With all of the time I'm spending trying to get 50,000 words down on computer before the end of the month, I've been sadly neglecting a lot of things: Blogs, Homework, Gym time...and I'm afraid it will continue until I get as far ahead of myself as I need to in order to feel like I'll actually make it. I'm currently at about 19,000 words, but I need 20,000 by tomorrow, so I still need to push it, and after a wonderful cranial-sacral therapy session tonight, and not getting home until after 8:00, the only writing I managed was during my lunch hour.
Needless to say, I'll be burning the midnight oil tomorrow night!
Meanwhile, I am already starting to feel the difference in the way my co-workers are treating me, at least a little. There's definitely some distancing going on, which is to be expected, but nevertheless, it feels weird. We all have our priorities, and mine is to try to make sure I pass on all of the information I can before I'm limited by the number of hours management decides they'll allot to my consulting skills. I thought I would find out today, but everyone received some communication except me, other than second hand. But it was the chance I took when giving extended notice, and I'm sure that everything will work out just fine in the long run. In truth, I have not been clear on the rationale for decisions for a long time, now, so I certainly don't need to be now! I just need to leave things as clean as possible for everyone.
The cranial-sacral session really was amazing. Some old stuff came into my brain after her question about being in a car accident. I had, apparently been holding onto some things which had happened after the accident, and concerned a former friend. During the session, I ran through the whole thing, then just sent forgiveness to the friend and some to me. She also found scar tissue from when the girls were born and did some clearing. Interesting that it's also in that same Sacral chakra area. It seems that not all of the blockage was from things I'd consider issues. She also said that they had hit me with the epidural more quickly than they should have due to circumstances: my blood pressure being elevated and the potential distress of the girls and the overcrowdedness of the maternity department due to the full moon, not the least of them. I recalled feeling like I couldn't swallow and starting to panic as the anasthetic came up too high on my body, probably because I'm ultra sensitive to drugs in general.
She also addressed that, saying that studies are starting to bring out evidence that "sensitives", especially when they're also intelligent women, tend to react badly to drugs rather frequently. Clearly, our energy bodies know the stuff is, essentially another form of poison. Guess I'll just have to stay healthy!
Her dog, Kaylie, joined us for the session. She's a beautiful German Shepard with a very sweet disposition. Apparently, she's used to play time as sessions don't usually run so late. It was fun to listen to her snuffling and stretching in the corner throughout the session and I made sure to apologize to her for delaying her play time!
All in all, I found the whole process very interesting, and am thinking about going back for another session. She does a follow-up call a couple of days after the session, so I'm guessing I'm going to keep noticing changes over the next couple of days. Stay tuned!
I could, of course, sit here typing about anything and everything all night, but it's already after midnight and I have a busy week ahead of me, so I'll just give you my gratitudes and sign off.
1. I am grateful for the continuing progress on my novel.
2. I am grateful for the opportunity to experience new healing techniques.
3. I am grateful for my ability to get things caught up in the next couple of days so I don't feel quite so slammed.
4. I am grateful for the successful completion of the first draft of my novel.
5. I am grateful for the publication of my first novel.
Love and light.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Saturday, November 9, 2013
November 9, 2013 Moving on
Yesterday, I officially gave notice of my intention to leave my place of employment four weeks hence. I then made a point of speaking to most of my co-workers to let them know (I'd already spoken to a couple of them ahead of time) so we could make sure everything was in order for the time when I would no longer be there to support them as I have for the last 5 1/2 years.
I was extremely humbled by the looks of shock and words of dismay from each one, as, like most of us, I probably don't see myself as being as important to the process as others might.
But I was further gratified when my boss asked if I would be willing to perform some of my current functions on a contract basis, and that his intention was to reallocated work loads rather than find someone to fill my position. Now, I know part of it is that he's downsizing due to decreases in the business, but I have to believe that another part is that I've learned so much and taken on a great many tasks which would require a lot of time (far more than the four weeks' notice I gave him) to train someone to anywhere close to my current level of expertise in many areas, accounting being just one of them.
I don't know right now how many hours a month I will see from them, but it simplifies things for me because it means I can spend a little less time looking for accounting clients and thus, more time writing! I see that as a win-win for all concerned. I know that, if and when the large proposal they've been awaiting for two years now, finally materializes, they will require a good deal more of my time than what I'll want to be doing on a regular basis, but in the long run, that will be even better for me as a large chunk of time for a short duration will, again, leave me a lot more time to write afterwards.
As I don't anticipate seeing the proposal until March or April at this point, it gives me time to finish at least one book if not two and get a good start on the process of getting them published. As I am currently not sure how long that process takes, I can't say whether something will be in print before I enter the black hole of the proposal zone, but there is certainly a possibility that the publishing could happen before I have less time to write for that short moment in time.
Although I had convinced myself that everything would work out better than I anticipated, the Universe is blessing me with far more than I believed I had a right to expect. Certainly, I believe that I will be able to leave my reserves intact, and certainly, I see all of my bills paid off by mid-2014, but seeing the things being put in place to actually make that happen is nothing short of amazing!
I find myself feeling so much gratitude for my boss, who gave me so many opportunities to learn and grow, to my co-workers, who, despite some rough patches over the years, really make me feel appreciated and valued, and to some of them who have become friends as well. All have contributed to making my life fuller and for teaching me valuable lessons. Of all of the places I've worked over the years, this is the only one where I've experienced, not only professional, but personal growth. This is the only one where the contacts I've made, both outside and inside the company, will stay with me as I turn away to follow the path which has been waiting for me for a very long time!
My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful for the people who taught me so many lessons, sometimes in spite of myself.
2. I am grateful that things are working out far better than I could ever have imagined.
3. I am grateful for those who continue to kick me in the pants.
4. I am grateful for the new people who are being placed in my path.
5. I am grateful for a weekend to get things done and write, write, write!
Love and light
I was extremely humbled by the looks of shock and words of dismay from each one, as, like most of us, I probably don't see myself as being as important to the process as others might.
But I was further gratified when my boss asked if I would be willing to perform some of my current functions on a contract basis, and that his intention was to reallocated work loads rather than find someone to fill my position. Now, I know part of it is that he's downsizing due to decreases in the business, but I have to believe that another part is that I've learned so much and taken on a great many tasks which would require a lot of time (far more than the four weeks' notice I gave him) to train someone to anywhere close to my current level of expertise in many areas, accounting being just one of them.
I don't know right now how many hours a month I will see from them, but it simplifies things for me because it means I can spend a little less time looking for accounting clients and thus, more time writing! I see that as a win-win for all concerned. I know that, if and when the large proposal they've been awaiting for two years now, finally materializes, they will require a good deal more of my time than what I'll want to be doing on a regular basis, but in the long run, that will be even better for me as a large chunk of time for a short duration will, again, leave me a lot more time to write afterwards.
As I don't anticipate seeing the proposal until March or April at this point, it gives me time to finish at least one book if not two and get a good start on the process of getting them published. As I am currently not sure how long that process takes, I can't say whether something will be in print before I enter the black hole of the proposal zone, but there is certainly a possibility that the publishing could happen before I have less time to write for that short moment in time.
Although I had convinced myself that everything would work out better than I anticipated, the Universe is blessing me with far more than I believed I had a right to expect. Certainly, I believe that I will be able to leave my reserves intact, and certainly, I see all of my bills paid off by mid-2014, but seeing the things being put in place to actually make that happen is nothing short of amazing!
I find myself feeling so much gratitude for my boss, who gave me so many opportunities to learn and grow, to my co-workers, who, despite some rough patches over the years, really make me feel appreciated and valued, and to some of them who have become friends as well. All have contributed to making my life fuller and for teaching me valuable lessons. Of all of the places I've worked over the years, this is the only one where I've experienced, not only professional, but personal growth. This is the only one where the contacts I've made, both outside and inside the company, will stay with me as I turn away to follow the path which has been waiting for me for a very long time!
My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful for the people who taught me so many lessons, sometimes in spite of myself.
2. I am grateful that things are working out far better than I could ever have imagined.
3. I am grateful for those who continue to kick me in the pants.
4. I am grateful for the new people who are being placed in my path.
5. I am grateful for a weekend to get things done and write, write, write!
Love and light
Friday, November 8, 2013
November 7, 2013 Is there a Twilight Zone where writers dwell?
My life is becoming very surreal. I work, I eat, I sleep and I write. Every day. And longer every day. I started out with about an hour and a half a day. I'm now up to at least 2 hours a day. I exceed my minimum word count. Every day. I keep pushing myself to write more words. I've left behind the time when 600 hundred words was a good evening of writing. Even 1500 seems rather paltry by today's standards. Only the need for sleep made me wind things up at 2000 words tonight, and that was before posting in my two blogs. So really, when all is said and done, I'll have penned closer to the 3000 mark.
It's scary, really. The more I write, the more I want to write. I just hope I don't turn into one of those cranky writers who gets ugly when someone or something takes her away from her craft. Even Dylan is learning that messing with Mom's mouse is decidedly uncool!
It's as if I want to finish the first 50,000 words and get started on the next 50,000. I'm beginning to understand how authors like Nora Roberts and Mercedes Lackey can be so prolific. Writing is like a drug. You get some and you want more. Pretty soon, more isn't enough and you need to double or even triple the dose.
Yes, I can see me turning into that bleary-eyed person who has consumed too much caffeine along with gallons of water in hopes of quieting the growling in her stomach for just another hour while she gets some more words down on...well, screen.
Who knew I had this many words to spill out? I feel like the picture of the Jack-o-lantern barfing up pumpkin guts, though in my case, it's words.
And now, I'm counting the days. 4 more weeks. In 4 more weeks, I will truly be living my dream, and, like the novel I'm currently writing, I don't know where I'm going or how I'm going to get there. I only know that I'm hopping the train and riding it for as long as I can. Life has been dull and predictable for far too long. I'm ready for exciting, unpredictable and freaking uncomfortable!!!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for how encouragement and support continue to grow along with my enthusiasm.
2. I am grateful for my friends and family who, never once, suggested that I've lost my mind.
3. I am grateful for a wonderful, creative, delicious writing career.,
4. I am grateful for being able to live the life I've always dreamed about and for the courage to actually make it happen.
5. I am grateful for simple tastes and the resources to indulge them.
Love and light.
It's scary, really. The more I write, the more I want to write. I just hope I don't turn into one of those cranky writers who gets ugly when someone or something takes her away from her craft. Even Dylan is learning that messing with Mom's mouse is decidedly uncool!
It's as if I want to finish the first 50,000 words and get started on the next 50,000. I'm beginning to understand how authors like Nora Roberts and Mercedes Lackey can be so prolific. Writing is like a drug. You get some and you want more. Pretty soon, more isn't enough and you need to double or even triple the dose.
Yes, I can see me turning into that bleary-eyed person who has consumed too much caffeine along with gallons of water in hopes of quieting the growling in her stomach for just another hour while she gets some more words down on...well, screen.
Who knew I had this many words to spill out? I feel like the picture of the Jack-o-lantern barfing up pumpkin guts, though in my case, it's words.
And now, I'm counting the days. 4 more weeks. In 4 more weeks, I will truly be living my dream, and, like the novel I'm currently writing, I don't know where I'm going or how I'm going to get there. I only know that I'm hopping the train and riding it for as long as I can. Life has been dull and predictable for far too long. I'm ready for exciting, unpredictable and freaking uncomfortable!!!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for how encouragement and support continue to grow along with my enthusiasm.
2. I am grateful for my friends and family who, never once, suggested that I've lost my mind.
3. I am grateful for a wonderful, creative, delicious writing career.,
4. I am grateful for being able to live the life I've always dreamed about and for the courage to actually make it happen.
5. I am grateful for simple tastes and the resources to indulge them.
Love and light.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
November 6, 2013 Rocking my world!
So here it is, the 6th of November. I've increased my task list to include:
1. Full time job
2. Writing a 50,000 word novel in a month.
3. Keeping up two blogs.
4. Doing everything I can to keep my family of felines healthy.
5. Regular gym visits.
6. Dancing at least twice a week.
7. Ascension Resonance Therapy Training
8. Keeping my house from becoming a toxic waste site, including regular removal of kitty hork (which I was fortunate enough to find with my bare foot two mornings out of three this week!)
9. Monthly healing sessions including my regular massage and one other session.
10. Participation in at least one writer's group and attending some of their events.
This is only a partial list because it doesn't take into account things like my reunion weekend, a Celebration of Life for a recently departed acquaintance and all of the other miscellany like grocery shopping and meal preparation which one must do to sustain one's body, and of course, spending time with my daughter and son-in-law.
The crazy part of it all is that since adding several items to my list, I am suddenly finding myself leaping out of bed with great enthusiasm to get started on the new day! No more am I swatting the alarm, thinking "just one more time!" or locking Toby out so I can sleep for a few more minutes before serving His Lordship breakfast!
Not only that, I'm coming home from my day job still full of energy, eating a quick dinner, taking care of a few things, and sitting down to write, like clockwork at 9:00 PM and continuing to do so until about 11:00 every night! Only after my writing session and my word count update on NaNoWriMo do my blog updates get done!
Granted, when I finally hit the bed between 12:00 and 1:30, contacts safely stowed and teeth freshly brushed, I am falling asleep in what seems like seconds, sans any tossing and turning at all! I'm getting up, maybe twice a night to answer nature's call, instead of my usual three or four times. And I'm waking up more rested than I ever have, despite averaging 5 1/2 to 6 hours of sleep a night!
I'm also experiencing a sudden change in eating habits. I'm eating very little meat, and when I do, it's only chicken or fish. What's even more frightening is that I've lost my taste for *GASP* chocolate!
The question at the forefront of my mind is: "What is causing this enormous shift?"
I'm certainly not making a conscious effort to change my eating and sleeping habits. Not that I mind the changes!
I've also discovered that I really am loving life, no matter what it might toss my way. I'm feeling the bliss in the very air I breathe, the life around me, the food I eat and everyone whose lives touch mine. I'm seeing the beauty in everything, without even trying!
Even the wind that was howling outside my door this morning, while, at first, a little irritating, soon showed how beautifully it cleared all of the crud out of the air!
I would have to sum this up by saying "I've traded being stressed out for being blissed out!"
And speaking of being blissed out, I caught up!!! I was about 1,000 words behind and by starting earlier tonight, and just letting the words flow, I caught up!!! 2700+ words in less than 2 hours! OK, Universe! You heard me! I want the words to pour out of me like this all the time! You know I can type fast enough to keep up!!!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my nagging, PITA daughter who talks me into some crazy challenges.
2. I am grateful for the flow of words that added so much to my novel tonight.
3. I am grateful for my wonderful, crazy friends who offer both encouragement and distraction when I need it.
4. I am grateful for dance nights which, though they'll cause a tilt in my writing time, are just as important in keeping the creative juices flowing!
5. I am grateful for all of the bliss I'm feeling and the positive changes I'm making without even trying.
Love and light.
