June 18, 2013 Turning the motivation blues into Star Power

For the last few days, I've been decidedly lacking in motivation, and now that my stomach is having a meltdown, around 3PM daily, my poor gym visits have been negatively impacted as well.  I haven't been since Saturday and I'm definitely feeling the lack, but until I figure out the stomach issue, I think my fellow gym users will thank me to just stay away!

Thankfully, I've found a little of my motivation and have gotten quite a few things done, not only at work but at home.  Like everything else, the baby steps will get me back on track.  For now, the bills are paid, laundry is chugging away and my blog will be written long before my eyes start to close.

I could, at this point, launch into a self-mutilating diatribe about what I have NOT gotten done, and surely would have done so a few years ago.  But of the many lessons I've learned, one is to look at the accomplishments rather than the failures.  So here's my list:

1. Bills are paid.
2. Grocery shopping for the week is done so lunches and breakfasts can be prepared on schedule.
3. System testing at work is on schedule.
4. After a 2 day hiatus, blog posting is back on schedule.
5. Loki has been medicated (thanks to Heather)
6. Trash for the week has been done.
7. Parts have been obtained to repair and upgrade my bathroom.
8. Yearly physicals have been completed with a clean bill of health.
9. Appointments have been scheduled for eyes and another necessary test.
10. I've overcome my tendency to oversleep and am, in fact, getting out of the house early every morning.

( I had to struggle a bit to come up with 10, but that seemed like a good number, so I managed to do it!!!)

Like gratitudes, it is important to remind yourself, from time to time, how much of a Superstar you are for getting so much done in so little time! 

And like gratitudes, it is often about the little things because all of those little things add up to something (and someone) pretty impressive!  Who else but you could put things together quite the way you do?  Who else but you could create such unique experiences for those around you?  And who else but you can tell the story in just that way, making everyone see, feel and taste the experience right along with you?

Even if it's true that every thought, every idea has been thought of by someone else already, it is also true that they have not been thought about or presented in the unique fashion only you can offer.

Our own talents combined with our own perspectives serve to mold everything we touch into a one of a kind piece of art with our signature emblazoned on them for all the world to see, assuming they know where and how to look.

So today, I challenge you to find what writers would call your "voice", that special, one-of-a-kindness that is truly and uniquely yours.  Celebrate it, flaunt it, allow it to come out and play, making mud pies or Picassos; whichever expresses the true you.  Really look at all of the special talents which make you the amazing person you are.

And if you feel brave, share those qualities with me, with my readers, and with anyone else you choose, knowing that there really are no judgments out there, because the only opinion that matters to you is your own.  You're really the only one who knows yourself well enough to be allowed to critique what you say, think, feel, do, say or look like.

I'd love to hear about those qualities, but I'd also like to see some of those accomplishments if you'd be willing to share some with my readers and me.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for positive energy.
2. I am grateful for the return of my motivation.
3. I am grateful for my uniqueness.
4. I am grateful for completed chores.
5. I am grateful that this week is a massage week.  <siiiiiiiiiiiiigh!>

Love and light

June 17, 2013 Sensing the Earth

I have always been somewhat tuned into Mother Earth, but the connection intensified during the week of the 1994 Northridge earthquake.  My cat, Missy and I would sense every aftershock, often hours before it hit.  My daughter, Heather, has proven to be even more sensitive than me, being able to sense major earthquakes from halfway around the world.   My range seems to be limited to quakes in excess of 4.0 and within the continental U.S.

This morning, I suddenly experienced a bout of vertigo followed by extreme nausea.  A check of the earthquake site showed no activity other than a smallish one in Alaska in the last hour or so, but the feeling persists. 

Ordinarily, I'd check my cats to see how they are acting to either confirm or deny that my symptoms are predictive rather than just physical, but I'm at work for a few more hours followed by my Monday night workout, so, unless I see geological evidence before I get home, I'll just have to wait and see if they've started getting jumpy since I left them all sleeping off their breakfast this morning.


