January 10, 2014 Stealing an idea from Doreen Virtue: 2014 at a glance

After watching Doreen Virtue's 2014 Tarot reading and finding so much that I resonated with, I decided to do a personal one of my own.  I might add that I pulled the cards twice as, the first time, I had failed to light a candle, which I felt was important to the reading (don't ask me why, I just did).  Of course, it involved chasing the little cat I'm cat sitting off the desk as he didn't have the sense to leave the candle alone, like my own cats do. 

I'll just comment on the first pull because it probably had some significance which I chose to ignore for now.  It contained an extraordinary number of Major Arcana cards, which the one I chose to document did not. 

But without further ado, here's my version of 2014:

Personal 12 month Tarot Reading

Deck:  Spiral

Draw Date: January 10, 2014

January:  Nine of Wands  :  January sees me standing on my own with a great deal of energy and drive, though I’m perceiving that I need to pull back into myself, protecting what is mine.  I must be cautious to avoid pulling back too far or I might miss opportunities.  This will be a very productive month both work-wise and creatively as I’m focused and inclined towards reclusiveness to some degree.   The key areas of importance here are to guard against being unduly defensive and protective.

February:  Princess of Cups:  February sees me in a deeply introspective state, continuing the relative reclusiveness of January while bringing my heart to the forefront of my thoughts.  Creativity is still very much a part of my time and efforts, but matters of my heart become increasingly important if, as yet, unsatisfied.  I may find that I’m, as yet, unaware of growing attachments as I reside deeply within myself and my own, personal energies.

March:  Justice:  March will see me looking closely at all areas of my life and making some difficult decisions as to what I must keep and what I must let go if I’m to continue to grow and evolve.  It could also involve the editing of my book, when I’ll need to make some seemingly brutal cuts and changes to ensure continuity and readability of my first published work.  I could also see a drastic alteration in the path I set in motion last November, and implemented in early December.  It may become clear that some of what I took upon myself is not, ultimately in support of my greater good, and I’ll need to either change how I’m handling some things, or give them up in as professional and considerate a manner as possible.

April:  Seven of Swords:  In April, there will be definite differences of opinion as to what I should keep and what should be left behind.  Whether this applies to my book or to my accounting work, I will be inclined to guard what is near and dear to me, perhaps losing sight of what is truly best for me in the long run.  I will be inclined to want it all, but will know that isn’t possible.  I see this, in part, as a continuation of the editing and culling process which begins in March.  All in all, it is important that I weigh my choices carefully, listen to input from others and be willing to let go of things I’d rather not, for the good of my career, my personal life and my book.

May:  Knight of Pentacles:  Input from an unexpected but welcome source with fresh ideas will help me get things into perspective and help me make decisions which will positively impact my financial health.  I have laid the groundwork well, but mustn’t overlook the caring and feeding process of my ideas and the responsibilities I’ve taken on.  New ideas will have been planted as well, and I will be moving forward with some of them while continue to cultivate those already growing and thriving.   Accept advice and refrain from becoming defensive when my work is criticized.

June:  Ten of Pentacles :  June sees all of my efforts enjoying unprecedented success.  My accounting side business is thriving and taking up just the right amount of time.  My book is published and selling while work progresses smoothly on subsequent books.  It’s even possible that another of the books I have in progress has been completed, edited and published.  Beware that the pace with which things are happening leads to overindulgence or lack of personal care as I ride the waves of success, both financial and personal.  Goals are certainly met, but there is much work ahead if I’m going to stay at the top of my game.  More decisions may need to be made regarding how to effectively manage my work load.

July:  Queen of Wands:  Indications that a woman who is a “mover and shaker” will be at the forefront of my life in July.  This could be myself, a friend who has been encouraging me to follow my dream, or maybe even an editor or publisher who is interested in further promoting my work.  This woman holds a lot of power, though she wields it with grace.  She has the midas touch when it comes to creative endeavors and it seems that everything in which she has a hand thrives and grows, bringing nourishment and enlightenment to many.  She is a loving and giving soul, though she can be tough and decisive when the situation requires it.

August:  The Fool:  August will be a case of “be careful what you wish for”.  I’ll be stepping off the precipice into the realities of the choices I made months before, diving into a world which moves a great deal faster than I might have imagined.  It could be a month of book tours, or editorial meetings for one of my new projects.  It could be that my remodeling project finds new life, or that I find myself moving to someplace more suited to the new lifestyle I’ve acquired.  Whatever it might be, it will be in my best interests to be a little naïve and trusting, especially of the Universe and its plans for my future.  A new me is about to be born, and the crazy, wild horse stampede pace of the year will only increase from this point forward.

September:  Eight of Pentacles :  As I’ve sown, so shall I reap.  This isn’t a time to cease the hard work I’ve initiated this year.  In fact, the month may call for an even greater increase in effort and dedication to my craft.  Responsibilities continue to mount, delegation may be required and the number of projects on my plate continue to grow…and I am thriving as never before!  I’m so in love with the work I do that it’s hardly work at all, but purpose and love and sheer joy!

October:  Ace of Wands:  As if there wasn’t already enough on my plate, October shows yet another creative endeavor beginning.  Like the others, this one will progress quickly, burning up the path as it moves forward.  Divine connections will be easily recognized and utilized in this new project which looks to be for the Greater Good.  I will be guided to expend more effort towards helping others and supporting the causes which are most important to me.

November:  Three of Cups:  Celebrating with friends and family and those who have been instrumental in bringing about my many successes will be the keynote of November.  It will be a time to show my gratitude to all who have pushed, prodded, supported, encouraged and applauded me along the way.  I will be guided towards new and beautiful ways to express my gratitude, both privately and publicly.

December:  Ten of Swords:  There will be a sense of being overwhelmed, of having too many responsibilities and too many demands being made upon me, only exacerbated by the frenetic, holiday season.  It is important for me to realize that many of those demands are being made by myself, and to practice kindness to me, first, taking a few things off of my plate, some permanently, and some until after the holidays when social engagements diminish and preparations for family and friends are complete.  Once again, it could require me to delegate and to take time away from my writing to address my other responsibilities.

Summary:

Overall, this reading is fairly evenly spread between the four suits and carries celebrations, successes and hard work in fairly equal measure.  There are certainly some pitfalls I must overcome, but in the end, it will be a truly amazing year!  (and what is success without some frustration and a few challenges to overcome?)

My gratitudes today are:

1. I am grateful to last night's DJ who played a dance called "Deja Vu" when my spirits were rather low due to some weird signals I had been receiving from a client all day.  The dance is one of my favorites, and lifted my spirits amazingly!

