Over the last couple of weeks, since wedding frenzy ended, I've told myself I should resume my decluttering in preparation for the changes I know are still coming, but knee pain and, let's face it, laziness, won out! But today, after dragging my butt for a couple more hours than I should have, I actually succumbed to the need to clear my space, as it were. Thus, I sit here at 3:00 PM with a clean kitchen (except for the floor which will be part of a mass floor blitzkrieg once all rooms are cleared!), resting my knee before beginning an onslaught on the living room.
The cats are looking at me like I've lost another pound of marbles, but have finally gotten the idea and are staying out from under my feet. I'm even resisting my usual urge to work on another room when I put things in their proper place. It was a struggle at first, especially when I got to the storage room in the garage. OK, so I rearranged a little, but I needed to get some printer paper, and there were a couple of things which, when rearranged, made it easier to get to other things I needed, like, for example, my weights!
...several hours later...
Didn't get to the living room today, but I plan on starting earlier tomorrow. I had to save my strength (and my knees) for a truly amazing night of dancing, chatting and best of all, laughing. It was a wonderful, energy filled night with my dance friends. The atmosphere was especially festive despite the fact that it was quite warm and we were all oozing body fluids profusely. ( I know that sounds nasty, but it's what my fingers wanted to type! Sweat just wasn't graphic enough!) So endorphins are happy, knee is pretty happy, and best of all, I'm ecstatic! Dancing and socializing with people who see the world as I do, that without our dance nights, life is just dull and dreary! Seriously, no matter how bad a day might have been, you walk through that door, put your dance shoes on, and the rest doesn't matter. You get into a better frame of mind and you can handle whatever life dishes out. Dancing equals bucket loads of positive energy and with positive energy, we are unstoppable!
Sure those pesky negative thoughts may try to sneak in, but like roaches and Raid, the positive energy body slams the negative thoughts into oblivion! They do not like the rarified air that positive energy creates. When we breathe it in, our whole body smiles, and our face just glows with all of that greatness. I think that if I danced for an hour before tackling any project, I would complete it faster, easier and better for the endorphin rush. I may have to give that a try before I start cleaning again tomorrow! It might make me get the living room, bedroom and office done, plus the floor scrubbing!! Then I'll have all day Monday to be lazy or crazy, as I see fit! Maybe all of the above!!!
Love and light!
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Friday, August 31, 2012
August 31, 2012 (Blue Moon) A Blog a day keeps the doctor away!
Some folks say that a wish made on the Blue Moon will manifest itself in the months to come. But when is a wish not a wish?
I believe that wishes are really intentions that we're not quite ready to commit to, so we word them as a wish, a desire, a hope instead of something more solid like an intention. But in order to make something manifest, we have to commit to it. A wish is like saying "oh, I'd like chocolate ice cream but if a bowl of jello is the best I can hope for, I'll be happy with that too." To heck with that, I say! Give me the double chocolate fudge ice cream with raspberry swirls, and I'll take a creme brulee too! I'm telling that big, blue moon up there that with him or without him, I will make my dreams come true! (of course, a little help is never something I'd turn away!)
So, Mr. Blue Moon, here it is. My intentions for this year are to get back on track with that book of mine which has been waiting too long to come out of me and into the sunlight, to continue improving my health and well-being, mind, body and spirit, to achieve the independence I desire and to live my life abundantly.
On the topic of independence, I am truly amazed at the "opportunities" which find their way into my email these days. The latest in a long series of them tells me that in 4 easy (and free) lessons, I, too, can become a life coach and charge people for monthly phone consultations which will net me 6 figures a year because the demand for life coaches is so great now, and there are only about 20,000 in the world today! The 4 videos will teach me everything I need to know to not only become a life coach, but to market myself and find clients willing to pay between $250 and $1500 a month for phone consultations with me. Of course, the fine print tells you that if you don't get everything from the free videos, you're welcome to sign up for their extra special course, which is, of course, not free! It reminds me of the fellow selling his book which teaches you how to make a million dollars, and he only wants $30 for it! The lesson he teaches could be summed up in a couple of sentences. There's a sucker born every minute, and a fool and his money are soon parted. the question is, do I want to contribute to someone else's next million? Am I the fool to be parted from my hard earned coin? Do these get rich quick from the comfort of your own home schemes really sound believable to me?
I'll bet the psychotherapists are plotzing over people like this who essentially claim (in very poor grammar) that they can replace therapists because most people going to therapists are not mentally ill! As a numbers person, I would love to see where they get their data! Anyone can make a nifty little speech claiming that you can make $100K a year just by calling a few people on the phone every month and helping them achieve their goals. But I want hard facts to prove this claim. Show me real people who are part of the "20,000 life coaches world wide". And where did the 20,000 come from? Sure, it sounds good on paper, especially when compared to the millions of attorneys, and heaven knows, more people need life coaches than attorneys, right? With unemployment high, I can really see people saying "oh, honey, we don't need to eat this month. I need to pay my life coach! You'll see, though. It'll pay off a thousand times when I'm making that 6 figure income from the comfort of my sofa!"
But I have no problem listening to the free webinars from the people who claim to have made millions from coaching, book sales and the like. If their claims are true, I'm sure to glean a few tidbits from what they're willing to offer to me free of charge, or, failing that, I get a little more material for my own writing efforts.
So stay tuned to this page for my rants which may range from "life coaching" to "manifesting your soulmate" to "writing a best seller". I've discovered that for any intention I might set for myself, there's someone out there willing to sell me a fool proof way to get there. But who really is the fool?
Not just anybody's fool!
Love and light
I believe that wishes are really intentions that we're not quite ready to commit to, so we word them as a wish, a desire, a hope instead of something more solid like an intention. But in order to make something manifest, we have to commit to it. A wish is like saying "oh, I'd like chocolate ice cream but if a bowl of jello is the best I can hope for, I'll be happy with that too." To heck with that, I say! Give me the double chocolate fudge ice cream with raspberry swirls, and I'll take a creme brulee too! I'm telling that big, blue moon up there that with him or without him, I will make my dreams come true! (of course, a little help is never something I'd turn away!)
So, Mr. Blue Moon, here it is. My intentions for this year are to get back on track with that book of mine which has been waiting too long to come out of me and into the sunlight, to continue improving my health and well-being, mind, body and spirit, to achieve the independence I desire and to live my life abundantly.