1. Full time job
2. Writing a 50,000 word novel in a month.
3. Keeping up two blogs.
4. Doing everything I can to keep my family of felines healthy.
5. Regular gym visits.
6. Dancing at least twice a week.
7. Ascension Resonance Therapy Training
8. Keeping my house from becoming a toxic waste site, including regular removal of kitty hork (which I was fortunate enough to find with my bare foot two mornings out of three this week!)
9. Monthly healing sessions including my regular massage and one other session.
10. Participation in at least one writer's group and attending some of their events.
This is only a partial list because it doesn't take into account things like my reunion weekend, a Celebration of Life for a recently departed acquaintance and all of the other miscellany like grocery shopping and meal preparation which one must do to sustain one's body, and of course, spending time with my daughter and son-in-law.
The crazy part of it all is that since adding several items to my list, I am suddenly finding myself leaping out of bed with great enthusiasm to get started on the new day! No more am I swatting the alarm, thinking "just one more time!" or locking Toby out so I can sleep for a few more minutes before serving His Lordship breakfast!
Not only that, I'm coming home from my day job still full of energy, eating a quick dinner, taking care of a few things, and sitting down to write, like clockwork at 9:00 PM and continuing to do so until about 11:00 every night! Only after my writing session and my word count update on NaNoWriMo do my blog updates get done!
Granted, when I finally hit the bed between 12:00 and 1:30, contacts safely stowed and teeth freshly brushed, I am falling asleep in what seems like seconds, sans any tossing and turning at all! I'm getting up, maybe twice a night to answer nature's call, instead of my usual three or four times. And I'm waking up more rested than I ever have, despite averaging 5 1/2 to 6 hours of sleep a night!
I'm also experiencing a sudden change in eating habits. I'm eating very little meat, and when I do, it's only chicken or fish. What's even more frightening is that I've lost my taste for *GASP* chocolate!
The question at the forefront of my mind is: "What is causing this enormous shift?"
I'm certainly not making a conscious effort to change my eating and sleeping habits. Not that I mind the changes!
I've also discovered that I really am loving life, no matter what it might toss my way. I'm feeling the bliss in the very air I breathe, the life around me, the food I eat and everyone whose lives touch mine. I'm seeing the beauty in everything, without even trying!
Even the wind that was howling outside my door this morning, while, at first, a little irritating, soon showed how beautifully it cleared all of the crud out of the air!
I would have to sum this up by saying "I've traded being stressed out for being blissed out!"
And speaking of being blissed out, I caught up!!! I was about 1,000 words behind and by starting earlier tonight, and just letting the words flow, I caught up!!! 2700+ words in less than 2 hours! OK, Universe! You heard me! I want the words to pour out of me like this all the time! You know I can type fast enough to keep up!!!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my nagging, PITA daughter who talks me into some crazy challenges.
2. I am grateful for the flow of words that added so much to my novel tonight.
3. I am grateful for my wonderful, crazy friends who offer both encouragement and distraction when I need it.
4. I am grateful for dance nights which, though they'll cause a tilt in my writing time, are just as important in keeping the creative juices flowing!
5. I am grateful for all of the bliss I'm feeling and the positive changes I'm making without even trying.
Love and light.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
November 5, 2013 TV is becoming a thing of my past
What with meetings and telecons and writing and such, I'm finding myself spending less and less time on the sofa in front of the TV. In fact, I'm down to a single show before I go rattle my muse's cage.
Admittedly, my blogs are going to continue to suffer until this project is completed, because my writing efforts are going into the novel. However, there is one thing I can do here that I can't do in my novel, and that is to wander through the land of topics, never sticking to one for very long! Here, I follow no rules, but simply let my mind (and fingers) wander where they will.
Tonight, however, I have drained my own battery and where they want to wander has a lot to do with a soft bed, a warm comforter and as many kitties as choose to share the experience.
On the bright side, I'm getting up on time again, now that the sun, albeit temporarily, is streaming in my window well before it's time for me to get up. I'll enjoy it as long as I can, before having to depend on the alarm clock to keep me from sleeping the day away! (that or my joints which have come to protest if I try to remain supine for too many hours!)
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the continued encouragement and support I'm getting from so many directions!
2. I am grateful for a busy week at work.
3. I am grateful for all of the words which are spilling from my fingers in support of my many projects.
4. I am grateful for leaps of faith, no matter where they might take me.
5. I am grateful for being closer to my goal.
Love and light.
Admittedly, my blogs are going to continue to suffer until this project is completed, because my writing efforts are going into the novel. However, there is one thing I can do here that I can't do in my novel, and that is to wander through the land of topics, never sticking to one for very long! Here, I follow no rules, but simply let my mind (and fingers) wander where they will.
Tonight, however, I have drained my own battery and where they want to wander has a lot to do with a soft bed, a warm comforter and as many kitties as choose to share the experience.
On the bright side, I'm getting up on time again, now that the sun, albeit temporarily, is streaming in my window well before it's time for me to get up. I'll enjoy it as long as I can, before having to depend on the alarm clock to keep me from sleeping the day away! (that or my joints which have come to protest if I try to remain supine for too many hours!)
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the continued encouragement and support I'm getting from so many directions!
2. I am grateful for a busy week at work.
3. I am grateful for all of the words which are spilling from my fingers in support of my many projects.
4. I am grateful for leaps of faith, no matter where they might take me.
5. I am grateful for being closer to my goal.
Love and light.
Monday, November 4, 2013
November 4, 2013 Trying to meet the challenge
My writing challenge efforts are really a struggle right now. After getting off to a late start, I'm struggling to meet the daily word count right now, and what I am writing, I fear, will end up on the cutting room floor when all is said and done. But instead of berating myself for what I'm not accomplishing, I will continue to offer myself encouragement for what I am accomplishing.
OK, so I didn't hit the 6600 mark I should have at least hit today. But given that I started a day late and am only about 1000 words short, I'd say I'm still ahead of the game! Just like when I write in my blog, some days, the words flow easier than others.
This was a productive day in other ways, though. I got the rest of the month end reports completed for work today, then got my grocery shopping done, a chili relleno casserole and my egg bake made for meals for the week, the dishwasher unloaded and the trash will be out soon. All in all, even with "only" 1597 words added to my novel today, I am feeling pretty good about my progress.
As I see it, this may or may not be something I'll want to publish, but the discipline I'm learning, to write something that isn't just a bunch of brain dumping or mind exercises, but an actual, ongoing story, is excellent practice. I've gotten too comfortable in my world of writing whatever comes into my head, just to write, and now I need to work on actually writing for a purpose, with a means to an end in sight.
Although I don't have a lot to say tonight, maybe because I'm just all worded out, I am extremely grateful on many levels.
I have wonderful support from my daughter and son-in-law who are already starting to get into the holiday silliness. I have an amazing future ahead of me, which wouldn't be possible were it not for the past I've lived through and learned through.
I had a wonderful weekend reconnecting with my high school classmates, and getting to know some I didn't know that well as kids. Not to mention meeting some truly delightful spouses of classmates! I feel like I've, once again, broadened my social network, adding more people who will truly enhance my world!
I look in the mirror and no longer see flaws, but instead, I see someone I dearly love! For her, I'm willing to take on nearly anything, slay a few dragons (figurative ones, anyway), climb a few mountains, conquer my fears and never give up!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I can now look in the mirror see only the beauty within. I have become, if not blind, at least near sighted about the flaws without.
2. I am grateful for all of my classmates who made this weekend such a wonderful experience.
3. I am grateful for my daughter and son-in-law who continue to make things easier for me when it comes to my special needs kitty.
4. I am grateful for the growing joy as the holiday season approaches, the whispers begin, and the silliness is magnified. Our holidays may not follow tradition, but we have a great deal of fun!
5. I am grateful for the way things are already beginning to fall into place.
Love and light.
OK, so I didn't hit the 6600 mark I should have at least hit today. But given that I started a day late and am only about 1000 words short, I'd say I'm still ahead of the game! Just like when I write in my blog, some days, the words flow easier than others.
This was a productive day in other ways, though. I got the rest of the month end reports completed for work today, then got my grocery shopping done, a chili relleno casserole and my egg bake made for meals for the week, the dishwasher unloaded and the trash will be out soon. All in all, even with "only" 1597 words added to my novel today, I am feeling pretty good about my progress.
As I see it, this may or may not be something I'll want to publish, but the discipline I'm learning, to write something that isn't just a bunch of brain dumping or mind exercises, but an actual, ongoing story, is excellent practice. I've gotten too comfortable in my world of writing whatever comes into my head, just to write, and now I need to work on actually writing for a purpose, with a means to an end in sight.
Although I don't have a lot to say tonight, maybe because I'm just all worded out, I am extremely grateful on many levels.
I have wonderful support from my daughter and son-in-law who are already starting to get into the holiday silliness. I have an amazing future ahead of me, which wouldn't be possible were it not for the past I've lived through and learned through.
I had a wonderful weekend reconnecting with my high school classmates, and getting to know some I didn't know that well as kids. Not to mention meeting some truly delightful spouses of classmates! I feel like I've, once again, broadened my social network, adding more people who will truly enhance my world!
I look in the mirror and no longer see flaws, but instead, I see someone I dearly love! For her, I'm willing to take on nearly anything, slay a few dragons (figurative ones, anyway), climb a few mountains, conquer my fears and never give up!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I can now look in the mirror see only the beauty within. I have become, if not blind, at least near sighted about the flaws without.
2. I am grateful for all of my classmates who made this weekend such a wonderful experience.
3. I am grateful for my daughter and son-in-law who continue to make things easier for me when it comes to my special needs kitty.
4. I am grateful for the growing joy as the holiday season approaches, the whispers begin, and the silliness is magnified. Our holidays may not follow tradition, but we have a great deal of fun!
5. I am grateful for the way things are already beginning to fall into place.
Love and light.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
November 3, 2013 Energy drain
Today I went to China Town with the kids, with a brief stop at a shop they wanted to pick a couple of things up from. Both me and my daughter's friend couldn't wait to get out of the shop as we both felt a rather dark energy in there. Though they insisted it was only today, I just had a strange feeling in the place, like there was a complete lack of authenticity in the products they were selling, and it made me very uncomfortable. When we arrived in China Town and headed for our favorite restaurant, everyone was feeling a little overwhelmed so I extended my seal to encompass the whole table. From that point on, we all felt better, and I was feeling a sense of calm, even as we wandered through the bazaar.
What was rather unusual, though, was how weary I became from just walking around. My daughter looked at me and said "you're really tired, aren't you, Mom?" and she was right. Apparently, my weariness was coming off of me pretty strongly.
We went into one more store and then headed back to the car to come home. Suddenly my daughter started complaining of a squiggly line in front of her eyes and I knew, instantly, that it was the beginning of the classic migraines I'm prone to. As hers are typically the "ready or not, here's the screaming headache" variety, she didn't realize it was what I refer to as my early warning system.
I told her to turn the air conditioning way down and let it blow on her wrists, so she was able to drive home and didn't get such an intense headache, I also spent some time working on calming the blood vessels in her head and easing the tension in her neck, especially when I started feeling that tension in my own neck.
All of this may well account for my exhaustion. I got home and fell asleep on the couch for about an hour with the cats, and decided I would just grab what I have in the house for my meals tomorrow and hit Trader Joe's tomorrow night. I proceeded to have a quiet evening, watching tv and cuddling with the cats (always a rejuvenating experience!)
I did get another 1200 words or so written on my 50,000 word challenge book, though I'm still a little behind as I started a day late. I suspect I'll catch up as the week unfolds, and probably begin to exceed where I need to be, but it was really all I could do to get the 1200 out that I did today. I'm very pleased with myself, though, that as tough as it was, I did get something out and am currently at about 4,000 of the 50,000 I will need by month end.
I'm surprised I was able to come up with as much as I have for this blog post, but am about ready to take out the contacts and assume a horizontal positions in a bed that's been pre-warmed by my furry children.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for a fun and eventful weekend.
2. I am grateful that I could add at least something to my project.
3. I am grateful for continued love, support and encouragement.
4. I am grateful for continued signs that I'm finally on my true path.
5. I am grateful for the week ahead in which to accomplish a lot of things.
Love and light!
What was rather unusual, though, was how weary I became from just walking around. My daughter looked at me and said "you're really tired, aren't you, Mom?" and she was right. Apparently, my weariness was coming off of me pretty strongly.
We went into one more store and then headed back to the car to come home. Suddenly my daughter started complaining of a squiggly line in front of her eyes and I knew, instantly, that it was the beginning of the classic migraines I'm prone to. As hers are typically the "ready or not, here's the screaming headache" variety, she didn't realize it was what I refer to as my early warning system.
I told her to turn the air conditioning way down and let it blow on her wrists, so she was able to drive home and didn't get such an intense headache, I also spent some time working on calming the blood vessels in her head and easing the tension in her neck, especially when I started feeling that tension in my own neck.
All of this may well account for my exhaustion. I got home and fell asleep on the couch for about an hour with the cats, and decided I would just grab what I have in the house for my meals tomorrow and hit Trader Joe's tomorrow night. I proceeded to have a quiet evening, watching tv and cuddling with the cats (always a rejuvenating experience!)
I did get another 1200 words or so written on my 50,000 word challenge book, though I'm still a little behind as I started a day late. I suspect I'll catch up as the week unfolds, and probably begin to exceed where I need to be, but it was really all I could do to get the 1200 out that I did today. I'm very pleased with myself, though, that as tough as it was, I did get something out and am currently at about 4,000 of the 50,000 I will need by month end.
I'm surprised I was able to come up with as much as I have for this blog post, but am about ready to take out the contacts and assume a horizontal positions in a bed that's been pre-warmed by my furry children.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for a fun and eventful weekend.
2. I am grateful that I could add at least something to my project.
3. I am grateful for continued love, support and encouragement.
4. I am grateful for continued signs that I'm finally on my true path.
5. I am grateful for the week ahead in which to accomplish a lot of things.
Love and light!
November 2, 2013 Am I distracted?
Good lord, what a loaded question (as I backspace over "October" for the second time in two days!).
I got up this morning, maybe 45 minutes later than I'd intended, but kitty cuddles in the morning are so hard to resist! I thanked Dylan for his lovely purrs on my head when I woke up with a stiff neck and aching back because by the time I got up, most of the stiffness was gone, thanks to cat therapy!
But I digress. I got up and put my gym clothes on, fully intending to do a workout before the day got crazy, yet here I sit, at almost 11:00, still half dressed after having gone in about 7 different directions over breakfast and my first cup of coffee.
So far, I've browsed websites for a Kitchenaid double oven stove (which I don't exactly need as the stove I have isn't that old!), found a great deal on one which I've added to my cart, though have not fully committed to ($1600 is still a lot of money for someone in my position to pay for something she doesn't exactly NEED but would really LIKE to have, especially with Thanksgiving coming up!) My darling daughter of "failure-to-try-to-talk-me-out-of-adopting-Dylan-man-fame" was egging me on while half-heartedly mentioning that we no longer cook the turkey in the oven since we discovered how moist it comes out and how quickly it cooks in the electric dutch oven. I noticed she didn't throw in something about how she could really use my double oven for her baking, should I decide to invest in said appliance.
