This weekend, I set myself some pretty ambitious goals. I am not ashamed to admit that I didn't achieve them all because I achieved some of them and that's quite impressive, if you ask me!
What I didn't accomplish: I did not get to the gym. I did not get the entire house vacuumed and floors scrubbed.
What I did accomplish: I got all of the grocery shopping done for the week and for Thanksgiving. I cleaned out the refrigerator (which wasn't even on the list!). I vacuumed my office, the hall, the entry and both bathrooms and mopped the bathroom floors. I emptied the cat sand boxes. I got my breakfast and lunch ready for tomorrow. I attended an amazing 25th anniversary party and renewal of vows. I saw a beautiful rainbow. I snuggled with my kitties. I spent some quality time with my daughter and son-in-law. I started decluttering my office and can already see significant results.
Have you noticed that the list of accomplishments is much longer than the list of things I didn't make? Have you noticed that the "did nots" are all big things while the "dids" encompass all size and manner of tasks? There's a reason for that. We make our lists of things to do at the top level. If we were to applaud ourselves only at the top level, we'd wait much longer to give ourselves credit, and that's a poor choice, in my mind. Every little attaboy makes us strive to accomplish more. Every bit of praise we give ourselves makes us give a little more to the next task at hand. While every criticism we give ourselves makes it harder to pick ourselves up for the next task, and makes that next task all the more daunting.
Many years ago, on my first visit to Sedona, I had my Tarot cards read. At the end of the reading, the woman told me "be kinder to yourself". Although I've lost sight of her advice at times, I always find my way back to it and realize that as long as I make sure I'm kind to myself, I'm closer to my Joy, and when I'm closer to my Joy, I'm kinder to the world in general. And isn't that what it's all about?
There is more than enough anger, distrust, and downright meanness in the world already. You can't fight those emotions. The only way to lessen their impact is to flood them with love, kindness and compassion. If you fight them, you're simply giving them emotional support, even if the energy is negative. Those emotions thrive on negative energy, and grow stronger as a result. Just as an abundance of negative energy can suck the life out of a room, an abundance of positive energy can suck the life out of those destructive emotions, causing them to wither and die, yet without expending energy in their direction.
In an old sci-fi movie, there were aliens who sucked up electrical energy and grew stronger and larger. They were defeated when the current was cut. It's the same with destructive emotions. Fight them, be reviled by them, protest them, and they grow stronger. Love them, accept them, have compassion for them, even ignore them and they shrivel up and die. You've taken away their food, nay, their life blood
I am as guilty as the next person of reacting and feeding into someone's need to control through chaos. I am also guilty of beating myself up afterwards, which only exacerbates the problem. In the last few months, it has really hit home that I need to practice my kindness and understanding at home, inside of myself, because that is the most difficult place to master the concept. If I can master it within myself, I can face any challenge, no matter how difficult.
So tonight, I'm giving myself a huge hug of appreciation for a job well done, saying "I love you" with all of the sincerity in my heart and forgiving myself for any perceived lack. This is the gift I give to the world for tomorrow and the days to follow.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for a wonderful start to the final phase of decluttering my house.
2. I am grateful for a short work week, and a long family and friends week.
3. I am grateful for remembering to be kind to myself.
4. I am grateful to my daughter for understanding that I need help stretching my legs to reach full recovery, and for taking it upon herself to help me get there.
5. I am grateful for the examples set by friends who have been married for over 25 years and are still very much in love.
Love and light.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Saturday, November 17, 2012
November 17, 2012 Post number 2 aka Shall we write again?
Had a wonderful time today watching my friends renew their vows after 25 years of marriage. The music, the ceremony, the happy couple were absolutely beautiful!!! And of course, the party at Borderline afterwards was delightful. So delightful, in fact, that I danced my knee into the pain zone. This, too shall pass, but I realized I really need the deep stretch the therapist was giving me, so the kids volunteered to take turns helping me with that. Do I have great kids or what? I am so very blessed!
It is Thanksgiving week and the shopping frenzy which precedes the cooking frenzy begins. Although I actually managed to get some decluttering done today in that black hole I call an office, I still have some serious cleaning to do tomorrow. But now I can see the floor well enough to include it in my vacuuming and scrubbing campaign! What fun! (yeah, right!) But I refuse to have guests in a dirty house, so I will clean.
Last year, we had to make about 6 trips up to Von's on Thanksgiving for things we'd forgotten. This year, I'm going to make a list by dish to ensure that we don't miss something this time. Mathom has said that he doesn't mind running back and forth, but I'd really rather not put that on him. Remembering some of what was forgotten last year, I already picked up the buttermilk and corn meal for the stuffing last weekend. But there are still lots of things to buy and a refrigerator to clean out in preparation. I did, however, remember to pull the bird out of the freezer because I've found that if they say it will defrost in 5 days, it's better to give it 6 or 7!
As I feared when I was so prolific this morning, I am pretty much out of words of wisdom tonight. My mind keeps wandering back to the wonderful evening I had with the kids and visiting with my friends, in between dancing too much for my knee's sanity. But hey, I had to make up for missing this Thursday due to the holiday. I might just have to make the stuffing and cranberry sauce on Tuesday night so I can dance on Wednesday. I can't afford to get rusty by missing a day, now, can I?
So, off I go and, on the advice of a friend, I'll ask the Universe to give me dreams that are so unbelievable, crazy and convoluted that I'll wake up with a smile on my face from the sheer absurdity of it all!
Love and light.
It is Thanksgiving week and the shopping frenzy which precedes the cooking frenzy begins. Although I actually managed to get some decluttering done today in that black hole I call an office, I still have some serious cleaning to do tomorrow. But now I can see the floor well enough to include it in my vacuuming and scrubbing campaign! What fun! (yeah, right!) But I refuse to have guests in a dirty house, so I will clean.
Last year, we had to make about 6 trips up to Von's on Thanksgiving for things we'd forgotten. This year, I'm going to make a list by dish to ensure that we don't miss something this time. Mathom has said that he doesn't mind running back and forth, but I'd really rather not put that on him. Remembering some of what was forgotten last year, I already picked up the buttermilk and corn meal for the stuffing last weekend. But there are still lots of things to buy and a refrigerator to clean out in preparation. I did, however, remember to pull the bird out of the freezer because I've found that if they say it will defrost in 5 days, it's better to give it 6 or 7!
As I feared when I was so prolific this morning, I am pretty much out of words of wisdom tonight. My mind keeps wandering back to the wonderful evening I had with the kids and visiting with my friends, in between dancing too much for my knee's sanity. But hey, I had to make up for missing this Thursday due to the holiday. I might just have to make the stuffing and cranberry sauce on Tuesday night so I can dance on Wednesday. I can't afford to get rusty by missing a day, now, can I?
So, off I go and, on the advice of a friend, I'll ask the Universe to give me dreams that are so unbelievable, crazy and convoluted that I'll wake up with a smile on my face from the sheer absurdity of it all!
Love and light.
November 17, 2012 Clarification, my happy hiney!
Last night when I lay down to sleep, I asked the Universe for clarifying dreams. I needed more information in order to understand the message I'd received the night before. What I got was anything but, as far as I'm concerned!
The dream which stands out most in my mind involved me going to my massage therapist's for my monthly massage. Understand, first that her studio and the area around her house are always meticulously tended with thriving plants, manicured lawn and a total air of order and peace.
In the dream, everything was overgrown with grass growing high in the planters. There was chaos everywhere with brides walking around fully dressed and ready for their big day, her calendar all confused as to who had an appointment when, to the point that, although I was certain I'd booked a 9:00 appointment, I was suddenly unsure as to whether I shouldn't have been there until 11:00. Apparently, I wasn't alone as there were several clients hanging around, also unsure as to when they were scheduled.
It didn't seem to matter though, as we went into the back yard and sat at a heavily laden table and started talking. She was raving about the amazing pizza her partner was making as a result of being disappointed with restaurant fare. They showed me the pizza but ate it without offering me or anyone else some. She did offer me a stack of thin chocolates saying that they were only 35 calories. When I asked if she meant the whole stack, I was told that that was only for one. I took one and tried hard to eat and enjoy it, but it was hard as a rock. It was, it seemed, supposed to be similar to a Heath bar, but much harder, and I finally gave up trying. I thought to myself, if the thing was only 35 calories, I used up more than that just trying to eat it!!!
At one point during the night, I was dreaming that my knee was aching, then woke to find that it was. I got up, changed positions and woke later with it feeling better. I also dreamt that I had a screaming headache, woke slightly to find that I did, but fell asleep again, and awoke to find it was gone. Of course, by then, I had kitties piled on top of me wanting to know why I wasn't awake yet as it had been light out for HOURS!!!
The overall theme I'm getting from this is confusion, which is singularly unhelpful as I was already confused!!! It feels like the Universe is having yet another of its belly laughs at my expense. It's as if they're saying "sorry kiddo, but you're going to have to figure this one out yourself, and we're going to enjoy the heck out of watching the process. Hope it takes awhile as the longer it takes, the more amusing you become!"
So much for Universal high fives. I think we're back to headslaps!
This has certainly been a year of challenges for me. The challenge of finding closure for my venture into the remodeling world. The challenge to find a way to actually make the remodel happen, even if I have to do it in pieces. The challenge of planning my daughter's wedding. The challenge of my job (and there isn't enough room here to go into that!). The challenge of adapting to my first full year of living alone in about 30 years (which wasn't that hard to adapt to, aside from having all of the chores to myself!).
And that doesn't even include the challenges I've set for myself. The challenge to write every day until I finally get back to my book (or a book for that matter!). The challenge to get myself healthy and fit. The challenge to overcome my tendency towards reactiveness. The challenge to find my true path and give something back to the world.
I'm happy to say that, for the most part, I've overcome the challenges I've set, or at least set out on the path to overcoming them. I suspect that as I do resolve each one, I will replace them with others as each successful challenge yields valuable lessons. I certainly don't feel as overwhelmed as I did earlier this year. I've decluttered and cleared and cleaned. I still have a long way to go, but I have made significant progress and I'm very proud of myself for that!
And let us not forget that I got my knee fixed and am well on the way to a complete recovery! I am immensely grateful for that!
As I'm sitting here writing this at 9:00 in the morning, I have a feeling that it could be setting a precedent, not only for writing much earlier in the day, but possibly writing more than once a day! Wouldn't that be a hoot after struggling for so long to write something, anything, once a day! And I can't really give up my nightly writing because I've found that it really helps me sleep better! Could it be that my next challenge is creating itself? Could it be that getting back to the book writing will involve additional discipline with regards to my regular writing? Will I suddenly find myself writing in every spare moment of the day until I'm able to just write all day long and not worry about mundane matters like jobs, meetings and getting out of my pajamas if the muse strikes early in the morning? Will I once again find myself at a desk, littered with coffee cups, remnants of quickly grabbed meals and notes jotted down so I wouldn't forget them in the midst of my writing frenzy?
A strange excitement is brewing in me after typing the last paragraph. It is as if this is where I'm headed, in my two steps forward, one step back kind of way. Is the slow progress necessary for me to achieve the desired results? Are some of the frustrations I've been faced with part of what will make my writing more solid, more believable, more, dare I say it, marketable? I have to pause to think on that.
Just for grins, I checked my average word count for the last few posts and found that it ranged from 600-900 words. This post (without gratitudes, even) has already exceeded 1000! If nothing else, my tendency to say things in 10,000 words or more is returning in force! I can't say I'm sorry that it's back. In fact, I really have to welcome it with open arms after sitting here some nights, looking at a blank screen, trying to drag a single coherent thought out of my brain.
I had a conversation with my massage therapist at my last appointment about the series Laws of Attraction. I was surprised to learn that she had only just discovered it as she is extremely well read in all things Spiritual. But it reminded me that I have two more books in the series which I had barely touched, and which have been sitting on my shelf for over a year. After our conversation, I picked up the one dealing with emotions and started reading. I found that I was unable to sit still and read for very long, so I put the book beside my bed, and read a couple of chapters every night. I think this is actually a better way to read them than just blowing straight through as it gives me the opportunity to mull over what I've read. The recurring concept so far has been one of being in a canoe and trying to paddle upstream. Everything you want or need is downstream, and all you need to do is allow yourself to ride the current. But we so often try to paddle upstream as if we think there is something we missed behind us. It is like we're trying to recapture the past instead of embracing the present and the future. No matter how hard we try, we cannot rewrite what has already occurred. The only real influence it has is that it has helped to form what we are today, and gave us the lessons on which we continue to build. But it's over, done, kaput. There are no "do overs" in life. Better to thank the Universe for the lessons, stand up and say very firmly, "NEXT!!" and step off the next cliff like the Fool on the Hill.
Life is a journey. It is entirely up to you whether it will be boring or exciting. Boring is easy and safe, but limits growth and expansion. Exciting has its perils, but frankly, I rather like roller coasters, especially the ones with hidden surprises!
My gratitudes this morning are:
1. I am grateful for roller coasters.
2. I am grateful for challenges which, once overcome are replaced with newer, tougher ones.
3. I am grateful for Saturday mornings when I don't have to be anywhere and can go wherever the muse takes me.
4. I am grateful for inspiration which comes, more often than not, from the amazing women in my life.
5. I am grateful for shakups in my routine which continue to make my life interesting and unique.
Love and light.
The dream which stands out most in my mind involved me going to my massage therapist's for my monthly massage. Understand, first that her studio and the area around her house are always meticulously tended with thriving plants, manicured lawn and a total air of order and peace.
In the dream, everything was overgrown with grass growing high in the planters. There was chaos everywhere with brides walking around fully dressed and ready for their big day, her calendar all confused as to who had an appointment when, to the point that, although I was certain I'd booked a 9:00 appointment, I was suddenly unsure as to whether I shouldn't have been there until 11:00. Apparently, I wasn't alone as there were several clients hanging around, also unsure as to when they were scheduled.
It didn't seem to matter though, as we went into the back yard and sat at a heavily laden table and started talking. She was raving about the amazing pizza her partner was making as a result of being disappointed with restaurant fare. They showed me the pizza but ate it without offering me or anyone else some. She did offer me a stack of thin chocolates saying that they were only 35 calories. When I asked if she meant the whole stack, I was told that that was only for one. I took one and tried hard to eat and enjoy it, but it was hard as a rock. It was, it seemed, supposed to be similar to a Heath bar, but much harder, and I finally gave up trying. I thought to myself, if the thing was only 35 calories, I used up more than that just trying to eat it!!!
At one point during the night, I was dreaming that my knee was aching, then woke to find that it was. I got up, changed positions and woke later with it feeling better. I also dreamt that I had a screaming headache, woke slightly to find that I did, but fell asleep again, and awoke to find it was gone. Of course, by then, I had kitties piled on top of me wanting to know why I wasn't awake yet as it had been light out for HOURS!!!
The overall theme I'm getting from this is confusion, which is singularly unhelpful as I was already confused!!! It feels like the Universe is having yet another of its belly laughs at my expense. It's as if they're saying "sorry kiddo, but you're going to have to figure this one out yourself, and we're going to enjoy the heck out of watching the process. Hope it takes awhile as the longer it takes, the more amusing you become!"
So much for Universal high fives. I think we're back to headslaps!
This has certainly been a year of challenges for me. The challenge of finding closure for my venture into the remodeling world. The challenge to find a way to actually make the remodel happen, even if I have to do it in pieces. The challenge of planning my daughter's wedding. The challenge of my job (and there isn't enough room here to go into that!). The challenge of adapting to my first full year of living alone in about 30 years (which wasn't that hard to adapt to, aside from having all of the chores to myself!).
And that doesn't even include the challenges I've set for myself. The challenge to write every day until I finally get back to my book (or a book for that matter!). The challenge to get myself healthy and fit. The challenge to overcome my tendency towards reactiveness. The challenge to find my true path and give something back to the world.
I'm happy to say that, for the most part, I've overcome the challenges I've set, or at least set out on the path to overcoming them. I suspect that as I do resolve each one, I will replace them with others as each successful challenge yields valuable lessons. I certainly don't feel as overwhelmed as I did earlier this year. I've decluttered and cleared and cleaned. I still have a long way to go, but I have made significant progress and I'm very proud of myself for that!
And let us not forget that I got my knee fixed and am well on the way to a complete recovery! I am immensely grateful for that!
