July 29, 2011 People who inspire me every day

I posted a couple of things on my status on Facebook the last couple of days in which I reiterated my desire to keep positive posts on my wall, including those posted by others.  But what really hit me today was that although I subscribe to a number of pages which post something positive and inspirational every day, I'm even more inspired by the people on my friends list than by those written or shared by people I don't know.

There is one woman, in particular, who can awe me with her amazing outlook.  Everything she posts is amazing and positive and so much more powerful because of how heartfelt they are.  I found myself thinking today that, from the viewpoint of an outsider like me (I don't know her very well), it looks like she has had the perfect life since birth.  She is married to a man who clearly loves her deeply, has wonderful, smart, talented children and a life full of friends and family.  Her home is beautiful, and often filled with family and friends enjoying each others company as well as her hospitality.  But what I realize is that her life has, I'm sure, had its share of challenges.  What differs is how she looks at and reacts to those challenges.  In short, if her life is, indeed, perfect, it is because she made it so by her attitude.  Even when her husband was ill, what I saw was that he was still feeling crummy, but was on the mend.  Clearly, her glass is always half (or maybe even three quarters) full. 

All of the people who are selling their books and videos and seminars about finding joy, attracting your soulmate or your perfect life could really take a page or three out of her book.  She teaches all of these things by example, with no expectation of compensation.  She is Joy and everyone fortunate enough to touch her life in any way, however small, will come away better for the experience.

Although I mention one person in particular here, there are many who inspire me and bring a smile to my face with their posts.  Many make me think about how I'm living my life and give me ideas for improving myself.  Many who touch my life and make me not only richer for the experience, but also better.  I am so blessed to have such inspirational people in my life to remind me of what's truly important.


And this is what I want for myself.  That everyone whose life touches mine will come away a little richer for the experience. 

Love and light.

July 26, 2011 I've been waiting and waiting and waiting...

And I'm still waiting, but it gives me more time to pack stuff up so it can be moved out of the way quickly when the deluge of activity begins.  Did you know that the local office supplies no longer carry packing boxes in bulk?  We have really become an online shopping society where many of the things we want and need have to be ordered instead of just picked up locally.  It's not that it takes long for things to arrive, often only a day or two, but more and more often, ordering is your only option now.  I do like the idea of getting presents all the time, even if I'm sending them to myself, but what if I really needed something Now!?  Would I have to settle for something less appropriate?  Are the merchants forcing us to become a "plan ahead or make do" society?  Are we feeding their need for more profits and smaller staffs?  Where will it end?  And have we been the real cause?  Have we caused the demise of our own convenience?  This is the stuff of scary science fiction shows where children are taken from their parents by alien forces and made into slaves.  (oh wait, that's already been done!) 

On the other hand, if we just order online and wait for delivery, doesn't that mean more time for our kids and pets?  Will they be the unwitting beneficiaries of our loss of convenience?  I know that Dylan wasn't complaining as he lay on the sofa between me and Mathom tonight while we took turns stroking his soft, silky self and skritching his belly and chin.  Had I been out shopping for boxes and such, he would have been neglected.  Now that everyone is settled all snug and warm in their beds, I can do my shopping and know that I will have my items in a matter of days, and without neglecting my furry children to do it. 

So our modern shopping conveniences and inconveniences are definitely a double edged sword.  They help and they hinder, but when our need is to touch and smell and otherwise examine our potential purposes with senses other than our eyes, our options are becoming more and more limited!

What price progress?

Love and light.

July 25, 2011 Wait for it....wait for it...

Seems like that's what I've been doing lately, is waiting for things I know are coming, but seem to be getting  delayed for one reason or another.  I suspect that, like the proposal that hit my desk this morning, they're all going to start coming at once.  I need to start weeding through more stuff so I can clear out my bedroom, the living room and kitchen, among other places, when the contractors are ready to knock walls out and start working on the interior of the house.  Meanwhile, on the work front, meetings the next couple of days to address new issues and old, proposals and work flow.   And let's not forget we're coming to the end of another month and all that entails!  I really do need to book a couple of days off in August, but when???  I have some ideas, but isn't it always the case that they coincide with other important events?  I'm almost tempted to just throw a dart at the calendar and go for whatever dates it hits!  I need to get out to the Fair to see Heather's entries too!  She's entered some of her chain mail jewelry, a photograph of Yosemite and her fudge will go in next week! 

But we did get four kittens adopted on Sunday and we have some really adorable babies right now!  How anyone can resist their pooty faces I'll never know! 

I think my little darlings are sensing that their world is about to be turned, temporarily, upside down as they've been very clingy and snuggly lately.  I woke up early this morning with Munchkin plastered against my back, and no matter how many times I moved or got up, she was NOT moving from where she'd chosen to sleep.  Dylan has been plastering himself to my side when I'm sitting on the sofa, and Patches keeps coming out looking for attention and reassurance. 

With everything going on, my writing has really suffered.  Even this blog is hit or miss and I don't like being so cavalier with my own responsibilities to myself.  This is one of those times when having 8 arms would be very helpful!  I could work on my writing, snuggle all of the kitties and get this house in order for disorder!  But as I am a mere mortal possessing the factory standard two arms, I'll just muddle along until everything is done.  (seems like old times, eh?) 

Heather informed me that Hailey and Cinders are now leaving evidence of their hunting prowess.  Small parts of recently deceased rodents showed up in front of the workbench today.  I guess they ran out of room wherever they were stashing the parts!  I'm sure it won't be long before their trophy cabinet includes a few bird feathers as well.  They are definitely working cats!  My garage is blissfully silent of teeny footsteps these days, and even the clunking and clanking of the girls getting past obstacles to reach their prey has ceased.  The area is clear!  Now we can start putting things away and fixing what the rats chewed through.  It even appears that they made what has clearly become a fatal attempt to share the girls' food! 

And on the granddaughter front, Jenni and Sera joined us for dinner on Friday night after which the three of us walked around the mall, swinging Sera between us. Heather and Mathom had gone in search of apples.  Jenni is now inclined to let her daughter get to know her grandma, which works just fine for me, but I have to start remembering to take the camera wherever I go!  She's growing up so fast, and is a perfect model for the baby clothes Jenni is designing and making.  I can't believe she's almost two!  We'll be getting together next month to celebrate her birthday so I need to find her some fun birthday presents. 

All in all, life is good, and even, a great deal of the time, excellent!  I'm finding that I can have anything I want.

Love and light.

July 23, 2011 Breakin' in the weekend

So here it is, Saturday again!  After a wonderful, and somewhat unexpected evening having dinner at Souplantation with my daughters (yes, both of them), Mathom and granddaughter, I wandered the mall with Jenni and Serenity who finally stopped being crabby when we stopped making her sit still and let her walk and swing between us.  Sometimes, sitting still while grownups talk is just not what a two-year-old (almost) wants to do!  She really is the cutest little doll baby, and, of course, I forgot to get pictures AGAIN!  and the dress she was wearing was a Jenni creation with a black bodice and a flame print skirt.  It was too adorable, and got more than one compliment from passers by.  On our walk, Serenity saw a black lab puppy and ran right up to it and started giving hugs and pats, much to the puppy's delight, and the owners' surprise.  She repeated this with a fluffy, poodle-like dog later on, to another owner's surprise.  She just loves puppies and seems to understand when she can and cannot approach them and play just like a puppy would.  Jenni takes the puppy kisses and kissing in stride, knowing that it's just all part of growing up.  Although she's trying to feed Sera a healthy diet, and use a lot of green products, she knows, like I did, that kids need the chance to get dirty and contrary to popular belief, it helps their immune system.  I believe Jenni is starting to get past her belief that I'm evil, as she was completely non-combative last night, even when I started dancing TGIF in the middle of the mall (well, the song was on!  Could I really let it go by undanced???).  So people stared.  They also smiled!  Even a one person flash mob can create more smiles!  Who knew?  We talked about a number of things including Sera's upcoming birthday and will actually spend this one, a little belatedly, but with her for the very first time!  I'm very happy to see signs of healing in our relationship.  We have a long way to go, but every journey starts with the first step, and Jenni is now taking the initiative to walk through the door I've left open.  Interestingly, she also said some things about Isaac last night which were almost verbatim what I told her two years ago, but she didn't want to hear.  And to my credit, I just smile and nod and don't comment.  There's really no need as I don't feel smug about it.  I'm just happy that she finally saw him for what he is. The fact is, there's no more need for me to speak ill of Sera's father than it is of Jenni's.  They are who they choose to be, and both Jenni and I have made choices to protect our children as best we could. 

After dinner, we went to Border's.  Although the sale wasn't that great, the store was mobbed, hot and the line nearly an hour long to pay.  They also had really nasty music playing nearly as loud as it does in a bar.  We were glad to finally get out of there, but when I got home, I found it impossible to unwind.  The kids, on the other hand, had no problem at all, but Heather had to be at work at 6 AM, so that's a good thing.  I tried playing a game on the computer, watching tv and finally, reading in bed which, coupled with a bunch of very snuggly furry children, did the trick after about an hour.  Unfortunately, coupled with another overcast morning, it meant that I slept until nearly 10!  Oh, well, it just means that the things I planned to do today get started a little later. 

And so, my weekend begins!

Love and light

July 20, 2011 I love attracting all of the good things!

