In the last 15 days, I've experienced a dramatic upswing in readership and comments to my blog. The reason, of course, is obvious, but the result has far exceeded my expectations.
It seems, though, that traffic increases most dramatically when I read and post on other people's blogs. I've particularly noticed that some blogs provide a place for name and website when comments are left, but have not figured out how to do that here. A quick browse through the help section yielded nothing useful, so I'll just have to hope that someone reads this, takes pity on me and gives me some guidance.
Tonight, I decided to do things a little backwards and read a few posts before writing my own. It wasn't that I hoped for inspiration, because I don't really plan out what I'm going to write from one day to the next anyway. I just wanted to read what others were writing before I got sidetracked and didn't take the time.
I am certainly in the company of some extremely gifted scribblers, although, to be honest, I'm really only reading the posts which grab my attention in the first few lines, or with a catchy title. I would venture to guess that most people do the same. I also try to pay attention to people who leave me comments for a couple of reasons. First, if they're reading my blog, we may have something in common. Second, if they take the time to read my blog, I think it's only polite that I return the favor.
I am, at the moment, particularly interested in posts having to do with writers and writing ( a real no-brainer, I know). I enjoy reading about what inspires other people, but also what they do when their brain just seems to freeze up.
There are days when I can't get my fingers to move fast enough to get all of my thoughts down before they escape into the ether, not unlike the futile attempts to hold onto dreams. But there are those thankfully, rare occasions when I sit down to write, knowing that I have to honor my commitment to myself, and my brain goes "duh!"
Those are the times, IMHO, when true inspiration really strikes, because that is when I disconnect my fingers from my conscious mind and just let them go where they will. And where they go is often someplace I had never dreamed of. Or, to be honest, where they go is most likely someplace I HAVE dreamed of, but don't remember on a conscious level.
I've always believed, and have been shown quite often lately, that there are some amazing stories buried in my subconscious. The real trick is to mine them as I would any other precious gem, bring them out in the rough, then slowly polish them to their true brilliance.
With as much time as I spend writing these days, what I'm really learning, more than anything else, is what will eventually work when I write something more than "The Life and Times of Me". I'm learning that when the time comes, and it will be soon, I will simply hole up either here or in some quiet, remote location, as yet to be determined, and send my conscious mind out for ice cream while my subconscious takes over.
While I don't expect an Abraham, as Jerry and Esther Hicks found, what I do expect to find is that stockpile of stories which, up to now, has been content to manifest itself as dreams, taking me on many a nocturnal adventure from which I awoke saying "Hmmmmmm"
From my often non-Seuss-ical subconscious, I will find the truth in the statement "Oh, the Thinks you can Think..." Though I won't find a Lorax or a Cat in a Hat, I've no doubt that I will find dragons and heroines, murders most vile and fantasies most fanciful.
I am sure to be amazed by whatever decides to flow from my subconscious to my fingers, and with each new discovery, the veil will be pulled aside just a little more until the day comes when conscious and subconscious will come out to play together. That will be the day when Disneyland meets Dr. Doolittle and they dance to the music of Danny Elfman and Glenn Miller.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for whatever pushed me to join the Ultimate Blog Challenge.
2. I am grateful to the many wonderful people who are sharing their thoughts which contribute so greatly to my own motivation and inspiration.
3. I am grateful for my ADHD which, while making it difficult to concentrate on analytical things lately, is taking me on a merry chase through my limitless subconscious world.
4. I am grateful for days like today when just about everything brought me bliss.
5. I am grateful for my writing which I'm coming to find really is my true bliss, or as people are saying these days, my wheelhouse.
Love and light
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
April 15, 2013 The painful side of establishing new, healthy habits
This picture has nothing to do with tonight's topic, but it fit the theme of the last few days, so I had to share it!
Tonight, I'm discussing the establishment of new habits.
Over the last few months (since last August, in fact), I've experienced remarkable success in setting new habits which, in one way or another, benefit my overall health; physical, emotional and mental, as well as improving my life in one way or another.
One area, though, has not met with the same success as, say, blogging every night, fixing my meals for two days at a time, keeping my kitchen picked up, wiped down and neat or a few other, less remarkable changes. This area has to do with exercise, and has always been my downfall. I'll start a regimen and keep it going for a month, or maybe even three, then, like a thief in the night, it's gone!
I exclude my dancing from this category because, while it is wonderful exercise, I need no encouragement to dance at least two if not three or four nights a week. Going to the gym or getting off my butt and doing a Zumba DVD or getting on the Wii Fit are altogether different animals.
Right after I bought the Wii, I was on it almost every day for about three weeks. Since then, I think I've been on it twice. It's not that I don't enjoy the exercises. I really find them fun! But when I get home from work, the couch or the desk chair call my name more loudly than the Wii. Maybe I just need to adjust its volume?
But I am three days into setting that next, new, wonderful, healthy pattern. I went to the gym on Saturday and worked my chest and triceps, following it up with about three hours of dancing on Saturday night. Tonight, I went straight to the gym after work and worked on my back, biceps and shoulders.
This is where I could easily talk myself into a reunion with the couch, as I am a giant mass of sore muscles from my neck to my tailbone. Sitting for long periods is a challenge. Sleeping tonight will definitely be an experience which will, most likely, have all of my cats fleeing to less turbulent venues.
I have a very aggressive plan of attack this time. Monday, back, biceps and shoulders. Tuesday is a day off. Wednesday is a dance night. Thursday is also a dance night. Friday is legs. Saturday morning is chest and triceps and Saturday night is another dance night. This leaves Sunday on which I will observe the Christian day of rest (hey, they do have an idea or two I actually agree with now and then!).
Assuming I make it through the next two weeks without rolling myself up into a whimpering ball of misery, I will be well on my way to manifesting my intention to have a healthy, fit body. And what that can do for my dancing is nothing short of amazing!!!
I'm also incorporating some of the knee exercises into my gym workouts as I have been rather lax about them and the wounded knee has been aching lately. I am a big proponent of listening to your body, but have been giving mine short shrift these days. As anyone who has a body knows, ignoring the warnings can and will result in extremely painful repercussions. I prefer making the adjustments now to paying later because paying usually involves missing out on dancing which, as anyone who knows me will tell you, is just not acceptable!
At any rate, I'm happy to report that I have passed through the doldrums relatively unscathed and am excited about new directions and developments I see coming my way in the next few months.
While meditating this afternoon, my vision was filled, at one point, with a pillar-sized brown candle a good distance away from where I was standing. It was clear, however, that the candle was there to light my path and by keeping it in my sights, I would be successful in manifesting all of the intentions I've set over the last year or so. (Yes, Candy, that includes getting something published!)
Tonight, I focus on that candle and point myself towards both its light and its warmth knowing it represents more than its face value. OK, so I'm turning gently so as not to set off all of the little pain triggers traversing my spine, shoulders, chest and arms, but I'm pointed, believe me!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for finding the motivation to live a healthier life.
2. I am grateful for motivation that comes from loving and supportive friends.
3. I am grateful for how easy I'm experiencing the task of finding a new topic every night upon which to expound.
4. I am grateful for a sense of humor with which to view both my successes and temporary setbacks. (It's only a failure if you don't learn from it and then get right up and try a different tack!)
5. I am grateful that it's bedtime so I can go lie down on my comfy bed and focus on relaxing each painfully tight muscle. No need to tense anything first. They're as taut as they're going to get!
Love and light
Sunday, April 14, 2013
April 14, 2013 Strong women don't need help. Seriously???
I am a strong woman, maybe even too strong in some ways. I raised my daughters alone for most of their lives, held down a job in a high pressure, male dominated environment, was team mom, band mom, taxi driver, doctor and all of the other things that go along with being a single parent. I fought for "me time", not always successfully and was underappreciated by companies who see my job as "burden" and am beaten up regularly for expecting expenses and transactions to be properly documented. I learned the hard way to fix a clogged drain, manage time and stretch a dollar until it squeaks.
What I am still trying to learn, however, is to ask for help and have discovered that I am not alone in this weakness. I have, over the years, had a million reasons for my inability to seek assistance. Here are the top three:
1. Admitting I need help is admitting that I'm weak.
2. If I admit I can't cope alone, I'll lose my tenuous hold on everything.
3. Everyone has their own problems. Why would they want to take on mine too?
Over the years, I have learned that there are several falacies in the logic attached to these excuses (and that really is all they add up to be).
1. Asking for help doesn't make you weak.
2. People need to be needed, and helping someone else takes them out of their own problems for a little while.
3. Asking for help makes you approachable and allows others to seek you out for your own expertise when they are out of their comfort zone.
4. Asking for help opens you up to love and caring which may not fix the problem, but relieves the associated stress and allows you to more clearly think it through to the solution.
I realize that just going to friends and saying "I'm drowning. Can you help me figure this out?" is not something we Strong Woman types do well, much less easily. But there are other ways to accomplish the same thing.
You can depersonalize it by saying something like "What might you do in a situation like this?" or, like me, you can just share what you are feeling in a public forum like this and allow others to decide whether or not they want to offer insight.
Obviously, I prefer the latter, and am finding, much to my incredible joy, that it works amazingly well. For one thing, it gives people the option to answer publicly or privately because I link my posts to Facebook. (Sorry kids, but I have a strange, unexplainable aversion to Twitter and refuse to open an account!). For another, it opens the question up to people with whom I might not normally interact, but who might really have some insight into what I'm experiencing.
People have been telling me lately that it really takes guts to be so open and honest like this, but from my standpoint, it is much easier than having a conversation, face to face, with a friend about it. I'm able to put the feelings out there, edit them before I publish and, to some degree, detach the emotions and just deal with the issue itself. There is also a huge bonus to putting things out here. People may not have a solution, but they offer something infinitely more valuable: Love, Positive Energy and Moral Support.
A side effect of being a Strong Woman is that, invariably, you spend a great deal of time alone. Being reminded that that aloneness is really only on the Material plane and that Spiritually, help and support is there for the asking is an amazing tonic for whatever ails you!
For myself, after writing a heartfelt, sad girl post late last night (which, by the way, is the most read post AND the one with the most comments since inception of my blog!) and waking up to an overwhelming show of support from many different directions, I found myself smiling at everyone and everything when I took myself out for breakfast before grocery shopping. It didn't matter that the day was overcast and threatening rain, I felt so loved that I couldn't help but find that elusive happiness which escaped me last night!
* * * * *
As I began gathering and sorting in preparation for some much needed chores, I found myself thinking: "I guess I might as well get some laundry done so I haven't completely wasted the day." when I realized how much I've actually accomplished!
Sure, I lazed over breakfast but I was reading a book that will, with a little luck and a lot of persistence, help me launch my new career. I got all of the groceries I'll need for the next week (fresh fruits and veggies are much tastier when they're actually fresh!). But the best part of today was in working through yesterday's blue flu with a lot of help from friends, both old and new.
I also spent part of the day reading UBC posts and being further inspired, invigorated and impressed (how's that for an unintentional grouping of "i" words?).
And let us not forget a lovely hour spent meditating and a day spent just hanging out with my furry children, each of whom has stopped by to tell me about their day at least a time or two.
OK, so the bathrooms and the floors didn't get scrubbed as I'd hoped, but there is a lot to be said for "down time" because, in reality, there's nothing "down" about it. It is a time when I do things that uplift me and feed my spirit. Everything I did today helped restore my faith in the most important person in my life: ME!!
These days, I don't have anyone other than the cats depending upon me directly any more. The girls are grown and have their own lives. Although I'm good at my job and people come to me to teach, advise and resolve, they could and would find someone else if I were to decide to leave tomorrow. The company survived without me for about 14 years, after all! What this all means is that I no longer have any reason to feel guilty for spending time on me instead of someone else; for seeing to another's needs before my own. Whatever I do to make myself happy, to make myself a better me, is, to steal a line from Kenny Chesney, "time well wasted".
My gratitudes tonight (and it's going to be tough limiting it to 5!) are:
1. I am grateful for the outpouring of love and support I am receiving.
2. I am grateful that when I am down, there is always someone or something around to chase my blues away.
3. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned, and those yet to come.
4. I am grateful for those who inspire and guide me to my new career path.
5. I am grateful for days that I give to myself.
Love and light.
What I am still trying to learn, however, is to ask for help and have discovered that I am not alone in this weakness. I have, over the years, had a million reasons for my inability to seek assistance. Here are the top three:
1. Admitting I need help is admitting that I'm weak.
2. If I admit I can't cope alone, I'll lose my tenuous hold on everything.
3. Everyone has their own problems. Why would they want to take on mine too?
Over the years, I have learned that there are several falacies in the logic attached to these excuses (and that really is all they add up to be).
1. Asking for help doesn't make you weak.
2. People need to be needed, and helping someone else takes them out of their own problems for a little while.
3. Asking for help makes you approachable and allows others to seek you out for your own expertise when they are out of their comfort zone.
4. Asking for help opens you up to love and caring which may not fix the problem, but relieves the associated stress and allows you to more clearly think it through to the solution.
I realize that just going to friends and saying "I'm drowning. Can you help me figure this out?" is not something we Strong Woman types do well, much less easily. But there are other ways to accomplish the same thing.
You can depersonalize it by saying something like "What might you do in a situation like this?" or, like me, you can just share what you are feeling in a public forum like this and allow others to decide whether or not they want to offer insight.
Obviously, I prefer the latter, and am finding, much to my incredible joy, that it works amazingly well. For one thing, it gives people the option to answer publicly or privately because I link my posts to Facebook. (Sorry kids, but I have a strange, unexplainable aversion to Twitter and refuse to open an account!). For another, it opens the question up to people with whom I might not normally interact, but who might really have some insight into what I'm experiencing.
People have been telling me lately that it really takes guts to be so open and honest like this, but from my standpoint, it is much easier than having a conversation, face to face, with a friend about it. I'm able to put the feelings out there, edit them before I publish and, to some degree, detach the emotions and just deal with the issue itself. There is also a huge bonus to putting things out here. People may not have a solution, but they offer something infinitely more valuable: Love, Positive Energy and Moral Support.
A side effect of being a Strong Woman is that, invariably, you spend a great deal of time alone. Being reminded that that aloneness is really only on the Material plane and that Spiritually, help and support is there for the asking is an amazing tonic for whatever ails you!
For myself, after writing a heartfelt, sad girl post late last night (which, by the way, is the most read post AND the one with the most comments since inception of my blog!) and waking up to an overwhelming show of support from many different directions, I found myself smiling at everyone and everything when I took myself out for breakfast before grocery shopping. It didn't matter that the day was overcast and threatening rain, I felt so loved that I couldn't help but find that elusive happiness which escaped me last night!