After vacillating over the non-essential luxury purchase for awhile, I turned my attention to a suggestion I received from a friend at last night's pre-reunion gathering, and sought out writers' groups in my area via Meetup. I joined one and applied to join another, though their current events are on weekends I can't make right now. I want to have options over the next few weeks, and, ultimately, make a commitment to a regular group or two as part of my process.
So here I sit, trying to decide whether to go to the gym or just put in a Zumba dvd or two instead, knowing that I need to call a friend in an hour or so about helping me put together something creative for the reunion, then work out a time with my daughter to help me do something with the rat's nest I fondly refer to as my hair (but at least the grey is temporarily gone and the color is brighter for a little help from a bottle.
Then my daughter calls again, and another half hour passes with little or no activity. <sigh>
As if I didn't already have enough distractions going, my darling daughter again asks if I've checked out the 50,000 words in a month writing challenge. So what does the woman who was going to get in a workout this morning before getting all dolled up for her reunion do? As if there's really any question?
So, after signing up for the challenge and writing about 2700 words of a story that wasn't even a germ of an idea at 11:00 this morning, before forcing myself to stop and get ready for the reunion.
As was suggested not to subtly by my ART class, I responded with "writer" when asked by my classmates what I do. In fact, I did the same at the pre-reunion gathering on Friday night, and came away with suggestions to check Meetup for writers' groups.
So the actual accomplishments today included:
1. signing up for 2 writers' groups on Meetup.
2. Signing up for the 30 day, 50,000 word NaNoWriMo challenge
3. Writing 2700 words of the 50,000 goal.
4. having a blast talking eating and dancing with my classmates.
I would list what I did not get done, but frankly, that's counterproductive. I try to keep my focus on the positive, and that means, what I did do rather than what I failed to accomplish. As Scarlet O'Hara said: "After all, tomorrow is another day!"
For my personal goals, I plan to write at least 3000 words tomorrow, especially since writing every day is going to be a challenge in and of itself, so if I exceed the daily minimum on the days I do write, it will make up for the days I'm unable to get a few words in. Though, admittedly, now that I've gotten started, aside from exhaustion which I'm pleading now, I see no reason why I won't get at least a bit in each day, because I really want to be writing, and I'm excited about my latest project!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to all of the people who encourage me and challenge me to do more.
2. I am grateful for my ADD which allows me to move in multiple directions without missing a beat.
3. I am grateful to all of the people who shared the reunion with me tonight. I had a blast, and felt a lot of love and joy filling the room! For those who weren't able to join us, know that we felt you there in spirit!
4. I am grateful for all of the positive, supportive energy I'm feeling now, and especially for the fact that that energy is growing so quickly that it clearly cannot be contained.
5. I am grateful for the fond memories that are passing through my mind of an evening well spent, as I sit here, trying to finish my post before I pass out from exhaustion.
Love and light.
I got up this morning, maybe 45 minutes later than I'd intended, but kitty cuddles in the morning are so hard to resist! I thanked Dylan for his lovely purrs on my head when I woke up with a stiff neck and aching back because by the time I got up, most of the stiffness was gone, thanks to cat therapy!
But I digress. I got up and put my gym clothes on, fully intending to do a workout before the day got crazy, yet here I sit, at almost 11:00, still half dressed after having gone in about 7 different directions over breakfast and my first cup of coffee.
So far, I've browsed websites for a Kitchenaid double oven stove (which I don't exactly need as the stove I have isn't that old!), found a great deal on one which I've added to my cart, though have not fully committed to ($1600 is still a lot of money for someone in my position to pay for something she doesn't exactly NEED but would really LIKE to have, especially with Thanksgiving coming up!) My darling daughter of "failure-to-try-to-talk-me-out-of-adopting-Dylan-man-fame" was egging me on while half-heartedly mentioning that we no longer cook the turkey in the oven since we discovered how moist it comes out and how quickly it cooks in the electric dutch oven. I noticed she didn't throw in something about how she could really use my double oven for her baking, should I decide to invest in said appliance.
After vacillating over the non-essential luxury purchase for awhile, I turned my attention to a suggestion I received from a friend at last night's pre-reunion gathering, and sought out writers' groups in my area via Meetup. I joined one and applied to join another, though their current events are on weekends I can't make right now. I want to have options over the next few weeks, and, ultimately, make a commitment to a regular group or two as part of my process.
So here I sit, trying to decide whether to go to the gym or just put in a Zumba dvd or two instead, knowing that I need to call a friend in an hour or so about helping me put together something creative for the reunion, then work out a time with my daughter to help me do something with the rat's nest I fondly refer to as my hair (but at least the grey is temporarily gone and the color is brighter for a little help from a bottle.
Then my daughter calls again, and another half hour passes with little or no activity. <sigh>
As if I didn't already have enough distractions going, my darling daughter again asks if I've checked out the 50,000 words in a month writing challenge. So what does the woman who was going to get in a workout this morning before getting all dolled up for her reunion do? As if there's really any question?
So, after signing up for the challenge and writing about 2700 words of a story that wasn't even a germ of an idea at 11:00 this morning, before forcing myself to stop and get ready for the reunion.
As was suggested not to subtly by my ART class, I responded with "writer" when asked by my classmates what I do. In fact, I did the same at the pre-reunion gathering on Friday night, and came away with suggestions to check Meetup for writers' groups.
So the actual accomplishments today included:
1. signing up for 2 writers' groups on Meetup.
2. Signing up for the 30 day, 50,000 word NaNoWriMo challenge
3. Writing 2700 words of the 50,000 goal.
4. having a blast talking eating and dancing with my classmates.
I would list what I did not get done, but frankly, that's counterproductive. I try to keep my focus on the positive, and that means, what I did do rather than what I failed to accomplish. As Scarlet O'Hara said: "After all, tomorrow is another day!"
For my personal goals, I plan to write at least 3000 words tomorrow, especially since writing every day is going to be a challenge in and of itself, so if I exceed the daily minimum on the days I do write, it will make up for the days I'm unable to get a few words in. Though, admittedly, now that I've gotten started, aside from exhaustion which I'm pleading now, I see no reason why I won't get at least a bit in each day, because I really want to be writing, and I'm excited about my latest project!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to all of the people who encourage me and challenge me to do more.
2. I am grateful for my ADD which allows me to move in multiple directions without missing a beat.
3. I am grateful to all of the people who shared the reunion with me tonight. I had a blast, and felt a lot of love and joy filling the room! For those who weren't able to join us, know that we felt you there in spirit!
4. I am grateful for all of the positive, supportive energy I'm feeling now, and especially for the fact that that energy is growing so quickly that it clearly cannot be contained.
5. I am grateful for the fond memories that are passing through my mind of an evening well spent, as I sit here, trying to finish my post before I pass out from exhaustion.
Love and light.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
November 1, 2013 Reunion weekend and....
The weekend I've been anticipating with a mixture of feelings has arrived.
Why mixed feelings, you ask? Well, let me try to explain.
I've been reading a lot of energy updates which target this weekend as one in which some pretty sweeping changes will be set off. The solar eclipse on Sunday is certainly part of the problem, but other alignments and misalignments will also be suspect!
But this is also the weekend of my high school reunion, and people started arriving today to share our casual evening at the Cantina tonight. It was so good to see faces which, while maybe not so familiar now, certainly bring back memories of a more innocent time. Tonight we got to share a relaxing evening, catching up, getting to know spouses, and just sharing a few laughs. Tomorrow, I'll spend time with a friend or two before getting into my Sunday best for a more formal evening of dining, dancing and, yes, more talking and hugging! Then we'll finish off our celebration with brunch on Sunday for those who might still be ready for a little more time with each other.
But this energy thing is certainly making itself felt! Although I was able to hyper focus for a good part of the day, there were unusual delays and interruptions throughout the day, until my momentum finally just hit a wall! I know I can resume my efforts on Monday, but have my doubts as to how smoothly it might go, given, not only the last two days, which were craziness personified, but also the energy of the next couple, which could well tear my best laid plans assunder!
I'm reading that it is similar to being in the birth canal, being pushed and shoved and squashed, but sent ever forward until that moment, which can be somewhat traumatic, when you emerge into a new place with new noises, strange lights, odd smells and less protection from outside forces. Check here if you'd like to see what I've been readng: http://www.thepowerpath.com/index.php/power-path-home/the-power-path/monthly-forecast/577-november-forecast-2013
As usual, I felt the quickening a couple of days ahead of time, so while everyone else might not really start to feel the pressure to emerge for another day or so, I've been experiencing it most of the week. I'm liable to come flying out, instead of a gentle sliding into the world, but my normal state is anything but patient, so it's fitting that I emerge with a virtual bang.
I'm trying to be sensitive to the changes occurring for the people around me, but along with my distraction seems to come a feeling that I can only focus on myself for right now. My energy just isn't available to everyone who might need it. I'm going to be somewhat selfish for the next few weeks, giving of my energy only when I really want to, and the rest of the time, only a select few will be my beneficiaries.
It's really an interesting juggling act, to be uber responsible on the one hand, and completely let go and trust in Source on the other. It seems that the mundane responsibilities need to be dealt with right now, perhaps to clear the way for the more creative, esoteric ones which will be filling all of the space by month-end. It really is like a house cleaning, but one in which you get all of the mundane tasks cleared and filed away so your work area is clear for energy work, the arts, and other things which rely on faith in yourself, the energy of the Universe and a number of factors which aren't exactly tangible, but can be felt all the same.
I have an urge to reorganize my office, moving things around, and clearing out that which no longer serves me. I feel I'm going to need the space for the new things coming into my life, and that I'd best have the space available before I'm going to need it or the juggling act will resemble the guys with the spinning plates when the big, floppy, shaggy dog runs through them to get at the cat.
As I'm not a fan of flying, crashing explosions of crockery, my choice is to get it packed safely away before it is at risk for mass destruction
So the next week or two look to be a time of both mental and physical purging. Clearing out the old to make room for the new which is coming, whether there is room or not, so I might as well make everyone comfortable!
My gratititudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the opportunity to reconnect with old friends.
2. I am grateful for the opportunity to let go of those things which no longer serve me.
3, I am grateful for the choices I'm making and the fact that I can just trust in everything working out as it's supposed to without actually knowing how that will happen.
4. I am grateful for a plan to put some discipline into my world including work schedules, gym viisits, house cleaning and other tasks which, when put on a regular schedule, seem to get done without us realizing they're being handled.
5. I am grateful for my ability to turn some areas where I have exhibited negativity into something positive and productive.
Love and light.
Why mixed feelings, you ask? Well, let me try to explain.
I've been reading a lot of energy updates which target this weekend as one in which some pretty sweeping changes will be set off. The solar eclipse on Sunday is certainly part of the problem, but other alignments and misalignments will also be suspect!
But this is also the weekend of my high school reunion, and people started arriving today to share our casual evening at the Cantina tonight. It was so good to see faces which, while maybe not so familiar now, certainly bring back memories of a more innocent time. Tonight we got to share a relaxing evening, catching up, getting to know spouses, and just sharing a few laughs. Tomorrow, I'll spend time with a friend or two before getting into my Sunday best for a more formal evening of dining, dancing and, yes, more talking and hugging! Then we'll finish off our celebration with brunch on Sunday for those who might still be ready for a little more time with each other.
But this energy thing is certainly making itself felt! Although I was able to hyper focus for a good part of the day, there were unusual delays and interruptions throughout the day, until my momentum finally just hit a wall! I know I can resume my efforts on Monday, but have my doubts as to how smoothly it might go, given, not only the last two days, which were craziness personified, but also the energy of the next couple, which could well tear my best laid plans assunder!
I'm reading that it is similar to being in the birth canal, being pushed and shoved and squashed, but sent ever forward until that moment, which can be somewhat traumatic, when you emerge into a new place with new noises, strange lights, odd smells and less protection from outside forces. Check here if you'd like to see what I've been readng: http://www.thepowerpath.com/index.php/power-path-home/the-power-path/monthly-forecast/577-november-forecast-2013
As usual, I felt the quickening a couple of days ahead of time, so while everyone else might not really start to feel the pressure to emerge for another day or so, I've been experiencing it most of the week. I'm liable to come flying out, instead of a gentle sliding into the world, but my normal state is anything but patient, so it's fitting that I emerge with a virtual bang.
I'm trying to be sensitive to the changes occurring for the people around me, but along with my distraction seems to come a feeling that I can only focus on myself for right now. My energy just isn't available to everyone who might need it. I'm going to be somewhat selfish for the next few weeks, giving of my energy only when I really want to, and the rest of the time, only a select few will be my beneficiaries.
It's really an interesting juggling act, to be uber responsible on the one hand, and completely let go and trust in Source on the other. It seems that the mundane responsibilities need to be dealt with right now, perhaps to clear the way for the more creative, esoteric ones which will be filling all of the space by month-end. It really is like a house cleaning, but one in which you get all of the mundane tasks cleared and filed away so your work area is clear for energy work, the arts, and other things which rely on faith in yourself, the energy of the Universe and a number of factors which aren't exactly tangible, but can be felt all the same.
I have an urge to reorganize my office, moving things around, and clearing out that which no longer serves me. I feel I'm going to need the space for the new things coming into my life, and that I'd best have the space available before I'm going to need it or the juggling act will resemble the guys with the spinning plates when the big, floppy, shaggy dog runs through them to get at the cat.
As I'm not a fan of flying, crashing explosions of crockery, my choice is to get it packed safely away before it is at risk for mass destruction
So the next week or two look to be a time of both mental and physical purging. Clearing out the old to make room for the new which is coming, whether there is room or not, so I might as well make everyone comfortable!
My gratititudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the opportunity to reconnect with old friends.
2. I am grateful for the opportunity to let go of those things which no longer serve me.
3, I am grateful for the choices I'm making and the fact that I can just trust in everything working out as it's supposed to without actually knowing how that will happen.
4. I am grateful for a plan to put some discipline into my world including work schedules, gym viisits, house cleaning and other tasks which, when put on a regular schedule, seem to get done without us realizing they're being handled.
5. I am grateful for my ability to turn some areas where I have exhibited negativity into something positive and productive.
Love and light.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
October 31, 2013 Being distracted is becoming a way of life.
Have I mentioned that I've been feeling distracted and disconnected lately? (only half a million times, right?)
It's getting so bad that my friends are noticing it too! I'm chalking it up to having a lot on my mind at the moment, but aside from today when I did my best to focus on completing a task for my boss, my mind is like a butterfly on weed! It just flitters and flutters this way and that, lighting for a moment, then winging its way off to some other distraction. It's driving me nuts!
I still can't manage to meditate more than about 15 minutes, and it seems like hours! This has got to stop! I have things to do, people to see, preparations to make!