Life is good!  Driving home tonight, I found myself wondering if I'd paid one of my credit card bills which is due on the 20th.  I was thinking today was the 21st, so if not, it would be late. As I was driving and traffic was basically moving, I couldn't exactly pull out my checkbook and look, so it had to wait until I got home.  As soon as I pulled into the driveway, got me and my stuff out of the car and went inside, I hurried to my computer to pull up the excel spreadsheet where I keep track of my bills.  Sure enough, I hadn't paid it yet, so I began to curse myself for incurring a late payment fee.  Having a conversation with my daughter, I realized that it was only the 20th, but figured that since it was already after 3PM, I was still too late.  Imagine my delight when I made my payment online, and the website told me that my payment had been received on July 20th!  Voila!  No late fee!  I am so jazzed that I remembered the day of instead of the day after and took care of it!  And even better, this particular company doesn't have the ridiculous 3:00 PM cutoff.  As long as I do it before 12 MST, I'm gold!  Ooo, and I do love gold!  (as I typed "ooo" it reminded me that I typed it on my iPhone earlier, and the stupid thing corrected it to "pop".  If I wanted to say "POP" I'd have typed it in the first place!)  OK, before I go into a mini rant about the iPhone and it's spell check, I'm going to change the subject.

I'm sitting in the chiropractor's office tonight, waiting my turn when a lady comes in, all a-flutter, complaining about how bad traffic was tonight and how she's so stressed out and someone almost rear ended her, etc. etc.  She asks me if I had to take the freeway and was it bad (turns out we came from the same direction).  I told her it was no worse than normal, and was only congested for a couple of miles before it opened up.  She says "but doesn't it bother you when it's that bad?"  I tell her that I stopped letting traffic bother me awhile ago and that I focus instead on how fortunate I am to have such a pretty drive instead of the concrete and buildings in L.A.  After that, she stopped complaining and thanked me for helping her see things differently.  I love passing positivity on!  Just like a smile, it's equally good for the giver and receiver, and just makes the world a happier place.  Now, if I can just find a way to pass that joyful feeling to the muscles in my back and get them to chill out and relax!  Enjoy the ride and stop being so tense!  I guess this falls under the heading "baby steps". :) 

Meditations have been amazing lately.  I'm sure that the Ambient Radio station I have programmed into Pandora helps, but I'm just finding it easier to reach that "floaty" place where I stop feeling my body and just become Spirit.  I've also been experimenting with meditating before I eat lunch instead of after.  I think it works better, but some days, I just wait too long to eat and am starving so I have to eat, then meditate.  Not only does it put me in a calmer, gentler place, it lets my mind open up further to new possibilities.  I'm much less reactive even when someone comes in and starts talking to me in a way that would have caused me to react and ultimately cause a confrontation.  Now, I'm more likely to listen calmly, respond the same, and not allow other people to make me feel like I'm being attacked.  Just as it takes two people to make an argument, it takes an attacker and an attackee for a situation to degenerate into an attack.  If one party fails to fulfill their part of the equation, it just ends up being benign.  I don't know, in the case I'm remembering, if the other person went away feeling cheated, but we didn't end up getting angry with each other over something stupid, and that suits me fine! 

All in all, I'm really enjoying the me I'm becoming who no longer feels the need to just jump in with both feet, both barrels firing.  I am relaxed, happy and peaceful and know that I continue to attract my Joy and positive energy now. 

Love and light.

July 19, 2011 Keepin' on keepin' on

True to my vow to be more consistent with my writing, I'm starting a post for today despite the fact that I don't think I really have much to say.

I seem to have hit roadblocks in several aspects of my life and know I just need to keep digging away at the rocks that have gotten in the way until my path is, once again, clear.  Although Heather and Mathom are ready to finish tearing down the brick wall, and, in fact, are putting things in motion, I have yet to see the plans for my house and the contractor is suddenly not answering my calls.  Although I know there's a reasonable explanation, it does leave me without a clue as to when things will start, much less when they will end.  However, it does give me a little more time to pay down the line so I'll have more to work with, and I've really been spending a lot less money over the last couple of months in preparation for the increased expenses and, ultimately, the increased house payment.  Granted, despite the added expenses I've already taken on with the new car, I'm not concerned about meeting my financial obligations.  I'm more concerned about moving the cats around as things progress.  I did, realize, however, that I shouldn't have to squish everyone into the two small bedrooms because, if we plan this right, the living room and kitchen will be completed first so we can move in there, perhaps with cages for the cats for a short time while the bedrooms are being completed.  Of course, we will have to find a way to get to one of the bathrooms with a shower!  I'd hate to have to get up really early every day so I could go to the gym and shower, or else go late at night.  But it would get me there, and once there, I might as well work out, so, again, it wouldn't be a bad thing!

Hitting the roadblocks is giving me a lot of time to think about how to work through things once the way is clear, and I think that as I do, I am coming up with some really workable solutions.  Just as it's important to have some down time like I did last weekend, it's also important to take the time to step back away from the craziness and think things through with a clear head.  It's amazing how possibilities open up when you take time to get out of the "weeds" and up on top of a mountain where the view is unobstructed.

And so, from my vantage point part of the way up my mountain,

Love and light.

July 18, 2011 Bringing the lazy days to a close

I've been really lazy about my writing, in all areas, for the past week or so.  My last blog was 7 days ago, my last ACIM lesson was a month and a half ago, and the last time I wrote anything in my book was over a week ago!  I've taken laziness to new heights, but accept that sometimes I just need to veg and regroup, so that's what I've done for the last couple of weeks.  I trust it has not been for naught, and that I will emerge full of brilliant ideas, flowing prose and amazing productiveness.  It didn't hurt that most of Saturday was spent in self pampering.  Nails, Massage and Pedicure were the order of the day, leaving me too limp and relaxed to even go dancing Saturday night.  And that, too, is ok.  My knee is much better, but a few days off might just do it some good. 

Meanwhile, back at the zoo, Heather turned her back on the open cage where she and Mathom were keeping the mice for his snake for a few seconds, but plenty of time for Mr. Dylan to reach his paw into the cage and snag himself a mousie.  Not only did he snag it, but he proceeded to torture the poor thing, only to have Toby try to join the fun.  For the first time that I am aware of, Mr. Dylan...Hissed!  The cat who earned the nickname "Mellow Yellow" from the time he became part of the family actually acted aggressively for the very first time!  He was not inclined to share his toy with anyone, not even his favorite brother and grooming companion!  Not wanting to have me find mouse guts in the house, and since the mouse had grown too big for his snake to handle (read, swallow whole), Mathom somewhat kindly removed the mouse to our "barn cats'" clutches where it met a quick and more merciful end than it was experiencing at Dylan's paws.  I have to say that I'm not overly thrilled with the idea of having live food brought into the house for the snake or any other animal residing under my roof,  but I'm happier of their end is somewhat quick and merciful and occurs out of my sight.  Dylan clearly thinks he needs to play with his food for awhile, as is evidenced by the amount that ends up on my kitchen floor as he digs his way to the bottom of the food bowl to make sure he's getting the pieces he likes best! 

At any rate, even if I babble as I have tonight, I vow to be more diligent about keeping this blog going on a regular basis from now on, at least until the next bout of down time enforces itself upon my unsuspecting self.

Love and light.

July 11, 2011 Ahhhh, Peace!

As has been my routine for some time now, I did a meditation during my lunch hour, using the Ambient Radio station I've found on Pandora as background.  At first, my mind did a repeat performance of last night's nearly vain attempts to find sleep, and bounced all over the Universe, attracting thoughts which surely weren't even mine!  Yet, I accepted the thoughts so I could let them go back from whence they came, focused on the music and, ultimately, found that peaceful, drifting place I often find when I meditate, and always find when I go for my monthly massage!  However, when I returned to full consciousness (assuming being aware of people and things around me truly is a state of full consciousness) I found myself wishing I could  just stay in that peaceful state for the rest of the day.  So I left the Ambient Music on instead of switching back to either one of my country station settings or the smooth jazz one.  The office sounds continued to drift around me, and in some cases, felt pretty discordant, but maybe a little less than normal as I moved along in a more peaceful and accepting space.

I maintained that pleasant, nothing can annoy me state through the end of the day, and even on the drive home when one of Thousand Oaks' finest alternately rode my bumper and left about 10 cars worth of room before finally exiting the freeway, much to my relief.  Not that I could have done anything wrong as traffic was slow while he was behind me, and as soon as things opened up, he scooted into the next lane and took off, but there's something about having a black and white on my tail that just inhibits the joy of an afternoon drive towards the mountains!

Home again to my latest "roommate" who is really pretty quiet and gives me plenty of space.  Between us, we got the trash done so Miss Heather can just relax when she gets off of work. 

Funny thing, though.  As I sat on the sofa watching a little TV, Toby decided to stand on my leg, and when he left, I had two perfect paw prints impressed into my skin, and an hour later, they're still there!  That's my big, furry boy! 

But just another quiet night of writing, reading, laundry and minor chores before bed.  I also need to put an outfit together for tomorrow's day long meeting and staff dinner, not to mention charging my laptop which I have thought about, then forgotten at least 10 times since I got home!  I'd best pull it out now before I forget it completely!

Love and light.

July 10, 2011 Another weekend sped by before I knew it!

It hardly seems like I've had two days off, but here we go, and in less than 2 hours, it will be Monday again, and the week ahead will be a busy one with meetings and more remodeling stuff and heaven only knows what other excitement is in store!

Adoptions today were disappointing, but there were a lot of lookie loos, so maybe we'll hear from them over the next week.  We did have about 5 adoptions on Saturday including one of the gorgeous Maine Coon boys!  His brother is a bit sad without him, but I know he'll find a home soon too, because he is a very sweet, loveable cat who just needs to find his person.

Saturday, I got another 2000 words written for my book, which I consider to be a good day's work.  I just need to do this every week, so I'll have something to edit before the end of the year! 