* * * * *
As I began gathering and sorting in preparation for some much needed chores, I found myself thinking: "I guess I might as well get some laundry done so I haven't completely wasted the day." when I realized how much I've actually accomplished!
Sure, I lazed over breakfast but I was reading a book that will, with a little luck and a lot of persistence, help me launch my new career. I got all of the groceries I'll need for the next week (fresh fruits and veggies are much tastier when they're actually fresh!). But the best part of today was in working through yesterday's blue flu with a lot of help from friends, both old and new.
I also spent part of the day reading UBC posts and being further inspired, invigorated and impressed (how's that for an unintentional grouping of "i" words?).
And let us not forget a lovely hour spent meditating and a day spent just hanging out with my furry children, each of whom has stopped by to tell me about their day at least a time or two.
OK, so the bathrooms and the floors didn't get scrubbed as I'd hoped, but there is a lot to be said for "down time" because, in reality, there's nothing "down" about it. It is a time when I do things that uplift me and feed my spirit. Everything I did today helped restore my faith in the most important person in my life: ME!!
These days, I don't have anyone other than the cats depending upon me directly any more. The girls are grown and have their own lives. Although I'm good at my job and people come to me to teach, advise and resolve, they could and would find someone else if I were to decide to leave tomorrow. The company survived without me for about 14 years, after all! What this all means is that I no longer have any reason to feel guilty for spending time on me instead of someone else; for seeing to another's needs before my own. Whatever I do to make myself happy, to make myself a better me, is, to steal a line from Kenny Chesney, "time well wasted".
My gratitudes tonight (and it's going to be tough limiting it to 5!) are:
1. I am grateful for the outpouring of love and support I am receiving.
2. I am grateful that when I am down, there is always someone or something around to chase my blues away.
3. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned, and those yet to come.
4. I am grateful for those who inspire and guide me to my new career path.
5. I am grateful for days that I give to myself.
Love and light.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
April 13, 2013 Finding the blessing in the pity party.
Today was an upside down and backwards kind of day.
I realize that's a rather odd statement, but if you hang out with me for a bit, I'll explain.
By midday, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I'd finally made it back to the gym and worked out until my muscles were shaking (which, by the way, is a GOOD thing!). I realized afterwards that I had inadvertently gone back to my old routine which had two days of upper body and one of legs which gave me a good excuse to go back tomorrow and do the other half of my upper body!
By 1:00 I had worked out, gotten all of my errands run and even had time to meditate and grab a light lunch before heading out to get my hair done, and then head for my usual Saturday night dancing. But this is where things began to go awry.
Having skipped the wedding which began around 1 ish, I arrived to find all of the country dancing wedding guests in great spirits, and the spirits they consumed didn't hurt either! As they'd been together for several hours already, they had established a wonderful camaraderie...which I didn't share. Not that they weren't happy to see me and did their best to include me, I just didn't share the wedding bliss that they all had in common tonight.
I also felt, more strongly than ever tonight, that I was neither part of a couple nor part of a close knit group of friends who hangs out together, both at the club and elsewhere. The couples exchange phone numbers and get together to do couple things. The groups of friends have their own activities and connections.
Stepping back, I realized that it wasn't just me who fell into this no-man's-land. There are a few of us who arrive at the club alone, maybe hang with a few people here and there, but leave alone and just haven't connected socially with anyone outside of Thursday and Saturday nights. (It's funny, while I'm typing, I have a cat headbonking my leg and another trying desperately to insinuate himself between me and the keyboard. They know I'm not my usual self and want to help in any way they can!)
Knowing I'm not exactly alone, however, is not making this feeling of isolation any better. As people began leaving, blaming exhaustion from too many hours of dancing, I felt myself sinking lower and lower until, driving home, I felt close to tears. Because it didn't make sense to me, I became angry with myself for an emotion that didn't make sense. But as I've told my kids for years, your feelings are your feelings. They don't have to make sense, and mine most certainly do not make sense right now!
For awhile, I was able to take myself to a place where someone cherished me and was holding me while we chatted with everyone else, but I found it hard to hang on to that feeling for very long. What I felt most strongly was lack and, of course, that pissed me off even more! Feeling lack attracts lack and what I want to attract is love, affection and cherishing, not the lack thereof!
So what's going on here? Are my cosmos aligned all wrong? Have I stepped into an alternate universe? Has something sucked all of the positive energy out of me? Whatever the cause, it is NOT acceptable and I will not stand for this feeling of lack, this feeling of disonnectedness, this feeling of not belonging!!!
I'm taking some comfort in stroking my big, fluffy Weejie who has sprawled across my desk, and in scratching the calico who is headbonking my leg under the chin while she purrs hear little head off. Comfort, yes, but a solution to this rather disturbing turn of events, no,.
I really need an immediate infusion of positivity. OK, let's see. Blessings. Count them.
1. I have a roof over my head and sufficient food on my table.
2. I have a wonderful daughter and son-in-law who make sure that I'm always ok.
3. I have some great friends who inspire me.
4. I have cats who love me and share my life.
5. I have dancing which feeds my soul.
6. I have my writing which pushes me to do better.
7. I have a job which lets me use my mind and improve my skills in many ways.
8. I am healthy.
I was going to type "I am happy" for number 9, but I just couldn't do it because, right now, I am not happy. The stupid thing is, I don't have any real reason for being unhappy, much less close to tears, but there you have it.
As I just can't blessing myself out of this funk tonight, I guess I'll sleep on it, hoping that whatever is missing will come to me while I'm dreaming one of my memorably dysfunctional dreams and that a hard workout tomorrow will dispell the rest.
Contrary to the title, then, I haven't really found the blessing in the pity party yet, but I'm sure that I will, given enough time.
Meanwhile,
1. I am grateful for the love of my cats.
2. I am grateful for an outlet, even when I'm gloomy and doomy,
3. I am grateful for friendships, old, new and yet to come.
4. I am grateful for the joy I feel while dancing.
5. I am grateful for epiphanies.
Love and light
I realize that's a rather odd statement, but if you hang out with me for a bit, I'll explain.
By midday, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I'd finally made it back to the gym and worked out until my muscles were shaking (which, by the way, is a GOOD thing!). I realized afterwards that I had inadvertently gone back to my old routine which had two days of upper body and one of legs which gave me a good excuse to go back tomorrow and do the other half of my upper body!
By 1:00 I had worked out, gotten all of my errands run and even had time to meditate and grab a light lunch before heading out to get my hair done, and then head for my usual Saturday night dancing. But this is where things began to go awry.
Having skipped the wedding which began around 1 ish, I arrived to find all of the country dancing wedding guests in great spirits, and the spirits they consumed didn't hurt either! As they'd been together for several hours already, they had established a wonderful camaraderie...which I didn't share. Not that they weren't happy to see me and did their best to include me, I just didn't share the wedding bliss that they all had in common tonight.
I also felt, more strongly than ever tonight, that I was neither part of a couple nor part of a close knit group of friends who hangs out together, both at the club and elsewhere. The couples exchange phone numbers and get together to do couple things. The groups of friends have their own activities and connections.
Stepping back, I realized that it wasn't just me who fell into this no-man's-land. There are a few of us who arrive at the club alone, maybe hang with a few people here and there, but leave alone and just haven't connected socially with anyone outside of Thursday and Saturday nights. (It's funny, while I'm typing, I have a cat headbonking my leg and another trying desperately to insinuate himself between me and the keyboard. They know I'm not my usual self and want to help in any way they can!)
Knowing I'm not exactly alone, however, is not making this feeling of isolation any better. As people began leaving, blaming exhaustion from too many hours of dancing, I felt myself sinking lower and lower until, driving home, I felt close to tears. Because it didn't make sense to me, I became angry with myself for an emotion that didn't make sense. But as I've told my kids for years, your feelings are your feelings. They don't have to make sense, and mine most certainly do not make sense right now!
For awhile, I was able to take myself to a place where someone cherished me and was holding me while we chatted with everyone else, but I found it hard to hang on to that feeling for very long. What I felt most strongly was lack and, of course, that pissed me off even more! Feeling lack attracts lack and what I want to attract is love, affection and cherishing, not the lack thereof!
So what's going on here? Are my cosmos aligned all wrong? Have I stepped into an alternate universe? Has something sucked all of the positive energy out of me? Whatever the cause, it is NOT acceptable and I will not stand for this feeling of lack, this feeling of disonnectedness, this feeling of not belonging!!!
I'm taking some comfort in stroking my big, fluffy Weejie who has sprawled across my desk, and in scratching the calico who is headbonking my leg under the chin while she purrs hear little head off. Comfort, yes, but a solution to this rather disturbing turn of events, no,.
I really need an immediate infusion of positivity. OK, let's see. Blessings. Count them.
1. I have a roof over my head and sufficient food on my table.
2. I have a wonderful daughter and son-in-law who make sure that I'm always ok.
3. I have some great friends who inspire me.
4. I have cats who love me and share my life.
5. I have dancing which feeds my soul.
6. I have my writing which pushes me to do better.
7. I have a job which lets me use my mind and improve my skills in many ways.
8. I am healthy.
I was going to type "I am happy" for number 9, but I just couldn't do it because, right now, I am not happy. The stupid thing is, I don't have any real reason for being unhappy, much less close to tears, but there you have it.
As I just can't blessing myself out of this funk tonight, I guess I'll sleep on it, hoping that whatever is missing will come to me while I'm dreaming one of my memorably dysfunctional dreams and that a hard workout tomorrow will dispell the rest.
Contrary to the title, then, I haven't really found the blessing in the pity party yet, but I'm sure that I will, given enough time.
Meanwhile,
1. I am grateful for the love of my cats.
2. I am grateful for an outlet, even when I'm gloomy and doomy,
3. I am grateful for friendships, old, new and yet to come.
4. I am grateful for the joy I feel while dancing.
5. I am grateful for epiphanies.
Love and light
Friday, April 12, 2013
April 12, 2013 Synchronicities. Is this what writers do???
Yesterday I talked about how I was getting quite a few little "reminders" (read, Universal headslaps) concerning my writing and what I should be doing about it.
My friend, the Universe, being a singularly unsubtle sort, appears to have decided that this is really important. I've been led to numerous blog posts today, and not all of them via the UBC, dealing with writers and writing. Interestingly, I opened a couple which were not writer related and found them to be a bit on the depressing side, and either forced myself to finish them or stopped mid-read.
I particularly like what seemed to be a common theme today, though. Writers read. Not only do writers read, they read voraciously! Now, I don't want to admit that I'm addicted to reading, but this is a partial view of my office.
What you can't see here is that every shelf has at least two, if not three layers of books, and this is only one wall! I've given up countless hours of sleep to read just one more chapter!
But I've noticed something different lately. As I read some of my favorite authors, I find myself picking apart their writing style, or analyzing the bejeebers out of it, at the expense of my usual enjoyment of the story and the temporary escape into someone else's world.
Although I don't get too caught up in the scene setting, other than to ask myself how they came to know so much about Seattle or New Orleans or a small town in upstate New York, I am mentally picking their characters apart! It makes me wonder if this is also a known malady of people who write, either for themselves or for a living?
I'm picking up other, for lack of a better word, validations, from the blog posts I'm reading. It seems that my theory that blogging every day to get myself into the habit of writing isn't so far off the mark. Some also say that it is a good way to get your product known even before you have a product to sell. Or rather, to market the product that is you. So really, the common theme here is that writing consistently, even if the result is, in our own, hypercritical minds, garbage is very important. (I am currently sitting on about 18,000 words of what I consider to be garbage, but maybe with enough editing, read, hatchet jobbing, it might have something of value buried amidst all of the chaff.)
Which brings me to another common thread. First drafts are, by nature, going to be a lot of crap and a few gems. One blogger used the term, "letting it simmer". By this, he meant that we get everything down, then walk away for a day, a week, or however long we need to, then sit down and edit that draft until it flows and becomes something other people might not only want to read, but might want to PAY for the privilege of reading. Now how cool is that???
In the meantime, I have one book on my iPad and another on the way, so my list of excuses is shrinking by the minute. My moment of truth is rapidly approaching and I will have to answer the question: Am I an artist or an addict?
Meanwhile, I found today that little things brought me joy (aside from the fact that my co-worker's plan was about 85% effective and my office no longer resembles a meat locker!). While driving home, I saw a car that looked like this:
My first thought was: Wow! That's a great color and it makes me feel really joyful! My second thought was, Gee, I find joy in some pretty weird places these days! But, heck, joy is joy, so who am I to complain?
The big picture, here, though, is that as time has passed, I've gone from a depressed, emotionally beaten up wife of an alcoholic to a stressed out single mom, to a woman finding herself and the little things that make her happy, to an amazing, joyful, positive woman who finds joy in the smallest things! It has been a long road, and it certainly isn't over by any stretch of the imagination. In some ways, I believe the path needed to be traveled before I was really ready to cut loose and try to actually write for someone besides my kids and a few friends.
Along the way, there's another wonderful benefit to the path I've been traveling. I've learned to distinguish energy vampires from energy suppliers and have had to walk away from a lot of people in the last 10 or 15 years because I changed and they didn't. We no longer felt good together and, in fact, with some, we were more like sandpaper on a raw wound or fingernails on a blackboard. More than a casual "hello" was almost painful for us, and so we drifted apart, drawn to others whose outlook more closely aligned with our own.
Even now, when I find myself falling into cranky pants mode, I notice it right away and put a stop to it because I don't feel good with it either!
The fact is, I love the me who gets a smile on her face just because of a funky green car or who jumps up and dances in her office because Payphone just came up on her Pandora, or who gets up in the morning and has a meowing conversation with one of her cats.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the path I've followed to the person I've become, and look forward to more twists and turns between now and when I grow up.
2. I am grateful for simple pleasures.
3. I am grateful for continued signs that I'm finally on the right path, even if the road ahead is all fogged in at the moment.
4. I am grateful for quiet Friday nights with my cats, my computer and my thoughts.
5. I am grateful for all of the amazing, inspirational, positive people I am meeting along this new and exciting path I'm now traveling, and look forward to more, new, unique individuals as I travel into that foggy place.
Love and light.
My friend, the Universe, being a singularly unsubtle sort, appears to have decided that this is really important. I've been led to numerous blog posts today, and not all of them via the UBC, dealing with writers and writing. Interestingly, I opened a couple which were not writer related and found them to be a bit on the depressing side, and either forced myself to finish them or stopped mid-read.
I particularly like what seemed to be a common theme today, though. Writers read. Not only do writers read, they read voraciously! Now, I don't want to admit that I'm addicted to reading, but this is a partial view of my office.
But I've noticed something different lately. As I read some of my favorite authors, I find myself picking apart their writing style, or analyzing the bejeebers out of it, at the expense of my usual enjoyment of the story and the temporary escape into someone else's world.
