I find that, despite a slightly slower start than normal, much to Toby's disgust (like I can't sleep for an extra 15-30 minutes in the morning now???), I woke up feeling energized, but to no coffee!!! Yes, folks, the pot was nearly empty and I'd failed, in last night's energy drain, to set up the pot to brew this morning. Needing to keep myself busy while the liquid of life (or at least, wakefulness) dripped slowly from my kitchenaid coffee maker, I performed a number of tasks which resulted in the following list:
Things to do while waiting for the coffee to brew:
1. Scoop sandboxes (this is assuming you have indoor cats like I do)
2. Put away laundry which has been in the dryer since Wednesday.
3. Put comforter in the washer, since Scooby conveniently horked on it, of course, knowing that it was time to wash it anyway.
4. Unload dishwasher
5. Reload dishwasher
6. Feed cats (yes, I know this should have been number 1, if you ask said felines)
7. Put odds and ends which have been left on the kitchen counter in their proper places.
8. Check email
9. Check blog stats.
10. Print out additional articles for this month's A.R.T. homework.
Whew! Was struggling to come up with 10, but I'm a creature of habit these days, in some regards, and my lists need to have 10 things, while gratitudes must contain 5. Why? I have no idea, but it just feels right!
Waking up in the mood to write could definitely be a good thing, though. I can get more editing done on my book and maybe even get some of the questions answered with regard to my marketing plan. (though I also promised the kids I'd review their choices for IRA contributions and help them understand their options).
Isn't it funny how an hour can change things? I've finished my breakfast, put another load of laundry in, chatted with a couple of friends, and suddenly, the wind is blowing outside my window, and my mood has changed again. I find that I'm mentally beating myself up for feelings I deem inappropriate. But being a writer, I will, ultimately, work through the feelings by adding them to my private file of things of too personal a nature to include in my blog. I do realize that putting them here might help someone else, but I can't think of a way, right now, to do it without including specifics. Should I figure out how to make it more general, it might still find its way here at some point, perhaps after I've already worked it out.
At any rate, the rest of what I need to write today must be done offline, so I will leave you with five more gratitudes, just because I can.
1. I am grateful that I have options, other than close friendships which I'm still learning how to form, for working out the things which trouble me.
2. I am grateful for friends who are going through some of the things I am, and can assure me that I'm not yet certifiably insane.
3. I am grateful for quiet time to express whatever I need to, either publicly or privately.
4. I am grateful for a life of abundance, prosperity and balance which, though constantly evolving, readjusts itself to always give me what I need.
5. I am grateful for my creativity and my "balls". A friend told me last night that I have great, big ones! :)
Love and light
Friday, March 7, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
March 6, 2014 Energy shifts, or is it just me?
Today was one of those days which makes me wonder whether the weird, energetic shifts are all in my head, or if others are feeling them too!
The day started out in a rather lovely way, with Toby snuggling, then moving over so Scooby and Patches could get their turns, while Dylan lay on the pillow and licked my hand. I was up by 7, which is a little on the early side for me, had the cats fed and my coffee by about 7:15, did my usual fiddling and futzing, answering email, checking Facebook and my blog...the usual. I was at the gym by 9:15, took it easy on the cardio because of my knee, and had an absolutely amazing weight workout!
But that's where things began to wind down, for no explicable reason. I made a smoothie, futzed on the computer some more, then settled in for my daily meditation. Unlike most days when either Munchkin or Snoopy settles on my lap, it was Toby who snuggled next to my leg with my arm around him, purring like crazy. While he was there, I managed a somewhat quiet minded state, though frankly, dance steps and a variety of other things were flitting across my vision. But as soon as he moved, I knew that my meditation was done. His purr was the only thing keeping me focused and not in monkey mind mode.
I never did really manage anything productive today, aside from the gym, and found myself nibbling on veggies and some popcorn I'd gotten at Trader Joe's.
Finally, it was time to go dancing, and it was amazing, seeing all of the "Cruisers" for the first time since the cruise. I love how the friendships grow from these trips, and we're all looking forward to next year. Heather's s'more's cake was amazing (and why shouldn't it be?), and the 14 inch round, 2 layer cake was gone in very short order! Friends who normally aren't there on Thursdays were there to wish Mathom a safe trip, so it was fun to chat with them as well as our usual bunch.
But people started leaving around 8:30, which is really early for all of us. I danced a few more, but found myself standing at one of the rails where there was some air flow, watching the dancing, but feeling rather detached. Though I did a couple of the dances in the line dance set, I realized that I just wasn't there any more, so I took off my shoes, said goodbye to several of my friends and came home.
I know this doesn't sound very odd in and of itself, but from one moment to the next, it was as if someone had just pulled my plug, and I have no idea why. There are some interesting interpersonal things going on which I won't go into as, frankly, it comes too close to drama which I try to avoid, or at least keep out of here. Perhaps some of that energy got in before I remembered to seal my field. The feeling of being drained, in fact, almost sucked dry, remains even as I sit here, surrounded by my cats, rice bag on my knee, and comfy clothes on.
The feeling is so strong that I'm thinking I'll be going to bed soon, and it's barely 10:20!
Could something have changed so drastically in less than 30 minutes' time to leave me not only exhausted and drained, but a little bit sad? I may never know, but one thing I do know is that a good night's sleep with lots of kitty cuddles will cure whatever ails me!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my cats when the world seems to be turned on its side, inexplicably.
2. I am grateful for my dance friends who always make me feel warm and welcome.
3. I am grateful for the joy to be found in the people around me.
4. I am grateful that either the tension I'm feeling will be gone by tomorrow, or I'll understand what caused it.
5. I am grateful for abundance, balance and prosperity in this, my wonderful, amazing life!
Love and light
The day started out in a rather lovely way, with Toby snuggling, then moving over so Scooby and Patches could get their turns, while Dylan lay on the pillow and licked my hand. I was up by 7, which is a little on the early side for me, had the cats fed and my coffee by about 7:15, did my usual fiddling and futzing, answering email, checking Facebook and my blog...the usual. I was at the gym by 9:15, took it easy on the cardio because of my knee, and had an absolutely amazing weight workout!
But that's where things began to wind down, for no explicable reason. I made a smoothie, futzed on the computer some more, then settled in for my daily meditation. Unlike most days when either Munchkin or Snoopy settles on my lap, it was Toby who snuggled next to my leg with my arm around him, purring like crazy. While he was there, I managed a somewhat quiet minded state, though frankly, dance steps and a variety of other things were flitting across my vision. But as soon as he moved, I knew that my meditation was done. His purr was the only thing keeping me focused and not in monkey mind mode.
I never did really manage anything productive today, aside from the gym, and found myself nibbling on veggies and some popcorn I'd gotten at Trader Joe's.
Finally, it was time to go dancing, and it was amazing, seeing all of the "Cruisers" for the first time since the cruise. I love how the friendships grow from these trips, and we're all looking forward to next year. Heather's s'more's cake was amazing (and why shouldn't it be?), and the 14 inch round, 2 layer cake was gone in very short order! Friends who normally aren't there on Thursdays were there to wish Mathom a safe trip, so it was fun to chat with them as well as our usual bunch.
But people started leaving around 8:30, which is really early for all of us. I danced a few more, but found myself standing at one of the rails where there was some air flow, watching the dancing, but feeling rather detached. Though I did a couple of the dances in the line dance set, I realized that I just wasn't there any more, so I took off my shoes, said goodbye to several of my friends and came home.
I know this doesn't sound very odd in and of itself, but from one moment to the next, it was as if someone had just pulled my plug, and I have no idea why. There are some interesting interpersonal things going on which I won't go into as, frankly, it comes too close to drama which I try to avoid, or at least keep out of here. Perhaps some of that energy got in before I remembered to seal my field. The feeling of being drained, in fact, almost sucked dry, remains even as I sit here, surrounded by my cats, rice bag on my knee, and comfy clothes on.
The feeling is so strong that I'm thinking I'll be going to bed soon, and it's barely 10:20!
Could something have changed so drastically in less than 30 minutes' time to leave me not only exhausted and drained, but a little bit sad? I may never know, but one thing I do know is that a good night's sleep with lots of kitty cuddles will cure whatever ails me!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my cats when the world seems to be turned on its side, inexplicably.
2. I am grateful for my dance friends who always make me feel warm and welcome.
3. I am grateful for the joy to be found in the people around me.
4. I am grateful that either the tension I'm feeling will be gone by tomorrow, or I'll understand what caused it.
5. I am grateful for abundance, balance and prosperity in this, my wonderful, amazing life!
Love and light
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
March 5, 2014 Changing life, changing habits
Back when I was working a regular job and having to be up by 7:00 to get out the door by 8:00, I could easily have slept until at least 9:00 and been perfectly happy. A real sleeping in day could see me dragging myself out of bed around 10 or even 11. But now that I'm self-employed again, I seem to have changed my sleeping habits for the better.