2. I am grateful to the Universe which never fails to have my best interests at heart, and lately, has been making it clear sooner rather than later.

3. I am grateful for gratitudes which are very effective in pulling me out of a negative thought state.

4. I am grateful for my new morning routine of jumping out of bed, eager to meet the day's joys, challenges, responsibilities and surprises.

5. I am grateful to my daughter who bought us Lion King tickets for Chanukah, for tonight's show!  Hakuna Matata!!!

Love and Light

January 9, 2014 Intimacy

After yesterday's post, I was asked to clarify what I mean by intimacy.  I'm going to begin by simply posting the definition from Random House Kernerman Webster's College dictionary:

in•ti•ma•cy (ˈɪn tə mə si)

n., pl. -cies.

1. the state of being intimate.

2. a close, familiar, and affectionate personal relationship.

3. a close association with or deep understanding of a place, subject, etc.

4. an act or expression serving as a token of familiarity or affection: the intimacy of using first names.

5. a sexual liberty.

6. privacy, esp. as suitable to the telling of a secret: in the intimacy of his studio.

 

And as it is, in the first definition, described as "the state of being intimate" (I do hate when they just refer back to another word!)  here, too, is that definition:

 

in•ti•mate¹ (ˈɪn tə mɪt)

adj.

1. associated in close personal relations: an intimate friend.

2. characterized by or involving warm friendship or a familiar association or feeling: an intimate greeting.

3. private; closely personal: one's intimate affairs.

4. characterized by or suggesting privacy or intimacy; cozy: an intimate café.

5. (of an association, knowledge, understanding, etc.) arising from close personal connection or familiar experience.

6. engaging in or characterized by sexual relations.

7. (of apparel) worn next to the skin.

8. showing a close union or combination of particles or elements: an intimate mixture.

9. inmost; personal: intimate secrets.

10. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of the inmost or essential nature: the intimate structure of an organism.

n.

11. an intimate friend or associate. 

 

As I briefly explained to my friend, my struggles are on several levels, probably beginning with the first definition of "intimate".  For whatever reason, issues from my past, ancestral issues, early childhood development or something else, I struggle to develop close, open bonds with other people.  In some ways, it probably relates to times when my trust was betrayed, but in others, it was something that was missing in my upbringing.  But whatever the cause, I trust that, in this lifetime, it is for me to figure it out and work through it.  

 

I may not actually find the root of the problem, and that will be fine, so long as I find a way past the blockage to where I can be completely open with other individuals, allowing them to see the real me without benefit of any of the walls I've erected over the years.  

 

One or two times during this lifetime, I've allowed someone to get close enough to me, to know me so well that they could finish my sentences, and I, theirs'.  At the moment, the only person in my life who is that close to me is my daughter, Heather.  I have reached a place in my life where I realize that is not enough, and that my daughter has a life of her own to live, and friends of her own to have this closeness with.  Essentially, I need to get out and make my own friends of this nature.  

 

I know that part of my block is deeply rooted in my own trust issues.  I have put far too much importance on the times my trust has been betrayed, and far too little into the lessons I learned from the experience.  Now it's time for me to put things in perspective and allow myself to grow.

 

I also find it difficult to engage in the intimacy of physical touch.  I've learned to offer loving, sincere hugs, but am still reticent to offer them unless I'm reasonably sure the intended recipient is receptive.  My ultimate goal is to offer them regardless of how they might be received or even rejected.  

 

I also find that during my lessons in healing, I am having to put more effort into healing touch, and as a result, I'm intentionally choosing that route because it is more difficult for me.  Talking, testing with the pendulum, visualizing, all come fairly easily to me so I need to stretch my kinesthetic abilities which are still in their infancy.  They will probably never be at the level of some of my classmates, and that's ok as I have other gifts they currently don't, but I would like to develop them as far as possible.

 

Finally, and the most difficult for me to discuss, is my intimacy issues with regard to a romantic partner.  For most of my life, and I have no idea where it comes from right now, I have associated sexual intimacy with at the very least, the suggestion of abuse.  It might be bondage or humiliation or subordination.  But regardless, I know in my heart that it isn't right.  As I become more conscious of how distorted my concept of physical intimacy is, and how far removed it is from true romantic intimacy, I am faced with a broken bridge which cannot be crossed until it is repaired.  

 

I know I'm changing, evolving, because dreams I used to have depicting my distorted viewpoints or betrayals have ceased.  My heart and my mind are seeking to bridge the gaps, heal the hurts and take only the lessons away, but, like an onion, there are many layers which brought me to where I am today.  

 

My goal, right now, is to slowly heal and remove those layers until, finally, I reach what I want the most:  an open heart, able to easily give and receive intimacy on any and all levels available.

I hope this will not be perceived as over sharing.  I try, in this blog, to speak directly and, when asked, to address a subject as openly and honestly as possible.  As always, all comments, suggestions and personal experiences are welcome.

My gratitudes today are:

1. I am grateful for friends who encourage me to step outside of my comfort zone.

2. I am grateful for being able to process and release a lot of the layers under which I have been hiding.

3. I am grateful for the strength to step outside of my comfort zone more and more.

4. I am grateful for the words which come to me when I need them.

5. I am grateful for the levels of intimacy I have been able to achieve so far as they give me hope for further development as I travel my path.

Love and light

 

January 8, 2014 Serendipty

I was journaling for my ART class this morning and realized that what I was writing should also be a blog post, so here it is!

As this month has been one of transformation for me, I have not followed a lot of my normal practices, but have allowed things to evolve as they would.  

For the first three weeks, I simply allowed myself to enjoy the holiday preparations.  I did my shopping, leisurely wrapped packages, did some decluttering, put up the tree (though it never got decorated), went to the gym when I felt like it, danced a lot, and did a lot of self-healing. 

As the New Year approached, I honored some work related commitments and continued to work on my book which passed the 60,000 word mark by early January.  

During one self-healing session, I was experiencing an upset stomach which was going to interfere with a movie day with my kids.  I tried a couple of things, but finally just imagined water flushing whatever toxins were upsetting my stomach away, and went on to enjoy a fun movie and froyo with the kids.

But I realized that I hadn’t gotten to the root of the problem, which became especially apparent when I started working on this month’s homework.  

And here, I will digress a bit.  I’ve discovered that the homework keeps increasing in intensity and, as a result, I can only manage to work on it for a couple of hours at a time before I need to take a break.  Although  I might be tempted to pick it up again, my Higher Self and Guides turn me away, letting me know that I need to allow what I’ve done to settle before moving on.