Although I don't get too caught up in the scene setting, other than to ask myself how they came to know so much about Seattle or New Orleans or a small town in upstate New York, I am mentally picking their characters apart! It makes me wonder if this is also a known malady of people who write, either for themselves or for a living?
I'm picking up other, for lack of a better word, validations, from the blog posts I'm reading. It seems that my theory that blogging every day to get myself into the habit of writing isn't so far off the mark. Some also say that it is a good way to get your product known even before you have a product to sell. Or rather, to market the product that is you. So really, the common theme here is that writing consistently, even if the result is, in our own, hypercritical minds, garbage is very important. (I am currently sitting on about 18,000 words of what I consider to be garbage, but maybe with enough editing, read, hatchet jobbing, it might have something of value buried amidst all of the chaff.)
Which brings me to another common thread. First drafts are, by nature, going to be a lot of crap and a few gems. One blogger used the term, "letting it simmer". By this, he meant that we get everything down, then walk away for a day, a week, or however long we need to, then sit down and edit that draft until it flows and becomes something other people might not only want to read, but might want to PAY for the privilege of reading. Now how cool is that???
In the meantime, I have one book on my iPad and another on the way, so my list of excuses is shrinking by the minute. My moment of truth is rapidly approaching and I will have to answer the question: Am I an artist or an addict?
Meanwhile, I found today that little things brought me joy (aside from the fact that my co-worker's plan was about 85% effective and my office no longer resembles a meat locker!). While driving home, I saw a car that looked like this:
My first thought was: Wow! That's a great color and it makes me feel really joyful! My second thought was, Gee, I find joy in some pretty weird places these days! But, heck, joy is joy, so who am I to complain?
The big picture, here, though, is that as time has passed, I've gone from a depressed, emotionally beaten up wife of an alcoholic to a stressed out single mom, to a woman finding herself and the little things that make her happy, to an amazing, joyful, positive woman who finds joy in the smallest things! It has been a long road, and it certainly isn't over by any stretch of the imagination. In some ways, I believe the path needed to be traveled before I was really ready to cut loose and try to actually write for someone besides my kids and a few friends.
Along the way, there's another wonderful benefit to the path I've been traveling. I've learned to distinguish energy vampires from energy suppliers and have had to walk away from a lot of people in the last 10 or 15 years because I changed and they didn't. We no longer felt good together and, in fact, with some, we were more like sandpaper on a raw wound or fingernails on a blackboard. More than a casual "hello" was almost painful for us, and so we drifted apart, drawn to others whose outlook more closely aligned with our own.
Even now, when I find myself falling into cranky pants mode, I notice it right away and put a stop to it because I don't feel good with it either!
The fact is, I love the me who gets a smile on her face just because of a funky green car or who jumps up and dances in her office because Payphone just came up on her Pandora, or who gets up in the morning and has a meowing conversation with one of her cats.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the path I've followed to the person I've become, and look forward to more twists and turns between now and when I grow up.
2. I am grateful for simple pleasures.
3. I am grateful for continued signs that I'm finally on the right path, even if the road ahead is all fogged in at the moment.
4. I am grateful for quiet Friday nights with my cats, my computer and my thoughts.
5. I am grateful for all of the amazing, inspirational, positive people I am meeting along this new and exciting path I'm now traveling, and look forward to more, new, unique individuals as I travel into that foggy place.
Love and light.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
April 11, 2013 Getting motivated, or trying, anyway
mo·ti·va·tion
[moh-tuh-vey-shuh
n] Show IPA
noun
1.
the act or an instance of motivating, or providing with a reason to act in a certain way: I don't understand what her motivation was for quitting her job. Synonyms: motive, inspiration, inducement, cause, impetus.
2.
the state or condition of being motivated: We know that these students have strong motivation to learn.
3.
One of the biggest challenges in both my personal and professional life is getting motivated, especially when what needs to be done is not something I really WANT to do! In some cases, I've learned to establish a reward system for myself (get chores done, then you get to write in your blog) which, as long as I honor it works great.
But find something I will do just about anything to avoid like, say, cleaning, and either the reward isn't sufficient to inspire me, or I'll cheat and reward myself before the task is even begun! After years of finding ways to motivate my exceedingly strong willed daughters, you'd think I'd have learned a thing or two about motivating the unwilling! But sadly, if I'm truly not in the mood to do something, I am almost impossible to motivate. So what is the solution?
I know I NEED to do something. I know that if I don't do it, it won't get done and there will be consequences. But still I procrastinate. Even thinking about it right now is giving me a headache! (which is another way I procrastinate!)
Oy, I'm so ferklempt! I simply cannot tackle this onerous task right now! I need to lay down for a few minutes to get rid of the blistering headache I'm getting at just the thought of having to do that!
It's a darned good thing I don't let my subconscious run the show or I'd spend my life laying in a darkened room, avoiding everything!
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...I realize that I have drifted far from my desire to remove complaining from my repertoire. I'm getting so bad that I'm treading a thin line between being positive and being a whiner. In my defense (and not to make excuses), my office has been cold enough to hang meat lately, so bad, in fact, that I had to go sit in my sun warmed car today to thaw out my fingers, toes and nose, then came back in wearing a jacket and a long-sleeved shirt over my work clothes just to keep an even temperature. But one of my co-workers was kind enough to offer and implement a work-around so I'm hoping the problem will be solved and I will cease being a cranky pants.
EGAD!!! There's a frightening thought! I've caught the disease!!!
Must...take....antidote!
Lucky for me, tonight is a dance night!!! There is no better antidote for crankiness and complaining!
{A few hours later}
Sometimes the Universe just has to drop a simple idea into my head, but others, it decides I need a few good whacks, just for the sake of whacking me in the head. The last two days have clearly been of the latter variety.
The first whack came when my longtime friend and cheerleader reminded me of a book I should have in my collection if I'm really serious about writing for money. I filed that suggestion away to be taken out and played with "when I had time". (and how many times a day do we use that ridiculously overused phrase? As if we will ever get back to whatever it is!)
The second whack came when I read an article about being in a shadow career. My first response upon reading about addicts vs. artists was "Ouch! That hit home!"
But since good things come in threes, there was, indeed, a third whack which came from a fellow accounting type person tonight. She was saying that her job really didn't fulfill her, and I realized that mine didn't either. The truth is, and I've since admitted it out loud, I'd rather be writing!
OK, so now that the Universe has my attention, it is time I took this whole thing seriously and actually took steps to make it happen! Step one is to follow my friend's advice and order a copy of Writer's Market for 2013 and Writer's Digest so I can pursue the idea of writing magazine articles.
Step two is to read all of the blogs relating to writing (or try), so I've been scanning our Ultimate Blog Challenge Facebook page and reading anything I can find regarding writing for profit. (and fun too, from where I sit!)
Step three will be to actually take steps one and two to heart and start writing and submitting. This will also involve telling my rejection anxiety to go take a long hike, preferably off of a short pier!
And of course, the unspoken step is to set the intention, so Universe, this is me, setting an intention to become a real, honest-to-goodness writer before the end of 2013!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the all-to-frequent Universal headslaps.
2. I am grateful to friends and acquaintances who get me thinking about letting the creative juices run amok.
3. I am grateful for opportunities to turn my writing skills to profit.
4. I am grateful for opportunities to live my passion.
5. I am grateful for my future book signing tours.
Love and light.
something that motivates; inducement; incentive: Clearly, the company's long-term motivation is profit.
One of the biggest challenges in both my personal and professional life is getting motivated, especially when what needs to be done is not something I really WANT to do! In some cases, I've learned to establish a reward system for myself (get chores done, then you get to write in your blog) which, as long as I honor it works great.
But find something I will do just about anything to avoid like, say, cleaning, and either the reward isn't sufficient to inspire me, or I'll cheat and reward myself before the task is even begun! After years of finding ways to motivate my exceedingly strong willed daughters, you'd think I'd have learned a thing or two about motivating the unwilling! But sadly, if I'm truly not in the mood to do something, I am almost impossible to motivate. So what is the solution?
I know I NEED to do something. I know that if I don't do it, it won't get done and there will be consequences. But still I procrastinate. Even thinking about it right now is giving me a headache! (which is another way I procrastinate!)
Oy, I'm so ferklempt! I simply cannot tackle this onerous task right now! I need to lay down for a few minutes to get rid of the blistering headache I'm getting at just the thought of having to do that!
It's a darned good thing I don't let my subconscious run the show or I'd spend my life laying in a darkened room, avoiding everything!
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...I realize that I have drifted far from my desire to remove complaining from my repertoire. I'm getting so bad that I'm treading a thin line between being positive and being a whiner. In my defense (and not to make excuses), my office has been cold enough to hang meat lately, so bad, in fact, that I had to go sit in my sun warmed car today to thaw out my fingers, toes and nose, then came back in wearing a jacket and a long-sleeved shirt over my work clothes just to keep an even temperature. But one of my co-workers was kind enough to offer and implement a work-around so I'm hoping the problem will be solved and I will cease being a cranky pants.
EGAD!!! There's a frightening thought! I've caught the disease!!!
Must...take....antidote!
Lucky for me, tonight is a dance night!!! There is no better antidote for crankiness and complaining!
{A few hours later}
Sometimes the Universe just has to drop a simple idea into my head, but others, it decides I need a few good whacks, just for the sake of whacking me in the head. The last two days have clearly been of the latter variety.
The first whack came when my longtime friend and cheerleader reminded me of a book I should have in my collection if I'm really serious about writing for money. I filed that suggestion away to be taken out and played with "when I had time". (and how many times a day do we use that ridiculously overused phrase? As if we will ever get back to whatever it is!)
The second whack came when I read an article about being in a shadow career. My first response upon reading about addicts vs. artists was "Ouch! That hit home!"
But since good things come in threes, there was, indeed, a third whack which came from a fellow accounting type person tonight. She was saying that her job really didn't fulfill her, and I realized that mine didn't either. The truth is, and I've since admitted it out loud, I'd rather be writing!
OK, so now that the Universe has my attention, it is time I took this whole thing seriously and actually took steps to make it happen! Step one is to follow my friend's advice and order a copy of Writer's Market for 2013 and Writer's Digest so I can pursue the idea of writing magazine articles.
Step two is to read all of the blogs relating to writing (or try), so I've been scanning our Ultimate Blog Challenge Facebook page and reading anything I can find regarding writing for profit. (and fun too, from where I sit!)
Step three will be to actually take steps one and two to heart and start writing and submitting. This will also involve telling my rejection anxiety to go take a long hike, preferably off of a short pier!
And of course, the unspoken step is to set the intention, so Universe, this is me, setting an intention to become a real, honest-to-goodness writer before the end of 2013!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the all-to-frequent Universal headslaps.
2. I am grateful to friends and acquaintances who get me thinking about letting the creative juices run amok.
3. I am grateful for opportunities to turn my writing skills to profit.
4. I am grateful for opportunities to live my passion.
5. I am grateful for my future book signing tours.
Love and light.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
April 10, 2013 Taking time off to restore
Last night, I went through my usual routine, making up my breakfast and lunch for the next two days, straightening the kitchen, getting everyone medicated and their morning meds ready as well, and finally, my reward to myself, writing in my blog. Little did I know that all of those routine activities and preparations would have to wait another day.
Waking this morning, and hitting the snooze on my alarm an inordinate amount of times in my semi-comatose state, I finally realized,as I shifted one cat off of my hip and removed another from my head, that I wasn't going anywhere today. It wasn't that I felt that bad, maybe a little achey, and nauseous, but nothing that would normally stop me from getting moving. What I felt, instead, was what at first I believed to be a lack of motivation, for which I had no explanation, but upon rising to send an email to work, found that it was as if someone opened up my energy drain, emptied me out and left the drain plug lying beside the bed so refueling was impossible.
Dragging myself to the kitchen when I finally woke again around noon, and finding that a cup of strong coffee did little more than prevent a caffeine withdrawal migraine from occurring, I realized that I might as well take advantage of a day of couch loafing and kitty cuddling because I just wasn't going to find the motivation to do much else.
That didn't stop me, however, from fretting over all of the things I could be doing with a day at home, like, for instance, squirting some toilet cleaner into the toilet so I could at least get a bit of cleaning done. This won't seem odd to most people, but I'm just not a cleaner! I try to keep things neat but have to really kick myself in the butt to do any serious scrubbing! (and in truth, I'm overdue for that butt kicking right now!) The point is, I felt I needed to be productive in some small way and the toilet bowl seemed like the least energetic of my choices yet it still didn't happen!
I can only hope that this day of being a lump will result in some amazing, energetic, earth shattering accomplishments in the next few days as compensation for what appears to be a much-needed shut down.
OK, I admit it! I'm weak! I'm at the mercy of my conscience! (but I now have a clean bathroom!) I couldn't just top at cleaning the inside of the toilet, now, could I? The outside had to be cleaned too! And if the toilet was clean, the sink had to be as well! And if the sink and toilet were clean, I couldn't leave dusty, crusty shelves now, could I? Could I??? Put yourself in my shoes! And I didn't clean the whole house or scrub floors! Just a little bathroom cleaner and maybe a small amount of elbow grease. And just think! Now my day was not a complete, lazy waste!
And so ends your first lesson in "Rationalization 101".
As my day of unintentional rest and relaxation draws to a close, I know that I have much to be grateful for:
1. I am grateful for my kids who made sure that I was ok today.
2. I am grateful for the extra sleep I got so that I can accomplish a lot of things in the next few days.
3. I am grateful for my cats who actually let me sleep for several hours without clamoring for food.
4. I am grateful for the people who read my blog and actually miss my silliness when I don't write for a day.
5. I am grateful for my soft bed which is waiting patiently for me to climb in so I can, yet again, become a cat bed.
Love and light.
Waking this morning, and hitting the snooze on my alarm an inordinate amount of times in my semi-comatose state, I finally realized,as I shifted one cat off of my hip and removed another from my head, that I wasn't going anywhere today. It wasn't that I felt that bad, maybe a little achey, and nauseous, but nothing that would normally stop me from getting moving. What I felt, instead, was what at first I believed to be a lack of motivation, for which I had no explanation, but upon rising to send an email to work, found that it was as if someone opened up my energy drain, emptied me out and left the drain plug lying beside the bed so refueling was impossible.
Dragging myself to the kitchen when I finally woke again around noon, and finding that a cup of strong coffee did little more than prevent a caffeine withdrawal migraine from occurring, I realized that I might as well take advantage of a day of couch loafing and kitty cuddling because I just wasn't going to find the motivation to do much else.