Sure, I'm still going to bed around 12 or 1, but sleeping in, these days, might be 7:45 instead of 7 or 7:30. Even when I feel like I've slept the whole day away, a glance at the clock tells me that it's just after 8! I'm not sure why this change has occurred, but I am not going to complain. I like having more of the day to do the things I want and need to do. (and the cats are thrilled that they get their morning canned food closer to what they were used to when I was leaving the house to work!)
I realize that part of it is Toby, waking me as soon as the sky begins to lighten, and becoming more insistent until, some mornings, I just kick him out of my room, but even then, I would have slept far longer than I wanted to. Not any more! My body seems to know that I really don't want to sleep the day away, and if I go on for too long, I either get twinges in my knee or my head which are always improved by just getting up!
The only thing I can determine is that I love my new life so much that I don't want to spend too much of it sleeping! Even on the cruise, when I was staying out past 1 AM, I was up every morning by about 6:30! I did very little sitting around, and a lot of hanging with my friends, seeing shows, dancing, and even karaoke!
If this is what following my passion looks like, I really do wish I'd done it sooner, even knowing that I made the change at exactly the right time for me!
I've been getting a lot of signs from the Universe that some kind of partnership is in my near future, and the signs are getting more and more insistent. It isn't entirely clear whether the partnership will be romantic or business, but I do find myself more open to having someone in my life again. However, I am still trash talking myself in my mind on occasion. This morning, I found myself thinking "nobody would really want to see this body as it is right now", but this time, I immediately scolded myself for being mean to the most important person in my life! The truth is, someone who cares more about looks isn't the right person for me anyway. Sure, I could lose all of the weight I need to and get myself into near perfect shape, but if I'm doing it just to attract someone, and know that I'd have to remain very diligent in order to hold their interest, that would be a very shallow relationship.
Being happy with myself, no matter what, has been a long road. That doesn't mean I won't still make improvements, but it means that the improvements I make are for my benefit, not someone else's.
I also find that, unlike before, if I'm in the middle of a task, and see something that really needs to be taken care of, I'll just add it on and do it, whereas, a few months ago, I'd be more likely to say "Oh, I'll do it later!". And you all know how soon "later" comes!
However, I have yet to figure out how to avoid obsessing over things which are: 1. Not in my control and 2. Not really my concern.
I suppose that the best to avoid it is to just keep busy or do something physical (because of my knee, I'm giving myself another day off from the gym, but will be dancing for the next two nights). So, this is me, working on bills, taxes and my book today, to get my mind off the obsessions!
My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful for improved habits.
2. I am grateful to have lost the pound and a half I gained on the cruise just a day later.
3. I am grateful for the love and support of my family and friends as I continue on with my leap of faith.
4. I am grateful for my continued faith in the Universe to put the hows in place while I continue to focus on the end result.
5. I am grateful for my readers who really do make a difference in how much I write!
Love and light.
Sure, I'm still going to bed around 12 or 1, but sleeping in, these days, might be 7:45 instead of 7 or 7:30. Even when I feel like I've slept the whole day away, a glance at the clock tells me that it's just after 8! I'm not sure why this change has occurred, but I am not going to complain. I like having more of the day to do the things I want and need to do. (and the cats are thrilled that they get their morning canned food closer to what they were used to when I was leaving the house to work!)
I realize that part of it is Toby, waking me as soon as the sky begins to lighten, and becoming more insistent until, some mornings, I just kick him out of my room, but even then, I would have slept far longer than I wanted to. Not any more! My body seems to know that I really don't want to sleep the day away, and if I go on for too long, I either get twinges in my knee or my head which are always improved by just getting up!
The only thing I can determine is that I love my new life so much that I don't want to spend too much of it sleeping! Even on the cruise, when I was staying out past 1 AM, I was up every morning by about 6:30! I did very little sitting around, and a lot of hanging with my friends, seeing shows, dancing, and even karaoke!
If this is what following my passion looks like, I really do wish I'd done it sooner, even knowing that I made the change at exactly the right time for me!
I've been getting a lot of signs from the Universe that some kind of partnership is in my near future, and the signs are getting more and more insistent. It isn't entirely clear whether the partnership will be romantic or business, but I do find myself more open to having someone in my life again. However, I am still trash talking myself in my mind on occasion. This morning, I found myself thinking "nobody would really want to see this body as it is right now", but this time, I immediately scolded myself for being mean to the most important person in my life! The truth is, someone who cares more about looks isn't the right person for me anyway. Sure, I could lose all of the weight I need to and get myself into near perfect shape, but if I'm doing it just to attract someone, and know that I'd have to remain very diligent in order to hold their interest, that would be a very shallow relationship.
Being happy with myself, no matter what, has been a long road. That doesn't mean I won't still make improvements, but it means that the improvements I make are for my benefit, not someone else's.
I also find that, unlike before, if I'm in the middle of a task, and see something that really needs to be taken care of, I'll just add it on and do it, whereas, a few months ago, I'd be more likely to say "Oh, I'll do it later!". And you all know how soon "later" comes!
However, I have yet to figure out how to avoid obsessing over things which are: 1. Not in my control and 2. Not really my concern.
I suppose that the best to avoid it is to just keep busy or do something physical (because of my knee, I'm giving myself another day off from the gym, but will be dancing for the next two nights). So, this is me, working on bills, taxes and my book today, to get my mind off the obsessions!
My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful for improved habits.
2. I am grateful to have lost the pound and a half I gained on the cruise just a day later.
3. I am grateful for the love and support of my family and friends as I continue on with my leap of faith.
4. I am grateful for my continued faith in the Universe to put the hows in place while I continue to focus on the end result.
5. I am grateful for my readers who really do make a difference in how much I write!
Love and light.
Monday, March 3, 2014
March 3, 2014 Back from the sea and ready to write!
Today's blog asks for audience participation. You can either share via Google's comments section in this blog, or via the link to Facebook I post with every blog. (you may also reply to me privately if you prefer to remain anonymous.)
The question is a two-parter, so here's part one:
Who do you go to for relationship or dating advice (and I think even the married or attached folks could answer this one, as, from my experience, we all have questions now and then!).
A. Someone who is in a happy relationship.
B. Someone who is a serial dater
C. One of your closest friends
D. Someone who hasn't dated or been in a relationship in a decade or more.
E. A stranger
Part 2. When you go to someone for advice or just as a sounding board, do you typically:
A. Talk to someone of your same gender
B. Talk to someone of the opposite gender from you.
A number of things have prompted these questions, and over the next couple of posts, depending on how many responses I get, I hope to discuss my observations on interpersonal interactions in the 21st century from my, admittedly, limited vantage point. Of course, if feedback is good, the perspective may be broader and, perhaps, more useful to others.
I know this topic may seem random to my regular readers, but as I am not known for limiting myself to either a single topic or even related topics within one blog post, it should come as no surprise that I pull something which is seemingly completely off the wall from my normal offerings.
As I really want to hear from you, my readers, I'm not going to complicate things with a lot more of my thoughts tonight. I look forward to hearing from you!
Love and light
The question is a two-parter, so here's part one:
Who do you go to for relationship or dating advice (and I think even the married or attached folks could answer this one, as, from my experience, we all have questions now and then!).
A. Someone who is in a happy relationship.
B. Someone who is a serial dater
C. One of your closest friends
D. Someone who hasn't dated or been in a relationship in a decade or more.
E. A stranger
Part 2. When you go to someone for advice or just as a sounding board, do you typically:
A. Talk to someone of your same gender
B. Talk to someone of the opposite gender from you.
A number of things have prompted these questions, and over the next couple of posts, depending on how many responses I get, I hope to discuss my observations on interpersonal interactions in the 21st century from my, admittedly, limited vantage point. Of course, if feedback is good, the perspective may be broader and, perhaps, more useful to others.
I know this topic may seem random to my regular readers, but as I am not known for limiting myself to either a single topic or even related topics within one blog post, it should come as no surprise that I pull something which is seemingly completely off the wall from my normal offerings.
As I really want to hear from you, my readers, I'm not going to complicate things with a lot more of my thoughts tonight. I look forward to hearing from you!
Love and light
March 2, 2014 Second and last full cruise day, and the frivolity continues.
Our last dinner has been eaten, the dessert dishes scraped
and our wait staff thanked for their extraordinary attentiveness. We've scattered throughout the ship, some to
watch a little comedy, some back to their rooms to relax or start packing, and
others just hanging at the various entertainment spots before we regroup for
the last show in the Paris Lounge. I
must say, this year's offerings were a tremendous improvement over last year's
and I am actually sitting in the lounge, an hour before the show, listening to
Oldies and sharing my thoughts for the day.
But I digress.