Back to the topic at hand (for my non-ADHD readers who might find my rapid topic changes slightly unsettling):  While going through the first couple of chapters and associated questions, it became brutally apparent that the issue I’ve been struggling with, and which is directly associated with the second chakra which I’ve been working to clear for the last 6 months or so (rather successfully, I might add), is intimacy.  

I’ve shown resistance to intimacy in many ways, but am, only now, becoming aware of the interrelationship between them.  

First, I have a really hard time making close friends, not because people aren’t out there who would be easy to connect with, but because I am still shy of letting anyone get too close.  I have, in the last couple of years, been blessed with many wonderful, amazing, caring, positively charged women in my life.  Though I have certainly opened myself up to friendships, I am not yet, for some reason, at a point where I can form the really close bonds I see they all have with at least one other woman.  

And here, I must digress again, because December saw me having to end a relationship too.  The kids and I had made a lot of effort to include her in holidays and such, despite the fact that it meant a great deal of driving to pick her up, bring her here, then return her to her home again.  On Thanksgiving, she was given a time frame for pickup, yet needed to make numerous phone calls when the earlier time had passed.  Unbeknownst to her, we were wrestling with a power problem and were not near our phones at the time.  

Upon her arrival where the festivities were well underway, with everyone cheerfully adjusting to the temporary arrangements we had to make to get dinner finished, she brought a blast of negative energy in the form of her obvious annoyance.  She promptly sat on the couch and expected everyone to serve her instead of getting up and using her walker to take her the 8 feet or so to the dining room table where the buffet was set up (I should note that she had no problem taking care of herself the year before, and frankly, I’d think she’d prefer to do as much as possible for herself!).  

She expressed annoyance at the silliness which was going on around her, and when it was time to take her home, complained about it to my son-in-law the entire way home.  

My kids subsequently expressed a lack of desire to repeat the process for Christmas (which as it turns out, was a good thing, when my daughter insisted we all unwrap our first presents from her, and a Nerf gun fight erupted in my living room!)  Thus, we gave her no time for pickup and sent her a Christmas gift which began arriving well before the Day.  

The day before Christmas, she wanted to know when to expect Mathom, and I let her know we weren’t including her for this one as she was not comfortable with my adopted grandson.  To make a long story short (and because I’m tired of the negative energy this discussion is exuding) she posted some pretty vituperative remarks publicly on Facebook which resulted in my unfriending her.  I didn’t realize at the time that she could still private message me until her anger erupted into my private message box.  At that point, I found that I could also block her and have done so.  

Although I am saddened to have to take such a strong stand, I realize that this was a test of my boundaries, and the fact that I needed to re-establish them with her.  She takes no responsibility for the fact that she has pushed her son and most of her friends away (by her own admission, friends used to come help her but rarely do any more) and now, my kids and I as well, by her constant complaining and expectations that the world should stop when she’s around and focus on her.    I wish her the best and hope she sees what she’s doing before it’s too late.  My thoughts for her involve a great deal of imaginary, heart-shaped confetti these days, love and light, and all of the blessings that are hers for the seeking.  

I don’t know if extending myself to her, only to find that the ugliness was still within her has been a setback to resolving my own intimacy issues.  It has certainly reminded me that those issues are not new to me, and certainly have something to do with the lack of intimacy in my youth, the subsequent choices I made which continued to “look for love in all the wrong places” as the song says, and the closing off I’ve done for the past 15 years or better. 

But whatever is behind it, as this is a year of putting my comfort zone behind me, I’m looking for ways to continue the process.  I’m reinstating my attendance at the Wednesday night 2-step classes for starters.  I’m doing my best to reach out to friends and family in a more loving, caring way which includes lowering my own walls still further.  And I’m opening myself up to the possibility, the very real possibility that I could meet someone and actually start dating again.    I felt a certain lightness after I typed that, and even heaved a sigh of relief, so I’m sure that by putting it out there like this, I’ve given the Universe the permission it needed, let it know that I’m ready to allow a kind of attention I’ve shied away from for a long time.

And all of this is why I have to take my homework in small bites.  When I work on homework, or re-evaluate the personal healing sessions I do, it’s exhausting!  I need time to refresh and regroup before moving on.

And speaking of healing sessions:  I had my monthly massage with Barb and told her I’d hit a block on my book.  I told her what I’ve already mentioned to others about how the latest chapter just wasn’t coming together.  I felt like I was missing an important part.  I’m so glad I did!  During the session, after she did a chelation and made a beeline for my left hip which had been hurting (and gave it a really good working out in the process!), I found myself drifting to the sticky part of the book, and suddenly, I had exactly what I needed to go on!  At first, I was worried that I’d forget by the time I got home to write it down, then realized that all I needed to do was to sit at the computer and allow.  The rest would happen without any effort on my part, because, in truth, the answer was in my subconscious mind all the time!!!

After running a number of errands (as I’m now working from home, I seem to have a preference for bundling things together so I have full days when I don’t leave the house), I came home and put the words down on screen while munching on a sandwich and soup I’d picked up at the market.  The relief at putting an end to my writer’s frustration (this was more than a mere block!) was immense!!

At the risk of writing something so long that nobody will want to take the time to read this, I'll end it here with my gratitudes and maybe write some more in another post tonight.)

1. I am grateful for lessons.

2. I am grateful for reminders that only I can set and maintain my boundaries.

3. I am grateful for the enlightenment I am receiving through homework and practice sessions.

4. I am grateful for the loving examples I have around me which will enable me to achieve the levels of intimacy I desire.

5. I am grateful for the additional energy I'm experiencing in this new life I've given myself.

Love and light (and heart shaped confetti where it's wanted or needed)

January 6, 2013 Feeling accomplished, feeling loved and feeling special.

After a day of both client work and chores, I find myself feeling quite accomplished, and realize that it really doesn't take much for us to make our days meaningful. 

Whether we do something grand like support a charitable effort or help make a major change to the world, or something seemingly minor like complete a project for a client, wash all of the bedding, put the trash out, or just sit and cuddle a child or a pet, each task we do with love gives it meaning and purpose.

I sit here now, sharing my thoughts while stopping every few moments to pay attention to a feline or two.  One stares curiously at the words moving across the screen while another head bonks my leg if I ignore her for too long.  My heart swells with love for my little, furry children.

But I feel equally warm and fuzzy as I look at the clean and folded bedding which is the result of my efforts over the last two days, or see my hallways temporarily free of fur and debris. 

Finishing a task for a client means some more hours of billing when the end of the month comes, and a sense of accomplishment that I can continue to do such tasks, sitting in front of my computer for several hours until the job is complete.

