I went to bed without blogging last night, and paid for it with very weird dreams, so today, there may just be two to catch up!
The dream that really stuck with me had many quirks, but the first one had me running all over town in just a pair of underwear. But that really wasn't the strangest part of it. In the dream, nobody noticed and I wasn't self conscious or embarrassed. In fact, the only time I was embarrassed was when I put on a shirt and discovered that I'd buttoned it incorrectly! Another interesting point was that I went to a restaurant to eat and apparently had a credit card stashed somewhere with which I could pay for my meal and for the clothes I finally shopped for. I also remember hanging out in my bedroom with some of Heather's friends. there was a boom box on my dresser which had codes for the radio stations, but I kept putting in the wrong code for the station I wanted. I also kept asking the boy sitting next to me to turn the music down as I was trying to meditate.
Further along, we were all going somewhere in a bus. Jesse was driving and another kid was on a motorcycle in a kind of cage right in front of the bus. Jesse had to be careful to go exactly the same speed as the motorcycle so he wouldn't run into it.
I finally woke up from the last scenario in which a criminal kidnapped me and then a young boy to use as cover in his escape. We were hanging out in a very large area with wooden walkways, shops, hotels and restaurants near a beach. I spent a lot of time walking around the place. At one point, I picked out a lot of clothes to try on, then left them with another woman to select and purchase while I sat and watched some people dancing. I was just thinking that I wished I had my dance shoes when a man asked me to dance an east coast swing. It was then I noticed that, not only were all of the dancers barefoot, but that the floor was slick enough to make it comfortable to dance that way! The dancing was shortlived, however, as my kidnapper came back and said we had to leave. I grabbed a large portfolio with incriminating papers from our hotel room and put it in the back seat next to another one which made it impossible to sit in the seat. The other back seat was occupied by the young boy who was now asleep, so I went around to get into the front seat, but found Darian sitting there already. I was standing in the open door when the kidnapper started backing the car out of the parking spot, oblivious to the fact that not only was I not in the car, but that I was standing in the open door. At that point, I realized I was free to go and collect the clothes he'd bought me and find my way back home.
As I reflect back on the convolutions my dreams took, I realize that, no matter what the circumstances, I always knew that I had as much as I wanted, could pay for anything I wanted or needed and was only as confined as I allowed myself to be. Whether or not the means were visible, they were always there. And despite the circumstances, I never felt like either I or the young boy was in danger, nor that I couldn't go wherever I wanted to choose to go.
What I make of this is that any limitations I have in my life are really self-created and I can leave them any time I choose. And whatever I choose to do, I will have the means to do it. I am not really constrained by money or appearances or the ability to move in any direction.
Now, the big question is, what am I doing to hold myself back? What am I appearing to be that I can change? And, finally, where is it that I really, truly want to go?
These and other questions will be pondered until epiphany comes and I know where I'm going and what I'm doing next!
Love and light
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
September 20, 2012 Things I've learned today
Today I went in for the pre-op lab work and boy, did I get a few surprises! How was I to know that they check everything as if you were going in for major surgery? Blood and urine I expected. But then they did the EKG and wanted a chest x-ray as well! Holy moly! Good thing they didn't want to check the other end of things too! But I learned that wearing a bra with the straps crossed is not a good choice when you go to the doctor and have to get in and out of it a couple of extra times! I also learned that sticking to my "don't eat after 7:00 PM" rule (which, by the way, I broke with soybeans tonight) is not a good idea when you have to have fasting blood work done at 10:30 AM. By the time I was able to go eat my yogurt and drink my coffee, I was hungry enough to eat a small farm! But I had to make do with yogurt until after the rest of the tests since I forgot to bring a fork for my salad which I scarfed down while on the phone with a colleague because I had to return his call before going into a 2 hour "training session" in the afternoon! I'm so glad tonight was a dance night as I needed the exercise and my fun, goofy, happy dance friends!
I also learned that the drama that has been in my life over the last few months is actually moving on, and it took a couple of my fun, goofy, happy dance friends to point it out to me! I just didn't miss it when it left, so I failed to notice when it moved on to greener pastures. My pasture, after all, is quite inhospitable to drama and negativity. It is far more friendly towards those who want to skip through the tulips wearing mismatched sox and crooked pigtails.
It is now t minus 14 days until I get my knee repaired and am once again able to dance anything I want for as long as I want! Woo hoo! But tonight, I actually did do a faster two step and it felt Mahvelous!!! I so missed my fast two steps!!! I know I was taking a chance, but I really, really, really needed to do it!! Besides, with work craziness, I lost an hour of dancing tonight, so I needed the extra exercise. I did do most of the line dances while I was there, plus a couple of the couples dances, and the A/C is still not fixed so I certainly sweated a bullet or two.
Which brings me to the second thing I learned today. While it is so very hot in there, dancing with my hair down is NOT good, in fact, it's rather yukky. After feeling the soggy strands slapping my back for a line dance set, I mosied off to the ladies room and while I was there, I twisted it all up into a neat little bun and used the clip I had in my hair to secure it. Do you know that the next time I hit the dance floor, I felt 20 degrees cooler??? So until they finish the installation of the air conditioners, I will be pulling my hair up off my back! I may not like the "look" as much, but it beats the heck out of soggy hair sticking to my skin! Ick!
My plans for the weekend include scrubbing the floors and spending Sunday with my sister and daughter. We've promised her a sushi expedition and as she had another hospital stay this week, it will be kind of like a reward. I also get to spend some time with an adorable little man while his daddy finishes fixing Jenni's brakes. I think I'm getting the best of this deal!!!
But sleep is tugging at my eyelids while visions of sugar plums dance in my head.
Love and light.
I also learned that the drama that has been in my life over the last few months is actually moving on, and it took a couple of my fun, goofy, happy dance friends to point it out to me! I just didn't miss it when it left, so I failed to notice when it moved on to greener pastures. My pasture, after all, is quite inhospitable to drama and negativity. It is far more friendly towards those who want to skip through the tulips wearing mismatched sox and crooked pigtails.
It is now t minus 14 days until I get my knee repaired and am once again able to dance anything I want for as long as I want! Woo hoo! But tonight, I actually did do a faster two step and it felt Mahvelous!!! I so missed my fast two steps!!! I know I was taking a chance, but I really, really, really needed to do it!! Besides, with work craziness, I lost an hour of dancing tonight, so I needed the extra exercise. I did do most of the line dances while I was there, plus a couple of the couples dances, and the A/C is still not fixed so I certainly sweated a bullet or two.
Which brings me to the second thing I learned today. While it is so very hot in there, dancing with my hair down is NOT good, in fact, it's rather yukky. After feeling the soggy strands slapping my back for a line dance set, I mosied off to the ladies room and while I was there, I twisted it all up into a neat little bun and used the clip I had in my hair to secure it. Do you know that the next time I hit the dance floor, I felt 20 degrees cooler??? So until they finish the installation of the air conditioners, I will be pulling my hair up off my back! I may not like the "look" as much, but it beats the heck out of soggy hair sticking to my skin! Ick!
My plans for the weekend include scrubbing the floors and spending Sunday with my sister and daughter. We've promised her a sushi expedition and as she had another hospital stay this week, it will be kind of like a reward. I also get to spend some time with an adorable little man while his daddy finishes fixing Jenni's brakes. I think I'm getting the best of this deal!!!
But sleep is tugging at my eyelids while visions of sugar plums dance in my head.
Love and light.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
September 19, 2012 And the beat goes on
So I had myself all psyched up to try to do the two-step lessons tonight, but halfway through another crazy day at work, my knee decided to slip a bit. Deciding to err on the side of caution (and to ensure that I would be dancing tomorrow night) I opted for a Red's salad, some laundry and another night spent cuddling kitties.
The countdown to my knee repair officially starts tomorrow when I go in for my pre-op blood work. It's going to be especially challenging because they had to change my early appointment on Friday to a later one tomorrow as the doctor decided he wasn't coming in on Friday. The real downside is that I will not be able to eat until after the blood work which, even though I opted to do it before I see the doctor, still means that my stomach will be devoid of food, and worse, of coffee until around 11 AM! Yikes! But as soon as the vampires are finished with me, I'll be making a mad dash for the carton of greek yogurt and cup of coffee which will be stashed in my car. I do hope they make quick work of it as the last thing I ate was around 7 or so tonight, and when my blood sugar is that low and my caffeine level is zero, I tend to be a bit cranky. Ok, maybe more than a bit.
Chatted a bit with my sister today before she left for one of her regular hospital visits. I'm hoping she doesn't have another screamer down the hall, but as I haven't heard anything, I'm assuming all is peaceful. She seems to be having some regrets about her relationship with our mom, and is trying to fix things for me as a result. I wish I could make her see that the only thing she really needs to do is to forgive herself. Both of us did what we felt we needed to for our own sanity and our kids, and it was the right thing to do at the time. It is only after many years and a lot of distance that we are coming to understand the woman behind the many masks, and to feel compassion for her instead of annoyance or contempt. That doesn't mean that we need to go back and beat ourselves up for being insensitive to her needs. It just means that we have to, as with any life experience, take the lesson and leave the pain behind. I suppose, if I really thought about it though, there is another lesson here for me and that is compassion for my sister and, not only her health issues but her issues with her son which are not unlike the relationship challenges I have with my youngest daughter. It's easy enough for me to preach acceptance and patience when I have a daughter with whom I have a close relationship. She doesn't have that luxury. But I want her to understand that I'm ok with not being one big, happy family. The truth is, we weren't really raised that way as some of my friends were, so we've had to form our own family dynamics. I believe I've done a pretty good job, even though Jenni still keeps herself somewhat distanced these days. Heather, Mathom and I more than make up for it with our silliness and closeness. And just as Linda and I developed our own, unique family dynamics, Jenni needs to be allowed to do the same. And if that means that she does not have a close relationship with me, I can and will accept and respect her choices and her right to make them.
When people are on the outside looking in (and I include myself in that) it's very easy to make assumptions about what is right or wrong, but the reality is, unless you are intimately involved, you really don't know how everyone's feelings are playing into the scenario and, as such, can only judge what's going on from your own experiences. Those experiences may or may not have prepared the onlooker to understand how the complex interrelationships work, and it certainly does not prepare them to assess the situation and determine that something is broken, nor that, even if this were true, would they be the one to fix it. Which brings me right back around to acceptance, and it's very close partner, forgiveness.
My meditation today took an interesting turn. I often think about how I'd like to find someone who would love me the way Dylan does. But today, it was different. I started out with the unconditional, total love I feel for myself. From there, I drifted into thoughts of someone who could not only love me that way, but who could accept me loving them the same way! While this may seem like a no brainer to some, to me, it was quite an epiphany! Not only that, I came out of my meditation feeling refreshed, energized, happy and very positive.
Work has been crazy busy with government fiscal year end looming over our heads, and our customers scrambling like roaches from Raid, so energized though I might be, sleep is calling to me and has been quite thorough for the last couple of weeks, to my great joy!
Love and light.
The countdown to my knee repair officially starts tomorrow when I go in for my pre-op blood work. It's going to be especially challenging because they had to change my early appointment on Friday to a later one tomorrow as the doctor decided he wasn't coming in on Friday. The real downside is that I will not be able to eat until after the blood work which, even though I opted to do it before I see the doctor, still means that my stomach will be devoid of food, and worse, of coffee until around 11 AM! Yikes! But as soon as the vampires are finished with me, I'll be making a mad dash for the carton of greek yogurt and cup of coffee which will be stashed in my car. I do hope they make quick work of it as the last thing I ate was around 7 or so tonight, and when my blood sugar is that low and my caffeine level is zero, I tend to be a bit cranky. Ok, maybe more than a bit.
Chatted a bit with my sister today before she left for one of her regular hospital visits. I'm hoping she doesn't have another screamer down the hall, but as I haven't heard anything, I'm assuming all is peaceful. She seems to be having some regrets about her relationship with our mom, and is trying to fix things for me as a result. I wish I could make her see that the only thing she really needs to do is to forgive herself. Both of us did what we felt we needed to for our own sanity and our kids, and it was the right thing to do at the time. It is only after many years and a lot of distance that we are coming to understand the woman behind the many masks, and to feel compassion for her instead of annoyance or contempt. That doesn't mean that we need to go back and beat ourselves up for being insensitive to her needs. It just means that we have to, as with any life experience, take the lesson and leave the pain behind. I suppose, if I really thought about it though, there is another lesson here for me and that is compassion for my sister and, not only her health issues but her issues with her son which are not unlike the relationship challenges I have with my youngest daughter. It's easy enough for me to preach acceptance and patience when I have a daughter with whom I have a close relationship. She doesn't have that luxury. But I want her to understand that I'm ok with not being one big, happy family. The truth is, we weren't really raised that way as some of my friends were, so we've had to form our own family dynamics. I believe I've done a pretty good job, even though Jenni still keeps herself somewhat distanced these days. Heather, Mathom and I more than make up for it with our silliness and closeness. And just as Linda and I developed our own, unique family dynamics, Jenni needs to be allowed to do the same. And if that means that she does not have a close relationship with me, I can and will accept and respect her choices and her right to make them.
When people are on the outside looking in (and I include myself in that) it's very easy to make assumptions about what is right or wrong, but the reality is, unless you are intimately involved, you really don't know how everyone's feelings are playing into the scenario and, as such, can only judge what's going on from your own experiences. Those experiences may or may not have prepared the onlooker to understand how the complex interrelationships work, and it certainly does not prepare them to assess the situation and determine that something is broken, nor that, even if this were true, would they be the one to fix it. Which brings me right back around to acceptance, and it's very close partner, forgiveness.
My meditation today took an interesting turn. I often think about how I'd like to find someone who would love me the way Dylan does. But today, it was different. I started out with the unconditional, total love I feel for myself. From there, I drifted into thoughts of someone who could not only love me that way, but who could accept me loving them the same way! While this may seem like a no brainer to some, to me, it was quite an epiphany! Not only that, I came out of my meditation feeling refreshed, energized, happy and very positive.
Work has been crazy busy with government fiscal year end looming over our heads, and our customers scrambling like roaches from Raid, so energized though I might be, sleep is calling to me and has been quite thorough for the last couple of weeks, to my great joy!
Love and light.
September 18, 2012 A little blog before I sleep
Another day added to my streak! It seems that I've gotten into yet another habit. I come home, fix myself a healthy dinner, snuggle with the cats while watching a little tv, then into the kitchen to fix the next day's meals and clean everything up. After so many years of slovenliness, I can't believe how wonderful it feels to go to bed with a clean kitchen. And even better is to walk into it in the morning, able to do whatever I need to without shifting a bunch of stuff around to make room.
A post today from one of my facebook friends reminded me of how important it is to pay attention to the amount of water I'm consuming. The post challenged readers to drink a gallon of water today, and although I didn't quite make it, I managed a very respectable 80 ounces or 5 16 ounce bottles! I did drink more on Friday but we were out in the heat most of the day, and the mere 80's we're seeing right now can't compare to the triple digits we "enjoyed" last week! I'll definitely try to beat today's consumption tomorrow! I love to challenge myself to beat my own records! It's far more satisfying than beating someone else because each time I pass another milestone, I'm becoming a better me.
I'm very proud of both of my daughters right now. They are both going out of their way to spend time with my sister and to make sure she's included in family gatherings. Today, she got to visit with my granddaughter too, and I know that perky little girl just brightened her day!
But my brain has shut down and is no longer sending messages to my fingers, so on that thought of love and sharing, I'll wish you
Love and light.
A post today from one of my facebook friends reminded me of how important it is to pay attention to the amount of water I'm consuming. The post challenged readers to drink a gallon of water today, and although I didn't quite make it, I managed a very respectable 80 ounces or 5 16 ounce bottles! I did drink more on Friday but we were out in the heat most of the day, and the mere 80's we're seeing right now can't compare to the triple digits we "enjoyed" last week! I'll definitely try to beat today's consumption tomorrow! I love to challenge myself to beat my own records! It's far more satisfying than beating someone else because each time I pass another milestone, I'm becoming a better me.