Today was interesting on a lot of levels. I woke early with my knee telling me in no
uncertain terms that the treatment it had received at my relentless hands
yesterday would now be returned to me...painfully. After dosing myself with Aleve, Turmeric and
various homeopathics, I made the very wise but sad choice to miss the early
dance session as well as forgoing a trip into Ensenada with the kids. This last turned out to be wiser than I'd
realized since road closures necessitated a walk back to the ship from town
which would likely have put a near end to my walking, much less my
dancing! As it was I spent a few minutes
with my knee in the jacuzzi, talking to my dance teacher, and found that the
heat did me more good than all of the ice I'd been applying. Although I danced most of the last, two hour
session, I chose the dances carefully, sat and stretched frequently, and, as a
result, am suffering only minimal pain tonight.
I have, however, left my dance shoes in the room and will do my best to
stay off of it for the remainder of the trip.
Stay tuned for tales of time spent in the karaoke room later
this evening, cheering my talented friends on!
(and no, I have not consumed enough alcohol to do more than sing along
from the sidelines!)
Instead of the morning dance session, I took myself to a
relatively quiet location outside of where the daily buffets are set up, and
got quite a bit of editing done on my book, although I ended up further editing
a couple of chapters which had already been subjected to my need to flesh out
what had been written. A couple of hours
in, I closed my ipad and wandered inside for a bowl of fruit and some juice. To my dismay, when I reopened my ipad, it refused
to respond! My first thought was that,
not only had I lost the morning's editorial work, but also the blog post I'd
written last night. Being at sea, I am
running in airplane mode so nothing is being saved to the cloud.
After speaking to my instructor's husband who is an IT whiz
by trade, I had hopes that I'd find my data when I connected the ipad to my
desktop upon returning home. But it was
my son-in-law who, after listening to the symptoms, saved my day! He suggested a hard boot which, in hindsight,
I'd had to do to my iphone before.
Following his instructions, I nearly did the happy dance on the beds in
our room when my screen, once again, lit up as it should! Thankfully, disasters I'd experienced many
years ago had taught me to frequently save my work so nothing had been lost!
So here I sit, typing away (and yes, saving frequently),
singing along with the canned music (currently My Guy), doing my best to share
this wonderful experience with anyone who cares to read my babbling (or as I
like to call it, ADHD run amok!).
This has been the most amazing trip! I feel like I've made some more new friends
this time around, while growing closer to others. I also recognize that, on some levels, I have
friends who connect with each other better than with me because of shared
outlooks and values. I totally respect
this and know that I'll connect with others better than they, for the same
reason. The diversity of our group is
what makes us interesting, fun and above all, an extraordinary cross section of
humanity! I know that when we return to our
normal environment, our increased closeness will be very apparent, and will
make what is already a warm, loving dance environment, that much more!
These are the people I laugh with, cry with, share with, and
love. We don't need the intimate details
of each others' lives, but are there to listen should someone need an ear. We listen, but don't pry, share but don't
dump, care but respect each others'
right to make their choices. I feel very
blessed to be part of this incredible group of people! I learn so much just by being included. Many of them have been so supportive of this
leap of faith I've taken, and through this blog, already form what I know will
be the core of my readership when my first book is published.
Their continued moral support is helping me to work through
the tough questions I'll need to answer as I develop the marketing plan for the
first of many published works which will fill the years between now and the
time this particular version of my human self rejoins my Divinity. The ride may be no less bumpy than it's been
up to now, but the rewards from finally following my dream will be
immeasurable.
I also see, as I talk to people about my leap of faith, that
I will, at some point, have the opportunity to show others that following your
passion can be done. For some, it may
require careful planning, while for
others, it may just require the same, crazy, wild, shut off the brain and leap,
gesture I took which led me to this place
where there are no certainties other than the fact that I truly am
living my passion, my dream, my true purpose.
The hundreds of thousands of words I've written over the
last five years have truly NOT fallen upon deaf ears. More people are finding my words online, and,
as time goes on, I'll learn how better to have them show up in searches (as I type this, the song, Ain't No Mountain
High Enough is playing and suddenly, it occurs to me that, although the song
talks about a woman's love for a man, could it not also apply to one's love for
their passion, their purpose?) Wow! There sure were a lot of songs dealing with
love, whether gained, lost or unrequited in the music of the 50's, 60's and
70's! I'm sure it's true of other eras,
but the ones which catch my attention the most are from the eras which were
such an integral part of my life as I was growing up. I suppose the era I'm now in will leave its
mark as well, since it is when I am, essentially, allowing myself to be reborn
into the person I chose this lifetime to become! But as I was saying to one of my new friends
today, even though it seems like it took a long time, and I might wish I could
have gotten here sooner, I know that the life experiences I've had were
essential to my reaching the point I've come to now, and will be even more
essential to my reaching whatever place it is that I will, ultimately reach as
a direct result of what I'm learning every second of every day.
The group is gathering for the show, so I'll put this aside
for now, to be completed once the evening's fun and frivolity finally drive me
back to my room to pack and sleep.
The show was hilarious, and made more so by the fact that one of our group alerted the cast to the fact that anyone in the three rows we occupied would be likely to play along with them, should we be chosen to be part of the show, so, of course, several of our group were, including our dance instructor who preened and posed in a huge circle of feathers they put on her!
After running upstairs to stow the iPad (and there's another story here, so hold on!), and pack for early debarkation on the morrow, I returned to the deck where everyone was playing. As I walked into the area where a band was playing, one friend said "come on, we're doing karaoke!". Just as I turned to follow, another said "come and dance with us!" When I told her I'd already agreed to join the karaoke-ers, she and her SO joined us. Little did I realize that my friend, Linda, would get me up on that stage, not once, but twice! Even worse, there were only a few of us in there when I got up to take the stage, focusing only on the words on the screen, and belting out "Why haven't I heard from you" by Reba, but when I finished, I found that she'd dragged half the group in! Oy! I hope for the sake of their ears that I didn't hit too many clunkers. Near the end of the evening, she dragged me on stage again to sing "Going to the Chapel". In this case, I'm hoping her beautiful, sweet voice sufficiently drowned out mine! But what a blast!!!! At least, in this case, I will never see most of those people again, and I have to admit, it was fun to just get up there and belt out a song! (shhhh, don't tell Linda or she might try to get me out for karaoke again!)
Looking around the room at all of my friends, feeling a seemingly endless amount of love, I realized that the group I hang with now is special in a way I hadn't realized. All of the women who are married or otherwise attached have found a man who loves and cherishes them as we should all be loved and cherished by our chosen life partners. (and this includes my daughter and son-in-law). In that moment, I realized that, although I am unattached myself, I have found the people who make my heart swell. The men greet me and other single friends with warm hugs, while their wives and girlfriends know that both their mate and we lucky recipients of those heartfelt hugs would never threaten their relationship in any way, but have the utmost respect for the people and the relationship! After years of having to walk on eggshells around so many insecure women and disloyal men (and a few in reverse situations), I am awed to find that what I truly believe a relationship should be is out there, and is out there in vast quantities. I had just been hanging with the wrong crowds for too long!
So, to all of my friends who exemplify the perfect relationship filled with love, respect and devotion, thank you for sharing the warmth of your love. You all help make the world a better place, and have boosted my faith in humanity in ways you may never know. But know this, I am incredibly grateful to all of you for showing me that these qualities still exist!
EGAD! I got so full of the love, I forgot I promised another story! I was in the elevator heading back to our cabin to stow the ipad and stuff. A man in the elevator asked me about wifi and I told him I wasn't using it to connect to the internet, but to write. He said to me "Are you an author?" I replied, "Not yet, unless you count my blog, but I have several things in progress which I plan to publish."
A few will understand the significance of this, so I'll just leave it at that!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my amazing, loving caring, devoted, (I'm at a loss for words here) friends! You are my inspiration!
2. I am grateful for a wonderful weekend of Line Dancing at Sea, to our instructor, her hubby and roadie, to the people who organized the trip, to my daughter for the great t-shirts and other members of the group for all of the little things they did to make this trip so special.
3. I am grateful to those who pulled me out of my comfort zone so often this weekend, and it wasn't even kicking and screaming!
4. I am grateful to be home with my cats, knowing that my world is multi-faceted, and a lot more interesting these days.
5. I am grateful for unconditional love.
Love and light
March 1, 2014 Sailing, Sailing (and rolling and sliding and otherwise losing my grip on any solid surface)
Well, here it is, nearly the end of our first full day of
Line Dancing at Sea. By all rights, I
should be sound asleep after being up from about 6:30 yesterday morning until
1:30 this morning, then back up around 6:30 for an hour at the gym (more on
that later) and 4 hours of dancing, or should I say, attempting to maintain at
least some grip on a floor which seemed to relocate beneath our feet at wildly
irregular intervals. If I don't come
back from this trip with buns of steel, I am going to want to know why! Line dancing on a solid surface is going to
seem like child's play after this trip!
Unlike our last trip when weather conditions were cool but calm this
trip was literally blown in by not one, but two large storms,. The resulting
choppiness on the sea has, thus far, been a unique and challenging experience.