Dancing Saturday night was fantastic and I finally learned an older line dance I've been wanting to learn, although I need to spend some time cleaning it up.  I can't wait until I have that big open space between my kitchen and living room to practice in!  The cats will be crazy trying to get underfoot, but we'll find a way to make it work for all of us.  Putting the trees near the windows will help!  I have found, though, since my little run in with Levaquin, that by the time I think I've had enough, in a matter of a couple of hours, I find that I've actually overdone it, but it is taking more to reach that point now, and I'm not skipping as many line dances.  Saturday night, I danced most of the line dances, 3 couples dances and a mixer in the 3 hours or so I was there.  I did opt out of Chill Factor, one of my favorites, which was played just before I left as I suspected I'd already done too much, which was confirmed when I had to take two Aleve in order to get to sleep because my leg was hurting so much!  But still, it IS getting better because Aleve did nothing at all for the pain when it first started.  I'm very grateful for every sign of improvement I get, and I am planning on accepting an invitation or two to two step starting next week, even if it means I sit out more line dances.  It's time to get back on that horse! 

All in all, I'm feeling very good about my book, my dancing, my healing and the week ahead!

Love and light.

June 9, 2011 Being vewwy, vewwy qwiet!

I realize I haven't posted anything in a couple of days, but it's just been so very quiet and peaceful, I didn't have much to say.  So peaceful in fact, that I faded out and was in bed before 10 last night, which almost NEVER happens!  I promised myself I would sleep in and cuddle kitties this morning.  The second part happened, but I was awake well before 8 and was able to let Loki and Toby sprawl across me for as long as they wanted (which for Loki wasn't that long because the poor baby was starving!) 

So here I sit, with a quiet house (Heather's at work and Mathom must have gone to check traps to see if Neko has shown up yet), chai and water at hand, and ready to actually do some writing today!  My first week without Priti was actually fairly peaceful.  I got a lot of work done!  In fact, in addition to the daily and weekly tasks she does, I got the budget updated and both bank recs done!  I have a feeling I'll be very glad I did because I'll be in meetings all day Tuesday and half of Wednesday, and I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop with the proposal I know is imminent.  It's good to get the plate cleared before the storm begins brewing. 

Dylan has taken his usual place on the desk where he likes to lay while I'm working in my office.  In fact, in his mind, I should never leave and go work in any other office but this one!  (although, once the remodel starts, it will be better for me to be somewhere else, and, at some point, I'll be without internet access for at least a day or two which would make it impossible for me to work from home for very long, and, even with my laptop, I could only do so much before I needed power or internet.



On the health front, the knee is feeling much better today, but I'm noticing weakness in my hip again, so the chair yoga I picked up off of Facebook last week should come in handy, but what I really need to do is get my lazy butt back to the gym and do some weight work that will strengthen everything back up!  (and this is why one of the things I've added to my meditation lately is motivation!) 

But my book awaits and I have much to do today, so I'll end this as usual.

Love and light.

July 6, 2011 The mind is a terrible thing to waste!

As I sit here waiting for kitty pictures to upload to Petfinders so I can add some more of our kitties, waiting for my laundry to finish so I can put it away and finishing digesting the wonderful chicken enchiladas Mathom made for us tonight, my mind just wanders aimlessly, but I thought I'd try to write something anyway.

I still don't feel ready to try two-stepping while my right knee feels weak, so I'm getting other things accomplished in the meantime.  It gets better every day, but when I've overdone it, I am reminded quite clearly that by the time I feel that I've danced enough, I've probably crossed the line as far as my knee is concerned.  The tendon is still a bit sore to the touch, but nothing like it was even a week ago!  I did a chair yoga stretch at work today which seems to have made it feel looser, so I plan on continuing it from now on.  Every little stretch helps, you know!   (I just checked my upload and after three minutes, it hasn't even gotten one picture done, and I am uploading three!  I could be here all night at this rate!  I have 6 kittens and one teenager to set up tonight!)


I'm finding that the kids are trying harder to keep the house clean lately, and it's a real pleasure to walk in and find the kitchen in order, no more piles of stuff in the living room and sometimes, even dinner made!  Granted, it's summer so they are each only taking one class and Mathom is still working on getting a job, but at least they're helping without being asked, for the most part.  Of course, it's going to get interesting when we start the remodel, but for now, we are coexisting well.  I just need to remember that there's a boy in the house and I have to shut my bedroom and bathroom doors when I change clothes and stuff!  It's been so long since I had to worry about it, and Heather and I have no modesty at all with each other!  Then there's Munchkin who is positively affronted if you close a door with her on the other side.  How a 7 pound cat can body slam a door is a mystery to me!

With all of my motivational groups on Facebook, I'm taking to heart some of their inspirational messages.  I seem to have gotten off track a bit on my book and am focusing my thoughts and meditations on regaining my motivation and my track.  I know that I can't manage to write every day, but I need to take at least one day on the weekend and put a concerted effort into knocking out a few pages.  I did find out that 100 words a page was vastly understated.  Just for grins, I counted the words on a page of a book I read while waiting for my car at the car wash.  The total?  350 words!  My measly 16,000 words (and that's not even saying they're all useable!) wouldn't fill a child's picture book!  But I shall persevere because I know that what I'm doing needs to be done!  I just need to get it all out of my heart and brain so I can begin to edit!  I also need to stop criticizing myself at this stage of the game, and just get the words and thoughts out of me.  There will be plenty of time to sweat over which words to use and where to put the commas later. 

So that's where I am right now.  Many things on the plate, but a lot of waiting at the moment.  I guess this is my breather before the craziness begins, and breathers should be savored as they don't come around often.

Love and light.

July 5, 2011 Random thoughts on subjects of varying degrees of importance

As I sit in front of my computer trying to exhaust my brain enough to sleep, a myriad of thoughts chase each other around my brain.  Thoughts like "I'm glad my friends are not like my relatives."  or "interesting how the women in my family all seem to go through a period of major insecurity.  Some of us outgrow it, and others never do."  And with the last, is insecurity genetic instead of learned, or do each of us have enough of our mothers in us that we inadvertently teach it to our daughters.  (I can't speak for the sons as I'm not close enough to any of them to get their input).  My mom and one of my aunts were frighteningly similar in many ways.  They'd both get all huffy if things weren't going as they wanted, and although my aunt had a nervous breakdown when I was a kid, it very well could have gone the same way my mom did, if circumstances were only slightly different.  Is that why they have had to chew the whole thing up, hash and re-hash and share it with anyone within earshot?  Is it really, for them, a "there but for the grace of G-d go I" kind of situation, and the only way that they can keep from being afraid is by setting themselves above my parents?  If that's the case, as far as I'm concerned, whatever works, but is it truly working if they have to keep re-hashing to remind themselves?  Hard to say.

Other thoughts spinning around are focused on the fact that I haven't really written anything of note in a couple of weeks.  I was going to sit down this weekend, but never really had the quiet I wanted, and just didn't motivate myself.  Last time I really got some good writing in, I was actually compelled to sit down and write, and it just came spewing forth.  I struggled over about 800 words in my last session, and probably could have done more had I maintained the quiet I needed and not allowed myself to get distracted.  At the moment, I'm feeling like a lot of what I've written is somewhat preachy, but I'm not sure, right now, how to fix it nor how to change direction.  I know that it will come to me and forcing it won't make it come any faster, but it really is frustrating! 

I'm seeing and hearing a lot of mention of illness lately, and I'm trying to detach myself from those thoughts and conversations as I work on allowing my body to reach it's natural, healthy, divine state.  That isn't to say that I don't have an ache or pain, nor that the weather changes aren't making my sinuses cranky, but I see this as part of the normalization process that's occurring within me right now, sort of like growing pains, and I need to just allow the process to proceed until it has gone through all of the steps it needs to in order to return me to that perfect, healthy state.  I know that things I've done have pushed me away from that place, and that, just as when you make a wrong turn and drive for awhile in the opposite direction from where you need to be, it takes awhile before you get back on the right road.  Meanwhile, you might find yourself driving through some pretty dicey areas before returning to the proper route.  I guess it's no different than when I quit smoking and hacked my brains out for a year or so, clearing all of the crap from my lungs.  I still need to clear crap from my body so that it can function efficiently. 

I had contemplated trying to go to the two-step lessons tomorrow night, but my right knee is still a bit on the weak side, and I think another week of stretching it, resting it and concentrating on line dancing will get me back to normal faster than pushing it tomorrow night. 

And finally, the stir fry mix of asparagus, mushrooms and onions Trader Joe's has in their fresh vegetable case is quite tasty and went very well with last night's leftover chicken! 

Love and light

July 2, 2011 Thoughts on Taming of the Shrew and other ramblings

Enjoyed a very entertaining performance of Taming of the Shrew in the park at CLU last night, complete with a lovely picnic made by my daughter and her boyfriend.  I even managed to get in and out of the low lawn chair the venue requires without assistance!  Was it the hill or is that tendon gaining strength even when it's paining me greatly?  Although I could definitely do without the pain, if it's part of getting the strength back in my leg, well, the end justifies the means.

My friend, Christine, shared a most amazing collection of Tarot cards with cat themes, one of which was done by taking photographs of cats, scenes in Prague and various miniature baroque themed costumes and putting them all together to create simply beautiful scenes.  I may have to locate and purchase (or purr-chase) the deck for myself!  I think I could learn to read that deck as well because the scenes are very detailed and fitting of the cards they depict.  Granted, the readings I would get with one of these decks would vary to some degree from the same reading done with my Spiral deck, but then, that would be the case regardless of which deck was used.  The imagery definitely impacts the reading.