That didn't stop me, however, from fretting over all of the things I could be doing with a day at home, like, for instance, squirting some toilet cleaner into the toilet so I could at least get a bit of cleaning done. This won't seem odd to most people, but I'm just not a cleaner! I try to keep things neat but have to really kick myself in the butt to do any serious scrubbing! (and in truth, I'm overdue for that butt kicking right now!) The point is, I felt I needed to be productive in some small way and the toilet bowl seemed like the least energetic of my choices yet it still didn't happen!
I can only hope that this day of being a lump will result in some amazing, energetic, earth shattering accomplishments in the next few days as compensation for what appears to be a much-needed shut down.
OK, I admit it! I'm weak! I'm at the mercy of my conscience! (but I now have a clean bathroom!) I couldn't just top at cleaning the inside of the toilet, now, could I? The outside had to be cleaned too! And if the toilet was clean, the sink had to be as well! And if the sink and toilet were clean, I couldn't leave dusty, crusty shelves now, could I? Could I??? Put yourself in my shoes! And I didn't clean the whole house or scrub floors! Just a little bathroom cleaner and maybe a small amount of elbow grease. And just think! Now my day was not a complete, lazy waste!
And so ends your first lesson in "Rationalization 101".
As my day of unintentional rest and relaxation draws to a close, I know that I have much to be grateful for:
1. I am grateful for my kids who made sure that I was ok today.
2. I am grateful for the extra sleep I got so that I can accomplish a lot of things in the next few days.
3. I am grateful for my cats who actually let me sleep for several hours without clamoring for food.
4. I am grateful for the people who read my blog and actually miss my silliness when I don't write for a day.
5. I am grateful for my soft bed which is waiting patiently for me to climb in so I can, yet again, become a cat bed.
Love and light.
April 9, 2013 TMI, a new kind of writer's block
Several times today, I had some really great thoughts, but when I sat down to start writing, WHAMMO! Nothing! Or more accurately, too much!! My mind was spinning so fast that I couldn't get a single thought to settle long enough for me to even transfer it from brain to page! I don't know if this is something unique to me and my ADHD writing style, but it sure was annoying! (and clearly, the only thing that did stand still long enough to catch as, look what I'm writing about tonight!)
I think, now, that what I've perceived as a blank brain was really more of a TMI brain in a hyperactive frenzy. That could explain why, when I feel like I have nothing to say, letting go and allowing my subconscious or some random spirit to take control of my fingers seems to be the most effective way to clear my void.
Over the years, I've found that the only time I can move somewhat gracefully is when I dance, just as stutterers can be perfectly clear when they sing. Considering all of the symptoms, I think it is all tied to a hyperactive brain (hence, so many years of insomnia until I learned to meditate and write at night before I go to sleep) and can only be quieted by (wait for it! wait for it...) Allowing! That's right! One of my infamous meditation words and one of the many lessons I've learned as I've traveled through my thoughts and feelings over my parents' untimely deaths. Just as I've learned to allow myself to receive, I also have to allow myself to stop fighting my thoughts and just ALLOW them to flow through my brain at their own breakneck pace until, like that pesky fly on my computer monitor, they settle and allow me to capture them.
Perhaps they even flit by so quickly because some just aren't meant to be captured in print at all, but are just the overture, giving me little tastes of what is to come before allowing (there's that word again!) the real meat to formulate so that it can be shared.
As I bemoan the fact that I can't seem to get a serious book idea to form, but rather just a mess of random thoughts, ideas, jotted down paragraphs and half-formed plot lines, I think I'm just going about it wrong. If I can learn to sit in front of my computer and wait for the thoughts to form themselves (as I actually do from time to time) I believe that great idea will finally start to take shape! I am beginning to see that trying to force an idea to take shape is not much different than trying to force a baby to be born before she's ready! You have to wait until development has reached a certain point where the baby can be not only viable but healthy and so it is for a story if it's going to be worth the effort it takes to write it down and eventually edit it.
So my epiphany today after much fruitless time spent staring at today's date on my screen is to do more sitting back and allowing the stream to take control of my fingers and do less trying to write something pithy, witty or intelligent. I'll have plenty of time to edit what comes out later, but the raw stuff needs to be given free reign to materialize on its own. Heaven knows, I've been typing long enough without looking at screen or keyboard to be able to let myself go almost trance-like while the muse runs amok.
I rather enjoy it when things run amok anyway, as it is often crazy, frequently interesting and rarely boring. The Mad Hatter has nothing on me! The streak of insanity I inherited from my maternal grandmother's family is alive and well in me!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for a muse with a mind of its own.
2. I am grateful for the ability to mentally run amok...and like it!
3. I am grateful for habits which have set in so well that they are basically another kind of muscle memory.
4. I am grateful for a quiet evening at home with cats taking turns occupying my lap. (a whole lot more fun that occupying Wall Street, if you ask me!)
5. I am grateful for beautiful, sunshiney Spring days that make me want to play hooky and head for the beach!
Love and light.
I think, now, that what I've perceived as a blank brain was really more of a TMI brain in a hyperactive frenzy. That could explain why, when I feel like I have nothing to say, letting go and allowing my subconscious or some random spirit to take control of my fingers seems to be the most effective way to clear my void.
Over the years, I've found that the only time I can move somewhat gracefully is when I dance, just as stutterers can be perfectly clear when they sing. Considering all of the symptoms, I think it is all tied to a hyperactive brain (hence, so many years of insomnia until I learned to meditate and write at night before I go to sleep) and can only be quieted by (wait for it! wait for it...) Allowing! That's right! One of my infamous meditation words and one of the many lessons I've learned as I've traveled through my thoughts and feelings over my parents' untimely deaths. Just as I've learned to allow myself to receive, I also have to allow myself to stop fighting my thoughts and just ALLOW them to flow through my brain at their own breakneck pace until, like that pesky fly on my computer monitor, they settle and allow me to capture them.
Perhaps they even flit by so quickly because some just aren't meant to be captured in print at all, but are just the overture, giving me little tastes of what is to come before allowing (there's that word again!) the real meat to formulate so that it can be shared.
As I bemoan the fact that I can't seem to get a serious book idea to form, but rather just a mess of random thoughts, ideas, jotted down paragraphs and half-formed plot lines, I think I'm just going about it wrong. If I can learn to sit in front of my computer and wait for the thoughts to form themselves (as I actually do from time to time) I believe that great idea will finally start to take shape! I am beginning to see that trying to force an idea to take shape is not much different than trying to force a baby to be born before she's ready! You have to wait until development has reached a certain point where the baby can be not only viable but healthy and so it is for a story if it's going to be worth the effort it takes to write it down and eventually edit it.
So my epiphany today after much fruitless time spent staring at today's date on my screen is to do more sitting back and allowing the stream to take control of my fingers and do less trying to write something pithy, witty or intelligent. I'll have plenty of time to edit what comes out later, but the raw stuff needs to be given free reign to materialize on its own. Heaven knows, I've been typing long enough without looking at screen or keyboard to be able to let myself go almost trance-like while the muse runs amok.
I rather enjoy it when things run amok anyway, as it is often crazy, frequently interesting and rarely boring. The Mad Hatter has nothing on me! The streak of insanity I inherited from my maternal grandmother's family is alive and well in me!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for a muse with a mind of its own.
2. I am grateful for the ability to mentally run amok...and like it!
3. I am grateful for habits which have set in so well that they are basically another kind of muscle memory.
4. I am grateful for a quiet evening at home with cats taking turns occupying my lap. (a whole lot more fun that occupying Wall Street, if you ask me!)
5. I am grateful for beautiful, sunshiney Spring days that make me want to play hooky and head for the beach!
Love and light.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
April 8, 2013 Puzzling dreams...literally!
Last night's dream sequence was really rather fun for me, being the puzzle freak I am. I was dreaming that I was solving life sized puzzles of all kinds: Sudoku, crossword, jigsaw...there might have even been a logic problem or two in there. As I've always been fascinated by puzzles and love stretching my brain to work something out, whether for fun or profit (a friend used to joke that as an Accountant, I thrived on "the books from hell" because it meant I got to work through things until I got them all neat and tidy and figured out!) I'm hoping that I can take this one at face value and look forward to some brain stretching puzzles to solve this week!
Regardless, I found myself singing silly ditties and songs from old Shirley Temple movies on the way to work, so it clearly put me in a good mood. I also found myself declaring out loud, "it is going to be an AWESOME week!"
Yet, once again, here I sit, the midnight blogger (perhaps a new name for my blog?) after working all day, finally getting together with the kids to do their taxes, medicating all felines who need to be medicated and performing my weekly trash dance, getting ready to spill my guts, or something anyway, to perpetuate this little space I call my own.
Like many of my friends who are still up and posting on Facebook, I am of the nocturnal persuasion. I might curse and beg for "just another five minutes" in the morning when the sun peeks in my window and the alarm blares, but a few more minutes in the dark of night are but a small price to pay when I get that much less sleep at the other end.
I know that part of my nocturnal habits are a hold over from my years as a single parent when the hours from 9:00 or so on were the only ones which were mine and mine alone. It was my time to catch up on reading, catch up with friends, get some of the quieter chores done and just unwind after the demands of the day. Another part is probably a hold over from late nights working on shows, then going out to Farrell's or Denny's afterwards.
The real truth is, the most interesting people are up after midnight, lurking in the halls, having their say or, like me, sitting in a quiet house just enjoying the solitude. The musical accompaniment to my nightly interludes is the hum of the computer, the sounds of the house settling and one or two hardy felines pattering around the house as they await their bed warmer's eventual retirement.
Although there were no puzzles for me to solve today, it was a productive, rather peaceful day. I'm sure that my decision to expect only awesomeness had something to do with how smoothly things went, so I must be sure to expect only awesomeness from now on. Maybe I solved so many in my dreams that there were none left for me to play with while I was out and about.
I'm finding that the best part about being part of the Ultimate Blog Challenge isn't my own contributions. It is, in fact, being introduced to other people who have some really interesting things to say! I read one today in which the writer threw out a bunch of ideas, some serious and several, tongue-in-cheek, for making a six figure income this year. While I have my checks from the Universe on my vision board, made out to me in those six figures, I have to admit that her ideas were a little more proactive. I particularly liked her idea of asking 20,000 people for $5.
In fact, it makes me wonder if those folks who beg on the streets or play music with a hat or instrument case left open for donations might actually be pulling in that kind of money. Think about it! If they sit in a public place for eight hours a day, six days a week, isn't it possible that 100 people a day toss in at least a buck? I'd guess that the take would be higher on certain days, depending where they set up. But conservatively, they could pull in $30 or $40K with little or no overhead. Of course, this venture would be more successful in more temperate climates like Florida or California. I think people would be less likely to dig in their pockets while bundled up against a 20 degree day with a 10 degree wind chill factor, and it wouldn't be overly comfortable for the artist either!
In any event, it definitely got me thinking about ways to supplement my income. The author mentioned one of her fundraising activities which interested me very much, but I have no idea how to get into her market. She apparently does freelance writing. I wouldn't mind adding that to my repertoire! Or maybe do something like Carrie in "Sex and the City" and write a weekly column for a newspaper (although, with the popularity of the internet, it might not be a lucrative career path these days!).
It seems that I have the desire to write and sell my work, but not a clue as to how to go about it. I can ramble on for hours, jumping from one topic to another, but have not yet made the leap to writing about one thing, or telling one story from start to finish. So finding someone to buy what I have not yet created is yet another challenge I face. And yet, I can visualize shelves full of my latest book, signing copies for my adoring fans and discussing my characters like they are devoted friends and companions. So all of the necessary parts are laid out, waiting for the master assembler, I like to call the Universe to put those pieces into the proper order and assembled correctly.
Until then, I must write, just as I must breathe, eat and even sleep. I have faith that, eventually, out of piles of drek, mediocre, passable, decent and interesting will ultimately rise, magnificent! But for now, I'm pounding the keys unremittingly, just as a salesman makes calls and knocks on doors. Just as a bird gathers many twigs to build her nest and a baker breaks many eggs to make her cakes, I use many words to make a story.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the truly awesome week which began today.
2. I am grateful for new sources of inspiration.
3. I am grateful for the satisfactory completion of several of my less pleasant chores.
4. I am grateful for the time I've taken to wind down so that sleep will find me quickly.
5. I am grateful for an evening that was both productive and restful.
Love and light
Regardless, I found myself singing silly ditties and songs from old Shirley Temple movies on the way to work, so it clearly put me in a good mood. I also found myself declaring out loud, "it is going to be an AWESOME week!"
Yet, once again, here I sit, the midnight blogger (perhaps a new name for my blog?) after working all day, finally getting together with the kids to do their taxes, medicating all felines who need to be medicated and performing my weekly trash dance, getting ready to spill my guts, or something anyway, to perpetuate this little space I call my own.
Like many of my friends who are still up and posting on Facebook, I am of the nocturnal persuasion. I might curse and beg for "just another five minutes" in the morning when the sun peeks in my window and the alarm blares, but a few more minutes in the dark of night are but a small price to pay when I get that much less sleep at the other end.
I know that part of my nocturnal habits are a hold over from my years as a single parent when the hours from 9:00 or so on were the only ones which were mine and mine alone. It was my time to catch up on reading, catch up with friends, get some of the quieter chores done and just unwind after the demands of the day. Another part is probably a hold over from late nights working on shows, then going out to Farrell's or Denny's afterwards.
The real truth is, the most interesting people are up after midnight, lurking in the halls, having their say or, like me, sitting in a quiet house just enjoying the solitude. The musical accompaniment to my nightly interludes is the hum of the computer, the sounds of the house settling and one or two hardy felines pattering around the house as they await their bed warmer's eventual retirement.
Although there were no puzzles for me to solve today, it was a productive, rather peaceful day. I'm sure that my decision to expect only awesomeness had something to do with how smoothly things went, so I must be sure to expect only awesomeness from now on. Maybe I solved so many in my dreams that there were none left for me to play with while I was out and about.
I'm finding that the best part about being part of the Ultimate Blog Challenge isn't my own contributions. It is, in fact, being introduced to other people who have some really interesting things to say! I read one today in which the writer threw out a bunch of ideas, some serious and several, tongue-in-cheek, for making a six figure income this year. While I have my checks from the Universe on my vision board, made out to me in those six figures, I have to admit that her ideas were a little more proactive. I particularly liked her idea of asking 20,000 people for $5.
In fact, it makes me wonder if those folks who beg on the streets or play music with a hat or instrument case left open for donations might actually be pulling in that kind of money. Think about it! If they sit in a public place for eight hours a day, six days a week, isn't it possible that 100 people a day toss in at least a buck? I'd guess that the take would be higher on certain days, depending where they set up. But conservatively, they could pull in $30 or $40K with little or no overhead. Of course, this venture would be more successful in more temperate climates like Florida or California. I think people would be less likely to dig in their pockets while bundled up against a 20 degree day with a 10 degree wind chill factor, and it wouldn't be overly comfortable for the artist either!