As I'm sitting here writing this at 9:00 in the morning, I have a feeling that it could be setting a precedent, not only for writing much earlier in the day, but possibly writing more than once a day! Wouldn't that be a hoot after struggling for so long to write something, anything, once a day! And I can't really give up my nightly writing because I've found that it really helps me sleep better! Could it be that my next challenge is creating itself? Could it be that getting back to the book writing will involve additional discipline with regards to my regular writing? Will I suddenly find myself writing in every spare moment of the day until I'm able to just write all day long and not worry about mundane matters like jobs, meetings and getting out of my pajamas if the muse strikes early in the morning? Will I once again find myself at a desk, littered with coffee cups, remnants of quickly grabbed meals and notes jotted down so I wouldn't forget them in the midst of my writing frenzy?
A strange excitement is brewing in me after typing the last paragraph. It is as if this is where I'm headed, in my two steps forward, one step back kind of way. Is the slow progress necessary for me to achieve the desired results? Are some of the frustrations I've been faced with part of what will make my writing more solid, more believable, more, dare I say it, marketable? I have to pause to think on that.
Just for grins, I checked my average word count for the last few posts and found that it ranged from 600-900 words. This post (without gratitudes, even) has already exceeded 1000! If nothing else, my tendency to say things in 10,000 words or more is returning in force! I can't say I'm sorry that it's back. In fact, I really have to welcome it with open arms after sitting here some nights, looking at a blank screen, trying to drag a single coherent thought out of my brain.
I had a conversation with my massage therapist at my last appointment about the series Laws of Attraction. I was surprised to learn that she had only just discovered it as she is extremely well read in all things Spiritual. But it reminded me that I have two more books in the series which I had barely touched, and which have been sitting on my shelf for over a year. After our conversation, I picked up the one dealing with emotions and started reading. I found that I was unable to sit still and read for very long, so I put the book beside my bed, and read a couple of chapters every night. I think this is actually a better way to read them than just blowing straight through as it gives me the opportunity to mull over what I've read. The recurring concept so far has been one of being in a canoe and trying to paddle upstream. Everything you want or need is downstream, and all you need to do is allow yourself to ride the current. But we so often try to paddle upstream as if we think there is something we missed behind us. It is like we're trying to recapture the past instead of embracing the present and the future. No matter how hard we try, we cannot rewrite what has already occurred. The only real influence it has is that it has helped to form what we are today, and gave us the lessons on which we continue to build. But it's over, done, kaput. There are no "do overs" in life. Better to thank the Universe for the lessons, stand up and say very firmly, "NEXT!!" and step off the next cliff like the Fool on the Hill.
Life is a journey. It is entirely up to you whether it will be boring or exciting. Boring is easy and safe, but limits growth and expansion. Exciting has its perils, but frankly, I rather like roller coasters, especially the ones with hidden surprises!
My gratitudes this morning are:
1. I am grateful for roller coasters.
2. I am grateful for challenges which, once overcome are replaced with newer, tougher ones.
3. I am grateful for Saturday mornings when I don't have to be anywhere and can go wherever the muse takes me.
4. I am grateful for inspiration which comes, more often than not, from the amazing women in my life.
5. I am grateful for shakups in my routine which continue to make my life interesting and unique.
Love and light.
Friday, November 16, 2012
November 16, 2012 Convoluted thoughts and dreams.
I woke up at about 2:30 AM from a very strange and disturbing dream. I wouldn't exactly call it a nightmare because, despite the nature of the dream, I didn't ever really have a feeling of terror. I did think to myself after looking at the clock "is that all it is?" because, had it been a few hours later, I would have just stayed awake.
In the dream, I was transported to a large warehouse in a big, military style helicopter. Although there were other people with me, they seemed to be sort of on the periphery. Inside the warehouse, I found myself shooting at what turned out to be dead people who kept reanimating and coming after me, trying to shoot me as well. One of them dropped a gun because he couldn't get the bullets into it. When I picked it up, I found that the bullets had a special piece on the back which had to be turned the right way in order for the bullets to load into the gun. I also remember yelling "Don't do it, Lucy!" though I have no idea who this Lucy person might have been. At one point, I ran out of the warehouse and was talking to some kind of law enforcement official, explaining that I got there in a helicopter, but the helicopter was nowhere to be found, and the feeling I got was that it had been blown up.
What is even more odd about this dream is that I am typing this about 15 hours after it woke me up, and still remember a lot of the details. My experience has been that when I remember a dream vividly hours later, there is some kind of message I'm supposed to be getting from it. As of this moment, I am absolutely stumped as to what kind of message this crazy dream was carrying.
Whenever I have these vivid, thought provoking dreams, a song from my childhood will pop into my head. Although the song was written in about 1950 by Ed McCurdy, the version I remember was sung by Simon and Garfunkle. The words are:
Last night I had the strangest dream I ever had before.
I dreamed the world had all agreed to put an end to war.
I dreamed I saw a mighty room filled with women and men
And the paper they were signing said they'd never fight again.
And when the paper was all signed and a million copies made.
They all joined hands and bowed their heads and a million prayers were prayed.
And the people in the streets below were dancing 'round and 'round.
And guns and swords and uniforms were scattered on the ground.
Last night I had the strangest dream I'd never dreamed before.
I dreamed the world had all agreed to put an end to war.
While watching tv last night, I caught a couple of snippets about fighting between the Palestinians and Israel in Gaza again, and the internet contained more stories today. I had also been talking to a friend about the Twilight movies which featuring the undead vampires. Did my brain twist these two unrelated stories into one, oddly disjointed dream?
It could be something not as easily related too. I have noticed over the last few days that with the issue I'm trying to resolve, I seem to be attracting negative energy again, but now it is VERY uncomfortable! It isn't necessarily getting inside my personal bubble. Instead, it is just lingering around me and, vampire-like, sucking the life out of my surroundings. When I got home tonight, I think Dylan was very aware of it because he jumped up on the desk, put his nose up to my ear and cooed at me until I stopped what I was doing and just gave him my full attention. Even now, he's rubbing against my legs and trying to distract me.
Whatever is upsetting my personal continuum is really throwing me out of whack. I couldn't really get into my dancing last night as I'm used to, and ended up leaving a little earlier than normal. I feel almost like an old LP with the phonograph needle stuck in a scratch on my surface.
When I sat down to meditate this afternoon, I was unable to call up images at will, but I did visualize a huge eye in the center of which was a section which kept changing shapes, first a heart, then an animal of some kind, then something else. Staring into that eye, I sank further into my meditation and don't remember any other visualizations until I came out of it about 30 minutes later.
As usual, I am going to have to draw upon that patience which loves to elude me and just wait for more information before I figure this latest message out.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for Fridays!
2. I am grateful that so many people are reading my blog (over 2000 hits now!)
3. I am grateful for puzzles which make me open my mind to new lessongs.
4. I am grateful for the return of positive energy.
5. I am grateful for the holidays which give me a chance to fill my house with joy and laughter (and make me do some serious cleaning, much to the disgust of the resident furballs!)
Love and light.
In the dream, I was transported to a large warehouse in a big, military style helicopter. Although there were other people with me, they seemed to be sort of on the periphery. Inside the warehouse, I found myself shooting at what turned out to be dead people who kept reanimating and coming after me, trying to shoot me as well. One of them dropped a gun because he couldn't get the bullets into it. When I picked it up, I found that the bullets had a special piece on the back which had to be turned the right way in order for the bullets to load into the gun. I also remember yelling "Don't do it, Lucy!" though I have no idea who this Lucy person might have been. At one point, I ran out of the warehouse and was talking to some kind of law enforcement official, explaining that I got there in a helicopter, but the helicopter was nowhere to be found, and the feeling I got was that it had been blown up.
What is even more odd about this dream is that I am typing this about 15 hours after it woke me up, and still remember a lot of the details. My experience has been that when I remember a dream vividly hours later, there is some kind of message I'm supposed to be getting from it. As of this moment, I am absolutely stumped as to what kind of message this crazy dream was carrying.
Whenever I have these vivid, thought provoking dreams, a song from my childhood will pop into my head. Although the song was written in about 1950 by Ed McCurdy, the version I remember was sung by Simon and Garfunkle. The words are:
Last night I had the strangest dream I ever had before.
I dreamed the world had all agreed to put an end to war.
I dreamed I saw a mighty room filled with women and men
And the paper they were signing said they'd never fight again.
And when the paper was all signed and a million copies made.
They all joined hands and bowed their heads and a million prayers were prayed.
And the people in the streets below were dancing 'round and 'round.
And guns and swords and uniforms were scattered on the ground.
Last night I had the strangest dream I'd never dreamed before.
I dreamed the world had all agreed to put an end to war.
While watching tv last night, I caught a couple of snippets about fighting between the Palestinians and Israel in Gaza again, and the internet contained more stories today. I had also been talking to a friend about the Twilight movies which featuring the undead vampires. Did my brain twist these two unrelated stories into one, oddly disjointed dream?
It could be something not as easily related too. I have noticed over the last few days that with the issue I'm trying to resolve, I seem to be attracting negative energy again, but now it is VERY uncomfortable! It isn't necessarily getting inside my personal bubble. Instead, it is just lingering around me and, vampire-like, sucking the life out of my surroundings. When I got home tonight, I think Dylan was very aware of it because he jumped up on the desk, put his nose up to my ear and cooed at me until I stopped what I was doing and just gave him my full attention. Even now, he's rubbing against my legs and trying to distract me.
Whatever is upsetting my personal continuum is really throwing me out of whack. I couldn't really get into my dancing last night as I'm used to, and ended up leaving a little earlier than normal. I feel almost like an old LP with the phonograph needle stuck in a scratch on my surface.
When I sat down to meditate this afternoon, I was unable to call up images at will, but I did visualize a huge eye in the center of which was a section which kept changing shapes, first a heart, then an animal of some kind, then something else. Staring into that eye, I sank further into my meditation and don't remember any other visualizations until I came out of it about 30 minutes later.
As usual, I am going to have to draw upon that patience which loves to elude me and just wait for more information before I figure this latest message out.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for Fridays!
2. I am grateful that so many people are reading my blog (over 2000 hits now!)
3. I am grateful for puzzles which make me open my mind to new lessongs.
4. I am grateful for the return of positive energy.
5. I am grateful for the holidays which give me a chance to fill my house with joy and laughter (and make me do some serious cleaning, much to the disgust of the resident furballs!)
Love and light.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
November 15, 2012 Lessons, lessons everywhere, but not a drop to drink! There must be rum!
As I looked at the pictures of the latest AHS reunion, the first I'd actually missed, it led me to thoughts of why I didn't make a bigger effort to attend. Those thoughts led me back to the man who'd introduced the dishonest contractor into my life, and I started feeling some ugly thoughts when, suddenly, it occurred to me that both men were put into my life to help me learn a lesson, and suddenly, everything snapped into perspective! (that is not to say that I don't still want my money back, and not just what I was awarded, but ALL of it, but I understand that what I lose is part of the lesson.) What a discovery after a year of being aggravated! Think of all the time I've wasted, but then, I'm sure the aggravation was part of the lesson too. I know that, over the last week or so, I've begun approaching things much more calmly and even, in some cases, systematically. I'm not allowing myself to stress out over the small stuff, and even some of the larger ones. I am doing my best to maintain a demeanor, not only of calm, but of gratitude.
So now I'm wondering if some of the changes I've been feeling have to do with an almost emergence from the cocoon kind of thing. I've been the stressed out, cranky, overreactive person. I've gone through years of being borderline depressed. I've managed frustration, both badly and well. Is it coming time for me to take the lessons I've learned and teach? Am I now to be the voice of reason, the shelter in a sea of chaos, the one who helps put things into perspective and makes everything "small stuff"?
One thing I do know is that I feel much better when I respond calmly rather than reacting. Instead of needing to forgive myself, I can be grateful for having handled a difficult situation well instead of badly. I do realize that this new state will continue to require practice, and I won't always get it right, but the fact that I'm getting it right more often now is, to me, a HUGE step!
Questions are now coming at me rapidly. One of them that is resonating loudly right now has to do with the fact that I'm letting go of negative energy. Will this allow me to focus on generating and utilizing healing energy more effectively now? When I rub my hands together, will I feel the heat that healing energy raises? And if I am, indeed, becoming a better conduit for healing energy, will I be able to use it for emotional as well as physical healing? That I even think of it makes be believe that it is all very possible. I don't think the thought would occur to me otherwise. And these thoughts are leaving me very excited a the idea of limitless possibilities. And as my mantra right now is "believing is seeing", as I believe, it must be!
Now, instead of a headslap, I feel like I've just gotten a Universal high five! Awesome!!!
Dancing was short and sweet tonight. I just didn't feel the energy I normally do so I left a bit early. I came home to find that I had the solution to the car parked in my driveway. The city very kindly offered me a way to get it removed, especially since it was offending their sensibilities. I will call tomorrow and encourage them to remove it. :) Things do have a way of working themselves out. I have even greater hopes for the future of my remodel too!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for problem resolutions which arrive in unexpected manners.
2. I am grateful for shared laughter with friends.
3. I am grateful for cold, rainy weather.
4. I am grateful for Fridays.
5. I am grateful for my warm bed piled high with kitties waiting to snuggle.
Love and light.
So now I'm wondering if some of the changes I've been feeling have to do with an almost emergence from the cocoon kind of thing. I've been the stressed out, cranky, overreactive person. I've gone through years of being borderline depressed. I've managed frustration, both badly and well. Is it coming time for me to take the lessons I've learned and teach? Am I now to be the voice of reason, the shelter in a sea of chaos, the one who helps put things into perspective and makes everything "small stuff"?
One thing I do know is that I feel much better when I respond calmly rather than reacting. Instead of needing to forgive myself, I can be grateful for having handled a difficult situation well instead of badly. I do realize that this new state will continue to require practice, and I won't always get it right, but the fact that I'm getting it right more often now is, to me, a HUGE step!
Questions are now coming at me rapidly. One of them that is resonating loudly right now has to do with the fact that I'm letting go of negative energy. Will this allow me to focus on generating and utilizing healing energy more effectively now? When I rub my hands together, will I feel the heat that healing energy raises? And if I am, indeed, becoming a better conduit for healing energy, will I be able to use it for emotional as well as physical healing? That I even think of it makes be believe that it is all very possible. I don't think the thought would occur to me otherwise. And these thoughts are leaving me very excited a the idea of limitless possibilities. And as my mantra right now is "believing is seeing", as I believe, it must be!
Now, instead of a headslap, I feel like I've just gotten a Universal high five! Awesome!!!
Dancing was short and sweet tonight. I just didn't feel the energy I normally do so I left a bit early. I came home to find that I had the solution to the car parked in my driveway. The city very kindly offered me a way to get it removed, especially since it was offending their sensibilities. I will call tomorrow and encourage them to remove it. :) Things do have a way of working themselves out. I have even greater hopes for the future of my remodel too!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for problem resolutions which arrive in unexpected manners.
2. I am grateful for shared laughter with friends.
3. I am grateful for cold, rainy weather.
4. I am grateful for Fridays.
5. I am grateful for my warm bed piled high with kitties waiting to snuggle.
Love and light.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
November 14, 2012 Struggling
I'm really struggling to motivate myself to do a lot of things lately. Work, cleaning, even fixing my next day's breakfast and lunch. I'm so demotivated that when I sit down to write in the evenings, it is not uncommon to find myself with a blank mind and not a coherent thought in sight. Is this a new challenge in a long list scattered none-too-sparsely along my chosen path? Am I being forced, like an actor, to study my motivation? What is there to study when my motivation...isn't?
In a search for my passion, I'm left petting the cat and staring off into nothingness. When I try to let go and locate the dream I should want to follow, they all slip away like smoke in the wind. The only thing I truly know right now is that I have no idea! It's not that my chips are down, so I haven't hit a true low point. It's simply that I suddenly find myself drifting with no direction, nobody steering, and the crew has jumped ship and is laying on the beach sipping fruity drinks with umbrellas in them. I could look at it as the vacation before the real work begins, and just enjoy the lull, but lack of motivation really isn't my favorite place to be. I don't take vacations well and frankly, I perform best under pressure. When I'm getting close to the wire, I become a crazy person, rushing around, overdoing it and getting things done. This time, I'd like to be prepared, but before I can do that, I need to have some clue, some inkling as to what I want to be prepared for!
I find myself standing at a door, admitting to myself that I really don't want to walk through it, but my sense of responsibility wins and I do what I'm supposed to. Maybe that's the problem. I want to do something irresponsible and unnecessary right now, but don't know what that is either. Meditations lately are restful but not overly informative. I'm sleeping so well at night that I only remember bits and pieces of dreams, and even those are gone before I know it. It's been awhile since anything just resonated and made me sit up and say "wow!".
That is not to say that I'm miserable, or unhappy, or anywhere close. I'm enjoying my dancing and chatting with friends, spending time with my daughter and son-in-law and gearing up for the holidays. But I'm like a balloon that's only half filled with air. I kind of bounce around but I don't fly. I want something that will make me fly, but have absolutely no idea what that might be. .
