June 9, 2013 Random thoughts on even more random topics.

I woke early this morning to a veritable parade of cats, taking turns walking up my chest to get some love and attention.  This is not my usual morning routine, mind you.  Typically, I wake to Dylan wrapped around my head, perhaps with a paw across my brow, giving me my morning exfoliation.  Meanwhile, Toby is snuggled either beside me or across my chest, forcing his head into my hand in a not-so-subtle reminder that the Cat needs attention.  In the midst of all of this kitty love, Loki will parade back and forth across me, occasionally sticking her nose in my face to emit a loud "mrrrrrrrrrrrow!" to indicate her displeasure that I have not immediately risen (despite the fact that it's o dark thirty) to give her the food she wants, rather than what is always out!

But this morning, one after another, they were walking up my chest, pausing for skritches, then prancing off so the next one could take their turn.

I don't know about other pet owners (or in the case of cats, pet staff), but when my little darlings change their behavior, it makes me wonder if they are sensing something my feeble human sensory system has yet to detect. 


On another topic (what a surprise, I know), my intention to help other people find their joy is manifesting itself in unexpected ways.  This week, I was invited to guest blog!  My post, "Heralding Change" is appearing in a blog hosted by Nicola Sunny!!  It makes me realize that, many times, when you just speak from the heart, you'll find that other people will relate to what you're saying!  If I ever need encouragement to keep writing in my own, randomly inimitable style, I'll remember this moment in time! 

And yet another topic change!

Over the years, my circle of friends has been comprised of both straights and gays, not by any kind of design, but simply through shared interests or values.  It never really occurred to me to question it because, quite frankly, in the case of friendship, a person's sexual orientation simply doesn't enter into the equation as far as I'm concerned.  I suppose there are people who establish friendships with the express intent or hope of a romantic, or at least sexual liason, but I've never really been one of those people.  In fact, more than one person has pointed out over the years that, quite often, I'm completely oblivious to someone's interest in me that way, until I'm practically bonked over the head with it.  (and for the record, it's been a long time since the last head bonk. :))

At any rate, I've had a couple of conversations in the last couple of weeks which involved gay men who fathered children in the usual manner before either discovering or simply embracing their true selves and living their lives openly as a gay male.  Where I get curious (and I know that curiosity killed the proverbial cat) is how, if a man is sexually aroused by other men rather than women, are they able to have sexual relations with a woman to father one, if not multiple children?  Admittedly, to this day, I don't really understand the male of the species, but I would think that it would be difficult, if not impossible to achieve arousal with someone who doesn't, well, arouse you.   Of course, my more than slightly warped mind immediately brings up the picture of a guy imagining himself with someone else or bringing forth a magazine image of his perfect mate in order to perform his husbandly duties.

Is it just me, or has this question ever occurred to other people? 

One more topic change, and I promise, this will be the last one tonight!  After going through my regular routine tonight, someone actually accused me of being incredibly organized!  Me!  The "organized chaos" poster child!!!  But as I thought about it, I realized that it isn't so much that I'm organized as that I set intentions, create habits, then set more and so on.  Thus, I get to the gym on my scheduled days, most of the time, making up for missed days (again, most of the time) within a day or two.  Laundry gets done on one of two days every week, lunches are made every two days, the coffee pot gets set up at the beginning of my work week, and again when I've emptied it.  Grocery shopping is done weekly as I prefer fresh fruits and veggies, so my refrigerator is also cleaned out fairly regularly.  The dishwasher is typically run on Sunday nights as it takes me a week (and sometimes more to accumulate a washer full of dirty dishes.  But best of all, my kitchen is set to rights every night before I go to bed!  I do NOT miss the days of waking up to a sink full of dirty dishes and scrounging for counter space to do the smallest task!