At any rate, back to Shrew.  I had not revisited the play in a very long time, and had not remembered that the story for which I remember the play was actually a play within a play, although, by the end, the part about the joke being played on an unsuspecting traveler seemed to have gotten lost somewhere.  At any rate, I found myself feeling quite annoyed at how Petruchio essentially beat Kate into submission by starving her, denying her sleep and denying her visits to her family until she agreed that black was white, and even then, continued to humiliate her in front of his friends and servants.  It makes me wonder if Shakespeare wrote the play as a tribute to the male dominated world of the time, or to ridicule the process by showing a blatant and cruel abuse of the belief system which saw women as little more than chattel and men as the gods they were supposed to adore and obey, no matter what?  I, myself, would surely have been like Kate in the early part of the story, and would more likely remained unwed and perhaps working in some menial position to support myself rather than be owned by some mere male of the species!  Isn't it fortunate that I'm living in the current era with such untoward thoughts and beliefs? :) 

Either way, the performance was extraordinary, the actors drawing us into the story quite skillfully.  I look forward to The Merchant of Venice at the end of the month. 

Love and light

June 30, 2011 Of gratitude and positive thoughts...and cabbages and kings

While enjoying another wonderful night of dancing with a group of the most positive and inspiring people around, we, once again, got into a discussion about gratitude and keeping our thoughts positive.  One fellow used as an example the song that was playing for two step.  He said that he could say "that's a terrible song.  Why would the DJ play such a thing.  It's just a terrible two step!"  Or, he could say "that's not much of a two step, but it made for a fun song to just be silly to" (which, of course, is what he did!)  I could say that the set of line dances that only included two that I either wanted or could do was disappointing, or, as it happens, I appreciated it because I was able to dance later than normal and saved my still healing tendon for a couple of dances I really love which were played later in the evening (plus they allowed for the excess of potty breaks I seem to be needing lately, along with the gallons of water I'm consuming!  I know, TMI!).  It's all in how you look at things.  And, by the same token, if you look at things as always disappointing, guess what?  You'll always attract things that disappoint you.  But if you look at everything as something which brings you joy, what else could you possibly attract but things that bring you joy? 

I know I was a bit off, and more than a little cranky for a couple of days, but today I realized that a lot of the questions I was raising in my first draft of my book have now been answered, and with them, maybe a block I was having as to where to go next.  I had been pondering the subject of how my relatives seemed to have disappeared from my life after my dad died, although, in hindsight, I could have made more effort to keep in touch too.  But now that I know a few more things, I realize that, in the long run, they did me a favor.  While they hashed and rehashed the details of both deaths, I was left to my own devices which, in time, included allowing myself to not only let go, but to accept and forgive.  Had I been spending a lot of time with family members, I would, clearly, have been subjected to this hashing and rehashing which is definitely a downward spiral of negative thoughts and I wouldn't have learned the lessons which have been my gifts over the last few years. 

Thus, I am grateful that my relatives did not make an effort to keep me in their fold as it allowed me to grow and to thrive and to become something that would have been stifled and thwarted in their presence.  I may not be a person they want to know now, but I am a strong and positive person and am happy in my own skin.  I know that my purpose in life is not to please others, but to please myself and, in so doing, I bring more love and light into the world, and whoever it touches will benefit, just as I am blessed by the positivity and strength and love I feel from the people I attract these days.  Their light makes me stronger, and allows my light to burn ever more brightly, giving strength to others and so on it goes.  As I know I've postulated before, if we all spent even a few minutes a day exuding love, light and positive thoughts, we could change the world in a very short time!  Darkness and hate cannot survive in a world filled with love and light. 

During our conversation, one lady mentioned that she couldn't be in the presence of a negative person for very long.  My response was that negative people resonate at a different frequency from positive people, and that that frequency is uncomfortable at best for positive people.  Conversely, a positive person will make a negative person uncomfortable for the same reason.  It's almost as if we're singing the same song, but in a different and discordant key.  It is our nature as humans to want to be in harmony with our surroundings.  And those of us who hold to the positive thoughts as much as possible (face it, we all have our moments!) will be, achieve and acquire all that we envision, because as we think and believe, so shall it be! 

So right now, I am envisioning a productive but calm July while my Staff Accountant is in India, and I am envisioning a smooth and minimally invasive remodel, followed by an even better rate on my refinance than I was initially promised when I started down that path last month.  I am seeing Mathom and Neko reunited and a continued improvement to my health and wellness.  My body wants and needs to return to its natural state of good health and is proceeding along that path even as I type.  All things in my life will right themselves in time.

I am also envisioning my completed book sitting on the shelves of bookstores across the country.  I envision book tours and speaking tours in which I will achieve my heart's desire of helping others find their joy, in spite of, or maybe because of having lived through a traumatic event and come out on the other side, even greater than whole.  And I am envisioning continuing to write and publish books, both fiction and self-help, for the many years I have remaining in this human form, as this is my soul purpose. 

Last but not least, I'm envisioning many, many years of pursuing a passion that I've had most of my life, and that is to dance, to express myself and my joy as I "Sing like I don't need the money, love like I'll never get hurt and dance like nobody's watching because its gotta come from the heart if you want it to work". 

Love and light

June 28, 2011 Life is full of lessons

I'm looking at the date I just typed and realize that it is the anniversary of the day my parents were married, nearly 60 years ago.  Although neither of them is alive to commemorate the day, I feel like acknowledging it for them, in memoriam, so to speak, and more especially because of the less than appropriate acknowledgement they received yesterday in print at someone else's hand.  In fact, at the hand of a person who, admittedly, only met them once and could only remember my mother as a crisp white pantsuit with red hair, and who then threatened a libel suit to which I responded by deleting all names and even the most obscure facts by which somebody, somewhere might have identified someone in yesterday's post.  Frankly, a person like that isn't even worthy of being named in my blog. :)


Which brings me to today's topic.  Over the years, I have reconnected with friends and acquaintances with mixed results.  Sometimes it's ok, but fades quickly, sometimes, it starts out well, but ends with a mutual decision to close the door and in others, it is an amazing and wonderful experience to reconnect with someone who, after many years, has evolved into someone I'm very proud to know again, and to call "friend".   As I've been using Facebook to reconnect with relatives who faded away after my parents died, I have, once again, experienced mixed results, and with what I read yesterday, I am beginning to understand why.  It has become glaringly apparent that some of these relatives saw nothing wrong with sharing the gory details of my parents' demises with, at the very least, their children who either didn't know us at all, or knew us from a very great distance, across a dark, empty chasm.  How long they have pointed across that chasm at the family who must not be touched because of their taintedness, I won't even speculate.  I just find it incredibly sad that they chose to remember and share something they believed was ugly rather than to try to remember some of the positive qualities.  Granted, especially in the later years, it was easier to do so with my father than with my mother, but what happened to respecting the dead?  I recall one family gathering where a cousin turned around and snapped at me over a remark concerning my mom.  She made it clear that she felt that my mom was always comparing us to them and trying to "one up" them.  Frankly, I couldn't have cared less.  My cousins were popular and outwardly confident (ok, except maybe the one who snapped at me), and, in the end, have faced health issues (both mental and physical) in their lives which were as challenging and difficult. in fact, in some cases, even more so, than some of the challenges I've faced.  The difference is that I don't feel the need to drag any of it back up when I see someone who might have known them.  It's ancient history and they survived whatever it was.  That is what we celebrate.

At any rate, I realize that my relatives, at least on my mother's side, have already painted the picture of me which works for them, and who am I to destroy their artwork?  So in the interests of simplicity, I won't continue to pursue a relationship that, it seems, is uncomfortable for anyone.  I will, however, remain open should any of them want to remain in contact (with one notable exception, but then, there's no worry there!) but will focus my efforts on people and places who meet me without the judgment, the stigma and the false attributes I've experienced with family.   As with everything else in my life these days, I'm always open to being proven wrong about my perceptions.

More than anything else, here, I am grateful for the opportunity to learn another lesson which, in this case, showed me how very fortunate I am to have some incredible, amazing and, to my surprise and great joy, supportive people in my life.  I thank them all for reminding me what life in this particular human form is all about.

Love and light.

June 27, 2011 ***Warning*** Bitch Session ahead

Tonight I happened to click on a link to an article from my hoo ha, famous radio personality cousin.  To my surprise, the way she announced that my aunt had returned home suddenly and was no longer there to care for her 2 year old brat was to bring up, in detail, not only my mother's but my father's suicide as a demonstration of what a crazy family she comes from.  The truly sad part of it all is, as my aunt lived with my cousins in San Francisco, they barely knew my sister and me, much less, my parents.  This is, by the way, the same cousin whose wedding I wasn't invited to because nobody knew where to find me, despite the fact that I've lived in the same house for almost 30 years, and, until recently, I had the same phone number.  I also had the same email address which relatives who belatedly informed me of her marriage have been forwarding jokey little emails to for years.  This little ditty is going to seriously tax my forgiving efforts, but in the end, I will succeed.  It irritates me, right now, on two levels.  One, the suicides of my parents is not her story to tell, especially since she never knew them as people, as individuals who loved and fought and cared and did the best they could for their children.  People who had friends and jobs and made time to do things for people who were less fortunate than themselves, and who gave their daughters and their daughters friends many wonderful gifts over their abruptly ended lifetimes.  This person never knew this side of my parents, never attended family gatherings where we were present (although it appears that they didn't avoid ALL of the Southern Cal relatives, only their mother's sister and her family).  I guess I ran the first and second levels into one.  I see my cousin now as an insensitive, spoiled little girl who uses other people's pain to increase her ratings, and oh my gawd!  Now she's actually going to have to pay someone to raise her child for her while she dashes from radio show to interview to industry party to book promotion .  My book, when it comes out, may have even less circulation than hers, but I'll be proud of it because I won't use it to make fun of the lives of people I never knew.  I will be proud because I'm learning to get past the anger and other negative emotions I harbored for my parents to a place where I understand, accept and forgive them and me for mistakes made and insensitivities practiced while they were alive.  My aunt may not be the perfect mother, but she doesn't deserve to be slapped down in her daughter's very public forum because she decided not to continue to be a gopher and a drone; because she decided to go back to her own life and her own friends and her own home.  I just hope my cousin grows up and learns to love and forgive her own mother before it's too late.  It's a lot harder to do after they're gone. 