On the topic of independence, I am truly amazed at the "opportunities" which find their way into my email these days. The latest in a long series of them tells me that in 4 easy (and free) lessons, I, too, can become a life coach and charge people for monthly phone consultations which will net me 6 figures a year because the demand for life coaches is so great now, and there are only about 20,000 in the world today! The 4 videos will teach me everything I need to know to not only become a life coach, but to market myself and find clients willing to pay between $250 and $1500 a month for phone consultations with me. Of course, the fine print tells you that if you don't get everything from the free videos, you're welcome to sign up for their extra special course, which is, of course, not free! It reminds me of the fellow selling his book which teaches you how to make a million dollars, and he only wants $30 for it! The lesson he teaches could be summed up in a couple of sentences. There's a sucker born every minute, and a fool and his money are soon parted. the question is, do I want to contribute to someone else's next million? Am I the fool to be parted from my hard earned coin? Do these get rich quick from the comfort of your own home schemes really sound believable to me?
I'll bet the psychotherapists are plotzing over people like this who essentially claim (in very poor grammar) that they can replace therapists because most people going to therapists are not mentally ill! As a numbers person, I would love to see where they get their data! Anyone can make a nifty little speech claiming that you can make $100K a year just by calling a few people on the phone every month and helping them achieve their goals. But I want hard facts to prove this claim. Show me real people who are part of the "20,000 life coaches world wide". And where did the 20,000 come from? Sure, it sounds good on paper, especially when compared to the millions of attorneys, and heaven knows, more people need life coaches than attorneys, right? With unemployment high, I can really see people saying "oh, honey, we don't need to eat this month. I need to pay my life coach! You'll see, though. It'll pay off a thousand times when I'm making that 6 figure income from the comfort of my sofa!"
But I have no problem listening to the free webinars from the people who claim to have made millions from coaching, book sales and the like. If their claims are true, I'm sure to glean a few tidbits from what they're willing to offer to me free of charge, or, failing that, I get a little more material for my own writing efforts.
So stay tuned to this page for my rants which may range from "life coaching" to "manifesting your soulmate" to "writing a best seller". I've discovered that for any intention I might set for myself, there's someone out there willing to sell me a fool proof way to get there. But who really is the fool?
Not just anybody's fool!
Love and light
Thursday, August 30, 2012
August 30, 2012 Consistency
In the interests of consistency, I am, once again, poised before my computer, keyboard in hand (or under fingers, as it were) attempting to document my thoughts and ponderings.
Sad to say, I had to cut my dancing short tonight, and in so doing, failed to get my cherished endorphin rush, but the perils of the knee and a rare moment of good sense won out. I woke this morning with my knee swollen up again, probably from the chores I did yesterday. I tried to tell my mom, years ago, that chores were bad for the health, and now that I have proof, she's not around to share my new found knowledge with! Drat and double drat! Worse still, I can't shirk my duties because my kitties are depending on me for food, water and of course, clean sandboxes! Regrettably, clean sandboxes trump swollen knee! Oh, the stench of it all! (But if you've ever had a cat, fresh, or really not so fresh, from an unclean sandbox, decide they wanted to snuggle and rub against your face, you'll understand why the sandbox cleaning must take priority!) I love my furry darlings dearly, and wouldn't give them up for anything, and, in fact, will be extremely glad for their company when I'm laid up after the surgery, but sandbox stench is not on my list of comfort smells.
Speaking of comfort, I did get a bit more of it tonight. I spoke with another dancer who speaks very highly of my surgeon. I cannot believe how lucky I was to accidentally get an appointment with him! I just called the closest orthopedic center which happened to be in the old IHOP building less than a mile from my house. As it happens, one of the other doctors there is someone my daughter went to a few years ago, and who left us singularly unimpressed, so the Universe was surely watching out for me on this one!!!
At any rate, I got a little bit of dancing and some socializing in before I realized that every time I danced, my knee socked it to me, and that, if I didn't take off my dance shoes and go home, I'd continue getting up to dance and might further aggravate the situation. So, yes, I actually showed some good sense, even though it meant a very short, endorphin free night of dancing. But I know that this rare bout of good sense will help me continue dancing for a lot more years. Good grief! I'm actually taking my own advice and listening to my body! What will I do next! This is rather frightening! That book may actually get written in this millenium! Well, it IS a blue moon tomorrow night, so I suppose anything might happen! Hmmmm, time to come up with some really incredible wishes! It's clear that I have the Universe's ear!
Pondering my most majestic and abundant wishes!
Love and light
Sad to say, I had to cut my dancing short tonight, and in so doing, failed to get my cherished endorphin rush, but the perils of the knee and a rare moment of good sense won out. I woke this morning with my knee swollen up again, probably from the chores I did yesterday. I tried to tell my mom, years ago, that chores were bad for the health, and now that I have proof, she's not around to share my new found knowledge with! Drat and double drat! Worse still, I can't shirk my duties because my kitties are depending on me for food, water and of course, clean sandboxes! Regrettably, clean sandboxes trump swollen knee! Oh, the stench of it all! (But if you've ever had a cat, fresh, or really not so fresh, from an unclean sandbox, decide they wanted to snuggle and rub against your face, you'll understand why the sandbox cleaning must take priority!) I love my furry darlings dearly, and wouldn't give them up for anything, and, in fact, will be extremely glad for their company when I'm laid up after the surgery, but sandbox stench is not on my list of comfort smells.
Speaking of comfort, I did get a bit more of it tonight. I spoke with another dancer who speaks very highly of my surgeon. I cannot believe how lucky I was to accidentally get an appointment with him! I just called the closest orthopedic center which happened to be in the old IHOP building less than a mile from my house. As it happens, one of the other doctors there is someone my daughter went to a few years ago, and who left us singularly unimpressed, so the Universe was surely watching out for me on this one!!!
At any rate, I got a little bit of dancing and some socializing in before I realized that every time I danced, my knee socked it to me, and that, if I didn't take off my dance shoes and go home, I'd continue getting up to dance and might further aggravate the situation. So, yes, I actually showed some good sense, even though it meant a very short, endorphin free night of dancing. But I know that this rare bout of good sense will help me continue dancing for a lot more years. Good grief! I'm actually taking my own advice and listening to my body! What will I do next! This is rather frightening! That book may actually get written in this millenium! Well, it IS a blue moon tomorrow night, so I suppose anything might happen! Hmmmm, time to come up with some really incredible wishes! It's clear that I have the Universe's ear!
Pondering my most majestic and abundant wishes!