I find myself wondering, too, if this sense of warmth and accomplishment was aided by the smudging I gave my house today.  Whether the sense of dragging I felt towards the chapter I was writing in my book yesterday was partially due to some lingering negative or old energy which needed to be cleared. 

I do know that before I did the smudging, I spent a couple of days wandering around the house, accomplishing little besides the laundry, and unable to settle down to any one thing for very long before I grew bored or restless. 

So I am faced with a chicken or the egg question.  Am I settling because I smudged the house or because I got a lot of things done over the last couple of days?  And frankly, does it really matter, as long as I feel good? 

We all need to do something for ourselves, not just every now and then, but every day.  It can be as simple as fixing ourselves a healthy snack or getting that extra half hour of sleep.  It might be using that green goo that makes our face feel so good afterwards, or washing our bedding, pillows and all, in the lavender laundry detergent that makes us sigh when we sink into our soft bed after a long, busy day.

Whatever it is that makes you feel special, why wait for someone else to do it for you?  You deserve something special each and every day, and expecting someone else to provide it, or denying yourself until someone does is, well, in my opinion, just, plain silly!

I choose to do a little something to spoil myself each and every day!  How about you?

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for a whole cupboard full of clean, sweet smelling bedding.
2. I am grateful for all that I've accomplished today.
3. I am grateful to be able to put in billable hours this month.
4. I am grateful for the sheer volume of writing I've done over the past couple of months.
5. I am grateful for the encouragement and support I continue receiving for all of my endeavors, both great and small.

Love and light.

January 3, 2014 In a state of fugue

I find myself struggling to switch gears after two days of pretty intense accounting work.  I really want to write, but I just can't seem to settle, and I realize that my logical brain is at work, which is not conducive to writing.   As I write stream of consciousness most of the time, my logical brain is a hindrance.  If I'm in a place where it just won't shut down, my writing suffers, and I'm likely to sit in front of my computer, staring at the screen in frustration as the effort to even put down a couple of hundred words is worse than childbirth!

So I'm diddling and doodling around tonight, snuggling with the cats, farting around on the ipad, watching a little tv that bores the ever lovin' daylights out of me, and trying to escape this fugue state. 

I believe the only way I'll actually succeed is to do something physical tomorrow:  laundry, finish putting away the Christmas stuff. traumatize the cats by running the vacuum.  Stuff like that.  In that way, while working the logic out of my head, I can also manage to accomplish some things I need to do anyway!  Win-win!

The cats are mixed on whether they like this unsettled state.  On the one hand, they will manage to find me on the sofa, at least for a bit, where they can get some much needed attention.  On the other, I am up and down far too frequently for their taste!

In short, for the moment, aside from bringing home a little bacon, I'm not really making anyone happy.  Fortunately, this, too, shall pass!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the times I'm unsettled as it makes me really appreciate the times when I can just focus and accomplish tons!
2. I am grateful to be on the other side of the holidays where life should settle back down into a rhythm which will include a great deal of writing.
3. I am grateful for having a house to myself where I don't have to be around people should that be my choice for the moment.
4. I am grateful for my nights out dancing as they keep me from becoming a hermit.
5. I am grateful for always having enough.

Love and light.

January 1, 2014 Just another New Year's Eve....Really???

After spending a delightful evening with friends and my kids, I found myself home by 11:45, sitting at my computer, eating a healthy snack and talking to the cats.

Why did I leave the party so close to midnight, you ask?  The answer to that is both simple and complicated.

1. I had been there for over 5 hours, danced quite a bit and was getting tired. 
2. I didn't want to drive too tired on a heavy drinking night  (other people, not me)
3. The music they were playing was geared more for the younger crowd who'd come in later, and I didn't really feel like dancing to it.
4. I didn't have any reason to stay and watch all of the couples hug and kiss when my cats were waiting at home for me.  
And, number 5...................................

Yes, folks, I'm a closet Manilow fan, and have been since my teens.  But this song takes me back as well as taking me forward.

After all is said and done, it's just another New Year's Eve, and I'll be just fine.  In fact, I'll be better than fine!  This is the year I will start realizing a dream I've had almost since I learned to read (and I was reading at the tender age of 4!).

The first draft of my first novel is over 80% complete and I'm already planning at least two sequels. 

I have work to sustain me while I write without cutting into my writing time.

My kids are starting to build their own dreams, maybe a little different than what they had been planning, but they're walking the road together, in love and supporting each other.  It's all good.

I'm having my own, private Barry Manilow concert as I type and am sharing my space with cats who love me, no matter what I look like, smell like or feel like.    I've learned that I can dream big and that if I take that first step, the rest will come together. 

This year, I gained perspective.  I gained courage.  I gained another support group.  I am letting go of the idea that I have to be alone, and can safely open my heart to other possibilities.  Although this one is still going to take some work, in time, I know that I will clear space in my world for someone who walks a similar spiritual path, doesn't take himself too seriously, has a great sense of humor and a mind which can challenge and inspire me to be better than I imagined alone.

My dreams and premonitions are going in some interesting directions, too.  A month or two ago, I had a dream about a dance friend in which he brought a woman nobody had ever met to the club and introduced her as his fiancee.  This is a man who always comes alone and leaves alone (kind of like a male version of me!).  I told him about the dream and we laughed.  But tonight, he showed up late for the New Year's Eve party, dressed in a sports coat and slacks, with a date!!!  As New Year's Eve is typically special, I have to assume that this was not a first date, and that the lady means more to him than a casual date.  She didn't know many of the line dances or couples dances, so he danced while she watched, except for some two steps.  So it pretty much fits into my dream so far, except for the actual ring.  It will be interesting to see if it goes where my dream took it.  If so, I'm really happy for him as he's a very nice guy, but I'll miss dancing with him.  

And so, I'm in the mood for some Barry Manilow tonight.

Happy New Year, everyone.  May the manifestation of your dreams exceed your expectations this year!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for friends.
2. I am grateful for dreams.
3. I am grateful for lessons.
4. I am grateful for abundance.
5. I am grateful for music which feeds my soul and moves my feet.

Love and light.

December 30, 2013 We've come so far!

On this second to last day of 2013, I find myself marveling over how far, not only I have come, but how far the people closest to me have come as well. 

For myself, I was encouraged by a friend to begin a new journey in July which led me to reassess where I was and where I wanted to be, enabling me to make a huge change in early December.  I finally put my faith in myself and my ability to thrive, and left the confines which were part and parcel of a steady paycheck to follow my dreams. 