I'm very proud of both of my daughters right now. They are both going out of their way to spend time with my sister and to make sure she's included in family gatherings. Today, she got to visit with my granddaughter too, and I know that perky little girl just brightened her day!
But my brain has shut down and is no longer sending messages to my fingers, so on that thought of love and sharing, I'll wish you
Love and light.
Monday, September 17, 2012
September 17, 2012 Ch-ch-ch-changes!!!
As I was wiping down the counters after unloading the dishwasher and fixing my breakfast and lunch for tomorrow, the thought came to me that I'm really loving this new and improved me! I've gotten into a regular routine of preparing my meals the night before on a regular basis, cleaning up after myself as I go rather than leaving piles of things for "later" and continuing to write in my blog every day! The new habits I'm forming are very pleasing to me.
I realize that a lot of this may seem like normal, every day stuff to the average person, but, face it, I'm used to being a slob, and having the kids here, dumping their stuff wherever all the time didn't encourage me to get better. And I just lost the energy to fight with them over it after awhile. But now that any mess that's left is mine and only mine, it's much easier to take ownership and make any change I want to. And I have a lot more energy, period. I left work tonight, stopped at TJ's to pick up a couple of things I'd forgotten yesterday, came home and put it all away, got the sandboxes emptied, cleaned and refilled and the trash out before making dinner and plopping my butt down in front of the tv for a much needed rest and a great night of entertainment. One of the shows I like had its last show of the season, one had its first and one is on about the third so I was occupied for awhile. Not one to simply do one thing, though, I had my trusty iPad to play games, check mail and log into Facebook now and then. And of course, there were the furballs who just never get enough attention, the poor dears!
As an added bonus, the serious heat wave seems to have broken for now, and I was able to open up the windows, shut off the AC and let in some wonderfully cool night air! Toby got a little too excited and tried to jump into the bathroom window. Some weird scrabbling from that general vicinity alerted me to the fact that the operative word, poor guy, was "tried".
I'm also feeling a sense of excitement, whether from the new habits I'm forming or because of something else that's ready to manifest, I'm not entirely sure, but I've found that the what doesn't really matter as much as that feeling of excitement, joy and boundless energy that comes with it. I already know, without a doubt that whatever it might be will be wonderful beyond my imaginings, and the surprise will only amplify the fun factor. So I wait, poised on the edge of my seat for whatever the Universe has in store for me, knowing that, as I do with Christmas and birthday presents, I'll open it slowly to savor the surprise as long as possible.
So my last thought as I end this and prepare for sleep is "here's to wonderful surprises and the delightful anticipation that comes with them!"
Love and light
I realize that a lot of this may seem like normal, every day stuff to the average person, but, face it, I'm used to being a slob, and having the kids here, dumping their stuff wherever all the time didn't encourage me to get better. And I just lost the energy to fight with them over it after awhile. But now that any mess that's left is mine and only mine, it's much easier to take ownership and make any change I want to. And I have a lot more energy, period. I left work tonight, stopped at TJ's to pick up a couple of things I'd forgotten yesterday, came home and put it all away, got the sandboxes emptied, cleaned and refilled and the trash out before making dinner and plopping my butt down in front of the tv for a much needed rest and a great night of entertainment. One of the shows I like had its last show of the season, one had its first and one is on about the third so I was occupied for awhile. Not one to simply do one thing, though, I had my trusty iPad to play games, check mail and log into Facebook now and then. And of course, there were the furballs who just never get enough attention, the poor dears!
As an added bonus, the serious heat wave seems to have broken for now, and I was able to open up the windows, shut off the AC and let in some wonderfully cool night air! Toby got a little too excited and tried to jump into the bathroom window. Some weird scrabbling from that general vicinity alerted me to the fact that the operative word, poor guy, was "tried".
I'm also feeling a sense of excitement, whether from the new habits I'm forming or because of something else that's ready to manifest, I'm not entirely sure, but I've found that the what doesn't really matter as much as that feeling of excitement, joy and boundless energy that comes with it. I already know, without a doubt that whatever it might be will be wonderful beyond my imaginings, and the surprise will only amplify the fun factor. So I wait, poised on the edge of my seat for whatever the Universe has in store for me, knowing that, as I do with Christmas and birthday presents, I'll open it slowly to savor the surprise as long as possible.
So my last thought as I end this and prepare for sleep is "here's to wonderful surprises and the delightful anticipation that comes with them!"
Love and light
Sunday, September 16, 2012
September 16, 2012 The decluttering got superceded
As the title says, my decluttering efforts were superceded by more important things like Heather's birthday celebration and visiting a friend who ended up in the hospital this week. I know that I will proceed with my mission with renewed vigor later this week, and thankfully, the friend is ok and should be released tomorrow.
OK, now I'm sitting here with a full brain, but nothing is coming out. The mental constipation factor has taken hold! Ugh! I had some really thought provoking things to say an hour ago, but had to finish up stuff for work since I took off early Friday to go to the concert.
While visiting our friend today, we talked about the pros and cons of living alone, quiet vs. background noise and our preferences. I said that one of the things I really enjoyed was having the choice of absolute silence or background noise in the form of the tv or pandora. Of course, I didn't count things like Loki's need to tell me all about her day several times, or Patches sitting next to my chair purring. Those are things I include in the silence. But I realized that when I'm writing, I prefer that it's quiet because then what comes out through my fingers is my own thoughts or some kind of channeling, but it's not affected by something else I'm hearing, be it song lyrics or movie dialogue. I think that's part of the problem right now. I have a movie on in the other room, and though the actual words are muffled when my fingers are flying across the keyboard, I do still hear the noise. However, I think that the longer I were to sit here typing whatever came into my head, the less I would hear the noise from the tv, and the more I would hear the words from my heart, head or whoever or whatever might be talking through me at the moment.
Unfortunately, I can't seem to keep the stream of thought going long enough to shut out the noise, and I'm too lazy to walk into the other room and mute the tv, so what will come out today may be slightly tinged by the outside stimuli I'm currently experiencing. It reminds me a bit of my trip to Trader Joe's this afternoon. I wandered through, bought a bunch of food for the week, but left feeling like I had forgotten something, and when I finally got home and was putting the groceries away, I realized what I'd forgotten, so a trip to the Thousand Oaks Trader Joe's is in order after work tomorrow. Maybe, subconsciously, I wanted to stop by there anyway so my mind intentionally left a couple of things out of my basket.
I think my family is starting to buy into the way too early holiday season the retail industry is pushing. We're already discussing plans, guest lists and menus for Thanksgiving, which is bad enough (though Ostrich is officially off the menu because it not only doesn't taste like chicken, but it doesn't taste like turkey either, and frankly in this family, it had better be turkey and lots of it!!!) but Heather and I are finding ourselves in the toy department rather often, batting around ideas for the two youngsters we've added to our lists, not to mention a couple of older male "children"! The plotting, planning and Christmas rules have already been enacted. But at least it gives me plenty of time to figure out just what I want to do for everyone. I may even find an ounce or two of creativity in me, given the time to squeeze it out, much like the last bit of toothpaste at the bottom of the tube. Heck, I admit it. I'm getting into the silliness myself!
But as the outside noise is causing my mind to wander too much, I'll call it a night with visions of sugarplums dancing.
Love and light
OK, now I'm sitting here with a full brain, but nothing is coming out. The mental constipation factor has taken hold! Ugh! I had some really thought provoking things to say an hour ago, but had to finish up stuff for work since I took off early Friday to go to the concert.
While visiting our friend today, we talked about the pros and cons of living alone, quiet vs. background noise and our preferences. I said that one of the things I really enjoyed was having the choice of absolute silence or background noise in the form of the tv or pandora. Of course, I didn't count things like Loki's need to tell me all about her day several times, or Patches sitting next to my chair purring. Those are things I include in the silence. But I realized that when I'm writing, I prefer that it's quiet because then what comes out through my fingers is my own thoughts or some kind of channeling, but it's not affected by something else I'm hearing, be it song lyrics or movie dialogue. I think that's part of the problem right now. I have a movie on in the other room, and though the actual words are muffled when my fingers are flying across the keyboard, I do still hear the noise. However, I think that the longer I were to sit here typing whatever came into my head, the less I would hear the noise from the tv, and the more I would hear the words from my heart, head or whoever or whatever might be talking through me at the moment.
Unfortunately, I can't seem to keep the stream of thought going long enough to shut out the noise, and I'm too lazy to walk into the other room and mute the tv, so what will come out today may be slightly tinged by the outside stimuli I'm currently experiencing. It reminds me a bit of my trip to Trader Joe's this afternoon. I wandered through, bought a bunch of food for the week, but left feeling like I had forgotten something, and when I finally got home and was putting the groceries away, I realized what I'd forgotten, so a trip to the Thousand Oaks Trader Joe's is in order after work tomorrow. Maybe, subconsciously, I wanted to stop by there anyway so my mind intentionally left a couple of things out of my basket.
I think my family is starting to buy into the way too early holiday season the retail industry is pushing. We're already discussing plans, guest lists and menus for Thanksgiving, which is bad enough (though Ostrich is officially off the menu because it not only doesn't taste like chicken, but it doesn't taste like turkey either, and frankly in this family, it had better be turkey and lots of it!!!) but Heather and I are finding ourselves in the toy department rather often, batting around ideas for the two youngsters we've added to our lists, not to mention a couple of older male "children"! The plotting, planning and Christmas rules have already been enacted. But at least it gives me plenty of time to figure out just what I want to do for everyone. I may even find an ounce or two of creativity in me, given the time to squeeze it out, much like the last bit of toothpaste at the bottom of the tube. Heck, I admit it. I'm getting into the silliness myself!
But as the outside noise is causing my mind to wander too much, I'll call it a night with visions of sugarplums dancing.
Love and light
September 15, 2012 Celebration!
Heather's 25th birthday weekend continues. Tonight, we had a great time (and yet another sauna) at Borderline. We decorated, we danced, we laughed and Mathom created a cake with many of Heather's favorite characters, and he even left me room to put the big "2" and "5" candles!!! What fun! Our shopping spree yielded a shot glass with a recipe, a teensy little wine glass which he had filled with a Shirley Temple, twisty straws, Transformer ware and a Brave cup. Heather loved every minute of it, especially the birthday candle headband! A fitting tiara for the birthday girl! I even had to have a piece of the cake which was quite delicious. I think Mathom will be in charge of cakes from now on. He did very well!!!
We're not done celebrating though. Tomorrow we'll have birthday breakfast. Yum! Still waiting for the birthday girl to decide where she wants to go, though.
Guess this will be another short post, though. I'm very tired, and waited too long to start writing. That needs to be added to my disciplinary list. Item 1: Write every day no matter what. Item 2: Start writing earlier in the evening to improve the content in item 1. :)
Love and light.
We're not done celebrating though. Tomorrow we'll have birthday breakfast. Yum! Still waiting for the birthday girl to decide where she wants to go, though.
Guess this will be another short post, though. I'm very tired, and waited too long to start writing. That needs to be added to my disciplinary list. Item 1: Write every day no matter what. Item 2: Start writing earlier in the evening to improve the content in item 1. :)
Love and light.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
September 14, 2012 Concerts and tail lights
Had a wonderful time at the Rascal Flatts concert tonight (aside from a moment when my feelings were hurt, but I didn't think it would do any good to address it. Instead, due to crazy bright lights pointed right at the audience, I closed my eyes and meditated to a better place while avoiding a blazing headache!) All of the acts did a great job, and it's hard to say which of them I liked the best. The energy was great, despite the triple digit heat of the day and we just drank gallons of water to combat potential dehydration. Yet, I'm feeling a tightness in my legs that indicates water retention. I cannot imagine that there's anything left between sweating and, well, you know. I AM the queen of the hamster bladder!
As hot as it was, we opted for all the free water we could drink rather than what has become our traditional shared margarita. Neither of us was in the mood for alcohol today. Besides, we were singing, hooting, hollering and having a great time, stone, cold sober! And they got smart this time, and had people directing traffic AFTER the event as well as before so exiting the parking lot was actually quite painless! Of course, they also opened up lanes which turned left towards the freeway this time, instead of making thousands of people take a circuitous route back to the freeway! Somebody actually showed some intelligence! Now, if they could find a way to get rid of the lines for the bathrooms, I'd be a very happy girl!
We also found a bunch of places to eat a few exits before the Amphitheater, and it also made for an easy hop from the 5 to the 405 afterwards. The map function on the iPad is proving quite useful!
OK, I'm rambling and struggling to get words out, so I'll wrap this up (as it's really tomorrow anyway).
Love and light.
As hot as it was, we opted for all the free water we could drink rather than what has become our traditional shared margarita. Neither of us was in the mood for alcohol today. Besides, we were singing, hooting, hollering and having a great time, stone, cold sober! And they got smart this time, and had people directing traffic AFTER the event as well as before so exiting the parking lot was actually quite painless! Of course, they also opened up lanes which turned left towards the freeway this time, instead of making thousands of people take a circuitous route back to the freeway! Somebody actually showed some intelligence! Now, if they could find a way to get rid of the lines for the bathrooms, I'd be a very happy girl!
We also found a bunch of places to eat a few exits before the Amphitheater, and it also made for an easy hop from the 5 to the 405 afterwards. The map function on the iPad is proving quite useful!
OK, I'm rambling and struggling to get words out, so I'll wrap this up (as it's really tomorrow anyway).
Love and light.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
September 13, 2012 Gearing up for another busy weekend
I guess I pushed myself a bit further than was wise. I had to cut the dancing short by about 30-45 minutes tonight as my knee started showing signs of rebellion, if not outright revolt. So it was back home to the ice pack, which made the furry children happy as it meant the lap was available for their use. I'm also feeling the effects of my first weight workout in awhile. I didn't really notice it until I was leaving work, but my pecs definitely got used and abused last night! I'll have to hit the gym and work them harder while getting some work in on the back muscles as well.
But that will have to wait until after the Rascal Flatts concert and my Saturday morning birthday planning session with Mathom. I do, however, feel like I'm back on track, between the weight I've lost this week, the way I'm eating and getting a start on my strength training. Taking it one day at a time, like I have in learning to be consistent with my blog seems to work the best for me. I don't look forward to where I'll be in x months, I just look at what I can do today. By doing so, I get things done, but I don't get bogged down in the details or the size of the task. And as I write, I look back upon this single day and congratulate myself on today's accomplishments. And in so doing, I give myself encouragement for making tomorrow just as wonderful.
I read recently that you should set the intention every night to have a wonderful day tomorrow. I would like to take it one step further and intend to have a successful, productive, joyful day tomorrow. Each day, I will set this intention, and as time goes on, I suspect I'll add on some more, but for now, this is enough.
And in order to make that happen, I need to get my things organized so that when I leave work at noon to pick up Heather, I'll have everything I need for the concert tomorrow night! We've been looking forward to this for months and now, here it is! We are going to have a blast!!!!!
Love and light.
But that will have to wait until after the Rascal Flatts concert and my Saturday morning birthday planning session with Mathom. I do, however, feel like I'm back on track, between the weight I've lost this week, the way I'm eating and getting a start on my strength training. Taking it one day at a time, like I have in learning to be consistent with my blog seems to work the best for me. I don't look forward to where I'll be in x months, I just look at what I can do today. By doing so, I get things done, but I don't get bogged down in the details or the size of the task. And as I write, I look back upon this single day and congratulate myself on today's accomplishments. And in so doing, I give myself encouragement for making tomorrow just as wonderful.
I read recently that you should set the intention every night to have a wonderful day tomorrow. I would like to take it one step further and intend to have a successful, productive, joyful day tomorrow. Each day, I will set this intention, and as time goes on, I suspect I'll add on some more, but for now, this is enough.
And in order to make that happen, I need to get my things organized so that when I leave work at noon to pick up Heather, I'll have everything I need for the concert tomorrow night! We've been looking forward to this for months and now, here it is! We are going to have a blast!!!!!
Love and light.
September 12, 2012 Happy birthday to my babies!!
My daughters are 25 years old today. Wow! it doesn't seem like it was very long ago that they were my granddaughter's age, but there you have it. And now Heather is married and Jenni has a child and I am living by myself. The last year has brought some huge changes to my life, and I'm nothing if not exhilarated!