Just as my parents both chose suicide as a way to escape a situation which no longer suited their needs, their wants and their comfort, my aunt chose to go home because life as her daughter's nanny no longer suited her needs, her wants and her comfort.  I know that, over the years, I was less than kind to my mother, and I am learning to forgive myself because I reacted instead of trying to understand.  Will this girl ever learn to forgive herself and her mother for being the people they are and doing the best they can?  I hope so, for both their sakes, and the sake of her kid.

As for me, I'll be putting a lot of effort into forgiving my cousin for being an insensitive boob who thought nothing about airing the gorey details of my parents' deaths, complete with derogatory remarks, for all the world to see.    I have to see this whole affair as another of life's lessons, and one I will triumph over in the end.  Writing about my parents' deaths has not been easy so far, and I've gone through some emotional train wrecks with more to come.  It is only safe to assume that, at some point, I'll have my nose rubbed in some of the messier parts, just to make sure I've really worked through all of the issues when I come to the end of the tale.    So thank you, "cousin", for being the first to make light of something for which you really have no reason or right to comment.  What doesn't kill me, and hasn't killed me, has made me very, very strong indeed.

Love and light.

June 24, 2011 Pondering Bliss

As I was meditating at lunchtime today, I happened on the concept of achieving our bliss as we strive to live a life of joy (perhaps this tack was partially fueled by the Ambient music I found on Pandora which took me to a very peaceful place).  It occurs to me that like any other goal, there has to be something beyond the level of bliss we currently seek or we wouldn't have any more goals when we got there, and that just doesn't seem right!  So I started envisioning different levels of bliss instead of just the "reach for the stars" "go all the way" kind which, like any other goal we set for ourselves, would be well nigh impossible to achieve in one leap.  What if there were, indeed, a series of levels we could attain, though we can only see the one to which we're working right now, but once we're nearly there, we see that there's another level beyond the one we're working towards so that, like our other goals, we actually move the bar before we actually get there so that when we attain what I'll call "level 1 bliss", we have already set our next goal in motion, although surely we'll stop for a moment to congratulate ourselves for attaining a goal.  In this manner, we wouldn't get discouraged because it was so hard to achieve full and complete bliss, yet we'd continue have something to look forward to once we climbed the next step on the ladder.  From this viewpoint, I can see a veritable bliss continuum which might culminate at a  point far beyond anything Humanly imagineable.  It might also give us some insight into why our souls, our Spiritual selves, keep coming back into human, or maybe even animal form, continuing to learn, continuing to set ourselves new lessons over which to gain mastery.  Until we've mastered ALL of the lessons, we can only go so far on the bliss continuum, and for each set of lessons we learn, we go up another rung. 

This process could also be compared to our maturing process.  When we're young, we're easily impressed because we know so little.  But we're also easily frustrated because we know so little.  As we grow older and gain more knowledge and experience, our frustration may move outward as we get annoyed with others who don't seem to get it, or who are just rude, or who impede our progress.  As we continue to learn and grow, we learn something really amazing, called "patience".  With this patience we have come to understand that people learn at different rates and in different directions.  Some learn to be caring and compassionate, others to be creative, and still others, to simply lead.  Excelling in one area doesn't exclude the others, but it will certainly make someone less proficient in the areas outside of their area of expertise.  So many of us, in our earlier human years, are in a rush to reach our goals and we want it all now.  But the truth is, we really have no clue as to what "all" is.  We're looking at our immediate goals and can't see what's beyond them until we get closer.  And upon reaching a point where we can see beyond the initial goals, we realize that there is so much more that we can strive for.  Another mountain to climb, another cause to champion, another great work of art to create, another ill to heal.  And if we're truly going in the right direction for ourselves, each achievement gives us another level of joy, of Bliss.

Which of course prompts the question:  What happens when our Spiritual self achieves Ultimate Bliss?  Or, even more importantly, CAN our Spiritual self ever achieve Ultimate Bliss, or will there always be another mountain to climb?

Happy pondering.

Love and light.

June 23, 2011 Back to dancing tonight!

Tonight was my first night back on the dance floor, post Levaquin poisoning, and I did pretty well.  I stuck with line dancing and avoided one that was fast and had a lot of turns (though it hurt to have to sit and watch!) but I knew it would not be a good idea while I am babying the right knee while the tendon heals.  The chiropractor gave me some black radish pills which he said would help flush the toxins out of my intestines and organs so the Levaquin wouldn't continue to eat away at my tendon, or whatever it is that it does which is not good!  There is major improvement since last week, though.  I can actually crouch down and pick things up without screaming in pain, which, I'm sure, makes people in stores where I've been so clumsy about dropping everything from my glasses to bags of stuff knocked off shelves much less freaked out.  Nothing worse than hearing a grown woman shriek!  I am, however, very grateful that my healing didn't occur due to the drastic measures Michele experienced, but am convinced that the chemo probably flushed the toxins out of her system just as the black radish and the probiotics are doing for me in a kinder, more gentler manner.  Either way, that stuff is poison to our bodies and needs to be evacuated as quickly as possible!  It apparently settles in the bowels, intestines and other organs so even though we stop taking it, it's still secreting its poisonous effects into our unwitting systems.

Dinner last night with Heather, Mathom, Jenni, Serenity and Tony went fairly well.  Serah doesn't really know me so when Jenni left her with me to go fix a plate, there were tears until I gave her a small piece of bread and her milk.  Then I was ok, at least until Mommy came back!  Although Jenni was still very touchy and seemed to be trying to pick an argument at times, I have found my own peace and acceptance, and just let her get what she needed to out.  I may not agree 100% with how she's raising her child, but as I had to be harsh with my own mother about letting me make my own mistakes with my children, I realize that Jenni deserves the same right, and will only offer suggestions if she asks.  She even suggested meeting again at the park one weekend when we're both free.  Baby steps and short visits will be the name of the game for now.  That will give Serah a chance to get to know me in small doses, and limit the amount of time Jenni has to get irritated with me.  It's a win-win all the way around. 

So far, it looks like I'll have a semi-quiet Saturday when I hope to get some more writing done.  Sunday will have to be an adoption day.  I have a couple of errands to do on Saturday, but getting up at a decent hour will have those accomplished and still leave plenty of time to write.  I get on a nice roll when the house is quiet and I can just sit and let the words flow.

I had an interesting conversation with my new doctor yesterday.  He talked about the three causes of stress.  I'll try to paraphrase as I don't remember it exactly now.  But essentially, the one we can control comes from ourselves.  The other two are beyond our control, so we have to learn how to minimize how they affect us.  One is the culture we live in, and is especially strong if we've only experienced living in one country.  The other is, if memory serves, from our community: family, friends, acquaintances, neighbors.  He mentioned driving down the freeway and having someone cut you off.  Although it may annoy me momentarily, I've learned, and said so, that I just give them room as they're clearly in much more of a hurry than I am.  Of course, I also have the beautiful drive every morning through the hills with their trees, bushes and flowers.  On days like today when the fog settles into the valleys, I feel like I'm driving to Shangrila and all sorts of magical things await.  Most of all, even though my life is full and I have a lot going on, I've learned to slow down and enjoy the journey.  If I get someplace a few minutes later than intended, it's really no big deal any more.  The fact is, some days, I'm 10 minutes early, others, I'm 10 or 15 minutes late.  It all works out.

I reflect, each day upon the many opportunities I have to forgive, accept and be grateful.  My life is wonderfully full and I look forward, every day, to the new journeys that await me.  It all starts with a single step.

Love and light.

June 21, 2011 Happy Summer Solstice

Today is the longest day of the year, at least if you're living in the Northern Hemisphere.  For our Southern friends (and I mean a little further south than Arkansas or Louisiana), they'll be enjoying the shortest day of the year which is our pleasure on December 21st.   Of course, the more extreme regions of the earth don't see things the same way, but then, as is typical of any extreme, the point of view typically differs from the norm or average. 

In reviewing my experience with Bank of Internet and my attempt to refinance the house with cash out for my remodel, I am not only reminded that if something seems to good to be true, chances are it is, I realize that they are an organization which deals with extremes.  If your numbers are extremely good, they're your best pal in the world and will bend over backwards for you, but if you fail to measure up in one of their many categories, they pull out the old bait and switch to try to suck you in, and if you don't want to play the game by their skewed rules, you become extremely unworthy of their time.  Needless to say, after Plan D has been implemented and the remodel is complete, I will be extremely unlikely to call them again. :)  Fortunately, the lesson was learned with minimal harm and just a bit of inconvenience this time.  If nothing else, I've learned to set my limits and cut my losses when those limits can't be met, and in most cases, I still manage to get what I wanted in the first place! 