Granted, I am starting to make some more changes in my life, and maybe I'm at that in between, hair is too short to pull back, but too long to hang in my face kind of stage. I've stepped into the doorway but have yet to start exploring the whole house, and, in fact, I'm a bit nervous about what I'll find, and how it will change me. I know the changes will be good, but I'm having a tough time letting go of what I know so I am completely free to allow what is to be. What I lack is Trust.
On a conscious level, I know that the Universe has my back and the path I've chosen is the right one for me right now. It's my wimpy little subconscious that is the problem and the darn thing is masking some very important stuff! I need a feather duster capable of just brushing that subconscious and all of its petty fears out of my way! To some degree, my subconscious has regressed back to a 5-year-old who is still afraid of the dark and thunder storms.
So my task for this week is to tell my subconscious to either get on the bullet train or get out of the way because this train stops for nobody, and eats wimps for breakfast!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for clean laundry.
2. I am grateful for being able to look at a problem and brainstorm solutions.
3. I am grateful for the coming rain.
4. I am grateful for friends who help me pull away from limiting factors.
5. I am grateful for my intelligence. It may sometimes get me into trouble, but it never gets boring!
Love and light.
In a search for my passion, I'm left petting the cat and staring off into nothingness. When I try to let go and locate the dream I should want to follow, they all slip away like smoke in the wind. The only thing I truly know right now is that I have no idea! It's not that my chips are down, so I haven't hit a true low point. It's simply that I suddenly find myself drifting with no direction, nobody steering, and the crew has jumped ship and is laying on the beach sipping fruity drinks with umbrellas in them. I could look at it as the vacation before the real work begins, and just enjoy the lull, but lack of motivation really isn't my favorite place to be. I don't take vacations well and frankly, I perform best under pressure. When I'm getting close to the wire, I become a crazy person, rushing around, overdoing it and getting things done. This time, I'd like to be prepared, but before I can do that, I need to have some clue, some inkling as to what I want to be prepared for!
I find myself standing at a door, admitting to myself that I really don't want to walk through it, but my sense of responsibility wins and I do what I'm supposed to. Maybe that's the problem. I want to do something irresponsible and unnecessary right now, but don't know what that is either. Meditations lately are restful but not overly informative. I'm sleeping so well at night that I only remember bits and pieces of dreams, and even those are gone before I know it. It's been awhile since anything just resonated and made me sit up and say "wow!".
That is not to say that I'm miserable, or unhappy, or anywhere close. I'm enjoying my dancing and chatting with friends, spending time with my daughter and son-in-law and gearing up for the holidays. But I'm like a balloon that's only half filled with air. I kind of bounce around but I don't fly. I want something that will make me fly, but have absolutely no idea what that might be. .
Granted, I am starting to make some more changes in my life, and maybe I'm at that in between, hair is too short to pull back, but too long to hang in my face kind of stage. I've stepped into the doorway but have yet to start exploring the whole house, and, in fact, I'm a bit nervous about what I'll find, and how it will change me. I know the changes will be good, but I'm having a tough time letting go of what I know so I am completely free to allow what is to be. What I lack is Trust.
On a conscious level, I know that the Universe has my back and the path I've chosen is the right one for me right now. It's my wimpy little subconscious that is the problem and the darn thing is masking some very important stuff! I need a feather duster capable of just brushing that subconscious and all of its petty fears out of my way! To some degree, my subconscious has regressed back to a 5-year-old who is still afraid of the dark and thunder storms.
So my task for this week is to tell my subconscious to either get on the bullet train or get out of the way because this train stops for nobody, and eats wimps for breakfast!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for clean laundry.
2. I am grateful for being able to look at a problem and brainstorm solutions.
3. I am grateful for the coming rain.
4. I am grateful for friends who help me pull away from limiting factors.
5. I am grateful for my intelligence. It may sometimes get me into trouble, but it never gets boring!
Love and light.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
November 13, 2012 A little exhaustion, a bit of ennui
Between the tensions at work over the layoffs and driving home in the dark after work these days, my motor seems to be slowing down earlier and earlier. On the plus side, I seem to be getting going earlier in the morning because the sun shines down on my face earlier as well.
Motivating myself to eat healthy meals is getting easier, but motivating myself to get up and exercise is still not happening, except for dancing. I am managing to do at least part of the exercises for my leg, no thanks to the kitties who think that mom laying on the floor means one of two things: Time for attention or time to use her as a jungle gym! Neither of which is conducive to getting my exercises done.
But as one habit is now deeply ingrained, here I sit, an hour or so earlier than is my norm, diligently writing another post.
I realized yesterday that I really do have to face reality and know that there are some things I just can't change as they are beyond my control, so the only thing I really can change is whether or not I choose to accept those things I can't change. I have a lot of soul searching to do in the days ahead as well as a great deal of research in order to come to an intelligent and workable decision. In the meantime, there are just going to be days I have to slog through, but at least I have dancing to look forward to, Thanksgiving to plan for, my house to clean before the big day, and a wedding vow renewal and party to participate in this weekend. So my focus until I do reach some kind of decision will be on all of the wonderful people and things in my life!
I am so glad my manicurist has known me for a while and doesn't even flinch when I come up with something many would find weird. I saw her tonight and told her that I already knew what color I wanted for my nail tips this week, because it had come to me a couple of days ago. As this has never happened before, she had every right to look at me askance! But I really did envision my nails in gold this week. I don't know why other than that gold is a powerful light color like white. Is there really some significance to the color I chose (or which chose me) this week? Is it related to the white light I saw while Barb was giving my knee some healing energy? These questions and more will be explored over the next few days, though it's anyone's guess as to whether answers will follow. It is just a likely that the exploration will simply raise more questions.
Never one to shrink from a challenge, I look forward to being able to figure this out, or, that proving fruitless, figure something else out instead. Either way, I experience that high from having solved another puzzle.
My mind is wandering all over the place tonight (in case that little fact wasn't already quite obvious) and I'm having a difficult time just grabbing a topic from the maelstrom and pursuing it before 12 more come flying by, turning my brain into a kaleidoscope of madly whirling thoughts and ideas. Unfortunately, even my rapidly typing fingers are unable to untangle even a marginally coherent version of any of those thoughts enough to put them down on....computer screen.
Now that I've amused the cats by trying to do some of the exercises the physical therapist gave me, maybe the psychedelic brain show will settle down a little; if not enough to get something coherent written here tonight, perhaps at least enough to allow the monkey mind to take a break for sleep.
After hearing that there was an accident on my regular route this morning, I decided to take one of my alternate routes, part of which takes me through an undeveloped and rather wildly beautiful area. Driving through there this morning, I was very grateful that I'd decided to take that route as the beauty of it really lifted my mood. I found myself just basking in the beauty of the blue sky, the rolling hills and the dry grass waving as I drove by. Avoiding the freeway gave me some food for my soul which was especially welcome! I can see me taking this route more often in the weeks to come as I need additional help in working through ideas, weighing options and reaching decisions. I have always done better with a little help from nature, so why should this time be any different?
But before I catch another tangent, here are my gratitudes for tonight?
1. I am grateful for roads less traveled.
2. I am grateful for options.
3. I am grateful that, sometimes, I can just step back and laugh at myself.
4. I am grateful for quiet evenings at home with my kitties.
5. I am grateful for opportunities which come flying hard and fast, too quick to dodge, and to insistent to avoid.
Love and light.
Motivating myself to eat healthy meals is getting easier, but motivating myself to get up and exercise is still not happening, except for dancing. I am managing to do at least part of the exercises for my leg, no thanks to the kitties who think that mom laying on the floor means one of two things: Time for attention or time to use her as a jungle gym! Neither of which is conducive to getting my exercises done.
But as one habit is now deeply ingrained, here I sit, an hour or so earlier than is my norm, diligently writing another post.
I realized yesterday that I really do have to face reality and know that there are some things I just can't change as they are beyond my control, so the only thing I really can change is whether or not I choose to accept those things I can't change. I have a lot of soul searching to do in the days ahead as well as a great deal of research in order to come to an intelligent and workable decision. In the meantime, there are just going to be days I have to slog through, but at least I have dancing to look forward to, Thanksgiving to plan for, my house to clean before the big day, and a wedding vow renewal and party to participate in this weekend. So my focus until I do reach some kind of decision will be on all of the wonderful people and things in my life!
I am so glad my manicurist has known me for a while and doesn't even flinch when I come up with something many would find weird. I saw her tonight and told her that I already knew what color I wanted for my nail tips this week, because it had come to me a couple of days ago. As this has never happened before, she had every right to look at me askance! But I really did envision my nails in gold this week. I don't know why other than that gold is a powerful light color like white. Is there really some significance to the color I chose (or which chose me) this week? Is it related to the white light I saw while Barb was giving my knee some healing energy? These questions and more will be explored over the next few days, though it's anyone's guess as to whether answers will follow. It is just a likely that the exploration will simply raise more questions.
Never one to shrink from a challenge, I look forward to being able to figure this out, or, that proving fruitless, figure something else out instead. Either way, I experience that high from having solved another puzzle.
My mind is wandering all over the place tonight (in case that little fact wasn't already quite obvious) and I'm having a difficult time just grabbing a topic from the maelstrom and pursuing it before 12 more come flying by, turning my brain into a kaleidoscope of madly whirling thoughts and ideas. Unfortunately, even my rapidly typing fingers are unable to untangle even a marginally coherent version of any of those thoughts enough to put them down on....computer screen.
Now that I've amused the cats by trying to do some of the exercises the physical therapist gave me, maybe the psychedelic brain show will settle down a little; if not enough to get something coherent written here tonight, perhaps at least enough to allow the monkey mind to take a break for sleep.
After hearing that there was an accident on my regular route this morning, I decided to take one of my alternate routes, part of which takes me through an undeveloped and rather wildly beautiful area. Driving through there this morning, I was very grateful that I'd decided to take that route as the beauty of it really lifted my mood. I found myself just basking in the beauty of the blue sky, the rolling hills and the dry grass waving as I drove by. Avoiding the freeway gave me some food for my soul which was especially welcome! I can see me taking this route more often in the weeks to come as I need additional help in working through ideas, weighing options and reaching decisions. I have always done better with a little help from nature, so why should this time be any different?
But before I catch another tangent, here are my gratitudes for tonight?
1. I am grateful for roads less traveled.
2. I am grateful for options.
3. I am grateful that, sometimes, I can just step back and laugh at myself.
4. I am grateful for quiet evenings at home with my kitties.
5. I am grateful for opportunities which come flying hard and fast, too quick to dodge, and to insistent to avoid.
Love and light.
Monday, November 12, 2012
November 12, 2012 Surprises!!!
Universal headslaps continue to push me into spreading my wings and stepping out of my comfort zone. Many little reminders today that I just need to take the first step and the rest will take care of itself, so I stepped onto a new path today. Stay tuned for how that turns out.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I walked in to my house this evening to find my wonderful, marvelous, amazing son-in-law slaving over a hot stove! And my sneaky daughter didn't say a thing when I called her on my way home. Mathom even parked his car around the corner so I wouldn't know he was there until I walked in (now that it gets dark early, I leave a light on when I leave in the morning, so the light from the window didn't clue me in) We had a very yummy roast turkey breast with mashed potatoes, asparagus, pumpkin soup and homemade rice pudding! Yummy! (but I'm going to have to get on these exercises and dance more this week! That's for sure!) I am so very blessed to have kids who come up with such wonderful surprises. And it's barely the beginning of "surprise season" in our neck of the woods, so I suspect that the holidays will be filled with silliness and surprises!
Lots of tension at the office in light of recent layoffs. People are really on edge right now and I know I'm being challenged to keep my cool. I did a good job of it today when one lady didn't like the correction I asked her to make and came into my office to yell at me about it. I'm proud to say that I remained calm and polite in spite of her rudeness. I am very proud of myself after the backsliding I did last week, but as with everything else, it's one day at a time. But I'd much rather be able to pat myself on the back than to once again need to forgive myself for my humanity. Attaboys are a lot more fun than headslaps! And heaven knows, the Universe delights in giving me the latter!
Continuing with the holiday traditions, tonight's is our traditional Jewish Christmas Eve dinner of Chinese food (although this year, after really horrible service at our regular place, we've decided to try some different Asian fare and go out for Japanese food instead!)
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my crazy, thoughtful kids.
2. I am grateful for peaceful, uneventful days.
3. I am grateful for continued opportunities for change and growth.
4. I am grateful for healing energy.
5. I am grateful for the continued flow of extra income.
Love and light.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I walked in to my house this evening to find my wonderful, marvelous, amazing son-in-law slaving over a hot stove! And my sneaky daughter didn't say a thing when I called her on my way home. Mathom even parked his car around the corner so I wouldn't know he was there until I walked in (now that it gets dark early, I leave a light on when I leave in the morning, so the light from the window didn't clue me in) We had a very yummy roast turkey breast with mashed potatoes, asparagus, pumpkin soup and homemade rice pudding! Yummy! (but I'm going to have to get on these exercises and dance more this week! That's for sure!) I am so very blessed to have kids who come up with such wonderful surprises. And it's barely the beginning of "surprise season" in our neck of the woods, so I suspect that the holidays will be filled with silliness and surprises!
Lots of tension at the office in light of recent layoffs. People are really on edge right now and I know I'm being challenged to keep my cool. I did a good job of it today when one lady didn't like the correction I asked her to make and came into my office to yell at me about it. I'm proud to say that I remained calm and polite in spite of her rudeness. I am very proud of myself after the backsliding I did last week, but as with everything else, it's one day at a time. But I'd much rather be able to pat myself on the back than to once again need to forgive myself for my humanity. Attaboys are a lot more fun than headslaps! And heaven knows, the Universe delights in giving me the latter!
Continuing with the holiday traditions, tonight's is our traditional Jewish Christmas Eve dinner of Chinese food (although this year, after really horrible service at our regular place, we've decided to try some different Asian fare and go out for Japanese food instead!)
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my crazy, thoughtful kids.
2. I am grateful for peaceful, uneventful days.
3. I am grateful for continued opportunities for change and growth.
4. I am grateful for healing energy.
5. I am grateful for the continued flow of extra income.
Love and light.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
November 11, 2012. Fa la la la la
Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away, the grocery stores are working overtime keeping turkeys, hams, cranberries and pumpkins on the shelves and... WHAT??? Lifetime has already started airing its annual Christmas movies!!! Not that I don't enjoy a few feel good movies but now I feel like I should already have all of my shopping done and ready to wrap. Oh, the stress of it all! Not really, but a few dramatic, Christmas feel good movies has brought out my melodramatic side.
I'm still struggling with my motivation to get to the gym twice a week. In fact, aside from getting out for a couple of hours to grocery shop and run errands, I've been pretty lazy today in a very cat-like kind of way and the fur balls totally approve. I did manage to get the kitchen straightened up and clean the shmutz off of one of the shelves. I've found that if I clean a shelf or drawer before putting new groceries in every week, I eventually get all of the shelves clean. Fortunately, the task is not as onerous as painting the Golden Gate Bridge so it shouldn't take a whole year and have me starting over as soon as I finish!
And it seems that Scooby has started a new pattern with my blog posts. I have Munchkin snuggled up next to me and Toby trying to make biscuits on my belly tonight. It seems that they want some say as to what I write these days. In fact, Loki would like to put her two cents in too.
But back to the holidays. I love how the joy and silliness I started when my girls were small is perpetuated by my daughter Heather and is growing in her husband (it still feels weird to call him that, by the way!). The secret telling has begun, our brains are working overtime to come up with surprises that will make each other smile, laugh and even groan. The kids got me good last year so the search is on to even the score. As I type this I look up and see the Prince Charming doll who was addressed to me from my fairy godmother last year. In fact, as I changed the toilet paper roll today I actually stopped before throwing the empty away as I wondered if I should start saving wrapping material already. Whatever am I going to come up with to top the last couple of years? Time to kick the old imagination into high gear!
I like to think that every family has their traditions and each new generation adds to those traditions. But I've found that there are people out there who really don't come up with fun little ideas year after year to make the holidays more joyful. In my myopic and totally human way, I just assumed that other families, no matter how big or small, had unique traditions to make their holidays and the whole year more joyful. Since reality has proven me wrong, I thought that I'd share a few of ours in hopes that others might also share their family traditions as a way to inspire those without fun family traditions. So here we go with a few of my family traditions.
1. Every year I buy hard cover books and inscribe a personal message and the year into the front of the book. I started when the girls were very small with children's books like "charlottes web" and in later years, moved on to classics like "20,000 leagues under the sea". A major part of the joy is finding something special for the people I love.