But I promised to share the gym experience, and share it, I
will. Early this morning, I took myself
up to the gym which is located near the tippy top (and I do mean
"tippy") of the ship. Jumping
on an elliptical kind of machine (this one simulates cross country skiing), I
began my 20 minute warmup, doing my best to get a glimpse of the sea,
unobstructed by the oversized tv screen mounted on the front of the piece of
equipment. As I dutifully pedaled my
way to about a mile and a half while standing up, I watched a mere drizzle on
the windows suddenly turn to a deluge, followed by clearing and some attempts
by the sun to find its way out of the clouds.
But the view wasn't the only thing that was spectacular
about my trip to this floating gym in the sky.
Because the sea has been so rough, with swells the size of Mt. Saint
Helen's coming randomly and frequently, I found myself repeatedly slowing my steps and holding on
for dear life as one of those swells sent this enormous ship bucking and
rolling. Now I know how bull riders
feel! At least I wasn't one of the
hapless ones who opted for a run on the treadmill, only to find themselves
flung unceremoniously onto a machine 4 or 5 spaces over, much to the dismay of
the current occupant! From that point
forward, even the experienced runners had the good sense to make sure they had
a firm grip on their machine.
Today was leg day, and presented its own kind of challenges
because weights do not perform in the same manner on a rolling sea as they do
upon dry land. I cannot imagine
why! But then, as we worked on the new
dances our instructor, Candy, had worked endless hours to prepare for us, we
found, in the second session of the day, that it was all we could do to keep a
firm hold on the floor, much less navigate all of the intricate steps of the
advanced dance she was teaching in the second session. I, myself, got probably 3/4 through it when
my brain shut down from the double stimuli of learning a new dance, remaining
in an upright position and still actually performing the steps on the proper
counts.
The truth is, even dances I know like the back of my hand
presented unusual challenges today as the ship's refusal to cooperate with our
dance time necessitated extra steps to keep from falling, thus taking me out of
the prescribed sequence! Kudos go out to
my friend, Paul, who was able to nail the hardest dance of the day, unlike the
rest of us! We'll see how we all do
tomorrow, although, between the sticky floor at my usual club, the heavy leg
workout today, dancing last night and tonight in the clubs and the crazy day of
lessons and line dancing, my right knee is warning me that it can only be
expected to perform so much longer before going on strike!
Another aside here.
My friend, Karen (who, by the way, is another twin. She's a lovely brunette while her twin is
blonde, prompting me to think of them as Snow White and Rose Red.) asked if I
would be mentioning her in my blog post today, so Karen, this one's for you,
and thank you so much for continuing to read what comes out of my fingers day
after day. I swear, I have no control
over what might come out at any given time.
I'm simply the vehicle through which all of these seeming words of
wisdom flow. That's my story and I'm
stickin' to it!
I found myself starting to fret over one of my friends', in
my opinion, self destructive behavior today.
After trying to express my concerns to another friend, rather
unsuccessfully, I realized that it is not for me to worry about another person's
choices. If I care about her, all I can really do is send her loving energy and
trust that the choices she makes are the right ones for her. Clearly, the Universe sees that I still confuse
caring with worrying and is sending me another lesson, and loving friends, to
remind me yet again that we all need to make the choices which are most
appropriate for whatever stage of our life we're in, and regardless of how
those choices look to others, they are ours to make as we move along our own
path.
So this is me.
Resetting my inner compass back to caring and compassion, and away from
worry or a desire to interfere.
For now, the cramping in my right leg is telling me that I
need to do a little more self healing, aided by some homeopathics and turmeric,
so I will close with ny gratitudes.
1. I am grateful for a weekend spent with good friends,
doing what I love the best.
2. I am grateful for a body which is usually very
cooperative, but will not hesitate to tell me if I've overdone and need to stop
and rest.
3. I an grateful to my friends for presenting me with
reminders and new lessons on old, as yet unmastered topics.
4. I am grateful for the rocking of the ship which brings
peaceful slumber.
5. I am grateful for a day in dock which should make for a
more peaceful series of lessons.
Love and light
Thursday, February 27, 2014
February 27, 2014 More new beginnings?
As I sit here gazing at my computer screen, noting that, once again, the clock reads 11:11, I can't help wondering if there really is something to what people say about seeing lots of 1's. I've heard new beginnings, but I've also heard that it's an indication you're on the right track. Either way, as far as I'm concerned, it's good news!
For the last few months, those who have been following my babbles have seen that my life has become one, great, big evolution. In fact, I daresay I could be the next life evolution poster child, were such thing even in existence. I see change and I say "bring it on! I love roller coasters!" Well, maybe not quite that broadly. I don't want to give the Universe too many invitations to give me its infamous headslaps, now, do I?
But I am venturing out of my safe, little nest. I am meeting new people, trying new things, taking gigantic leaps of faith, and trusting that, no matter what it looks like at any particular moment, things will work out splendidly, if I just keep the faith and do my best to avoid negative thinking or talking.
Regrettably, tonight was not one of my better efforts. I spent a few minutes complaining and I am disappointed in myself, especially since it wasn't even over anything earth shakingly important! I berated myself on the drive home, especially since I subjected others to my bout of whining! This was clearly a not-so-subtle reminder that I still have a lot of work to do!
But what would life be without a lesson or two thrown in for our listening pleasure? We need to know that we're making progress, but have a long way to go before we achieve Divinity. And that's perfectly all right! If we went our merry way, never realizing that we had room for improvement, that would be another story. But recognizing that we aren't perfect, and seeing where we might make some improvement, however small, is tremendous! If we never recognized that something was broken, we wouldn't direct our efforts to fix it. However, if we see our own flaws, and look at them objectively, we can change, not only ourselves, but a small piece of the world as well!
As I see it, flaws are part of the Human Experience. We use those flaws to set our lessons and move ourselves along the evolutionary continuum towards connecting with our Divine Selves! OK, so mine is probably several galaxies to the left right now, but knowing she's there is enough to make me strive to be better. Right now, I need to remember to replace complaints with gratitude. I think that's enough to remember for right now!
And on that note, my gratitudes for tonight are:
1. I am grateful for friends who love me even when I'm not as much fun to be around.
2. I am grateful for lightheartedness and joy derived from even the smallest things.
3. I am grateful that I am not the kind of person who tries too hard to get someone to like me any more.
4. I am grateful that I have learned to love myself unconditionally, regardless of my flaws, or maybe because of them, because they make me who I am, and give me opportunities to be better.
5. I am grateful for the ability to seal my field and block negative energy. I'm learning that in so doing, it dies for lack of feeding.
Love and light.
For the last few months, those who have been following my babbles have seen that my life has become one, great, big evolution. In fact, I daresay I could be the next life evolution poster child, were such thing even in existence. I see change and I say "bring it on! I love roller coasters!" Well, maybe not quite that broadly. I don't want to give the Universe too many invitations to give me its infamous headslaps, now, do I?
But I am venturing out of my safe, little nest. I am meeting new people, trying new things, taking gigantic leaps of faith, and trusting that, no matter what it looks like at any particular moment, things will work out splendidly, if I just keep the faith and do my best to avoid negative thinking or talking.
Regrettably, tonight was not one of my better efforts. I spent a few minutes complaining and I am disappointed in myself, especially since it wasn't even over anything earth shakingly important! I berated myself on the drive home, especially since I subjected others to my bout of whining! This was clearly a not-so-subtle reminder that I still have a lot of work to do!
But what would life be without a lesson or two thrown in for our listening pleasure? We need to know that we're making progress, but have a long way to go before we achieve Divinity. And that's perfectly all right! If we went our merry way, never realizing that we had room for improvement, that would be another story. But recognizing that we aren't perfect, and seeing where we might make some improvement, however small, is tremendous! If we never recognized that something was broken, we wouldn't direct our efforts to fix it. However, if we see our own flaws, and look at them objectively, we can change, not only ourselves, but a small piece of the world as well!
As I see it, flaws are part of the Human Experience. We use those flaws to set our lessons and move ourselves along the evolutionary continuum towards connecting with our Divine Selves! OK, so mine is probably several galaxies to the left right now, but knowing she's there is enough to make me strive to be better. Right now, I need to remember to replace complaints with gratitude. I think that's enough to remember for right now!
And on that note, my gratitudes for tonight are:
1. I am grateful for friends who love me even when I'm not as much fun to be around.
2. I am grateful for lightheartedness and joy derived from even the smallest things.
3. I am grateful that I am not the kind of person who tries too hard to get someone to like me any more.
4. I am grateful that I have learned to love myself unconditionally, regardless of my flaws, or maybe because of them, because they make me who I am, and give me opportunities to be better.
5. I am grateful for the ability to seal my field and block negative energy. I'm learning that in so doing, it dies for lack of feeding.
Love and light.