I've also discovered that when an area gets cluttered, I spaz out until I've found a way to unclutter it again.  Something else which was never a problem for me in the past!  It seems that the more intentions I set and habits I form, the more picky I become about what is in my environment.  Certainly, I have not yet gotten to the point where my home is spotless as are those of so many of my friends.  Frankly, I have a long way to go in that department.  But for me to keep the kitchen clean and the clutter to a minimum is a huge step and I have to take a moment to be proud of myself for what I've accomplished, all of it by taking baby steps!

I've always preached that to complete large tasks, they need to be broken down into manageable pieces, but it wasn't until the last year or so that I truly put that theory into practice on a regular basis.  The funny part is, I didn't really realize that was what I was doing!  I simply saw things in my life I wanted to improve or change, and learned to take them one at a time!  As time goes on, each of those changes becomes more and more ingrained, and I find myself unable to keep from doing whatever is necessary to maintain those changes!

And on that note (ok, so I said that was the last topic change and this is a new one.   But it really just follows from the last one!  Really!!!), now that my last intention seems to be well settled into my weekly routine, I'm going to embark on a new one.  My daughter gave me a set of Zumba dvd's which came with a set of special hand weights.  I'm going to add 2 Zumba workouts per week to my current routine.  I have to figure out just when the best time to do them will be, but once I do, the fun begins!!

OK, no more new topics.  Just my gratitudes!

1. I'm grateful for well-established new habits which just dare me to deviate!
2. I am grateful for a clean car, clean kitchen and a refrigerator full of fresh goodies for this week's healthy meals.
3. I am grateful to my daughter for a delicious, home cooked dinner!
4. I am grateful for a healthy body with knees and abs that are getting stronger every day!
5. I am grateful for the opportunity to share my sometimes disconnected ramblings with people, and that some of them actually strike a positive chord in my readers.

Love and light.

June 8, 2013 Working off Better than Sex cake with a wild night of dancing.

Mulling over the dream from the other night, it occurs to me that the part involving poison could well have a deeper meaning.  The fact that the details are still very clear a couple of days later has always been an indication that there is an important message I'm supposed to derive, so I really need to keep working this out until I understand what I'm supposed to understand!

Poison can really have a number of meanings.  It could be that something or someone in my life is toxic to me.  It could be that something I, myself, am doing is poisoning my efforts or a relationship.  It could be that something toxic is coming into my life and I need to take steps to dilute or nullify its effect. 

At this point, I'm at a loss even as to whether it is a warning of something to come or an alert to something which is already present.  Without knowing at least whether it's here or on the way, it is difficult to determine what action should be taken.

I suppose I should also be disturbed by the fact that my subconscious sees no difference between weed killer and anxiety medication, but frankly, I can't honestly say I disagree! 

Life seems to be chugging along quite peacefully at the moment, so until I receive a more definitive answer, I will remain alert but unworried.

The vanity which was lost in space for a couple of weeks is now safely stowed in my spare bedroom pending installation which I may even attempt myself!  I got about halfway through an online traffic school, taken as a result of a ticket I received a couple of months ago.  I realized this week that the due date for completion of the course was drawing near and I needed to make sure the course was completed and the final test passed before this weekend drew to a close.  The stuff is boring as all get out, but as I managed to get halfway through today, I see no reason I can't finish it tomorrow after going to the gym and getting groceries.

Of course, being Saturday night, I had to take a break from it all to join my friends for a night of dancing.  One of the guys wore his girlfriend out with a 15 mile hike today, so I got an extra workout tonight as he was available to two-step, and gives me an amazing workout!!!  Good thing, too, because Heather is gearing up for the county fair again, and brought both lemon tarts in a shortbread crust and what we have all deemed a chocolate cake that was better than sex (even the married women agreed!).  She filled it with a whipped cream/Nutella mixture and topped it with fudge.  The cake itself was incredibly light and a single bite was total bliss!!  I went through the better part of a pitcher of water and sweated like a farm worker on a summer day in Fresno! 
But it was all good, and everyone is more than happy to be Heather's guinea pigs as she experiments with her entries for the fair.  (not that she ever lacks for people willing to participate in the before fair test process!)  We also have a friend who has access to an abundance of fruit trees, and is happy to provide lemons for the tarts, and a willingness to be one of the aforementioned guinea pigs!