In so doing, I not only received a huge outpouring of love and support from the ladies with whom I'm sharing the journey which began in July, but also from friends both new and old, and from my daughter and son-in-law as well.  I am swimming in a pool of such intense, positive energy that sinking isn't even within the realms of my reality.

I find that I am energized to the point of hyperactive these days, unable to sit still for too long without doing something, anything except just sitting and being completely mindless.  Ideas fly through my head like meteorites on crack, and things I have wanted to organize for years are suddenly almost organizing themselves. 

Then there's my daughter and son-in-law who have been thinking and re-thinking their journey, allowing themselves to bide their time when necessary, change directions when it would further their plans, and learn valuable lessons along the way.  Their journey continues, though, for the moment, they don't know where it will take them.  They are excited about going, and where they land first is the least of their concerns (as long as it is a safe environment for their furry and scaly children!). 

I'm learning, more and more, to recognize when I'm negative talking to myself and I put a stop to it quickly, turning it to something beautiful and joyful and abundant. 

Yes, I still have many lessons to learn, many books to get written, many people to work on forgiving.  But life would be boring without something to strive for and unknown marvels around the next corner. 

So as 2013 winds to a close, my words to 2014 are "Bring it on!  I am ready to party with you!!"

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to my friend, Barb, who encouraged me to begin the journey towards becoming a healer.
2. I am grateful to the ladies who are sharing my journey.  We are all so different, yet complementary to each other, with our own, unique gifts and perspectives.
3. I am grateful for my dance friends who are always positive, supportive and, best of all, joyful!
4. I am grateful that I will see the New Year in doing what I enjoy most, with many of the people I have come to love and appreciate more than ever this year.
5. I am grateful for the relationship I have with my daughter and son-in-law and for the new journey they are beginning.  The changes to all of our lives will only make us grow better and stronger.

Love and light.

December 29, 2013 Our world is making progress!

You just have to dig a little deeper to find it sometimes! 

I have some amazing, brilliant, enlightened friends on Facebook and once in awhile, they share something which, I believe, needs even wider exposure than simply sharing it myself on Facebook.   Today is one of those days!  My friend, Megan, shared an article about a teacher in a small town in Illinois which really made me sit up and say "Oh, yeah!"  and then I realized that I needed to share it here as well.

http://wildhunt.org/2013/12/small-town-teacher-invites-wiccan-guest-speaker-into-classroom.html

As I really want people to read it and share for themselves, I'm not going to go into a lot of detail except to say that I am thrilled to see that the battle against ignorance comes in unexpected ways and from unexpected directions, and for the sake of our children and for our children's children's children, this is a most amazing thing!

Looking back at what I just wrote, I think "battle" is probably the wrong word, though there are definitely times, like the one mentioned in the article, where people need to band together, like a fighting force, but using words and community as their swords rather than anger, hate and violence. 

When you meet violence with violence, there is really only one outcome.  People will die.  People will be maimed.  Lives will be irrevocably changed, and seldom for the better.  And regardless of who "wins", the pattern will continue, because the loser will continue to be angry and fearful and ignorant, and will eventually rise up to try to take back what they believe they lost. 

I know I've mentioned this before, but there's something weird about "fighting" something.  There's such a negative connotation to that word, and if the word brings up negative images, wouldn't the energy be the same?

At the risk of repeating what so many others have said, here's my take:
Instead of fighting cancer, why not allow health?
Instead of fighting racism, why not promote acceptance?
Instead of hating our politicians, why not love and appreciate the good people they are, deep down inside?
For those who work for someone else, instead of cursing your job, find the things you love about it and embrace them wholeheartedly.  (I did this and was later told that I'd changed in a good way, though the reason wasn't apparent, nor should it have been! :))

In short, I've gotten into the habit of replacing "fight" with "allow", "hate" with "love", and have learned that the time to follow my dream and ignore my fears is right now!

Fear is simply ignorance of our potential.  When we are unable to see what lies ahead, we can react in many ways.  We can fear what lies ahead, slow our steps and even stop, remaining where we are indefinitely so we don't have to face the unknown.  Or we can embrace the potential in not knowing what is ahead of us, trusting that we have, indeed, learned to make lemonade out of lemons if that's what we're given, but knowing that, in truth, most of the time, we get something more wonderful than our feeble human minds can imagine!

My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful that I can trust in myself, my guides and the Universe and allow myself to follow the dream.
2. I am grateful for the incredible, electric energy which surrounds my life and offers unbelievable potential.
3. I am grateful for the loving, positive, supportive people who are in my life now, and are joining it in a steady stream.
4. I am grateful for words that come to my fingers, even before my brain even registers them there.
5. I am grateful for quiet days with the wind howling outside my window which encourage me to let the muse run free and wild.

Love and light.

December 27, 2013 Heart Stone

Last night, a dear friend gave me the most marvelous gift ever!  And unbeknownst to her, I'd been wanting one for awhile, though the ones I'd looked at up to now were quartz.  She told me this one was labradorite, but both my daughter and I thought it was Fluorite, and when I looked it up on the internet, found that it did look more like Fluorite, which has some amazing properties! 

Fluorite Gemstone meaning

Formerly called fluorspar, fluorite has a wide range of colors including yellow, blue, pink purple and green. It is an interesting and beautiful stone because often more than one color occurs in a single stone. The ancient Egyptians used flourite to carve statues and scarabs, the Chinese have used it in carvings for over 300 years. In the 18th century, fluorite was powdered in water to relieve the symptoms of kidney disease.
Fluorite is said to absorb and neutralize negative vibrations. It makes one more receptive to the vibrations of other stones. Fluorite should be kept in every room of the home. Fluorite is known as the "Genius Stone".

• increases concentration
• helps in decision-making

Healing properties of Fluorite

Fluorite may be used with other stones. It helps to open the way for the power of other stones to be effective. It can be used as a meditation stone to help energize the body and raise the power of concentration.
Healers use it to help with ulcers as well as the respiratory tract by stimulating cell regeneration in these areas. It fortifies bones, improves arthritic or other joint ailments. It can be laid directly on the body.

Pretty cool, I thought!  But that's not even the beginning!  I took the stone out while talking to my daughter, and just held it in my hand, warming it with my body.  I set it down for a few minutes while I gathered water and other things to do a meditation.  When I picked it back up, the darned thing was HOT!!!  Once I held it in my hand again, it cooled back down to my body temperature.

So, did I charge the stone, or was it unhappy to be away from me for even a few minutes?  Has it attuned to me?

I especially love this stone, and, in fact, could not have chosen better myself, because it has some cracks and cloudy spots some might call flaws, but which I call character.