February 26, 2014 Accepting the challenge
My daughter decided to put a monkey wrench in my plans by deciding against what we did last year; sharing my one big suitcase. Instead, she managed to squeeze enough clothes for both she and her husband into one, small suitcase. This left me with a dilemma. Do I take the giant suitcase, even though I would only really use about half of it, or do I take the challenge and get everything into my small roll on with the matching tote?
I'm here to tell you that I rose to the challenge and got all of my clothes and assorted sundries into the suitcase, leaving the tote free for my shoes! I even got a sweatshirt into the suitcase with all of the other clothes. I must say, I'm quite proud of myself.
Granted, my makeup, glasses, brush and contact lens paraphernalia still need to be fit in somewhere, along with a pair of dress shoes which have yet to be selected. But I have ample room in the tote, some room left in my suitcase, and a carry on bag as well. OK, so I pared things down to 1 pair of jeans, one pair of dress slacks and a pair of shorts for dancing this time. I probably packed the same number of tops as the dancing will get sweaty. I also limited the workout clothes to two shirts and one pair of shorts. (and this time, because of our very well established routine, they'll actually get used!)
What my daughter doesn't understand yet, is that while she was trained by my brother-in-law who preached minimalism when taking the kids camping, I was trained by my mother who took everything but the kitchen sink! I can't help it! I like to have choices! At least I stuck to two color schemes, thus limiting the accessories and other assorted necessities.
Even so, my girl friends will likely be more decked out than me. I go for the simple cotton shirts which breathe and pack fairly well. They tend to prefer dressing up, full makeup and matching jewels. But as long as we are all comfortable with ourselves, what does it matter? We plan on having a wonderful time, raising a little hell and dancing or butts off. What could be better?
Warning! Topic Change!
So I was sitting here, playing a game on my computer. Suddenly, the sounds of a wolf howl were emitting from my speakers. It startled me at first, but the real show was two of my cats. They were sitting on the desk when the howling started, and, with ears laid back, were looking around trying to figure out where that darned wolf was, and whether they needed to flee before it got any closer!
That was my giggle for the evening!
But back to the original discussion. (I know, that was an awfully short detour!) I have finally arrived at that point in my life where I dress to please myself without concern for what others might think. (ok, except when it comes to wearing a bathing suit in public! We all have our limits!) My daughter figured it out much earlier in life. She knows how to dress appropriately for various situations, and can really clean up well when she chooses, but when there isn't any particular requirement, she opts for comfort rather than style. She doesn't allow the opinions of others to alter her opinion about what looks good and feels comfortable. I give her a lot of credit, and have learned a great deal from her too.
The real lesson I've learned, though, is to not only withhold any unkind comments about someone else's choice of attire, but to halt even any unkind thoughts I might have. Instead, I will remind myself that if the person feels good about themselves, who am I to judge, or tell them differently? I certainly wouldn't appreciate negative opinions about my choices, so the best thing to do is give as I wish to receive.
In the process, I'm learning a new kind of respect for those who dress, act and carry themselves in ways which may not conform to popular opinion, but who also don't give a damn what the rest of the world might think. To all of them I say, "Stand up and be proud! You're setting a great example for the rest of us!"
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the opportunities I receive to learn more lessons.
2. I am grateful that I was able to rise to the challenge and pack more lightly,.
3. I am grateful for girlfriends who just love me as I am.
4. I am grateful for opportunities to cut loose, be a little wild and laugh a lot.
5. I am grateful for the very diverse community to which I belong.
Love and light.
I'm here to tell you that I rose to the challenge and got all of my clothes and assorted sundries into the suitcase, leaving the tote free for my shoes! I even got a sweatshirt into the suitcase with all of the other clothes. I must say, I'm quite proud of myself.
Granted, my makeup, glasses, brush and contact lens paraphernalia still need to be fit in somewhere, along with a pair of dress shoes which have yet to be selected. But I have ample room in the tote, some room left in my suitcase, and a carry on bag as well. OK, so I pared things down to 1 pair of jeans, one pair of dress slacks and a pair of shorts for dancing this time. I probably packed the same number of tops as the dancing will get sweaty. I also limited the workout clothes to two shirts and one pair of shorts. (and this time, because of our very well established routine, they'll actually get used!)
What my daughter doesn't understand yet, is that while she was trained by my brother-in-law who preached minimalism when taking the kids camping, I was trained by my mother who took everything but the kitchen sink! I can't help it! I like to have choices! At least I stuck to two color schemes, thus limiting the accessories and other assorted necessities.
Even so, my girl friends will likely be more decked out than me. I go for the simple cotton shirts which breathe and pack fairly well. They tend to prefer dressing up, full makeup and matching jewels. But as long as we are all comfortable with ourselves, what does it matter? We plan on having a wonderful time, raising a little hell and dancing or butts off. What could be better?
Warning! Topic Change!
So I was sitting here, playing a game on my computer. Suddenly, the sounds of a wolf howl were emitting from my speakers. It startled me at first, but the real show was two of my cats. They were sitting on the desk when the howling started, and, with ears laid back, were looking around trying to figure out where that darned wolf was, and whether they needed to flee before it got any closer!
That was my giggle for the evening!
But back to the original discussion. (I know, that was an awfully short detour!) I have finally arrived at that point in my life where I dress to please myself without concern for what others might think. (ok, except when it comes to wearing a bathing suit in public! We all have our limits!) My daughter figured it out much earlier in life. She knows how to dress appropriately for various situations, and can really clean up well when she chooses, but when there isn't any particular requirement, she opts for comfort rather than style. She doesn't allow the opinions of others to alter her opinion about what looks good and feels comfortable. I give her a lot of credit, and have learned a great deal from her too.
The real lesson I've learned, though, is to not only withhold any unkind comments about someone else's choice of attire, but to halt even any unkind thoughts I might have. Instead, I will remind myself that if the person feels good about themselves, who am I to judge, or tell them differently? I certainly wouldn't appreciate negative opinions about my choices, so the best thing to do is give as I wish to receive.
In the process, I'm learning a new kind of respect for those who dress, act and carry themselves in ways which may not conform to popular opinion, but who also don't give a damn what the rest of the world might think. To all of them I say, "Stand up and be proud! You're setting a great example for the rest of us!"
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the opportunities I receive to learn more lessons.
2. I am grateful that I was able to rise to the challenge and pack more lightly,.
3. I am grateful for girlfriends who just love me as I am.
4. I am grateful for opportunities to cut loose, be a little wild and laugh a lot.
5. I am grateful for the very diverse community to which I belong.
Love and light.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
February 25, 2014 Just another night with little to say
Looking at my blog page this evening, I don't really have much to share with you, but figured I would at least make an effort to impart something, be it wisdom, humor, or just random babbling.
While trolling through my brain, looking for a gem or two, it occurred to me that I'd completed a few of the tasks on my list today, despite the fact that I don't feel like I've really done that much. (11:11 on my computer clock!)
I seem to be taking a lot for granted these days, as I've established my routine of getting up by about 8, taking care of a few things, feeding the cats and doing chores without thinking about them.
Unlike most people, I really didn't have a daily regimen for those chores...until now. The bed, which used to stay rumpled for days is made up every morning, often while the kitties are eating so I don't have to fight with them to straighten the pillows. Their sandboxes are scooped regularly now (thank goodness!!!), and the kitchen is picked up before I go to bed, with cat dishes washed and waiting in the dish drainer. Laundry is done every week without fail (instead of waiting until I'm at underwear critical) and this week, I even took the shower curtain down and washed it! Even more bizarre is that the house gets vacuumed once a week! No more cat sized dust bunnies lurking in the corners!
These may seem like small things, even normal, everyday things to the average person. But I'm just not much of a housekeeper, so these are the things which will fall by the wayside while I read a book, or write, or play a game, or just about anything to get out of cleaning! I am the rebellious product of my uber neat, OCD mother. I am everything she was not, including the slovenly habits I developed over the years.
But being home most days has had an interesting effect on me. Sure, I'm still not scrubbing my floors on hands and knees every week, in fact, there are times when my kitchen floor just gets a "lick and a promise", but I don't allow clutter to accumulate any more, and I look at the fur on my sofa and think "I need to get the vacuum out and clean that off!". The blankets I keep on the couch are almost always folded neatly on the back of the sofa and love seat. The dining room table is usually clear. Dirty dishes are rarely found lurking in the living room or my office any more. I actually get annoyed with myself if I've left my detritus behind.
Oy vey! Am I becoming my mother??? Next thing you know, I'll be washing the walls! (and, between you and me, they really need it!) But no, my house has a long way to go before it reaches the level of neatness my mother expected, and I'm ok with that. But it no longer takes a week's worth of cleaning to make the place presentable! I guess I've found my own happy medium where dust may still accumulate for awhile, but eventually gets cleared, even though I know it will just accumulate again.
Something I've learned about keeping things cleared off is that my house actually stays neater with less effort. Why? Because there is less stuff laying around for the cats to knock down and carry off t parts unknown! I spend less time searching for missing objects, because, more often than not, they are where they belong! What a concept! It only took me mfmmph years to figure it out!