Although the feelings persisted most of the day, the cats have been calm since I got home, so I have to assume that it was a false alarm or, as a friend suggested, a tummy bug.  The only thing it really did was to cause me to miss my gym visit tonight, but I will make it up tomorrow!

Be that as it may, I do respect and appreciate my connection with the Earth, and even when I sense something that doesn't appear, I do believe that there's something I'm in touch with, but what it is has yet to become apparent.  I continue to cultivate the connection, despite the fact that my main element isn't earth at all.  In truth, I tend to lean more towards fire and water.  An odd mix, I know, but I've found a number of ways to make them work together. 

I skipped a couple of days of blogging because my mind was in too much of a muddle to even pull anything coherent out.  I fear that I have not come very far and am still pretty muddled.  Disconnecting my mind from my fingers doesn't even feel like a viable option tonight because I'd still get muddle on the page.  I'm also still feeling kind of twitchy, and I've been rather reactive for the last couple of days as well. 

I realize it's most likely another lesson, or a repeat of one I've been through a number of times because, like patience, I have a hard time refraining from reacting to other peoples' "stuff". 

I'm also easily distracted as I just found myself playing with the keys on my calculator while my mind wandered to...who knows where?  I was working on a project involving enormous spreadsheets linked to an accounting program today, and kept getting stuck trying to figure out how everything linked together and spent a lot of time tracing formulas.  In the end, I figured most of it out, but I'm sure it took me far longer than it should have.  My focus today was only good for, at the outside, about 20 minutes before I would wander, mentally, into somebody else's garden. 

It did make for an interesting lunch time meditation, though.  As I closed my eyes, for some reason, I focused on the hematite and bead bracelets on my wrist.  This gave way to images of circles of beads spinning in every direction, making beautiful patterns.  The beads then coalesced into a huge, stylized heart upon which was superimposed the chakras.  As I sat there thinking loving thoughts, I was filled with a soft joy, and came out of the meditation feeling somewhat refreshed and able to focus for a little while longer. 

However, it occurs to me that the image of the chakras might be a reminder that I'm not in balance and need to do some internal housekeeping tonight (after emptying sandboxes and taking out the trash, of course!).  As tonight is a free night as far as meal and coffee making goes, I may just retire early and work on that balancing!  But I will still have my massage therapist check it all out on Saturday to make sure I've done a thorough job of clearing the blockages and ensuring that no one chakra is pulling too little or too much. 

The fact that I'm feeling twitchy and a bit out of sorts might well be just an imbalance in the force, as it were.  My concentration has been really ferkakt lately, whether it is a physical or mental activity I'm trying to focus on.  I just can't seem to keep my attention on any one task for long, but, instead, seem to want to just fiddle away the day, doing nothing of any value. 

Everything is suffering as a result.  I'm not writing in my blog as regularly, my book is, once again, just sitting there, forlornly awaiting my attention.  Only the most pressing chores are getting done.  The only ones who are truly happy about this state of affairs are the cats because, as I sit around, mostly idle, I make a great place to curl up and be skritched.  (one of those chores will be to remove the avian carcass one of my ratters so lovingly left for me in the garage today) 

At the moment, I will do my best to be the Hermit until the Wheel of Fortune turns once more, my motivation returns and productivity gets back into gear.

My gratitudes tonight are;
1. I am grateful for my "down" cycles as they make me appreciate the productive ones that much more!
2. I am grateful for extra cuddle time with my cats.
3. I am grateful for meditation which allows me to work out things which aren't fitting.
4. I am grateful for challenges which give me the opportunity to learn lessons, both old and new.
5. I am grateful for my cats who, if nothing else, make sure I accomplish a couple of things every day, even if it is only to feed all and medicate Loki. 

Love and light.

June 14, 2013 Messages in furballs

This sweet little ("little" being a relative term when a house cat weighs in at 25 pounds!) fluffy boy is my baby, Toby of the Labrador feet.  He is also known as "Mamo Cat" for his propensity to walk across certain parts of the female anatomy.  He is also very much a lover. 

But my reason for posting his picture as he admires his most handsome self in my dresser mirror is his behaviour over the last few days. 