When I shone my desk lamp on the heart stone, I noticed a bright, almost emerald green patch inside the stone, at the bottom of one of the curves at the top of the heart.  On the opposite side of the curve is a vein of less intense green.  The top of the heart is almost clear so that you can look down inside the heart to see veining and what appears to be crystalline pieces on top of stone.

Both sides of the heart appear to have cracks.  On one side, it runs diagonally from top left to bottom right.  On the other side, it bisects the heart from left to right, near the bottom. This crack has a solid, white colored spot near the far right side.

On the side with the diagonal crack, there is what appears to be a heart within a heart.  On the right side, is a very clear, green vein which forms the top loop of the heart.  Inside the green vein, the rest of the heart forms in deep, purple, set slightly off-center, to the left side of the heart.

Although the heart stone is primarily purple, there are definite veins and patches of green, from the subtlest to the most intense.  There are crystalline sections which are nearly clear, and a couple of patches of cloudy white, one at the top and one near the bottom.

All in all, I will spend a lot of time both studying and connecting with this stone, as it appears to me that it has come into my life for a very definite reason.  The fact that I have been looking at them, but never chose one for myself is, I believe, significant.  The fact that this, particular friend gave it to me is also significant.  I tease her and her husband for being yentas but they are so filled with love and have a very strong, abiding marriage and connection with each other.

Just the other night, she tried to fix me up with a new guy who's been coming into the club where we dance.  I learned yesterday that he's just finalizing a divorce and will be going on the line dance cruise.  OK, so he is definitely easy on the eyes.  But I have been keeping my distance as I tend to be rather clumsy when I feel even the slightest attraction.  But I appreciate the fact that he's really making an effort to learn to dance.

The dance world is a crazy place, though.  There are more women than men who love to dance on a regular basis so when  new man shows up with a desire to dance, it is rarely very long, if he's at all inclined, before one of those women hooks up with him.  Some of them just talk to him and listen.  Others are more aggressive.  It depends a lot on the man and what he's receptive to.  Rarely do I notice that the man actually seeks out a particular woman, but then, I admit I don't watch too closely.  What I typically notice is that a new man is learning the dances.  The next thing I usually notice is that he's found a lady friend.  What happens in the middle is a complete mystery to me!

However (and this is a biggie!), I really did seem to feel his energy last night.  OK, it could have been my imagination, wishful thinking or indigestion, but I really felt especially sparkly last night.

Clearly, if it is time for me to add a dimension to my life, I will be able to do what's necessary to move things into alignment.  Time will definitely tell.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for friends who know what I need.
2. I am grateful for all of the love and affection and laughter I am enjoying.
3. I am grateful that I'm done wrapping for another year.
4. I am grateful that I only have a few more things to clean up to clear the Christmas dust away.
5. I am grateful for the upgrade my adopted son did to my computers (even if I lost VPN temporarily due to my own mistake!)

Love and light.

December 23, 2013 And the odd dreams begin again

Last night I had the strangest dreams....

Yep, my quiet, forgettable dreaming nights have ended far too soon.  Once again, I'm taunted by dreams which remain in my mind long after I've achieved wakefulness as a result of both my musical cat and strong doses of caffeine.  Once again, I'm waking with the first thought in my head being "Huh????"

This morning's dreams seemed to focus around bathrooms.  (OK, so my bladder was also telling me to get up, in not-so-subtle ways!)

In the first dream, I had to return to Target for something.  I had been there earlier and the place was pretty empty, but this time, the parking lot was a mess and people were waiting in long lines for rest rooms which were placed outside on the north wall of the building.  I really needed to go and noticed that there were a couple of them which had very short lines, so I joined one.  The woman in line before me went in and the next thing I knew, she had picked the whole toilet up and turned it upside down and was shaking it!  She said she was unclogging it, but in an utterly novel manner!!!  As I waited, I started talking to a young woman I didn't recognize, but somehow knew worked for my old employer.  She was telling me about a task order they were getting for $208,000 which they'd been expecting as it used up the money from something-or-other.  I told her I already knew about it as I'd run into one of the owners of the company when I was in Target earlier, and he'd told me about it.  (weird as they'd have no real reason to bring up company business with me, especially in the middle of a store, but I did say the dreams were weird!)  As we talked, people apparently cut in line ahead of us without our realizing it, and there were now a couple of dozen people ahead of us.  I finally said, "screw it!", told my bladder to wait and went into the store to get what I needed.

Back at the house, I was having some trouble with my bath tub, and a plumber just happened to be there to shut off the water by crawling under the tub (ok, so I can't figure this one out either, but wait!  It gets weirder!)

We fixed the problem and I assume, turned the water back on.   Meanwhile, we had a pad of cement in the back yard on which we were installing some kind of mechanism.  Later in the day, when I turned on the shower, no water came out.  A man who just happened to be there suggested that it was electrical and, in fact, there were wires under my tub, though heaven only knows why!  There was an opening under the tub, but it was no longer big enough for anyone to crawl under to turn the water on or off.  I also mentioned that it had been working just fine in the morning!

The man told me that we had a limited amount of time to find the problem, though I wasn't clear as to whether it was because he had to leave, would only fix it for free for a certain amount of time, or because it would prove dangerous if left for too long.  At any rate, I remembered the pad in the back yard, so we went outside to check on the installation.  There was a single lightbulb on a pole and when I turned it on, it caused a spark, then went out.  He determined that that was the problem and went off to fix it.

So I'll be left wondering how electrical and plumbing can conspire to cross each other's wires and result in failure while finishing the last of my Christmassing and trying to remember where I put a particular gift which needs to be delivered!

On another note, I failed to find an acceptable Chinese restaurant for tomorrow's festivities, so we are deviating from tradition tonight to have Italian food for dinner!  These days, the Chinese aren't the only ones who work on Christmas Eve, thanks to good old, American greed!  But I am going to feed into that greed to honor or family tradition of Christmas Eve dinner out.  I will not, however, buy into this "shop around the clock" mentality that companies are establishing this year!  I feel bad for the people who have to work when the rest of us are snug in our beds, just to satisfy some corporation's idea of grabbing that last buck!

But the choice belongs to the shoppers.  If not enough shop in the middle of the night to warrant keeping the lights on all night, I'm sure that those corporations will rethink their strategy for next year!

I can still wish everyone a Merry Christmas, and hope that everyone's holiday is bright and filled with family, friends and, most of all, love!

My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful for the love and humor with which I am surrounded.
2. I am grateful to be able to provide a safe temporary home for my friends beautiful, fluffy boy.
3. I am grateful for all of the blessings I have received this year.
4. I am grateful for the new life I have undertaken, and all of the opportunities it is giving me already.
5. I am grateful for continued opportunities to help make the world a better place, and the examples my daughter sets for me.