Love and light
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
August 29, 2012 Beginning again
I'm sitting here trying to get my thoughts together and all I can think of is "Wow! The last 8 months have gone by so fast, it's made my head spin!" But the wedding is behind us now, the kids have settled into their new life together (or officially, legally together anyway) and all is quiet on the home front. Quieter than I'd like, if the truth be told, as I aggravated what was probably already an existing knee injury and am now scheduled for surgery in early October. That means I can't dance as much as I'd like to for fear of making it worse, but it does NOT mean that I've refrained from dancing at all. I'm just limiting myself to my two main nights, picking and choosing the dances and dance partners carefully so as not to make things worse. I'm also spending a lot more time in front of the TV with my leg up, which delights my furry children almost to delirium. Toby is almost completely knot-free as he grudgingly submits to short bouts with the de-shedding rake while snuggled in my lap. Loki is more beautiful than she's ever been, but I just man handle her until I'm happy with the condition of her coat. The rest do a good job of taking care of themselves, but have lower maintenance coats which simplifies their efforts.
At any rate, wedding mania behind me means that I no longer have any excuse to at the very least, make regular entries in this blog, and, all other craziness willing, to actually get back to my book. In the hiatus, I've had a lot of time to think about what I really want to put into it, as it was starting to become just another whiny diatribe towards people and things over which I have no control. But in the meantime, I've become a great deal more compassionate towards my mother and the life I'm learning she must have led.
I'm also becoming increasingly aware that she was only 2 years older than I am when she took her life. And with that awareness comes a boatload of gratitude that I found out how to find my bliss, my joy, my very center of being and my purpose well before I had a chance to take the downhill path she did. While she followed her depression and didn't or couldn't let go of it, I think I've learned from both hers and mine and realized that in the grand Universal choice, I choose Happy! I love being able to let go of my responsible self and just be joyful. I love my crazy, silly, supportive, delightful, positive friends who continually remind me and keep me on track. I even love my bouts (albeit very short ones) of gloom that remind me how lucky I am to have so much love and joy in my life.
Will this change my perspective when I take on my book again? Probably. Will I read what I've written, declare it drek and just trash it and start all over? Maybe. Does it really matter which way I go? Absolutely not! What matters is that I will start writing and whatever comes out will be wonderful.
Lately, I have noticed a lot of little things happening after I make a declaration to the Universe. Little things, like traffic clearing in front of me, or a parking spot opening up, or finding something I wanted. But each time, I acknowledge receiving it and thank the Universe for listening and responding. So as I was driving home tonight, and after one of those little serendipities, I realized that it's once again time to let the Universe know about some of the larger things I want, life changing, earth shattering, maybe even world changing things. Of course, the first thing I wanted to do was carefully formulate those requests, but I realized that that's really the last thing I want to do. Better to just get the request out there and let the Universe work it's magic and in it's usual, inimitable fashion, make my request even better than my puny imagination can currently conjure. So at this point, I just asked for independent working conditions, and to be able to support myself in the style to which I'd like to become accustomed. I think that's vague enough!
I was also reading today that when the Universe sees that you've truly opened your heart to your soulmate, there is nothing to do but bring you together! (I guess Munchkin, my little Abyssinian, is my soulmate as she curled up on my chest right after I typed that!) But seriously, I'm becoming increasingly conscious of the negative thoughts which creep into my mind when I think about a life partner. Things like "I won't find someone who likes me at this weight" or "I don't want someone who doesn't dance" and on and on and on. I've learned that these kinds of thoughts are self-sabotaging in so many ways and on so many levels so I try to nip them in the bud. Telling myself I'm beautiful, sexy, sassy and delicious every chance I get pushes out the thoughts that anyone else could see me otherwise (but let me tell you, it requires a lot of discipline to lock out thoughts which were embedded in me over a lifetime!) and making a point of being grateful for the wonderful dance partners I am fortunate enough to share with the other dancers helps dispell the non-dancer vibes. But again, it's a continuous process and it's so easy to let my guard down and let the negative thoughts sneak in. They're a lot like the bad cholesterol. They can sneak in through the tiniest cracks while the good thoughts take up more space. The trick is to fill up all of the available space with the good thoughts and just leave no room for the sneaky, dark, grumpy, gloomy negativity. The joy engendered by those happy, hopeful, positive thoughts will be the grout that seals the tiniest of cracks and protects the overall structure of my positive, abundant, joyful self.
And speaking of grout, I'm about to start revisiting the remodel. First up is to contact both a structural engineer and an asbestos testing company to get answers to how I might make my kitchen, at least, happen sooner rather than later. If the answers I get are workable, I'll get an electrician and a plumber involved, figure out the granite countertops and maybe have a new kitchen, at least, for the holidays! (Only a year later than planned, but what's a year in the general scheme of things?)
After I figure that out, I'll contact an architect and look into building up instead of out, and just knocking out some walls to make my living room and office/library bigger. I wonder how the cats will adapt to having to go upstairs to snuggle at night?
So much to think about, research and decide. But like everything else, I can only put one foot in front of the other as I walk whichever path I choose. And so, I take that first step and begin to write again.
Love and light
At any rate, wedding mania behind me means that I no longer have any excuse to at the very least, make regular entries in this blog, and, all other craziness willing, to actually get back to my book. In the hiatus, I've had a lot of time to think about what I really want to put into it, as it was starting to become just another whiny diatribe towards people and things over which I have no control. But in the meantime, I've become a great deal more compassionate towards my mother and the life I'm learning she must have led.
I'm also becoming increasingly aware that she was only 2 years older than I am when she took her life. And with that awareness comes a boatload of gratitude that I found out how to find my bliss, my joy, my very center of being and my purpose well before I had a chance to take the downhill path she did. While she followed her depression and didn't or couldn't let go of it, I think I've learned from both hers and mine and realized that in the grand Universal choice, I choose Happy! I love being able to let go of my responsible self and just be joyful. I love my crazy, silly, supportive, delightful, positive friends who continually remind me and keep me on track. I even love my bouts (albeit very short ones) of gloom that remind me how lucky I am to have so much love and joy in my life.
Will this change my perspective when I take on my book again? Probably. Will I read what I've written, declare it drek and just trash it and start all over? Maybe. Does it really matter which way I go? Absolutely not! What matters is that I will start writing and whatever comes out will be wonderful.