And yet, I know it will all come together. But the control freak in me is having a hard time just letting go right now.
For some reason, my feet felt lighter as I danced tonight, and yet, the noise level seemed to be excessively high, and I wasn't the only one who noticed.
But part of that seems to have found an explanation, as a woman who was well known in the dance community, and especially at the club where I dance, lost her battle with pancreatic cancer this morning. I'm sure that what I was feeling tonight was her spirit bidding us all a final farewell as she moved on to the next plane.
I guess this is just another reminder that things change, whether you want them to or not, and the best thing you can do is relax and go with the flow. Fighting the changes is exhausting and best, futile in the extreme and much like trying to paddle up a waterfall. You can fight it and end up where you were meant to be, exhausted and frustrated, or you can let the current take you where it will, no matter what you do, and arrive refreshed and ready to accept the new order and make something extraordinary out of it.
I'm guessing that my distractedness is my way of stilling my analytical side and allowing the situation to unfold as it is meant to, without my well-meaning, but fruitless interference.
We are rolling into a weekend which promises some major upheavals, and which includes a solar eclipse! It should make for interesting times at my high school reunion! A few fireworks maybe?
I suppose the best thing for me to do, then, is to get plenty of rest as the festivities actually begin tomorrow night, and we have things planned all the way through Sunday! Good thing I'm taking all of those vitamins and supplements every day!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that despite the sadness it brings to many, Joan is out of pain.
2. I am grateful for the warmth and continuity of the dance community, and the love we all share.
3. I am grateful for a weekend of old friends and new, memories past and new memories being made.
4. I am grateful for the cats who are waiting, not very patiently, to get their evening snuggle time.
5. I am grateful for the chain of events that is transpiring with the speed of a runaway freight train, even though I don't know right now where it will all end up. The excitement is in the journey!
Love and light
It's getting so bad that my friends are noticing it too! I'm chalking it up to having a lot on my mind at the moment, but aside from today when I did my best to focus on completing a task for my boss, my mind is like a butterfly on weed! It just flitters and flutters this way and that, lighting for a moment, then winging its way off to some other distraction. It's driving me nuts!
I still can't manage to meditate more than about 15 minutes, and it seems like hours! This has got to stop! I have things to do, people to see, preparations to make!
And yet, I know it will all come together. But the control freak in me is having a hard time just letting go right now.
For some reason, my feet felt lighter as I danced tonight, and yet, the noise level seemed to be excessively high, and I wasn't the only one who noticed.
But part of that seems to have found an explanation, as a woman who was well known in the dance community, and especially at the club where I dance, lost her battle with pancreatic cancer this morning. I'm sure that what I was feeling tonight was her spirit bidding us all a final farewell as she moved on to the next plane.
I guess this is just another reminder that things change, whether you want them to or not, and the best thing you can do is relax and go with the flow. Fighting the changes is exhausting and best, futile in the extreme and much like trying to paddle up a waterfall. You can fight it and end up where you were meant to be, exhausted and frustrated, or you can let the current take you where it will, no matter what you do, and arrive refreshed and ready to accept the new order and make something extraordinary out of it.
I'm guessing that my distractedness is my way of stilling my analytical side and allowing the situation to unfold as it is meant to, without my well-meaning, but fruitless interference.
We are rolling into a weekend which promises some major upheavals, and which includes a solar eclipse! It should make for interesting times at my high school reunion! A few fireworks maybe?
I suppose the best thing for me to do, then, is to get plenty of rest as the festivities actually begin tomorrow night, and we have things planned all the way through Sunday! Good thing I'm taking all of those vitamins and supplements every day!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that despite the sadness it brings to many, Joan is out of pain.
2. I am grateful for the warmth and continuity of the dance community, and the love we all share.
3. I am grateful for a weekend of old friends and new, memories past and new memories being made.
4. I am grateful for the cats who are waiting, not very patiently, to get their evening snuggle time.
5. I am grateful for the chain of events that is transpiring with the speed of a runaway freight train, even though I don't know right now where it will all end up. The excitement is in the journey!
Love and light
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
October 30, 2013 My favorite things
Here I sit, in front of my computer, cat on the desk, mouse hanging precariously over the edge, awaiting said feline's next stretch before I'm once again, diving under the desk to retrieve it, and smiling all over my body, because this is truly my favorite part of the day.
This is the time when I get to sit down, open up my brain and just let it all hang out. It doesn't matter whether I wax eloquent, or walk the fine line between comedy and idiocy. I am doing what I enjoy most, and that is putting words to paper (or virtual paper) in any way I please.
My mind has been in such a jumble lately, as I prepare to make some pretty significant leaps, and as a result, meditating is virtually impossible. I might actually get my brain to shut off for as long as 15 minutes, but that's about as good as it gets right now.
But when I sit down at the computer to write, I have the freedom to allow all of those errant thoughts to just spill out on the screen in whatever order they come out. I'm not anxious to get everything to make sense right now. The point here is to get the thoughts out and maybe find that gem of an idea which will become the story you'll read in a magazine or collection and be able to say "I read her when..."
For now, my focus is more on quantity than quality, because, when it comes down to it, I can edit and perfect once I have a whole bunch of words, right? But the idea which will be my first published story must first be allowed to break free of all of the other ideas, and show me just how pretty it looks, all dressed up for the party to be thrown in its honor.
I guess that's why I tend to lean more towards the company of my cats. They don't judge what hits the page, nor the number of hours I sit here pounding on the keys at my usual lightening pace. As long as they are acknowledged periodically, given a few skritches when I come up for air, and their food and water bowls are kept full, they're perfectly content to just lay around my office, keeping me company.
Dylan, in particular, likes nothing better than to have me around all the time. He lays on the desk for awhile, then wanders off to do whatever cats do when they're not eating or sleeping, then checks in every so often to make sure I am still conscious of the fact that he requires attention ever now and then.
The rest of them have their own routines, but each, in his or her own way, makes sure I know that I can't be typing every minute, and when I'm not, they are the most important thing!
As I gear up to change my life in pretty drastic ways, I'm also conscious of how my changes will affect others, either positively or negatively. For the former, I'm excited and thrilled that changes I make can cause a chain reaction of good things for other people too. For the latter, I'm doing my best to minimize the negative impact my choices make, while still realizing that if the impact to some seems negative, perhaps they have a lesson which will come out of it and turn their lives in a better direction too.
Little signs along the way are assuring me that what I'm doing is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, and will, ultimately, bring good things to a lot of people, either directly or indirectly. The Universal headslaps seem to have stopped for the moment, and have been replaced by a lot of "attaboys". I feel like my former, one woman cheerleading squad has expanded and is an entire team, complete with human towers, flips, leaps and mid-air twists.
The air around me is so charged with energy that I have a tough time seeing where I stop and everything else begins. When I focus on sealing my field, it keeps slipping out from under the seal and spreading further out. Often, these days, I feel like my energy field fills an entire room! At one point, I tried to pull it in so it wasn't risking annoying someone who might be more sensitive, but that was a battle I lost stupendously! This energy wants to run amok, and I am not the woman to thwart it right now.
What's a girl to do when her own energy takes charge? Strap herself in and hold on for a wild ride!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to be allowed to positively impact other people.
2. I am grateful for the large influx of work that is coming my way.
3. I am grateful for clearing more of my time for writing.
4. I am grateful for the plethora of story ideas I have scattered all over the place.
5. I am grateful for my skepticism as it keeps me from taking everything I read too seriously.
Love and light
This is the time when I get to sit down, open up my brain and just let it all hang out. It doesn't matter whether I wax eloquent, or walk the fine line between comedy and idiocy. I am doing what I enjoy most, and that is putting words to paper (or virtual paper) in any way I please.
My mind has been in such a jumble lately, as I prepare to make some pretty significant leaps, and as a result, meditating is virtually impossible. I might actually get my brain to shut off for as long as 15 minutes, but that's about as good as it gets right now.
But when I sit down at the computer to write, I have the freedom to allow all of those errant thoughts to just spill out on the screen in whatever order they come out. I'm not anxious to get everything to make sense right now. The point here is to get the thoughts out and maybe find that gem of an idea which will become the story you'll read in a magazine or collection and be able to say "I read her when..."
For now, my focus is more on quantity than quality, because, when it comes down to it, I can edit and perfect once I have a whole bunch of words, right? But the idea which will be my first published story must first be allowed to break free of all of the other ideas, and show me just how pretty it looks, all dressed up for the party to be thrown in its honor.
I guess that's why I tend to lean more towards the company of my cats. They don't judge what hits the page, nor the number of hours I sit here pounding on the keys at my usual lightening pace. As long as they are acknowledged periodically, given a few skritches when I come up for air, and their food and water bowls are kept full, they're perfectly content to just lay around my office, keeping me company.
Dylan, in particular, likes nothing better than to have me around all the time. He lays on the desk for awhile, then wanders off to do whatever cats do when they're not eating or sleeping, then checks in every so often to make sure I am still conscious of the fact that he requires attention ever now and then.
The rest of them have their own routines, but each, in his or her own way, makes sure I know that I can't be typing every minute, and when I'm not, they are the most important thing!As I gear up to change my life in pretty drastic ways, I'm also conscious of how my changes will affect others, either positively or negatively. For the former, I'm excited and thrilled that changes I make can cause a chain reaction of good things for other people too. For the latter, I'm doing my best to minimize the negative impact my choices make, while still realizing that if the impact to some seems negative, perhaps they have a lesson which will come out of it and turn their lives in a better direction too.
Little signs along the way are assuring me that what I'm doing is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, and will, ultimately, bring good things to a lot of people, either directly or indirectly. The Universal headslaps seem to have stopped for the moment, and have been replaced by a lot of "attaboys". I feel like my former, one woman cheerleading squad has expanded and is an entire team, complete with human towers, flips, leaps and mid-air twists.
The air around me is so charged with energy that I have a tough time seeing where I stop and everything else begins. When I focus on sealing my field, it keeps slipping out from under the seal and spreading further out. Often, these days, I feel like my energy field fills an entire room! At one point, I tried to pull it in so it wasn't risking annoying someone who might be more sensitive, but that was a battle I lost stupendously! This energy wants to run amok, and I am not the woman to thwart it right now.
What's a girl to do when her own energy takes charge? Strap herself in and hold on for a wild ride!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to be allowed to positively impact other people.
2. I am grateful for the large influx of work that is coming my way.
3. I am grateful for clearing more of my time for writing.
4. I am grateful for the plethora of story ideas I have scattered all over the place.
5. I am grateful for my skepticism as it keeps me from taking everything I read too seriously.
Love and light
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
October 29, 2013 Making positive changes
As I'm gearing up for some rather dramatic changes in my life, I'm noticing a wonderful upswing in my level of joy. Not only that, I'm already seeing how the changes I'm implementing in my own life are also impacting the lives of others in one way or another. I ran across this today and felt that it pretty much summed things up: I am certainly believing in possibilities these days, and allowing for any form they might decide to take without overthinking how they should turn out. I'm finding that, once the initial shock of the balls I've put in play wore off, my confidence in the success of whatever I undertake becomes, not so much that it will be, but how high I can go!
I've really taken to heart what I've been reading lately about setting the plan but allowing the details to fall in place and to just be ready to kick yourself into high gear when things start to flow. What I'm seeing now is not so much if finding enough, but more of being able to keep up with the influx and to know when to allow some opportunities to pass me by so that I can focus on the ones which are best aligned with where I want and need to go.
When I present my plan to my friends and family, I'm met with nothing but positive responses and well wishes. And the Universe is, instead of giving me head slaps for a change, giving me high fives and very strong indications that "By Jove, I think you've got it now!"
I'm almost tempted to jump the gun with regard to my time frame, but know that my plan, at least in that regard, is based on very sound reasoning as well as respect for those who will be impacted once this train starts to pick up steam. In fact, I see yet another lesson in patience coming at me, full speed, this time!
I'm also finding that when an idea first forms which means stepping outside our comfort zone, one of the first things we feel upon contemplating that first step is a frisson of fear. If we can work ourselves past that, keeping positive thoughts as to the ultimate outcome, the fear, though making a few more attempts to convince us to stay right where we are, is quickly vanquished by a combination of holding positive visions of the outcome and turning off the part of our brains which launches the "what if" scenarios.
Essentially, but making ourselves believe in the best possible outcome, fear has nothing on which to feed and ultimately dies. This is where the magic begins! That happy, little positive outcome thought attracts more happy, little positive outcome thoughts and as they continue to attract more of their kind, quite before we know it, that germ of an idea has sprung forth, full grown, and much more well-rounded than that which gave birth to it.
Just as a snowball rolling down a hill picks up more snow as it continues its trek, so, too, does that germ of an idea as it attracts other ideas and feeds off of the positive thoughts which are sent to it when the idea is shared. Those positive thoughts might also attract other ideas to make it better, or help from unexpected quarters. But whatever it attracts which makes it better, bigger, more viable or more far-reaching, it is what turns the sale of a few pendants into a billion dollar business, or a blog into a book, or any number of amazing transformations.
Above all, everyone has it in them to create such transformations. All we have to do is shut off the fear and allow the positivity and the ideas to come in instead!
I feel a little bit like one of those really happy couples who just want everyone to be happy like them! My ideas are humming along, gathering momentum and support and are getting ready to burst forth in a form I couldn't even imagine when the first idea was formed, but which is so much better and more practicable than I could have imagined! Now I want everyone to understand how it works, and to take a chance on themselves!
I realize this isn't realistic, but I do know that I'll make a point of encouraging others to follow their ideas and believe in themselves!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the love and support my wild-ass ideas are getting right now.
2. I am grateful that by making a positive change in my life, I am able to give others something with which to make a positive change in theirs...and so on and so on and so on...
3. I am grateful for the people who are reading what I write, as I feel the positivity they send as well, and it just adds more fuel to my ever-growing bonfire.
4. I am grateful that I'm getting closer every day.
5. I am grateful that my life gives me so many things to laugh about, and so many people to laugh with so that we just keep filling up that joy bubble to bursting, when it sends a whole bunch of little joy bubbles out in the world to touch even more people!
Love and light
October 28, 2013 Just another day in Paradise
Today was a day of organizing, then relaxing to try to ease a backache which had plagued me most of the day, then about 3 hours of intense activity while I made the week's meals, cleaned out sandboxes and put out the week's trash.
What completely baffles me is that when I started doing the chores, I had been half falling asleep, but after jumping around for the last couple of hours, I find that I'm now nearly as wired as I am after a night of dancing! The only time exercise doesn't seem to wire me instead of exhausting me is when I actually get one of my gym workouts in (which, obviously, I did not tonight). Driving home, knowing I should go to the gym, all I could think about was how much I needed to get done tonight and how much my back hurt! So, the gym lost, but back is feeling better and chores are done. I don't have to scrounge for something to eat tomorrow as it's all neatly stacked on the bottom shelf in my refrigerator and it means I eat healthy for the rest of the week!