2. Everyone gets fun, warm pajamas for Christmas. Lately, we've been leaning towards silly prints and feeties.
3. Socks and underwear are wrapped in unique ways ( like inside empty wrapping paper, paper towel or toilet paper rolls) and the recipient might find a Ferraro Roche or a Lindt truffle wrapped inside as well.
I look forward to hearing some of the traditions my readers!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for family traditions, old, new and yet to be made.
2. I am grateful for lazy catnapping days
3. I am grateful for my family who gives me a reason to perpetuate old and create new traditions
4. I am grateful for the roof over my head, the clothes on my back and the food on my table
5, I am grateful that I'm able to work, play, dance, run errands and take care of myself and my cats when there are so many out there who can't.
Love and light
I'm still struggling with my motivation to get to the gym twice a week. In fact, aside from getting out for a couple of hours to grocery shop and run errands, I've been pretty lazy today in a very cat-like kind of way and the fur balls totally approve. I did manage to get the kitchen straightened up and clean the shmutz off of one of the shelves. I've found that if I clean a shelf or drawer before putting new groceries in every week, I eventually get all of the shelves clean. Fortunately, the task is not as onerous as painting the Golden Gate Bridge so it shouldn't take a whole year and have me starting over as soon as I finish!
And it seems that Scooby has started a new pattern with my blog posts. I have Munchkin snuggled up next to me and Toby trying to make biscuits on my belly tonight. It seems that they want some say as to what I write these days. In fact, Loki would like to put her two cents in too.
But back to the holidays. I love how the joy and silliness I started when my girls were small is perpetuated by my daughter Heather and is growing in her husband (it still feels weird to call him that, by the way!). The secret telling has begun, our brains are working overtime to come up with surprises that will make each other smile, laugh and even groan. The kids got me good last year so the search is on to even the score. As I type this I look up and see the Prince Charming doll who was addressed to me from my fairy godmother last year. In fact, as I changed the toilet paper roll today I actually stopped before throwing the empty away as I wondered if I should start saving wrapping material already. Whatever am I going to come up with to top the last couple of years? Time to kick the old imagination into high gear!
I like to think that every family has their traditions and each new generation adds to those traditions. But I've found that there are people out there who really don't come up with fun little ideas year after year to make the holidays more joyful. In my myopic and totally human way, I just assumed that other families, no matter how big or small, had unique traditions to make their holidays and the whole year more joyful. Since reality has proven me wrong, I thought that I'd share a few of ours in hopes that others might also share their family traditions as a way to inspire those without fun family traditions. So here we go with a few of my family traditions.
1. Every year I buy hard cover books and inscribe a personal message and the year into the front of the book. I started when the girls were very small with children's books like "charlottes web" and in later years, moved on to classics like "20,000 leagues under the sea". A major part of the joy is finding something special for the people I love.
2. Everyone gets fun, warm pajamas for Christmas. Lately, we've been leaning towards silly prints and feeties.
3. Socks and underwear are wrapped in unique ways ( like inside empty wrapping paper, paper towel or toilet paper rolls) and the recipient might find a Ferraro Roche or a Lindt truffle wrapped inside as well.
I look forward to hearing some of the traditions my readers!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for family traditions, old, new and yet to be made.
2. I am grateful for lazy catnapping days
3. I am grateful for my family who gives me a reason to perpetuate old and create new traditions
4. I am grateful for the roof over my head, the clothes on my back and the food on my table
5, I am grateful that I'm able to work, play, dance, run errands and take care of myself and my cats when there are so many out there who can't.
Love and light
November 10, 2012 Opening up to new possibilities
Although I always have someone nearby, tonight is the first time I'm actually writing with a cat in my lap. Mr. Scoobymas has decided that I need help getting words onto the page tonight, so here he sits with his tush on one arm, pushing his face into the other hand. I'm sure his influence will positively affect whatever comes out of my fingers tonight.
It was an interesting and productive day today, full of lots of really good feeling moments! My cleaning and decluttering continued as I woke fairly early and had time before my massage (more on that later). Tomorrow I should be able to get the books which are scattered around my office on to a shelf as a result. I'll then be able to tackle my sadly neglected floors. What fun! After my massage I ran some errands, though my quest for the 30 pound turkey was unsuccessful. But I still have a week or so to achieve the success I (or to be honest, Heather, the turkey piggie) so richly deserve. Victory will be mine! I will find the enormous turkey which will have to be hoisted in and out of the pan by two strong men! Perseverence will conquer all obstacles!
The massage, though, left me with some interesting revelations, not to mention some of the visualizations! A hippopotamus nose? Really??? I have had a spot on the right side of my back which, despite efforts from both chiropractor and massage therapist, never seems to untense. This week, though, it was more than just tense, it was painful and catching. So I asked my massage therapist to see what she could do. What a surprise to find that the problem was actually radiating from my hips and legs! The tightness in my back was, in fact, the symptom, not the cause as I had originally suspected. Needless to say, I am much more comfortable tonight, despite a tweak to my knee while trying to avoid two women who were taking up more than their share of the dance floor, and happened to have me sandwiched between them! But all is well tonight, and I'm sure that is in no small part due to the healing energy my knee received today. As it was being administered, I saw a bright, white light with a lot of smaller lights radiating out from it like slender fingers. I felt the light flowing into my system where it continued to work its magic. Even now, if I unfocus my eyes, I can see the light wrapping itself around my knee. Normally, when I envision healing energy, I see a green light, so this is much more than mere healing, and fits right in with the rune I drew today, "opening".
I find it interesting that the rune I draw almost always fits right in with what is going on in my life at the time, but this one was uncanny because it fit into what I've been writing about the last couple of days. I truly am opening myself up to new things and new people. The divine light which has insinuated itself into my being is just one more step in my process of allowing. The light serves many functions, but the ones I think are most important right now are to protect me from harm and to cause my own inner light to shine even brighter, the better to attract the wonderful abundance I have already begun to experience.
When I went dancing tonight, I began to feel more of a connection with the people I see every week. I can't really explain it well, but I just felt like I was drawing closer to the people I enjoy every week, and that the casual friendships were getting ready to become more. As people left, a group of us moved closer together, sharing a couple of tables and some conversation. There was such a rightness to it, even though I was the only one who was not a couple. I'm sure a large part of that was just the people I was with who are all very warm, giving, loving people. But there was a different energy for me tonight. I enjoyed being on the dance floor, but I also felt very warm and happy just sitting there, talking.
I'm sitting here now, literally scratching my head as I puzzle over the change. I have to remind myself, as I do while enjoying the meditative state during a massage, or during my regular meditations, to accept the visions and not try to analyze them. (case in point, the hippo's nose!). Friendships develop outside of the rules of logic just as the visions appear to me. Sure, they are there for a reason, but we don't always really need to know what that is. Better to just accept and enjoy!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for friendship.
2. I am grateful for healing energy that is so much more!
3. I am grateful for being able to understand when I'm overanalyzing.
4. I am grateful for the 30 pound turkey (or something close) which I'll find before Thanksgiving.
5. I am grateful for love in all of its many forms.
Love and light.
It was an interesting and productive day today, full of lots of really good feeling moments! My cleaning and decluttering continued as I woke fairly early and had time before my massage (more on that later). Tomorrow I should be able to get the books which are scattered around my office on to a shelf as a result. I'll then be able to tackle my sadly neglected floors. What fun! After my massage I ran some errands, though my quest for the 30 pound turkey was unsuccessful. But I still have a week or so to achieve the success I (or to be honest, Heather, the turkey piggie) so richly deserve. Victory will be mine! I will find the enormous turkey which will have to be hoisted in and out of the pan by two strong men! Perseverence will conquer all obstacles!
The massage, though, left me with some interesting revelations, not to mention some of the visualizations! A hippopotamus nose? Really??? I have had a spot on the right side of my back which, despite efforts from both chiropractor and massage therapist, never seems to untense. This week, though, it was more than just tense, it was painful and catching. So I asked my massage therapist to see what she could do. What a surprise to find that the problem was actually radiating from my hips and legs! The tightness in my back was, in fact, the symptom, not the cause as I had originally suspected. Needless to say, I am much more comfortable tonight, despite a tweak to my knee while trying to avoid two women who were taking up more than their share of the dance floor, and happened to have me sandwiched between them! But all is well tonight, and I'm sure that is in no small part due to the healing energy my knee received today. As it was being administered, I saw a bright, white light with a lot of smaller lights radiating out from it like slender fingers. I felt the light flowing into my system where it continued to work its magic. Even now, if I unfocus my eyes, I can see the light wrapping itself around my knee. Normally, when I envision healing energy, I see a green light, so this is much more than mere healing, and fits right in with the rune I drew today, "opening".
I find it interesting that the rune I draw almost always fits right in with what is going on in my life at the time, but this one was uncanny because it fit into what I've been writing about the last couple of days. I truly am opening myself up to new things and new people. The divine light which has insinuated itself into my being is just one more step in my process of allowing. The light serves many functions, but the ones I think are most important right now are to protect me from harm and to cause my own inner light to shine even brighter, the better to attract the wonderful abundance I have already begun to experience.
When I went dancing tonight, I began to feel more of a connection with the people I see every week. I can't really explain it well, but I just felt like I was drawing closer to the people I enjoy every week, and that the casual friendships were getting ready to become more. As people left, a group of us moved closer together, sharing a couple of tables and some conversation. There was such a rightness to it, even though I was the only one who was not a couple. I'm sure a large part of that was just the people I was with who are all very warm, giving, loving people. But there was a different energy for me tonight. I enjoyed being on the dance floor, but I also felt very warm and happy just sitting there, talking.
I'm sitting here now, literally scratching my head as I puzzle over the change. I have to remind myself, as I do while enjoying the meditative state during a massage, or during my regular meditations, to accept the visions and not try to analyze them. (case in point, the hippo's nose!). Friendships develop outside of the rules of logic just as the visions appear to me. Sure, they are there for a reason, but we don't always really need to know what that is. Better to just accept and enjoy!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for friendship.
2. I am grateful for healing energy that is so much more!
3. I am grateful for being able to understand when I'm overanalyzing.
4. I am grateful for the 30 pound turkey (or something close) which I'll find before Thanksgiving.
5. I am grateful for love in all of its many forms.
Love and light.
Friday, November 9, 2012
November 9, 2012 And the wheel turns
This week started out rough and only got rougher as it progressed, but tonight made it all worth it and then some! Had a quick dinner at Souplantation including a well-deserved dish of chocolate lava cake followed by an amazing performance of Seussical the Musical. The professionalism this venue exhibits regardless of the show never ceases to amaze me. And the talented singers, dancers and actors always knock my socks off. Tonight was no exception, in fact, I think it was the best show I've seen so far! And some of the performers couldn't have been more than 5 years old!!! But what stage presence! What voices! What talent!!! And the Cat was an absolute riot!!! Horton made you laugh, made you cry and made you go "Awwwwww". The birds fluttered, the monkeys caused mayhem as monkeys do. I just can't say enough about the performance! Thank you, High Street Theatre, for keeping the arts alive in Ventura County!!! You do an amazing job and I, for one, will continue to support and promote you!
I have to say, I'm as amped up after that performance as I am from a night of dancing, and don't see myself settling down to sleep for quite awhile. And so, dear readers, brace yourselves for what may be one of my longest posts in awhile!
Tonight I also congratulate myself for two days of keeping my cool with difficult people and a difficult situation. For accepting that there are things I can't change, releasing my anger and frustration, and allowing other options to formulate. I realized this week that it's not only my thoughts that I can manage this way, but also my actions and, even better, my RE actions! There will always be difficult people in my life, but it's entirely up to me whether or not to allow them to affect my behaviour.
And speaking of difficult people, my wonderful son-in-law rescued my giant soup and potato pot from my darling, but ornery daughter. When he went to retrieve it, she told him that she'd planned to keep it because she felt I was being petty. We had a good laugh over that one! She then offered Mathom her condolences for having to do mine and Heather's "dirty work". Silly girl! Mathom and I get along very well, and he loves my daughter to the moon and back!!! Sadly, he also adores my granddaughter who adores him right back, but he, being the sensible sort he is, won't allow her mother to use her as a pawn, any more than I will. Only the years ahead will determine how our relationships with Sera will evolve. I am just very grateful that Jenni's boyfriend is in her life because he really does seem to want what's best for her, and gives her the love, affection and boundaries a real dad should.
That leads me to an interesting thought. I've heard that the best love is the one with no boundaries, but I disagree. I think that boundaries are necessary as part of our promise to protect each others' hearts. Boundaries do not mean that the love isn't unconditional, they simply give us the opportunity to respect aspects of our loved ones which, whether we understand them or not, could prove hurtful if crossed. Boundaries are understanding that despite the fact that our love binds us together, we are still individuals who need space to be individual. We are not joined at the hip, nor should we be. The paths we walk must sometimes be walked on our own, and other times, walked with others; people we love, people who mentor us and people for whom we are the mentor. As we expand ourselves, we must be prepared to perform many roles because in each is a lesson which moves us further along our path, and sometimes, many lessons.
When my daughter was dating another young man a few years ago, she had to split herself between us because he and I didn't get along all that well, and he resented the attention she paid to anyone but him. The man she married, on the other hand, is very sensitive to her need for "mom time" and as a result, we tend to include him more often than not, because he is comfortable to be with, has no trouble sharing her and carries no resentment. He is comfortable with his place in her heart and has no need for her to keep proving it by ignoring others for his sake. So in some cases, the boundaries may be blurred, but they are still there and must be respected for the love to thrive. Respect is such a huge part of the equation too. Sure, the boundaries are there, and it is up to us to be aware of them and appreciate them. But respecting not only the boundaries but all aspects of another person takes us to a whole new level.
So my new focus will be to be aware of what my boundaries are because I can't expect anyone to respect them if I'm not clear as to what they are. I am also going to try to be more aware of the boundaries of others, and to respect them as well. But the other side of that is to be aware of when there are no boundaries, and to allow myself to get closer, and to allow others to do the same.
I will also be focusing more on loving and respecting not only those close to me, but those who are more challenging. Respecting and loving the ones who are harder to respect and love offers me some really powerful lessons!
Finally, now that I have made a habit of writing in my blog, to the extent that I literally cannot go to sleep without posting at least a few sentences and my five gratitudes, it is time to start working on getting to the gym on a regular basis. It is time to create another habit! Wish me luck!
My gratitudes are:.
1. I am grateful for having established a habit which I have now honored religiously for nearly 3 months and over 900 blog hits! Woo hoo!
2. I am grateful that I have progressed much more quickly than expected after knee surgery.
3. I am grateful for new and exciting opportunities.
4. I am grateful for the chance to establish more habits which will make me a better person and give inspiration to others as well.
5. I am grateful that tomorrow is massage day!
Love and light.
I have to say, I'm as amped up after that performance as I am from a night of dancing, and don't see myself settling down to sleep for quite awhile. And so, dear readers, brace yourselves for what may be one of my longest posts in awhile!
Tonight I also congratulate myself for two days of keeping my cool with difficult people and a difficult situation. For accepting that there are things I can't change, releasing my anger and frustration, and allowing other options to formulate. I realized this week that it's not only my thoughts that I can manage this way, but also my actions and, even better, my RE actions! There will always be difficult people in my life, but it's entirely up to me whether or not to allow them to affect my behaviour.
And speaking of difficult people, my wonderful son-in-law rescued my giant soup and potato pot from my darling, but ornery daughter. When he went to retrieve it, she told him that she'd planned to keep it because she felt I was being petty. We had a good laugh over that one! She then offered Mathom her condolences for having to do mine and Heather's "dirty work". Silly girl! Mathom and I get along very well, and he loves my daughter to the moon and back!!! Sadly, he also adores my granddaughter who adores him right back, but he, being the sensible sort he is, won't allow her mother to use her as a pawn, any more than I will. Only the years ahead will determine how our relationships with Sera will evolve. I am just very grateful that Jenni's boyfriend is in her life because he really does seem to want what's best for her, and gives her the love, affection and boundaries a real dad should.
That leads me to an interesting thought. I've heard that the best love is the one with no boundaries, but I disagree. I think that boundaries are necessary as part of our promise to protect each others' hearts. Boundaries do not mean that the love isn't unconditional, they simply give us the opportunity to respect aspects of our loved ones which, whether we understand them or not, could prove hurtful if crossed. Boundaries are understanding that despite the fact that our love binds us together, we are still individuals who need space to be individual. We are not joined at the hip, nor should we be. The paths we walk must sometimes be walked on our own, and other times, walked with others; people we love, people who mentor us and people for whom we are the mentor. As we expand ourselves, we must be prepared to perform many roles because in each is a lesson which moves us further along our path, and sometimes, many lessons.