I'm also noticing that today, my blog has exceeded 1100 hits, and today is the first day of the third week of writing something every single day! I still haven't dragged my butt to the gym, but since I found my free weights last week, I'm planning to add some air to my resistance ball and do some weight work at home. No reason why not!
Well, the free weights I found were too light and I can't for the life of me figure out where the rest of the set wandered off to, so I headed for Walmart which was a bust, and then to Big 5 which I usually hate because they tend to be overpriced, but $85 later, I'm the proud owner of a pair of 10 pound free weights and a nice, cushy mat to take the place of the carpet and padding that was ripped up earlier this year. So now, even when I don't want to do my sweating around people, I can ( and did) do some weight work in front of the TV followed by at least a few crunches and some nice stretching. Sure, I don't get as much in as if I went to the gym and used some of the equipment, but it's a start, and now, there's no excuse for missing at least 2 days a week of weights! I seriously considered looking into one of those Bowflex machines, but have no idea where I'd put the darn thing! I also need to figure out how they manage to get the resistance balls at the gym so full of air. Mine is squishy, no matter how long I pump air into the bloody thing!
But here it is, tomorrow, as I'm finishing my post. My kitchen is clean, the sandboxes are scooped, food is ready for tomorrow, and, having worked from home today, I finally caught up on the things I wasn't able to through two days of constant interruptions. Do people not understand a closed door these days???
But the rest of the week should be a blast. Dancing tomorrow night, Rascal Flatts with Heather on Friday night, and planning and executing Heather's birthday party with Mathom on Saturday. Maybe this weekend I'll even get a day to work on the decluttering of my office (sounds like a cheap horror flick!). I'm dragging my feet on a number of other things and know that the office and its current state is the main reason! But to steal a line from one of my favorite authors, "quoth the raven, Nevermore!" This will be done and I will get all of the projects going that have been on hold this year. The seeds have lain dormant long enough! I truly love walking into my uncluttered living room, bedroom and kitchen these days. It is so easy to put everything back in order when I'm not stumbling over a lot of crap. Even the kitties are seeing the benefit of more cleared space (except for our ongoing battle over the dining room table, but I filled the squirt bottle tonight and Loki was the first to experience my sharpshooter aim! No surprise there, the little troublemaker!) I am noticing, however, that the sofas don't stay put very well on the bare floor, so I'm constantly moving the loveseat away from the window. Small price to pay, though.
As it nears 1 AM, my body should be crying out for sleep, but even though it's failing to do so, I'm going to do the smart thing, and get some rest.
Love and light.
I'm also noticing that today, my blog has exceeded 1100 hits, and today is the first day of the third week of writing something every single day! I still haven't dragged my butt to the gym, but since I found my free weights last week, I'm planning to add some air to my resistance ball and do some weight work at home. No reason why not!
Well, the free weights I found were too light and I can't for the life of me figure out where the rest of the set wandered off to, so I headed for Walmart which was a bust, and then to Big 5 which I usually hate because they tend to be overpriced, but $85 later, I'm the proud owner of a pair of 10 pound free weights and a nice, cushy mat to take the place of the carpet and padding that was ripped up earlier this year. So now, even when I don't want to do my sweating around people, I can ( and did) do some weight work in front of the TV followed by at least a few crunches and some nice stretching. Sure, I don't get as much in as if I went to the gym and used some of the equipment, but it's a start, and now, there's no excuse for missing at least 2 days a week of weights! I seriously considered looking into one of those Bowflex machines, but have no idea where I'd put the darn thing! I also need to figure out how they manage to get the resistance balls at the gym so full of air. Mine is squishy, no matter how long I pump air into the bloody thing!
But here it is, tomorrow, as I'm finishing my post. My kitchen is clean, the sandboxes are scooped, food is ready for tomorrow, and, having worked from home today, I finally caught up on the things I wasn't able to through two days of constant interruptions. Do people not understand a closed door these days???
But the rest of the week should be a blast. Dancing tomorrow night, Rascal Flatts with Heather on Friday night, and planning and executing Heather's birthday party with Mathom on Saturday. Maybe this weekend I'll even get a day to work on the decluttering of my office (sounds like a cheap horror flick!). I'm dragging my feet on a number of other things and know that the office and its current state is the main reason! But to steal a line from one of my favorite authors, "quoth the raven, Nevermore!" This will be done and I will get all of the projects going that have been on hold this year. The seeds have lain dormant long enough! I truly love walking into my uncluttered living room, bedroom and kitchen these days. It is so easy to put everything back in order when I'm not stumbling over a lot of crap. Even the kitties are seeing the benefit of more cleared space (except for our ongoing battle over the dining room table, but I filled the squirt bottle tonight and Loki was the first to experience my sharpshooter aim! No surprise there, the little troublemaker!) I am noticing, however, that the sofas don't stay put very well on the bare floor, so I'm constantly moving the loveseat away from the window. Small price to pay, though.
As it nears 1 AM, my body should be crying out for sleep, but even though it's failing to do so, I'm going to do the smart thing, and get some rest.
Love and light.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
September 11, 2012 Mixed emotions
Since 2003, today has been that bittersweet day when I mourn my father's death, with my daughters' birthday following quickly on the heels of that sad anniversary tomorrow. While the anger has faded and forgiveness, understanding and acceptance have taken its place, I can't help feeling a little bit sad that he missed so many wonderful things in the 9 years that he's been gone. At this point, I can just send my love out to the Universe and hope it reaches him, and get ready to celebrate a milestone in my daughters' lives; their 25th birthday, or, as I like to think of it, their quarter century birthday!
Heather is getting very excited about our annual Rascal Flatts concert, and keeps calling and texting me to let me know what she's hearing about the concert on the radio. She is making sure that we're all coordinated for our half day of work before we hit the road for Irvine, making sure that we're there in plenty of time!
But that's not the end of the festivities by any means! We also have our annual celebration at Borderline on Saturday night, and Mathom, I'm sure, has a few things up his sleeve! I can't wait to see the cake he chooses!
Other than that, I was a lazy butt tonight, fixing dinner, then sitting on the sofa being a cat bed for most of the evening, in spite of my best intentions to do a workout. But really, the kitties were acting so forlorn, and were taking turns curling up in my lap for some well deserved skritching. How could I tell them no??
But I continue to eat healthy stuff and fill up on veggies which, by the way are much lower in calories than I realized! Now that I'm measuring the cheese in my spinach and mushroom scramble, I'm keeping breakfast, including my fresh fruit, down to around 350 calories which isn't bad! I'm also avoiding snacking after dinner, and am, in fact, just fixing something healthy and sitting down to enjoy it. That, alone, is keeping me from heading for the refrigerator late at night! I am just not hungry now! But I really do need to get back to the strength training! Tomorrow, for sure! NO excuses!!!
I'm afraid that I have no interesting insights to share tonight, but will be quick to post anything new that comes to mind. Maybe the craziness of the last couple of days has caused my brain to just fade when I get home from work. Or perhaps it's just too full of goop to come up with anything profound.
When I was practicing reading Tarot (something else that's gone by the wayside of late) I would sit in my desk chair for a few minutes, doing a little meditation to quiet my mind. I may try that technique again to see if it amplifies my brilliance. <grin> But for now, I'll leave you with this rather bland post and hope you'll indulge me a day or two that's rather on the boring side.
Love and light.
Heather is getting very excited about our annual Rascal Flatts concert, and keeps calling and texting me to let me know what she's hearing about the concert on the radio. She is making sure that we're all coordinated for our half day of work before we hit the road for Irvine, making sure that we're there in plenty of time!
But that's not the end of the festivities by any means! We also have our annual celebration at Borderline on Saturday night, and Mathom, I'm sure, has a few things up his sleeve! I can't wait to see the cake he chooses!
Other than that, I was a lazy butt tonight, fixing dinner, then sitting on the sofa being a cat bed for most of the evening, in spite of my best intentions to do a workout. But really, the kitties were acting so forlorn, and were taking turns curling up in my lap for some well deserved skritching. How could I tell them no??
But I continue to eat healthy stuff and fill up on veggies which, by the way are much lower in calories than I realized! Now that I'm measuring the cheese in my spinach and mushroom scramble, I'm keeping breakfast, including my fresh fruit, down to around 350 calories which isn't bad! I'm also avoiding snacking after dinner, and am, in fact, just fixing something healthy and sitting down to enjoy it. That, alone, is keeping me from heading for the refrigerator late at night! I am just not hungry now! But I really do need to get back to the strength training! Tomorrow, for sure! NO excuses!!!
I'm afraid that I have no interesting insights to share tonight, but will be quick to post anything new that comes to mind. Maybe the craziness of the last couple of days has caused my brain to just fade when I get home from work. Or perhaps it's just too full of goop to come up with anything profound.
When I was practicing reading Tarot (something else that's gone by the wayside of late) I would sit in my desk chair for a few minutes, doing a little meditation to quiet my mind. I may try that technique again to see if it amplifies my brilliance. <grin> But for now, I'll leave you with this rather bland post and hope you'll indulge me a day or two that's rather on the boring side.
Love and light.
Monday, September 10, 2012
September 10, 2012 I feel another decluttering binge coming on...
I'm not quite sure what came over me tonight! After a crazy busy weekend, and a very Monday kind of Monday, instead of coming home and collapsing, I came home and found myself being incredibly industrious! The fruits of my labor include a healthy dinner of artichoke and chicken with leftovers for later in the week, clean laundry, cleaned sandboxes, all trash out and at the curb for pickup tomorrow and all rooms currently in use (and not being used for storage) have been vacuumed. I still need to wash the floors, but I think I'll save that for tomorrow night! If nothing else, I don't want to push my luck as I've made a solemn promise to myself that I'll dance right up until my "procedure" as my massage therapist likes to call it. She doesn't like the sound of "surgery" and I have to agree! As it is just an outpatient procedure, she's probably more accurate anyway!
Thinking about it, I danced up until very shortly before the girls were born, and have, on many occasions, danced either sick or injured. I guess that's why they refer to this kind of behaviour as being a die hard! But heaven knows I get plenty of sitting down time at work!
So, the short of it is, I'm rather proud of myself this evening. I feel like I've accomplished a lot, and that feeling of accomplishment feels great!! After all of this, my last couple of chores for the evening will seem like nothing! But I do, for the most part, find myself sitting less and doing more after I get home from work since the kids moved out. It was almost like their sitting in front of the TV at night just drained all of my ambition! And the funny thing is, they're a lot more ambitious about taking care of their own place now too. Go figure! I'm also very proud of the fact that I've managed to post daily for the better part of two weeks now (maybe more, I'll have to check to see when I started!) I keep thinking about those wise words having to do with writing. I can't remember exactly how it goes, so I'll paraphrase. If you're going to be a writer, you have to write, even when you don't feel like it, or don't think you have anything to write. The very act of disciplining yourself to sit down and do it until it becomes an integral part of your day is sure to make something amazing come out of your fingers eventually! It brings to mind the days I spent in Sedona. I just got up and wrote. I sat at a little table in my hotel room with a beautiful view of the red rock and trees and just wrote for hours on end. The table was littered with juice bottles, coffee cups and assorted remnants of meals, but I was really getting a lot done. Now that I have the place to myself, I could probably accomplish a lot if I took a few days off to just be a hermit and write. Once I've finished decluttering my office, that may be my next use of vacation days. In fact, a good way to get myself moving would be to just schedule a long weekend so I'll know just how long I have to get the mess cleared out!!!
There's definitely a new energy building right now. I can't say for sure if it's from within or without, but it really doesn't matter as long as I ride the wave and make things happen! Those elevator doors I saw during my massage were clearly trying to get my attention and let me know that I will start to see results in my undertakings now! Gee, maybe I should start adding to that wish list! If I have the Universe's undivided attention right now, I'm sure going to make the most of it! It's just as easy to dream big as it is to dream small, after all! (and it's a small world after all!)
So, I'm off to let my ,mind dream up the biggest, best dreams it can, and then let them go like a helium filled balloon on a windy day!
Love and light.
Thinking about it, I danced up until very shortly before the girls were born, and have, on many occasions, danced either sick or injured. I guess that's why they refer to this kind of behaviour as being a die hard! But heaven knows I get plenty of sitting down time at work!
So, the short of it is, I'm rather proud of myself this evening. I feel like I've accomplished a lot, and that feeling of accomplishment feels great!! After all of this, my last couple of chores for the evening will seem like nothing! But I do, for the most part, find myself sitting less and doing more after I get home from work since the kids moved out. It was almost like their sitting in front of the TV at night just drained all of my ambition! And the funny thing is, they're a lot more ambitious about taking care of their own place now too. Go figure! I'm also very proud of the fact that I've managed to post daily for the better part of two weeks now (maybe more, I'll have to check to see when I started!) I keep thinking about those wise words having to do with writing. I can't remember exactly how it goes, so I'll paraphrase. If you're going to be a writer, you have to write, even when you don't feel like it, or don't think you have anything to write. The very act of disciplining yourself to sit down and do it until it becomes an integral part of your day is sure to make something amazing come out of your fingers eventually! It brings to mind the days I spent in Sedona. I just got up and wrote. I sat at a little table in my hotel room with a beautiful view of the red rock and trees and just wrote for hours on end. The table was littered with juice bottles, coffee cups and assorted remnants of meals, but I was really getting a lot done. Now that I have the place to myself, I could probably accomplish a lot if I took a few days off to just be a hermit and write. Once I've finished decluttering my office, that may be my next use of vacation days. In fact, a good way to get myself moving would be to just schedule a long weekend so I'll know just how long I have to get the mess cleared out!!!
There's definitely a new energy building right now. I can't say for sure if it's from within or without, but it really doesn't matter as long as I ride the wave and make things happen! Those elevator doors I saw during my massage were clearly trying to get my attention and let me know that I will start to see results in my undertakings now! Gee, maybe I should start adding to that wish list! If I have the Universe's undivided attention right now, I'm sure going to make the most of it! It's just as easy to dream big as it is to dream small, after all! (and it's a small world after all!)
So, I'm off to let my ,mind dream up the biggest, best dreams it can, and then let them go like a helium filled balloon on a windy day!
Love and light.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
September 9, 2012 Running a bit late tonight!
Holy Hannah! If I'd waited much longer I'd technically have missed a day, and we can't have that!!! But my excuse was a busy day and a need to get off of my feet for awhile (and to do so while not in a moving vehicle!)
Great day wine tasting and wandering around Solvang, although we really need to time things better so we can spend more time in Pebble People before they start rolling up the streets! I was, however, disappointed to find that the back room which used to be filled with the most amazing, hand crafted jewelry was now full of a lot of ceramic stuff. They've cut way back on the jewelry and restocked the place with pretty little music boxes and ceramic figurines. Some changes just are not for the better in my opinion, but I suppose they're catering to the tourists.
Of course, things didn't go quite as planned as another person was added which meant we didn't all fit in one car. It would have been much more enjoyable to leave and arrive together, but we did make the best of it. (and frankly, the cigar smokers rode in the other car which works for me. I appreciate their right to individuality, but I also appreciate not having to smell the cigars all the way home!)
We brought back a few bottles of wine from the winery where Heather got the wedding stuff, so we'll have a bit for Thanksgiving, whether it's just the three of us or even 10. More than that and I might need more wine!
Heather took us on some lovely back roads in an effort to miss some of the traffic, so it took a big longer to get home than a straight shot (without traffic, of course!) but it was worth it. Montecito is really beautiful and untouched in a lot of ways! There are some beautiful homes, many of which just blend into the environment. We all fantasized about having careers we could do from home and living back there with a lot of property to indulge in animal rescue efforts while only having to visit civilization once a week for groceries and such..
I did learn something from this trip, though. My daughter is an individual and has a very eclectic group of friends. Some I really like from the minute I meet them, some grow on me over time and others, just leave me feeling sticky and uncomfortable. But I'm very proud of my daughter for seeing qualities in each one of them, despite my inability to do so.
I'm afraid I'm still rather nervous when Heather drives long distances. She follows closer than I like, though I don't really know her car, and I'm just not used to being a passenger and seeing cars in lanes next to me get so close! I hope this gets better with time!!! It's nice, all things considered, to be able to ride along and watch the scenery instead of having to pay attention to the road all the time. And it really was a beautiful day for a drive up the coast and through parts of the Los Padres National Forest. If I had been driving, I'd have missed a lot!