Lately, I have noticed a lot of little things happening after I make a declaration to the Universe. Little things, like traffic clearing in front of me, or a parking spot opening up, or finding something I wanted. But each time, I acknowledge receiving it and thank the Universe for listening and responding. So as I was driving home tonight, and after one of those little serendipities, I realized that it's once again time to let the Universe know about some of the larger things I want, life changing, earth shattering, maybe even world changing things. Of course, the first thing I wanted to do was carefully formulate those requests, but I realized that that's really the last thing I want to do. Better to just get the request out there and let the Universe work it's magic and in it's usual, inimitable fashion, make my request even better than my puny imagination can currently conjure. So at this point, I just asked for independent working conditions, and to be able to support myself in the style to which I'd like to become accustomed. I think that's vague enough!
I was also reading today that when the Universe sees that you've truly opened your heart to your soulmate, there is nothing to do but bring you together! (I guess Munchkin, my little Abyssinian, is my soulmate as she curled up on my chest right after I typed that!) But seriously, I'm becoming increasingly conscious of the negative thoughts which creep into my mind when I think about a life partner. Things like "I won't find someone who likes me at this weight" or "I don't want someone who doesn't dance" and on and on and on. I've learned that these kinds of thoughts are self-sabotaging in so many ways and on so many levels so I try to nip them in the bud. Telling myself I'm beautiful, sexy, sassy and delicious every chance I get pushes out the thoughts that anyone else could see me otherwise (but let me tell you, it requires a lot of discipline to lock out thoughts which were embedded in me over a lifetime!) and making a point of being grateful for the wonderful dance partners I am fortunate enough to share with the other dancers helps dispell the non-dancer vibes. But again, it's a continuous process and it's so easy to let my guard down and let the negative thoughts sneak in. They're a lot like the bad cholesterol. They can sneak in through the tiniest cracks while the good thoughts take up more space. The trick is to fill up all of the available space with the good thoughts and just leave no room for the sneaky, dark, grumpy, gloomy negativity. The joy engendered by those happy, hopeful, positive thoughts will be the grout that seals the tiniest of cracks and protects the overall structure of my positive, abundant, joyful self.
And speaking of grout, I'm about to start revisiting the remodel. First up is to contact both a structural engineer and an asbestos testing company to get answers to how I might make my kitchen, at least, happen sooner rather than later. If the answers I get are workable, I'll get an electrician and a plumber involved, figure out the granite countertops and maybe have a new kitchen, at least, for the holidays! (Only a year later than planned, but what's a year in the general scheme of things?)
After I figure that out, I'll contact an architect and look into building up instead of out, and just knocking out some walls to make my living room and office/library bigger. I wonder how the cats will adapt to having to go upstairs to snuggle at night?
So much to think about, research and decide. But like everything else, I can only put one foot in front of the other as I walk whichever path I choose. And so, I take that first step and begin to write again.
Love and light
Sunday, July 8, 2012
July 8, 2012 Epiphany
I started cleaning yesterday in preparation for Heather's bridal shower but as I cleaned, spending 5 hours on the kitchen alone, I realized that what I was doing was more than a simple (or not so simple, given how long it had been since I'd done a real deep cleaning) house cleaning. It was more of a soul deep cleansing for me. By the time I went dancing last night, I felt really good about what I'd accomplished, but knew that I would spend today on the project because there was much more I needed to do before I reached the end of my task. But it wasn't until I sat on the sofa to untangle a bunch of cords and wires from my electronics which had been disconnected and stored months ago in preparation for the now postponed remodel that I realized what I'd really, unconsciously, set out to do.
The last year has been one of ups, downs, starts, stops, sharp turns and major changes. I had reconciled myself to the fact that the remodel would not recommence until after I'd completed the legalities and definitely after Heather's wedding. I was pleasantly surprised when the kids re-did my bathroom and the floor in Jenni's old room so I can actually provide accommodations for one or two of my out-of-town guests should they want to stay. This is an unexpected and welcome bonus for me!
But I digress. While untangling the wires and cords, I realized that the true purpose for my efforts this weekend was an untangling of myself. I've been wound up very tightly over the remodel fiasco and Heather's wedding, to the point where I'd started having regular migraines, or at least pre-migraines. My motivation to do a lot of things was at an all-time low, despite many demands on my time and brain. The reality is that, like the excess weight, I'd wrapped my clutter and, yes, my slovenliness around me like a protective blanket. As long as I lived like I did, I could continue with my self-imposed isolation. Yes, I've gotten more friendly and spend a lot more time getting to know the people around me, but that was merely a baby step. The time has come for me to really step outside of my comfort zone and make the steps, nay, the strides to which I keep giving lip service, but no real substance.
Instead of just teasing people with the opportunity to be a part of my life, I need to start offering real opportunities. Instead of just talking about writing my book, I need to get serious about it. (though after the wedding, of course!) Instead of just saying that I'm open if "that right person" happens to wander into my life, I need to shake the cobwebs off of my heart and really mean it. In other words, I need to walk the walk and talk the talk!
So what I can't really explain to my already overwhelmed daughter right now is that I need to unclutter my house so I can unclutter myself. Clean is a great start, and I am incredibly grateful for all the work she and Mathom have done this week, but I have to dig through those boxes and bags ruthlessly, giving or throwing away so much that no longer serves me. Even though it meant not only declining a beautiful drive with kids I adore to go wine tasting in a gorgeous example of Southern California, but also declining an opportunity to spend the afternoon with my oh-so-adorable granddaughter while her mommy went car shopping.
But the fruits of this weekend's labor will yield more and higher quality time in the weeks to come to enjoy those simple pleasures.
Love and light
The last year has been one of ups, downs, starts, stops, sharp turns and major changes. I had reconciled myself to the fact that the remodel would not recommence until after I'd completed the legalities and definitely after Heather's wedding. I was pleasantly surprised when the kids re-did my bathroom and the floor in Jenni's old room so I can actually provide accommodations for one or two of my out-of-town guests should they want to stay. This is an unexpected and welcome bonus for me!
But I digress. While untangling the wires and cords, I realized that the true purpose for my efforts this weekend was an untangling of myself. I've been wound up very tightly over the remodel fiasco and Heather's wedding, to the point where I'd started having regular migraines, or at least pre-migraines. My motivation to do a lot of things was at an all-time low, despite many demands on my time and brain. The reality is that, like the excess weight, I'd wrapped my clutter and, yes, my slovenliness around me like a protective blanket. As long as I lived like I did, I could continue with my self-imposed isolation. Yes, I've gotten more friendly and spend a lot more time getting to know the people around me, but that was merely a baby step. The time has come for me to really step outside of my comfort zone and make the steps, nay, the strides to which I keep giving lip service, but no real substance.