Toby has always been a snuggler, and his snow cat heritage aside (he's part Norwegian Forest Cat, or "weejie" as they're called for short), he absolutely loves a warm body, and the warmer the better!  He used to spend a lot of time snuggling with my daughter and son-in-law when they lived with me, but has finally reconciled himself to the fact that there is now only one source of attention most of the time, and that would be me. 

Up until the last few days (which, by the way was when I started feeling a little out of sorts, or just, plain, off), Toby would beg his attention when I was sitting on the couch, or trying to eat something he was certain he could enjoy too!  But about two or three days ago, he began to follow me from room to room when I am home, and even more interesting, started demanding skritches and snuggles first thing in the morning.  

The first couple of mornings, he waited until daylight woke me up before draping his considerable bulk across my upper body, shoving his face into my hand and purring loudly as if to say

"OK, I'm doing my part.  It's time for you to do yours!  A little more to the left, please, and why are you only using one hand???"

This morning, he didn't even wait for me to wake up.  In fact, he started his demands in the middle of a very strange dream in which a woman was carrying her several days dead boyfriend out of a bathroom stall, such that he actually became part of the dream in a weird "it can't be Toby because I counted noses when I got home and he was there!" kind of way!  

Even more odd, tonight, was the fact that he wanted attention and his place on my lap, but showed no interest in my sushi!    This is the cat who usually tries to smack my hand to get me to drop whatever I'm eating, so to shun fish is just, plain, well...fishy! 

Even as I type, he lies on my desk, patiently waiting for me to go to bed so he can lay on me some more! 

Where I'm going in my usual, non-linear manner is that I believe he is picking up on whatever energy or change is affecting me by requiring more reassurance than he normally would.  Or is he the one reassuring me???  Sometimes its hard to tell because having pets snuggle close is as comforting and reassuring to us as it appears to be to them! 

So tonight, I am pondering the question:  Is he trying to reassure me that things are going to be fine, or is he seeking that reassurance from me?  Is he demanding more of my attention to try to distract me...or himself? 

I long ago realized that our animals are far more sensitive to shifts in mood, weather, conditions of the earth and many other types of change, but I'm really beginning to wonder how much they actually know about the increases in activity that have been occurring over the last few years.  Are they actually looking at me, thinking:

"I know my human is not stupid, but when is she going to figure out what I already know?  She seems to sense something, but she isn't doing what she would if she actually understood what she was sensing!  Maybe I should try to enlighten her?"

Even as I sit here typing, thinking and stroking Toby, my stomach clenches as if in anticipation of something not altogether pleasant, which leaves me wondering whether the preternatural quiet many of us experienced today really is just the calm before the storm?  The eye of the hurricane?  Are we about to be shaken to our cores simply to test how quickly we regain our footing and adjust to the changes?

Or am I just making myself crazy at the same, exact time some of my friends are doing the same? 

For now, I am going to trust in Toby and his brothers and sisters who, quite frankly, are often far more intelligent than me and my human friends.  I will watch them closely for behavioural changes and the establishment of new patterns.  From there, perhaps I can gauge what I need to do to be ready for the roller coaster ride I'll be taking soon.

That brings to mind another thought:  What I call "Disneyland syndrome".  Basically, it describes how a kid feels and behaves when they know that a trip to Disneyland is imminent.  Sleep is hard to come by, the stomach dances in anticipation and the air seems unnaturally charged! 

I am sleeping well, thanks to the purring cats who surround me at night, but the rest is right on the mark! 
From this, I must believe that the roller coaster ride will be a good one, if rather wild, and that I will come to the end of it saying

"Woo hoo!  What a ride!  Can we go again?"

Let's got those dreams in order, because many of them are about to be granted!!!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the sensitivity of my cats who often confirm or deny that I'm on the right track.
2. I am grateful for unexpected winfalls.
3. I am grateful for roller coaster rides and unexpected surprises.
4. I am grateful for abundante love, prosperity and health.
5. I am grateful for friendship in all of its sizes, shapes and forms.