When my daughter was dating another young man a few years ago, she had to split herself between us because he and I didn't get along all that well, and he resented the attention she paid to anyone but him. The man she married, on the other hand, is very sensitive to her need for "mom time" and as a result, we tend to include him more often than not, because he is comfortable to be with, has no trouble sharing her and carries no resentment. He is comfortable with his place in her heart and has no need for her to keep proving it by ignoring others for his sake. So in some cases, the boundaries may be blurred, but they are still there and must be respected for the love to thrive. Respect is such a huge part of the equation too. Sure, the boundaries are there, and it is up to us to be aware of them and appreciate them. But respecting not only the boundaries but all aspects of another person takes us to a whole new level.
So my new focus will be to be aware of what my boundaries are because I can't expect anyone to respect them if I'm not clear as to what they are. I am also going to try to be more aware of the boundaries of others, and to respect them as well. But the other side of that is to be aware of when there are no boundaries, and to allow myself to get closer, and to allow others to do the same.
I will also be focusing more on loving and respecting not only those close to me, but those who are more challenging. Respecting and loving the ones who are harder to respect and love offers me some really powerful lessons!
Finally, now that I have made a habit of writing in my blog, to the extent that I literally cannot go to sleep without posting at least a few sentences and my five gratitudes, it is time to start working on getting to the gym on a regular basis. It is time to create another habit! Wish me luck!
My gratitudes are:.
1. I am grateful for having established a habit which I have now honored religiously for nearly 3 months and over 900 blog hits! Woo hoo!
2. I am grateful that I have progressed much more quickly than expected after knee surgery.
3. I am grateful for new and exciting opportunities.
4. I am grateful for the chance to establish more habits which will make me a better person and give inspiration to others as well.
5. I am grateful that tomorrow is massage day!
Love and light.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
November 8, 2012 Girding my loins
It is becoming more and more apparent that change is not only inevitable, it is necessary. I may not actually effect the coming changes, but I do need to open some doors, a window or two and maybe even a man hole. In effect, I will be making sure that all options have the ability to become opportunities and trust in the Universe to guide me to the most advantageous for my growth and education.
It is still not clear to me what might be in store, but what is clear is that I've traveled the current path as long as I'm supposed to and it's time to forge a new one. I'm definitely inclined to choose the one less traveled, but at the moment, I'm still left with too many possibilities. One thing I have noticed is that meditations are getting much calmer and it is taking less to release the negative energy. I'm also finding that when my mind knows that the meditation has done what it needed to, I immediately return to my normal conscious state, feeling refreshed and alert. However, I don't remember what visions came to me during the meditation. This will come later when something triggers one of those images. And I think that's the current purpose of my meditations. My mind has various images which, like a puzzle box, won't surface until the correct combination of moves has occurred. At that point, a piece of the appropriate image will enter my field of vision and the rest of the image will solidify and I will remember the entire sequence of events from my meditation. These episodes of synchronicity are clearly the Universe's way of leading me through the maze to the right spot to begin the next phase in my journey.
I feel a bit like Hansel and Gretel, leaving a path of breadcrumbs so I can find my way out of the forest, only to find that birds have eaten my crumbs and that I must now find new landmarks to guide my way. Thankfully, a hungry, child eating woman is not part of the scenario! It is now up to me to find the things which trigger the memories and light my new path. As I find more and more of the images, my path will become brighter and brighter until I know without a shadow of a doubt exactly where I'm headed next!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for productive meditations.
2. I am grateful for imagery which makes me think instead of just handing me the answers.
3. I am grateful that it is a massage week.
4. I am grateful for friends who encourage me to spread my wings a little further.
5. I am grateful for happy, healthy knees!
Love and light.
It is still not clear to me what might be in store, but what is clear is that I've traveled the current path as long as I'm supposed to and it's time to forge a new one. I'm definitely inclined to choose the one less traveled, but at the moment, I'm still left with too many possibilities. One thing I have noticed is that meditations are getting much calmer and it is taking less to release the negative energy. I'm also finding that when my mind knows that the meditation has done what it needed to, I immediately return to my normal conscious state, feeling refreshed and alert. However, I don't remember what visions came to me during the meditation. This will come later when something triggers one of those images. And I think that's the current purpose of my meditations. My mind has various images which, like a puzzle box, won't surface until the correct combination of moves has occurred. At that point, a piece of the appropriate image will enter my field of vision and the rest of the image will solidify and I will remember the entire sequence of events from my meditation. These episodes of synchronicity are clearly the Universe's way of leading me through the maze to the right spot to begin the next phase in my journey.
I feel a bit like Hansel and Gretel, leaving a path of breadcrumbs so I can find my way out of the forest, only to find that birds have eaten my crumbs and that I must now find new landmarks to guide my way. Thankfully, a hungry, child eating woman is not part of the scenario! It is now up to me to find the things which trigger the memories and light my new path. As I find more and more of the images, my path will become brighter and brighter until I know without a shadow of a doubt exactly where I'm headed next!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for productive meditations.
2. I am grateful for imagery which makes me think instead of just handing me the answers.
3. I am grateful that it is a massage week.
4. I am grateful for friends who encourage me to spread my wings a little further.
5. I am grateful for happy, healthy knees!
Love and light.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
November 7, 2012 Just thinking it over.
The last few days have been rather tense, work-wise, but making sure I get my meditation in and focusing on allowing is really helping. I can't say I'm happy about how things are shaking out, but as none of it is in my control, I'm resolved to accept, release and move on to the things which are within my control, or at least, can be influenced by my allowing.
When someone tries to speak to me as if I am beneath them, I nod and walk away. When it annoys them when later, I am distant, I am not sorry as I am giving them the distance they requested, nothing more, nothing less. As I have discovered that allowing the distance to shrink makes them think that they can behave inappropriately, I do my best to save us both the trouble. Their negative behaviour reflects badly on both of us. And because I can distance myself, I found myself, during my meditation thinking, "I do love the deep down, kind center of you, despite the fact that you lock it up behind a facade of ugliness. Just know that I do love the inner you because we are connected, are part of the same whole." Reaching these little epiphanies always results in a deeper, more intense meditation. So I am grateful for the conflicts as they remind me to find the love.
The friends I have made over the last few years are really pulling together now, doing what we can to be there for each other and open our eyes and ears for opportunities for all concerned. I am gratified to be part of this wonderful, intelligent, inspirational, compassionate, forward thinking group of people. They inspire me to continue improving my skills and my knowledge.
Knowledge and experience are all part of this learning process we call the Human Existence. Without them, we simply waste our time on earth. But to take each challenge, each seeming setback as a chance to learn something new, something valuable without which we would not be ready for the next steps along our path is truly what makes this Human Existence worth the time we spend here. To celebrate each others' victories and to be supportive during the lessons which we sometimes mistakenly call failures adds so much depth and value to this life we are here to lead. As I am learning to not only be grateful for the person who allows me to merge in front of them on the freeway, but also to the one who allows me to be kind and let them merge, I am also learning to appreciate both the people who cheer me on and support me as much as those who allow me to do so for them.
In the tarot, and I will refer to the Spiral Tarot in this case, the Six of Pentacles depicts a king, a blind pauper and a woman of some means standing together with their hands joined. The card refers to the value of giving as well as receiving; of being blessed to be allowed to give, and also to be allowed to receive. Generosity of spirit is not satisfied if one is always the giver as the recipients are not afforded the joy which comes with doing for another. The same is true of always being the recipient. The giver is not afforded the joy of allowing someone to do for them. And it's not all about money or goods. Even the poorest person, financially, has qualities within themselves which allow them to give, and so often, the giving of oneself, instead of being treasured for the amazing gift it is, will be minimized because it lacks intrinsic, measurable monetary value. But what monetary value exists in holding a door for someone, leaving space on a busy freeway or being a little patient while a handicapped person takes a little more time to walk through a gate? Conversely, how much will a person grow by giving a homeless person a dollar when they pass them on the street, not looking into their eyes, just letting go of a little cash? Wouldn't both parties be better served by bringing them some healthy food and maybe something for the dog who keeps them safe? Sure, it takes a little more effort, but just like the concept of risks and rewards, greater effort yields greater personal growth. And maybe, in making that exchange, you'll find that the person who has been forced to beg on the streets can really inspire you with their wisdom and outlook on life, if they're just given a chance to share some of what they know instead of being passed by like a piece of litter on the street.
I guess my point, after rambling on for a bit is that as we attend to our Spiritual growth, the rest of our life will fall into place because we are focusing on the things that bring joy, not only to ourselves but to our fellow travelers through the Universe. Yes, I do believe that we are all Universal time travelers, enjoying the current experience, but knowing that what we learn in this lifetime will be utilized in the next ones, just as the knowledge we gain from our experiences now will be vital to the experiences yet to come.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the opportunities I am being afforded to learn and grow.
2. I am grateful for people who help me learn by the amazing examples they set.
3. I am grateful for quiet evenings with my cats to offset tensions in other parts of my life.
4. I am grateful for the healing powers of the Universe.
5. I am grateful for the opportunities to be both a giver and a receiver.
Love and light.
When someone tries to speak to me as if I am beneath them, I nod and walk away. When it annoys them when later, I am distant, I am not sorry as I am giving them the distance they requested, nothing more, nothing less. As I have discovered that allowing the distance to shrink makes them think that they can behave inappropriately, I do my best to save us both the trouble. Their negative behaviour reflects badly on both of us. And because I can distance myself, I found myself, during my meditation thinking, "I do love the deep down, kind center of you, despite the fact that you lock it up behind a facade of ugliness. Just know that I do love the inner you because we are connected, are part of the same whole." Reaching these little epiphanies always results in a deeper, more intense meditation. So I am grateful for the conflicts as they remind me to find the love.
The friends I have made over the last few years are really pulling together now, doing what we can to be there for each other and open our eyes and ears for opportunities for all concerned. I am gratified to be part of this wonderful, intelligent, inspirational, compassionate, forward thinking group of people. They inspire me to continue improving my skills and my knowledge.
Knowledge and experience are all part of this learning process we call the Human Existence. Without them, we simply waste our time on earth. But to take each challenge, each seeming setback as a chance to learn something new, something valuable without which we would not be ready for the next steps along our path is truly what makes this Human Existence worth the time we spend here. To celebrate each others' victories and to be supportive during the lessons which we sometimes mistakenly call failures adds so much depth and value to this life we are here to lead. As I am learning to not only be grateful for the person who allows me to merge in front of them on the freeway, but also to the one who allows me to be kind and let them merge, I am also learning to appreciate both the people who cheer me on and support me as much as those who allow me to do so for them.
In the tarot, and I will refer to the Spiral Tarot in this case, the Six of Pentacles depicts a king, a blind pauper and a woman of some means standing together with their hands joined. The card refers to the value of giving as well as receiving; of being blessed to be allowed to give, and also to be allowed to receive. Generosity of spirit is not satisfied if one is always the giver as the recipients are not afforded the joy which comes with doing for another. The same is true of always being the recipient. The giver is not afforded the joy of allowing someone to do for them. And it's not all about money or goods. Even the poorest person, financially, has qualities within themselves which allow them to give, and so often, the giving of oneself, instead of being treasured for the amazing gift it is, will be minimized because it lacks intrinsic, measurable monetary value. But what monetary value exists in holding a door for someone, leaving space on a busy freeway or being a little patient while a handicapped person takes a little more time to walk through a gate? Conversely, how much will a person grow by giving a homeless person a dollar when they pass them on the street, not looking into their eyes, just letting go of a little cash? Wouldn't both parties be better served by bringing them some healthy food and maybe something for the dog who keeps them safe? Sure, it takes a little more effort, but just like the concept of risks and rewards, greater effort yields greater personal growth. And maybe, in making that exchange, you'll find that the person who has been forced to beg on the streets can really inspire you with their wisdom and outlook on life, if they're just given a chance to share some of what they know instead of being passed by like a piece of litter on the street.
I guess my point, after rambling on for a bit is that as we attend to our Spiritual growth, the rest of our life will fall into place because we are focusing on the things that bring joy, not only to ourselves but to our fellow travelers through the Universe. Yes, I do believe that we are all Universal time travelers, enjoying the current experience, but knowing that what we learn in this lifetime will be utilized in the next ones, just as the knowledge we gain from our experiences now will be vital to the experiences yet to come.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the opportunities I am being afforded to learn and grow.
2. I am grateful for people who help me learn by the amazing examples they set.
3. I am grateful for quiet evenings with my cats to offset tensions in other parts of my life.
4. I am grateful for the healing powers of the Universe.
5. I am grateful for the opportunities to be both a giver and a receiver.
Love and light.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
November 6, 2012 Infinite gratitude
Today I realized just how incredibly fortunate I am. I do not have to go to bed every night with a man who likes to throw things into a discussion like "give me an example of when I said that" or "give me an example of when I behaved that way". Good grief! Do people like that really maintain a store house of other people's transgressions or perceived transgressions to be dragged out so they can justify their anger or irrationality? I cannot conceive of holding on to that kind of baggage! I may not like something about a person, but to have to cart around not only my reasons, but supporting documentation for those reasons? Seriously???? I wouldn't waste a nanosecond of processing time on such a useless endeavor. And yes, the heart shaped confetti was thrown profusely at this one!!! And it did make me feel better even though I had to be downright rude to get this gentleman to end the conversation.
The Universe clearly has something pretty amazing in store for me to be testing my patience so frequently and so forcefully these days. But will there be enough imaginary confetti to allow me to pass the tests? I can only hope that my imagination is up to the task of supporting my efforts to learn patience.
At least the election is now over so we can go back to being friends again! Why people choose to battle over something like politics continues to baffle me, but at times, it's even worse than religion! We all need to take about ten steps back and realize that, in the end, it is still all about people. All of us are connected, and we all have valid points in our beliefs. Nobody is completely wrong and nobody is completely right. In fact, in some cases, there really is no right or wrong, except when it is seen as acceptable to attack someone, either verbally or physically, for their beliefs. I will always see that as completely wrong.
I have some dear friends who will be less than thrilled at the outcome of this election, but there have been years when I was the less than thrilled one. The wheel turns and we all get our chance. The very best that we can do is to make our voice heard and realize that sometimes the majority will agree with us and sometimes they won't, but we need the diversity in thought, in action and in people. Surrounding ourselves only with those who share our views will not allow us to thrive and grow. We will simply stagnate because there is no reason to consider other viewpoints, when we never hear them.
So bring on those ideas which run counter to mine. Make me think and learn and revisit my ideas to see if they still fit, and if not, to try on new ones until I find something comfortable again. Then let that be challenged so I can again learn.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to live where diversity is, if not respected, at least allowed to thrive.
2. I am grateful for the continuing lessons in patience. I'm going to get this!!!
3. I am grateful for being a month ahead of my physical therapist's expectations.
4. I am grateful that the election is over and life can return to normal.
5. I am grateful for the multitude of opportunities I am being offered.
Love and light (and heart shaped confetti)
The Universe clearly has something pretty amazing in store for me to be testing my patience so frequently and so forcefully these days. But will there be enough imaginary confetti to allow me to pass the tests? I can only hope that my imagination is up to the task of supporting my efforts to learn patience.
At least the election is now over so we can go back to being friends again! Why people choose to battle over something like politics continues to baffle me, but at times, it's even worse than religion! We all need to take about ten steps back and realize that, in the end, it is still all about people. All of us are connected, and we all have valid points in our beliefs. Nobody is completely wrong and nobody is completely right. In fact, in some cases, there really is no right or wrong, except when it is seen as acceptable to attack someone, either verbally or physically, for their beliefs. I will always see that as completely wrong.
I have some dear friends who will be less than thrilled at the outcome of this election, but there have been years when I was the less than thrilled one. The wheel turns and we all get our chance. The very best that we can do is to make our voice heard and realize that sometimes the majority will agree with us and sometimes they won't, but we need the diversity in thought, in action and in people. Surrounding ourselves only with those who share our views will not allow us to thrive and grow. We will simply stagnate because there is no reason to consider other viewpoints, when we never hear them.
So bring on those ideas which run counter to mine. Make me think and learn and revisit my ideas to see if they still fit, and if not, to try on new ones until I find something comfortable again. Then let that be challenged so I can again learn.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to live where diversity is, if not respected, at least allowed to thrive.
2. I am grateful for the continuing lessons in patience. I'm going to get this!!!
3. I am grateful for being a month ahead of my physical therapist's expectations.
4. I am grateful that the election is over and life can return to normal.
5. I am grateful for the multitude of opportunities I am being offered.
Love and light (and heart shaped confetti)
Monday, November 5, 2012
November 5, 2012 Practicing kindness and patience
Today I put more than my usual effort into being kind and patient. When another driver allowed me to make space for them to change lanes, I sent them a thank you thought. And when I was conversing with someone whose actions have left me devoid of respect for them, I imagined tossing handfuls of confetti hearts at him, and was able to finish the conversation with a smile on my face, and with my original plan intact.