Instead of just teasing people with the opportunity to be a part of my life, I need to start offering real opportunities. Instead of just talking about writing my book, I need to get serious about it. (though after the wedding, of course!) Instead of just saying that I'm open if "that right person" happens to wander into my life, I need to shake the cobwebs off of my heart and really mean it. In other words, I need to walk the walk and talk the talk!
So what I can't really explain to my already overwhelmed daughter right now is that I need to unclutter my house so I can unclutter myself. Clean is a great start, and I am incredibly grateful for all the work she and Mathom have done this week, but I have to dig through those boxes and bags ruthlessly, giving or throwing away so much that no longer serves me. Even though it meant not only declining a beautiful drive with kids I adore to go wine tasting in a gorgeous example of Southern California, but also declining an opportunity to spend the afternoon with my oh-so-adorable granddaughter while her mommy went car shopping.
But the fruits of this weekend's labor will yield more and higher quality time in the weeks to come to enjoy those simple pleasures.
Love and light
Monday, June 4, 2012
June 4, 2012 Unconditional love
After a crazy busy Saturday, I took a day off on Sunday to spend time with my cats, sleep a lot and meditate. The epiphany I experienced during this down time was such that I am walking much lighter today and have the basis for my meditations for awhile. As I looked into the eyes of my boys, Dylan, Toby and Scooby while stroking them and skritching behind their ears, I saw a look of such open, unadulterated and unconditional love that made me feel like the most blessed person in the world. And I realized that that is what I have to give to the Universe, nothing less than unconditional love. And it occurs to me that in focusing on spreading nothing but unconditional love I have no room for negative, unpleasant or unproductive thoughts. Any anger or frustration that might have been building up inside of me as a result of recent developments suddenly has no meaning and certainly no place in my life or my mind.
And as I'm ever one to take a thought as far as it will go, I envision this spreading of unconditional love coming from many people until it touches everyone, everywhere. Imagine sending out unconditional love vibes to every corner of the Universe until everybody feels loved and has no more reason to exhibit behaviour which results from feeling a lack of love! Of course, I do have to wonder if there are those who might be resistant to those waves of love, and who will continue on their paths in spite of the high levels of positive energy? Are there those who, despite the multitudes expressing unconditional love, who might still tread their path of darkness? Would they still be necessary if only to help us recognize what the alternatives might be? Will the masses of loving souls be able to counteract any darkness they might perpetuate? Will they, like magnets, be drawn to like souls but otherwise be neutralized?
I may never get the answers to these and many of the other questions my mind ponders, but I do know that doing my part to spread universal, unconditional love is a task I accept gladly, and hope that my own small effort will make the world a better place.
Is this something I do silently and inconspicuously or do I invite others to join in sending waves of unconditional love out to the Universe, that it may be distributed when and where it's needed?
These and other burning questions will be answered in the days, weeks and months ahead, leaving room for even more burning questions!
Unconditional love and light,
And as I'm ever one to take a thought as far as it will go, I envision this spreading of unconditional love coming from many people until it touches everyone, everywhere. Imagine sending out unconditional love vibes to every corner of the Universe until everybody feels loved and has no more reason to exhibit behaviour which results from feeling a lack of love! Of course, I do have to wonder if there are those who might be resistant to those waves of love, and who will continue on their paths in spite of the high levels of positive energy? Are there those who, despite the multitudes expressing unconditional love, who might still tread their path of darkness? Would they still be necessary if only to help us recognize what the alternatives might be? Will the masses of loving souls be able to counteract any darkness they might perpetuate? Will they, like magnets, be drawn to like souls but otherwise be neutralized?
I may never get the answers to these and many of the other questions my mind ponders, but I do know that doing my part to spread universal, unconditional love is a task I accept gladly, and hope that my own small effort will make the world a better place.
Is this something I do silently and inconspicuously or do I invite others to join in sending waves of unconditional love out to the Universe, that it may be distributed when and where it's needed?
These and other burning questions will be answered in the days, weeks and months ahead, leaving room for even more burning questions!
Unconditional love and light,
Thursday, May 24, 2012
May 24, 2012 Musings on Patience
While driving to work today, my mind was doing its usual meandering and the path it chose to take caused me to consider the fact that my patience has been sorely tried over the last few weeks. This led me to ponder the fact that patience is probably one of my weakest qualities so what better way to strengthen a muscle than to use it on heavier and heavier tasks? At this point, I experienced one of those "aha moments" I've come to think of as Universal head slaps. Clearly, it's important for me to learn to be more patient so I'm being given many opportunities to practice the art. So if I don't want the challenges to get more difficult, it would behoove me to start absorbing the lesson being set before me! Sadly, the day degenerated into one gigantic challenge until the working portion of it ended. I guess, in my defense, I did manage to accomplish the necessary tasks without strangling anyone or doing other bodily harm in the process, and I am even more grateful that I have a four day weekend ahead of me in which to recover some of the patience I lost this week!
Love and light.
Love and light.
Monday, May 14, 2012
May 14, 2012 I thank the Universe for lessons in unexpected places
Today I was once again treated to a co-worker's verbal abuse, but I am very grateful because she gave me the opportunity to practice addressing her rude, belligerent, abusive behaviour calmly and to put a stop to it in no uncertain terms. She also gave me the opportunity to realize that not only can we treat people respectfully, allowing them to return the favor, we can also treat people disrespectfully, and can expect some to respond in kind as well. Even more, she gave me an incredible appreciation for the self-love I've found over the last decade or so. I realize that when I treat people rudely, it is truly a reflection of something in myself I am finding unpleasant.
One area which continues to puzzle me is people with a sense of entitlement. I cannot conceive of having expectations of the Universe or any of its inhabitants without a willingness, a desire, a need to give back! But this sense of entitlement, of deserving everything for nothing has really become viral in recent years! Have parents spent so much time tippy toeing around their poor little darlings' feelings that lessons like discipline, responsibility and consequences have gone by the wayside? I see too many people in their 30's still acting like irresponsible college kids, going out and getting drunk, dragging into work and taking issue with expectations that they actually put in 8 hours work for 8 hours' pay! Or they expect their boss to keep them happy. As if an honest day's pay wasn't sufficient? They have to only give them work that they like to do as well? Excuse me, but it's called "work" for a reason. Besides, if everything we did in life was enjoyable and made us feel good, we'd have nothing to compare it against, and frankly, we'd soon become dissatisfied!