Love and light.

June 13, 2013 Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

The strange feelings began to dissipate a bit today, but by tonight, my friends and I were, once again, discussing how we just felt at odds, tired, not quite ourselves.  We danced, but I could tell that our usual high energy was just not there.  No matter.  We still danced. 

Driving home, I started feeling a little queasy so I had a little discussion with myself.  I pointed out that unwellness was simply not acceptable in this temple I call my body and at the first sign of anything even remotely resembling unwellness, I was going to just fling it out into the atmosphere where it would break into a bazillion pieces until it no longer had the ability to bother anyone.  I even envisioned pulling out the rumbly tummy feeling, loading it into a slingshot and launching it. 

I find that when I am trying to clear myself of negative thoughts or feelings, it is often easier to visualize what is bothering me and see myself casting it away.  Sometimes, I just watch it flow out through my fingers or toes as I fill myself with bright, white light.  But whatever method I use, the end result is the same.  I rid myself of the toxicity of whatever is not matching my positive vibrations. 

Since I was a young child, I have made up stories for myself,and even now, use them, at times, to help myself fall asleep when sleep eludes me.  I guess that's why it is easiest for me to concoct some kind of ritual around ridding myself of negativity.  This story telling is also quite effective when I find myself in less than optimal surroundings. 

For example, yesterday, I found myself suddenly smack dab in the middle of crawling traffic.  The car in front of me happened to have a vanity plate reading "AAALEX".  So for the few miles in which I was forced to creep along, I carried on a running conversation with AAALEX, explaining to him that his job, as the car in front of me, was to push everyone out of the way.  He clearly had not been instructed properly in his duties as he was not creating the clear path which was his responsibility to make!

Ultimately, I made it to my exit and bid AAALEX a fond farewell, thanking him for keeping me company on the drive home.

OK, so I'm a little weird, but in the confines of my car at the end of a long day, isn't it better to amuse myself than join the throngs who gather road rage around them like a comfy cocoon?  I prefer to be that crazy lady you pass on the freeway who is singing at the top of her lungs, tapping out the beat on the steering wheel and looking for all the world like a raving lunatic.  But in my lunacy, I'm happy and accepting the slow traffic and the guys who think that by riding your back bumper or changing lanes every 3 seconds, they're going to get there faster.  I can enjoy my morning cup of coffee and the scenery that I'm not whizzing by, knowing that I will get to where I'm going when I get there, and that's perfectly OK. 

This is how I keep from sweating the small stuff, and if you ask me, it's ALL small stuff!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my friends who I look forward to seeing at least a couple of times a week on the dance floor, and more if I'm lucky.
2. I am grateful for my work which keeps my brain active.
3. I am grateful for my dancing which keeps my body and my mind active.
4. I am grateful for mornings when I wake up all snuggled with my cats as they help me greet the day with a smile on my face.
5. I am grateful for all of the positive ways I've found to deal with life's little frustrations

Love and light.

June 12, 2013 Strange Brew

Around 11:00 AM I started experiencing weird feelings of anxiety (and I need to note, here, that I am not prone to anxiety attacks!) which seemed to increase as time went on.  It seems I'm not alone in this, so I have to wonder:  Is there something heading our way which will require action or change of some sort?  Am I just sensitive to the horrendous storm activity affecting our east coast? 

As the day went on, the unsettled feelings intensified and I found myself lacking in motivation.  Putting the question out to my friends, I wasn't entirely surprised to hear that others were experiencing the same feelings.

For me, I just took it as a sign that I needed to indulge myself in some comfort food and relax with my extremely attentive kitties for the evening.

I'm also noticing that, despite the numbers on the scale, my body is changing.  I'm noticing that muscles are becoming more toned, clothes are fitting more loosely all over and that I'm feeling darned good about myself!  As I read more and more posts about loving yourself first, I can honestly say that I really do love me, fully and completely.  I love my body, imperfections and all, and I even love myself when I'm procrastinating.  Sometimes, waiting to do something turns out to be an asset because by the time I do get around to it, something has changed dramatically and if I'd performed the task sooner, I'd have had to re-do it!