But now, I'm unwound enough for sleep, and my meals for tomorrow are nicely packed up and waiting in the refrigerator. The coffee pot is ready to go and the kitchen is put back to rights, so I'll wind this up until tomorrow.
Love and light.
Great day wine tasting and wandering around Solvang, although we really need to time things better so we can spend more time in Pebble People before they start rolling up the streets! I was, however, disappointed to find that the back room which used to be filled with the most amazing, hand crafted jewelry was now full of a lot of ceramic stuff. They've cut way back on the jewelry and restocked the place with pretty little music boxes and ceramic figurines. Some changes just are not for the better in my opinion, but I suppose they're catering to the tourists.
Of course, things didn't go quite as planned as another person was added which meant we didn't all fit in one car. It would have been much more enjoyable to leave and arrive together, but we did make the best of it. (and frankly, the cigar smokers rode in the other car which works for me. I appreciate their right to individuality, but I also appreciate not having to smell the cigars all the way home!)
We brought back a few bottles of wine from the winery where Heather got the wedding stuff, so we'll have a bit for Thanksgiving, whether it's just the three of us or even 10. More than that and I might need more wine!
Heather took us on some lovely back roads in an effort to miss some of the traffic, so it took a big longer to get home than a straight shot (without traffic, of course!) but it was worth it. Montecito is really beautiful and untouched in a lot of ways! There are some beautiful homes, many of which just blend into the environment. We all fantasized about having careers we could do from home and living back there with a lot of property to indulge in animal rescue efforts while only having to visit civilization once a week for groceries and such..
I did learn something from this trip, though. My daughter is an individual and has a very eclectic group of friends. Some I really like from the minute I meet them, some grow on me over time and others, just leave me feeling sticky and uncomfortable. But I'm very proud of my daughter for seeing qualities in each one of them, despite my inability to do so.
I'm afraid I'm still rather nervous when Heather drives long distances. She follows closer than I like, though I don't really know her car, and I'm just not used to being a passenger and seeing cars in lanes next to me get so close! I hope this gets better with time!!! It's nice, all things considered, to be able to ride along and watch the scenery instead of having to pay attention to the road all the time. And it really was a beautiful day for a drive up the coast and through parts of the Los Padres National Forest. If I had been driving, I'd have missed a lot!
But now, I'm unwound enough for sleep, and my meals for tomorrow are nicely packed up and waiting in the refrigerator. The coffee pot is ready to go and the kitchen is put back to rights, so I'll wind this up until tomorrow.
Love and light.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
September 8, 2012 Love this crazy, busy life!
What a day!!! I started out with my monthly massage and it just got better from there! Daughter picked me up in her new car and along with a friend of hers, we took the dogs down to the beach and met up with a dear friend who also has a real love of a dog! The three pooches got along great and had a lovely time chasing each other along the beach! Walking was tough as we were on the dry sand and I kept sinking in, but the knee held up like a champ, and was quite ready for the night of dancing which followed!
It was quite nice to come home to my kitties after a day filled with movement, although I really have to find a way to convince Toby and Loki that they are not attractive dining room table ornaments! I fear the squirt bottle will be the only way, assuming Loki has gotten over her enjoyment of being sprayed! She really is the weirdest cat ever!!!
This will be another short one as I was passing out on the sofa while watching Friends, but was not going to miss a night of posting. I have to be up early again tomorrow as I'm meeting Heather for breakfast and grocery shopping before going wine tasting. I tried to convince her to stay here tonight, but I'm glad she decided to go home as the people behind me seem to have a full mariachi band playing and the guests are singing along, loudly, drunkenly and very off key! It's ok in my bedroom where the window faces the other way, but in the living room, unless you turn the TV up loud, the full effects are heard and believe me, it ain't pretty!!! I have never really developed a taste for mariachi music and having been married to a drunk, I don't think I need to explain my distaste for that particular breed. But since I can't hear them at the back of the house, I'll just live and let live...and hope they pass out soon! :)
When I have my massages, I tend to drift in and out of a meditational state and often I'll see quick pictures of things or people. Typically, the ones I remember prove to be significant, and today was no exception. At first, I was seeing very rocky roads which it seemed I was choosing from. But at the end of my massage, I saw a very clear path ending in a door. But not just any door! It was an elevator door! And the thought that flashed through my mind was that I was going to be moving to the next level, though, because the door was rather distant, it wasn't going to happen right away. Then, as I always do at the end of my massage, I pulled a rune. This rune talks about ultimate success, but also exercising patience as the success will come at the end of a one year cycle. The question came up as to whether I'd picked this rune before, and when I went back to my folder of readings, I found that I'd picked it in March of this year. I don't recall right now what was going on in March which would constitute a beginning, so we'll have to wait and see what happens in another couple of months, but it seems that I've planted seeds a couple of times this year, and with patience and perseverence, all will bear some pretty tasty fruit in due time.
So for now, I'll just be cultivating crops and not expecting a harvest for awhile. But if I'm not busy harvesting, I'm certainly busy with many other things. Getting to know people better, decluttering my house, continuing to write regularly, and getting back in shape! And you know what? It's all very, very good!
Love and light
It was quite nice to come home to my kitties after a day filled with movement, although I really have to find a way to convince Toby and Loki that they are not attractive dining room table ornaments! I fear the squirt bottle will be the only way, assuming Loki has gotten over her enjoyment of being sprayed! She really is the weirdest cat ever!!!
This will be another short one as I was passing out on the sofa while watching Friends, but was not going to miss a night of posting. I have to be up early again tomorrow as I'm meeting Heather for breakfast and grocery shopping before going wine tasting. I tried to convince her to stay here tonight, but I'm glad she decided to go home as the people behind me seem to have a full mariachi band playing and the guests are singing along, loudly, drunkenly and very off key! It's ok in my bedroom where the window faces the other way, but in the living room, unless you turn the TV up loud, the full effects are heard and believe me, it ain't pretty!!! I have never really developed a taste for mariachi music and having been married to a drunk, I don't think I need to explain my distaste for that particular breed. But since I can't hear them at the back of the house, I'll just live and let live...and hope they pass out soon! :)
When I have my massages, I tend to drift in and out of a meditational state and often I'll see quick pictures of things or people. Typically, the ones I remember prove to be significant, and today was no exception. At first, I was seeing very rocky roads which it seemed I was choosing from. But at the end of my massage, I saw a very clear path ending in a door. But not just any door! It was an elevator door! And the thought that flashed through my mind was that I was going to be moving to the next level, though, because the door was rather distant, it wasn't going to happen right away. Then, as I always do at the end of my massage, I pulled a rune. This rune talks about ultimate success, but also exercising patience as the success will come at the end of a one year cycle. The question came up as to whether I'd picked this rune before, and when I went back to my folder of readings, I found that I'd picked it in March of this year. I don't recall right now what was going on in March which would constitute a beginning, so we'll have to wait and see what happens in another couple of months, but it seems that I've planted seeds a couple of times this year, and with patience and perseverence, all will bear some pretty tasty fruit in due time.
So for now, I'll just be cultivating crops and not expecting a harvest for awhile. But if I'm not busy harvesting, I'm certainly busy with many other things. Getting to know people better, decluttering my house, continuing to write regularly, and getting back in shape! And you know what? It's all very, very good!
Love and light
Friday, September 7, 2012
September 7, 2012 Short but sweet
Short, busy week that ended with a bit of tummy upset, but I started tracking what I'm eating again, and I'm thinking that my tummy is in a tizzy over being reined in on it's consumption habits.
I'm looking forward to an active weekend as the knee continues to behave itself. Massage, a walk on the beach with my daughter and grandpuppy, dancing and wine tasting with the girls followed by strolling around Solvang. Somewhere in there, I need to do a few chores, and get food for next week (maybe early Sunday morning?), but other than that, just fun, laughter, relaxation and exercise. And next week, I have promised myself I'm getting back into a regular gym routine!!! My body will love me for it!
Love and light!
I'm looking forward to an active weekend as the knee continues to behave itself. Massage, a walk on the beach with my daughter and grandpuppy, dancing and wine tasting with the girls followed by strolling around Solvang. Somewhere in there, I need to do a few chores, and get food for next week (maybe early Sunday morning?), but other than that, just fun, laughter, relaxation and exercise. And next week, I have promised myself I'm getting back into a regular gym routine!!! My body will love me for it!
Love and light!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
September 6, 2012 Keepin' on keepin' on!
Tonight I don't have the thought block I experienced, albeit temporarily, last night. An excellent night of dancing have the endorphins doing the happy dance, and as a result, the brain is primed and ready to exude!
It seems like everywhere you go, holiday magic is already being woven. Even in my half torn apart house, the spirit is finding its way in, the giggles and secrets are starting, the meal planning and open invitations are going out to friends who might not have family close by. We've discussed a couple of changes to our annual routine, and more than a couple of additions. So today I was thinking about how both Heather and Mathom can't seem to get enough leftovers after Thanksgiving. Even if it's just the 3 of us, a 25 pound bird just doesn't satisfy the two of them. So it occurred to me today that maybe I need to think outside the box, or bird as it were, and look to alternative birds which might come in industrial sizes. What came to mind today was the possibility of roasting, not a turkey, but an ostrich! Surely I could find a 50 pounder which would keep the two little piggies happy for awhile! The question is, how different in flavor would this alternative bird be? And would I be able to roast it in the traditional fashion or would it require a divide and conquer approach. I know for a fact that, as buff as I might be, there's no way I could lift a fully stuffed, 50 pound bird in and out of my oven, even assuming that the darn thing would fit! This doesn't even take into consideration where one might purchase such a large morsel of tastiness. I know there are ostrich ranches in Arizona, but do they even sell the birds for consumption, and,. if so, are they sold as the full bird, or do they only sell them in parts? I know that it's unlikely I'll find such a delicacy at Costco or Von's, but do I have to find a fancy shmancy specialty store that sells truffles for $800 an ounce before I can find something more sublime than a mere turkey???
My curiosity piqued, I just had to do a google search, and found several purveyors of ostrich meat, but I also discovered a distressing fact. Ostrich meat is more similar in flavor to beef than turkey! I know I won't be able to sell the kids on beef flavored turkey for Thanksgiving. So it's back to the drawing board. Anyone know where I can find a 30 pound turkey???
Thanksgiving is only the start of our holiday insanity. After we've done the keystone cops meet the Thanksgiving dinner preparation bit, stuffed ourselves beyond reason and made the requisite vat of turkey soup, we'll be setting our sights on Chanukah and Christmas. That is not to say that preparations for those holidays aren't already underway, of course. Shopping has already begun, and we're still over a month away from Halloween! I'm starting to scope out my game plan for the night before Thanksgiving when the very best online Black Friday deals will have been filling my inbox for weeks! I'm like the women who wait outside of Lohman's on sale day, and know exactly where in the store they're going to get that cashmere sweater or Evan Picone suit for 10 bucks! But I don't have to fight the crowds, I just wait for the stroke of midnight to start placing my orders. If I play my cards right again this year, I'll end up with enough Kohl's bucks to get some of the gifts for free!
Just like Mrs. Claws, I'm making my list, checking it twice and making sure I get the best prices on everything. After all, it's against my religion to pay retail!
Hmmm, a new poem, perhaps?
T'was Thanksgiving eve and the lights were down low.
Mom was poised at the computer bathed in monitor glow.
Open tabs, she had many, each marking a site
Where she'd rake in the deals by the end of the night.
I guess it needs some work, but definitely a thought I may add on to as we get closer to the big night! Meanwhile, I have tomorrow's breakfast to prepare, kitties to skritch and a bit of relaxing to do before I turn in for the night.
Love and light!
It seems like everywhere you go, holiday magic is already being woven. Even in my half torn apart house, the spirit is finding its way in, the giggles and secrets are starting, the meal planning and open invitations are going out to friends who might not have family close by. We've discussed a couple of changes to our annual routine, and more than a couple of additions. So today I was thinking about how both Heather and Mathom can't seem to get enough leftovers after Thanksgiving. Even if it's just the 3 of us, a 25 pound bird just doesn't satisfy the two of them. So it occurred to me today that maybe I need to think outside the box, or bird as it were, and look to alternative birds which might come in industrial sizes. What came to mind today was the possibility of roasting, not a turkey, but an ostrich! Surely I could find a 50 pounder which would keep the two little piggies happy for awhile! The question is, how different in flavor would this alternative bird be? And would I be able to roast it in the traditional fashion or would it require a divide and conquer approach. I know for a fact that, as buff as I might be, there's no way I could lift a fully stuffed, 50 pound bird in and out of my oven, even assuming that the darn thing would fit! This doesn't even take into consideration where one might purchase such a large morsel of tastiness. I know there are ostrich ranches in Arizona, but do they even sell the birds for consumption, and,. if so, are they sold as the full bird, or do they only sell them in parts? I know that it's unlikely I'll find such a delicacy at Costco or Von's, but do I have to find a fancy shmancy specialty store that sells truffles for $800 an ounce before I can find something more sublime than a mere turkey???
My curiosity piqued, I just had to do a google search, and found several purveyors of ostrich meat, but I also discovered a distressing fact. Ostrich meat is more similar in flavor to beef than turkey! I know I won't be able to sell the kids on beef flavored turkey for Thanksgiving. So it's back to the drawing board. Anyone know where I can find a 30 pound turkey???
Thanksgiving is only the start of our holiday insanity. After we've done the keystone cops meet the Thanksgiving dinner preparation bit, stuffed ourselves beyond reason and made the requisite vat of turkey soup, we'll be setting our sights on Chanukah and Christmas. That is not to say that preparations for those holidays aren't already underway, of course. Shopping has already begun, and we're still over a month away from Halloween! I'm starting to scope out my game plan for the night before Thanksgiving when the very best online Black Friday deals will have been filling my inbox for weeks! I'm like the women who wait outside of Lohman's on sale day, and know exactly where in the store they're going to get that cashmere sweater or Evan Picone suit for 10 bucks! But I don't have to fight the crowds, I just wait for the stroke of midnight to start placing my orders. If I play my cards right again this year, I'll end up with enough Kohl's bucks to get some of the gifts for free!
Just like Mrs. Claws, I'm making my list, checking it twice and making sure I get the best prices on everything. After all, it's against my religion to pay retail!
Hmmm, a new poem, perhaps?
T'was Thanksgiving eve and the lights were down low.
Mom was poised at the computer bathed in monitor glow.
Open tabs, she had many, each marking a site
Where she'd rake in the deals by the end of the night.
I guess it needs some work, but definitely a thought I may add on to as we get closer to the big night! Meanwhile, I have tomorrow's breakfast to prepare, kitties to skritch and a bit of relaxing to do before I turn in for the night.
Love and light!
September 5, 2012 Sticking with it, even when there's not much to say
In keeping with my promise to keep on bloggin', I'm putting something down tonight, even though I don't have much to say, at least, my brain is empty at the moment (but we all know how that can change in a nanosecond, and then, fingers will be hardpressed to keep up with the brain dump!)
Had dinner with the newlyweds tonight, always a silly occasion. After three weeks of wedded bliss, they're still mushballs, although they kept the face sucking to a minimum for a change!
The knee is still behaving well, so maybe it's not as offended by housework as I thought, because I've done some kind of chore or other every day except today, (unless you count taking the trash cans in and making my lunch for tomorrow) and it's only giving me little twinges of pain. I wish that would mean that the surgery wouldn't be necessary, but all it really means is that, for the moment, the knee has shifted back to where it belongs, but I already know that it will only take one thing to make it go back to a place which makes me a rather unhappy camper, not so much because of the pain, but because of the missed dance nights!!! (I do have my priorities in order, I really do!)
As is often the case when I have nothing of merit to say and admit it to myself and anyone else reading this little babble fest, I found myself suddenly inspired to take care of a couple of things. The first was at the suggestion of my manicurist. She said she thought it would be a good idea for me to write a review of my ex-contractor on Angie's List. After considering it for, oh, about 2 seconds, I agreed that she was right. I had been looking for a way to get the word out that he shouldn't be trusted, and that's a site which is used by a lot of people! And in getting online and writing the review, I took care of some other things (and the reason I'd joined the site a month or so ago), sending out requests for information to a couple of structural engineers and a couple of asbestos testing companies.