And so, I am grateful to the Entitled for showing me how very fortunate I am to have been brought up expecting to be responsible, to take pride in my work and to treat the people I work for with respect. I certainly don't always agree with how they choose to run things, but it is their company so I can offer them the expertise for which they hired me, but if their decisions do not coincide with my perception of the right course, graceful acceptance is far more attractive than pouting or belligerence any day of the week!
But the Entitled have to understand that they do not have the right to walk on the rest of us either. I am constantly learning how best to draw my line in the sand. In some cases, my lines are crooked and keep getting washed away by the tides, but in others, they're starting to gain a substance of their own and are able to adjust to the ebbs and flows quite admirably. I am realistic enough to know that I won't change anyone's beliefs, but idealistic enough to hope that some will start seeing past themselves because of the examples set by the rest of us.
Every day, I meditate on Love, Acceptance, Forgiveness and Kindness. Some days, it's more difficult to focus than others, and those days are the ones for which attaining that focus is the most rewarding! Loving, accepting and forgiving those who would try to make a doormat of others is truly a challenge, and requires a great deal of squelching of knee jerk reactions.
I have learned that expressing anger at a person or situation only gives them power over me, and adds energy with which to perpetuate their undesirable behaviour. Thus, my focus is on turning those negative feelings into something useful and positive, like Gratitude!
I am a work in progress and my path is neither a direct nor a particularly straight route but then, the journey is far more interesting! It's a bit like choosing to take I-5 to drive to Northern California. It's pretty straight and the time it takes to drive the route may be shorter, but its monotonous and a lot less interesting than meandering up the coast, maybe finding someplace unusual to stop along the way or just discovering how amazing the land has become through eons of wear and tear on the part of the weather.
The winds of entitlement may blow and batter me, but my foundation is solid and the wear and tear smooths my rough edges and uncovers some very precious elements.
And who knows what might come to pass as I tumble against other "stones" in the great tumbler of life!
Love and light.
One area which continues to puzzle me is people with a sense of entitlement. I cannot conceive of having expectations of the Universe or any of its inhabitants without a willingness, a desire, a need to give back! But this sense of entitlement, of deserving everything for nothing has really become viral in recent years! Have parents spent so much time tippy toeing around their poor little darlings' feelings that lessons like discipline, responsibility and consequences have gone by the wayside? I see too many people in their 30's still acting like irresponsible college kids, going out and getting drunk, dragging into work and taking issue with expectations that they actually put in 8 hours work for 8 hours' pay! Or they expect their boss to keep them happy. As if an honest day's pay wasn't sufficient? They have to only give them work that they like to do as well? Excuse me, but it's called "work" for a reason. Besides, if everything we did in life was enjoyable and made us feel good, we'd have nothing to compare it against, and frankly, we'd soon become dissatisfied!
And so, I am grateful to the Entitled for showing me how very fortunate I am to have been brought up expecting to be responsible, to take pride in my work and to treat the people I work for with respect. I certainly don't always agree with how they choose to run things, but it is their company so I can offer them the expertise for which they hired me, but if their decisions do not coincide with my perception of the right course, graceful acceptance is far more attractive than pouting or belligerence any day of the week!
But the Entitled have to understand that they do not have the right to walk on the rest of us either. I am constantly learning how best to draw my line in the sand. In some cases, my lines are crooked and keep getting washed away by the tides, but in others, they're starting to gain a substance of their own and are able to adjust to the ebbs and flows quite admirably. I am realistic enough to know that I won't change anyone's beliefs, but idealistic enough to hope that some will start seeing past themselves because of the examples set by the rest of us.
Every day, I meditate on Love, Acceptance, Forgiveness and Kindness. Some days, it's more difficult to focus than others, and those days are the ones for which attaining that focus is the most rewarding! Loving, accepting and forgiving those who would try to make a doormat of others is truly a challenge, and requires a great deal of squelching of knee jerk reactions.
I have learned that expressing anger at a person or situation only gives them power over me, and adds energy with which to perpetuate their undesirable behaviour. Thus, my focus is on turning those negative feelings into something useful and positive, like Gratitude!
I am a work in progress and my path is neither a direct nor a particularly straight route but then, the journey is far more interesting! It's a bit like choosing to take I-5 to drive to Northern California. It's pretty straight and the time it takes to drive the route may be shorter, but its monotonous and a lot less interesting than meandering up the coast, maybe finding someplace unusual to stop along the way or just discovering how amazing the land has become through eons of wear and tear on the part of the weather.
The winds of entitlement may blow and batter me, but my foundation is solid and the wear and tear smooths my rough edges and uncovers some very precious elements.
And who knows what might come to pass as I tumble against other "stones" in the great tumbler of life!
Love and light.
Friday, May 11, 2012
May 11, 2012-Gratitude and lessons
As I continue to work through my reaction to Wednesday's exchange I'm finding new parts of myself to work on and improve. I realize that part of my adverse reaction lies in the fact that I am confusing admiration of someone's skills with something in myself that still believes I need to emulate what I admire. Nothing could be further from the truth! What is easiest to admire in another person is how comfortable they are in their own skin, and to be comfortable in your own skin, you must find and live your own style. So for me to emulate someone I admire will always be an effort in futility as I try to be someone besides myself! I have my own strengths as well as limitations which cause me to be better at some things and not as good at others compared with the people I admire. And how many times did I encourage my daughters to be the "best you you can be". I seem to have left myself out of that sage piece of advice!
With my dancing, I know that I have to allow for the fact that I have difficulty moving fluidly as I am, by nature, somewhat on the stiff side. I do try to work on this, but so far, I'm still more stiff than not. Granted, I've improved greatly since I became aware, but I'm a long way from the folks who seem to have a boneless quality to their movements as they bend and sway like waves lapping the shore. My knees, too, have been abused for many years and do not have the strength and flexibility others enjoy. I continue to do weight work to help counteract the damage, but I can't deny that it limits my movements and how I execute turns.
So I do make note of the concepts, the basics, if you will, and do my best to execute them in as technically correct a manner as possible, but I won't beat myself up for my imperfections. In fact, I need to use those imperfections to create my own style. As that is still evolving, I have no idea where it will lead, but I do know that it will ultimately, wonderfully, amazingly be unique to me, and not an emulation of someone else who causes me to smile when I watch them execute the style which is uniquely, wonderfully, amazingly theirs!
And so, once again, I am reminded to embrace all of the uniqueness the Universe has to offer as both a participant and an observer!