For the moment, I'm not making plans beyond tomorrow, aside from the usual dance nights and pampering appointments.  I feel as if I need to just take each day as it comes for now, until something levels out and I'm able to move forward again.  These periods of  "treading water" are just as important as those in which I accomplish a great deal.  They are there for a reason and trying to swim upstream will accomplish nothing except to wear me out!

 As I enter into a period of waiting patiently, allowing my energies to rebuild, my creativity to unfold, I imagine myself riding in a car or on a train, watching as the scene unfolds before me, without my direction or control.  I'm simply an observer for this moment in time, and the only job I have is to gather as much information as I can from my observations, watching the landscape unfold before me, offering up a plethora of wonders and surprises.  Somehow, what I gather will be important when this period of waiting and observing is over so details are vital and my notes need to be meticulous.

The stories I will tell in the future will draw from the time I spend gathering details, observing the world around me, documenting diligently.  The changes I will initiate will find their inspiration in this quiet time when activity is neither necessary nor required. 

Again, one of the tarot cards comes to mind.  This time, the Four of Swords

The card indicates a time of rest, a time to dream in preparation for a great deal of action later.  This is where I feel that I am right now, and perhaps the anxiety and the unsettled feelings are a direct result of my inability to move forward during this period.  My natural state of almost manic activity balks at having to wait, to rest, to observe.  I am being challenged to practice patience which has never been my strong suit, and it is an ill-fitting suit, at best.  But it is also a lesson I know I need to, if not master, at least reach a certain level of proficiency at.  So rest, I will, and observe while waiting as patiently as possible for the moment when I will, again, be able to act.

It won't be long before the Knight of Swords comes riding, pell mell, through my life, upsetting apple carts and defying anything to stop his haste to fight his battles, rescue fair maidens and make the world a better place!



My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for quiet times when I can practice the lesson of patience.
2. I am grateful for friends who can corroborate my feelings that something is disturbed.
3. I am grateful for mild weather conditions in my area, and hope that the dire reports coming from the east coast are far less dreadful than predicted.
4. I am grateful for quiet evenings at home, snuggling with my kitties.
5. I am grateful for dance nights which help me work off my restlessness.

Love and light.,

June 11, 2013 Feeling bruised and abused tonight

Who would have thought that a few little tests would leave me completely exhausted?  But there you have it, one ultrasound, one mammogram and one bone density screening and I'm a wet noodle!  Thankfully, this doesn't happen often, so I have plenty of time to forget how drained it all made me.  Of course, part of it could have been the way they herded me quickly from one test to the next so I didn't even have a minute to relax between pokes and prods.  Nevertheless, I'm done for another year or so and with luck, will get my usual clean bill of health!

I fear, though, that exhaustion prevents me from waxing eloquent this evening, especially since I still had to do laundry and fix the next two days' meals on top of it all.  I just can't help myself!  It is on the schedule so it must be done!

There has been a lot of talk in blogs, on Facebook and probably other places I don't usually go, about various kinds of energy permeating our world.  Some speak of it as neutral, others as positive, and still others, as negative energy.

But I think someone I was speaking to this week put it best.  If you have negative energy in your home, that is what you will feel.  If you have positive energy, then you will feel the energy stream as positive.  Essentially, like attracts like.  Negative energy won't try to penetrate an environment that is filled with Positive energy as it would be swallowed up and spit out.  Positive energy will give a pass to an environment filled with negative energy for much the same reason.

This makes it especially important to do a check of the energy currently filling your environment and make sure that it is what you want to attract more of.  If not, it's time to raise the vibration by working on what you, personally, are emitting.  Once you raise your vibration, you will attract those who match and repel those who don't, and your environment will be filled with the kind of energy you want to attract from this big mass of energy so many of us are feeling, but can't necessarily explain.  