But this isn't what I intended to blog about tonight (as if I ever intend to write anything and manage to adhere solely to that intention!). I saw a graphic tonight which tied in so closely with a conversation I'd had with my daughter last night that I knew it had to be part of tonight's post.
I don't recall the full conversation, but the gist of it was that I had not raised her to conform with other people's beliefs and expectations. Thinking about it and the cattle prod that's been poking at me for years to find a way to follow my passion, I realize that I was ill-equipped to raise a child to conform anyway. I've always been a misfit, occasionally trying to fit my round peg into their square hole, always with results deemed unsatisfactory by both sides of the equation. I finally realized, a few years back, that I was meant to not fit into anyone's idea of normal.
I was meant to have my head in the clouds and my feet loosely planted on the ground. I was meant to see pictures in the clouds which were nothing like what anyone else saw. I was meant to drop into my super conscious and let the words come out in whatever random, haphazard fashion they might wish, and rearrange them into some semblance of order once they were all out.
And I was meant to raise daughters who were free thinkers, stubborn, opinionated and out of the ordinary. That is just who we are. Doing something for the sole purpose of pleasing someone else just isn't in our nature. When we do something, it comes from the heart and, though pleasing someone else might be secondary, it's a lot more meaningful because we are doing it from the love in our heart rather than the obligation of our mind.
But it isn't just me. Most of my friends are what I might call "quirky", as well. But what they really are is very interesting people who couldn't be boring if they wanted to. They look at life from their own perspective and don't expect validation because they validate themselves.
I think the need for acceptance is what drives people to try to do and be what others expect. Though there was a time when I needed outside acceptance, I've finally discovered that once I fell in love with myself, that's the only acceptance I needed. That self-love allows me to just be true to myself, and as a result, I'm a more genuine person to others.
I lived a lot of years, watching my mother put on different faces for different situations, never really knowing who the true woman I called "Mom" was. To this day, I don't think I know who she truly was!
Unconsciously, this further stimulated my need to be my own person first, and accepted by people, only if it was right for me and them. If not, we can still be friendly, but that wonderful, electric connection isn't there.
I've accepted that I am not going to connect with everyone and, in fact, there are quite a few I out and out rub the wrong way. They don't get me and I don't get them, but what I do get is that it is quite all right that we are running at cross purposes. Both of our purposes are important, and there's nothing that says our purposes have to mesh.
I treasure that individuality in myself and I treasure it even more in my friends because that's where I get to learn new things! Maybe the fact that I spent my early years in the 60's when individuality was valued and praised. I took that influence with me through life. It hasn't always been an easy road I've chosen for myself, but it's always been, if not interesting and enjoyable, at least it's been challenging and I've learned a lot!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for people who accept us for our differences.
2. I am grateful that I don't feel the need to conform.
3. I am grateful for my quirky, unusual, always interesting friends.
4. I am grateful that I'm finally winding down from my cooking and cleaning frenzy.
5. I am grateful that I'm one day closer to achieving my heart's desire.
Love and light.
What completely baffles me is that when I started doing the chores, I had been half falling asleep, but after jumping around for the last couple of hours, I find that I'm now nearly as wired as I am after a night of dancing! The only time exercise doesn't seem to wire me instead of exhausting me is when I actually get one of my gym workouts in (which, obviously, I did not tonight). Driving home, knowing I should go to the gym, all I could think about was how much I needed to get done tonight and how much my back hurt! So, the gym lost, but back is feeling better and chores are done. I don't have to scrounge for something to eat tomorrow as it's all neatly stacked on the bottom shelf in my refrigerator and it means I eat healthy for the rest of the week!
But this isn't what I intended to blog about tonight (as if I ever intend to write anything and manage to adhere solely to that intention!). I saw a graphic tonight which tied in so closely with a conversation I'd had with my daughter last night that I knew it had to be part of tonight's post. I don't recall the full conversation, but the gist of it was that I had not raised her to conform with other people's beliefs and expectations. Thinking about it and the cattle prod that's been poking at me for years to find a way to follow my passion, I realize that I was ill-equipped to raise a child to conform anyway. I've always been a misfit, occasionally trying to fit my round peg into their square hole, always with results deemed unsatisfactory by both sides of the equation. I finally realized, a few years back, that I was meant to not fit into anyone's idea of normal.
I was meant to have my head in the clouds and my feet loosely planted on the ground. I was meant to see pictures in the clouds which were nothing like what anyone else saw. I was meant to drop into my super conscious and let the words come out in whatever random, haphazard fashion they might wish, and rearrange them into some semblance of order once they were all out.
And I was meant to raise daughters who were free thinkers, stubborn, opinionated and out of the ordinary. That is just who we are. Doing something for the sole purpose of pleasing someone else just isn't in our nature. When we do something, it comes from the heart and, though pleasing someone else might be secondary, it's a lot more meaningful because we are doing it from the love in our heart rather than the obligation of our mind.
But it isn't just me. Most of my friends are what I might call "quirky", as well. But what they really are is very interesting people who couldn't be boring if they wanted to. They look at life from their own perspective and don't expect validation because they validate themselves.
I think the need for acceptance is what drives people to try to do and be what others expect. Though there was a time when I needed outside acceptance, I've finally discovered that once I fell in love with myself, that's the only acceptance I needed. That self-love allows me to just be true to myself, and as a result, I'm a more genuine person to others.
I lived a lot of years, watching my mother put on different faces for different situations, never really knowing who the true woman I called "Mom" was. To this day, I don't think I know who she truly was!
Unconsciously, this further stimulated my need to be my own person first, and accepted by people, only if it was right for me and them. If not, we can still be friendly, but that wonderful, electric connection isn't there.
I've accepted that I am not going to connect with everyone and, in fact, there are quite a few I out and out rub the wrong way. They don't get me and I don't get them, but what I do get is that it is quite all right that we are running at cross purposes. Both of our purposes are important, and there's nothing that says our purposes have to mesh.
I treasure that individuality in myself and I treasure it even more in my friends because that's where I get to learn new things! Maybe the fact that I spent my early years in the 60's when individuality was valued and praised. I took that influence with me through life. It hasn't always been an easy road I've chosen for myself, but it's always been, if not interesting and enjoyable, at least it's been challenging and I've learned a lot!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for people who accept us for our differences.
2. I am grateful that I don't feel the need to conform.
3. I am grateful for my quirky, unusual, always interesting friends.
4. I am grateful that I'm finally winding down from my cooking and cleaning frenzy.
5. I am grateful that I'm one day closer to achieving my heart's desire.
Love and light.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
October 27, 2013 Revisiting gratitude
As far as I'm concerned, I cannot be grateful too much. I find reasons to be grateful in the smallest of things, though today was not one of the small things! I had an amazing evening with friends, chatting, dancing, sharing wonderful food, and celebrating another friend's milestone of 60 years in this human existence! What could be better? Finding this on my Facebook page tonight! But I would like to add "and end it with one as well!"
As most of us have discovered, abundance attracts abundance, gratitude attracts more of what you're grateful for, and love attracts love.
I was fortunate enough, tonight, to share not only wonderful company, but warm, from the depths of the heart, hugs. I got to reconnect with an old friend, and laugh, joke and celebrate with others. I especially love these (sort of) away from dancing social events because it allows me an opportunity to get to know my dance friends just a little better! When we're at one of the dance clubs, our focus is on the dancing, and the volume is typically too loud to hold much of a conversation anyway. We put our energy into the joy of the dance, and although we are most definitely connected, we're not getting to see that wonderful, inner person we all are!
But take us away from the clubs, and even if there happens to be some dancing, we still get that precious time together to share another piece of ourselves and to learn how much more we all have in common besides the dancing and the music.
So yes, I begin each day with a grateful heart (though it would take a really sad person not to when awakened by my pile of fluffballs wanting cuddles and snuggles!) and I make a point of looking for the small things, and waging mini celebrations all day long. (ask my daughter some time about my green light song. Though she'll probably roll her eyes first!)
People might call me odd or strange, but I'll bet those who do don't enjoy the littlest things in life nearly as much as I do!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for all of the little things in my life, because, simple math will tell you that a plethora of little things very quickly becomes a plethora of big things!
2. I am grateful for the time I was fortunate enough to spend with family, friends and people I just met this evening. They were all truly delightful and filled my joy meter to the top and then some!
3. I am grateful for Loki's continuing improvements and am especially grateful to have my loud, obnoxious, loveable little troublemaker showing very definite signs of feeling better than she has in awhile.
4. I am grateful for the ability to visualize perfection until perfection has to be.
5. I am grateful that I found a dress for my reunion with a minimum of pain, and an enjoyable afternoon with my daughter.
Love and light.
October 27, 2013 A night of weird dreams
Today was one of those mornings when I woke from my dreams thinking "Huh???".
All of them seemed to be taking place on a school campus, but it kept shifting between elementary and high school.
In one, I saw my daughter Jenni speaking to a woman and walked over to say hello. She put out her hand and "introduced" herself to me using her full, given name which is odd as she's been so insistent about using her middle name for years now. The woman she was talking to, out of the blue, suggested we go sit on the lawn and pray. I calmly explained to her that we aren't the praying type, and she just accepted it and went on her way.
In the next one, the entire campus was walking over to a grassy area for some kind of presentation. As we walked, there were spots on the grass which were lighting up in various patterns and words, and I found myself thinking that it must have taken them a long time to get it all set up, yet none of it and been there the day before. When we got to the area, there were video clips on screens depicting mothers whose children had been poisoned by vaccines and food additives. There were piles of boxes containing candy and other foods on the tables. The ingredients on the outside of the boxes looked pretty healthy, but when you opened the boxes, there was a completely different list of ingredients, most of which were highly toxic.
The man in charge of this program started talking and a number of us found that he was nothing more than a snake oil salesman. We challenged what he was saying and he went into a rant about how he had worked with all of the government agencies. His claim was that if it was brown, he'd worked with them. (this didn't really make sense to me in the dream, nor does it now). His shirt was covered with engraved badges in black stock with white lettering. The only one I remember reading said "FBI". He talked about how he had worked at Rocketdyne for a number of years as well. (a lot of this sounds pretty random and it did in the dream as well.)
I grabbed one of the boxes and took it to the school office. I wanted to find out who had cleared this man to speak on campus, and to make them aware of what he was really about. I spoke to the Vice Principal who said that Kay and Luke had already brought him an even worse example than the one I showed him, and that he was shutting the guy down. I also voiced my concerns about him speaking on other campuses and was assured that word had been sent out to other schools in the state via some kind of school-wide network.
I then found myself in a car with a couple of women and one of them was telling me that she loved this guy's products and fed her kids his spaghetti sauce all the time. I asked her if she even read the real ingredients and she had some weird explanation. As I sat in the car, a jar of spaghetti sauce popped open and spilled all over the floor. I exited the car at that point, neglecting to mention the spilled sauce. I remember the thought crossing my mind that just the smell of the sauce might have some kind of mind altering properties to it.
A lot of things in this dream didn't really make sense to me but at the top of the list was the purpose of my presence on this school campus. I was neither student, teacher nor parent, and yet I seemed to belong there, as did many other adults who were among the most vocal in exposing this man for what he really seemed to be doing. After we had voiced our concerns, we went back to our jobs. Mine suddenly had a large number of research projects on which I was working with extensive staffs. As the projects piled up, I found myself feeling overwhelmed, but then chastised myself for not using slack time I'd had to get ahead on some things I knew were coming up. After that, I just geared myself up to work some long hours in order to get ahead of all of my projects.
Although I'm not making much sense of any of this, I felt a sense of urgency to get it documented while it was still fresh in my brain. I trust that, in time, some of it will allow me to form some kind of connection with things I need to be aware of in the coming weeks.
Interestingly, Toby kept waking me up at critical points in the dreams so that I was sure to remember parts of them. Accident or Universal design?
I'm not adding gratitudes to this post as it is more of a brain dump of my dreams, and I'll put up a "real" post later tonight.
A final thought occurred to me just before I hit the "publish" button. I had a sandwich with rye bread for lunch yesterday and half a wrap sandwich with onion rings last night for dinner. Could the dream just be my brain telling me that what I had eaten yesterday was poisonous for my body?
Love and light.
All of them seemed to be taking place on a school campus, but it kept shifting between elementary and high school.
In one, I saw my daughter Jenni speaking to a woman and walked over to say hello. She put out her hand and "introduced" herself to me using her full, given name which is odd as she's been so insistent about using her middle name for years now. The woman she was talking to, out of the blue, suggested we go sit on the lawn and pray. I calmly explained to her that we aren't the praying type, and she just accepted it and went on her way.
In the next one, the entire campus was walking over to a grassy area for some kind of presentation. As we walked, there were spots on the grass which were lighting up in various patterns and words, and I found myself thinking that it must have taken them a long time to get it all set up, yet none of it and been there the day before. When we got to the area, there were video clips on screens depicting mothers whose children had been poisoned by vaccines and food additives. There were piles of boxes containing candy and other foods on the tables. The ingredients on the outside of the boxes looked pretty healthy, but when you opened the boxes, there was a completely different list of ingredients, most of which were highly toxic.
The man in charge of this program started talking and a number of us found that he was nothing more than a snake oil salesman. We challenged what he was saying and he went into a rant about how he had worked with all of the government agencies. His claim was that if it was brown, he'd worked with them. (this didn't really make sense to me in the dream, nor does it now). His shirt was covered with engraved badges in black stock with white lettering. The only one I remember reading said "FBI". He talked about how he had worked at Rocketdyne for a number of years as well. (a lot of this sounds pretty random and it did in the dream as well.)
I grabbed one of the boxes and took it to the school office. I wanted to find out who had cleared this man to speak on campus, and to make them aware of what he was really about. I spoke to the Vice Principal who said that Kay and Luke had already brought him an even worse example than the one I showed him, and that he was shutting the guy down. I also voiced my concerns about him speaking on other campuses and was assured that word had been sent out to other schools in the state via some kind of school-wide network.
I then found myself in a car with a couple of women and one of them was telling me that she loved this guy's products and fed her kids his spaghetti sauce all the time. I asked her if she even read the real ingredients and she had some weird explanation. As I sat in the car, a jar of spaghetti sauce popped open and spilled all over the floor. I exited the car at that point, neglecting to mention the spilled sauce. I remember the thought crossing my mind that just the smell of the sauce might have some kind of mind altering properties to it.
A lot of things in this dream didn't really make sense to me but at the top of the list was the purpose of my presence on this school campus. I was neither student, teacher nor parent, and yet I seemed to belong there, as did many other adults who were among the most vocal in exposing this man for what he really seemed to be doing. After we had voiced our concerns, we went back to our jobs. Mine suddenly had a large number of research projects on which I was working with extensive staffs. As the projects piled up, I found myself feeling overwhelmed, but then chastised myself for not using slack time I'd had to get ahead on some things I knew were coming up. After that, I just geared myself up to work some long hours in order to get ahead of all of my projects.