Love and light

December 22, 2013 Holiday thoughts

As we close in on Christmas 2013,  I am fortunate to be able to get my tasks completed with less stress than I have had in years.  I rise when I wake, enjoy my coffee, breakfast and kitties before picking up the day's tasks, be it accounting work, Christmas wrapping or errands, and am gracefully flowing into Christmas with all of the joys of the season filling my very soul.

Tonight, I was fortunate enough to spend the evening dancing, sharing, loving and exuding joy with my dance friends.  In fact, we were so full of joy that Santa Claus had to come join the fun!  The love, the camaraderie, the laughter, the shared jokes it was all there!

Whether it was one of my dance partners keeping me laughing through three or four two step songs and a couple of couples' dances, or another friend not so subtly trying to find me a man, it was all done with love and affection, and the sharing of the moments was extra special tonight!

I know that, in the midst of it all, I'll finish the wrapping, find Mathom's missing stocking, get a clean bill of health for Chris' beautiful fluffy boy, Snowball, so he can finally play with Dylan without the bathroom door between them, and be ready for our traditional Jewish Christmas Eve dinner with time to spare.  In fact, I might even get some work done on my book between now and then if luck is with me!

Although I have carried my gratitude throughout the year, via my blog, my Joy Jar, and just every day thankfulness for all the blessing I have been enjoying, I feel that gratitude almost to the point of overwhelming right now.

I have enough work, enough money, enough time, and best of all, more than enough love and friendship!  I am one very lucky woman!  All of those twisting, winding, switchbacking roads I've traveled have led me here, and without the challenges along the way, I wouldn't have gotten to this wonderful, amazing place filled with the most incredible people I've ever seen!  Each and every one of them inspires me in their own way, and my life is fuller and more beautiful for the experiences!

So tonight, I'm going to name a few names, and show my gratitude to those who inspire me.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to Judy and Ron and Barb and Michelle and Meaghan who have helped me find my spiritual path.
2. I am grateful to Heather and Candy who have believed in me even when I lost sight of what was truly important, and without whom, I might never have taken the leap of faith which has me at nearly 60,000 words of the first book in my Transition Series.
3. I am grateful to Merry and Bea and Lorna and Deb and Julie and Barbara and Barb and Frankie and Richard and so many more for reminding me what an amazing place I was able to grow up in, and look back upon, and see what incredible adults we have become for the experience.
4. I am grateful to Heather and Mathom who make life interesting and fun and unusual...but never, ever boring!
5. I am grateful to Jesse and Darian who have been loyal friends to my daughter, and have added depth to my life for many years now.
6. I am grateful to Dezi and Brian, Linda and Paul, Judy and Ron, Joy and Bruno, Lisa and Ric and, again, so many others who have,  shown me, not only that we can all live and love together no matter what our spiritual path, nor what we call the positive thoughts we send each other, be it prayer, energy, or anything else, but that deep. abiding love exists for all of us, no matter how far we might have drifted away from it in our search for ourselves.
7. And finally, I am grateful for the people I met through the Ultimate Blog Challenge, like Liz and Deb, who have helped me to not only boost the traffic on this blog, but to gain the confidence to follow my dream as they've followed theirs.

I love you all, and can't even find the words to tell you how much I appreciate your being a part of my life.

Love and light.  (and happy holidays, whatever you might celebrate!)

December 17, 2013 Rockin' the To Do list.

I'm happy to say that even when I'm not really trying, I've been able to knock things off of my To Do list on a regular basis!  Today, alone, I got through about 5 things, and part of a sixth!  In short, I did some writing, got my tree up, wrapped a few presents and sent a box off to my granddaughter.  I also delivered a gift to my manicurist and got in a run to Costco to cash my rebate check and pick up a few things. 

Tomorrow, I have a haircut and some work for a client, though I'm also expecting to see some other things coming in which will have to be added to my list.

I'm liking this list thing because it not only keeps me on track, but it gives me some much needed attagirls when I feel like I haven't accomplished much.

Gift wrapping is shaping up to be particularly challenging this year, thanks to my feline children.  Dylan and Munchkin think ribbons are there for their culinary enjoyment and Dylan has also taken on the fake tree.  What goofballs!  But the fact that my living room has been turned into Santa's gift wrapping workshop severely limits the poor dears' play space.  I suppose they feel justified in taking their frustration out on unwary packages and trees!

Meanwhile, the nest I made out of a blanket and a stuffed calico cat for my elderly cat, on the mistaken assumption that she was sleeping on the floor because she could no longer make it up onto my bed is either lying empty or being occupied by Dylan.  Patches has seen fit to show me that, despite her 16 years and stiffening of her springs, making her way onto my bed is not a problem at all, but was merely a choice.  She has since made a new choice and can be found on my bed all night long and for most of the day as well!  (potty and food runs notwithstanding!)

So the holidays are chugging right along, but I'm not quite as panicked (yet) by how much I have yet to wrap.  I supposed I'm a little too lackadaisical about it right now, but will hit that "Oh, my gawd!  Christmas is only two days away and I still have a kazillion things to wrap!" stage very soon, assuming I don't kick up the wrapping between now and then!  But why should this Christmas be any different than any other?  Just because I'm working from home and getting my errands done during less busy times does not mean that I'm working any less.  The only thing I'm really missing at this point is an hour's worth of commuting every day.  (and my gas tank is still 3/4 full although I filled it up over a week ago!)

So, this is me, happy ho, ho, ho-ing as I get into my holiday mode, a bit later than normal this year, but I'm there!  I look at my house and wonder what I can drag out of the storage room to spruce things up a bit, as if the colorful packages under the tree aren't already making it look a lot like Christmas!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for all of the tasks which are keeping me busy, happy and productive.
2. I am grateful for the things I've completed, as they allow me more time to do the rest of the things I need to dol
3. I am grateful for the successes that are occurring both for me and for my kids!
4. I am grateful for the cats who give me a reason to laugh every single day!
5. I am grateful for all of the joy I'm finding when I venture out into the world these days.  May it continue without end!

Love and light.

December 15, 2013 Winding down a lazy weekend.

Things have been rather quiet around here for the last couple of days.  I guess this is the calm part, huh? 