As is probably abundantly obvious, I'm still experimenting with inserting images into my posts.  Sometimes, the images behave themselves and go where I want them to, allowing me to type where I want to, and other times, I have to throw up my hands saying "fine!  If that's where you want to float, who am I, a mere human, to argue?"    But I am learning a few things, like saving the image and editing it in my picture editor before inserting it into my post.  One of these days, I may even be as proficient as some of the bloggers who insert pictures in their blogs every day!  But for now, I hope my readers will bear with my fumbling attempts to jazz up my blog with a little graphicality. 

Tonight's gratitudes are;
1. I am grateful for the extra dancing I got tonight to make up for my sugar consumption,
2. I am grateful for the opportunity to hang with friends who love dancing as much as I do.
3. I am grateful for a day filled with accomplishments, joy and healthy activities.
4. I am grateful to be part of a group of people, the youngest of whom are in their 40's and the oldest, in their 80's, who can still dance several nights a week, for 3 or 4 hours a night.
5. I am grateful for my health, my endurance, and my ever increasing stamina!

Love and light.

June 7, 2013 And the Universal headslaps continue, but I'll find peace within myself.

Just when I think I've made progress in the self-improvement department, I get a not-so-subtle reminder via my dreams that there is work yet to be done.

Last night, I was dreaming that someone asked me to pick up some poison as she'd heard that putting a drop in 16 ounces of orange juice was a great aid to weight loss.  As she didn't specify what kind, I picked up what, in the dream was weed killer, but I kept calling it "diazepam" which, upon googling it, I discovered is actually an anti-anxiety drug (is there another message here?).  I put a drop in my bottle of orange juice and walked around drinking it, not realizing that this particular poison disbursed much larger drops than what was recommended for this process.

As I began feeling more and more ill with a blazing headache and nausea, I found myself rummaging through my refrigerator in search of more orange juice to dilute the effects of what I'd consumed.  Meanwhile, my ex-husband was sitting in a chair, watching tv and ignoring my distress, and a group of friends was arriving for a pre-planned evening out, for which I was not ready.

The short version of my "reminder" here is that I believed that I had forgiven my ex (and myself) for all ills, both real and perceived, during both our 11 year marriage and 3 year divorce.  Clearly, I still have some work to do!

A few things popped out at me from this little dream vignette:
1.  All too often, when I've developed a headache while sleeping, it manages to find a way into my dream until I finally awaken from the very real pain.  Today was no exception.
2.  It's interesting to me that when I dream of needing a little help but that help is being withheld, it's typically my ex who is the culprit!  I've also noticed that when he appears in my dreams, he is merely a shadowy, faceless figure representing the man, almost like the heard but not seen parents in the Peanuts cartoons.  Meanwhile, everyone else in the dream appear very clear and recognizable.
3. The fact that my dream mind referred to a drug as "poison" isn't really that far off of what I believe anyway. 

Of course, after the realizations come the questions:
1. What is it that is still unresolved? 
2. What do I need to do to resolve it once and for all?
3. Do the headaches come first or the dreams?
4. Why would I even dream of considering a drastic weight loss idea, given that I truly believe that a healthy diet and regular exercise are the key to a healthy body (notwithstanding the fact that I'm not currently at a healthy weight.  I am walking the walk to get there)?  I am also one of the biggest anti-drug (including and especially legal ones) poster child imaginable!  Even my body rejects the idea by developing allergies to all of the antibiotics to which it is introduced!
5. Are these unresolved issues key to my seeming inability to connect with anyone on a deep level?
What's a girl to do???? 