I thought about this when I was talking to my daughter who was driving home after work. She was cussing out other drivers, honking her horn and just being annoyed at the whole process, so, of course, she got all of the inconsiderate people. Meanwhile, I was being grateful and appreciating every little thing, so I had all of the considerate people who willingly made space for each other, gave everyone plenty of room and accepted the reality that the traffic might be a bit heavy so their trip might take a bit longer, but they may as well enjoy the evening drive. And because I arrived home calm and appreciative, I was able to get the sand boxes emptied and cleaned, the bathroom floors scrubbed and the trash out while my dinner was cooking. As a result, I feel relaxed, knowing that I won't have to drag myself out later tonight to get the trash done, and can concentrate on making my decisions for tomorrow's election and enjoying my dinner over a little tv.
I wish I could convince people that even their aches and pains are at least partially due to the attitude they take and the things they allow to build up inside. I think if I had only one message I could impart to the rest of humanity it would be "Relax and allow. Everything you want or need will come when you stop fighting."
We really can be our own worst enemy at times. It's as if we're trained from birth that in order to get ahead we have to fight. In order to overcome an illness, we need to fight it. I heard a commercial on the radio today talking about how we fight to lose weight, and how we rarely succeed when we fight it. The answer isn't a fad diet or a lap band or some other kind of medical treatment. It really is as simple as finding that place where you can allow yourself to be healthy. When you allow yourself to be healthy, your body naturally begins to function more efficiently, you lose your craving for foods which don't help your body be its best. That isn't to say that you won't eat them once in awhile, but your steady diet will consist of things your body needs for good health. When you allow yourself to be healthy, your body tells you what it needs, and, for a change, you actually listen!
The same is true of our careers. How often do we hear about a guy who fought his way to the top only to find that either it's very lonely up there, or he's not really happy now that he got what he thought he wanted, or worse, his health suffered along the way? Isn't it better to allow the career that will bring us joy to find us? That is not to say we should sit on a hilltop and weave baskets (unless, of course, that is what makes us happy!) Rather, we can leave ourselves open to possibilities, even while we're keeping our bills paid by doing something that doesn't quite fit. The more we venture out into the world and past where we are comfortable, the more likely it will be that that amazing, joyful place will find us! You can't meet the love of your life by locking yourself inside your house every day, so why would anyone think they would meet the job that brings them the most joy that way?
I prefer to be like the baby bird, venturing out of the nest one day and attempting to fly, knowing that it's what she needs to do to learn and grow. Sure, it's scary at first, but mama bird will always be there until she can make it on her own. We have an even better "mama bird" in the form of the Universe. No matter what happens, as long as we believe in ourselves and trust that everything works out as it is supposed to, it will! Maybe that makes me the Fool on the Hill, but if so, I'm a happy Fool!
Tonight's gratitudes are:
1. I am grateful for opportunities which flow into my life when I least expect them.
2. I am grateful for patience as it smooths the road I travel.
3. I am grateful for kindness, both given and received, as it brings us together.
4. I am grateful for people who fight because it reminds me to be still and allow.
5. I am grateful for a warped sense of humor which puts even the most trying day into perspective.
Love and light.
I thought about this when I was talking to my daughter who was driving home after work. She was cussing out other drivers, honking her horn and just being annoyed at the whole process, so, of course, she got all of the inconsiderate people. Meanwhile, I was being grateful and appreciating every little thing, so I had all of the considerate people who willingly made space for each other, gave everyone plenty of room and accepted the reality that the traffic might be a bit heavy so their trip might take a bit longer, but they may as well enjoy the evening drive. And because I arrived home calm and appreciative, I was able to get the sand boxes emptied and cleaned, the bathroom floors scrubbed and the trash out while my dinner was cooking. As a result, I feel relaxed, knowing that I won't have to drag myself out later tonight to get the trash done, and can concentrate on making my decisions for tomorrow's election and enjoying my dinner over a little tv.
I wish I could convince people that even their aches and pains are at least partially due to the attitude they take and the things they allow to build up inside. I think if I had only one message I could impart to the rest of humanity it would be "Relax and allow. Everything you want or need will come when you stop fighting."
We really can be our own worst enemy at times. It's as if we're trained from birth that in order to get ahead we have to fight. In order to overcome an illness, we need to fight it. I heard a commercial on the radio today talking about how we fight to lose weight, and how we rarely succeed when we fight it. The answer isn't a fad diet or a lap band or some other kind of medical treatment. It really is as simple as finding that place where you can allow yourself to be healthy. When you allow yourself to be healthy, your body naturally begins to function more efficiently, you lose your craving for foods which don't help your body be its best. That isn't to say that you won't eat them once in awhile, but your steady diet will consist of things your body needs for good health. When you allow yourself to be healthy, your body tells you what it needs, and, for a change, you actually listen!
The same is true of our careers. How often do we hear about a guy who fought his way to the top only to find that either it's very lonely up there, or he's not really happy now that he got what he thought he wanted, or worse, his health suffered along the way? Isn't it better to allow the career that will bring us joy to find us? That is not to say we should sit on a hilltop and weave baskets (unless, of course, that is what makes us happy!) Rather, we can leave ourselves open to possibilities, even while we're keeping our bills paid by doing something that doesn't quite fit. The more we venture out into the world and past where we are comfortable, the more likely it will be that that amazing, joyful place will find us! You can't meet the love of your life by locking yourself inside your house every day, so why would anyone think they would meet the job that brings them the most joy that way?
I prefer to be like the baby bird, venturing out of the nest one day and attempting to fly, knowing that it's what she needs to do to learn and grow. Sure, it's scary at first, but mama bird will always be there until she can make it on her own. We have an even better "mama bird" in the form of the Universe. No matter what happens, as long as we believe in ourselves and trust that everything works out as it is supposed to, it will! Maybe that makes me the Fool on the Hill, but if so, I'm a happy Fool!
Tonight's gratitudes are:
1. I am grateful for opportunities which flow into my life when I least expect them.
2. I am grateful for patience as it smooths the road I travel.
3. I am grateful for kindness, both given and received, as it brings us together.
4. I am grateful for people who fight because it reminds me to be still and allow.
5. I am grateful for a warped sense of humor which puts even the most trying day into perspective.
Love and light.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
November 4, 2012 Believing is reality
Over the last week, I've had several people (including one guy) walk up to me and tell me that I looked like I was losing weight. As I get on the scale every morning, I knew that I still weighed the same as I had for a week or so, and that was 10 pounds heavier than I was at my lowest point this year. The only thing I've really changed is to add L-Glutamine to my daily routine. I know it's supposed to build muscle which weighs more than fat, but I didn't really expect a drastic change until I started working out regularly again. But after the last one, I realized that instead of denying it, I needed to just start believing it, because I know that to believe that something has already occurred is the strongest energy for making it happen.
Although I sat around a lot yesterday because of my upset tummy, I did eat so I was delightfully surprised when I got on the scale this morning and found that I had lost 1.2 pounds!!! Nothing like a very clear reminder that thoughts become reality!
Clearly, whatever I'm doing now is working, so I am not changing a thing!!! Did my exercises for my knee this morning, took my L-Glutamine (and will take more in a few), bought healthy eats from Trader Joe's and am drinking lots of water. But most of all, I'm keeping thoughts of a healthy, fit body in the forefront of my brain, and visualizing it happening, right before my eyes!!!
My gratitudes for tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my friends who remind me to visualize what I want.
2. I am grateful that my body is responding to all of the positive influences.
3. I am grateful for needing to get up and move often to give my knee more reason to heal quickly.
4. I am grateful for wonderful new beginnings which are arriving much sooner than expected.
5. I am grateful for a quiet weekend spent doing things around the house and reacclimating myself to the new time.
Love and light.
Although I sat around a lot yesterday because of my upset tummy, I did eat so I was delightfully surprised when I got on the scale this morning and found that I had lost 1.2 pounds!!! Nothing like a very clear reminder that thoughts become reality!
Clearly, whatever I'm doing now is working, so I am not changing a thing!!! Did my exercises for my knee this morning, took my L-Glutamine (and will take more in a few), bought healthy eats from Trader Joe's and am drinking lots of water. But most of all, I'm keeping thoughts of a healthy, fit body in the forefront of my brain, and visualizing it happening, right before my eyes!!!
My gratitudes for tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my friends who remind me to visualize what I want.
2. I am grateful that my body is responding to all of the positive influences.
3. I am grateful for needing to get up and move often to give my knee more reason to heal quickly.
4. I am grateful for wonderful new beginnings which are arriving much sooner than expected.
5. I am grateful for a quiet weekend spent doing things around the house and reacclimating myself to the new time.
Love and light.
November 3, 2012 Strange brew in the air
Tonight both Heather and I are staying home from dancing because we have felt slightly queasy all day. Typically, I only feel queasy on work days, so this, in and of itself is unusual for me (as if skipping a night of dancing wasn't!), but to have both of us feeling off was already striking me as odd. But when she came by to help me give Loki her fluids tonight, she mentioned that Mathom, too, was feeling like something wasn't right but couldn't put his finger on anything. I know for myself that sometimes anxiety or a feeling that something isn't right manifests itself with an upset stomach.
I'd like to think that it's not so much that something isn't right but that something is going to change rather quickly, something of enough magnitude to shake the equilibrium at least a bit. Enough to cause us to feel off balance until we adjust to whatever will be different. Like the scent in the air before a rainstorm, our minds are detecting that change, that disruption of the normal balance of things and feel it like a bout of vertigo. ( I sat here for at least 3 minutes, wracking my brain for that word, and just as I was about to bring up the thesaurus in Word, it popped into my head! Weird, and now I have a slight headache behind my right eye!)
At this point, I have no way of knowing if it is a change to the Earth or something more spiritual, but whatever it is, it is not very far off. Interestingly, when I close my eyes to try to narrow it down, I can't bring up a vision of a calendar, but instead, am visualizing women and girls who are all smiling. All of them are wearing their hair pulled back as if to keep it out of the way while they work.
Also, Dylan and Loki have not let me out of their sight all day. If I leave the room for even a minute, both of them follow me and curl up on a chair or desk nearby. Are they sensing my discomfort or feeling whatever is causing my unsteadiness? At times like this, I wish they could talk so I'd know! (but cats have to have their secrets, don't they?)
Tonights gratitudes are:
1. I am grateful for daylight savings when I gain an hour and get to wake up when it's light outside.
2. I am grateful for new days filled with promise.
3. I am grateful for lazy days with the kitties.
4. I am grateful for having my own space to refresh and rejuvinate.
5. I am grateful for being able to express myself in this medium so things don't fester and make me sick.
Love and light.
I'd like to think that it's not so much that something isn't right but that something is going to change rather quickly, something of enough magnitude to shake the equilibrium at least a bit. Enough to cause us to feel off balance until we adjust to whatever will be different. Like the scent in the air before a rainstorm, our minds are detecting that change, that disruption of the normal balance of things and feel it like a bout of vertigo. ( I sat here for at least 3 minutes, wracking my brain for that word, and just as I was about to bring up the thesaurus in Word, it popped into my head! Weird, and now I have a slight headache behind my right eye!)
At this point, I have no way of knowing if it is a change to the Earth or something more spiritual, but whatever it is, it is not very far off. Interestingly, when I close my eyes to try to narrow it down, I can't bring up a vision of a calendar, but instead, am visualizing women and girls who are all smiling. All of them are wearing their hair pulled back as if to keep it out of the way while they work.
Also, Dylan and Loki have not let me out of their sight all day. If I leave the room for even a minute, both of them follow me and curl up on a chair or desk nearby. Are they sensing my discomfort or feeling whatever is causing my unsteadiness? At times like this, I wish they could talk so I'd know! (but cats have to have their secrets, don't they?)
Tonights gratitudes are:
1. I am grateful for daylight savings when I gain an hour and get to wake up when it's light outside.
2. I am grateful for new days filled with promise.
3. I am grateful for lazy days with the kitties.
4. I am grateful for having my own space to refresh and rejuvinate.
5. I am grateful for being able to express myself in this medium so things don't fester and make me sick.
Love and light.
Friday, November 2, 2012
November 2, 2012 Ponderings, wanderings and meanderings.
So here I sit, without anything spectacular to impart for a change. Just a day with a killer workout at physical therapy and a nice dinner with my daughter while her hubby is on his drill weekend down south. Some quiet cuddling with my big, fuzzy boys and more petite, but equally demanding girls. And so begins my weekend.
I'm starting to see the annual Facebook posts about the 30 days or so of thankfulness and it amuses me because it reminds me a lot of the days before Christmas when kids are supposed to try to be good so Santa will bring them presents. The fact is, gratitude isn't something you do just because the holidays are coming. To really get the full benefit of gratitude, it must be practiced every day, and not only every day, but every chance you get. You wake up in the morning, be grateful. You have food for breakfast, be grateful. You are loved. Be grateful. Without belaboring the point, nothing should be taken for granted.
In thinking about it, I catch myself remembering how I appreciated the person who left room for me to change lanes on the freeway today, and how I made a point of waving and thinking my thanks to them. But when I slow down a bit, or leave space for someone else to change lanes or merge, I don't think to thank them. And really, why don't I? They just gave me the opportunity to be kind! If I don't get those opportunities, I won't learn, so for all who allow me to do something kind for them, a big THANK YOU! And I will try harder to remember to show my gratitude at the time rather than waiting until it hits me like a brick to the side of my exceedingly hard head! And while I'm at it, I am grateful for the people who start talking about thankfulness and gratitude around the first of November because it reminds me that I am grateful year 'round and that's a wonderful, special thing. It also reminds me that I'm not doing enough to get the message of gratitude out there. Granted, my readership has skyrocketed over the last couple of months. I even had a day with over 60 hits! I was so excited to see that! But am I truly communicating the message of gratitude, or are other key words bringing in readers?
I get constant reminders of how much gratitude and positive thinking drive a life. I watch the people I work for focusing on the negative outcomes until they become their full reality. My challenge is to detach myself from the negativity. But not only that, to carve out a little island of positive energy in the middle of a cesspool of negative energy. I have learned that doing so repels the negative energy yet I don't always remember to employ it.
So what is a person to do when they are surrounded by those who insist on bemoaning what is wrong instead of delighting in what is right? How do we alter our own space in their world so that what drives and motivates them isn't allowed to dampen our spirits or bring us down from our joyful place? And more importantly, how do we alter things enough to move us physically out of range of their chosen, unjoyful path?
These are questions I will be pondering in the weeks to come as parts of my world are going into a tornado-like spin which I choose to steer clear of, and follow a much happier, more successful path. Although it has become more difficult to maintain the level of positive energy I desire in every aspect of my environment, I know that it is not an insurmountable task, and it will simply be the right amount of current applied in the right places to turn things in a more positive and desirable direction.
One area which will perplex me until I find a solution lies in the loss of anyone I can trust in my work environment. There are still a couple I can talk to on the outside, but inside is another story. But this is not the first time I've been an island in the middle of a storm, and I've certainly lived to tell the tale, and truth be told, come out better for having successfully navigated my way to a better place. Once again I'm being challenged to find out where that better place is and to direct my intentions towards that end.
Overall, I look forward to navigating new worlds and stretching my capabilities beyond anything I've ever imagined before! I am confident that this new journey will have its share of trials, but the rewards will be unbelievable!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the turning of life's wheel so I never get bored.
2. I am grateful for nights out with my daughter.
3. I am grateful for my last quiet weekend for awhile.
4. I am grateful for a mind which sees opportunities everywhere.
5. I am grateful for a world of endless possibilities.
Love and light.
I'm starting to see the annual Facebook posts about the 30 days or so of thankfulness and it amuses me because it reminds me a lot of the days before Christmas when kids are supposed to try to be good so Santa will bring them presents. The fact is, gratitude isn't something you do just because the holidays are coming. To really get the full benefit of gratitude, it must be practiced every day, and not only every day, but every chance you get. You wake up in the morning, be grateful. You have food for breakfast, be grateful. You are loved. Be grateful. Without belaboring the point, nothing should be taken for granted.