In any event, it definitely got me thinking about ways to supplement my income. The author mentioned one of her fundraising activities which interested me very much, but I have no idea how to get into her market. She apparently does freelance writing. I wouldn't mind adding that to my repertoire! Or maybe do something like Carrie in "Sex and the City" and write a weekly column for a newspaper (although, with the popularity of the internet, it might not be a lucrative career path these days!).
It seems that I have the desire to write and sell my work, but not a clue as to how to go about it. I can ramble on for hours, jumping from one topic to another, but have not yet made the leap to writing about one thing, or telling one story from start to finish. So finding someone to buy what I have not yet created is yet another challenge I face. And yet, I can visualize shelves full of my latest book, signing copies for my adoring fans and discussing my characters like they are devoted friends and companions. So all of the necessary parts are laid out, waiting for the master assembler, I like to call the Universe to put those pieces into the proper order and assembled correctly.
Until then, I must write, just as I must breathe, eat and even sleep. I have faith that, eventually, out of piles of drek, mediocre, passable, decent and interesting will ultimately rise, magnificent! But for now, I'm pounding the keys unremittingly, just as a salesman makes calls and knocks on doors. Just as a bird gathers many twigs to build her nest and a baker breaks many eggs to make her cakes, I use many words to make a story.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the truly awesome week which began today.
2. I am grateful for new sources of inspiration.
3. I am grateful for the satisfactory completion of several of my less pleasant chores.
4. I am grateful for the time I've taken to wind down so that sleep will find me quickly.
5. I am grateful for an evening that was both productive and restful.
Love and light
Sunday, April 7, 2013
April 7, 2013 Everyone seems to be wearing their cranky pants today. How long has this been going on?
While running my usual Sunday errands today, I noticed an overall sense of irritation, crankiness, impatience and downright rudeness permeating the very atmosphere! Everywhere I went, people were pushing the envelope, whether it was fighting to pull out of parking spots, running in front of cars to get to the store faster, interrupting a clerk who was helping another customer, or reaching for something on the store shelf, people just did not want to observe common courtesies. The air was so thick with it that I got back home and closed the door with a sigh of relief to be back in my own peaceful space! One woman and I kept crossing each others' paths at Trader Joe's and every time we did, she glared at me! I found myself thinking "Whuuuut!" more than once!
At first, I thought maybe there was some deepset irritation inside of me that was coming out until I got the same vibes from friends who had ventured out, either voluntarily our out of necessity. Cranky pants are the outfit of the day, but the reason is unclear. Why would such widespread dissatisfaction suddenly occur? Or has it been building and I didn't notice it until it reached critical mass? (I do tend to be oblivious to some things, maybe because of my daily meditations, or maybe because I just don't connect with people as much, but I'm certainly grateful that this overall crankiness hasn't weaseled its way into me!)
My wonderful sources of incredible energy friends have some great suggestions for this widespread malady, though. The first and most important is to paste a huge smile on your face and point it directly at every offender. It will either diffuse their crankiness or send them scurrying away to a more sympathetic location (meaning one with other crankies!). Another (and the one I chose) was to retreat to one's own lair with pets and music ( I chose some meditation music I have saved on my Pandora) and just wait for it to pass. Still others chose more peaceful venues like Ojai or the beach to wait out this seeming storm.
Most important, though, is that we don't allow ourselves to be dragged into the vortex of negative energy any more than we'd voluntarily join an argument. And like an argument, we never have to accept an invitation to a pity party either! Or as I told my kids repeatedly over the years, (using my best haughty upper class British accent) "If you're going to behave like a pig, my dear, I shall have nothing more to do with you!" With special thanks to Lewis Carroll.
I have to say that my little foray out into the world today was a glaring reminder of how many things I have to be grateful for! A woman who had parked one car closer to the store than I (which was, maybe three parking spots from the store!) left her cart in front of my car instead of taking the time to roll it to a cart return or back up to the front of the store. Noticing that the poor woman was hugely overweight, I sent up a bucketload of gratitude, both for the fact that although overweight myself, I was far less so than she, and for the fact that it took me no effort at all to not only return my cart but hers as well. I am also grateful for the fact that, ordinarily, I purposely park further from the stores to give me that much extra walking time.
In spite of it all, my refrigerator is once again filled with fresh fruits, vegetables and other healthy goodies for this week's meals, thanks to another one of my habits which is now deeply engrained. Which reminds me of the Sunday right after my knee surgery when I had the kids drive me to Trader Joe's for groceries. I managed to make it all the way through the store to get what I needed for my week of recovery, but boy, was I exhausted by the time we got back to the car! Thank goodness, my daughter and son-in-law were kind enough to put away the groceries or they might have sat on the floor of my kitchen in their cooler bags for several hours before I was able to stand long enough to put them away!
I did have a shining example of how not to treat those who offered a helping hand post surgery though. My mom had her arthroscopic surgery done when I was a few months pregnant with the girls. I remember her being demanding and extremely inconsiderate of my time and my condition, "asking" for things in rapid succession, being impatient, and leaving me sitting in a conference room at her office for hours on what was supposed to be a quick trip. I probably erred in the other direction by asking for little assistance, but I probably healed a lot faster as well. (OK, a lot faster as I was out doing line dances 8 days after surgery, much to my son-in-law's disgust) Getting up and moving to get things for myself was a better choice than sitting on the sofa, barking orders at someone else. Granted, I had the advantage of being able to work from home while I recuperated which probably kept my mind off of what remarkably little pain I had. But sadly, I don't think my mom ever learned to appreciate what she had. Her focus was always on what she didn't have. It has to be hard to live a life that is always a disappointment. I cannot even imagine living that way!
Even in my worst moments (and heaven knows I had several years of them) I can remember a lot of good things and good times. I don't remember my mom laughing very much, nor being silly just for the sake of silliness. No matter how much stress there was in my life, I could still read stories to the girls using different voices for the characters (including the SNORT from "Are you my Mother", one of their favorites), expressing mock horror when they were about to become the dreaded animals called "Teenagers" and getting a lot of mileage out of Jenni's loud "Oh no, not mush!" at the end of Jumanji while sitting in an otherwise quiet theater. And don't get me started with "wipe that smurf off your face!"
I can't help but wonder if the sheer weight of all of her sadness caused her to choose death over the promised joys of watching her three grandchildren grow up. I'm almost ashamed to say that in some ways, I'm glad she made the choice she did before she dragged me, while in a vulnerable state, down into the abyss with her. I'm grateful that, just a couple of years after her passing, I was able to start up the path towards changing my life for the better, and start seeing all of the good things that were going on in my life instead of, like her, dwelling on what I lacked. Because the reality is, I lack nothing!
That's right, N-O-T-H-I-N-G! I have everything I need, much of what I want, and more blessings than I can count! Wonderful things come into my life every day, things I'd never even dreamed up, but they come because I am so very blessed. Earlier today, I was sitting on the couch reading a book and my Abby, Munchkin was curled up in my lap, purring up a storm, and pushing her head up into my hand. That, for me, was a moment of the purest bliss! While out shopping, my daughter texted me a picture of my grandpuppy sprawled on her little patio. Again, bliss! Arriving at Trader Joe's (in spite of the cranky pantsers) I found the parking lot fairly empty, the store less crowded than usual, the perfect canteloupe and a very short wait in line to pay. What do you call it again? BLISS!!!!
Oy vey! I'm so blissed out now, I can almost float like Uncle Albert in "Mary Poppins" and I do love to laugh!!! Anyone for a tea party on the ceiling? Ho ho ho! Ha ha ha! SNOOOOOOORT!!!
Oops, sorry, but this is me, returning to my regularly scheduled ADHD, out of control, mind on euphoria blogging posts. It may take a few days to get it out of my system, so bear with me and feel free to change the channels until the helium in my balloon dissipates a little.
To all who are reading this rather schizophrenic post, may you have a wonderful, blissful, cranky pants free week!
My gratitudes today are:
1. I'm grateful that I gave my cranky pants away years ago.
2. I am grateful for all of the blessings which find their way into my life each and every day.
3. I am grateful for this wonderful outlet for my insanity.
4. I am grateful for being able to move as much as I want to, and sit less than I want to!
5. I am grateful for my haven of peace.
Love and light.
At first, I thought maybe there was some deepset irritation inside of me that was coming out until I got the same vibes from friends who had ventured out, either voluntarily our out of necessity. Cranky pants are the outfit of the day, but the reason is unclear. Why would such widespread dissatisfaction suddenly occur? Or has it been building and I didn't notice it until it reached critical mass? (I do tend to be oblivious to some things, maybe because of my daily meditations, or maybe because I just don't connect with people as much, but I'm certainly grateful that this overall crankiness hasn't weaseled its way into me!)
My wonderful sources of incredible energy friends have some great suggestions for this widespread malady, though. The first and most important is to paste a huge smile on your face and point it directly at every offender. It will either diffuse their crankiness or send them scurrying away to a more sympathetic location (meaning one with other crankies!). Another (and the one I chose) was to retreat to one's own lair with pets and music ( I chose some meditation music I have saved on my Pandora) and just wait for it to pass. Still others chose more peaceful venues like Ojai or the beach to wait out this seeming storm.
Most important, though, is that we don't allow ourselves to be dragged into the vortex of negative energy any more than we'd voluntarily join an argument. And like an argument, we never have to accept an invitation to a pity party either! Or as I told my kids repeatedly over the years, (using my best haughty upper class British accent) "If you're going to behave like a pig, my dear, I shall have nothing more to do with you!" With special thanks to Lewis Carroll.
I have to say that my little foray out into the world today was a glaring reminder of how many things I have to be grateful for! A woman who had parked one car closer to the store than I (which was, maybe three parking spots from the store!) left her cart in front of my car instead of taking the time to roll it to a cart return or back up to the front of the store. Noticing that the poor woman was hugely overweight, I sent up a bucketload of gratitude, both for the fact that although overweight myself, I was far less so than she, and for the fact that it took me no effort at all to not only return my cart but hers as well. I am also grateful for the fact that, ordinarily, I purposely park further from the stores to give me that much extra walking time.
In spite of it all, my refrigerator is once again filled with fresh fruits, vegetables and other healthy goodies for this week's meals, thanks to another one of my habits which is now deeply engrained. Which reminds me of the Sunday right after my knee surgery when I had the kids drive me to Trader Joe's for groceries. I managed to make it all the way through the store to get what I needed for my week of recovery, but boy, was I exhausted by the time we got back to the car! Thank goodness, my daughter and son-in-law were kind enough to put away the groceries or they might have sat on the floor of my kitchen in their cooler bags for several hours before I was able to stand long enough to put them away!
I did have a shining example of how not to treat those who offered a helping hand post surgery though. My mom had her arthroscopic surgery done when I was a few months pregnant with the girls. I remember her being demanding and extremely inconsiderate of my time and my condition, "asking" for things in rapid succession, being impatient, and leaving me sitting in a conference room at her office for hours on what was supposed to be a quick trip. I probably erred in the other direction by asking for little assistance, but I probably healed a lot faster as well. (OK, a lot faster as I was out doing line dances 8 days after surgery, much to my son-in-law's disgust) Getting up and moving to get things for myself was a better choice than sitting on the sofa, barking orders at someone else. Granted, I had the advantage of being able to work from home while I recuperated which probably kept my mind off of what remarkably little pain I had. But sadly, I don't think my mom ever learned to appreciate what she had. Her focus was always on what she didn't have. It has to be hard to live a life that is always a disappointment. I cannot even imagine living that way!
Even in my worst moments (and heaven knows I had several years of them) I can remember a lot of good things and good times. I don't remember my mom laughing very much, nor being silly just for the sake of silliness. No matter how much stress there was in my life, I could still read stories to the girls using different voices for the characters (including the SNORT from "Are you my Mother", one of their favorites), expressing mock horror when they were about to become the dreaded animals called "Teenagers" and getting a lot of mileage out of Jenni's loud "Oh no, not mush!" at the end of Jumanji while sitting in an otherwise quiet theater. And don't get me started with "wipe that smurf off your face!"
I can't help but wonder if the sheer weight of all of her sadness caused her to choose death over the promised joys of watching her three grandchildren grow up. I'm almost ashamed to say that in some ways, I'm glad she made the choice she did before she dragged me, while in a vulnerable state, down into the abyss with her. I'm grateful that, just a couple of years after her passing, I was able to start up the path towards changing my life for the better, and start seeing all of the good things that were going on in my life instead of, like her, dwelling on what I lacked. Because the reality is, I lack nothing!
That's right, N-O-T-H-I-N-G! I have everything I need, much of what I want, and more blessings than I can count! Wonderful things come into my life every day, things I'd never even dreamed up, but they come because I am so very blessed. Earlier today, I was sitting on the couch reading a book and my Abby, Munchkin was curled up in my lap, purring up a storm, and pushing her head up into my hand. That, for me, was a moment of the purest bliss! While out shopping, my daughter texted me a picture of my grandpuppy sprawled on her little patio. Again, bliss! Arriving at Trader Joe's (in spite of the cranky pantsers) I found the parking lot fairly empty, the store less crowded than usual, the perfect canteloupe and a very short wait in line to pay. What do you call it again? BLISS!!!!
Oy vey! I'm so blissed out now, I can almost float like Uncle Albert in "Mary Poppins" and I do love to laugh!!! Anyone for a tea party on the ceiling? Ho ho ho! Ha ha ha! SNOOOOOOORT!!!
Oops, sorry, but this is me, returning to my regularly scheduled ADHD, out of control, mind on euphoria blogging posts. It may take a few days to get it out of my system, so bear with me and feel free to change the channels until the helium in my balloon dissipates a little.
To all who are reading this rather schizophrenic post, may you have a wonderful, blissful, cranky pants free week!
My gratitudes today are:
1. I'm grateful that I gave my cranky pants away years ago.
2. I am grateful for all of the blessings which find their way into my life each and every day.
3. I am grateful for this wonderful outlet for my insanity.
4. I am grateful for being able to move as much as I want to, and sit less than I want to!
5. I am grateful for my haven of peace.
Love and light.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
April 6, 2013 Losing sight of what really matters.
Driving home from another night of dancing until my clothes are soaked through, I had an epiphany of sorts. I realized that since joining the Ultimate Blog Challenge, I'd lost sight of the audience who really matters to me, and who have loved and supported me despite my rambling, almost psychotic style of blogging in an effort to write so that other bloggers would actually want to read what I wrote.