Left to my own devices, I simply add it to my list of things to meditate on.  And since my own devices are exactly what I have right now, I will do exactly that!  Though, once on my list, they become, not only things to meditate on, but also to sleep on, because, quite often, the answers to questions which arose in my dreams will also come from dreams!  How's that for handy?



No matter how crazy and complicated life gets, I can always retreat into myself and find the serenity I need to face whatever comes.  There's no reason why the same method won't be successful in locating and resolving the issues which surfaced in this seemingly crazy dream sequence!

Now, after a long and productive day at work, a decent workout at the gym and a delightful night of dancing and socializing with friends, it is time to be grateful, then, to sleep, perchance, to dream (I know!  Be careful what you ask for!  The Universe has a wicked sense of humor!)

1. I am grateful for opportunities for improvement, wherever they might come from.
2. I am grateful for additional nights of dancing, especially when it involves one of my favorite live bands!
3. I am grateful for a healthy, strong, increasingly limber body! (I did deeper squats than usual tonight with NO pain!)
4. I am grateful for an expanding circle of friends.
5. I am grateful for lessons I'm learning from other bloggers on so many different subjects!

Love and light.

June 6, 2013 Heralding change

The 16th Major Arcana card is the Tower.  This card seems to imply disaster, loss and catastrophic events.  But the real implication is change.  Sometimes that change must and will take cataclysmic forms such as earthquakes, tornadoes and other natural disasters.  But most of the time, it just means that something needs to be released in order to make room for something better. 

Or to put it more graphically, the old structure must be torn down, leaving nothing but the firm foundation upon which it was built, to leave room for an even stronger, more secure, more functional structure to be built upon that foundation. 

If you think back over your life to times when you believed that you'd suffered a loss.  As time went by, it became evident that the loss was really just clearing the way for a better opportunity. 

While we are in the midst of the emotional side of loss or, let's call it what it is, change, we fail to recognize that what is leaving our lives has served its purpose and must be removed to make way for new opportunities, new challenges, and yes, even new people. 

Think of a field where a crop is grown.  The crop reaches maturity, is harvested, and the ground must now be plowed to turn under what's left of the old to make way for new seeds and, ultimately, a new crop. 

Sometimes, we try to hold too tightly to that which has been outgrown.  At such times, we will see a cataclysmic event which wrests that which is no longer needed from our grasp. 

I've had my share of losses over the years, from death to job loss, from an end to a marriage to friends parting ways.  But each loss has eventually led to something better and stronger.  Friendships which are based on mutual strengths rather than mutual weaknesses.  Learning to stand alone so that I can be a better partner.  Even removal of someone from my life who made it difficult for me to be my very best me. 

The process repeats, over and over, in small ways and large.  And each time we rebuild, we rebuild smarter, stronger, and with better tools than the time before. 

At this point in my life, I'm busy tearing down the walls of my comfort zone.  It isn't without a certain amount of pain and, yes, trepidation, but I know that it's time for them to go. 

I've talked about change a lot in the last few months, and I'm no less convinced that major changes are upon us than I was when I first began feeling that something in the air.  I am also no more certain of the direction these changes will take, but I do know that some of them will be painful for a time, until the rebuilding process begins and the new growth becomes evident. 

Until then, I guess we need to just buckle our seatbelts, keep our hands and arms inside the car and, above all, enjoy the ride!  It's sure to be an E Ticket!


My gratitudes tonight are:

1. I am grateful for change as it keeps me from becoming complacent.
2. I am grateful for dance nights with my crazy friends.
3. I am grateful for endings because they mean new beginnings.
4. I am grateful that my lungs survived my body's attempt to cough them up over the last couple of days.
5. I am grateful for a strong, resilient, healthy body that is ready for the next wild ride.

Love and light.

June 5, 2013 Some days, you just have to be a lump!

The last couple of days, and especially today, have to go down in my book as my least productive days in a very long time! 