I believe that the ability to shake things off more easily and move forward is directly related to the amount of scar tissue acquired from life's many lessons.  Scar tissue means our wounds have healed fully, but it also serves to protect us from the extremes of the first wounds we acquire.  Maybe that's where the term "thick skinned" came from.  After being wounded several times, our skin thickens because scar tissue is a different consistency from our normal, soft and silky outer covering.  Callouses are the same way.  A part of us gets rubbed raw a few times, and pretty soon, we develop callouses to protect the softer inner layers.  Nothing but living life will allow us to create these protective layers.  Failing to allow scar tissue and callouses to form means that we don't allow the wounds we incur through the business of living the Human experience to heal, and without healing, we tend to focus on the pain rather than the lesson.  It also takes less to cause us harm when we walk around with open wounds, and pretty soon, we're unable to truly experience the joys and sorrows life has to offer.  What a shame so many people go through life as what we so often hear as "the walking wounded".  When thought of in terms of scars and healing, this concept becomes quite easy to visualize. 

In many ways, before I started writing about my parents' suicides, I was one of those walking wounded, but wasn't able to see past the pain and the walls I'd erected between myself and the world.  Not unlike others in similar situations, I saw myself as fine and fully functional.  Nothing could have been further from the truth!  And the proof was in my lack of connection with other people.  Yet it wasn't until I'd allowed some of the wounds to heal that I even realized how out of touch and disconnected I had been.  Erecting walls instead of scars does shield us from the pain, but at what cost? 

Even worse, how many lives did I fail to touch because I refused to allow the natural healing process to occur?  Granted, part of the lesson I needed to learn was certainly wrapped up in learning to allow myself to heal, and I'm sure I followed the process I needed to, but I am sorry that, in the process, I turned my back on the rest of humanity.  I only hope that in learning the lesson I will have the opportunity to give something back after all I have taken away.  I am grateful, though, the the light came on while I can still do something about it. 

In the last few months, I have become more and more aware of my lack of connection, the gaping hole in my life that used to be filled with friends and family.  In delving into the reasons for this hole, I realize that my own withdrawal is the root cause.  Yet it isn't entirely bad that I spent time in this vacuum like existence as, ultimately, it made me search within to find that I was holding myself back and clinging to things I no longer needed.  It's a lot like getting rid of physical clutter.  You have to pick each item up and determine whether or not it still has value for you.  If it doesn't, you have to let it go.  And just as I've let go of clothes and shoe, magazines and other items which were taking up space in my house, so, too have I let go of feelings and thoughts which no longer serve me, nor allow me to become the person I need to be.   I don't expect to ever reach a point where I have a life that's completely free of clutter, but I'm heading towards the place where my clutter will be more agreeable, more pleasing to the senses than that which I have gathered around me for the last 20 or 30 years.  And part of the "clutter" I look forward to embracing again is the warmth and connection of friends and family.

In Love and Light.

June 20, 2011 It's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's a BOOK!

Wow!  It's amazing what a few hours in a quiet house will do for me.  I wrote nearly 3000 words yesterday in about 4 hours, and a good part of that will, I believe, be the last chapter.  I can't control how it's coming out, and I have a feeling a bunch of what I've written will end up in the waste basket or, as they say in the biz, on the cutting room floor, but the words are coming out and the healing is happening, so it's all good.  I had a vision today of printing the whole thing out, then cutting out pieces and sticking them together in a different order until I got what I wanted.  Once it was organized, I'd go back in and cut and paste in the actual document.  That drafting table Les built in the room in the garage might just come in handy for this little effort.  My dining room table isn't nearly big enough to handle it all.  Although, I may be able to cut it all up, then sort it into piles of related material.  Yikes!  I think the editing is going to be tougher than the writing.  I know that I've gone back to topics I covered in previous writing binges, so I'm going to have to find a way to pull it together.  At the moment, it more closely resembles a bunch of rambling as I ponder things and have mini revelations.  Maybe I should call it "the book of Aha's"? :)    One thing is clear, however.  I need to start taking better advantage of the hours that Heather and Mathom are occupied elsewhere so I can get the initial writing done and move on to the editing and re-writing.  I have found, though, that doing some blogging before I hit the book, as it were, seems to open the floodgates for my creative juices.  I'm now at about 15,000 words.  I was thinking that I needed about 25,000 minimum, but I'm now wondering if I should keep going as I anticipate cutting so much. (although, what do I really know for sure?   All of the little tidbits I jotted down before I started writing have ended up in the book in one form or another, often without even referring back to them.  They just flowed right in!)  Also, I'm going to have to find a way to keep going while the remodel is taking place.  Maybe I'll find a cozy corner in a library somewhere and use my trusty laptop that saw such a tremendous start to this tome while I was in Sedona.  My patio will soon be nonexistent as the building starts, but there's so much packing up to do first.  And I still need to go through my closets and get rid of more stuff.  I know that, at some point, we're going to have to rent the pod and start moving stuff into it so we can make room for the work to be done, especially if Heather is ready to start tearing down the rest of the brick.  I do plan on doing some of the decluttering once the dumpster is in place, but I need to do a lot of it beforehand too.  We need to get things as clear as we can now so we won't be scrambling once they're ready to work on the existing part of the house.  I don't know how long it will take to frame and enclose the new part, but I don't want to hold anything up.  I think I'll have at least 30 days before they can start and that clock starts ticking after the plans are drawn, so there's time, but if I keep telling myself I have time, I'll put off all that I need to do and then it'll be the scramble I'm trying to prevent.

Just so many things going on right now, and it's going to get crazier before it gets calmer.  But I'm envisioning that extra room, and the improvements and getting very, very excited!  The kitchen alone is making me drool, and when I imagine my very own, private bathroom, I am positively salivating!  And then!!!  There's the closet space!!! Holy moly!  It'll be like a mansion when we're done as far as I'm concerned!  Although, to hear Heather talk, she and Mathom will be in their own place soon after the remodel is done.  Seems pretty silly to me when I'll have all of that extra room, but she's going to do what she wants regardless of what I think so I'm just going to let her talk until she does whatever she's going to do.  It will certainly be weird, having all that space for me and the kitties, but life has a way of making things interesting, regardless of the circumstances, so I'll just take it as it comes.  Maybe Toby will consider giving me back my spot on the bed!

And so the day comes quietly to an end.  Laundry is drying, trash is out, and in an hour or so, I'll lay my head down, hopefully without having to argue with Toby over who sleeps where!

Love and light.

June 19, 2011 The remodel saga continues

After a couple of weeks of having my patience tried to the breaking point by lenders, I've opted to stretch my resources for a couple of months, use my equity line and, if necessary, the credit cards, and just do this remodel first and refi the house afterwards.  At that point, the house will be worth quite a bit more, especially after upgrading the kitchen and the two existing bathrooms and adding a third.  (we women just love our kitchens and bathrooms, don't we?)  I've also decided to pass on using the fellow I spoke to over the last couple of weeks as he had gone past beginning to annoy me into full blown annoyance.  I was starting to smell major bait and switch and I won't tolerate that!  So I've given my contractor the go ahead.  I'll be meeting one of them at Home Depot or Lowe's to pick out cabinets and countertops and all of the other odds and ends I am currently oblivious to.  I'll probably have one of Home Depot's kitchen designers in to help me lay out the actual kitchen, and we need to talk to the architect to have plans drawn up for the actual build ups and knock downs.  Interestingly, I was having a dream last night about knocking the wall out between the two offices for the library.  I hope I'll be able to do that, but it may have to wait for a later date to actually make that part happen.  If so, I may hold off on laying floor in those two rooms until the rest is complete, although that might cause a lower appraisal.  Ahhh, the joys of homeownership and all of the things that go with it.  No wonder I've lived in my little hovel as it was for so long!  But I know I'm going to love having the extra space, the bigger kitchen, and most of all, a bathroom all to myself!  And Heather will love having the bigger room and more closet space, and a bathroom all to HERself, I'm certain! 

She's been a bit cranky for the last couple of days, and trying to attribute it to me, but I have a feeling it has something to do with seeing her friends having babies and starting lives of their own.  I wish she could just see that her dream is just as important for her to push towards, and that she has made a lot of progress in the last two years, even though it seems like it's still so far away.  She'll be done with Moorpark soon, the light at the end of the tunnel is visible.  I have a feeling that, because of her experiences at Moorpark, her days at CSUN will go far more quickly and with a lot less pain.  If nothing else, the classes are sure to be a lot more interesting than all of the basic stuff she's been struggling through.  And she will get to see a lot more of her options as well.  She's taken longer to come into her own than some of her friends, and I know it frustrates her.  But once she did, the result was amazing!  She's talented on so many levels now.  She can repair and build things around the house, is a walking encyclopedia on the biology of things, many of which I'd rather NOT know, makes beautiful jewelry, cooks and bakes the most amazing things (and that chemistry is coming in handy as she experiments with gluten free recipes for me), has strong computer skills which are helping in any job she undertakes, and on top of it all, is quite a talented photographer!  Maybe I just need to stand her in front of the mirror and have her remind herself that she's amazing! :) 

On the not-so-fun side, I'm still dealing with the after effects of the Levaquin the doctor gave me for the infection on my leg.  (if I wasn't allergic to everything else, I could have avoided this.  But my body knows that antibiotics really are an evil, albeit necessary once in awhile.)  At any rate, I'm trusting that I stopped taking them in time, and my leg seems to be confirming this as the pain in the tendon is no longer all the way up to my hip, having localized itself to just below my right knee, and has completely stopped in my left leg.  Of course, I haven't danced in over a week, but am trying to get up and move around as much as I can. 