So here I sit, in my organized office with the only slightly messy desk, with plenty of room for the cats to sprawl while I work. I think everyone is happy with the new arrangement, even if it means short periods of disturbance, like bed making and vacuuming.
Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my girlfriends.
2. I am grateful for my furry kids who keep me company, give me comfort and make me feel needed.
3. I am grateful for the progress I'm making on the rewrite of my book.
4. I am grateful for good times to come with friends I'm slowly growing closer to, and new ones yet to be made.
5. I am grateful for abundance in health, prosperity, love and friendship.
Love and light.
While trolling through my brain, looking for a gem or two, it occurred to me that I'd completed a few of the tasks on my list today, despite the fact that I don't feel like I've really done that much. (11:11 on my computer clock!)
I seem to be taking a lot for granted these days, as I've established my routine of getting up by about 8, taking care of a few things, feeding the cats and doing chores without thinking about them.
Unlike most people, I really didn't have a daily regimen for those chores...until now. The bed, which used to stay rumpled for days is made up every morning, often while the kitties are eating so I don't have to fight with them to straighten the pillows. Their sandboxes are scooped regularly now (thank goodness!!!), and the kitchen is picked up before I go to bed, with cat dishes washed and waiting in the dish drainer. Laundry is done every week without fail (instead of waiting until I'm at underwear critical) and this week, I even took the shower curtain down and washed it! Even more bizarre is that the house gets vacuumed once a week! No more cat sized dust bunnies lurking in the corners!
These may seem like small things, even normal, everyday things to the average person. But I'm just not much of a housekeeper, so these are the things which will fall by the wayside while I read a book, or write, or play a game, or just about anything to get out of cleaning! I am the rebellious product of my uber neat, OCD mother. I am everything she was not, including the slovenly habits I developed over the years.
But being home most days has had an interesting effect on me. Sure, I'm still not scrubbing my floors on hands and knees every week, in fact, there are times when my kitchen floor just gets a "lick and a promise", but I don't allow clutter to accumulate any more, and I look at the fur on my sofa and think "I need to get the vacuum out and clean that off!". The blankets I keep on the couch are almost always folded neatly on the back of the sofa and love seat. The dining room table is usually clear. Dirty dishes are rarely found lurking in the living room or my office any more. I actually get annoyed with myself if I've left my detritus behind.
Oy vey! Am I becoming my mother??? Next thing you know, I'll be washing the walls! (and, between you and me, they really need it!) But no, my house has a long way to go before it reaches the level of neatness my mother expected, and I'm ok with that. But it no longer takes a week's worth of cleaning to make the place presentable! I guess I've found my own happy medium where dust may still accumulate for awhile, but eventually gets cleared, even though I know it will just accumulate again.
Something I've learned about keeping things cleared off is that my house actually stays neater with less effort. Why? Because there is less stuff laying around for the cats to knock down and carry off t parts unknown! I spend less time searching for missing objects, because, more often than not, they are where they belong! What a concept! It only took me mfmmph years to figure it out!
So here I sit, in my organized office with the only slightly messy desk, with plenty of room for the cats to sprawl while I work. I think everyone is happy with the new arrangement, even if it means short periods of disturbance, like bed making and vacuuming.
Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my girlfriends.
2. I am grateful for my furry kids who keep me company, give me comfort and make me feel needed.
3. I am grateful for the progress I'm making on the rewrite of my book.
4. I am grateful for good times to come with friends I'm slowly growing closer to, and new ones yet to be made.
5. I am grateful for abundance in health, prosperity, love and friendship.
Love and light.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
February 23, 2014 Lacking motivation, yet still getting things done
Today was one of those days when nothing got done. I got up just a little later than normal, but have just not been able to motivate myself to do anything more strenuous, either mentally or physically, than reading a book.
To add to the confusion, someone sent me a beautiful vase of white roses, spider mums and snapdragons, with a card that read "shhhh, don't tell!" Making the mystery even more, well, mysterious is the fact that they were delivered, but they (at least from my time spent hanging around a friend's flower shop) did not come from a florist. Why do I say that? There is no bow, no tape on the top of the vase and no filler or greens. I've yet to see a florist put a vase of flowers together without at least some greenery to fill up the vase. But frankly, this arrangement is simply gorgeous in its simplicity!
So I didn't get sandboxes scooped or editing done. But some habits have been deeply ingrained since my life changing experience. The bed (no thanks to the cats) still got made this morning, my contacts are in and I'm wearing clothes as opposed to pajamas.
* * *
I think I'm becoming someone else. After typing that I got nothing done, I had a sudden urge to dump the sandboxes and clean the bathroom floors! <sigh> Oh, well. Cats are happy and it's one less thing for me to do tomorrow!
The mystery of the flowers has yet to be solved. We're vacillating between someone I'd least expect (and as they're white and were delivered, that rules Heather out. She'd have brought them to me herself, and they'd be brightly colored), or it's someone checking to see if I'm home (this one is rather creepy). But wherever they came from, I will simply enjoy them while they last!
Still, I'm unable to get through a day without accomplishing at least the basics, so the kitchen is cleaned up, the cats' bowls ready for tomorrow's feeding, only an emptying of trash receptacles and a day's worth of scooping to be done for the Tuesday trash pickup, and I did get some reading done which may or may not help my book. I also chatted with my daughter for awhile and maybe we cleared the air. I know she's stressed about a number of things, and sometimes, she and I just need a little space. We decided to do our workouts separately this week just to give ourselves that space. Even people who are close can irritate each other now and then, and since neither of us is the quietest, calmest person in the world to begin with, we tend to need a time out from each other now and again, just to regain perspective.
I also had some weird, out of character visions of my daughter, Jenni, during my meditation, so all in all, it was an odd kind of day.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for understanding my own needs.
2. I am grateful for days which seem unproductive, but in reality, serve a higher purpose.
3. I am grateful for my days of solitude.
4. I am grateful for new beginnings.
5. I am grateful for abundance, balance and prosperity.
Love and light
To add to the confusion, someone sent me a beautiful vase of white roses, spider mums and snapdragons, with a card that read "shhhh, don't tell!" Making the mystery even more, well, mysterious is the fact that they were delivered, but they (at least from my time spent hanging around a friend's flower shop) did not come from a florist. Why do I say that? There is no bow, no tape on the top of the vase and no filler or greens. I've yet to see a florist put a vase of flowers together without at least some greenery to fill up the vase. But frankly, this arrangement is simply gorgeous in its simplicity!
So I didn't get sandboxes scooped or editing done. But some habits have been deeply ingrained since my life changing experience. The bed (no thanks to the cats) still got made this morning, my contacts are in and I'm wearing clothes as opposed to pajamas.
* * *
I think I'm becoming someone else. After typing that I got nothing done, I had a sudden urge to dump the sandboxes and clean the bathroom floors! <sigh> Oh, well. Cats are happy and it's one less thing for me to do tomorrow!
The mystery of the flowers has yet to be solved. We're vacillating between someone I'd least expect (and as they're white and were delivered, that rules Heather out. She'd have brought them to me herself, and they'd be brightly colored), or it's someone checking to see if I'm home (this one is rather creepy). But wherever they came from, I will simply enjoy them while they last!
Still, I'm unable to get through a day without accomplishing at least the basics, so the kitchen is cleaned up, the cats' bowls ready for tomorrow's feeding, only an emptying of trash receptacles and a day's worth of scooping to be done for the Tuesday trash pickup, and I did get some reading done which may or may not help my book. I also chatted with my daughter for awhile and maybe we cleared the air. I know she's stressed about a number of things, and sometimes, she and I just need a little space. We decided to do our workouts separately this week just to give ourselves that space. Even people who are close can irritate each other now and then, and since neither of us is the quietest, calmest person in the world to begin with, we tend to need a time out from each other now and again, just to regain perspective.
I also had some weird, out of character visions of my daughter, Jenni, during my meditation, so all in all, it was an odd kind of day.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for understanding my own needs.
2. I am grateful for days which seem unproductive, but in reality, serve a higher purpose.
3. I am grateful for my days of solitude.
4. I am grateful for new beginnings.
5. I am grateful for abundance, balance and prosperity.
Love and light
Friday, February 21, 2014
February 21, 2014 Slogging along!
Today was another morning when I was jolted awake in the wee hours before dawn by another headache which NORMALLY alerts me to a weather change, but this time, it was a false alarm! Meanwhile, my Friday gym visit had to be moved to Saturday as I couldn't see me trying to do the balancing stuff on the half ball with my head in a spin.
No worries, as it happened. I spent the better part of the day editing, and boy, was I on target when I said it was going to be a slow process! I'm 57 pages and 12 chapters into the thing, after many hours of work this week. I've added another 3,000 words so far, but knew that would be part of the process. The initial draft was, in some places, little more than an outline and needed some serious fleshing out! I currently have another 202 pages to go through, so if the number cruncher in me wants to quantify, I'm about 1/5 of the way through the rewrite.