Although I'm not making much sense of any of this, I felt a sense of urgency to get it documented while it was still fresh in my brain. I trust that, in time, some of it will allow me to form some kind of connection with things I need to be aware of in the coming weeks.
Interestingly, Toby kept waking me up at critical points in the dreams so that I was sure to remember parts of them. Accident or Universal design?
I'm not adding gratitudes to this post as it is more of a brain dump of my dreams, and I'll put up a "real" post later tonight.
A final thought occurred to me just before I hit the "publish" button. I had a sandwich with rye bread for lunch yesterday and half a wrap sandwich with onion rings last night for dinner. Could the dream just be my brain telling me that what I had eaten yesterday was poisonous for my body?
Love and light.
October 26, 2013 Halloweening
What a fun night, dancing and playing dress up! I guess some parts of childhood never grow old. As always, there were a lot of cute costumes at the bar where I dance, though the crowd was light since a lot of people were either at the Zac Brown concert or at parties of their own. It did leave us more room to dance which I will never complain about, and I did get some two-steppin' and couples dancing in, enough to make me come home with sore feet, but what a way to go!
I did have a rather odd experience upon arriving home. Not long after I walked through the door, I became very sick to my stomach. Although it passed, I'm still feeling slightly queasy. I could attribute it to something I ate, but the last thing was several hours ago. It wasn't the pit in the stomach, something's not right kind of nauseaus, but rather, the "don't get between me and the bathroom because I'm going to hurl!" kind of nauseous. Thankfully, it passed before the hurling part got a chance to materialize!
What a busy weekend! I went shopping with Heather today and quickly found a dress for my reunion. In fact, though I had to buy a larger size, it wasn't as large as I expected, and the process was actually relatively painless. Since we got done so quickly, we went to a place I'd never been for lunch called "The Yard House". They had absolutely yummy ahi steak sandwiches which we both thoroughly enjoyed!
Then it was back home to do a couple of chores before getting ready to go dancing. Tomorrow brings the usual grocery shopping and errands, but we also get to go to a birthday party, complete with a live band and more dancing! Woo hoo!!! And it's one of my favorite bands, which is even better! Of course, this means I have to add a couple of stops to my list of errands tomorrow, and I really want to get in a workout at the gym, so I must increase efficiency!
I did get about an hour's worth of writing in today that was not blogging! I'm trying really hard to start getting into the habit of writing something which could, eventually, turn into a book each and every day. Let's call it, setting a new habit (despite the fact that my gym habit is in the process of being re-established since I fell off the wagon, so to speak) and this one brings me great joy, even as I sit in front of my computer, struggling to pull words out of my head!
I'm getting a lot of email now from publishers offering self-publishing packages, writing groups offering seminars and workshops and all manner of related organizations. It will simply be a matter of weeding through them and determining which, if any, will be beneficial to me in the next few months. No decisions need to be made at this particular moment, so I'll continue to do my research and filter out those which are less likely to bring any value to what I'm doing.
So the journey continues, though the path has taken a new direction, it's all for the good.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the good times with my family and friends.
2. I am grateful for inspiration which had me dressing up for Halloween after all.
3. I am grateful for being able to come home after a long, eventful, tiring day and just snuggle with my kitties whose only real demands involve "skritch me over here...a little to the left, please. Ahhh, just right!"
4. I am grateful for hot showers after working my muscles over much.
5. I am grateful for all of the people who inspire and encourage me to live my passion.
Love and light.
I did have a rather odd experience upon arriving home. Not long after I walked through the door, I became very sick to my stomach. Although it passed, I'm still feeling slightly queasy. I could attribute it to something I ate, but the last thing was several hours ago. It wasn't the pit in the stomach, something's not right kind of nauseaus, but rather, the "don't get between me and the bathroom because I'm going to hurl!" kind of nauseous. Thankfully, it passed before the hurling part got a chance to materialize!
What a busy weekend! I went shopping with Heather today and quickly found a dress for my reunion. In fact, though I had to buy a larger size, it wasn't as large as I expected, and the process was actually relatively painless. Since we got done so quickly, we went to a place I'd never been for lunch called "The Yard House". They had absolutely yummy ahi steak sandwiches which we both thoroughly enjoyed!
Then it was back home to do a couple of chores before getting ready to go dancing. Tomorrow brings the usual grocery shopping and errands, but we also get to go to a birthday party, complete with a live band and more dancing! Woo hoo!!! And it's one of my favorite bands, which is even better! Of course, this means I have to add a couple of stops to my list of errands tomorrow, and I really want to get in a workout at the gym, so I must increase efficiency!
I did get about an hour's worth of writing in today that was not blogging! I'm trying really hard to start getting into the habit of writing something which could, eventually, turn into a book each and every day. Let's call it, setting a new habit (despite the fact that my gym habit is in the process of being re-established since I fell off the wagon, so to speak) and this one brings me great joy, even as I sit in front of my computer, struggling to pull words out of my head!
I'm getting a lot of email now from publishers offering self-publishing packages, writing groups offering seminars and workshops and all manner of related organizations. It will simply be a matter of weeding through them and determining which, if any, will be beneficial to me in the next few months. No decisions need to be made at this particular moment, so I'll continue to do my research and filter out those which are less likely to bring any value to what I'm doing.
So the journey continues, though the path has taken a new direction, it's all for the good.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the good times with my family and friends.
2. I am grateful for inspiration which had me dressing up for Halloween after all.
3. I am grateful for being able to come home after a long, eventful, tiring day and just snuggle with my kitties whose only real demands involve "skritch me over here...a little to the left, please. Ahhh, just right!"
4. I am grateful for hot showers after working my muscles over much.
5. I am grateful for all of the people who inspire and encourage me to live my passion.
Love and light.
Friday, October 25, 2013
October 25, 2013 It's about Time
Many of us spend our lives living according to someone else's schedule...someone else's alarm clock.
First, our parents set our schedules, then our schools and finally, our jobs.
As children, we attend school which begins and ends at specific times. We take breaks, recesses and lunches at the same time every day. As we progress through the school system, we also change classes at a specific time, study certain subjects at certain times, and so it goes on.
Life progresses (or does it?) and we live in accordance with our employer's time requirements, arriving at work in compliance with their expectations, working a certain amount of hours, often taking our lunch at a time they specify rather than when we feel hungry or ready for a break.
I raise this subject because, for the last few days, I've had a devil of a time waking on "time" to make it to work "on time". The days are getting shorter as the season changes from Summer to Fall, heading straight for Winter. The mornings have been overcast, further causing my internal clock to insist that it is too early to get up. Then I rush around like a crazy person, forgetting things and having so skip others in order to get to work at least close to my starting time. Where does it all end (and hopefully, while we're still alive to enjoy it!)?
Our ancestors lived their lives by the rising and setting of the sun. Certainly, their lives were physically a lot harder than ours are today, as they lacked the electric, electronic and gasoline powered conveniences we have today. But they listened to their bodies when it came to waking and sleeping, working and playing and just getting the job done.
Most of the time, my body says that while it's dark, it wants to either sleep or snuggle a little longer with the cats. (one of whom took it upon himself to instigate a game of "hide the glasses" this morning in an effort to keep me home a little longer! If a cat could laugh, the sight of me groping around on the nightstand, and, subsequently, under the bed where said glasses were finally located, surely caused more than a little kitty amusement this morning!)
I would get up, medicate and feed the cats and pour my first cup of coffee before sitting down at the computer to answer mail and plan out my day. A quick shower, insertion of contacts and breakfast would follow, as I followed up on any correspondence, figured out when I needed to be out of the house, including gym visits, and jumped into the task at hand, whether it be accounting or writing.
My schedule would allow for a quick task change if either someone needed my services immediately, due to unforeseen circumstances, or if my muse was more insistent than usual that I get an idea down on paper (or, in my case, screen).
Clearly, I'd still have a loosely set routine that was, in some way, tied to time, but the schedule would be more of my own making. Some days, I might work on my various jobs from 7 in the morning until, maybe 3 in the afternoon. Other days, it might be 9 AM to midnight. But the time would be of my own choosing, or that of the part of me which takes off with mad abandon on topics like time or phases of the moon, or whatever might strike my fancy from one day to the next.
I might knock out a short story in an hour or so or struggle over a single chapter for my latest novel for days on end. But it wouldn't matter, because my time would still be my own to manage.
This is more than just a perfect day I'm imagining longingly. It is a perfect life from start to finish.
Granted, the reliance on someone else's schedule has been part of what has brought me here, now. I've realized that it suits me about as well as wearing a brand new pair of high heels, every single day. I want to kick off the time constraints as much or more than I'd want to kick off those damned heels! (To put this in perspective, those who know me realize that I almost never wear heels, and, in fact, opt for sandals or bare feet most of the time!)
As luck would have it, my friend, Liz, posted this on Facebook this morning, and I found it as I hit a lull in my writing:
Seeing this, I realized that a good part of why we allow others to schedule our time is fear. We are afraid to be left to our own devices to make sure we accomplish what we are meant to. We are afraid to set our own schedule, set our own expectations, and even set our limits...or not!
I further realized that I, too, lived with a lot of fear and as a result, bought into the expectations of others with regard to my time.
Doing so was not entirely a bad thing as, like everything else, it has been part of my growth process, and I have learned so much while following this process. In fact, I've learned enough to understand that it doesn't have to be this way, but only I can make the choice and put forth the effort to change it.
Yes, for now, I'm still living my life, or at least part of it, in accordance with someone else's schedule, but I know that I've put things in place so that it won't be a permanent affliction.
My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful for the lessons I've learned which allow me to make changes in my life.
2. I am grateful for the people who have come into my life in the last year or so who are helping me open my eyes to new possibilities.
3. I am grateful for the resources I have developed which give me options I could not have imagined even five years ago!
4. I am grateful for the love and support I feel more and more strongly each and every day.
5. I am grateful for having been able to find my glasses this morning, despite Dylan's best efforts.
Love and light.
First, our parents set our schedules, then our schools and finally, our jobs.
As children, we attend school which begins and ends at specific times. We take breaks, recesses and lunches at the same time every day. As we progress through the school system, we also change classes at a specific time, study certain subjects at certain times, and so it goes on.
Life progresses (or does it?) and we live in accordance with our employer's time requirements, arriving at work in compliance with their expectations, working a certain amount of hours, often taking our lunch at a time they specify rather than when we feel hungry or ready for a break.
I raise this subject because, for the last few days, I've had a devil of a time waking on "time" to make it to work "on time". The days are getting shorter as the season changes from Summer to Fall, heading straight for Winter. The mornings have been overcast, further causing my internal clock to insist that it is too early to get up. Then I rush around like a crazy person, forgetting things and having so skip others in order to get to work at least close to my starting time. Where does it all end (and hopefully, while we're still alive to enjoy it!)?
Our ancestors lived their lives by the rising and setting of the sun. Certainly, their lives were physically a lot harder than ours are today, as they lacked the electric, electronic and gasoline powered conveniences we have today. But they listened to their bodies when it came to waking and sleeping, working and playing and just getting the job done.
Most of the time, my body says that while it's dark, it wants to either sleep or snuggle a little longer with the cats. (one of whom took it upon himself to instigate a game of "hide the glasses" this morning in an effort to keep me home a little longer! If a cat could laugh, the sight of me groping around on the nightstand, and, subsequently, under the bed where said glasses were finally located, surely caused more than a little kitty amusement this morning!)
I would get up, medicate and feed the cats and pour my first cup of coffee before sitting down at the computer to answer mail and plan out my day. A quick shower, insertion of contacts and breakfast would follow, as I followed up on any correspondence, figured out when I needed to be out of the house, including gym visits, and jumped into the task at hand, whether it be accounting or writing.
My schedule would allow for a quick task change if either someone needed my services immediately, due to unforeseen circumstances, or if my muse was more insistent than usual that I get an idea down on paper (or, in my case, screen).
Clearly, I'd still have a loosely set routine that was, in some way, tied to time, but the schedule would be more of my own making. Some days, I might work on my various jobs from 7 in the morning until, maybe 3 in the afternoon. Other days, it might be 9 AM to midnight. But the time would be of my own choosing, or that of the part of me which takes off with mad abandon on topics like time or phases of the moon, or whatever might strike my fancy from one day to the next.
I might knock out a short story in an hour or so or struggle over a single chapter for my latest novel for days on end. But it wouldn't matter, because my time would still be my own to manage.
This is more than just a perfect day I'm imagining longingly. It is a perfect life from start to finish.
Granted, the reliance on someone else's schedule has been part of what has brought me here, now. I've realized that it suits me about as well as wearing a brand new pair of high heels, every single day. I want to kick off the time constraints as much or more than I'd want to kick off those damned heels! (To put this in perspective, those who know me realize that I almost never wear heels, and, in fact, opt for sandals or bare feet most of the time!)
As luck would have it, my friend, Liz, posted this on Facebook this morning, and I found it as I hit a lull in my writing: Seeing this, I realized that a good part of why we allow others to schedule our time is fear. We are afraid to be left to our own devices to make sure we accomplish what we are meant to. We are afraid to set our own schedule, set our own expectations, and even set our limits...or not!
I further realized that I, too, lived with a lot of fear and as a result, bought into the expectations of others with regard to my time.
Doing so was not entirely a bad thing as, like everything else, it has been part of my growth process, and I have learned so much while following this process. In fact, I've learned enough to understand that it doesn't have to be this way, but only I can make the choice and put forth the effort to change it.
Yes, for now, I'm still living my life, or at least part of it, in accordance with someone else's schedule, but I know that I've put things in place so that it won't be a permanent affliction.
My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful for the lessons I've learned which allow me to make changes in my life.
2. I am grateful for the people who have come into my life in the last year or so who are helping me open my eyes to new possibilities.
3. I am grateful for the resources I have developed which give me options I could not have imagined even five years ago!
4. I am grateful for the love and support I feel more and more strongly each and every day.
5. I am grateful for having been able to find my glasses this morning, despite Dylan's best efforts.
Love and light.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
October 24, 2013 A disturbing phenomenon
I experienced something rather disturbing tonight as I tried to seal my field while dancing. Each time I set the seal, my energy field expanded, slipping out from the confines of the seal. No matter how hard I tried to get the seal around the energy, it just kept slipping out.
I noticed that I felt rather fatigued this evening, but the old chicken and the egg question is: was I tired because I was struggling to seal my field or was I struggling to seal my field because I was tired?
Either way, a good night's sleep won't do me any harm, and with a busy weekend ahead of me, it's probably just as well.
Nothing seems to be holding my focus right now, and I can only surmise that everything has assumed a holding pattern until I can get everything in place. Meanwhile, I'm inspired to finish organizing my office, so I will likely pick up that task over the next few weeks, in between working on some writing projects and doing a bit of research.