As a result, my blogs have gotten shorter by the day and stayed pretty much on topic. Not only that, they lacked my usual acerbic, irreverent style and were, frankly, becoming quite boring.
What finally brought it home to me, though, was a dream I had last night that wouldn't get out of my mind. I dreamt that the vines a previous neighbor had planted on the chain link fence between our house were being, without any direction from me, trimmed back rather brutally by my gardener. In the dream, I was glad he was doing it, though I had not asked him to, but he seemed to have stopped mid-way through as if waiting for approval or something. About 2/3 of the fence was clear on my side, but a lot of the branches were still sitting on the ground waiting to be hauled away.
He had also trimmed all of the weeds away from my little multi-citrus tree and it was looking much happier and healthier. In the dream I walked up to the tree and told it that I would be sure to pick its fruit when it came. But the little tree was being threatened a bit by a huge tree in my other neighbor's yard which had grown so full that it was threatening to block the sun from my little fruit tree.
How does all of this relate to my epiphany, you ask? Well, here is the conclusion I reached. Removal of the vines allowed me to see what had been hidden and to realize that I was missing the point in many ways. The little fruit tree was me, being overshadowed by something bigger and essentially unrelated but which, with a little help from a friend or two could be turned back to allow the tree, or me to once again thrive in its own way.
So, this is me, remembering my original and much appreciated audience who have been coming back pretty regularly to see what I'll come up with next. While I appreciate the experienced bloggers giving me a look now and then, I realize that, since I'm not really selling anything, nor is that my intent, the ones who really matter are the ones who come back day after day, read my babbling, rambling messages, comment now and then on Facebook or in person, and occasionally even take something away from my daily observations.
That is not to say that I don't enjoy the challenge of enticing other bloggers to read my posts. I really do, and welcome suggestions to improve what I do. But my true purpose is to share life's challenges and triumphs and to gain a better understanding of how to make it better for me and for those whose lives I touch. I make a lot of mistakes, and who doesn't when they are really trying to reach their goals, so they can keep setting new ones? I enjoy sharing my stumbles as much, or more than my triumphs because maybe someone else will relate, or even learn from my foibles.
For example, I was searching for a way to give one of my cats a pill without hurting his poor mouth which had had two very painful teeth removed. I put it out there and got lots of suggestions, though my daughter arrived at the best one, which I then improved upon a little. He happens to be the cat she'd had since childhood, but left with me when she had the audacity to move out and get married, so who would know him better? Scooby is a sucker for a piece of cheese, any kind, cheddar, jack, pepper jack, gouda, american. You name it, he'll eat it! But the only cheese soft enough to put a pill in that I had in the house happened to be brie. So I smooshed the pill into some brie, made a little ball of it and fed it to him. Problem solved! He's happy he is getting a treat and the pill goes down without causing him further discomfort. The only glitch in the solution came tonight when I fed Scooby his brie ball while Toby looked on as if to say "but Mom! I've been good too! Where's mine???" Kids!
Another nasty side effect to my trying to write to a broader and more experienced blog-ience was that I was no longer sleeping as well as I did when I just wrote from the heart and the devil take what comes out! I clearly wasn't getting those things out of my monkey mind that needed to come out before I could sleep the sleep of the innocent (ok, so maybe that's a bit of a stretch, but I was sure sleeping soundly after unloading here!). Clearly, short, sweet, pablum-like blogs are not what I need, want or am comfortable with.
So here it is, me, uncensored, warts and all, back for another round of life, Universal head slaps, and insight from my wonderful, loyal audience. Topics will once again change, wander, do a loop the loop or two and maybe actually find a point on occasion (purely by accident, I assure you) but I will do my best to never be boring or too serious because, as I say frequently, life is too short to take it seriously. (My irreverent wit is currently doing the happy dance as it was feeling quite put out by being restrained the last few days!)
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for another wonderful, sweaty night of dancing with my friends and extended family.
2. I am grateful to have found a solution for Scooby that allows me to refrain from causing him more pain.
3. I am grateful to have rediscovered my "voice".
4. I am grateful for the people who read my blog regularly and aren't afraid to comment when they see something that strikes them.
5. I am grateful for more than 7 months of regular blogging...and regular sleep!
Love and light.
As a result, my blogs have gotten shorter by the day and stayed pretty much on topic. Not only that, they lacked my usual acerbic, irreverent style and were, frankly, becoming quite boring.
What finally brought it home to me, though, was a dream I had last night that wouldn't get out of my mind. I dreamt that the vines a previous neighbor had planted on the chain link fence between our house were being, without any direction from me, trimmed back rather brutally by my gardener. In the dream, I was glad he was doing it, though I had not asked him to, but he seemed to have stopped mid-way through as if waiting for approval or something. About 2/3 of the fence was clear on my side, but a lot of the branches were still sitting on the ground waiting to be hauled away.
He had also trimmed all of the weeds away from my little multi-citrus tree and it was looking much happier and healthier. In the dream I walked up to the tree and told it that I would be sure to pick its fruit when it came. But the little tree was being threatened a bit by a huge tree in my other neighbor's yard which had grown so full that it was threatening to block the sun from my little fruit tree.
How does all of this relate to my epiphany, you ask? Well, here is the conclusion I reached. Removal of the vines allowed me to see what had been hidden and to realize that I was missing the point in many ways. The little fruit tree was me, being overshadowed by something bigger and essentially unrelated but which, with a little help from a friend or two could be turned back to allow the tree, or me to once again thrive in its own way.
So, this is me, remembering my original and much appreciated audience who have been coming back pretty regularly to see what I'll come up with next. While I appreciate the experienced bloggers giving me a look now and then, I realize that, since I'm not really selling anything, nor is that my intent, the ones who really matter are the ones who come back day after day, read my babbling, rambling messages, comment now and then on Facebook or in person, and occasionally even take something away from my daily observations.
That is not to say that I don't enjoy the challenge of enticing other bloggers to read my posts. I really do, and welcome suggestions to improve what I do. But my true purpose is to share life's challenges and triumphs and to gain a better understanding of how to make it better for me and for those whose lives I touch. I make a lot of mistakes, and who doesn't when they are really trying to reach their goals, so they can keep setting new ones? I enjoy sharing my stumbles as much, or more than my triumphs because maybe someone else will relate, or even learn from my foibles.
For example, I was searching for a way to give one of my cats a pill without hurting his poor mouth which had had two very painful teeth removed. I put it out there and got lots of suggestions, though my daughter arrived at the best one, which I then improved upon a little. He happens to be the cat she'd had since childhood, but left with me when she had the audacity to move out and get married, so who would know him better? Scooby is a sucker for a piece of cheese, any kind, cheddar, jack, pepper jack, gouda, american. You name it, he'll eat it! But the only cheese soft enough to put a pill in that I had in the house happened to be brie. So I smooshed the pill into some brie, made a little ball of it and fed it to him. Problem solved! He's happy he is getting a treat and the pill goes down without causing him further discomfort. The only glitch in the solution came tonight when I fed Scooby his brie ball while Toby looked on as if to say "but Mom! I've been good too! Where's mine???" Kids!
Another nasty side effect to my trying to write to a broader and more experienced blog-ience was that I was no longer sleeping as well as I did when I just wrote from the heart and the devil take what comes out! I clearly wasn't getting those things out of my monkey mind that needed to come out before I could sleep the sleep of the innocent (ok, so maybe that's a bit of a stretch, but I was sure sleeping soundly after unloading here!). Clearly, short, sweet, pablum-like blogs are not what I need, want or am comfortable with.
So here it is, me, uncensored, warts and all, back for another round of life, Universal head slaps, and insight from my wonderful, loyal audience. Topics will once again change, wander, do a loop the loop or two and maybe actually find a point on occasion (purely by accident, I assure you) but I will do my best to never be boring or too serious because, as I say frequently, life is too short to take it seriously. (My irreverent wit is currently doing the happy dance as it was feeling quite put out by being restrained the last few days!)
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for another wonderful, sweaty night of dancing with my friends and extended family.
2. I am grateful to have found a solution for Scooby that allows me to refrain from causing him more pain.
3. I am grateful to have rediscovered my "voice".
4. I am grateful for the people who read my blog regularly and aren't afraid to comment when they see something that strikes them.
5. I am grateful for more than 7 months of regular blogging...and regular sleep!
Love and light.
Friday, April 5, 2013
April 5, 2013 Walking the Walk and Talking the Talk.
I spend a lot of time professing everyone's right to their own spiritual beliefs. So much, in fact, that you would think I would lack judgmental thoughts and behaviours, at least on this subject. Sadly, I found myself in a position where knee jerk overrode common sense, common courtesy and those not-so-ingrained-as-I-believed beliefs.
When the subject of religion came up at the club where I dance a couple of weeks ago, I unintentionally went into offensive mode simply because someone stated her belief that what she believed was the only truth. If I truly walked the walk, I'd have let it go at that, but instead, challenged her belief (which really is ludicrous if you get right down to it) and in the process, made a very sweet lady who has never, ever said an unkind word to my knowledge, feel uncomfortable.
It took me a couple of weeks to get around to it (partly because she wasn't at the club all the nights I was) but I finally worked up the cojones to apologize to her for my unkindness. She was incredibly gracious about it, echoing my own words "everyone has a right to their beliefs" and even told me she accepted my apology though it wasn't necessary, which, sadly, only makes me feel like more of a hypocrite for being unkind to her in the first place.
Clearly, there is a big difference between saying you believe something and actually living it! I definitely need to work on the living it part (yet another lesson!) and the keeping my mouth shut part as well! And there's a big difference between discussing the style of someone's shoes and challenging their decision to buy them in the first place.
It appears, much to my disgust, that I am still influenced by the people who have, over the years, claimed that I wasn't a whole person because I didn't believe as they did, which leads me to wonder just how many incidents from our childhood and teenage years (and even beyond) are we unconsciously holding onto, to the detriment of our spiritual and emotional growth?
More importantly, when we do recognize one of those malignant issues, how best to let it move out of our lives and dissipate until it no longer influences our thoughts and words? Pondering this question, I gaze down at the hand where one of my semi-feral cats scratched me many months ago. I had begun to think I would have a permanent scar, but notice that a portion of the wound has already disappeared and the rest has faded considerably. Are old emotional wounds similar? If we accept that they impacted us at one point and that maybe they will continue to be a part of us and maybe they won't, will they then, if not completely disappear, at least allow us to put them in perspective and minimize or even negate the influence they have on our lives from this point forward?
The first step, of course, is to stop beating myself up over it, since by so doing, I'm giving the whole thing a lot more attention than it deserves. The second, at least for me, is to love and appreciate this beautiful, kind woman who inadvertently gave me another life lesson.
The Universe has its own ways of challenging me to live up to my own standards, knowing that I'm not always going to rise to the challenge, but will, instead, learn another hard truth about myself: that for the time being, I'm only human and as such, a work in progress who aspires, for now, to be a better person. And maybe that's the point in the first place.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for people who put me to the test so I make sure that I treat others as I wish to be treated.
2. I am grateful for lessons which make me reassess and make adjustments where necessary.
3. I am grateful for the examples I am given.
4. I am grateful for quiet Friday nights at home with my kitties.
5. I am grateful for a cat who will lap up a brie covered pill rather than be wrapped in a towel and have his sore face messed with.
Love and light.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
April 4, 2013 Why do I blog?
On the fourth day of the Ultimate blog challenge as I find myself inspired by people who use their blogs for higher purposes than I, I find myself needing to reaffirm what brings me here, day after day, sharing thoughts which may or may not be even be seen by the outside world, despite their being where anyone with a computer and an internet connection could conceivably stumble onto them. Why have I spent over four years sharing whatever pops into my head, and more, what has driven me for more than six months, now, to come here religiously, almost every day, to drop a few stones down the well? If I haven't gauged its depth by now, will continued effort yield additional information, or am I just killing time?
As I mull over the answers to this question, I realize that, not only are there many, but that they have changed since I began. Or have they really?
My early blogs were an attempt to exercise my writing muscles, and to do so somewhat publicly (at the time, as Notes on Facebook, only my friends could actually see them) in order to make me accountable for writing regularly. Although I set the intention, I was vague about it and thus, my writings were inconsistent and unstructured. They were also a place to dump a lot of my thoughts and feelings in preparation for the book I started but eventually put aside as it wasn't going where I wanted to go with it.
More recently, I still blog to keep my writing muscles working, but the book I started is set firmly on the back burner which has finally been shut off as simmering wasn't really making a better soup any more. It was just making a pot of tasteless mush. It's not that I don't still want to write the book, but I need to figure out what direction I want to take with it. But the 18,000 or so words I did write, mostly just for my own eyes, accomplished something I wasn't expecting. They brought me to terms with my feelings. my grief and the self-blame I was carrying around. It gave me an understanding of why my parents made the choices they did: what drove them, why they were here and why they left, even though I will never know all of the reasons. I'm comforted by what I do know or believe and have used the knowledge to both understand and stop trying to control other areas of my life which are not mine to control.
Writing my blog has taught me the value of forgiveness, acceptance and asking for help when I can't figure something out by myself. It has brought me friendships I value and treasure beyond words.
Beyond all of this, and the biggest reason I continue to blog is that I now publicly and clearly set intentions and because I do so, I have been able to grow and evolve faster and more completely than I could in my quiet, insulated world.
When I publicly set an intention to make a change in my life, I feel like I am accountable, not only to myself but to my readers to make it happen. And with that accountability comes encouragement, suggestions when I am struggling, even a hand up when I stumble. When someone tells me "I look forward to reading your blog every day! I like to read it with my morning coffee!" In my mind, I hear "you can't disappoint someone who is being so loyal to you!" And so I blog, even if I'm exhausted and it's just a few lines.
I learn from my readers' comments whether here or when I link it to Facebook (where most of the comments have come). Everyone faces challenges in their lives and sometimes, the answer to our dilemma comes from someone else's experience. So I put those dilemmas out there and solutions have come, many times from unexpected places!
I put interesting and provocative dreams out here because I believe that if I remember one in detail long after waking in the morning, there is a message I am meant to derive from the dream. Sometimes those messages are blatant, but more often, they're buried under a lot of often irrational details. Again, assistance in finding the message has come from unexpected but very welcome sources.
I've never been concerned over using the right key words so that search engines will find me. Sometimes they do, but it's purely accidental. ( Most days I get anywhere from 15-60 hits, but one day I got several hundred!) It excites me to see that my blog has been looked at over 5,000 times which probably seems like nothing to those who blog to attract an audience, but for me, it means that at some point, I've written things which interest people enough to come back and look more than once.