It all began yesterday afternoon when I began to cough so hard, I was in danger of horking up a lung!  I decided to, once again, cancel my gym visit in favor of some chicken soup and a quiet evening at home, little realizing just how quiet it would end up being. 

Trader Joe's let me down and was out of chicken soup, so I settled for chicken marsala which I was, with a few dire threats, able to consume without the help of the Moose.  All was well for another hour or so, and Loki got her fluids but once Mathom left, things started to deteriorate.

Next thing I know, having already tried my Gypsy Cold Care tea to no avail, I found myself seeking the last resort in a bottle of nasty cough syrup, after which I crawled into bed, hours earlier than normal, with breakfasts unmade and Loki unmedicated. 

I awoke this morning to the need for another shot of cough syrup, a cat feeding (for fear I'd get no rest otherwise) and a sleep which lasted until well after 1:00 PM, broken only by trips to the bathroom, sips of water and position changes, until I was finally driven from my warm, cat-filled cocoon by knees which screamed "we cannot tolerate this lack of movement any longer!"  

Thus encouraged, I managed to stumble to the kitchen, pour myself a bowl of Joe's O's and a glass of grapefruit juice, toss down some cold coffee to ward off the inevitable migraine should caffeine levels drop too low, and consume my brunch in front of the tv. 

T'was there I remained, with my nursing staff at hand, most of the day.

I am happy to say that Loki did get her meds tonight, at the expense of a little of my blood when I reached into her mouth to ensure that, with the second attempt, she swallowed her Pepsid.  Breakfast/lunch making is being taken in shifts as standing for long periods of time is exhausting.  Meanwhile, I am sending thoughts of good health and energy to every fiber of my being as I will have to make up for work left undone today over the next couple of days!

My blog has also suffered as yesterday was postless, and I have not yet picked up where I left off on my book last week.

Best of all, the cough is no longer gut tearing, and is infrequent as well.  Even so, bedtime will again be several hours earlier than normal as being laid up for even a day is annoying at best!

As I sit her flashing hot, then cold, then hot again (and believe me, menopause is safely behind me now!) I'm looking for the good in a day of getting nothing done.  The one thing I see is that it makes me appreciate the days of manic energy when I get so much done, I amaze myself!  May I see one of those days soon!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my returning health.
2. I am grateful for being halfway through the breakfast/lunch making chore.
3. I am grateful for all of my furry nurses who took such good care of me today.
4. I am grateful that I'll be able to go back to work tomorrow.
5. I am grateful that I finished some tasks ahead of schedule yesterday.

Love and light

June 3, 2013 Spinning wheel, spinning 'round...

The 10th Major Arcana card in the Tarot deck is the Wheel of Fortune (though it goes by other names, depending on the deck you're using).  It symbolizes Destiny, Movement, a Turning Point or Personal Vision.  When it appears in a reading, it may be interpreted as follows:


The Wheel of Fortune is a card of movement.  Just as life is constantly moving, so, too, does the wheel.  If you are not happy where you are right now, be patient, because at the next turn of the wheel, things will change.  If you are happy where you are, don't get too comfortable, because, at the next turn of the wheel, things will change.

Without movement, our lives would be stagnant, dull and dreary.  We won't always like where the road takes us, but where it takes us has a purpose, and that purpose is growth.

I took a couple of days' vacation last week, giving me a 5 day weekend.  When I returned to the office, it was as if the floodgates opened, and the momentum is carrying everyone along, like it or not.  Some of us have been thrust into roles for which we are not accustomed and are having to figure it out as we go along, being rather light on guidance, at least of the human variety.

This is one of those times when we really need to trust in the Universe or whatever force we believe has a hand in our destiny.  We wouldn't have the opportunity to learn and become more than what we are if we didn't already have the necessary tools, earned by virtue of previous lessons.  If the examples we are being set are less than stellar, it is up to us to make new rules and keep our wheels turning fast enough so they don't get stuck in potholes or mired in muck.