As I find myself at a loss for words, I'll end this evening's post with my usual gratitudes:
1. I am grateful for an abundance of energy, albeit beyond my control at the moment.
2. I am grateful for confidence in risky decisions.
3. I am grateful for the support my friends give me, no matter what I might decide to do.
4. I am grateful for my dance evenings, even when I cut them a bit shorter than usual.
5. I am grateful for my warm, soft bed which awaits me, and is most likely already full of cats.
Love and light.
I noticed that I felt rather fatigued this evening, but the old chicken and the egg question is: was I tired because I was struggling to seal my field or was I struggling to seal my field because I was tired?
Either way, a good night's sleep won't do me any harm, and with a busy weekend ahead of me, it's probably just as well.
Nothing seems to be holding my focus right now, and I can only surmise that everything has assumed a holding pattern until I can get everything in place. Meanwhile, I'm inspired to finish organizing my office, so I will likely pick up that task over the next few weeks, in between working on some writing projects and doing a bit of research.
As I find myself at a loss for words, I'll end this evening's post with my usual gratitudes:
1. I am grateful for an abundance of energy, albeit beyond my control at the moment.
2. I am grateful for confidence in risky decisions.
3. I am grateful for the support my friends give me, no matter what I might decide to do.
4. I am grateful for my dance evenings, even when I cut them a bit shorter than usual.
5. I am grateful for my warm, soft bed which awaits me, and is most likely already full of cats.
Love and light.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
October 23, 2013 Itchy, twitchy and out of sorts
I woke up this morning to a foggy, overcast day and a feeling that I needed to stay away from people. As I'd chosen to ignore my good sense and done my Monday night trash duty shoe-less, I was rewarded with a painfully swollen bruise on my left heel, courtesy of a small rock between the paved driveway and my trash cans. As icing and elevation seemed to relieve some of the symptoms last night, I decided to continue the therapy and work from home.
Thankfully, the cats found it necessary to stay close most of the time (though, at the moment, I'm actually alone), but the further into the day I get, the more jumpy and twitchy I become.
I decided to do a past-present-future tarot spread with the question of my plans for the next month or two in the forefront of my mind. The cards I pulled, at first glance, were significant, but not compellingly so...until I started doing some research. Here they are, in the order they appeared:
The first card I pulled was the Five of Cups indicating that an emotional attachment to multiple things has been, or is in the process of, being subject to upheaval. In the end, only two, which are clearly near and dear to my heart, will remain undamaged, and perhaps, stronger for the culling of the rest. Those remaining are blessed by Divine Light and are part of my true path. I am experiencing a certain amount of inner turmoil with regard to those things I will, ultimately release.
The second card I pulled was the Star: This is a card of hope and beauty, and one where all things thrive under divine light. The archetype of the great blue heron seen in this card is of self-reliance, of making one's own way, and of living in unconventional fashions. A person with a heron-like archetype might make their living in an unconventional way, doing a bunch of odd jobs instead of working for a single employer. Borrowing from speakerfortheanimals.blogspot.com:
The water lilies, or lotuses at her feet are a symbol of hope and of purity and innocence. as well as fertility, rebirth and wellness. All of these resonate with my desire to write more and, ultimately have my work published. I also found, while researching the card's symbolism that some cultures believe that the lotus was once a star, thus connecting heaven and earth with the star in the heavens and the star which has come to reside on Earth.
The last card I pulled was the Hierophant, the fifth card in the Major Arcana:
This card symbolizes the connection between our earthly selves and the Divine. It also symbolizes peace and harmony. I also see it as a card which promises a mentor to aid me in the transitions I will be making with my life over the next month or two. It is especially significant in the Future position as it indicates a strong pull towards someone with great wisdom who will give me guidance.
The card contains the symbol for the astrological sign, Virgo, which is my Moon sign and which is ruled by Mercury, as is my sun sign, Gemini.
Also of significance, here, is that both my past and future cards carry the number 5.
The number 5 is the symbol of Mercury (funny how that works, eh?) which is also characteristic of both the Hierophant and the astrological sign this card contains.
The number 5 is balance, a blend of the numbers for male and female and a balance between heaven and earth (or Earth and the Divine).
Sitting here, analyzing the cards, researching the meaning of the symbolism contained therein and noting the connections between the cards I pulled, I am starting to feel less anxious. It appears that what I've been told in the last few days is pretty much spot on. There is a certain amount of turmoil which is building in my life right now, and if I don't take action myself to discard what is no longer needed, the choice will be taken from me and those things will be discarded for me. The best option I have is to be proactive, start putting things in place for what I know is coming, and jump in with both feet, knowing that I am definitely on the right path, provided I am true to myself.
I won't be completely alone in this new endeavor as there are guides and teachers along the way. My job will be to open myself to what they have to offer, becoming the proverbial sponge and absorbing as much as I can from each person who is provided to me, in whatever capacity that might be.
I don't know if it was the process of researching the symbolism on the cards or just getting a reality check on where I'm going and what I'm doing which has settled me down, not completely, but so that I'm not ready to jump out of my skin any more. Maybe now, the cats will rejoin me. I think my edginess was starting to make their whiskers twitch and they needed to get away from the energy bombs I started, unconsciously, throwing about.
I am looking forward, with almost equal parts elation and trepidation, with the coming cycle which will involve throwing off the old and embracing the new.
I did say I liked E ticket rides! :)
My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful for the wealth of information which is at my disposal.
2. I am grateful for the tools I have which allow me to sift through the information overload to reach the gem buried deeply within.
3. I am grateful for my friends and family who encourage me, even if they don't realize they're doing so.
4. I am grateful for continued inspiration and motivation to just write.
5. I am grateful for the calming energy I'm receiving from my cats as I would be spinning out of control by now without it.
Love and life.
Thankfully, the cats found it necessary to stay close most of the time (though, at the moment, I'm actually alone), but the further into the day I get, the more jumpy and twitchy I become.
I decided to do a past-present-future tarot spread with the question of my plans for the next month or two in the forefront of my mind. The cards I pulled, at first glance, were significant, but not compellingly so...until I started doing some research. Here they are, in the order they appeared:
The first card I pulled was the Five of Cups indicating that an emotional attachment to multiple things has been, or is in the process of, being subject to upheaval. In the end, only two, which are clearly near and dear to my heart, will remain undamaged, and perhaps, stronger for the culling of the rest. Those remaining are blessed by Divine Light and are part of my true path. I am experiencing a certain amount of inner turmoil with regard to those things I will, ultimately release.
"Since as fishers of these waters our attention is constantly drawn back to the treasures of the Unconscious, we tend to lose interest in the matters other humans focus upon. We are not the most stable workers, or attentive spouses, or normal neighbors. We tend to be more than a little eccentric, preoccupied, inwardly turned people. We’re dreamers, liars, creating things out of our discoveries, imagining new things to be and do. We’re deeply engaged with exploring our naturalness, learning to know our bodies, or exploring Divine Nature. We’re unconventional, hearing our own inner drummer. We don’t worry about ‘keeping up with the Jones’s, doing what others do, believing what others believe, valuing what others value. If there is a weakness, it is that Heron works too hard at its fishing because he is a superb ‘stalker.’ He spends long hours standing and watching for a movement in the water, and needs sometimes to ‘loosen up’ and spend more time playing, courting lady herons or just snoozing in the Sun."I find this sums up a great deal of my current restlessness, as I know I'm feeling dreadfully constrained by what society might term "honoring my responsibilities".
The water lilies, or lotuses at her feet are a symbol of hope and of purity and innocence. as well as fertility, rebirth and wellness. All of these resonate with my desire to write more and, ultimately have my work published. I also found, while researching the card's symbolism that some cultures believe that the lotus was once a star, thus connecting heaven and earth with the star in the heavens and the star which has come to reside on Earth.
The last card I pulled was the Hierophant, the fifth card in the Major Arcana:
This card symbolizes the connection between our earthly selves and the Divine. It also symbolizes peace and harmony. I also see it as a card which promises a mentor to aid me in the transitions I will be making with my life over the next month or two. It is especially significant in the Future position as it indicates a strong pull towards someone with great wisdom who will give me guidance.
The card contains the symbol for the astrological sign, Virgo, which is my Moon sign and which is ruled by Mercury, as is my sun sign, Gemini.
Also of significance, here, is that both my past and future cards carry the number 5.
The number 5 is the symbol of Mercury (funny how that works, eh?) which is also characteristic of both the Hierophant and the astrological sign this card contains.
The number 5 is balance, a blend of the numbers for male and female and a balance between heaven and earth (or Earth and the Divine).
Sitting here, analyzing the cards, researching the meaning of the symbolism contained therein and noting the connections between the cards I pulled, I am starting to feel less anxious. It appears that what I've been told in the last few days is pretty much spot on. There is a certain amount of turmoil which is building in my life right now, and if I don't take action myself to discard what is no longer needed, the choice will be taken from me and those things will be discarded for me. The best option I have is to be proactive, start putting things in place for what I know is coming, and jump in with both feet, knowing that I am definitely on the right path, provided I am true to myself.
I won't be completely alone in this new endeavor as there are guides and teachers along the way. My job will be to open myself to what they have to offer, becoming the proverbial sponge and absorbing as much as I can from each person who is provided to me, in whatever capacity that might be.
I don't know if it was the process of researching the symbolism on the cards or just getting a reality check on where I'm going and what I'm doing which has settled me down, not completely, but so that I'm not ready to jump out of my skin any more. Maybe now, the cats will rejoin me. I think my edginess was starting to make their whiskers twitch and they needed to get away from the energy bombs I started, unconsciously, throwing about.
I am looking forward, with almost equal parts elation and trepidation, with the coming cycle which will involve throwing off the old and embracing the new.
I did say I liked E ticket rides! :)
My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful for the wealth of information which is at my disposal.
2. I am grateful for the tools I have which allow me to sift through the information overload to reach the gem buried deeply within.
3. I am grateful for my friends and family who encourage me, even if they don't realize they're doing so.
4. I am grateful for continued inspiration and motivation to just write.
5. I am grateful for the calming energy I'm receiving from my cats as I would be spinning out of control by now without it.
Love and life.
Monday, October 21, 2013
October 21, 2013 Messages I receive from unrelated sources
I came away from my class this weekend feeling energized, extremely positive, motivated and with a couple of new mantras I'll be using for my pre-bedtime sleep meditations. But when I got up this morning, feeling like I had slept really late, only to find that it was barely 9:30 (really late to me is usually 10:30 or 11 at least), feeling all warm and snuggly as I had been cuddling with Dylan while he purred happily, occasionally giving my face a little washing, I found this on my Facebook page, and it filled me with Joy as it completely resonates with where I am right now. Of course, that meant, to me, that it had to be shared!
In part, it's because I know that soon, I will be letting go of more stuff that no longer serves me, just as I have been decluttering my life and my home for some time now, but in part, the colors and the shapes spoke to me. I'm not sure why, but I can see the Tree of Life barely hidden within the angles, and within the tree of life, the seven major chakras as well. Had I pulled this as a card from an angel or tarot deck, I would have been instantly moved by the power, both hidden and obvious, that it contains. I find myself drawn into the picture, wanting to stare at it for long periods of time, wishing to understand all of the symbolism it contains, but knowing that my limited experience won't be able to discern all of the power manifesting in the image.
It seems, though, that I don't have to completely understand the symbolism to feel and yes, be affected by the power the structure of the image contains. It is enough, for now, to feel that power, to allow myself to both surrender to and absorb that power, and to share it with anyone with whom it may also resonate.
It is also clear that I need to take careful inventory of what in my life is necessary for my continued growth and what is not, and be courageous enough to trim those branches which are no longer healthy and strong. It is far better for me to prune them now than to wait for a windstorm which indiscriminately rips off branches for me. Better to selectively prune to strengthen the whole than to, later, lose things which could have been preserved had I removed what is currently hindering their growth and keeping them from becoming the strong, bearing walls of my being they are intended to be.
I feel very strongly that I have reached the end of a cycle, and must clear the way for the new one to emerge, strongly and fully. The old cycle is like the chrysalis, a place where life is transformed, where there is a period of seeming dormancy before the beauty of the butterfly emerges, full of new life, soaring high and traveling far. My chrysalis is very close to breaking open to allow my inner butterfly to fly free, but holding certain things too closely and fearfully will prevent the butterfly from emerging, healthy and fully formed.
Of course, timing is everything, and jumping too soon is as bad as waiting too long. Finding that perfect moment to make changes, and making sure that some safeguards or preparations have been made first are going to ensure the butterflies ability to grow and thrive.
Just as a teacher doesn't stand before their class to lecture without preparing their material first, just as a salesperson doesn't stand in front of a potential customer without knowing her product, and more, the customer's needs, so, too, must I do my own research, look for potential and for challenges as well, and plan, as best I can, for the possibilities.
In the end, though, I will be where I want to be, living on my own terms, and living very, very well! I look forward to many perfect days!
My gratitudes are:
1. I am grateful for inspiration, whatever its source.
2. I am grateful for encouragement and support which is coming to me from many directions and in larger and larger doses.
3. I am grateful for all I am learning about facilitating healing.
4. I am grateful for all I am learning about myself.
5. I am grateful for lazy mornings that no longer morph into lazy afternoons.
Love and light.
My gratitudes are:
1. I am grateful for inspiration, whatever its source.
2. I am grateful for encouragement and support which is coming to me from many directions and in larger and larger doses.
3. I am grateful for all I am learning about facilitating healing.
4. I am grateful for all I am learning about myself.
5. I am grateful for lazy mornings that no longer morph into lazy afternoons.
Love and light.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
October 20, 2013 The Perfect Day
Yesterday, I was challenged to describe my perfect day,. and so, my friends, it is going to come in the form of a short story (I hope).
The Perfect Day
I wake shortly after the sun comes up with Dylan wrapped around my head, purring softly. Toby's enormous bulk is sprawled across my stomach while he shoves his head into my hand, leaving no doubt as to what he requires. Loki sits on my chest, living up to her second name, Chatty Catty, as she tries to convince me she's starving, despite the ever present feeder and her last can of wet food, less than 10 hours ago.
Meanwhile, Munchkin has plastered herself to my left leg, and Scooby, in true Tigger fashion is bouncing around on the bed, rocking his collar bell.
As I slowly reach consciousness, a smile crosses my face as I review the next chapter for my latest book which came together while I slept.
Wandering to the kitchen to feed the little darlings, I nearly trip over Patches who has jumped off the sofa and is doing her little stiff-legged dance to assure me that, she, too, is starving! Not to be outdone, I run the regular morning obstacle course as Hailey and Cinders, rat catchers extraordinaire, wind in and out of my legs as I make my way to the cabinet in the garage where the seemingly (to them anyway!) endless supply of wet food is stored.
After attending to the most important task of the day, I grab my first cup of the nectar of life, in all of it's brown, beany glory, toss in some hazelnut creamer, grab a carton of yogurt and head for my office.