But the ultimate reason I blog is because, somewhere in the back of my brain is the idea that, if I sit down every night and write (although right now I'm writing on my lunch hour), and can regularly write 3000-5000 words at a sitting, I will be ready to start my first book because I will have established a habit which is conducive to so much more! I'll be ready to dedicate more than an hour or two a day to the craft I have, according to someone who has known me that long, aspired to since I was about ten years old!
My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful to everyone who encourages me in my writing.
2. I am grateful for new opportunities to expand my skills.
3. I am grateful for people who are willing to share their experiences.
4. I am grateful for thoughts which nag until they are recounted.
5. I am grateful that I've taken another challenge to move me along my path.
Love and light.
As I mull over the answers to this question, I realize that, not only are there many, but that they have changed since I began. Or have they really?
My early blogs were an attempt to exercise my writing muscles, and to do so somewhat publicly (at the time, as Notes on Facebook, only my friends could actually see them) in order to make me accountable for writing regularly. Although I set the intention, I was vague about it and thus, my writings were inconsistent and unstructured. They were also a place to dump a lot of my thoughts and feelings in preparation for the book I started but eventually put aside as it wasn't going where I wanted to go with it.
More recently, I still blog to keep my writing muscles working, but the book I started is set firmly on the back burner which has finally been shut off as simmering wasn't really making a better soup any more. It was just making a pot of tasteless mush. It's not that I don't still want to write the book, but I need to figure out what direction I want to take with it. But the 18,000 or so words I did write, mostly just for my own eyes, accomplished something I wasn't expecting. They brought me to terms with my feelings. my grief and the self-blame I was carrying around. It gave me an understanding of why my parents made the choices they did: what drove them, why they were here and why they left, even though I will never know all of the reasons. I'm comforted by what I do know or believe and have used the knowledge to both understand and stop trying to control other areas of my life which are not mine to control.
Writing my blog has taught me the value of forgiveness, acceptance and asking for help when I can't figure something out by myself. It has brought me friendships I value and treasure beyond words.
Beyond all of this, and the biggest reason I continue to blog is that I now publicly and clearly set intentions and because I do so, I have been able to grow and evolve faster and more completely than I could in my quiet, insulated world.
When I publicly set an intention to make a change in my life, I feel like I am accountable, not only to myself but to my readers to make it happen. And with that accountability comes encouragement, suggestions when I am struggling, even a hand up when I stumble. When someone tells me "I look forward to reading your blog every day! I like to read it with my morning coffee!" In my mind, I hear "you can't disappoint someone who is being so loyal to you!" And so I blog, even if I'm exhausted and it's just a few lines.
I learn from my readers' comments whether here or when I link it to Facebook (where most of the comments have come). Everyone faces challenges in their lives and sometimes, the answer to our dilemma comes from someone else's experience. So I put those dilemmas out there and solutions have come, many times from unexpected places!
I put interesting and provocative dreams out here because I believe that if I remember one in detail long after waking in the morning, there is a message I am meant to derive from the dream. Sometimes those messages are blatant, but more often, they're buried under a lot of often irrational details. Again, assistance in finding the message has come from unexpected but very welcome sources.
I've never been concerned over using the right key words so that search engines will find me. Sometimes they do, but it's purely accidental. ( Most days I get anywhere from 15-60 hits, but one day I got several hundred!) It excites me to see that my blog has been looked at over 5,000 times which probably seems like nothing to those who blog to attract an audience, but for me, it means that at some point, I've written things which interest people enough to come back and look more than once.
But the ultimate reason I blog is because, somewhere in the back of my brain is the idea that, if I sit down every night and write (although right now I'm writing on my lunch hour), and can regularly write 3000-5000 words at a sitting, I will be ready to start my first book because I will have established a habit which is conducive to so much more! I'll be ready to dedicate more than an hour or two a day to the craft I have, according to someone who has known me that long, aspired to since I was about ten years old!
My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful to everyone who encourages me in my writing.
2. I am grateful for new opportunities to expand my skills.
3. I am grateful for people who are willing to share their experiences.
4. I am grateful for thoughts which nag until they are recounted.
5. I am grateful that I've taken another challenge to move me along my path.
Love and light.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
April 3, 2013 Gotta love the Universe!
Although I should have expected it, I have to admit to a little surprise at the plethora of opportunities for complaining that the Universe has hurled my way today! Not for the first time, as soon as I set a new intention, my resolve is well and truly tested! I did catch myself a few times and turned what might have been a complaint into a positive statement, but I didn't allow for complaints which were not voiced. Do those count too, or is it extra bonus points if you don't allow them to be expressed? I'm new to this no complaining thing (I admit, I can rant with the best of them!) so I am not entirely clear on the rules. But since I've set the challenge, do I get to make the rules myself? If so, I'm certainly going to be more lenient about errant thoughts.
As I've learned with turning my thoughts towards the positive in order to attract what I do want as opposed what I do not want, altering our thought patterns is probably one of the toughest tasks we undertake. Thankfully, along with so many opportunities to complain, I've been presented with even more opportunities to be grateful. Allowing the desire to be grateful to outweigh the desire to complain has made what might have been an uphill battle simply a challenge. I won't say I was perfect, but I think I did a pretty good job of it, so good, in fact, that I think I'll extend the day of no complaints into tomorrow as well!
As it was, my sweet cat, Scooby had to have two teeth extracted when they did his cleaning today, so it's soft food for him for a few days, not that he'll complain about getting canned food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, but it also means that I'll have to keep him away from the other furry darlings who would be more than happy to eschew their free fed dry food for additional servings of canned. They are certainly going to be less than amused when I, once again, pick up their dry food so Scooby can have the run of the house tonight. Scooby was quite the trooper when I wrapped him in a towel to drop the first of 14 pills down his throat. I didn't need to stick my finger in or use a pill pusher. He just swallowed it right down! I can't help but be proud of my boy when he was so good before, during and after the vet visit today!
It's funny. I was so anxious to sit down and write tonight that I sat down at the computer hours earlier than normal, but now that I'm here, I can't figure out what to write. It may have to do with earlier discussions about the writing being my reward for having completed other tasks which, as of this moment, have not been accomplished.
It's official. Good habits are much harder to argue with than bad ones, any day of the week! Despite falling asleep on the couch while reading a book tonight, I found it impossible to skip making lunches for tomorrow before I blogged or went to bed! I really tried to talk myself out of it, but this habit of the last couple of months is pretty tenacious and refused to budge no matter how much I begged for a little break! "You will be sorry in the morning" it argued. "You will still have to throw something together and then you will be late for work." it threw in for good measure. But the final kicker was "you've been so good about doing this and how will you deserve your reward if you don't do what's right first?" <sigh> A conscience is far worse than the immovable object meets the irresistible force. It hits you where you cannot possibly avoid it and knows you better than anyone!
To be honest, I really do appreciate the fact that the good habits are so well ingrained. If nothing else, I find that while I'm doing those mindless, repetitive tasks like cutting up fruits and vegetables and scrambling eggs, I'm getting ideas on what to write. It's almost like writer's therapy. The writing clears my mind for sleep, but the lunch making brings everything to the surface so I can unburden. I add heat to the soup in my mind, the ideas form and bubble to the surface making it easier to capture and put them into words on the page (or screen as it were). Clearly, I've developed a process without even realizing it.
Of course, that begs the question, when I do finally sit down and write that book or seven, will it require 15-30 minutes of kitchen time before I can properly focus and write? I can just see the interviews now. "Ms. Conaway, how did you come up with the idea for your latest book?" "Well, Tom, to be honest, it came to me while preparing a light repast for a few close friends!" "But the book has nothing to do with cooking." "Oh, I know. Cooking has long been my way of clearing my mind to let the creativity flow better." "In other words, you cook up your books?" "Well, that is one way of looking at it!"
Coming full circle, as good habits stick so incredibly well, I will consider this Day 2 of setting a habit of gratitude instead of complaints. The last few have taken about 30 days to set in, so May should see me complaint free if all goes as planned.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for established routines and habits which will not be thwarted.
2. I am grateful for the good health of my furry kids, as evidenced by their excessive demands for attention.
3. I am grateful for my increased workload as it bodes well for future activities.
4. I am grateful for an increasing need/desire to sit down and write as it means that my theory of regularly scheduled writing is the way to reach my goals.
5. I am grateful for a warm bed full of purrs that waits for me to end a very long, productive day.
Love and light
As I've learned with turning my thoughts towards the positive in order to attract what I do want as opposed what I do not want, altering our thought patterns is probably one of the toughest tasks we undertake. Thankfully, along with so many opportunities to complain, I've been presented with even more opportunities to be grateful. Allowing the desire to be grateful to outweigh the desire to complain has made what might have been an uphill battle simply a challenge. I won't say I was perfect, but I think I did a pretty good job of it, so good, in fact, that I think I'll extend the day of no complaints into tomorrow as well!
As it was, my sweet cat, Scooby had to have two teeth extracted when they did his cleaning today, so it's soft food for him for a few days, not that he'll complain about getting canned food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, but it also means that I'll have to keep him away from the other furry darlings who would be more than happy to eschew their free fed dry food for additional servings of canned. They are certainly going to be less than amused when I, once again, pick up their dry food so Scooby can have the run of the house tonight. Scooby was quite the trooper when I wrapped him in a towel to drop the first of 14 pills down his throat. I didn't need to stick my finger in or use a pill pusher. He just swallowed it right down! I can't help but be proud of my boy when he was so good before, during and after the vet visit today!
It's funny. I was so anxious to sit down and write tonight that I sat down at the computer hours earlier than normal, but now that I'm here, I can't figure out what to write. It may have to do with earlier discussions about the writing being my reward for having completed other tasks which, as of this moment, have not been accomplished.
It's official. Good habits are much harder to argue with than bad ones, any day of the week! Despite falling asleep on the couch while reading a book tonight, I found it impossible to skip making lunches for tomorrow before I blogged or went to bed! I really tried to talk myself out of it, but this habit of the last couple of months is pretty tenacious and refused to budge no matter how much I begged for a little break! "You will be sorry in the morning" it argued. "You will still have to throw something together and then you will be late for work." it threw in for good measure. But the final kicker was "you've been so good about doing this and how will you deserve your reward if you don't do what's right first?" <sigh> A conscience is far worse than the immovable object meets the irresistible force. It hits you where you cannot possibly avoid it and knows you better than anyone!
To be honest, I really do appreciate the fact that the good habits are so well ingrained. If nothing else, I find that while I'm doing those mindless, repetitive tasks like cutting up fruits and vegetables and scrambling eggs, I'm getting ideas on what to write. It's almost like writer's therapy. The writing clears my mind for sleep, but the lunch making brings everything to the surface so I can unburden. I add heat to the soup in my mind, the ideas form and bubble to the surface making it easier to capture and put them into words on the page (or screen as it were). Clearly, I've developed a process without even realizing it.
Of course, that begs the question, when I do finally sit down and write that book or seven, will it require 15-30 minutes of kitchen time before I can properly focus and write? I can just see the interviews now. "Ms. Conaway, how did you come up with the idea for your latest book?" "Well, Tom, to be honest, it came to me while preparing a light repast for a few close friends!" "But the book has nothing to do with cooking." "Oh, I know. Cooking has long been my way of clearing my mind to let the creativity flow better." "In other words, you cook up your books?" "Well, that is one way of looking at it!"
Coming full circle, as good habits stick so incredibly well, I will consider this Day 2 of setting a habit of gratitude instead of complaints. The last few have taken about 30 days to set in, so May should see me complaint free if all goes as planned.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for established routines and habits which will not be thwarted.
2. I am grateful for the good health of my furry kids, as evidenced by their excessive demands for attention.
3. I am grateful for my increased workload as it bodes well for future activities.
4. I am grateful for an increasing need/desire to sit down and write as it means that my theory of regularly scheduled writing is the way to reach my goals.
5. I am grateful for a warm bed full of purrs that waits for me to end a very long, productive day.
Love and light
April 2, 2013 National No Complaining Day
"Go 24 hours without complaining (not even once!). Then watch how your life starts changing."
I saw this quote several times today, when it occurred to me that it was a great topic for a blog post. How many of us, in all honesty, can go through an entire day without griping about something, be it traffic, the weather, a co-worker, our kids, our weight...something? But what is life without a challenge or two, so as I'm already in the midst of one challenge, why not another? I am going to endeavor to get through tomorrow without a single complaint.
Who's with me on this? What a great experiment! Just as I found that being positive altered my world for the better, going even a day without a complaint should surely yield similar results!
There are a ton of causes out there these days. World Autism day, Earth Day, Take your daughter to work day... something for everyone in all of the "days". So why not a "No complaining Day"? This is something every single person in the world can relate to! You don't have to know someone who's been affected or go out and pick up trash or try to keep your twelve year old daughter occupied through one of your work days. All you have to do is stop yourself every time a complaint might be uttered. It reminds me a bit of a book I read as a child (and yes, I still have it in my collection). It is called "Mrs. Piggle Wiggle's Magic" and features a woman who helps cure children of lying, not listening and a variety of other maladies in a somewhat humorous way. The child who lies spits out little black clouds which hang over his head and follow him everywhere. When he finally learns to swallow the lies, the little black clouds start to disappear. So if we think of our complaints as little black clouds, our goal is to have a day of nothing but blue skies! The reality is, we have nothing to lose by giving this a try.
I suspect, too, that for those who are keeping a joy jar, a day without complaints would definitely be noteworthy for the joy jar! I don't expect to make it through a whole day of no complaints without a few tools! My ever-present, imaginary heart shaped confetti may well get a good workout before the 24 hours is done. I presume I may also need a healthy store of love and light to direct at people and challenges which try to thwart me in my mission. Whatever it takes, though, should be worth the effort because without complaints, there's a significant reduction in negative energy and I challenge anyone to explain to me how that could possibly be a bad thing!
It also occurs to me that I will make ample use of the Hamster of Happiness button which sits on my desk at work, courtesy of my daughter of the warped sense of humor. Perhaps the dancing sheep who sings "Move like Jagger" would be a worthy addition to the scenario as well. I guess, when I think about it, the real key is to find the humor in any and everything while eschewing complaints. It is pretty difficult to be angry or cranky when you're giggling over something ridiculous, so by making the day a series of pockets of absurdity, the need to complain about anything diminishes exponentially.
I'm getting a little carried away with this concept, but my mind has gone from "no complaining" to having absurd thoughts from the moment my eyes open in response to either my alarm or my hungry furballs (made worse tonight by the fact that the food had to be picked up by 8:00 PM to accommodate Scooby who is having his teeth cleaned in the morning (you haven't experienced halitosis until you've had a cat who is overdo for a cleaning! ) At any rate, I'm stealing a page from the "think 5 impossible things before breakfast" crowd and setting my sights on having as many absurd thoughts as possible!