The baby shower for Diane, Heather's best friend in the world, was marvelous!  The food was yummy and the company, though a small group, was fun and comfortable.  One friend brought her baby boy who was just the cutest little guy in the world, and who was amazingly good for being in the midst of a bunch of yakking, laughing women for several hours!  Diane's mom is very sweet, and I enjoyed meeting her.  And Amanda's mom (the baby boy's grandma) was an absolute hoot!  I look forward to seeing her again!  She's very down to earth, comfortable in her own skin, and extremely intelligent.  She comes out with one-liners that equal or better my own!  I haven't laughed so much in ages!  The party ran from about 2 or 2:30 until nearly 8, so, needless to say, I didn't end up going dancing.  But I couldn't just leave in the middle of all of the fun!  And her reaction as she watched Amanda pouring what she thought was wine into our crystal wine glasses was priceless!  (Heather had unearthed my champagne flutes and crystal in the process of cleaning up after the rat fiasco, and thought it would be fun to use them for sparkling cider.  OK, she also gave me hell for packing up my crystal and china and never using them too!)  It was actually very festive to drink cider from crystal!  I think I'll make a point of doing it more often.  I guess I'm going to have to make room in the china hutch after the remodel is done and start using the "good" dishes and glasses!  Thank goodness for kids who remind us of what's really important.

And on this Father's Day, I remember my dad and grandpa fondly and hope they come back soon so they can keep another family laughing and sharp witted like they did this one.

Love and light.

June 14, 2011 No writing today, but I did get some decorating done

So I ran over to Home Depot after work today to look at their kitchen layouts, counter top options and cabinet options.  And would you believe it!  I actually made my first decision!  I chose the wood for my cabinets!  I decided on Hickory as it has multi color grain and looks a little bit rustic, but a little bit clean as well.  I think a co-worker's description of "shabby chic" may well be the way I go with this.  I also decided against a mostly solid blue countertop and will opt for something with mostly a light color with some dark veining, I think.  And after comparing the resin based counters to the granite, I don't think there's enough difference in price to keep me from choosing the granite.  What I really like about it is the irregularities in the grain.  The quartz and resin ones are a little too symmetrical for my taste.  OK, so I guess I do have some taste when it comes to decorating, or at least I know what I like!  I do need to figure out where to put all of the appliances in the kitchen though, since I'll be losing the wall that the refrigerator sits on right now, although I'm adding several feet to one of the walls, so I'm sure it will work out just fine, and I'll gain cabinet space with the island as well.  I do need to decide whether I want to put the sink or the stove into the island though.  I've seen both and they both look interesting.  So many choices!  But I'm trying very hard to take this one at a time! 

Actually had a calm, business-like conversation with my least favorite PM today.  Seems they're going to give him more to do which might get him to stop being a pain in the butt because he'll be occupied.  What a marvelous concept! 

Lots coming up work-wise so I'll be busy too, and I let my staff know that I would approve no vacations while Priti is gone in July.  Heaven help me if, as we suspect, a couple of proposals hit during that time period, but we all do what we can. :)

And again, it's 11:11.

I didn't get any writing done again tonight, having gotten home late and hungry again.  Tomorrow, I need to meet Heather at Babies R Us to do some baby shower shopping.  She's working tomorrow night out in BFE again, and we're running out of time!  where does it all go!  And goodie goodie, I get to go talk to the doctor who clearly hasn't read the literature on Levoquin, Cipro or Avelox or she'd have taken me seriously when I told her I was having an adverse reaction.  Although 3 days off of the drug and my leg feels much better, though nowhere near back to normal yet!  But I've doubled my glucosamine with chondriton as well as the fish oil, so I'm hoping I'll have my body purring like a kitten or a well-tuned engine in no time!  Also, still off the sugar.  In fact, I had a dream last night that I put a piece of candy in my mouth, realized that it was sugar and promptly spit it out.  It's gotten into my subconscious now!  No going back! 

The power of positive thinking works in strange ways!

It will be interesting to see which decisions I manage to make over the next few weeks, and in which order!  I've seen several knobs I like so I'll have to narrow it down.

Love and light.

June 13, 2011 So vhat? Now its a decorator I am?

Tonight after cleaning cat cages and getting everything into the trash for tomorrow's pickup (the usual, sandboxes, trash compactor and waste basket routine accomplished while doing my best to avoid tripping over cats, unsuccessfully, I might add as Loki got her paw stepped on!) I pulled out a stack of old magazines to see if I could find any interesting kitchens.  What I ended up with was some knobs and a couple of hanging fixtures I kind of liked.   But I also found that Home Depot has a free design service, assuming you know the dimensions of your space, which, at the moment, I do not.  However, none of the layouts they showed were really for an open floor plan, so I may have to go back to Plan A.  But I can see right now that I could use some professional design help as there are just too many things to consider, and I want it to look nice, not stupid!  And the hickory looks really cool, but will it really fit the rest of the things I like?  Everything else seems to point to maple as I'm tired of oak and cherry is just too dark.  I really need a good feel for what my choices are and what the difference in price is from one to another.  (ahhh, it's 11:11 again.  How fitting!)  Then it comes down to what I want the cupboard doors to look like, and with everything I see being painted white, I'm getting frustrated.  Some of the ones I saw recommended painting the cabinets and walls the same color so they blend in and allow the open, living area to stand out.  I'm not sure that's for me.  Then I think, maybe I'll go with a southwest look, but I am not really that excited about a bunch of terra cotta.  I think I want blue countertops to offset my red appliances, but maybe green or even something more light and neutral would be better.  Maybe I'll go over to Home Depot and put a red appliance on the countertops of the mock kitchens they have and see what I think.  The hardest part is that I just don't visualize things well.  I need to actually see what it would look like.  Like, I think the round wooden knobs are cute, but would they work with what I'll ultimately select? 

Ah well.  I don't have to actually decide right now.  I just need to consider options.

Meanwhile, I called the doctor because the pain in my right leg has been pretty bad.  I told the receptionist that I believe it was attributable to the antibiotic.  She told me the doctor said that's not possible.  Clearly she doesn't read the documentation that is passed out with the prescription by the pharmacy.  At any rate, I stopped taking the Levaquin and my leg seems to be hurting slightly less, but the pain is definitely still there.  I also iced it again tonight, so that may be part of the reduced pain, but the real proof will be if I can get  to sleep tonight without going through a variety of positions and rooms to get there!  I can definitely see the frustration Michele and others have experienced in getting doctors to listen and read! 

Ultimately, this will all be resolved, I will be pain free and rash free and life will go on.  I will also get back to my writing on the book.  And all will be well.  Tonight was so hectic and I didn't even sit down to eat some dinner until almost 8:00. tomorrow, I can come straight home, I don't have to clean cages or do trash, and Heather won't be home until after 9.  Sounds like a perfect time to get some writing in if you ask me! 

But now, I have several kitties who are curious as to why I'm still sitting at the computer instead of curling up in bed paying attention to them.

Love and light.

June 12, 2011 Turns out choosing the contractor and lender are the EASY part!

So, I decided  on my contractor today, and then he hands me a bunch of brochures and catalogs and tells me that now I get to start choosing what I want things to look like.  Did I have any idea there would be so many choices?  And if I choose wrong, I have to live with it, like, forever!  Such pressure!  The only thing I've decided on is blue countertops for the kitchen.  But then there was this really pretty green.  Oh no!  And then there's the wood for the cabinets, and after the wood, it's the finish, and after the finish it's what I want the doors to look like!  Holy mackeral!  Do I really know what I'm getting into here???  And that doesn't even begin to address the bathrooms or, heaven forbid, the shelves in my walk in closet!  And what about knobs and fixtures and lighting and, and, and......  I think I'm going to need some guidance here!  Or maybe I'll just go to a home improvement store and look at some samples of kitchens and baths?  Or maybe...Ugh!!!  All this for a little more space!  Oy!  I'm so ferklempt!

Meanwhile, I'm working hard on kitty rescue and my own crew and work and getting rid of this infection which is finally starting to look better, but now the tendons in my legs are hurting, and I'm beginning to suspect the Levaquin, but I need to get rid of the infection rather than spending even an hour in the hospital, so here I sit between the proverbial rock and the hard place, and it's starting to interfere with my dancing which is NOT TO BE ALLOWED!!!  So I'm icing and doing squats and refusing to slow down in hopes that keeping the darn things lubricated and stretched will alleviate the pain and keep the symptoms at bay.  Fortunately, squats are getting easier, so that's a good thing, right?  Because Aleve is doing absolutely nothing for the pain and that's really not a good thing.  In the immortal words of Scarlet O'Hara, "Ah'll just think about this tomorrow. and Piffle!"

Kitties are doing well and we got a couple more adopted this weekend.  We have so many adorable babies that I don't see how anyone can resist.  Erik and Raoul, our orange tabby brothers, are just a riot as they wrestle with each other.  And 3 of the teenagers from the hoarder were there today.  The Maine Coon is a real talker and a sweetheart.  The lynx point siamese seems to be totally connected to the Turkish Van whose face and head he kept washing until he was all soggy.  And Max and Jackson have become little purrballs!  Won't be long before they find homes!


Heather is off to another late night shift in BF Egypt tonight.  This time, they're sending her to Rosamond!  In fact, they scheduled her there 3 times this week!  Don't they realize they'll be paying her for possibly 3 hours drive time each way??  That's a pretty penny for her but she has to wait for the next paycheck to get the money back for gas, and longer if the next one is this week!  Oh, well.  At least Mathom is going with her so he can drive back after she's worked all night!  I feel much better about that! 

Maybe tomorrow night I can actually get back to working on my book.  It's been since the long weekend and I really need to get back to it!  Even finding time to blog is getting tougher, but I am determined to keep this up!  And I'm determined to finish the first draft of my book very soon!  So a-writing I will go!