In thinking about it, I catch myself remembering how I appreciated the person who left room for me to change lanes on the freeway today, and how I made a point of waving and thinking my thanks to them. But when I slow down a bit, or leave space for someone else to change lanes or merge, I don't think to thank them. And really, why don't I? They just gave me the opportunity to be kind! If I don't get those opportunities, I won't learn, so for all who allow me to do something kind for them, a big THANK YOU! And I will try harder to remember to show my gratitude at the time rather than waiting until it hits me like a brick to the side of my exceedingly hard head! And while I'm at it, I am grateful for the people who start talking about thankfulness and gratitude around the first of November because it reminds me that I am grateful year 'round and that's a wonderful, special thing. It also reminds me that I'm not doing enough to get the message of gratitude out there. Granted, my readership has skyrocketed over the last couple of months. I even had a day with over 60 hits! I was so excited to see that! But am I truly communicating the message of gratitude, or are other key words bringing in readers?
I get constant reminders of how much gratitude and positive thinking drive a life. I watch the people I work for focusing on the negative outcomes until they become their full reality. My challenge is to detach myself from the negativity. But not only that, to carve out a little island of positive energy in the middle of a cesspool of negative energy. I have learned that doing so repels the negative energy yet I don't always remember to employ it.
So what is a person to do when they are surrounded by those who insist on bemoaning what is wrong instead of delighting in what is right? How do we alter our own space in their world so that what drives and motivates them isn't allowed to dampen our spirits or bring us down from our joyful place? And more importantly, how do we alter things enough to move us physically out of range of their chosen, unjoyful path?
These are questions I will be pondering in the weeks to come as parts of my world are going into a tornado-like spin which I choose to steer clear of, and follow a much happier, more successful path. Although it has become more difficult to maintain the level of positive energy I desire in every aspect of my environment, I know that it is not an insurmountable task, and it will simply be the right amount of current applied in the right places to turn things in a more positive and desirable direction.
One area which will perplex me until I find a solution lies in the loss of anyone I can trust in my work environment. There are still a couple I can talk to on the outside, but inside is another story. But this is not the first time I've been an island in the middle of a storm, and I've certainly lived to tell the tale, and truth be told, come out better for having successfully navigated my way to a better place. Once again I'm being challenged to find out where that better place is and to direct my intentions towards that end.
Overall, I look forward to navigating new worlds and stretching my capabilities beyond anything I've ever imagined before! I am confident that this new journey will have its share of trials, but the rewards will be unbelievable!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the turning of life's wheel so I never get bored.
2. I am grateful for nights out with my daughter.
3. I am grateful for my last quiet weekend for awhile.
4. I am grateful for a mind which sees opportunities everywhere.
5. I am grateful for a world of endless possibilities.
Love and light.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
November 1, 2012 Warning: Rant ahead!
I'll apologize to my readers in advance, but I just can't contain myself. Picture this scenario: Economy has wreaked havoc on a company and the owners have decided they need to do layoffs. So, who do they choose? A. A male recruiter who does as little as he can get away with and is only working because the wife who supports him insists on it. B. A female HR Manager/Security Officer who is a single mother and the sole support of two children, who has also been putting in long hours for years, keeping up with changing requirements, audits, requests from other departments, and has taken a great deal of abuse from management.
If you answered A, you're a rational, clear thinking human being. But the correct answer here is B. And the expectation is that her workload will be "easily absorbed" (I believe at one point he even wrote in an email that she could just wave a magic wand and Poof! it would be done!) by her assistant and the Controller who was recently told that she didn't have enough work to do.
Needless to say, I'm so angry I could spit, and I am not alone in my very rational disgust with how this whole thing is coming down. I'm starting to believe that they are intentionally trying to kill the company! And even if it isn't conscious, their negative attitudes will do it for them! I learned a long time ago that if you go around saying "this isn't going to work." or "we probably don't have a chance at winning this". By cracky! The Universe will happily grant your wish!!!
Not only that, this individual is the one person I could always count on to be fair and reasonable. If she believed I was right, she'd stand up for me, and if she believed I was wrong, she wasn't afraid to tell me so! I trust her on HR related subjects. She has a great deal of experience and truly wants to protect the company who employs her. It's just that some people don't want to be protected from either their greed or their stupidity.
But, as with everything, there is a good side to this. I am being reminded to keep my thoughts positive and my intentions clear! Even though I don't have the details outlined clearly, I am renewing my focus on a career that will enable me to telecommute at least 80% of the time and which will allow me to learn and grow and continue developing my skills and talents to their fullest potential. This whole sordid situation renews my desire for association with people who truly understand what service is, and that doesn't mean bending over and letting your customers kick you in the ass. They understand that the people you work with, for and who work for you are also customers, and if they are mistreated or abused, or are allowed to mistreat or abuse others, you're setting up a culture which can only be dysfunctional. As a very wise man said recently "the people who work for/with me don't have to like me, but they do have to trust me, and the only way they will do that is if I treat them with respect."
Fortunately, some of us actually do stand up for each other and do our best to help wherever we can. I know she'll come out better for this experience, and the layoff may just be the kick in the pants she needed to get out of an abusive situation. But it's really killed the last shreds of respect I had for the decision makers. I will need massive quantities of imaginary heart shaped confetti to help me through the next couple of months. I'm sure it will be yet another lesson in patience and self-control. If that's the case, I cannot even imagine what the Universe has in store for me which will require mastering that particular lesson first!
At any rate, I did have a good time dancing and visiting with my friends. They always make me feel so loved!!! The day ended on a very positive note in spite of it all. (although the ex-contractor finally crawled back out from under his rock to send me a text saying he'd filed for bankruptcy today and to thank me for getting back to him. Some people just never get it! I'm glad I stopped responding. It really wasn't worth dragging out. He was going to do whatever he felt he needed to and I was going to let his license be revoked unless he paid up!)
My gratitudes for tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I have learned to walk away from a losing situation and avoid pointless pissing matches.
2. I am grateful for my dancing and my dance friends who understand the need to let go of what might otherwise fester and just enjoy happy people and happy dancing.
3. I am grateful for many new opportunities to live my life as I choose.
4. I am grateful that the world is filled with positive, giving people.
5. I am grateful for a warm loving, open heart which looks forward to the next bend in the road with excited anticipation and joy.
Love and light.
If you answered A, you're a rational, clear thinking human being. But the correct answer here is B. And the expectation is that her workload will be "easily absorbed" (I believe at one point he even wrote in an email that she could just wave a magic wand and Poof! it would be done!) by her assistant and the Controller who was recently told that she didn't have enough work to do.
Needless to say, I'm so angry I could spit, and I am not alone in my very rational disgust with how this whole thing is coming down. I'm starting to believe that they are intentionally trying to kill the company! And even if it isn't conscious, their negative attitudes will do it for them! I learned a long time ago that if you go around saying "this isn't going to work." or "we probably don't have a chance at winning this". By cracky! The Universe will happily grant your wish!!!
Not only that, this individual is the one person I could always count on to be fair and reasonable. If she believed I was right, she'd stand up for me, and if she believed I was wrong, she wasn't afraid to tell me so! I trust her on HR related subjects. She has a great deal of experience and truly wants to protect the company who employs her. It's just that some people don't want to be protected from either their greed or their stupidity.
But, as with everything, there is a good side to this. I am being reminded to keep my thoughts positive and my intentions clear! Even though I don't have the details outlined clearly, I am renewing my focus on a career that will enable me to telecommute at least 80% of the time and which will allow me to learn and grow and continue developing my skills and talents to their fullest potential. This whole sordid situation renews my desire for association with people who truly understand what service is, and that doesn't mean bending over and letting your customers kick you in the ass. They understand that the people you work with, for and who work for you are also customers, and if they are mistreated or abused, or are allowed to mistreat or abuse others, you're setting up a culture which can only be dysfunctional. As a very wise man said recently "the people who work for/with me don't have to like me, but they do have to trust me, and the only way they will do that is if I treat them with respect."
Fortunately, some of us actually do stand up for each other and do our best to help wherever we can. I know she'll come out better for this experience, and the layoff may just be the kick in the pants she needed to get out of an abusive situation. But it's really killed the last shreds of respect I had for the decision makers. I will need massive quantities of imaginary heart shaped confetti to help me through the next couple of months. I'm sure it will be yet another lesson in patience and self-control. If that's the case, I cannot even imagine what the Universe has in store for me which will require mastering that particular lesson first!
At any rate, I did have a good time dancing and visiting with my friends. They always make me feel so loved!!! The day ended on a very positive note in spite of it all. (although the ex-contractor finally crawled back out from under his rock to send me a text saying he'd filed for bankruptcy today and to thank me for getting back to him. Some people just never get it! I'm glad I stopped responding. It really wasn't worth dragging out. He was going to do whatever he felt he needed to and I was going to let his license be revoked unless he paid up!)
My gratitudes for tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I have learned to walk away from a losing situation and avoid pointless pissing matches.
2. I am grateful for my dancing and my dance friends who understand the need to let go of what might otherwise fester and just enjoy happy people and happy dancing.
3. I am grateful for many new opportunities to live my life as I choose.
4. I am grateful that the world is filled with positive, giving people.
5. I am grateful for a warm loving, open heart which looks forward to the next bend in the road with excited anticipation and joy.
Love and light.
October 31, 2012 Universal wake up calls
Today I learned that my cousin Karen who was born 11 days before I was lost her 7 year battle with breast cancer. My first thought was how very sad it was for her family but my second was gratitude for how fortunate I have been, health-wise compared to Karen and her family. Granted, her parents are still alive and mine are not, but her parents and her sisters have all had their share of health problems. Who am I to say which is better? Alive with issues or dead without? Either way, all of them, my parents included, made their choices as to which they believed was better, and acted upon them. They are all courageous in their own way, and that way is theirs and theirs alone, not to be judged or criticized, simply to be accepted and loved. At any rate, I wish for Karen's mother, father, sisters, husband, children, nieces, nephews, grandchildren...all who were fortunate enough to have had her touch their lives, healing energy to help them accept the loss of her physical self, and the understanding that her Spirit will always be with them. Although we have not really been connected since the death of my mother, I am still experiencing a feeling of loss. For the first 35 or so years of my life, our families were very connected, almost intertwined. I was very close with her younger sister and our families celebrated a lot of holidays together. The rift of the last 19 years cannot change that.
On a more selfish note, I am reminded that I haven't gone in for a checkup for over a year, and I've promised myself that when I finish with the physical therapy for my knee next week, I will make an appointment to see my OB/GYN and correct that particular problem!
I also learned today (or actually, was reminded) that grown men have tantrums and direct them at the ones who make them the most uncomfortable. The underlying reason may not be readily apparent, but the irrational anger and stubbornness of a thwarted four-year-old sure doesn't change when that four-year-old reaches adulthood. But I continue to gain insight into the inner workings of those around me, and although I don't actually understand their behaviour, I do understand what is behind it, and why people surround themselves with others in like circumstances because it makes them feel safe. Men who are dominated by their wives feel most comfortable surrounded by more of the same, while they get itchy and twitchy around strong women in their work environment, even while they understand the need to have them there! It's kind of like kids who were given caster oil when they were growing up. It tasted nasty and they hated it, but since Mom told them it was good for them, they tolerated it.
I know this is just another step in my learning process to ready me to call my own shots and carve out my own path. Clearly, I need to solidify not only my skills but my abilities to lead and communicate those skills and abilities to others. I am tasked to use this time wisely as it is limited and things could undergo drastic changes at any time. At the moment, it's being called "restructuring" but I have been through enough downsizings and reorganizations to understand the story beneath the fancy words. If nothing else, the next 6-12 months promise to be an E ticket ride in a lot of ways.
As I continue to ramble through tonight's post, it occurs to me that ex-contractor may have finally gotten the message that I've said all I'm going to say to him until such time as I receive full payment as prescribed by the arbitrator. Attempts to regain my trust have finally ceased. Could it be that my lack of response finally penetrated his impaired brain? Let's hope so! At this point, he'll either find a way to come up with the full amount or his license will be revoked. It is his choice, and his choice alone which it will be. In the meantime, I throw imaginary confetti hearts at him. It may not smooth his path or cheer him up, but it amuses me completely!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my principles and my commitment to sticking to them.
2. I am grateful beyond belief for my good health!
3. I am grateful for endless opportunities to grow and thrive.
4. I am grateful for peace and harmony at home and at work.
5. I am grateful for friends who have my back and who allow me to have theirs.
Love and light
On a more selfish note, I am reminded that I haven't gone in for a checkup for over a year, and I've promised myself that when I finish with the physical therapy for my knee next week, I will make an appointment to see my OB/GYN and correct that particular problem!
I also learned today (or actually, was reminded) that grown men have tantrums and direct them at the ones who make them the most uncomfortable. The underlying reason may not be readily apparent, but the irrational anger and stubbornness of a thwarted four-year-old sure doesn't change when that four-year-old reaches adulthood. But I continue to gain insight into the inner workings of those around me, and although I don't actually understand their behaviour, I do understand what is behind it, and why people surround themselves with others in like circumstances because it makes them feel safe. Men who are dominated by their wives feel most comfortable surrounded by more of the same, while they get itchy and twitchy around strong women in their work environment, even while they understand the need to have them there! It's kind of like kids who were given caster oil when they were growing up. It tasted nasty and they hated it, but since Mom told them it was good for them, they tolerated it.
I know this is just another step in my learning process to ready me to call my own shots and carve out my own path. Clearly, I need to solidify not only my skills but my abilities to lead and communicate those skills and abilities to others. I am tasked to use this time wisely as it is limited and things could undergo drastic changes at any time. At the moment, it's being called "restructuring" but I have been through enough downsizings and reorganizations to understand the story beneath the fancy words. If nothing else, the next 6-12 months promise to be an E ticket ride in a lot of ways.
As I continue to ramble through tonight's post, it occurs to me that ex-contractor may have finally gotten the message that I've said all I'm going to say to him until such time as I receive full payment as prescribed by the arbitrator. Attempts to regain my trust have finally ceased. Could it be that my lack of response finally penetrated his impaired brain? Let's hope so! At this point, he'll either find a way to come up with the full amount or his license will be revoked. It is his choice, and his choice alone which it will be. In the meantime, I throw imaginary confetti hearts at him. It may not smooth his path or cheer him up, but it amuses me completely!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my principles and my commitment to sticking to them.
2. I am grateful beyond belief for my good health!
3. I am grateful for endless opportunities to grow and thrive.
4. I am grateful for peace and harmony at home and at work.
5. I am grateful for friends who have my back and who allow me to have theirs.
Love and light
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
October 30, 2012 Friends and lessons
I discovered today that sometimes, instead of struggling with a lesson, the best thing to do is ask for help. Now, those who know me are aware that asking for help is one of the hardest things for me to do. So by posting my frustration with my inability to get past people who push my buttons and how I allow them to make me react, I inadvertently asked for, and received help from friends who read this blog. Not only did I get some great ideas for working past my issues, I actually learned a different lesson in the process! Asking for help does not make one weaker, in fact, it makes you stronger because you get the benefit of a whole different perspective and other brains to help work through a problem and make it a challenge you can succeed at! And the Universe strikes again!
At any rate, a friend suggested imagining throwing handfuls of heart shaped confetti at those who make me nuts, not only at the time of nutso making, but every time they come to mind for any reason. I tried this with the two co-workers and lo and behold, I found myself being very cheerful, but carefully guarded with them today. In fact, while walking by one's office, I offered a very cheerful "good morning!" and saw him almost choke on the sandwich he was eating. I'm afraid I shocked him with my cheerfulness! That, in and of itself is a major bonus! So here's to tossing handfuls of heart shaped confetti on anything and anyone which causes me even the slightest amount of annoyance, aggravation or stress! Because with imaginary heart shaped confetti, the stress evaporates in, well, a cloud of confetti!
On another topic, I had just about made it to the end of the day without another text from the ex-contractor when I picked up my phone to make a call around 7PM and found that he had, indeed, not gotten the message when I refrained from answering his last text. Although he "gave me until Monday to change my mind because he likes me", he has now waited yet another day to file for bankruptcy and is now offering to make a good faith payment of $2000 if only I will agree to get the state to unsuspend his license. More heart shaped confetti was flung his way, even as I laughed at how, when he had the opportunity to make good, he didn't, and now that he's under the gun, it's my responsibility to fix things! It reminds me of the issue with my daughter, Jenni which cost me a 30 year friendship because I refused to fix something I'd warned her against doing in the first place! Maybe I'm cold and unfeeling to these people, but the choices they make are for the purpose of learning lessons. It is NOT my place to deprive them of those lessons! In fact, I would be doing them a serious disservice. It reminds me of the story of the man who snipped off the top of a cocoon to help a butterfly emerge, only to find that the butterfly came out malformed because squeezing out of the cocoon in its own time was part of what was required for it to be a healthy, thriving butterfly.