All of this is really no more than a continuation of the decluttering process. My mind had been mulling these things over for awhile, and the time just seemed right to get them out of my brain and into action! The mind boggles at what else will move from thought to action in the next few weeks and months! In the meantime, I'm thoroughly enjoying walking into my kitchen and seeing clean, cleared counters all the time, seeing cleared couches and floor space in my living room and clean dressers, chairs and floor space in my bedroom! I just know that all of this cleared space will be what inspires me to tackle the biggest clutterfest of all, my office!
But as things start to move from my brain to action, I am getting very excited about what is already manifesting, and more, what is yet to manifest and is still just a rambling little path in my imagination! I think Dr. Seuss said it best: "Oh the thinks you can THINK!" And the thinks I'm thinking now are starting to get bigger and better, grander and more amazing, and above all, POSSIBLE!!!! Now if I can just imagine a chunk of change with which to invest in a new endeavor I heard about today! :) As with everything else, I know the means will be there when the time is right for the ways to begin!
But the hour grows late and I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow, starting with a delightful little chat with a government auditor. I will just make every effort to see it as a learning experience on many levels. Our email communications have been quite civil so I'm hoping that this one is really just doing her job and not taking the position that the contractor is evil (admittedly, I really only had the misfortune of dealing with one like that, but the bad taste remains in my mouth from the experience!)
Imagining the possibilities and going to bed with a huge smile on my face! I feel like a kid the night before a trip to Disneyland!
Love and light!
Had dinner with the newlyweds tonight, always a silly occasion. After three weeks of wedded bliss, they're still mushballs, although they kept the face sucking to a minimum for a change!
The knee is still behaving well, so maybe it's not as offended by housework as I thought, because I've done some kind of chore or other every day except today, (unless you count taking the trash cans in and making my lunch for tomorrow) and it's only giving me little twinges of pain. I wish that would mean that the surgery wouldn't be necessary, but all it really means is that, for the moment, the knee has shifted back to where it belongs, but I already know that it will only take one thing to make it go back to a place which makes me a rather unhappy camper, not so much because of the pain, but because of the missed dance nights!!! (I do have my priorities in order, I really do!)
As is often the case when I have nothing of merit to say and admit it to myself and anyone else reading this little babble fest, I found myself suddenly inspired to take care of a couple of things. The first was at the suggestion of my manicurist. She said she thought it would be a good idea for me to write a review of my ex-contractor on Angie's List. After considering it for, oh, about 2 seconds, I agreed that she was right. I had been looking for a way to get the word out that he shouldn't be trusted, and that's a site which is used by a lot of people! And in getting online and writing the review, I took care of some other things (and the reason I'd joined the site a month or so ago), sending out requests for information to a couple of structural engineers and a couple of asbestos testing companies.
All of this is really no more than a continuation of the decluttering process. My mind had been mulling these things over for awhile, and the time just seemed right to get them out of my brain and into action! The mind boggles at what else will move from thought to action in the next few weeks and months! In the meantime, I'm thoroughly enjoying walking into my kitchen and seeing clean, cleared counters all the time, seeing cleared couches and floor space in my living room and clean dressers, chairs and floor space in my bedroom! I just know that all of this cleared space will be what inspires me to tackle the biggest clutterfest of all, my office!
But as things start to move from my brain to action, I am getting very excited about what is already manifesting, and more, what is yet to manifest and is still just a rambling little path in my imagination! I think Dr. Seuss said it best: "Oh the thinks you can THINK!" And the thinks I'm thinking now are starting to get bigger and better, grander and more amazing, and above all, POSSIBLE!!!! Now if I can just imagine a chunk of change with which to invest in a new endeavor I heard about today! :) As with everything else, I know the means will be there when the time is right for the ways to begin!
But the hour grows late and I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow, starting with a delightful little chat with a government auditor. I will just make every effort to see it as a learning experience on many levels. Our email communications have been quite civil so I'm hoping that this one is really just doing her job and not taking the position that the contractor is evil (admittedly, I really only had the misfortune of dealing with one like that, but the bad taste remains in my mouth from the experience!)
Imagining the possibilities and going to bed with a huge smile on my face! I feel like a kid the night before a trip to Disneyland!
Love and light!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
September 4, 2012 Evolution revolution
As I was getting my nails done tonight after a long, crazy day (which, for the record, didn't slow down again until sometime after 8PM!), our conversation wandered here, there and everywhere, and included discussions of old friendships, my remodel, this blog and why things happen the way they do. As I thought about the last one, and linked it to the remodel which is, for all intents and purposes, still on hold, I had an epiphany. My remodel, like the past weekend's major decluttering operation, didn't happen yet because, in reality, I wasn't, and probably am still not, ready for it to occur. Changing the layout of my house is a huge change for me, a real lifestyle change, and I had gone into it without enough thought, and definitely without a really good idea of what it was I really wanted. In short, I was settling, and the Universe being what it is, refused to allow that to happen! Instead, I encountered roadblock after roadblock, each of which I patiently worked through until I reached the final, show stopping one which put me where I am today, and was further exacerbated by the necessity of focusing on Heather's wedding to the exclusion of all other major projects.
The long hiatus has given me time to reassess what I've envisioned and I've found that it lacks a lot! For instance, I never really did a logical comparison of the pros and cons of building up as opposed to out. I didn't have a good plan (not that my contractor had a clue about developing a project plan) as to the logistics of living in a construction zone with my band of furry children. I thought I had it figured out but my contractor, as it turns out, was just paying me lip service and had no intention, or really any idea of how to make sure I was able to live in part of the house while he worked on another. Clearly, in hindsight, I did not choose well, but then, in hindsight, the timing was all wrong anyway! I had not yet made space in my life for the changes I was loosely envisioning!
So now, here I am, more than a year later, and I'm finally starting to see things more clearly, and even more, I'm finally starting to actually make space in my life for major changes. Whether I go ahead with the complete remodel, just re-do the kitchen, knock out a wall or two or something else entirely isn't the issue. What matters right now is the clarity that is coming, the evolution I'm experiencing as I move from one place in my life to another which is completely blank right now, with no expectations or preconceived notions. It is a sparkling clean canvas just waiting for something beautiful and exciting and new to grow on it's pristine surface in technicolor, three-dimensional glory!
When I tell people that things have not yet been resolved, I also add, with complete faith that they will all reach the right conclusion at the proper time, and in a much more amazing configuration than I, alone, could have envisioned.
So, what is it I've really learned? You have to put your ideas out to the Universe and, the bigger and grander they are, the more you have to trust that over time, they will develop into what they are meant to be. When you encounter roadblocks, while it is important to work through them, it is even more important to recognize when those roadblocks are red flags telling you that you're trying to hard to control the outcome and that you need to stand back and observe for a bit because you're getting so caught up in the miniscule details that you have lost sight, not only of the big picture, but of the real purpose and the original idea. So the short answer to the question with which I started this paragraph is "I've learned that many times, it is better to let go and exercise patience than to force something that's not right in the first place."
So today, I find myself on an evolution revolution, and like the roller coaster, I think I'll just hold on and enjoy the ride, the journey and the surprises that wait around the next double corkscrew, loop de loop and long, fast ride down!
Love and light.
The long hiatus has given me time to reassess what I've envisioned and I've found that it lacks a lot! For instance, I never really did a logical comparison of the pros and cons of building up as opposed to out. I didn't have a good plan (not that my contractor had a clue about developing a project plan) as to the logistics of living in a construction zone with my band of furry children. I thought I had it figured out but my contractor, as it turns out, was just paying me lip service and had no intention, or really any idea of how to make sure I was able to live in part of the house while he worked on another. Clearly, in hindsight, I did not choose well, but then, in hindsight, the timing was all wrong anyway! I had not yet made space in my life for the changes I was loosely envisioning!
So now, here I am, more than a year later, and I'm finally starting to see things more clearly, and even more, I'm finally starting to actually make space in my life for major changes. Whether I go ahead with the complete remodel, just re-do the kitchen, knock out a wall or two or something else entirely isn't the issue. What matters right now is the clarity that is coming, the evolution I'm experiencing as I move from one place in my life to another which is completely blank right now, with no expectations or preconceived notions. It is a sparkling clean canvas just waiting for something beautiful and exciting and new to grow on it's pristine surface in technicolor, three-dimensional glory!
When I tell people that things have not yet been resolved, I also add, with complete faith that they will all reach the right conclusion at the proper time, and in a much more amazing configuration than I, alone, could have envisioned.
So, what is it I've really learned? You have to put your ideas out to the Universe and, the bigger and grander they are, the more you have to trust that over time, they will develop into what they are meant to be. When you encounter roadblocks, while it is important to work through them, it is even more important to recognize when those roadblocks are red flags telling you that you're trying to hard to control the outcome and that you need to stand back and observe for a bit because you're getting so caught up in the miniscule details that you have lost sight, not only of the big picture, but of the real purpose and the original idea. So the short answer to the question with which I started this paragraph is "I've learned that many times, it is better to let go and exercise patience than to force something that's not right in the first place."
So today, I find myself on an evolution revolution, and like the roller coaster, I think I'll just hold on and enjoy the ride, the journey and the surprises that wait around the next double corkscrew, loop de loop and long, fast ride down!
Love and light.
Monday, September 3, 2012
September 3,. 2012 The best of intentions
As the title says, I started off today with the best of intentions. I was up early (for a holiday) and out the door to get groceries and animal supplies. I did, however, forget that Costco is closed on all holidays so they don't have to pay any more double time than necessary, so I wasn't able to get gas, but as I still have half a tank, it can wait until tomorrow or even Wednesday. Just habitual behaviour to fill up on the weekend so I have enough for the whole week.
Came home and as I was unloading groceries, I received an invitation to join my daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter at the movies. Unfortunately, I still had groceries to put away and my stomach to quiet and the movie started in half an hour. This led to a pretty lazy day parked in front of the TV, playing on my iPad and altogether avoiding going into my office at all. I did have a wonderful visit with the kids after the movie, and the boy Sera currently idolizes also stopped by with his dad. And I cooked up 2 dinners and 3 lunches worth of chicken, fish and fresh veggies and packaged everything up for the week (and wedged same into my already full refrigerator!). So all in all, it wasn't a wasted day at all, once I stop and think about it. I even have clean clothes as laundry was the first stop once I got out of bed and had a cup of coffee in me!
If I had to list accomplishments for this weekend, I'd have to say that my kitchen, living room and bedroom are completely decluttered now although I still need to clean wood furniture and vacuum and mop floors. My laundry is done, my refrigerator is full, I danced a full night on Saturday and I've blogged every single day. I think I'll give myself a huge "attagirl" and leave it at that! If I'm still overwhelmed by the idea of tackling the clutter in my office/den, it will ultimately pass because I've learned that if you look at the whole job, you might run away screaming, but if you break it into smaller bits, it becomes manageable, and before you know it, you're done!!! I simply need to pick a small section and start clearing. As one spot becomes clear, move on to the next until I run out of spaces to clear. Oh, yes, and imagine it all clean, beautiful and remodeled! All good things!!! This process is even, slowly, clearing out clutter in the garage, although that will be it's own project once I get the insides in order.
Rather reminds me of life. You have to get yourself in order before you can tackle the world. But then, when I first felt the urge to seriously declutter my house, I knew, conceptually, that it was what I needed in order to make the life changes I feel are necessary. For one thing, I'm not entirely sure what those changes will entail, and until I clear away all of the nonsense, I won't have any idea where to start. I'm simply in the process of making room right now. I don't know what or who, or why I'm making room, just that I need to do it, that I have a driving need to clear not just a path but a super highway because traffic is going to pick up and it will need a lot of space in which to do so. I do know that I hope to have it done before my surgery, and amazingly, my knee seems to be going along with the idea as it is behaving surprisingly well as long as I remember to rest and put it up every so often. If I don't, it gives me subtle reminders which would become seriously insistent should I fail to heed the initial warnings.
To a life less cluttered and wide avenues to explore!
Love and light.
Came home and as I was unloading groceries, I received an invitation to join my daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter at the movies. Unfortunately, I still had groceries to put away and my stomach to quiet and the movie started in half an hour. This led to a pretty lazy day parked in front of the TV, playing on my iPad and altogether avoiding going into my office at all. I did have a wonderful visit with the kids after the movie, and the boy Sera currently idolizes also stopped by with his dad. And I cooked up 2 dinners and 3 lunches worth of chicken, fish and fresh veggies and packaged everything up for the week (and wedged same into my already full refrigerator!). So all in all, it wasn't a wasted day at all, once I stop and think about it. I even have clean clothes as laundry was the first stop once I got out of bed and had a cup of coffee in me!
If I had to list accomplishments for this weekend, I'd have to say that my kitchen, living room and bedroom are completely decluttered now although I still need to clean wood furniture and vacuum and mop floors. My laundry is done, my refrigerator is full, I danced a full night on Saturday and I've blogged every single day. I think I'll give myself a huge "attagirl" and leave it at that! If I'm still overwhelmed by the idea of tackling the clutter in my office/den, it will ultimately pass because I've learned that if you look at the whole job, you might run away screaming, but if you break it into smaller bits, it becomes manageable, and before you know it, you're done!!! I simply need to pick a small section and start clearing. As one spot becomes clear, move on to the next until I run out of spaces to clear. Oh, yes, and imagine it all clean, beautiful and remodeled! All good things!!! This process is even, slowly, clearing out clutter in the garage, although that will be it's own project once I get the insides in order.
Rather reminds me of life. You have to get yourself in order before you can tackle the world. But then, when I first felt the urge to seriously declutter my house, I knew, conceptually, that it was what I needed in order to make the life changes I feel are necessary. For one thing, I'm not entirely sure what those changes will entail, and until I clear away all of the nonsense, I won't have any idea where to start. I'm simply in the process of making room right now. I don't know what or who, or why I'm making room, just that I need to do it, that I have a driving need to clear not just a path but a super highway because traffic is going to pick up and it will need a lot of space in which to do so. I do know that I hope to have it done before my surgery, and amazingly, my knee seems to be going along with the idea as it is behaving surprisingly well as long as I remember to rest and put it up every so often. If I don't, it gives me subtle reminders which would become seriously insistent should I fail to heed the initial warnings.
To a life less cluttered and wide avenues to explore!
Love and light.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
September 2, 2012 And so it continues...
Nobody told me decluttering my home, much less my life, was going to be so exhausting!!! As promised, I got an earlier start today, made quick work of the living room and started on my bedroom. YIKES!!! Have I really accumulated so much shit??? And don't even get me started on the stack of books I moved to my den, which is the next victim of my onslaught, if I don't fall victim first. My knees were much happier being pushed to the limit last night than they are with the rigors of cleaning! It's a race to see whether my drive or my knee gives out first! But I'm seeing dresser tops and walls I'd forgotten existed, so there is light at the end of the tunnel!
That is not to say that I didn't take a very long break between about 3 and 6 to ice my knee, go get food and just veg in front of the TV for awhile. But I am determined to finish my bedroom before I sleep. It seems that I'm getting a room done a day so I can't slip up now, or I'll have to face the rest of my bedroom and (of course I saved the worst for last) my den/office, or what clearly looks like where Border's puked up the last of it's books before closing it's doors! It is definitely a librarian's nightmare, a cross between post earthquake at the library and office supply hell. Not that Loki's propensity for crawling behind the monitor and printer has helped matters any! This is definitely NOT the room I'd choose to be in if another large earthquake hit. I'd likely be battered and bruised by Jude Deveraux and Fern Michaels before it was over. (thankfully, Nora Roberts is off to my left as her shelf is three deep and two high, spanning a shelf that's half the width of the room!)
But the stacks taking up residence on top of bins and the surface under the window are soon to find new homes. After a number of years of using the internet to do research, I decided it was time to pack up the old World Book Encyclopedia and Childcraft for my daughter to have when she finally gets a place with sufficient bookshelves for her own impressive collection.