Love and light.
With my dancing, I know that I have to allow for the fact that I have difficulty moving fluidly as I am, by nature, somewhat on the stiff side. I do try to work on this, but so far, I'm still more stiff than not. Granted, I've improved greatly since I became aware, but I'm a long way from the folks who seem to have a boneless quality to their movements as they bend and sway like waves lapping the shore. My knees, too, have been abused for many years and do not have the strength and flexibility others enjoy. I continue to do weight work to help counteract the damage, but I can't deny that it limits my movements and how I execute turns.
So I do make note of the concepts, the basics, if you will, and do my best to execute them in as technically correct a manner as possible, but I won't beat myself up for my imperfections. In fact, I need to use those imperfections to create my own style. As that is still evolving, I have no idea where it will lead, but I do know that it will ultimately, wonderfully, amazingly be unique to me, and not an emulation of someone else who causes me to smile when I watch them execute the style which is uniquely, wonderfully, amazingly theirs!
And so, once again, I am reminded to embrace all of the uniqueness the Universe has to offer as both a participant and an observer!
Love and light.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
May 9, 2012 A lesson a day keeps the doldrums away
Today, when I least expected it, I learned yet another valuable lesson. It happened while I was dancing. I happened to remark to a person who's dancing I enjoyed watching that I needed to watch more and learn more moves. They took my comment, not as a compliment as I'd intended, but as an invitation to pick my own efforts apart. I listened for awhile, becoming somewhat disheartened, but thankfully, was saved when someone directed my attention to a line dance we knew that had just been called.
I danced a couple of more dances, thinking about the exchange and giving myself a severe talking to about allowing anyone to dim my joy and soon succeeded in depersonalizing the whole thing. Once I did that, I found myself wondering why someone who is attractive and talented, fun to watch, never lacking for a dance partner and constantly complimented would need to be hypercritical of someone else. It occurred to me that I was once again faced with an individual who required external validation. I'm afraid this often blindsides me as I've learned that loving myself is the greatest gift I can give. I also firmly believe that what other people think of me is none of my business, and, especially when it comes to dancing, do not require anyone's approval or compliments. I am in my joy because I dance for myself. On those occasions when someone does pay me a compliment, I am grateful that in finding my own joy, I can bring a little to someone else. Clearly, someone who seeks out the attention hasn't yet figured that out. They just need someone to give them strokes by noticing them and finding it pleasing to watch them perform.
So I'm sending love and light and hope that this person will find the joy within but will be surprised if my eyes are drawn to their performance any more as I was, tonight, given a glimpse of the not-so-pretty underside of their chassis. I have to say that it also explains why I never really felt comfortable around them. Clearly, we resonate in incompatible keys.
And so, I continue to dance like nobody's watching and sing like nobody's listening because when I am so filled with joy that it has to come out or it will simply bust out my seams, it really doesn't matter whether my technique is good, my timing is right or I'm on key. The only thing that matters is the JOY!
Love and Light.
I danced a couple of more dances, thinking about the exchange and giving myself a severe talking to about allowing anyone to dim my joy and soon succeeded in depersonalizing the whole thing. Once I did that, I found myself wondering why someone who is attractive and talented, fun to watch, never lacking for a dance partner and constantly complimented would need to be hypercritical of someone else. It occurred to me that I was once again faced with an individual who required external validation. I'm afraid this often blindsides me as I've learned that loving myself is the greatest gift I can give. I also firmly believe that what other people think of me is none of my business, and, especially when it comes to dancing, do not require anyone's approval or compliments. I am in my joy because I dance for myself. On those occasions when someone does pay me a compliment, I am grateful that in finding my own joy, I can bring a little to someone else. Clearly, someone who seeks out the attention hasn't yet figured that out. They just need someone to give them strokes by noticing them and finding it pleasing to watch them perform.
So I'm sending love and light and hope that this person will find the joy within but will be surprised if my eyes are drawn to their performance any more as I was, tonight, given a glimpse of the not-so-pretty underside of their chassis. I have to say that it also explains why I never really felt comfortable around them. Clearly, we resonate in incompatible keys.
And so, I continue to dance like nobody's watching and sing like nobody's listening because when I am so filled with joy that it has to come out or it will simply bust out my seams, it really doesn't matter whether my technique is good, my timing is right or I'm on key. The only thing that matters is the JOY!
Love and Light.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
April 10, 2012 Joy, simply Joy.
As life gets crazier with work, wedding plans, dancing, exercising and chores, I'm finding, believe it or not, that finding my joy is becoming easier every day. In fact, last weekend while running some of those errands with the kids, I jokingly told Mathom that when he was grouchy I had to be more joyful to balance out the grouchiness. As my joy continued to grow, unchecked, he said he wasn't being grumpy, so why was I getting even more giddy? I told him that somewhere, somebody was being grumpy, so I had to continue to be even more joyful to balance out their grumpiness. I'm not sure he got it, or maybe he just figured I was being so annoyingly cheerful it was nauseating, but the fact is, the more I thought about it, the more I found the value and truth in my supposition. And as I found value and truth, I found more joy, and as I found more joy, I found more value and truth, until, soon, I found myself bursting with a joy that has no limits, and as my joy became limitless, so, too, did the little seeds I planted recently, and I saw them popping up and reaching for the stars! Conversations I'm having lately are exuding synchronicity and opportunities to see that my seeds not only grow, not only thrive, not merely flourish, but bear crops of unimaginable proportions and it's already happening! In discussing one such seed with a friend, she added nutrients to my soil, and indicated that fulfilling my dream would be beneficial to her as well, and, in fact, we could teach each other what we know, making both of us more valuable, and also allowing each other more room to grow and breathe and thrive!
I'm feeling myself connecting more and more with other people, and feeling those connections are an integral part of achieving, no, exceeding my goals.
A few days ago, I was thinking that as I felt healthier, I was also feeling taller and lighter. As I was thinking, feeling and walking taller, someone actually told me that the outfit I was wearing made me look tall! I thanked her, but kept my tall thinking to myself. I found it interesting that in feeling taller, I projected the image onto others around me! Imagine what I can do with other aspects of my life now that I've learned this little secret! The Universe has been right all along! We truly have no limits other than those we set for ourselves, when we believe that we have limits at all.
So the thought for the day? Limitless Joy! Because if joy is limitless, everything else is too!
Love, light and limitless joy!
I'm feeling myself connecting more and more with other people, and feeling those connections are an integral part of achieving, no, exceeding my goals.