Love and light.

June 9, 2011 Actually passed on dancing tonight!

Will miracles never cease?  But the foot is still badly swollen and the rash seems to be creeping upwards so I wanted to put the leg up tonight.  But the good news is, it's not so itchy any more.  Of course, my foot gets all hot inside whenever I take the antibiotic, but I'm hoping that's just the meds killing all of the germies inside and the germies running around trying to escape the meds causing all of that internal heat.  Now, could we move that heat to my midsection to maybe kill some fat cells? 

So the kids talked me into going to dinner and a movie instead of just lolling around on the sofa, and, yes, I was able to put my foot up on the back of the chair in front of me, so elevation was accomplished.  We also found a Mongolian BBQ place we didn't know was there, that was very good.  I'll definitely go back!  And the new Pirates movie is worth seeing!  Many very funny lines and bits going on, and of course, the infamous Johnny Depp double entendres!  Too much fun!!!  I feel good for all of the laughter!

Now that things have calmed down a tad, I hope to get some work done on my book this weekend.  So far, I only have to go to Kohl's with Heather Saturday morning, get my hair done Saturday afternoon, go dancing Saturday night, meet with one of the contractors Sunday morning and help with adoptions on Sunday.  Hmmmm, when did I say I was going to write?  And let us not forget the Collin Raye concert tomorrow night!  Yikes!  I'm just going to have to make time and sit my butt down at the computer, because I know that if I just sit down with the manuscript on the screen in front of me, amazing things will burst forth!  A couple of hours mid-day on Saturday should be a good start!

The fact is, I really miss jotting things down, whether it's here, the book or Petfinders.  It's like when I was a kid and I'd even read cereal boxes just to read something!  Only now, it's writing!  I do need to set aside a weekend in the near future to get a good chunk of work done again!  I'll have to check my magic book to see if that's even possible!

But busy makes productive, so I should manage major productivity now!  Although, getting out in the yard, pulling weeds and getting my hands in the dirt really felt good this week too!  If it weren't for work, I'd have all kinds of time to write and garden and such!  Oh, wait!  I like to eat and there's this remodelling project I'm about to undertake!  Details, details!  But I know that when the time comes, it will all come together.  I'm laying the groundwork, and will just fit each piece of the puzzle in as it arises.  All will be even better than mere "well" before I'm finished!

Love and light.

June 7, 2011 Thank goodness I trust my intuition

This morning I woke up in the wee hours to Toby practicing his musicianship on the miniblinds again.  After repeated admonishments yielded unsatisfactory results, he found his furry self on the outside of the door.  Unfortunately, or maybe it was fortunately, I overslept because I kept hitting the snooze button in my sleep.  Upon arising I had time to ponder the fact that I had yet to make an appointment for my annual physical which led to pondering the highly unattractive rash I've been sporting on my right calf for the last 3 months or so.  Said rash has evolved into a badly swollen foot and calf and the inability to sleep or sit with pressure on my right side as it results in pain and numbness, neither of which are good things for feet or legs.  Of course, I've been googling the symptoms for awhile, but when the swelling started, the symptoms I googled were, frankly rather scary.  Thus, I decided that the smart thing to do was to stay home, wait for the doctors' offices to open and get my butt, or leg, as it were, in front of a professional.  And this is where the "trust your intuition" part comes in.  The doctor took one look at my leg and said "You have a really bad infection."  Now that would have been bad enough if she hadn't said "'We're going to try a very aggressive antibiotic and if that doesn't work, we'll have to put you in the hospital."  Of course, my first thought was for Dylan and how unhappy he is when I'm not there for him to snuggle with at night. 

Interestingly, he seems to get that this antibiotic (which scares me as it's a flox, but I'm allergic to about 95% of the antibiotic families on the market!) could be the only thing between me and him sleeping alone!  He's been smooshed up against me or on my desk all day long!  I swear, if he could cure what ails me all on his own, he would! 

Anyway, it seems that what was on my leg was an infection and when I scratched it, I must have broken the skin and those nasty little germies formed a conga line to my insides.  The good news is that it's still localized, but the bad news is that it's a hair's breadth away from conga-ing it's way all over my body!  So I will take that little white pill once a day but I'm also taking probiotics twice a day to counteract the ill affects of the little germ destroyers. 

So my advice today is, if you have a persistent rash on your body somewhere, don't wait around for it to heal itself.  Find out what the heck it is and get it cured!  Frankly, this ain't my idea of a good time, and I'm telling my body that it needs to find it's healthy self and STAY there!    And this concludes our paid commercial announcement for this evening.    We now return you to our regularly broadcast program.  (or is it just more insanity?) 

Oh, and the worst part is, I didn't get any more weeding done today, but Heather has made a huge dent in the cleaning of the house AND the cleaning up of the rat crap (and I do mean crap) that was in many of the boxes and such in the store room in our garage!  Not only that, she and Mathom are less than a dozen bricks from having the first part of the wall down!  I feel soooo useless!!!  But we all do what we can, and I'll get more done tomorrow as the doctor swears that I should see results almost immediately!  No wonder my shoe was fitting so tight! 

Ok, enough whining!  Mostly, my world is a wonderful place!  All of my clothes are clean, my kitchen and bathroom are also almost clean (and I didn't have to do those this week!) and the clutter in my house is slowly dissipating.  De-cluttering is so free-ing!  I can't even tell you how nice it is to be able to fit my clean clothes in my closets and drawers, or to walk into my den and not stumble over piles of books.  I was even able to put my hands on the documents I was looking for in the first place I looked today (which wasn't one of the places I looked the other night for some weird reason).  I knew I saw that file somewhere!  I just had to reset the memory card so I could remember where I saw it! 

Loan process is going along, and I keep getting updates telling me it's moving forward.  Still waiting for one of the estimates, before telling the first one to sharpen his pencil, but again, I have time as the loan won't close until July. 

Lots to do at work to keep me busy, and more to come if the word on the streets is to be believed.  Life is good!  Kitty's are good!  The website for the kitties is also good!  I love being part of a team or teams who are working together to make a difference.  We are then, all important, no matter what part we play.  If nothing else, I can do something which frees someone else up to do things they prefer or are better at or have the resources I don't, and that makes me very happy!  So if posting pictures and writing blurbs makes things easier on someone else, or allows them to do more, it's a wonderful thing! 

Ok, I think I've rambled on long enough, gone from drek to joy in the process, and am borderline gushing.  Until tomorrow.

Love and light.

June 6, 2011 One of those speedy planets must be direct right now!

Egad!  The crazy insane pace of last week continues into this one!  Trying to catch up from all of the things I had to push off and deal with this week's activities is rather mind boggling (not to mention a pain in my butt and other attached parts!).  I thought I'd have more time to deal with the weed situation tonight, but forgot I'd traded nights to clean cages.  It was just as well as I ran out of trash can space at about the same time I ran out of light.  But the can will be empty tomorrow night so I can work on filling it back up again! 

We're still waiting to coordinate Hailey's microchip, but I think Cinders discovered the newly unblocked cat door and has gone out to do a little scouting around.  Hailey has taken up the slack in the demanding cat department, however.  She meows loudly and pitifully from her temporary confinement and practically shoves her face through my hand when I reach in to give her skritches.  You'd think nobody had ever paid attention to these two, and I KNOW better! 

So, I guess I'm doing what I do best.  Juggling stuff, but I'm going to be up late tonight getting laundry done as Heather had a load in the washer which needed to be dried, and I didn't get it into the dryer until about 8:30, so here I sit, waiting for my second load to make it through the wash cycle so I can dry the whole lot.  Ah well, sleep is overrated, and heck!  I found the paperwork I needed so that's an added bonus! 

I have to take a moment to express gratitude for having so many amazing, talented, strong, intelligent, inspirational women in my life.  Every time I look around, I see more of them!  Their qualities inspire me to reach deep within myself to find the very best and brightest parts imaginable and polish them up until they shine ever brighter.  And not only are they all of these things, but they all know an incredible level of love both given and received.  It is so powerful that as I connect with these women and get to know them better, I can feel the strength of our combined knowledge, skills, joy and love becoming stronger and stronger until, at some point, this strength and love will simply overcome any and all obstacles which stand in the way of love and joy for everyone.  I feel like I'm on a roller coaster ride that will culminate at a huge international fair that will dwarf any world's fair ever known.  It will be as if everyone in the world suddenly sees the lightbulb come on and realizes their true and full potential to change things for the better.  And we will all recognize those who we need to join together with to fulfill our piece of the grand puzzle.  We will, essentially, recognize our connecting pieces and will reach out for that connection joyfully and gratefully. 

There have been many predictions of something I like to think of as a mass epiphany, when everyone suddenly realizes what really matters, and not only realizes, but acts upon it.  I feel like we're heading for that grand epiphany, and as each day passes, we pick up speed until we will all reach that spot in a blaze of fireworks!  We will recognize our true selves and will do everything in our power to allow those true selves to manifest as the best and brightest us we can be.  There will be no limit as to what can be accomplished, manifested, invented, created.  And best of all, there will be no reason or purpose for anger, greed, jealousy or fear.  Those who attempt to exert power over others will no longer find success, but will, instead, be laughed out of existence by the masses they used to control.  Everyone has a piece of the action, is part of the community, so there just isn't any way for one individual to seize power over others.  They won't have any supporters to help reinforce their claim, so they will fade into oblivion. 

I've filled myself so full of wonder and awe, envisioning this amazing new world that I have to stop here or just explode with it all.

Love and light.