Granted, this week was unusual as I put the whole week aside (barring gym visits, vet visits and other interruptions and procrastinations) just for editing. But if I could get this much done every week, I'd have the first pass of editing done by the end of March.
Sadly, I have other things which need to be done in that same space of time, like client work, homework, meetings with my teacher and classmate, so I will be seven shades of thrilled if I can finish by then!
I also need to come up with a real title, figure out how to get some cover art, answer some really tough questions from my marketing guru, and talk to a man (or woman) about a website.
Easy peasy, right? I have to tell ya, this writing stuff is starting to feel a lot like work! The only time I just ride the wave of creativity is when I'm writing or editing. All of the other stuff, though very necessary if I want more than 5 people to read my book, feels like that three letter word I left behind me (whispering so the fates can't hear me...you know...the J O B!)
However, I have brought in an expert to keep me going in the right direction, and without an equal amount of marketing effort, the accounting has slowed down for the moment (though I may have to put some effort into marketing that, too, if my suspicions that something is about to break loose...well, never mind. I'm not even going to go there right now. The Universe is expecting me to allow it to do its job, so who am I to fret, worry or question the hows? The book is my focus, and I have been given some time to keep that focus. Because I don't know how much time I'm being given before my world, once again, is blown to kingdom come, I had best use my time wisely.
And using it wisely means that I must edit at least 50 or 60 pages a week! Now that I don't punch a clock, my weeks have a full seven days. Sure, I don't necessarily work on my book for 8 hours a day, but there have been, and will be again, days when I work for a lot longer than 8 hours. I got on a pretty good roll today, and worked two shifts of about 3 hours each. Doing that every day would see amazing progress, don't you think?
Through it all, I also need to make time to participate in some read and critiques, but I really wanted to bring edited pages, not draft pages. Now, I can do that. Like anything else, it's all a matter of steps. One thing has to be finished before some other things can start. Meanwhile, we can perform some steps concurrently. (like editing and getting the marketing stuff rolling, for instance)
I've also learned (and each day is a learning experience now!), that I really do need to keep at least one of my blogs up too. It won't be long before this, or one like it, will become the forum for my book, so I need to start building readership. Yet another lesson to be learned! Who says you can't teach an old dog???
Needless to say, rather than running out of words because I'm using so many, I seem to be running off at the...um..fingers with a plethora of words, in the many avenues I am currently traveling.
I am, therefore, doing my best to keep things from running into next Tuesday by making a concerted effort to turn off the flow of words before it truly does become a tower of babble!!!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that the editing process is proceeding, albeit slowly, to the point where I can seek some constructive criticism, while putting my ego and motherly instincts into the closet during the process.
2. I am grateful for the help that is there for the seeking as I move into uncharted territory.
3. I am grateful for long, peaceful, uninterrupted days (with a little help from the "Do Not Disturb" sign on my front door.
4. I am grateful for increased energy, improving health and fitness levels and a brain that keeps on ticking.
5. I am grateful for my furry assistants who participate in everything from waking me up somewhat early in the morning, to hanging nearby while I edit, to helping me meditate. I couldn't do it without them!
Love and light
No worries, as it happened. I spent the better part of the day editing, and boy, was I on target when I said it was going to be a slow process! I'm 57 pages and 12 chapters into the thing, after many hours of work this week. I've added another 3,000 words so far, but knew that would be part of the process. The initial draft was, in some places, little more than an outline and needed some serious fleshing out! I currently have another 202 pages to go through, so if the number cruncher in me wants to quantify, I'm about 1/5 of the way through the rewrite.
Granted, this week was unusual as I put the whole week aside (barring gym visits, vet visits and other interruptions and procrastinations) just for editing. But if I could get this much done every week, I'd have the first pass of editing done by the end of March.
Sadly, I have other things which need to be done in that same space of time, like client work, homework, meetings with my teacher and classmate, so I will be seven shades of thrilled if I can finish by then!
I also need to come up with a real title, figure out how to get some cover art, answer some really tough questions from my marketing guru, and talk to a man (or woman) about a website.
Easy peasy, right? I have to tell ya, this writing stuff is starting to feel a lot like work! The only time I just ride the wave of creativity is when I'm writing or editing. All of the other stuff, though very necessary if I want more than 5 people to read my book, feels like that three letter word I left behind me (whispering so the fates can't hear me...you know...the J O B!)
However, I have brought in an expert to keep me going in the right direction, and without an equal amount of marketing effort, the accounting has slowed down for the moment (though I may have to put some effort into marketing that, too, if my suspicions that something is about to break loose...well, never mind. I'm not even going to go there right now. The Universe is expecting me to allow it to do its job, so who am I to fret, worry or question the hows? The book is my focus, and I have been given some time to keep that focus. Because I don't know how much time I'm being given before my world, once again, is blown to kingdom come, I had best use my time wisely.
And using it wisely means that I must edit at least 50 or 60 pages a week! Now that I don't punch a clock, my weeks have a full seven days. Sure, I don't necessarily work on my book for 8 hours a day, but there have been, and will be again, days when I work for a lot longer than 8 hours. I got on a pretty good roll today, and worked two shifts of about 3 hours each. Doing that every day would see amazing progress, don't you think?
Through it all, I also need to make time to participate in some read and critiques, but I really wanted to bring edited pages, not draft pages. Now, I can do that. Like anything else, it's all a matter of steps. One thing has to be finished before some other things can start. Meanwhile, we can perform some steps concurrently. (like editing and getting the marketing stuff rolling, for instance)
I've also learned (and each day is a learning experience now!), that I really do need to keep at least one of my blogs up too. It won't be long before this, or one like it, will become the forum for my book, so I need to start building readership. Yet another lesson to be learned! Who says you can't teach an old dog???
Needless to say, rather than running out of words because I'm using so many, I seem to be running off at the...um..fingers with a plethora of words, in the many avenues I am currently traveling.
I am, therefore, doing my best to keep things from running into next Tuesday by making a concerted effort to turn off the flow of words before it truly does become a tower of babble!!!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that the editing process is proceeding, albeit slowly, to the point where I can seek some constructive criticism, while putting my ego and motherly instincts into the closet during the process.
2. I am grateful for the help that is there for the seeking as I move into uncharted territory.
3. I am grateful for long, peaceful, uninterrupted days (with a little help from the "Do Not Disturb" sign on my front door.
4. I am grateful for increased energy, improving health and fitness levels and a brain that keeps on ticking.
5. I am grateful for my furry assistants who participate in everything from waking me up somewhat early in the morning, to hanging nearby while I edit, to helping me meditate. I couldn't do it without them!
Love and light
Thursday, February 20, 2014
February 20, 2014 Windy days and empathic tendencies
I may have narrowed down the reasons behind last night's mood swings.
I noticed, today, that my empathic nature seems to be heightened for some reason, prompting me to strengthen the seal on my energy field. But even more likely to make me twitchy is the fact that the winds this town is known for have returned with a vengeance.
Unfortunately for me and Scooby, this was the day I'd set to take him to the vet. Now, he keeps running in, touching base with me, then taking off again. The winds and the trip in the car are not making for a very peaceful boy today! But to be honest, I'm not sure if his mood is rubbing off on me, or vice versa! Maybe a little of both.
Trying to meditate today was a real challenge. Every little noise distracted me. Snoopy/Snowball was being especially naughty. My mind kept drifting from past history to things I needed to do. I was finally able to get a few minutes in by just focusing on moving my energy around. But it was hardly what I needed today.
Have you ever had one of those days where nothing you ate seemed to satisfy (or, like me, turned your stomach into a rumbling mass of annoyance!), nothing you tried to do held your attention, but yet, there was nothing you really wanted to do? That's me, today! I can only hope that tonight's dancing will, somehow, settle me down! It's almost like that anticipation feeling. You know something exciting is about to happen, but you also know that you have to wait for the proper time, but you're just not happy about the waiting part. I used to call it the Disneyland syndrome, as it was a feeling that occurred in the day or days preceding a Disneyland trip.
It's even affecting my eating! This morning, it took me over an hour and a half to eat one, 5.3 ounce carton of yogurt. This afternoon, I was eating everything in sight, managing to squeeze 90% of the day's calories into a 2 hour period of time. I was planning to make a smoothie for dinner, but by the time I needed to do it before going dancing, all I wanted was....you guessed it! A 5.3 ounce carton of yogurt! <sigh>
A marvelous night of dancing, hanging with friends who are getting excited about the upcoming cruise and watching the girls flirt with the new guy all had the desired affect! I'm still feeling like my nerve endings are exposed, but had plenty of practice sealing my field tonight, so it's all good. Nothing like a good, physical workout to make you just want to sleep!