But at this point, I'm still only envisioning clear counter, dresser and floor space as the process is yet far from completion. Not to minimize what has been accomplished because it's nothing short of amazing, if I do say so myself! (The felines, however, are not at all impressed. Their peaceful world is currently in a state of wild disarray as far as they are concerned, and the sooner life returns to normal and laps are made available for their use, the better!) OK, so I'm exaggerating how little has been done. My dresser is relatively clear as is one nightstand and I'm making inroads into the second one as well! Only one more box to rifle through, even if it IS the biggest one of all! And the plastic hooky things I got at Christmas time which I didn't end up using for hanging stockings are coming in really handy for putting up pictures and baseball caps in my room. A couple of over the door hangers are working well for my vast collection of hair bands and ties, and not a few things are finally making their way to the trash as I wonder why I kept them as long as I did!
Even more impressive is that my kitchen counters are still clear. I emptied the dishwasher when I got up so all dishes used or found in the course of decluttering are going straight in. I did have one frightening thought as I quickly wiped a bit of shmutz from the counter that I was taking after my mother in my craziness to keep things clean once I got them cleared and scrubbed. I hope this isn't terminal!
The funniest part of the clearing, though, is the cats' reactions. Scooby immediately took up residence on my suddenly empty director's chair (he especially likes the fact that it's bar stool height so he can survey his kingdom), Munchkin got the wild idea that I'd cleared the kitchen counter for her benefit, and I've had to chase Dylan and Toby off the dining room table more times than I can count! As if the two trees and the backs of the sofas aren't enough for them!
But my break time is over. I must finish my bedroom before I collapse in exhaustion.
Love and light
That is not to say that I didn't take a very long break between about 3 and 6 to ice my knee, go get food and just veg in front of the TV for awhile. But I am determined to finish my bedroom before I sleep. It seems that I'm getting a room done a day so I can't slip up now, or I'll have to face the rest of my bedroom and (of course I saved the worst for last) my den/office, or what clearly looks like where Border's puked up the last of it's books before closing it's doors! It is definitely a librarian's nightmare, a cross between post earthquake at the library and office supply hell. Not that Loki's propensity for crawling behind the monitor and printer has helped matters any! This is definitely NOT the room I'd choose to be in if another large earthquake hit. I'd likely be battered and bruised by Jude Deveraux and Fern Michaels before it was over. (thankfully, Nora Roberts is off to my left as her shelf is three deep and two high, spanning a shelf that's half the width of the room!)
But the stacks taking up residence on top of bins and the surface under the window are soon to find new homes. After a number of years of using the internet to do research, I decided it was time to pack up the old World Book Encyclopedia and Childcraft for my daughter to have when she finally gets a place with sufficient bookshelves for her own impressive collection.
But at this point, I'm still only envisioning clear counter, dresser and floor space as the process is yet far from completion. Not to minimize what has been accomplished because it's nothing short of amazing, if I do say so myself! (The felines, however, are not at all impressed. Their peaceful world is currently in a state of wild disarray as far as they are concerned, and the sooner life returns to normal and laps are made available for their use, the better!) OK, so I'm exaggerating how little has been done. My dresser is relatively clear as is one nightstand and I'm making inroads into the second one as well! Only one more box to rifle through, even if it IS the biggest one of all! And the plastic hooky things I got at Christmas time which I didn't end up using for hanging stockings are coming in really handy for putting up pictures and baseball caps in my room. A couple of over the door hangers are working well for my vast collection of hair bands and ties, and not a few things are finally making their way to the trash as I wonder why I kept them as long as I did!
Even more impressive is that my kitchen counters are still clear. I emptied the dishwasher when I got up so all dishes used or found in the course of decluttering are going straight in. I did have one frightening thought as I quickly wiped a bit of shmutz from the counter that I was taking after my mother in my craziness to keep things clean once I got them cleared and scrubbed. I hope this isn't terminal!
The funniest part of the clearing, though, is the cats' reactions. Scooby immediately took up residence on my suddenly empty director's chair (he especially likes the fact that it's bar stool height so he can survey his kingdom), Munchkin got the wild idea that I'd cleared the kitchen counter for her benefit, and I've had to chase Dylan and Toby off the dining room table more times than I can count! As if the two trees and the backs of the sofas aren't enough for them!
But my break time is over. I must finish my bedroom before I collapse in exhaustion.
Love and light
Saturday, September 1, 2012
September 1, 2012 Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to clean I go!
Over the last couple of weeks, since wedding frenzy ended, I've told myself I should resume my decluttering in preparation for the changes I know are still coming, but knee pain and, let's face it, laziness, won out! But today, after dragging my butt for a couple more hours than I should have, I actually succumbed to the need to clear my space, as it were. Thus, I sit here at 3:00 PM with a clean kitchen (except for the floor which will be part of a mass floor blitzkrieg once all rooms are cleared!), resting my knee before beginning an onslaught on the living room.
The cats are looking at me like I've lost another pound of marbles, but have finally gotten the idea and are staying out from under my feet. I'm even resisting my usual urge to work on another room when I put things in their proper place. It was a struggle at first, especially when I got to the storage room in the garage. OK, so I rearranged a little, but I needed to get some printer paper, and there were a couple of things which, when rearranged, made it easier to get to other things I needed, like, for example, my weights!
...several hours later...
Didn't get to the living room today, but I plan on starting earlier tomorrow. I had to save my strength (and my knees) for a truly amazing night of dancing, chatting and best of all, laughing. It was a wonderful, energy filled night with my dance friends. The atmosphere was especially festive despite the fact that it was quite warm and we were all oozing body fluids profusely. ( I know that sounds nasty, but it's what my fingers wanted to type! Sweat just wasn't graphic enough!) So endorphins are happy, knee is pretty happy, and best of all, I'm ecstatic! Dancing and socializing with people who see the world as I do, that without our dance nights, life is just dull and dreary! Seriously, no matter how bad a day might have been, you walk through that door, put your dance shoes on, and the rest doesn't matter. You get into a better frame of mind and you can handle whatever life dishes out. Dancing equals bucket loads of positive energy and with positive energy, we are unstoppable!
Sure those pesky negative thoughts may try to sneak in, but like roaches and Raid, the positive energy body slams the negative thoughts into oblivion! They do not like the rarified air that positive energy creates. When we breathe it in, our whole body smiles, and our face just glows with all of that greatness. I think that if I danced for an hour before tackling any project, I would complete it faster, easier and better for the endorphin rush. I may have to give that a try before I start cleaning again tomorrow! It might make me get the living room, bedroom and office done, plus the floor scrubbing!! Then I'll have all day Monday to be lazy or crazy, as I see fit! Maybe all of the above!!!
Love and light!
The cats are looking at me like I've lost another pound of marbles, but have finally gotten the idea and are staying out from under my feet. I'm even resisting my usual urge to work on another room when I put things in their proper place. It was a struggle at first, especially when I got to the storage room in the garage. OK, so I rearranged a little, but I needed to get some printer paper, and there were a couple of things which, when rearranged, made it easier to get to other things I needed, like, for example, my weights!
...several hours later...
Didn't get to the living room today, but I plan on starting earlier tomorrow. I had to save my strength (and my knees) for a truly amazing night of dancing, chatting and best of all, laughing. It was a wonderful, energy filled night with my dance friends. The atmosphere was especially festive despite the fact that it was quite warm and we were all oozing body fluids profusely. ( I know that sounds nasty, but it's what my fingers wanted to type! Sweat just wasn't graphic enough!) So endorphins are happy, knee is pretty happy, and best of all, I'm ecstatic! Dancing and socializing with people who see the world as I do, that without our dance nights, life is just dull and dreary! Seriously, no matter how bad a day might have been, you walk through that door, put your dance shoes on, and the rest doesn't matter. You get into a better frame of mind and you can handle whatever life dishes out. Dancing equals bucket loads of positive energy and with positive energy, we are unstoppable!
Sure those pesky negative thoughts may try to sneak in, but like roaches and Raid, the positive energy body slams the negative thoughts into oblivion! They do not like the rarified air that positive energy creates. When we breathe it in, our whole body smiles, and our face just glows with all of that greatness. I think that if I danced for an hour before tackling any project, I would complete it faster, easier and better for the endorphin rush. I may have to give that a try before I start cleaning again tomorrow! It might make me get the living room, bedroom and office done, plus the floor scrubbing!! Then I'll have all day Monday to be lazy or crazy, as I see fit! Maybe all of the above!!!
Love and light!
Friday, August 31, 2012
August 31, 2012 (Blue Moon) A Blog a day keeps the doctor away!
Some folks say that a wish made on the Blue Moon will manifest itself in the months to come. But when is a wish not a wish?
I believe that wishes are really intentions that we're not quite ready to commit to, so we word them as a wish, a desire, a hope instead of something more solid like an intention. But in order to make something manifest, we have to commit to it. A wish is like saying "oh, I'd like chocolate ice cream but if a bowl of jello is the best I can hope for, I'll be happy with that too." To heck with that, I say! Give me the double chocolate fudge ice cream with raspberry swirls, and I'll take a creme brulee too! I'm telling that big, blue moon up there that with him or without him, I will make my dreams come true! (of course, a little help is never something I'd turn away!)
So, Mr. Blue Moon, here it is. My intentions for this year are to get back on track with that book of mine which has been waiting too long to come out of me and into the sunlight, to continue improving my health and well-being, mind, body and spirit, to achieve the independence I desire and to live my life abundantly.
On the topic of independence, I am truly amazed at the "opportunities" which find their way into my email these days. The latest in a long series of them tells me that in 4 easy (and free) lessons, I, too, can become a life coach and charge people for monthly phone consultations which will net me 6 figures a year because the demand for life coaches is so great now, and there are only about 20,000 in the world today! The 4 videos will teach me everything I need to know to not only become a life coach, but to market myself and find clients willing to pay between $250 and $1500 a month for phone consultations with me. Of course, the fine print tells you that if you don't get everything from the free videos, you're welcome to sign up for their extra special course, which is, of course, not free! It reminds me of the fellow selling his book which teaches you how to make a million dollars, and he only wants $30 for it! The lesson he teaches could be summed up in a couple of sentences. There's a sucker born every minute, and a fool and his money are soon parted. the question is, do I want to contribute to someone else's next million? Am I the fool to be parted from my hard earned coin? Do these get rich quick from the comfort of your own home schemes really sound believable to me?
I'll bet the psychotherapists are plotzing over people like this who essentially claim (in very poor grammar) that they can replace therapists because most people going to therapists are not mentally ill! As a numbers person, I would love to see where they get their data! Anyone can make a nifty little speech claiming that you can make $100K a year just by calling a few people on the phone every month and helping them achieve their goals. But I want hard facts to prove this claim. Show me real people who are part of the "20,000 life coaches world wide". And where did the 20,000 come from? Sure, it sounds good on paper, especially when compared to the millions of attorneys, and heaven knows, more people need life coaches than attorneys, right? With unemployment high, I can really see people saying "oh, honey, we don't need to eat this month. I need to pay my life coach! You'll see, though. It'll pay off a thousand times when I'm making that 6 figure income from the comfort of my sofa!"
But I have no problem listening to the free webinars from the people who claim to have made millions from coaching, book sales and the like. If their claims are true, I'm sure to glean a few tidbits from what they're willing to offer to me free of charge, or, failing that, I get a little more material for my own writing efforts.
So stay tuned to this page for my rants which may range from "life coaching" to "manifesting your soulmate" to "writing a best seller". I've discovered that for any intention I might set for myself, there's someone out there willing to sell me a fool proof way to get there. But who really is the fool?
Not just anybody's fool!
Love and light
I believe that wishes are really intentions that we're not quite ready to commit to, so we word them as a wish, a desire, a hope instead of something more solid like an intention. But in order to make something manifest, we have to commit to it. A wish is like saying "oh, I'd like chocolate ice cream but if a bowl of jello is the best I can hope for, I'll be happy with that too." To heck with that, I say! Give me the double chocolate fudge ice cream with raspberry swirls, and I'll take a creme brulee too! I'm telling that big, blue moon up there that with him or without him, I will make my dreams come true! (of course, a little help is never something I'd turn away!)
So, Mr. Blue Moon, here it is. My intentions for this year are to get back on track with that book of mine which has been waiting too long to come out of me and into the sunlight, to continue improving my health and well-being, mind, body and spirit, to achieve the independence I desire and to live my life abundantly.
On the topic of independence, I am truly amazed at the "opportunities" which find their way into my email these days. The latest in a long series of them tells me that in 4 easy (and free) lessons, I, too, can become a life coach and charge people for monthly phone consultations which will net me 6 figures a year because the demand for life coaches is so great now, and there are only about 20,000 in the world today! The 4 videos will teach me everything I need to know to not only become a life coach, but to market myself and find clients willing to pay between $250 and $1500 a month for phone consultations with me. Of course, the fine print tells you that if you don't get everything from the free videos, you're welcome to sign up for their extra special course, which is, of course, not free! It reminds me of the fellow selling his book which teaches you how to make a million dollars, and he only wants $30 for it! The lesson he teaches could be summed up in a couple of sentences. There's a sucker born every minute, and a fool and his money are soon parted. the question is, do I want to contribute to someone else's next million? Am I the fool to be parted from my hard earned coin? Do these get rich quick from the comfort of your own home schemes really sound believable to me?
I'll bet the psychotherapists are plotzing over people like this who essentially claim (in very poor grammar) that they can replace therapists because most people going to therapists are not mentally ill! As a numbers person, I would love to see where they get their data! Anyone can make a nifty little speech claiming that you can make $100K a year just by calling a few people on the phone every month and helping them achieve their goals. But I want hard facts to prove this claim. Show me real people who are part of the "20,000 life coaches world wide". And where did the 20,000 come from? Sure, it sounds good on paper, especially when compared to the millions of attorneys, and heaven knows, more people need life coaches than attorneys, right? With unemployment high, I can really see people saying "oh, honey, we don't need to eat this month. I need to pay my life coach! You'll see, though. It'll pay off a thousand times when I'm making that 6 figure income from the comfort of my sofa!"
But I have no problem listening to the free webinars from the people who claim to have made millions from coaching, book sales and the like. If their claims are true, I'm sure to glean a few tidbits from what they're willing to offer to me free of charge, or, failing that, I get a little more material for my own writing efforts.
So stay tuned to this page for my rants which may range from "life coaching" to "manifesting your soulmate" to "writing a best seller". I've discovered that for any intention I might set for myself, there's someone out there willing to sell me a fool proof way to get there. But who really is the fool?
Not just anybody's fool!
Love and light
Thursday, August 30, 2012
August 30, 2012 Consistency
In the interests of consistency, I am, once again, poised before my computer, keyboard in hand (or under fingers, as it were) attempting to document my thoughts and ponderings.
Sad to say, I had to cut my dancing short tonight, and in so doing, failed to get my cherished endorphin rush, but the perils of the knee and a rare moment of good sense won out. I woke this morning with my knee swollen up again, probably from the chores I did yesterday. I tried to tell my mom, years ago, that chores were bad for the health, and now that I have proof, she's not around to share my new found knowledge with! Drat and double drat! Worse still, I can't shirk my duties because my kitties are depending on me for food, water and of course, clean sandboxes! Regrettably, clean sandboxes trump swollen knee! Oh, the stench of it all! (But if you've ever had a cat, fresh, or really not so fresh, from an unclean sandbox, decide they wanted to snuggle and rub against your face, you'll understand why the sandbox cleaning must take priority!) I love my furry darlings dearly, and wouldn't give them up for anything, and, in fact, will be extremely glad for their company when I'm laid up after the surgery, but sandbox stench is not on my list of comfort smells.
Speaking of comfort, I did get a bit more of it tonight. I spoke with another dancer who speaks very highly of my surgeon. I cannot believe how lucky I was to accidentally get an appointment with him! I just called the closest orthopedic center which happened to be in the old IHOP building less than a mile from my house. As it happens, one of the other doctors there is someone my daughter went to a few years ago, and who left us singularly unimpressed, so the Universe was surely watching out for me on this one!!!