Stay tuned for reports on massive amounts of absurdity and the demise of the complaint (even if it's only for a day!)
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the opportunity to share laughs with friends.
2. I am grateful for a heavy work load as it gives me more opportunity to be productive.
3. I am grateful for an expanded network which increases the ideas coming to me.
4. I am grateful for connections with others who share my activities.
5. I am grateful for multiple dance nights for the sake of my sanity.
Love and light.
I saw this quote several times today, when it occurred to me that it was a great topic for a blog post. How many of us, in all honesty, can go through an entire day without griping about something, be it traffic, the weather, a co-worker, our kids, our weight...something? But what is life without a challenge or two, so as I'm already in the midst of one challenge, why not another? I am going to endeavor to get through tomorrow without a single complaint.
Who's with me on this? What a great experiment! Just as I found that being positive altered my world for the better, going even a day without a complaint should surely yield similar results!
There are a ton of causes out there these days. World Autism day, Earth Day, Take your daughter to work day... something for everyone in all of the "days". So why not a "No complaining Day"? This is something every single person in the world can relate to! You don't have to know someone who's been affected or go out and pick up trash or try to keep your twelve year old daughter occupied through one of your work days. All you have to do is stop yourself every time a complaint might be uttered. It reminds me a bit of a book I read as a child (and yes, I still have it in my collection). It is called "Mrs. Piggle Wiggle's Magic" and features a woman who helps cure children of lying, not listening and a variety of other maladies in a somewhat humorous way. The child who lies spits out little black clouds which hang over his head and follow him everywhere. When he finally learns to swallow the lies, the little black clouds start to disappear. So if we think of our complaints as little black clouds, our goal is to have a day of nothing but blue skies! The reality is, we have nothing to lose by giving this a try.
I suspect, too, that for those who are keeping a joy jar, a day without complaints would definitely be noteworthy for the joy jar! I don't expect to make it through a whole day of no complaints without a few tools! My ever-present, imaginary heart shaped confetti may well get a good workout before the 24 hours is done. I presume I may also need a healthy store of love and light to direct at people and challenges which try to thwart me in my mission. Whatever it takes, though, should be worth the effort because without complaints, there's a significant reduction in negative energy and I challenge anyone to explain to me how that could possibly be a bad thing!
It also occurs to me that I will make ample use of the Hamster of Happiness button which sits on my desk at work, courtesy of my daughter of the warped sense of humor. Perhaps the dancing sheep who sings "Move like Jagger" would be a worthy addition to the scenario as well. I guess, when I think about it, the real key is to find the humor in any and everything while eschewing complaints. It is pretty difficult to be angry or cranky when you're giggling over something ridiculous, so by making the day a series of pockets of absurdity, the need to complain about anything diminishes exponentially.
I'm getting a little carried away with this concept, but my mind has gone from "no complaining" to having absurd thoughts from the moment my eyes open in response to either my alarm or my hungry furballs (made worse tonight by the fact that the food had to be picked up by 8:00 PM to accommodate Scooby who is having his teeth cleaned in the morning (you haven't experienced halitosis until you've had a cat who is overdo for a cleaning! ) At any rate, I'm stealing a page from the "think 5 impossible things before breakfast" crowd and setting my sights on having as many absurd thoughts as possible!
Stay tuned for reports on massive amounts of absurdity and the demise of the complaint (even if it's only for a day!)
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the opportunity to share laughs with friends.
2. I am grateful for a heavy work load as it gives me more opportunity to be productive.
3. I am grateful for an expanded network which increases the ideas coming to me.
4. I am grateful for connections with others who share my activities.
5. I am grateful for multiple dance nights for the sake of my sanity.
Love and light.
Monday, April 1, 2013
April 1, 2013 Evolution
Those of you who have been following this blog know that I set an intention last August to blog daily, and, for the most part I've kept that promise to myself made in what I felt then was a public forum. Given my love of the printed word, both my own and that of others, as evidenced by the extensive library in my home, it wasn't such a hard promise to keep, especially when I found that by writing at night before I went to bed, my sleep improved immeasurably!
Today, I take that intention one step further by joining a more public Ultimate Blog Challenge. This event is touted to not only give me the opportunity to share with other bloggers, but offers some tools to blog better and, I'm hoping, make my blog more interesting and even *gasp* more useful to a wider audience. Although I am not currently using this blog to sell or earn anything, but merely as both an outlet for my need to write and a place to share what I'm learning while traveling this particular Human Experience on my Spiritual Path, I join a group who blog for reasons of their own, some of which may well be monetary. I believe this opportunity was put in my path for a reason, and am excited to see where it takes me and how my blog, once again, evolves. I look forward, now, to sharing my thoughts with a wider audience, and to learning from others who are at different stages in the blogging experience. (It still amazes me that I've actually been pecking away for someone besides myself for over 4 years!) I am looking forward to comments, questions, suggestions and examples for improving not only this blog but the person behind the page!
One of the rather interesting side effects of setting new intentions is that my efficiency increases, at least in the short run, and perhaps even longer. Traffic, or lack thereof tonight was even cooperating! I don't know where everyone who normally lengthens my commute was tonight, but you certainly won't hear me complain if they stay there from now on! A 20 instead of 30-35 minute drive home suits me just fine and gets me here with a lot more energy which wasn't expended on sitting, waiting and attempting to avoid the antics of other drivers also anxious to get home!
After a quick and not as healthy as usual dinner, I caught up on some email, cleaned the cat boxes, swept and mopped the floors, took out the trash and started a load of laundry! For me, this is an excessive amount of ambition after a full day's work, but as I've mentioned before, I consider writing in my blog my reward for taking care of other things first, whether it be lunches, cleaning the kitchen, medicating the cat or finishing chores, so it follows that the more chores and other tasks I complete first, the more I get to write! (OK, so lunches aren't made yet, but as it's not even 9:00 PM and everything else is done, I am giving myself an early evening gift tonight!)
In retrospect, not all of the intentions I've set have become habit yet, but those which have are so deeply ingrained that it is almost impossible for me to neglect them now. Because this is so, I have no doubt that others will follow with equal or better success, in their own time. I'm finding that when I set an intention, the seed is sown, but if the timing isn't right, it may not germinate at that time. It doesn't mean that I can't make something work for me, it just means that I'll have to set the intention again at a later time, in hopes that I get the timing right if I keep trying to make it stick. It's a lot like learning a new line dance. If I don't like the music, or if some of the steps seem awkward to me, no amount of practice is going to result in the muscle memory I eventually find with each dance I learn and learn well. However, in some cases, I might find that later on, I can try learning the dance again and it just clicks, though there are others that my mind just refuses to accept and they will always be the ones I sit out.
My intentions, however are things I really want to change in my life, so I'm hoping that I won't sit out the ones which have yet to take hold indefinitely. Granted, sometimes, the Universe steps in and changes things up. Sometimes, this is done because the intention I set isn't really what I need to get where I'm going so it needs to be altered. Achieving that altered state might take some doing, or some resetting or even a complete 180 when I find something which shows me a better way. But sometimes, I know the Universe is just having a little fun at my expense and teaching me patience by giving me frustration. I could talk myself hoarse trying to convince my wonderful nemesis that my patience is getting better, but in the end, I'd just get more frustration for my trouble. Clearly there is a reason I'm being pushed to become more patient and until I hit the desired level, I'll continue to get lessons.
The intention I have not yet been able to turn into a habit is regular exercising. My knee has been twinging and I know I need to do the exercises for it every day, but still, I manage to miss more than I get. I bought the Wii and the Wii Fit, but haven't been on it in ages. That doesn't mean I'm sitting around doing nothing all the time. I'm dancing at least 2 or 3 nights a week, and am on the floor more and more lately. I have been taking lots of opportunities to walk, though I haven't managed to hook up with friends for a hike yet. I am practicing line dances in my living room, much to the amusement and annoyance of my cats. (but I was able to learn one dance well enough to be able to avoid other dancers who don't quite have it yet! Who better than cats to teach you to change direction quickly due to an unpredictably moving obstacle? Essentially, what I'm trying to say is that I will keep reiterating this particular intention until it finds its time and starts to put down roots. I know I will be the better for it, and really can't quite understand why it hasn't managed to set in, but perhaps taking on another responsibility like this Ultimate Blog Challenge as well as a new opportunity to write in another forum will give me the impetus I need to bring that intention to fruition.
In the meantime, maintaining the intentions I have set will certainly occupy more time and require increased efficiency on my part. Just as things getting busier at work are causing me to prioritize better and wake up earlier so I get out of the house sooner. In the last couple of months I've gone from rushing out of the house between 5 and 15 minutes late every morning to leisurely walking out the door 5 to 15 minutes early. It makes the start of the workday a lot calmer when I can take my time getting settled in, cooking up my eggs and checking mail for potential new tasks. I can take the time to review due dates and mentally prioritize my growing list of requirements. It also means that when my brain has had enough, I can and do take some time to defrag it so it is clear and ready to move on to the next assignment.
Now that I've done the usual meandering between topics, I'll finish it up with tonight's gratitudes and get this puppy shared with the masses.
1. I am grateful for opportunities to expand my horizons.
2. I am grateful for efficiencies.
3. I am grateful for new resources.
4. I am grateful for a chance to step outside a comfort zone I hadn't realized I was in.
5. I am grateful for new sources of feedback and writing ideas.
Love and light.
Today, I take that intention one step further by joining a more public Ultimate Blog Challenge. This event is touted to not only give me the opportunity to share with other bloggers, but offers some tools to blog better and, I'm hoping, make my blog more interesting and even *gasp* more useful to a wider audience. Although I am not currently using this blog to sell or earn anything, but merely as both an outlet for my need to write and a place to share what I'm learning while traveling this particular Human Experience on my Spiritual Path, I join a group who blog for reasons of their own, some of which may well be monetary. I believe this opportunity was put in my path for a reason, and am excited to see where it takes me and how my blog, once again, evolves. I look forward, now, to sharing my thoughts with a wider audience, and to learning from others who are at different stages in the blogging experience. (It still amazes me that I've actually been pecking away for someone besides myself for over 4 years!) I am looking forward to comments, questions, suggestions and examples for improving not only this blog but the person behind the page!
One of the rather interesting side effects of setting new intentions is that my efficiency increases, at least in the short run, and perhaps even longer. Traffic, or lack thereof tonight was even cooperating! I don't know where everyone who normally lengthens my commute was tonight, but you certainly won't hear me complain if they stay there from now on! A 20 instead of 30-35 minute drive home suits me just fine and gets me here with a lot more energy which wasn't expended on sitting, waiting and attempting to avoid the antics of other drivers also anxious to get home!
After a quick and not as healthy as usual dinner, I caught up on some email, cleaned the cat boxes, swept and mopped the floors, took out the trash and started a load of laundry! For me, this is an excessive amount of ambition after a full day's work, but as I've mentioned before, I consider writing in my blog my reward for taking care of other things first, whether it be lunches, cleaning the kitchen, medicating the cat or finishing chores, so it follows that the more chores and other tasks I complete first, the more I get to write! (OK, so lunches aren't made yet, but as it's not even 9:00 PM and everything else is done, I am giving myself an early evening gift tonight!)
In retrospect, not all of the intentions I've set have become habit yet, but those which have are so deeply ingrained that it is almost impossible for me to neglect them now. Because this is so, I have no doubt that others will follow with equal or better success, in their own time. I'm finding that when I set an intention, the seed is sown, but if the timing isn't right, it may not germinate at that time. It doesn't mean that I can't make something work for me, it just means that I'll have to set the intention again at a later time, in hopes that I get the timing right if I keep trying to make it stick. It's a lot like learning a new line dance. If I don't like the music, or if some of the steps seem awkward to me, no amount of practice is going to result in the muscle memory I eventually find with each dance I learn and learn well. However, in some cases, I might find that later on, I can try learning the dance again and it just clicks, though there are others that my mind just refuses to accept and they will always be the ones I sit out.
My intentions, however are things I really want to change in my life, so I'm hoping that I won't sit out the ones which have yet to take hold indefinitely. Granted, sometimes, the Universe steps in and changes things up. Sometimes, this is done because the intention I set isn't really what I need to get where I'm going so it needs to be altered. Achieving that altered state might take some doing, or some resetting or even a complete 180 when I find something which shows me a better way. But sometimes, I know the Universe is just having a little fun at my expense and teaching me patience by giving me frustration. I could talk myself hoarse trying to convince my wonderful nemesis that my patience is getting better, but in the end, I'd just get more frustration for my trouble. Clearly there is a reason I'm being pushed to become more patient and until I hit the desired level, I'll continue to get lessons.
The intention I have not yet been able to turn into a habit is regular exercising. My knee has been twinging and I know I need to do the exercises for it every day, but still, I manage to miss more than I get. I bought the Wii and the Wii Fit, but haven't been on it in ages. That doesn't mean I'm sitting around doing nothing all the time. I'm dancing at least 2 or 3 nights a week, and am on the floor more and more lately. I have been taking lots of opportunities to walk, though I haven't managed to hook up with friends for a hike yet. I am practicing line dances in my living room, much to the amusement and annoyance of my cats. (but I was able to learn one dance well enough to be able to avoid other dancers who don't quite have it yet! Who better than cats to teach you to change direction quickly due to an unpredictably moving obstacle? Essentially, what I'm trying to say is that I will keep reiterating this particular intention until it finds its time and starts to put down roots. I know I will be the better for it, and really can't quite understand why it hasn't managed to set in, but perhaps taking on another responsibility like this Ultimate Blog Challenge as well as a new opportunity to write in another forum will give me the impetus I need to bring that intention to fruition.
In the meantime, maintaining the intentions I have set will certainly occupy more time and require increased efficiency on my part. Just as things getting busier at work are causing me to prioritize better and wake up earlier so I get out of the house sooner. In the last couple of months I've gone from rushing out of the house between 5 and 15 minutes late every morning to leisurely walking out the door 5 to 15 minutes early. It makes the start of the workday a lot calmer when I can take my time getting settled in, cooking up my eggs and checking mail for potential new tasks. I can take the time to review due dates and mentally prioritize my growing list of requirements. It also means that when my brain has had enough, I can and do take some time to defrag it so it is clear and ready to move on to the next assignment.
Now that I've done the usual meandering between topics, I'll finish it up with tonight's gratitudes and get this puppy shared with the masses.
1. I am grateful for opportunities to expand my horizons.
2. I am grateful for efficiencies.
3. I am grateful for new resources.
4. I am grateful for a chance to step outside a comfort zone I hadn't realized I was in.
5. I am grateful for new sources of feedback and writing ideas.
Love and light.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)