Going through my emails, I read through a couple of requests for short stories or magazine articles, update my agent on the progress of my latest book and send out reminders to some of my clients to get their work to me so I can do the necessary updates. I might also respond to a couple of inquiries from potential new clients, but the chapter is itching to come out, so I put business aside and open my manuscript file.
Now the fun begins!!! I release my tenuous hold on conscious thought and allow myself to return to a semi-dream state where the story continues to unfold. Fingers flying across the keys, I soon have the latest chapter recorded, and am well into the next when the phone buzzes.
My daughter, whose gluten free bakery and cafe opened six months ago, is doing her own Tigger imitation, nearly making the phone vibrate off the desk. She just received a phone call inviting her to be a contestant on "Cupcake Wars", fulfilling one of her many dreams. Sharing her excitement (it would be impossible not to!), we discuss the timing, preparation and requirements and I assure her that I will make myself available to do anything she needs. As quickly as she was in my ear, she's gone, to take care of customers, prepare for the lunch rush and start making lists of things she'll need for "Cupcake Wars".
Taking a few deep breaths and running a few waves of energy up and down my body, I settle back in to write for a couple more hours, finally calling a break after adding four new chapters to my manuscript.
As I have about three hours before I need to meet a possible new client for lunch, I change into workout clothes, grab a bottle of water and head for my workout room to do my regular 20 minutes of cardio and 80 minutes of weights, abs and stretching.
A couple of my clients have been growing so quickly that they will be needing a full time, in house bookkeeper soon, so after cleaning up from a very sweaty workout, I sit down to do some calculations and determine whether I need to add to my load, or focus more on the writing which, by this time, is starting to bring in more than its share of my monthly income.
Weighing the time needed to finish my book, the increasing number of requests for stories and articles and the time required to bring a new client or two up to speed, I am pleasantly surprised to find that, not only do I not need any new clients, I can afford to see another 3 or 4 move up to a full time bookkeeper!
Thinking back to where I was a year ago, I am still astounded at how quickly things came together once I started visualizing and being grateful for this wonderful, creative life I now have! Not only is my time my own, but my kitchen is finished, the remodel almost complete, adding nearly 2000 square feet to the house and the most amazing kitchen I've ever seen, but I am completely debt free!
Every morning, I jump out of bed, eager to meet the new day. My body is healthier than it's ever been, thanks to daily workouts in my home gym (not to mention that evil personal trainer I see three times a week!), and my energy seems boundless! My cats are all healthy thanks, in no small part to the healing class I completed last year, and continued classes, workshops and retreats I attend to further hone my skills.
I completed and published my book about family suicides, and sales are unbelievable! I've submitted a work of fiction and am waiting for the edits, I'm working on a second one as well as another self-help book. My social life has expanded to encompass fellow writers, editors, publishers and other members of the writing community. My blog has grown to three, each covering its own topic. And still, I can't type fast enough to keep up with the flow of ideas! (and that's saying a lot, given my 130+ words a minute typing speed!)
I've even hired a couple of people to help with the accounting business which allowed me to shift gears and write in the first place! Best of all, I get to sit at my computer and write each and every day!!!
There are even mutterings about a speaking tour, though heaven only knows what I'd find to talk about!
Life is perfect and I can't wait to see what each day brings!
My gratitudes are:
1. I am grateful to the people who saw the spark in me and encouraged me to fan the flames.
2. I am grateful, each and every day, for the continued flow of ideas.
3. I am grateful for the accounting skills and the flow of clients which allow me to follow my dreams.
4. I am grateful for my daughter's amazing success as she, too, follows her dreams.
5. I am grateful for every single challenge I have faced, and will face, making me stronger, better and more resilient.
Love and light.
The Perfect Day
I wake shortly after the sun comes up with Dylan wrapped around my head, purring softly. Toby's enormous bulk is sprawled across my stomach while he shoves his head into my hand, leaving no doubt as to what he requires. Loki sits on my chest, living up to her second name, Chatty Catty, as she tries to convince me she's starving, despite the ever present feeder and her last can of wet food, less than 10 hours ago.
Meanwhile, Munchkin has plastered herself to my left leg, and Scooby, in true Tigger fashion is bouncing around on the bed, rocking his collar bell.
As I slowly reach consciousness, a smile crosses my face as I review the next chapter for my latest book which came together while I slept.
Wandering to the kitchen to feed the little darlings, I nearly trip over Patches who has jumped off the sofa and is doing her little stiff-legged dance to assure me that, she, too, is starving! Not to be outdone, I run the regular morning obstacle course as Hailey and Cinders, rat catchers extraordinaire, wind in and out of my legs as I make my way to the cabinet in the garage where the seemingly (to them anyway!) endless supply of wet food is stored.
After attending to the most important task of the day, I grab my first cup of the nectar of life, in all of it's brown, beany glory, toss in some hazelnut creamer, grab a carton of yogurt and head for my office.
Going through my emails, I read through a couple of requests for short stories or magazine articles, update my agent on the progress of my latest book and send out reminders to some of my clients to get their work to me so I can do the necessary updates. I might also respond to a couple of inquiries from potential new clients, but the chapter is itching to come out, so I put business aside and open my manuscript file.
Now the fun begins!!! I release my tenuous hold on conscious thought and allow myself to return to a semi-dream state where the story continues to unfold. Fingers flying across the keys, I soon have the latest chapter recorded, and am well into the next when the phone buzzes.
My daughter, whose gluten free bakery and cafe opened six months ago, is doing her own Tigger imitation, nearly making the phone vibrate off the desk. She just received a phone call inviting her to be a contestant on "Cupcake Wars", fulfilling one of her many dreams. Sharing her excitement (it would be impossible not to!), we discuss the timing, preparation and requirements and I assure her that I will make myself available to do anything she needs. As quickly as she was in my ear, she's gone, to take care of customers, prepare for the lunch rush and start making lists of things she'll need for "Cupcake Wars".
Taking a few deep breaths and running a few waves of energy up and down my body, I settle back in to write for a couple more hours, finally calling a break after adding four new chapters to my manuscript.
As I have about three hours before I need to meet a possible new client for lunch, I change into workout clothes, grab a bottle of water and head for my workout room to do my regular 20 minutes of cardio and 80 minutes of weights, abs and stretching.
A couple of my clients have been growing so quickly that they will be needing a full time, in house bookkeeper soon, so after cleaning up from a very sweaty workout, I sit down to do some calculations and determine whether I need to add to my load, or focus more on the writing which, by this time, is starting to bring in more than its share of my monthly income.
Weighing the time needed to finish my book, the increasing number of requests for stories and articles and the time required to bring a new client or two up to speed, I am pleasantly surprised to find that, not only do I not need any new clients, I can afford to see another 3 or 4 move up to a full time bookkeeper!
Thinking back to where I was a year ago, I am still astounded at how quickly things came together once I started visualizing and being grateful for this wonderful, creative life I now have! Not only is my time my own, but my kitchen is finished, the remodel almost complete, adding nearly 2000 square feet to the house and the most amazing kitchen I've ever seen, but I am completely debt free!
Every morning, I jump out of bed, eager to meet the new day. My body is healthier than it's ever been, thanks to daily workouts in my home gym (not to mention that evil personal trainer I see three times a week!), and my energy seems boundless! My cats are all healthy thanks, in no small part to the healing class I completed last year, and continued classes, workshops and retreats I attend to further hone my skills.
I completed and published my book about family suicides, and sales are unbelievable! I've submitted a work of fiction and am waiting for the edits, I'm working on a second one as well as another self-help book. My social life has expanded to encompass fellow writers, editors, publishers and other members of the writing community. My blog has grown to three, each covering its own topic. And still, I can't type fast enough to keep up with the flow of ideas! (and that's saying a lot, given my 130+ words a minute typing speed!)
I've even hired a couple of people to help with the accounting business which allowed me to shift gears and write in the first place! Best of all, I get to sit at my computer and write each and every day!!!
There are even mutterings about a speaking tour, though heaven only knows what I'd find to talk about!
Life is perfect and I can't wait to see what each day brings!
My gratitudes are:
1. I am grateful to the people who saw the spark in me and encouraged me to fan the flames.
2. I am grateful, each and every day, for the continued flow of ideas.
3. I am grateful for the accounting skills and the flow of clients which allow me to follow my dreams.
4. I am grateful for my daughter's amazing success as she, too, follows her dreams.
5. I am grateful for every single challenge I have faced, and will face, making me stronger, better and more resilient.
Love and light.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
October 19, 2013 Resetting, revising, reworking
In keeping with October's message of resetting, I took a couple of days to re-look at what I was writing, where I was going, what my purpose really is and a number of other re's. As I wasn't ready to solidify anything into words, it meant taking a couple of days off from blogging.
But never fear! My disappearances never last for long any more, and with the help of my A.R.T. classmates and teacher, I am back on track, even better than before. I have some ideas about putting some plans in motion and have reached the end of not only my ability, but my desire to keep making excuses for neglecting my passion.
There will be some significant changes in the next couple of months with a lot of the energy which, by now, just about everyone is feeling in one way or another, being responsible for those changes.
In my case, it is becoming, "either start pedaling faster or get the hell out of the way!". I've decided that I'd rather pedal faster than miss the golden opportunities presenting themselves to me now.
The good news is, I now know that I can and will have the financial stability I need and the successful writing career that I must have. The details, for now, are not important, because I refuse to have preconceived notions locked into place which would prevent me from grabbing an unexpected opportunity which jumped out in front of me, yelling "pick me! PICK ME!!!" and which is so far beyond my wildest dreams that I would have to jump first and ask questions later.
I've eliminated all of the negative "what if's" and replaced them with positive "why the hell not?"s.
The unlikely has become probable, the impossible, likely, and the utterly ridiculous has become "I think that just might work!"
I will have my one or two days a week to just write...but that is only the beginning. I will have a flexible schedule which allows for meetings with publishers, writers' workshops, continuing to develop my voice, completion of the book currently in process and at least another two which have been percolating in my brain. There will be magazine articles and maybe even a newspaper column! Why should I limit the possibilities? There are potential opportunities I don't for now, even realize exist, but they are there for me, maybe when I turn the very next corner!
Too many things point to the fact that my purpose. my path, lie in creative avenues, and I am not going to be the one to tell all of those folks in the Universe that I'm going to ignore that one thing which pulls harder on me every day. It would be like trying to deny gravity!
I have too vivid a picture of starting my day with a cup of fresh coffee on the desk, cats munching happily on their breakfast in the kitchen, and fingers flying across the keyboard as my current story is writing itself almost faster than my fingers can type the words!
I may lose sight of the outside world for days at a time, but know that family and friends will pull me back if I'm gone too long. They will also respect the fact that I need to disconnect and feed my muse on a regular basis, or risk having her fickleness dessert me out of spite. As long as I'm well stocked with coffee, cat food and yogurt, though, all will be well.
There will be times when the hermit I've become needs to be dragged out for some fresh air and a few turns around a dance floor, or maybe a trip to Disneyland to just be silly. But even more important will be times when I barely get up from my computer to pee or refill my water glass!
Of course, I'll have to take those calls and emails from publisher, agent and editor, but that's the cherry on top of my hot fudge sundae, however difficult it might be to gracefully accept their untimely interruptions.
In the end, I will have made the transition from "writer" to "author" and that, my friends, is what I will be when I grow up! Above all, my oldest friend will finally get that book tour!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for all of the people in my life who are so very willing to kick me in the butt when I need it.
2. I am grateful that I know what my passion is, even if I haven't worked out all of the details for honoring it.
3. I am grateful for having finally gotten my sacral chakra open as it clears the way for all of that suppressed creativity.
4. I am grateful for the encouragement I'm getting from my cats which only LOOKS like they're telling me to stay at home, sit on the sofa and pay attention to them 24/7.
5. I am grateful for all of the new opportunities that are coming my way, to enable me to pursue my true passion.
Love and light.
But never fear! My disappearances never last for long any more, and with the help of my A.R.T. classmates and teacher, I am back on track, even better than before. I have some ideas about putting some plans in motion and have reached the end of not only my ability, but my desire to keep making excuses for neglecting my passion.
There will be some significant changes in the next couple of months with a lot of the energy which, by now, just about everyone is feeling in one way or another, being responsible for those changes.
In my case, it is becoming, "either start pedaling faster or get the hell out of the way!". I've decided that I'd rather pedal faster than miss the golden opportunities presenting themselves to me now.
The good news is, I now know that I can and will have the financial stability I need and the successful writing career that I must have. The details, for now, are not important, because I refuse to have preconceived notions locked into place which would prevent me from grabbing an unexpected opportunity which jumped out in front of me, yelling "pick me! PICK ME!!!" and which is so far beyond my wildest dreams that I would have to jump first and ask questions later.
I've eliminated all of the negative "what if's" and replaced them with positive "why the hell not?"s.
The unlikely has become probable, the impossible, likely, and the utterly ridiculous has become "I think that just might work!"
I will have my one or two days a week to just write...but that is only the beginning. I will have a flexible schedule which allows for meetings with publishers, writers' workshops, continuing to develop my voice, completion of the book currently in process and at least another two which have been percolating in my brain. There will be magazine articles and maybe even a newspaper column! Why should I limit the possibilities? There are potential opportunities I don't for now, even realize exist, but they are there for me, maybe when I turn the very next corner!
Too many things point to the fact that my purpose. my path, lie in creative avenues, and I am not going to be the one to tell all of those folks in the Universe that I'm going to ignore that one thing which pulls harder on me every day. It would be like trying to deny gravity!
I have too vivid a picture of starting my day with a cup of fresh coffee on the desk, cats munching happily on their breakfast in the kitchen, and fingers flying across the keyboard as my current story is writing itself almost faster than my fingers can type the words!
I may lose sight of the outside world for days at a time, but know that family and friends will pull me back if I'm gone too long. They will also respect the fact that I need to disconnect and feed my muse on a regular basis, or risk having her fickleness dessert me out of spite. As long as I'm well stocked with coffee, cat food and yogurt, though, all will be well.
There will be times when the hermit I've become needs to be dragged out for some fresh air and a few turns around a dance floor, or maybe a trip to Disneyland to just be silly. But even more important will be times when I barely get up from my computer to pee or refill my water glass!
Of course, I'll have to take those calls and emails from publisher, agent and editor, but that's the cherry on top of my hot fudge sundae, however difficult it might be to gracefully accept their untimely interruptions.
In the end, I will have made the transition from "writer" to "author" and that, my friends, is what I will be when I grow up! Above all, my oldest friend will finally get that book tour!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for all of the people in my life who are so very willing to kick me in the butt when I need it.
2. I am grateful that I know what my passion is, even if I haven't worked out all of the details for honoring it.
3. I am grateful for having finally gotten my sacral chakra open as it clears the way for all of that suppressed creativity.
4. I am grateful for the encouragement I'm getting from my cats which only LOOKS like they're telling me to stay at home, sit on the sofa and pay attention to them 24/7.
5. I am grateful for all of the new opportunities that are coming my way, to enable me to pursue my true passion.
Love and light.
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