At any rate, I got a little bit of dancing and some socializing in before I realized that every time I danced, my knee socked it to me, and that, if I didn't take off my dance shoes and go home, I'd continue getting up to dance and might further aggravate the situation. So, yes, I actually showed some good sense, even though it meant a very short, endorphin free night of dancing. But I know that this rare bout of good sense will help me continue dancing for a lot more years. Good grief! I'm actually taking my own advice and listening to my body! What will I do next! This is rather frightening! That book may actually get written in this millenium! Well, it IS a blue moon tomorrow night, so I suppose anything might happen! Hmmmm, time to come up with some really incredible wishes! It's clear that I have the Universe's ear!
Pondering my most majestic and abundant wishes!
Love and light
Sad to say, I had to cut my dancing short tonight, and in so doing, failed to get my cherished endorphin rush, but the perils of the knee and a rare moment of good sense won out. I woke this morning with my knee swollen up again, probably from the chores I did yesterday. I tried to tell my mom, years ago, that chores were bad for the health, and now that I have proof, she's not around to share my new found knowledge with! Drat and double drat! Worse still, I can't shirk my duties because my kitties are depending on me for food, water and of course, clean sandboxes! Regrettably, clean sandboxes trump swollen knee! Oh, the stench of it all! (But if you've ever had a cat, fresh, or really not so fresh, from an unclean sandbox, decide they wanted to snuggle and rub against your face, you'll understand why the sandbox cleaning must take priority!) I love my furry darlings dearly, and wouldn't give them up for anything, and, in fact, will be extremely glad for their company when I'm laid up after the surgery, but sandbox stench is not on my list of comfort smells.
Speaking of comfort, I did get a bit more of it tonight. I spoke with another dancer who speaks very highly of my surgeon. I cannot believe how lucky I was to accidentally get an appointment with him! I just called the closest orthopedic center which happened to be in the old IHOP building less than a mile from my house. As it happens, one of the other doctors there is someone my daughter went to a few years ago, and who left us singularly unimpressed, so the Universe was surely watching out for me on this one!!!
At any rate, I got a little bit of dancing and some socializing in before I realized that every time I danced, my knee socked it to me, and that, if I didn't take off my dance shoes and go home, I'd continue getting up to dance and might further aggravate the situation. So, yes, I actually showed some good sense, even though it meant a very short, endorphin free night of dancing. But I know that this rare bout of good sense will help me continue dancing for a lot more years. Good grief! I'm actually taking my own advice and listening to my body! What will I do next! This is rather frightening! That book may actually get written in this millenium! Well, it IS a blue moon tomorrow night, so I suppose anything might happen! Hmmmm, time to come up with some really incredible wishes! It's clear that I have the Universe's ear!
Pondering my most majestic and abundant wishes!
Love and light
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
August 29, 2012 Beginning again
I'm sitting here trying to get my thoughts together and all I can think of is "Wow! The last 8 months have gone by so fast, it's made my head spin!" But the wedding is behind us now, the kids have settled into their new life together (or officially, legally together anyway) and all is quiet on the home front. Quieter than I'd like, if the truth be told, as I aggravated what was probably already an existing knee injury and am now scheduled for surgery in early October. That means I can't dance as much as I'd like to for fear of making it worse, but it does NOT mean that I've refrained from dancing at all. I'm just limiting myself to my two main nights, picking and choosing the dances and dance partners carefully so as not to make things worse. I'm also spending a lot more time in front of the TV with my leg up, which delights my furry children almost to delirium. Toby is almost completely knot-free as he grudgingly submits to short bouts with the de-shedding rake while snuggled in my lap. Loki is more beautiful than she's ever been, but I just man handle her until I'm happy with the condition of her coat. The rest do a good job of taking care of themselves, but have lower maintenance coats which simplifies their efforts.
At any rate, wedding mania behind me means that I no longer have any excuse to at the very least, make regular entries in this blog, and, all other craziness willing, to actually get back to my book. In the hiatus, I've had a lot of time to think about what I really want to put into it, as it was starting to become just another whiny diatribe towards people and things over which I have no control. But in the meantime, I've become a great deal more compassionate towards my mother and the life I'm learning she must have led.
I'm also becoming increasingly aware that she was only 2 years older than I am when she took her life. And with that awareness comes a boatload of gratitude that I found out how to find my bliss, my joy, my very center of being and my purpose well before I had a chance to take the downhill path she did. While she followed her depression and didn't or couldn't let go of it, I think I've learned from both hers and mine and realized that in the grand Universal choice, I choose Happy! I love being able to let go of my responsible self and just be joyful. I love my crazy, silly, supportive, delightful, positive friends who continually remind me and keep me on track. I even love my bouts (albeit very short ones) of gloom that remind me how lucky I am to have so much love and joy in my life.
Will this change my perspective when I take on my book again? Probably. Will I read what I've written, declare it drek and just trash it and start all over? Maybe. Does it really matter which way I go? Absolutely not! What matters is that I will start writing and whatever comes out will be wonderful.
Lately, I have noticed a lot of little things happening after I make a declaration to the Universe. Little things, like traffic clearing in front of me, or a parking spot opening up, or finding something I wanted. But each time, I acknowledge receiving it and thank the Universe for listening and responding. So as I was driving home tonight, and after one of those little serendipities, I realized that it's once again time to let the Universe know about some of the larger things I want, life changing, earth shattering, maybe even world changing things. Of course, the first thing I wanted to do was carefully formulate those requests, but I realized that that's really the last thing I want to do. Better to just get the request out there and let the Universe work it's magic and in it's usual, inimitable fashion, make my request even better than my puny imagination can currently conjure. So at this point, I just asked for independent working conditions, and to be able to support myself in the style to which I'd like to become accustomed. I think that's vague enough!
I was also reading today that when the Universe sees that you've truly opened your heart to your soulmate, there is nothing to do but bring you together! (I guess Munchkin, my little Abyssinian, is my soulmate as she curled up on my chest right after I typed that!) But seriously, I'm becoming increasingly conscious of the negative thoughts which creep into my mind when I think about a life partner. Things like "I won't find someone who likes me at this weight" or "I don't want someone who doesn't dance" and on and on and on. I've learned that these kinds of thoughts are self-sabotaging in so many ways and on so many levels so I try to nip them in the bud. Telling myself I'm beautiful, sexy, sassy and delicious every chance I get pushes out the thoughts that anyone else could see me otherwise (but let me tell you, it requires a lot of discipline to lock out thoughts which were embedded in me over a lifetime!) and making a point of being grateful for the wonderful dance partners I am fortunate enough to share with the other dancers helps dispell the non-dancer vibes. But again, it's a continuous process and it's so easy to let my guard down and let the negative thoughts sneak in. They're a lot like the bad cholesterol. They can sneak in through the tiniest cracks while the good thoughts take up more space. The trick is to fill up all of the available space with the good thoughts and just leave no room for the sneaky, dark, grumpy, gloomy negativity. The joy engendered by those happy, hopeful, positive thoughts will be the grout that seals the tiniest of cracks and protects the overall structure of my positive, abundant, joyful self.
And speaking of grout, I'm about to start revisiting the remodel. First up is to contact both a structural engineer and an asbestos testing company to get answers to how I might make my kitchen, at least, happen sooner rather than later. If the answers I get are workable, I'll get an electrician and a plumber involved, figure out the granite countertops and maybe have a new kitchen, at least, for the holidays! (Only a year later than planned, but what's a year in the general scheme of things?)
After I figure that out, I'll contact an architect and look into building up instead of out, and just knocking out some walls to make my living room and office/library bigger. I wonder how the cats will adapt to having to go upstairs to snuggle at night?
So much to think about, research and decide. But like everything else, I can only put one foot in front of the other as I walk whichever path I choose. And so, I take that first step and begin to write again.
Love and light
At any rate, wedding mania behind me means that I no longer have any excuse to at the very least, make regular entries in this blog, and, all other craziness willing, to actually get back to my book. In the hiatus, I've had a lot of time to think about what I really want to put into it, as it was starting to become just another whiny diatribe towards people and things over which I have no control. But in the meantime, I've become a great deal more compassionate towards my mother and the life I'm learning she must have led.
I'm also becoming increasingly aware that she was only 2 years older than I am when she took her life. And with that awareness comes a boatload of gratitude that I found out how to find my bliss, my joy, my very center of being and my purpose well before I had a chance to take the downhill path she did. While she followed her depression and didn't or couldn't let go of it, I think I've learned from both hers and mine and realized that in the grand Universal choice, I choose Happy! I love being able to let go of my responsible self and just be joyful. I love my crazy, silly, supportive, delightful, positive friends who continually remind me and keep me on track. I even love my bouts (albeit very short ones) of gloom that remind me how lucky I am to have so much love and joy in my life.
Will this change my perspective when I take on my book again? Probably. Will I read what I've written, declare it drek and just trash it and start all over? Maybe. Does it really matter which way I go? Absolutely not! What matters is that I will start writing and whatever comes out will be wonderful.
Lately, I have noticed a lot of little things happening after I make a declaration to the Universe. Little things, like traffic clearing in front of me, or a parking spot opening up, or finding something I wanted. But each time, I acknowledge receiving it and thank the Universe for listening and responding. So as I was driving home tonight, and after one of those little serendipities, I realized that it's once again time to let the Universe know about some of the larger things I want, life changing, earth shattering, maybe even world changing things. Of course, the first thing I wanted to do was carefully formulate those requests, but I realized that that's really the last thing I want to do. Better to just get the request out there and let the Universe work it's magic and in it's usual, inimitable fashion, make my request even better than my puny imagination can currently conjure. So at this point, I just asked for independent working conditions, and to be able to support myself in the style to which I'd like to become accustomed. I think that's vague enough!
I was also reading today that when the Universe sees that you've truly opened your heart to your soulmate, there is nothing to do but bring you together! (I guess Munchkin, my little Abyssinian, is my soulmate as she curled up on my chest right after I typed that!) But seriously, I'm becoming increasingly conscious of the negative thoughts which creep into my mind when I think about a life partner. Things like "I won't find someone who likes me at this weight" or "I don't want someone who doesn't dance" and on and on and on. I've learned that these kinds of thoughts are self-sabotaging in so many ways and on so many levels so I try to nip them in the bud. Telling myself I'm beautiful, sexy, sassy and delicious every chance I get pushes out the thoughts that anyone else could see me otherwise (but let me tell you, it requires a lot of discipline to lock out thoughts which were embedded in me over a lifetime!) and making a point of being grateful for the wonderful dance partners I am fortunate enough to share with the other dancers helps dispell the non-dancer vibes. But again, it's a continuous process and it's so easy to let my guard down and let the negative thoughts sneak in. They're a lot like the bad cholesterol. They can sneak in through the tiniest cracks while the good thoughts take up more space. The trick is to fill up all of the available space with the good thoughts and just leave no room for the sneaky, dark, grumpy, gloomy negativity. The joy engendered by those happy, hopeful, positive thoughts will be the grout that seals the tiniest of cracks and protects the overall structure of my positive, abundant, joyful self.
And speaking of grout, I'm about to start revisiting the remodel. First up is to contact both a structural engineer and an asbestos testing company to get answers to how I might make my kitchen, at least, happen sooner rather than later. If the answers I get are workable, I'll get an electrician and a plumber involved, figure out the granite countertops and maybe have a new kitchen, at least, for the holidays! (Only a year later than planned, but what's a year in the general scheme of things?)
After I figure that out, I'll contact an architect and look into building up instead of out, and just knocking out some walls to make my living room and office/library bigger. I wonder how the cats will adapt to having to go upstairs to snuggle at night?
So much to think about, research and decide. But like everything else, I can only put one foot in front of the other as I walk whichever path I choose. And so, I take that first step and begin to write again.
Love and light
Sunday, July 8, 2012
July 8, 2012 Epiphany
I started cleaning yesterday in preparation for Heather's bridal shower but as I cleaned, spending 5 hours on the kitchen alone, I realized that what I was doing was more than a simple (or not so simple, given how long it had been since I'd done a real deep cleaning) house cleaning. It was more of a soul deep cleansing for me. By the time I went dancing last night, I felt really good about what I'd accomplished, but knew that I would spend today on the project because there was much more I needed to do before I reached the end of my task. But it wasn't until I sat on the sofa to untangle a bunch of cords and wires from my electronics which had been disconnected and stored months ago in preparation for the now postponed remodel that I realized what I'd really, unconsciously, set out to do.
The last year has been one of ups, downs, starts, stops, sharp turns and major changes. I had reconciled myself to the fact that the remodel would not recommence until after I'd completed the legalities and definitely after Heather's wedding. I was pleasantly surprised when the kids re-did my bathroom and the floor in Jenni's old room so I can actually provide accommodations for one or two of my out-of-town guests should they want to stay. This is an unexpected and welcome bonus for me!
But I digress. While untangling the wires and cords, I realized that the true purpose for my efforts this weekend was an untangling of myself. I've been wound up very tightly over the remodel fiasco and Heather's wedding, to the point where I'd started having regular migraines, or at least pre-migraines. My motivation to do a lot of things was at an all-time low, despite many demands on my time and brain. The reality is that, like the excess weight, I'd wrapped my clutter and, yes, my slovenliness around me like a protective blanket. As long as I lived like I did, I could continue with my self-imposed isolation. Yes, I've gotten more friendly and spend a lot more time getting to know the people around me, but that was merely a baby step. The time has come for me to really step outside of my comfort zone and make the steps, nay, the strides to which I keep giving lip service, but no real substance.
Instead of just teasing people with the opportunity to be a part of my life, I need to start offering real opportunities. Instead of just talking about writing my book, I need to get serious about it. (though after the wedding, of course!) Instead of just saying that I'm open if "that right person" happens to wander into my life, I need to shake the cobwebs off of my heart and really mean it. In other words, I need to walk the walk and talk the talk!
So what I can't really explain to my already overwhelmed daughter right now is that I need to unclutter my house so I can unclutter myself. Clean is a great start, and I am incredibly grateful for all the work she and Mathom have done this week, but I have to dig through those boxes and bags ruthlessly, giving or throwing away so much that no longer serves me. Even though it meant not only declining a beautiful drive with kids I adore to go wine tasting in a gorgeous example of Southern California, but also declining an opportunity to spend the afternoon with my oh-so-adorable granddaughter while her mommy went car shopping.
But the fruits of this weekend's labor will yield more and higher quality time in the weeks to come to enjoy those simple pleasures.
Love and light
The last year has been one of ups, downs, starts, stops, sharp turns and major changes. I had reconciled myself to the fact that the remodel would not recommence until after I'd completed the legalities and definitely after Heather's wedding. I was pleasantly surprised when the kids re-did my bathroom and the floor in Jenni's old room so I can actually provide accommodations for one or two of my out-of-town guests should they want to stay. This is an unexpected and welcome bonus for me!
But I digress. While untangling the wires and cords, I realized that the true purpose for my efforts this weekend was an untangling of myself. I've been wound up very tightly over the remodel fiasco and Heather's wedding, to the point where I'd started having regular migraines, or at least pre-migraines. My motivation to do a lot of things was at an all-time low, despite many demands on my time and brain. The reality is that, like the excess weight, I'd wrapped my clutter and, yes, my slovenliness around me like a protective blanket. As long as I lived like I did, I could continue with my self-imposed isolation. Yes, I've gotten more friendly and spend a lot more time getting to know the people around me, but that was merely a baby step. The time has come for me to really step outside of my comfort zone and make the steps, nay, the strides to which I keep giving lip service, but no real substance.
Instead of just teasing people with the opportunity to be a part of my life, I need to start offering real opportunities. Instead of just talking about writing my book, I need to get serious about it. (though after the wedding, of course!) Instead of just saying that I'm open if "that right person" happens to wander into my life, I need to shake the cobwebs off of my heart and really mean it. In other words, I need to walk the walk and talk the talk!
So what I can't really explain to my already overwhelmed daughter right now is that I need to unclutter my house so I can unclutter myself. Clean is a great start, and I am incredibly grateful for all the work she and Mathom have done this week, but I have to dig through those boxes and bags ruthlessly, giving or throwing away so much that no longer serves me. Even though it meant not only declining a beautiful drive with kids I adore to go wine tasting in a gorgeous example of Southern California, but also declining an opportunity to spend the afternoon with my oh-so-adorable granddaughter while her mommy went car shopping.