That is not to say that I would refuse to help someone who was truly in need. But when someone gets themself into a fix which they could have prevented had they chosen differently, then expects others to bail them out, I have to politely decline the invitation. And many people have learned, to their dismay, that badgering me is the worst way to gain my assistance. No, it's the second worst, now that I think about it. Lying to me is the worst!!! Call me mean, but I just don't respond to hard sell salespeople, liars or whiners. Be straight with me, and I'm loyal as the day is long. Otherwise, I'm sorry, but I'm just not your girl!!
I will be the first to admit that I am not the easiest person to have around, but I guarantee that I will, at times, shake things up and make those around me think!
At any rate, I've added another step up on learning the lesson of allowing others to help, of asking for that help. I've gained some insight into how I might keep my cool in not so cool situations, and feel really good about sticking to my guns with regard to what's right. I told my daughter tonight that, although I really want to get my money back, I won't do it at the expense of allowing a disreputable person to get away with not fulfilling their obligations. The terms of the binding arbitration which we both agreed to were that he either paid me in full within the stated time, or his license is revoked. He utilized all of the delays available to him, from delaying the hearing for a month to using the 60 days between the decision and the suspension date, and now he's used 60 of the 90 days they so generously gave him between suspension and revocation. It is not my plan to thwart the due process. However, I do wish him well, and hope that he is kinder and more honest with people after this.
One other thing I forgot to mention. I learned tonight that one of the cousins I stopped hearing from after my Mom's death is fighting what may be her last fight of a 7 year battle with cancer. She is 11 days older than I am. My heart goes out to her and her family, her parents, her two sisters, her children and all of the extended family tonight. I wish her a minimum of pain, and if at all possible, a complete recovery. I wish I had known sooner and might have sent healing energy to her earlier. I realize that what I send now may be too little, too late, but I hope that, if nothing else, it eases some of her pain.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for friends who recognize a request for help even when I, myself, don't even realize that's what I'm doing.
2. I am grateful for unique solutions to seemingly insurmountable obstacles.
3. I am grateful for my health.
4. I am grateful for a really great physical therapist who pushes me harder and harder every week! I know that today's hurt will become a much faster healing than I could have had on my own!
5. I am grateful for so many opportunities to learn new lessons and master old ones.
Love and light.
At any rate, a friend suggested imagining throwing handfuls of heart shaped confetti at those who make me nuts, not only at the time of nutso making, but every time they come to mind for any reason. I tried this with the two co-workers and lo and behold, I found myself being very cheerful, but carefully guarded with them today. In fact, while walking by one's office, I offered a very cheerful "good morning!" and saw him almost choke on the sandwich he was eating. I'm afraid I shocked him with my cheerfulness! That, in and of itself is a major bonus! So here's to tossing handfuls of heart shaped confetti on anything and anyone which causes me even the slightest amount of annoyance, aggravation or stress! Because with imaginary heart shaped confetti, the stress evaporates in, well, a cloud of confetti!
On another topic, I had just about made it to the end of the day without another text from the ex-contractor when I picked up my phone to make a call around 7PM and found that he had, indeed, not gotten the message when I refrained from answering his last text. Although he "gave me until Monday to change my mind because he likes me", he has now waited yet another day to file for bankruptcy and is now offering to make a good faith payment of $2000 if only I will agree to get the state to unsuspend his license. More heart shaped confetti was flung his way, even as I laughed at how, when he had the opportunity to make good, he didn't, and now that he's under the gun, it's my responsibility to fix things! It reminds me of the issue with my daughter, Jenni which cost me a 30 year friendship because I refused to fix something I'd warned her against doing in the first place! Maybe I'm cold and unfeeling to these people, but the choices they make are for the purpose of learning lessons. It is NOT my place to deprive them of those lessons! In fact, I would be doing them a serious disservice. It reminds me of the story of the man who snipped off the top of a cocoon to help a butterfly emerge, only to find that the butterfly came out malformed because squeezing out of the cocoon in its own time was part of what was required for it to be a healthy, thriving butterfly.
That is not to say that I would refuse to help someone who was truly in need. But when someone gets themself into a fix which they could have prevented had they chosen differently, then expects others to bail them out, I have to politely decline the invitation. And many people have learned, to their dismay, that badgering me is the worst way to gain my assistance. No, it's the second worst, now that I think about it. Lying to me is the worst!!! Call me mean, but I just don't respond to hard sell salespeople, liars or whiners. Be straight with me, and I'm loyal as the day is long. Otherwise, I'm sorry, but I'm just not your girl!!
I will be the first to admit that I am not the easiest person to have around, but I guarantee that I will, at times, shake things up and make those around me think!
At any rate, I've added another step up on learning the lesson of allowing others to help, of asking for that help. I've gained some insight into how I might keep my cool in not so cool situations, and feel really good about sticking to my guns with regard to what's right. I told my daughter tonight that, although I really want to get my money back, I won't do it at the expense of allowing a disreputable person to get away with not fulfilling their obligations. The terms of the binding arbitration which we both agreed to were that he either paid me in full within the stated time, or his license is revoked. He utilized all of the delays available to him, from delaying the hearing for a month to using the 60 days between the decision and the suspension date, and now he's used 60 of the 90 days they so generously gave him between suspension and revocation. It is not my plan to thwart the due process. However, I do wish him well, and hope that he is kinder and more honest with people after this.
One other thing I forgot to mention. I learned tonight that one of the cousins I stopped hearing from after my Mom's death is fighting what may be her last fight of a 7 year battle with cancer. She is 11 days older than I am. My heart goes out to her and her family, her parents, her two sisters, her children and all of the extended family tonight. I wish her a minimum of pain, and if at all possible, a complete recovery. I wish I had known sooner and might have sent healing energy to her earlier. I realize that what I send now may be too little, too late, but I hope that, if nothing else, it eases some of her pain.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for friends who recognize a request for help even when I, myself, don't even realize that's what I'm doing.
2. I am grateful for unique solutions to seemingly insurmountable obstacles.
3. I am grateful for my health.
4. I am grateful for a really great physical therapist who pushes me harder and harder every week! I know that today's hurt will become a much faster healing than I could have had on my own!
5. I am grateful for so many opportunities to learn new lessons and master old ones.
Love and light.
Monday, October 29, 2012
October 29, 2012 Lessons revisited
Today I did something I keep swearing I won't allow myself to do again! I allowed two difficult people to make me react. I keep talking to myself and trying to be calm and listen, but these two people just seem to bring out the worst in me! I know this is a lesson which keeps repeating because I need to learn from it, but despite my best intentions, I just blow it! I allow them to frustrate me and exhaust me and drive me to distraction and frankly, neither of them is worth even a single breath of my time! So why do I keep allowing this to happen? I'm better than this! Besides patience, I'm sure there is a lesson I'm supposed to be getting out of this, but I am either oblivious or just plain stupid when it comes to this particular lesson, and that infuriates me even more!!! Granted, this time, I managed to actually make some valid points, but I still reacted first, and I am really tired of doing that! But what to do to fix it continues to elude me! What's even worse is that I couldn't even manage to meditate today as is my habit. I just couldn't settle, and a mental rant wasn't enough to relax me into a nice, calming meditation. I need to find another outlet before I just haul off and bop one of them in the shnoz!!
Thankfully, I came home to a quiet house and snuggly kitties, which calmed me down some, but I am still frustrated with myself and desperately want to do better. I even try sending love and light to these people, but the trouble is, I can't manage to do it sincerely so it is, of course, ineffective. I've even tried just keeping my door closed all day, but it's just not enough to avoid the negative energy, nor to keep me from exuding some of my own which further annoys me. OK, so I'm allowing myself to get into a downward spiralling cycle, and only I can reverse it. At the moment, having two days a week of morning Physical Therapy is a huge blessing as I get in a bit later in the day and have that many fewer hours in that environment. I know I should do something to improve it. Perhaps I should bring some flowers in tomorrow to cheer up my office?
I am going to put some serious thought into reversing the pattern of negativity in my office. I even left the house today thinking that it was going to be a wonderful day. I guess that kept it from being completely horrible, so starting the day with positive thoughts sure doesn't hurt. I just need to find a way to sustain them through any and all kinds of aggravation.
So for tonight, I will forgive myself, yet again, for reacting. I will endeavor to hold positive thoughts, regardless of the provocation, and I will give my kitties some extra love tonight, just for being there.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for forgiveness as I find many occasions to forgive myself my transgressions.
2. I am grateful for kitty love that washes away even the worst days.
3. I am grateful for my Physical Therapist who is getting me past the temporary limitations.
4. I am grateful for the ability to write and get negative thoughts out of myself, leaving plenty of room for joy and goodness.
5. I am grateful for the abundance of positive energy being sent to the east coast to help protect people and animals from the worst of the hurricane.
Love and light.
Thankfully, I came home to a quiet house and snuggly kitties, which calmed me down some, but I am still frustrated with myself and desperately want to do better. I even try sending love and light to these people, but the trouble is, I can't manage to do it sincerely so it is, of course, ineffective. I've even tried just keeping my door closed all day, but it's just not enough to avoid the negative energy, nor to keep me from exuding some of my own which further annoys me. OK, so I'm allowing myself to get into a downward spiralling cycle, and only I can reverse it. At the moment, having two days a week of morning Physical Therapy is a huge blessing as I get in a bit later in the day and have that many fewer hours in that environment. I know I should do something to improve it. Perhaps I should bring some flowers in tomorrow to cheer up my office?
I am going to put some serious thought into reversing the pattern of negativity in my office. I even left the house today thinking that it was going to be a wonderful day. I guess that kept it from being completely horrible, so starting the day with positive thoughts sure doesn't hurt. I just need to find a way to sustain them through any and all kinds of aggravation.
So for tonight, I will forgive myself, yet again, for reacting. I will endeavor to hold positive thoughts, regardless of the provocation, and I will give my kitties some extra love tonight, just for being there.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for forgiveness as I find many occasions to forgive myself my transgressions.
2. I am grateful for kitty love that washes away even the worst days.
3. I am grateful for my Physical Therapist who is getting me past the temporary limitations.
4. I am grateful for the ability to write and get negative thoughts out of myself, leaving plenty of room for joy and goodness.
5. I am grateful for the abundance of positive energy being sent to the east coast to help protect people and animals from the worst of the hurricane.
Love and light.
October 28, 2012 Over doing it soooo good!
Between last night's dancing,and today's errands and weight lifting, courtesy of the 40 pound boxes of cat sand, my knee has definitely been happier, but even so, by the time I got back from a wonderful evening with friends and the Dukes of Doo Wop, I didn't even need to ice it! Another sign that full recovery isn't far away!
At any rate, this will be extremely short as I'm exhausted (didn't even make up breakfast and lunch for tomorrow) and almost didn't get this written at all.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for new experiences.
2. I am grateful for completed chores.
3. I am grateful for sunny days and blue skies.
4. I am grateful for continued improvement in the healthy and fit department.
5. I am grateful for abundance and being able to do whatever I want to do.
Love and light.
At any rate, this will be extremely short as I'm exhausted (didn't even make up breakfast and lunch for tomorrow) and almost didn't get this written at all.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for new experiences.
2. I am grateful for completed chores.
3. I am grateful for sunny days and blue skies.
4. I am grateful for continued improvement in the healthy and fit department.
5. I am grateful for abundance and being able to do whatever I want to do.
Love and light.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
October 27, 2012 Life's a dance...
Oh my goodness! What an amazing night of dancing!! And it was great fun dancing in a costume this year. OK, so it was pretty much in character, it was still a costume! So many creative people again this year! We had a bullrider and her rodeo clown, complete with bull and barrel, a few pimps and Robin Hoods, the ugliest good fairy I have EVER seen who stood next to the dance floor guzzling beer from a pitcher, a couple of girls in poodle skirts, a spider and her fly, Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf, devils and vampires...oh I could go on and on! Halloween is always so much fun at Borderline, and I always enjoy running around, taking pictures. Of course, when the younger crowd starts coming in around 9:30, the amount of clothing worn diminishes rapidly! I think a few of the older guys hang around just to see the show!! Naughty nurses and schoolgirls seem to make old guys crazy! :)
I manage about a 50 minute meditation this afternoon until Toby decided that I would make a good bed provided I also skritch him just so. I focused, at the beginning on sending love and light to the ex contractor in hopes that he would stop texting me, thinking that I'd actually do anything to help him out of the predicament he got himself into by being unscrupulous. On the good side, I had a very nice meditation with some interesting visuals. But on the down side, the moron texted me again before I left for Borderline, but the real kicker was the ones I got after I got there. After telling me earlier in the day that he would put my name on his bankruptcy (as well he should since I am, essentially, a creditor), he actually sent me a text telling me that, since he liked me, he was going to give me until Monday to change my mind about helping him out. Seriously???? I'm becoming convinced that he left his brains in an ash tray back in the 60's! But I realized that responding to his texts was just giving him false hope, so I have responded to his pleas for the last time. I suspect that there will be some abuse before long when he realizes that he cannot manage to cajole me into forgetting about the lies he's been telling and the nonsense he's been pulling for over a year now. I told him that he'd made his bed and should now lie in it like a man. I won't tell him again. I guess there are some people who learn from their mistakes and others who can't even admit to themselves that they erred. Do they go through their life making the same mistakes over and over and just shifting the blame to someone else? Do they ever learn the lesson or do they come back, lifetime after lifetime, repeating themselves for eternity? Wouldn't it be kinder to just bring them back as a water buffalo for a change, and let them live a life of service, and of having the crap kicked out of them when they don't perform?
I don't profess to understand all of the machinations of the Universe. But I do know that love begets love and crap begets crap. But if you don't recognize crap for what it is, how can you ever get away from it to find the love? I refuse to believe that some souls are destined to always live with crap and never with love. There had to be some point in their lives when they did something worth saving.
I suppose the solution for me is to continue sending him love and light and hope that some of it finally gets through. I can help him that way because I know that giving him what he thinks he wants right now would not help him at all because removing the consequence denies him the chance to learn the lesson and move on to something new and different.
Tonight's gratitudes are:
1. I am grateful that I am able to learn the lessons put before me.
2. I am grateful that I was given a sense of humor, albeit warped, with which to view life and it's twists and turns.
3. I am grateful for all of the loving that has come into my life, and will never, ever take it for granted!
4. I am grateful for another fun and long night of dancing.
5. I am grateful for my thin legs which remind my body of the fitness it is achieving, one day at a time.
Love and light.
I manage about a 50 minute meditation this afternoon until Toby decided that I would make a good bed provided I also skritch him just so. I focused, at the beginning on sending love and light to the ex contractor in hopes that he would stop texting me, thinking that I'd actually do anything to help him out of the predicament he got himself into by being unscrupulous. On the good side, I had a very nice meditation with some interesting visuals. But on the down side, the moron texted me again before I left for Borderline, but the real kicker was the ones I got after I got there. After telling me earlier in the day that he would put my name on his bankruptcy (as well he should since I am, essentially, a creditor), he actually sent me a text telling me that, since he liked me, he was going to give me until Monday to change my mind about helping him out. Seriously???? I'm becoming convinced that he left his brains in an ash tray back in the 60's! But I realized that responding to his texts was just giving him false hope, so I have responded to his pleas for the last time. I suspect that there will be some abuse before long when he realizes that he cannot manage to cajole me into forgetting about the lies he's been telling and the nonsense he's been pulling for over a year now. I told him that he'd made his bed and should now lie in it like a man. I won't tell him again. I guess there are some people who learn from their mistakes and others who can't even admit to themselves that they erred. Do they go through their life making the same mistakes over and over and just shifting the blame to someone else? Do they ever learn the lesson or do they come back, lifetime after lifetime, repeating themselves for eternity? Wouldn't it be kinder to just bring them back as a water buffalo for a change, and let them live a life of service, and of having the crap kicked out of them when they don't perform?
I don't profess to understand all of the machinations of the Universe. But I do know that love begets love and crap begets crap. But if you don't recognize crap for what it is, how can you ever get away from it to find the love? I refuse to believe that some souls are destined to always live with crap and never with love. There had to be some point in their lives when they did something worth saving.
I suppose the solution for me is to continue sending him love and light and hope that some of it finally gets through. I can help him that way because I know that giving him what he thinks he wants right now would not help him at all because removing the consequence denies him the chance to learn the lesson and move on to something new and different.
Tonight's gratitudes are:
1. I am grateful that I am able to learn the lessons put before me.
2. I am grateful that I was given a sense of humor, albeit warped, with which to view life and it's twists and turns.
3. I am grateful for all of the loving that has come into my life, and will never, ever take it for granted!
4. I am grateful for another fun and long night of dancing.
5. I am grateful for my thin legs which remind my body of the fitness it is achieving, one day at a time.
Love and light.
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