My gratitudes are probably going to be pretty obvious tonight:
1. I am grateful for the ability to work out physically to overcome my emotional vulnerabilities.
2. I am grateful for my dance friends who never fail to lift my mood, even when I didn't know it needed lifting.
3. I am grateful for getting to know more of the dance people better.
4. I am grateful for the wonderful night's sleep I have to look forward to tonight.
5. I am grateful for the unconditional love of my cats who are there whenever I need them (often, with one snoring and muttering on my desk while I work!)
Love and light
I noticed, today, that my empathic nature seems to be heightened for some reason, prompting me to strengthen the seal on my energy field. But even more likely to make me twitchy is the fact that the winds this town is known for have returned with a vengeance.
Unfortunately for me and Scooby, this was the day I'd set to take him to the vet. Now, he keeps running in, touching base with me, then taking off again. The winds and the trip in the car are not making for a very peaceful boy today! But to be honest, I'm not sure if his mood is rubbing off on me, or vice versa! Maybe a little of both.
Trying to meditate today was a real challenge. Every little noise distracted me. Snoopy/Snowball was being especially naughty. My mind kept drifting from past history to things I needed to do. I was finally able to get a few minutes in by just focusing on moving my energy around. But it was hardly what I needed today.
Have you ever had one of those days where nothing you ate seemed to satisfy (or, like me, turned your stomach into a rumbling mass of annoyance!), nothing you tried to do held your attention, but yet, there was nothing you really wanted to do? That's me, today! I can only hope that tonight's dancing will, somehow, settle me down! It's almost like that anticipation feeling. You know something exciting is about to happen, but you also know that you have to wait for the proper time, but you're just not happy about the waiting part. I used to call it the Disneyland syndrome, as it was a feeling that occurred in the day or days preceding a Disneyland trip.
It's even affecting my eating! This morning, it took me over an hour and a half to eat one, 5.3 ounce carton of yogurt. This afternoon, I was eating everything in sight, managing to squeeze 90% of the day's calories into a 2 hour period of time. I was planning to make a smoothie for dinner, but by the time I needed to do it before going dancing, all I wanted was....you guessed it! A 5.3 ounce carton of yogurt! <sigh>
A marvelous night of dancing, hanging with friends who are getting excited about the upcoming cruise and watching the girls flirt with the new guy all had the desired affect! I'm still feeling like my nerve endings are exposed, but had plenty of practice sealing my field tonight, so it's all good. Nothing like a good, physical workout to make you just want to sleep!
My gratitudes are probably going to be pretty obvious tonight:
1. I am grateful for the ability to work out physically to overcome my emotional vulnerabilities.
2. I am grateful for my dance friends who never fail to lift my mood, even when I didn't know it needed lifting.
3. I am grateful for getting to know more of the dance people better.
4. I am grateful for the wonderful night's sleep I have to look forward to tonight.
5. I am grateful for the unconditional love of my cats who are there whenever I need them (often, with one snoring and muttering on my desk while I work!)
Love and light
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
February 19, 2014 Mood swings...not for those with motion sickness
Had another lovely night of dancing and chatting with friends tonight. I'm doing my best to get out to at least my normal three nights, in hopes of counteracting my natural, hermit tendencies which the editing process seems to be exacerbating. I particularly enjoy the Wednesday night two step lessons because the music isn't so loud and I actually get a chance to chat with people I'd otherwise never really get to know.
A lot of my dance friends seem to share my ADHD so the topic changes quickly from one seemingly unrelated subject to another, but as we're all keeping up, it only matters if someone wants to listen in, and is not similarly talented! One quite nice gentleman joined us at one point, apologizing profusely for interrupting what he assumed was just girl talk. When we assured him that he was welcome, he proceeded to monopolize the conversation for a few minutes, until we broke off into our own, side conversations, or got up to dance. I guess he never learned to share the talking stick. It doesn't mean that he isn't charming. He just likes a little extra attention. I think we all do, now and then. And why not from 4 reasonably good looking women who also happen to have quick minds and love to dance?
But I digress. I spent a fair part of the evening just chatting with several people. Shortly before I left, I felt a weird shift and suddenly, something felt just a little off. I couldn't tell you what it was or that it was anybody's influence. I just knew it was time for me to get out of there. As soon as I got outside, I was fine, so it was definitely something inside the building.
Whatever it was, I suddenly just didn't want to be there any more. Not the "get out of here fast because something bad is coming" kind of feeling. More like an "I'm done here and I really need to be somewhere else, even though I don't have anything particular I need to do" kind of feeling.
Sitting here now, I'm still puzzled as to how or why the feeling came on so suddenly. As I said, I didn't notice that anything in particular changed, other than people coming and going.
Now that I'm fortified with a small container of flan and a few dried apricots, the feeling has settled into the pit of my stomach. Clearly, it was more than the place. Something, somewhere in my world is tilted a bit and is giving me a slight feeling of vertigo.
But the kitties all came running when I rattled the apricot bag, thinking they were getting treats, so I know that part of my world is still intact! Toby even sniffed the bag as if to say "I don't believe you! I think those really are treats, and you just don't want to share!" I'm sure they believe that I secretly horde their treats so I can munch on them while they sleep! I have one word for that idea! EWWWW!
The smell of the incense I've been burning the last couple of days permeates my office, though not in a bad way. (and no, I have not been indulging in illegal substances. I just like a little candles and incense with my editing!) I'm surprised that it lingers as strongly as it does since I had the window open for awhile today. Strangely, I only smell it when I'm in this room and as it has a linoleum floor, it isn't getting into any carpet, and the window has wooden mini blinds, so there are no draperies to hold the smell either. Curious.
I fear I've jumped around more than usual tonight, so, before I drive my readers mad with my randomness, I'll leave you with tonight's gratitudes:
1. I am grateful for excuses to get out of the house and amongst other humans with a common interest.
2. I am grateful for the attentiveness of my cats, despite the fact that I'm home most of the time now.
3. I am grateful for the intelligent, yet easy conversations I get to have with my dance friends.
4. I am grateful for increasing stamina and strength as a result of my regular gym visits.
5. I am grateful for a quiet, empty (or at least void of other humans) house to knock around in. Yes, I value my privacy and my solitude, perhaps more than the average person.)
Love and light
A lot of my dance friends seem to share my ADHD so the topic changes quickly from one seemingly unrelated subject to another, but as we're all keeping up, it only matters if someone wants to listen in, and is not similarly talented! One quite nice gentleman joined us at one point, apologizing profusely for interrupting what he assumed was just girl talk. When we assured him that he was welcome, he proceeded to monopolize the conversation for a few minutes, until we broke off into our own, side conversations, or got up to dance. I guess he never learned to share the talking stick. It doesn't mean that he isn't charming. He just likes a little extra attention. I think we all do, now and then. And why not from 4 reasonably good looking women who also happen to have quick minds and love to dance?
But I digress. I spent a fair part of the evening just chatting with several people. Shortly before I left, I felt a weird shift and suddenly, something felt just a little off. I couldn't tell you what it was or that it was anybody's influence. I just knew it was time for me to get out of there. As soon as I got outside, I was fine, so it was definitely something inside the building.
Whatever it was, I suddenly just didn't want to be there any more. Not the "get out of here fast because something bad is coming" kind of feeling. More like an "I'm done here and I really need to be somewhere else, even though I don't have anything particular I need to do" kind of feeling.
Sitting here now, I'm still puzzled as to how or why the feeling came on so suddenly. As I said, I didn't notice that anything in particular changed, other than people coming and going.
Now that I'm fortified with a small container of flan and a few dried apricots, the feeling has settled into the pit of my stomach. Clearly, it was more than the place. Something, somewhere in my world is tilted a bit and is giving me a slight feeling of vertigo.
But the kitties all came running when I rattled the apricot bag, thinking they were getting treats, so I know that part of my world is still intact! Toby even sniffed the bag as if to say "I don't believe you! I think those really are treats, and you just don't want to share!" I'm sure they believe that I secretly horde their treats so I can munch on them while they sleep! I have one word for that idea! EWWWW!
The smell of the incense I've been burning the last couple of days permeates my office, though not in a bad way. (and no, I have not been indulging in illegal substances. I just like a little candles and incense with my editing!) I'm surprised that it lingers as strongly as it does since I had the window open for awhile today. Strangely, I only smell it when I'm in this room and as it has a linoleum floor, it isn't getting into any carpet, and the window has wooden mini blinds, so there are no draperies to hold the smell either. Curious.
I fear I've jumped around more than usual tonight, so, before I drive my readers mad with my randomness, I'll leave you with tonight's gratitudes:
1. I am grateful for excuses to get out of the house and amongst other humans with a common interest.
2. I am grateful for the attentiveness of my cats, despite the fact that I'm home most of the time now.
3. I am grateful for the intelligent, yet easy conversations I get to have with my dance friends.
4. I am grateful for increasing stamina and strength as a result of my regular gym visits.
5. I am grateful for a quiet, empty (or at least void of other humans) house to knock around in. Yes, I value my privacy and my solitude, perhaps more than the average person.)
Love and light
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