It is all too easy to just blame our superiors or each other for perceived failures.  But it is far more productive, and adds more to our personal growth if we put our heads together and make a plan that works.

The result is that our leaders appear to be learning from us, much to their amazement.  In some ways, I think they expected us to continue as we were, failing to cooperate with each other, and ultimately failing, period.

I'm rather reminded of the play "The Producers" where the intention was to put a team together to produce a flop, only to have the pieces fit together such that they succeeded beyond anyone's wildest imaginings.  I find it very exciting to take what was believed to be a dog of a play and using collaboration, ingenuity and hard work, turn it into something exciting, relevant and successful.

Not every opportunity we encounter will look like much when we first see it.  Some look more like that bedraggled, mud covered dog you find by the side of the road, covered in fleas and half starved.  But with a little love and attention and a few good meals, you end up with a loyal, devoted friend who will love you forever.

Turning a perceived weakness into that golden opportunity is much the same.  Nobody expects you to succeed, so proving them wrong is all the sweeter!

In our lives, we encounter many times when someone tells us "it can't be done!".  These are just the opportunities we need to really put ourselves to the test and shine, no, Sparkle!!!

The road might be rocky and I might get muddy at times, but I choose Sparkle!  The rewards at the end of my personal rainbow are worth the effort!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for opportunities to turn sure losses into stupendous wins.
2. I am grateful for lessons in collaboration and team work.
3. I am grateful for mornings that begin and end with a big, fluffy cat draped across my chest.
4. I am grateful for summer traffic.
5. I am grateful for opportunities to perform random acts of kindness.

June 2, 2013 If you want to change the world, do something positive!

Negative energy begets negative energy.   It's a simple Law of Attraction.

There are plenty of things wrong with our world, our country, our immediate environment.  But focusing on what is wrong isn't making it better.  It's simply directing our energy towards everything we don't want.  And what does that get us???

Yep, More of what we DON'T want!!!

This afternoon, I watched a video in which a panel member berates a group of people because a young woman dared ask the members of the panel why the US was the greatest country in the world.  While neither I nor anyone else can debate the fact that his facts were accurate, his delivery, in my opinion, left a great deal to be desired.  He essentially berated everyone in the room and placed blame, quite liberally on everyone except, I noticed, himself.

Meanwhile, there's another post traveling the web, attributed to Bill Cosby, but as famous people are often misquoted, I have my doubts, in which he, too, has a litany of complaints.

Wake up and smell the coffee, people!  Sitting on your ass, whether hard earned or not, bitching about what's wrong with the world ain't going to make it any righter!

That doesn't mean we can or should band together and make those sweeping changes right now.  But if we focus on kindness and respect, it will sure start the ball rolling, if you ask me.

This morning, my daughter and I went to Souplantation for breakfast.  As is our usual way, we chatted about both the consequential and the inconsequential, shared things on our Facebook pages with our iPhones, googled this thing or that which crept into our discussion, and, overall, just shared time together.

Apparently, the couple seated across the aisle from us heard or saw something which seemed to open a door, and, as they were leaving, stopped to wish us a nice day.  We began chatting with them, as the woman was absolutely delightful and the man had a marvelously dry sense of humor.  It didn't matter that we'd never met before, nor that we'd likely never see them again, the woman took a moment to wish some strangers a nice day, and ended up receiving a little joy back for her trouble.  (I might point out that, having been married close to 50 years, they were probably not too far from the 83 years mentioned in the Bill Cosby diatribe).

It doesn't really matter why this couple singled us out, nor what was said.  What does matter that, for a few moments, four people shared a little joy and made the world a better place.  As other people passed us on their way to or from the buffet, they passed a little island of hope;  a place where people pass the time of day
for no other reason than because it's there.

I'm ashamed to admit that, not long after, I groused about a vanity I'd ordered taking forever to be delivered to my local store, but in hindsight, I realize that, in the general scheme of things, it really isn't all that important.  The kindness of the couple at Souplantation will go a lot further towards making the world a better place than a vanity which won't get installed today anyway!