I got past the allergy cruddy eyes by Friday, had a lovely dinner and did a bit of shopping with the kids, on Friday night, and actually got a workout and some errands in on Saturday.  But the allergy symptoms have to run their course and today started in the wee hours with a screaming headache that sent me for the new herbal allergy pills, a couple of aleve and the somewhat upright position on my sofa.  Of course, the cats came to add their comfort to the scene, but when I woke again with my head hurting, I decided a bit of movement was called for (and it WAS almost 10:00 AM by then!) 

The kitties, of course, lacked even a modicum of understanding for their late breakfast!  But I soon got some coffee into me and started feeling somewhat human, albeit very lazy. 

I have forgiven myself for taking more than my share of lazy days over the past week.  But I've learned that when I'm inclined to be lazy for a couple of days, it is generally an omen of busy days to come and time to get my body and mind in gear for the onslaught.

So, I treasure the day of relaxation and kitty cuddling, and hope they'll understand when they don't get as many pets as they think they deserve, despite the fact that I'm at home and really should be taking time out to pet them, say, every 5 minutes or so. 

So I set the coffee pot up for a normal work week, when the lovely, fragrant brew will assault my nostrils fairly early, getting me in gear for errands, a possible workout and some writing on the morrow. 

May your days be merry and bright!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that my body warns me when a day of rest is a really good idea in preparation for a great deal of busyness.
2. I am grateful that my older cat, Patches, turned her back on the nice little nest I made her in her new favorite sleeping spot next to my laundry hamper and showed me that, despite her advanced years, she could still manage to get up onto my bed all by herself, thankyouverymuch!
3. I am grateful for warm pajamas on cold nights.
4. I am grateful for thirst that reminds me to consume more water.
5. I am grateful for sleepy eyes which tell me that an early bedtime will not be a bad idea, even if it's way out of character.

Love and light.

December 13, 2013 Singin' the Christmas shopping blues...with a full tummy and a happy heart.

My daughter stopped by tonight and as I dug through all of my Amazon boxes looking for a Crayola box I was certain I'd bought, I discovered a few things:
   1. I somehow ended up with not one but two Ninja bullet sets from Kohl's.
   2. The Crayola set was nowhere to be found and when I checked my receipts, it wasn't there either.

It seems that I must have missed getting the Crayolas paid for and now had to re-order them for my Toys for Tots gift.  As for the Ninja, well, I got 2 for about half price, so either I'll keep one and give it to someone else later, or just keep it for myself as a Santa present.  Either way works for me. 
Gotta love online shopping in the middle of the night!  Guess I'll be looking more closely next year, huh?

I ended up getting out of the house for the first time since my allergies decided to make me look like a red eyed raccoon, and I'm glad I did.  I enjoyed a lovely dinner with the kids and then got some of my shopping done as well.  Not to mention, getting out and walking around after sitting for the better part of three days did me worlds of good!  It is a beautiful evening here, chilly, but not windy (at least until tomorrow when rumor has it the winds will be returning) and a nice night to walk around in the outdoor mall.  Although, when they had to unlock the doors to let us leave the Hallmark store, we were all surprised that it had gotten so late while we ate and then strolled.

All in all, it was a perfect way to end my first week of self-employment (and yes, not only did I get some writing done, I also put in some billable hours and finalized the contract with my former employer to do contract work!)

I am feeling pretty darned good about myself, my life and the choices I've made!  2013 is going out with a bang, and 2014 will be my most amazing year yet!  (although, if my typing skills continue to be as bad as they are tonight, I might have to invest in a Dragon!)

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that the herbal remedy we got from a friend knocked the bejeebers out of my allergies.
2. I am grateful for the day of rest from contacts I gave my eyes.
3. I am grateful for the plethora of story ideas that keep dancing through my dreams.
4. I am grateful for all of the joys of the holidays, and how they follow me all year long!
5. I am grateful for the clearing of all my debt in the next few months, thanks to lots of success in my chosen endeavors.

Love and light.

December 11, 2013 OK, so what is the Universe trying to tell me this time?

Last night was one of those nights when I was entertained by a parade of weird dreams, some of which were apparently brought on by outside influences.

Sometime in the dark of the early morning, I was awoken from a dream in which my face was being vigorously washed by a rough cat tongue.  Upon awakening, I discovered that my darling Toby (who has, unlike Dylan, not learned the concept of "gentle tongue") was, indeed, giving my a cat facial.  The only way I was able to get away from his insistent bathing was to put a pillow over my face!  He has never done that before.

The next dream took place at Borderline where the crowd was extremely thin and most of the people were strangers to me.  I finally left my table on the freeway side and moved my things to a booth (there are no booths at Borderline) on the parking lot side, near where my friend, Bill, usually sits.  The music being played was very odd for the pre-class time period, and the DJ booth was dark.  The owner said that the whole booth wasn't working and that he had debated whether or not to even open because of it.  In the meantime, Bill was running a bunch of extension cords and such to hook a small stereo up to the sound system.  Te weird part of that was that, although the stereo only had a CD player, he had a table with a bunch of LP's on it.  I tried to get out on the floor to dance a solo Cowboy Cha Cha, but kept messing it up as I seemed to forget the sequence of the dance, and, when I looked at other dancers, they weren't dancing the normal sequence either, but seemed to be in sync with each other while I was not.  Feeling an urge to use the bathroom, I went over and discreetly pulled a couple of Cottonelle wipes from a box I had left under my jacket.

In the next dream, I had a very odd assortment of animals including a chicken who was using the cat's sand box, and had the runs.  When I called the vet, they started talking about cysts and other medical conditions which could cause this in a chicken, and I was getting ready to take said bird to the vet when I awoke. 

There doesn't seem to be any kind of common thread here, so I'm going to ponder it awhile before I write more.

After a long day of researching insurance, working on the setup for one client and the contract with another, knocking out a few more chores and adding another 2000 or so words to my novel, I'm no closer to understanding what messages I might have been given mean.  So I'll simply ask for clarification and sleep on it! :)

I did get the kitchen put back in order, finally, while sitting on hold, waiting for the California version of the insurance act got around to me.  And though I only stepped outside to get the mail today, the wind did it's work and has left me with goopy eyes and a stuffy head.  Thank goodness for the neti pot!!!  I can at least breathe, even if my sinuses are swollen.  And, I know that, this, too, shall pass, and I'll be back out there, kicking up dust in no time!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for less productive days which make me appreciate the ones when I am unstoppbable.
2. I am grateful for days when I feel less than par to make me appreciate the majority of the days that I feel wonderful!
3. I am grateful for getting a few more things off of my to do list without adding an equal number back.
4. I am grateful for consistency with my writing, even when it means staying up until 1 or 2 AM to make it happen.
5. I am grateful for warm kitty bodies to snuggle with on these cold, blustery nights.

Love and light.