For me, I can feel my energy draining out my toes, even as I type, so a good night's rest and a gentle awakening with kitty snuggles is in order.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for a healthy, fit body.
2. I am grateful for morning kitty snuggles.
3. I am grateful for habits which have everything ready the night before so that mornings are no longer a scramble to get everything together and get out the door.
4. I am grateful for dance nights, may they be many and filled with movement and camaraderie.
5. I am grateful for my friends who encourage and support me.

Love and light.

June 10, 2013 Things that make me go "Hmmmmmm"

For many years, a number of people who write, lecture, advise and otherwise promote the fact that our health, wealth, relationships, etc. are in our own hands have been spreading their messages via books, webinars, seminars and other medium.  In recent months and years, I've read that a few of these people have died, and at least a couple of them, from cancer.

Although this post is not meant to try to disprove the Laws of Attraction or any of the other teachings, I have to wonder:  "If these people, who really GOT   the principles of the Laws of Attraction, the Secret and other techniques couldn't keep themselves from becoming ill and dying, how can the rest of us, mere amateurs at the process, hope to be successful???"

Don't get me wrong.  I use the Laws of Attraction all the time with great success, but I have yet to manifest anything really big, nor cure or prevent a major health issue, at least that I'm aware of.  Nor will reading of proponents of the process dying of terminal diseases dissuade me from trying.  What I'm really asking is, why didn't they use the techniques on themselves???   Better still, what were they doing so wrong that they weren't able to give themselves strong, healthy bodies with which to carry on the wonderful work they were doing? 

I suppose you could say that they gave the tools to the rest of us so that we could carry on with their work, but is it really the same?  Do we have their vision?  They're resources?  They're network through which to communicate the tools to others? 

At any rate, this is one of those big things which make me go "hmmmmm" but for which I have no answer.

On another topic (you didn't think I would stick to one tonight, did you?):  I saw this quote on my Facebook page today, and along with it was one of my favorite mantras: "What other people think of me is none of my business".

The real point of the two quotes is merely that the only person's thoughts and deeds over which we have control is our own.  As such, wasting even a nanosecond worrying, wondering or caring about what someone else thinks of what we are thinking, saying, doing or being gains us nothing. 

Regardless of how careful we might try to be, they will still think what they want to think.

Now that you have been absolved of the responsibility for what everyone else thinks of you, think how much energy you'll have left to spend achieving your hopes, dreams and goals!  Imagine all of those concerns as a weight you were carrying around, running every single thought and idea through this giant, unpredictable machine to determine whether or not you should do something.

Suddenly, the machine breaks down and you realize that you are no worse off for its failure and, in fact, decision making is greatly simplified because you need only ask yourself "Do I or do I not want to do this?"

All of those imaginary roadblocks have now disappeared.  The mental second guessing is a thing of the past.  No longer will you have conversations with yourself that sound like this:

    "OK, if I choose this, what will my mother/father/sister/brother/spouse think?"
   "Fine, assuming they think this, maybe I should do that so they won't think this?"
   "But if I do that, won't my uncle/cousin/boss/friend think the other????"
  "Uh oh.  What if I'm misreading them and they think something else entirely?  Maybe I'd best do nothing!"

Now, the conversation is as simple as:
 
  "If I choose to go skiing instead of staying home and cleaning house, I'll just have to double up on my chores next week.  As I'm willing to do that, I'd better pack and get on the road!"

Life becomes simpler, you spend more time making yourself happy and believe me, a happier you will make everyone around you happier too!  

To me, it really is a no brainer:  Choose happy, choose simple, choose to listen only to your own heart.

I may come under fire for this, but I'll take that risk as part of my choice to be absolved of everyone else's opinion of me.

My gratitudes tonight are;
1. I'm very grateful for the foam roller I bought at my massage therapist's suggestion as, without it, I would not have slept last night!
2. I am grateful for my simplified life because it makes changing gears whenever I feel like it easy and effortless.
3. I am grateful for new and interesting opportunities for self improvement.
4. I am grateful for an abundance of love, health, energy and prosperity.
5. I am grateful for the opportunity to share my friends' successes and good fortune (and any old excuse for a celebration!)

Love and light.