In an earlier post, I mentioned random acts of kindness, but, aside from being kinder on the freeways, I've really not lived up to the standard I set over the last week or so.  The couple at Souplantation reminded me that we CAN change the world, one kindness at a time, but if we sit on our butts, hiding behind our smart phones, tablets and computers, the world will continue to deteriorate because the negative, hate-filled energy will win.

I read something else in the last couple of days which suddenly makes a whole lot of sense.  

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.
― Elie Wiesel

It is the indifference of many which has brought the world to the state it's in and until we turn that indifference into love; love for ourselves, love for our fellow man, love for this wonderful planet which nurtures us, we lose all hope of relieving the ills of which we speak, hear and share. 

We all need to make the conscious choice to share love, share faith, share life!

My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful for reminders that what is truly important is in my own hands.
2. I am grateful for the best birthday ever, thanks to my wonderful daughter and amazing friends!
3. I am grateful for a "aha moments" which help me put things into perspective.
4. I am grateful for the opportunity to share my "aha moments" in hopes that they will resonate with someone else.
5. I am grateful that I live in this era where we have the ability to make a positive difference in so many ways.

Love and light.

May 31, 2013. Who put those cranky pants In my closet?

 

For some reason, I found myself wearing those blasted cranky pants last night and today. How they even ended up in my closet in the first place baffles me!

But I found myself complaining about stupid stuff last night, despite the fact that it was one of my favorite dance nights, and when I awoke this morning, I knew I just needed to be alone to work without those annoying interruptions!

Even so, I still found myself reading negativity into other people's actions and words and was grateful for my solitude and kitty time

Times like this remind me that I really need to pay special attention to those things for which I am grateful. Not the least of these was the parade of cats taking turns sitting on my desk, purring while I worked

On the plus side, I got a great deal done in my self imposed solitude today, and hope to use that focus to keep the momentum going this weekend

 But my daughter keeps telling me that sometimes you just have to be mad for a little while, and I think she's right, to a point.  You have to have the grumpy times so you have something to compare the happy times to.  However, I am sick and tired of being cranky, and of course, that makes me even crankier! 

Instead of wallowing in it for too long, I turned on the TV which I watch kinda sorta while reading, playing on my iPad, writing my blog, or cuddling the cats.  This time, I eschewed anything dark and twisty for a Robin Williams comedy that had a little eye candy in the fine form of Pierce Brosnan.  I figured that avoiding the blood and guts, the crime stories and anything with a plot line that contained loss of any real significance or permanence was best to avoid for now, or at least until this moment passes.

The rational, logical, analytical side of me says that this has a lot to do with my internal battle and frustration over having to go out into the world instead of just writing.  But that same side says that if I don't go out into the world and get away from my book on occasion, I am going to end up in that dark, twisty place I have worked so hard to get out of. 

So, this is me, resuming my regularly scheduled programming tomorrow with a trip to the gym, a few chores and a dance night which should prove interesting as said daughter has pulled out all the stops for a truly wacky birthday celebration (complete with a manatee made of modeling chocolate!)  Even if I wanted to be mad for a little longer, seeing what she's come up with would blow it all to heck.  She assures me that I will definitely be amused!  (I shudder to think what she's come up with!) She is wickedly creative!
For now, I'm going to put on my happy birthday face and be a cool cat, getting ready to enjoy the festivities my daughter has worked so hard to prepare!  I just know this will be the best birthday ever!!!


My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my family and friends who don't let me wear the cranky pants for long.
2. I am grateful for a day of major accomplishments.
3. I am grateful for the nice, kitty warmed bed that awaits me as soon as I finish the next two gratitudes!
4. I am grateful for grumpy days because they make me appreciate the happy ones all the more.
5. I am grateful for wackiness which leads to laughter which leads to expulsion of toxins and is a great antioxidant.

Love and light