But the fruits of this weekend's labor will yield more and higher quality time in the weeks to come to enjoy those simple pleasures.
Love and light
Monday, June 4, 2012
June 4, 2012 Unconditional love
After a crazy busy Saturday, I took a day off on Sunday to spend time with my cats, sleep a lot and meditate. The epiphany I experienced during this down time was such that I am walking much lighter today and have the basis for my meditations for awhile. As I looked into the eyes of my boys, Dylan, Toby and Scooby while stroking them and skritching behind their ears, I saw a look of such open, unadulterated and unconditional love that made me feel like the most blessed person in the world. And I realized that that is what I have to give to the Universe, nothing less than unconditional love. And it occurs to me that in focusing on spreading nothing but unconditional love I have no room for negative, unpleasant or unproductive thoughts. Any anger or frustration that might have been building up inside of me as a result of recent developments suddenly has no meaning and certainly no place in my life or my mind.
And as I'm ever one to take a thought as far as it will go, I envision this spreading of unconditional love coming from many people until it touches everyone, everywhere. Imagine sending out unconditional love vibes to every corner of the Universe until everybody feels loved and has no more reason to exhibit behaviour which results from feeling a lack of love! Of course, I do have to wonder if there are those who might be resistant to those waves of love, and who will continue on their paths in spite of the high levels of positive energy? Are there those who, despite the multitudes expressing unconditional love, who might still tread their path of darkness? Would they still be necessary if only to help us recognize what the alternatives might be? Will the masses of loving souls be able to counteract any darkness they might perpetuate? Will they, like magnets, be drawn to like souls but otherwise be neutralized?
I may never get the answers to these and many of the other questions my mind ponders, but I do know that doing my part to spread universal, unconditional love is a task I accept gladly, and hope that my own small effort will make the world a better place.
Is this something I do silently and inconspicuously or do I invite others to join in sending waves of unconditional love out to the Universe, that it may be distributed when and where it's needed?
These and other burning questions will be answered in the days, weeks and months ahead, leaving room for even more burning questions!
Unconditional love and light,
And as I'm ever one to take a thought as far as it will go, I envision this spreading of unconditional love coming from many people until it touches everyone, everywhere. Imagine sending out unconditional love vibes to every corner of the Universe until everybody feels loved and has no more reason to exhibit behaviour which results from feeling a lack of love! Of course, I do have to wonder if there are those who might be resistant to those waves of love, and who will continue on their paths in spite of the high levels of positive energy? Are there those who, despite the multitudes expressing unconditional love, who might still tread their path of darkness? Would they still be necessary if only to help us recognize what the alternatives might be? Will the masses of loving souls be able to counteract any darkness they might perpetuate? Will they, like magnets, be drawn to like souls but otherwise be neutralized?
I may never get the answers to these and many of the other questions my mind ponders, but I do know that doing my part to spread universal, unconditional love is a task I accept gladly, and hope that my own small effort will make the world a better place.
Is this something I do silently and inconspicuously or do I invite others to join in sending waves of unconditional love out to the Universe, that it may be distributed when and where it's needed?
These and other burning questions will be answered in the days, weeks and months ahead, leaving room for even more burning questions!
Unconditional love and light,
Thursday, May 24, 2012
May 24, 2012 Musings on Patience
While driving to work today, my mind was doing its usual meandering and the path it chose to take caused me to consider the fact that my patience has been sorely tried over the last few weeks. This led me to ponder the fact that patience is probably one of my weakest qualities so what better way to strengthen a muscle than to use it on heavier and heavier tasks? At this point, I experienced one of those "aha moments" I've come to think of as Universal head slaps. Clearly, it's important for me to learn to be more patient so I'm being given many opportunities to practice the art. So if I don't want the challenges to get more difficult, it would behoove me to start absorbing the lesson being set before me! Sadly, the day degenerated into one gigantic challenge until the working portion of it ended. I guess, in my defense, I did manage to accomplish the necessary tasks without strangling anyone or doing other bodily harm in the process, and I am even more grateful that I have a four day weekend ahead of me in which to recover some of the patience I lost this week!
Love and light.
Love and light.
Monday, May 14, 2012
May 14, 2012 I thank the Universe for lessons in unexpected places
Today I was once again treated to a co-worker's verbal abuse, but I am very grateful because she gave me the opportunity to practice addressing her rude, belligerent, abusive behaviour calmly and to put a stop to it in no uncertain terms. She also gave me the opportunity to realize that not only can we treat people respectfully, allowing them to return the favor, we can also treat people disrespectfully, and can expect some to respond in kind as well. Even more, she gave me an incredible appreciation for the self-love I've found over the last decade or so. I realize that when I treat people rudely, it is truly a reflection of something in myself I am finding unpleasant.
One area which continues to puzzle me is people with a sense of entitlement. I cannot conceive of having expectations of the Universe or any of its inhabitants without a willingness, a desire, a need to give back! But this sense of entitlement, of deserving everything for nothing has really become viral in recent years! Have parents spent so much time tippy toeing around their poor little darlings' feelings that lessons like discipline, responsibility and consequences have gone by the wayside? I see too many people in their 30's still acting like irresponsible college kids, going out and getting drunk, dragging into work and taking issue with expectations that they actually put in 8 hours work for 8 hours' pay! Or they expect their boss to keep them happy. As if an honest day's pay wasn't sufficient? They have to only give them work that they like to do as well? Excuse me, but it's called "work" for a reason. Besides, if everything we did in life was enjoyable and made us feel good, we'd have nothing to compare it against, and frankly, we'd soon become dissatisfied!
And so, I am grateful to the Entitled for showing me how very fortunate I am to have been brought up expecting to be responsible, to take pride in my work and to treat the people I work for with respect. I certainly don't always agree with how they choose to run things, but it is their company so I can offer them the expertise for which they hired me, but if their decisions do not coincide with my perception of the right course, graceful acceptance is far more attractive than pouting or belligerence any day of the week!
But the Entitled have to understand that they do not have the right to walk on the rest of us either. I am constantly learning how best to draw my line in the sand. In some cases, my lines are crooked and keep getting washed away by the tides, but in others, they're starting to gain a substance of their own and are able to adjust to the ebbs and flows quite admirably. I am realistic enough to know that I won't change anyone's beliefs, but idealistic enough to hope that some will start seeing past themselves because of the examples set by the rest of us.
Every day, I meditate on Love, Acceptance, Forgiveness and Kindness. Some days, it's more difficult to focus than others, and those days are the ones for which attaining that focus is the most rewarding! Loving, accepting and forgiving those who would try to make a doormat of others is truly a challenge, and requires a great deal of squelching of knee jerk reactions.
I have learned that expressing anger at a person or situation only gives them power over me, and adds energy with which to perpetuate their undesirable behaviour. Thus, my focus is on turning those negative feelings into something useful and positive, like Gratitude!
I am a work in progress and my path is neither a direct nor a particularly straight route but then, the journey is far more interesting! It's a bit like choosing to take I-5 to drive to Northern California. It's pretty straight and the time it takes to drive the route may be shorter, but its monotonous and a lot less interesting than meandering up the coast, maybe finding someplace unusual to stop along the way or just discovering how amazing the land has become through eons of wear and tear on the part of the weather.
The winds of entitlement may blow and batter me, but my foundation is solid and the wear and tear smooths my rough edges and uncovers some very precious elements.
And who knows what might come to pass as I tumble against other "stones" in the great tumbler of life!
Love and light.
One area which continues to puzzle me is people with a sense of entitlement. I cannot conceive of having expectations of the Universe or any of its inhabitants without a willingness, a desire, a need to give back! But this sense of entitlement, of deserving everything for nothing has really become viral in recent years! Have parents spent so much time tippy toeing around their poor little darlings' feelings that lessons like discipline, responsibility and consequences have gone by the wayside? I see too many people in their 30's still acting like irresponsible college kids, going out and getting drunk, dragging into work and taking issue with expectations that they actually put in 8 hours work for 8 hours' pay! Or they expect their boss to keep them happy. As if an honest day's pay wasn't sufficient? They have to only give them work that they like to do as well? Excuse me, but it's called "work" for a reason. Besides, if everything we did in life was enjoyable and made us feel good, we'd have nothing to compare it against, and frankly, we'd soon become dissatisfied!
And so, I am grateful to the Entitled for showing me how very fortunate I am to have been brought up expecting to be responsible, to take pride in my work and to treat the people I work for with respect. I certainly don't always agree with how they choose to run things, but it is their company so I can offer them the expertise for which they hired me, but if their decisions do not coincide with my perception of the right course, graceful acceptance is far more attractive than pouting or belligerence any day of the week!
But the Entitled have to understand that they do not have the right to walk on the rest of us either. I am constantly learning how best to draw my line in the sand. In some cases, my lines are crooked and keep getting washed away by the tides, but in others, they're starting to gain a substance of their own and are able to adjust to the ebbs and flows quite admirably. I am realistic enough to know that I won't change anyone's beliefs, but idealistic enough to hope that some will start seeing past themselves because of the examples set by the rest of us.
Every day, I meditate on Love, Acceptance, Forgiveness and Kindness. Some days, it's more difficult to focus than others, and those days are the ones for which attaining that focus is the most rewarding! Loving, accepting and forgiving those who would try to make a doormat of others is truly a challenge, and requires a great deal of squelching of knee jerk reactions.
I have learned that expressing anger at a person or situation only gives them power over me, and adds energy with which to perpetuate their undesirable behaviour. Thus, my focus is on turning those negative feelings into something useful and positive, like Gratitude!
I am a work in progress and my path is neither a direct nor a particularly straight route but then, the journey is far more interesting! It's a bit like choosing to take I-5 to drive to Northern California. It's pretty straight and the time it takes to drive the route may be shorter, but its monotonous and a lot less interesting than meandering up the coast, maybe finding someplace unusual to stop along the way or just discovering how amazing the land has become through eons of wear and tear on the part of the weather.
The winds of entitlement may blow and batter me, but my foundation is solid and the wear and tear smooths my rough edges and uncovers some very precious elements.
And who knows what might come to pass as I tumble against other "stones" in the great tumbler of life!
Love and light.
Friday, May 11, 2012
May 11, 2012-Gratitude and lessons
As I continue to work through my reaction to Wednesday's exchange I'm finding new parts of myself to work on and improve. I realize that part of my adverse reaction lies in the fact that I am confusing admiration of someone's skills with something in myself that still believes I need to emulate what I admire. Nothing could be further from the truth! What is easiest to admire in another person is how comfortable they are in their own skin, and to be comfortable in your own skin, you must find and live your own style. So for me to emulate someone I admire will always be an effort in futility as I try to be someone besides myself! I have my own strengths as well as limitations which cause me to be better at some things and not as good at others compared with the people I admire. And how many times did I encourage my daughters to be the "best you you can be". I seem to have left myself out of that sage piece of advice!
With my dancing, I know that I have to allow for the fact that I have difficulty moving fluidly as I am, by nature, somewhat on the stiff side. I do try to work on this, but so far, I'm still more stiff than not. Granted, I've improved greatly since I became aware, but I'm a long way from the folks who seem to have a boneless quality to their movements as they bend and sway like waves lapping the shore. My knees, too, have been abused for many years and do not have the strength and flexibility others enjoy. I continue to do weight work to help counteract the damage, but I can't deny that it limits my movements and how I execute turns.
So I do make note of the concepts, the basics, if you will, and do my best to execute them in as technically correct a manner as possible, but I won't beat myself up for my imperfections. In fact, I need to use those imperfections to create my own style. As that is still evolving, I have no idea where it will lead, but I do know that it will ultimately, wonderfully, amazingly be unique to me, and not an emulation of someone else who causes me to smile when I watch them execute the style which is uniquely, wonderfully, amazingly theirs!
And so, once again, I am reminded to embrace all of the uniqueness the Universe has to offer as both a participant and an observer!
Love and light.
With my dancing, I know that I have to allow for the fact that I have difficulty moving fluidly as I am, by nature, somewhat on the stiff side. I do try to work on this, but so far, I'm still more stiff than not. Granted, I've improved greatly since I became aware, but I'm a long way from the folks who seem to have a boneless quality to their movements as they bend and sway like waves lapping the shore. My knees, too, have been abused for many years and do not have the strength and flexibility others enjoy. I continue to do weight work to help counteract the damage, but I can't deny that it limits my movements and how I execute turns.
So I do make note of the concepts, the basics, if you will, and do my best to execute them in as technically correct a manner as possible, but I won't beat myself up for my imperfections. In fact, I need to use those imperfections to create my own style. As that is still evolving, I have no idea where it will lead, but I do know that it will ultimately, wonderfully, amazingly be unique to me, and not an emulation of someone else who causes me to smile when I watch them execute the style which is uniquely, wonderfully, amazingly theirs!
And so, once again, I am reminded to embrace all of the uniqueness the Universe has to offer as both a participant and an observer!
Love and light.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
May 9, 2012 A lesson a day keeps the doldrums away
Today, when I least expected it, I learned yet another valuable lesson. It happened while I was dancing. I happened to remark to a person who's dancing I enjoyed watching that I needed to watch more and learn more moves. They took my comment, not as a compliment as I'd intended, but as an invitation to pick my own efforts apart. I listened for awhile, becoming somewhat disheartened, but thankfully, was saved when someone directed my attention to a line dance we knew that had just been called.
I danced a couple of more dances, thinking about the exchange and giving myself a severe talking to about allowing anyone to dim my joy and soon succeeded in depersonalizing the whole thing. Once I did that, I found myself wondering why someone who is attractive and talented, fun to watch, never lacking for a dance partner and constantly complimented would need to be hypercritical of someone else. It occurred to me that I was once again faced with an individual who required external validation. I'm afraid this often blindsides me as I've learned that loving myself is the greatest gift I can give. I also firmly believe that what other people think of me is none of my business, and, especially when it comes to dancing, do not require anyone's approval or compliments. I am in my joy because I dance for myself. On those occasions when someone does pay me a compliment, I am grateful that in finding my own joy, I can bring a little to someone else. Clearly, someone who seeks out the attention hasn't yet figured that out. They just need someone to give them strokes by noticing them and finding it pleasing to watch them perform.
So I'm sending love and light and hope that this person will find the joy within but will be surprised if my eyes are drawn to their performance any more as I was, tonight, given a glimpse of the not-so-pretty underside of their chassis. I have to say that it also explains why I never really felt comfortable around them. Clearly, we resonate in incompatible keys.
And so, I continue to dance like nobody's watching and sing like nobody's listening because when I am so filled with joy that it has to come out or it will simply bust out my seams, it really doesn't matter whether my technique is good, my timing is right or I'm on key. The only thing that matters is the JOY!
Love and Light.
I danced a couple of more dances, thinking about the exchange and giving myself a severe talking to about allowing anyone to dim my joy and soon succeeded in depersonalizing the whole thing. Once I did that, I found myself wondering why someone who is attractive and talented, fun to watch, never lacking for a dance partner and constantly complimented would need to be hypercritical of someone else. It occurred to me that I was once again faced with an individual who required external validation. I'm afraid this often blindsides me as I've learned that loving myself is the greatest gift I can give. I also firmly believe that what other people think of me is none of my business, and, especially when it comes to dancing, do not require anyone's approval or compliments. I am in my joy because I dance for myself. On those occasions when someone does pay me a compliment, I am grateful that in finding my own joy, I can bring a little to someone else. Clearly, someone who seeks out the attention hasn't yet figured that out. They just need someone to give them strokes by noticing them and finding it pleasing to watch them perform.
So I'm sending love and light and hope that this person will find the joy within but will be surprised if my eyes are drawn to their performance any more as I was, tonight, given a glimpse of the not-so-pretty underside of their chassis. I have to say that it also explains why I never really felt comfortable around them. Clearly, we resonate in incompatible keys.
And so, I continue to dance like nobody's watching and sing like nobody's listening because when I am so filled with joy that it has to come out or it will simply bust out my seams, it really doesn't matter whether my technique is good, my timing is right or I'm on key. The only thing that matters is the JOY!
Love and Light.
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