A few days ago, I was thinking that as I felt healthier, I was also feeling taller and lighter. As I was thinking, feeling and walking taller, someone actually told me that the outfit I was wearing made me look tall! I thanked her, but kept my tall thinking to myself. I found it interesting that in feeling taller, I projected the image onto others around me! Imagine what I can do with other aspects of my life now that I've learned this little secret! The Universe has been right all along! We truly have no limits other than those we set for ourselves, when we believe that we have limits at all.
So the thought for the day? Limitless Joy! Because if joy is limitless, everything else is too!
Love, light and limitless joy!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
March 27, 2012 Energy and consistency
I started taking bee pollen that my daughter brought me a few days ago. It's pretty tasty when mixed with some greek yogurt (either fat free or otherwise) and I've found that it seems to give me more energy during the day, although it isn't going to replace lost sleep! I started with the full tablespoon as recommended on the jar, although the lady at the vitamin store insisted that you should start with a single grain and work up to maybe a teaspoon. When I asked why, she said that people can't handle the extra energy all at once! I don't know if it's because I'm naturally hyper at times, or because I am somewhat active, but I really like the rush of energy I get in the morning, and I feel like I'm just more able to tackle the day, even when I'm tired. And even after working all day, I come home and easily accomplish a few chores as soon as I walk through the door! So, I'll continue with my tablespoon a day in my yogurt and who knows? I may even up it to two tablespoons, morning and afternoon!
As I go into my meditations in the afternoon, I'm trying to focus on something in particular. Yesterday, because I hadn't gotten enough sleep, my focus was on energy and when I closed my eyes, I saw a volcano, but instead of pouring out hot lava, it was, at first, pouring out beautiful reddish-pink flowers and once the flowers were through, the top of the mountain was crackling with energy. Today I just drifted, letting thoughts go in and out of my brain, pondering a weird dream I had last night with people from my past. But in this case, it was people I wasn't really overly interested in reconnecting with, and they were very patronizing anyway. In fact, they asked me to wait outside at a picnic table, and as I sat there starting to feel annoyed, I realized that I was much happier being away from them anyway, and was trying to figure out why I even bothered to wait for them. When I got up to leave, another person from my past crossed my path. In the dream I was happy to see him, but in real life, I'm rather ambivalent. Either way, I was away from those whose company I was less than overjoyed with, and able to move on to more pleasant places and things. But it leaves me wondering if there is something from my past that my mind is trying to tell me I need to release, but it isn't quite able to pinpoint what it is, so it keeps showing me people and places to see if it will trigger something that will tell me what it is I'm still carrying around.
I suppose this will be an ongoing theme in my meditations until the real issue surfaces and I'm able to accept and release it. It also may be part of the reason my throat chakra has been blocked lately. Which reminds me that I haven't done an alignment in quite awhile, although my massage therapist did an amazing job moving things back into place on Saturday. Although she headed me in the right direction, I know that I still need to work on myself for everything to get back into balance.
I'm also craving sweets again, but more specifically, chocolate. Yet, when I eat some, it's not satisfying and I find myself wondering why I bothered to eat it. Is this just an indication of overall confusion? This seems odd as I just planted my seeds for the year and, in fact, picture myself watering them and pulling out weeds during part of my meditation. They're just wee little sprouts right now, but the soil around them is rich and there is a marvelous feeling of joy around them. I know these seeds will grow and thrive this year as none of my others have thus far. They were planted with so much love and gratitude that they are almost supercharged from the start.
I see this seed planting as similar to giving birth. I've brought these little beings into the world yet I know that they are independent beings I can love and guide, protect for a little while, but ultimately, release out into the world where they will leave their own marks. I don't really feel a need to watch them every moment because I know they are in good hands, and I am sure worrying over them a lot less than I do my kids! (thank goodness!)
The cats have all been more clingy and needy lately too. It is rare that I don't have at least one or two hovering close and often one in my lap telling me that whatever I'm doing isn't half as important as paying attention to them! This is especially true of my three boys! Dylan is forever beside me while Toby and Scooby take turns in my lap! Do they sense the new lives I'm nurturing now? Do they sense major changes coming into our lives? They don't seem worried as much as they seem to want to be a part of whatever it is I'm doing.
And on the way home from work, I found myself singing silly, joyful songs, and realized that I am truly happy! What I'm doing and where I am doesn't really matter. I'm just happy being me! So now, I'll be doing more to share the Joy!
Love and light
As I go into my meditations in the afternoon, I'm trying to focus on something in particular. Yesterday, because I hadn't gotten enough sleep, my focus was on energy and when I closed my eyes, I saw a volcano, but instead of pouring out hot lava, it was, at first, pouring out beautiful reddish-pink flowers and once the flowers were through, the top of the mountain was crackling with energy. Today I just drifted, letting thoughts go in and out of my brain, pondering a weird dream I had last night with people from my past. But in this case, it was people I wasn't really overly interested in reconnecting with, and they were very patronizing anyway. In fact, they asked me to wait outside at a picnic table, and as I sat there starting to feel annoyed, I realized that I was much happier being away from them anyway, and was trying to figure out why I even bothered to wait for them. When I got up to leave, another person from my past crossed my path. In the dream I was happy to see him, but in real life, I'm rather ambivalent. Either way, I was away from those whose company I was less than overjoyed with, and able to move on to more pleasant places and things. But it leaves me wondering if there is something from my past that my mind is trying to tell me I need to release, but it isn't quite able to pinpoint what it is, so it keeps showing me people and places to see if it will trigger something that will tell me what it is I'm still carrying around.
I suppose this will be an ongoing theme in my meditations until the real issue surfaces and I'm able to accept and release it. It also may be part of the reason my throat chakra has been blocked lately. Which reminds me that I haven't done an alignment in quite awhile, although my massage therapist did an amazing job moving things back into place on Saturday. Although she headed me in the right direction, I know that I still need to work on myself for everything to get back into balance.
I'm also craving sweets again, but more specifically, chocolate. Yet, when I eat some, it's not satisfying and I find myself wondering why I bothered to eat it. Is this just an indication of overall confusion? This seems odd as I just planted my seeds for the year and, in fact, picture myself watering them and pulling out weeds during part of my meditation. They're just wee little sprouts right now, but the soil around them is rich and there is a marvelous feeling of joy around them. I know these seeds will grow and thrive this year as none of my others have thus far. They were planted with so much love and gratitude that they are almost supercharged from the start.
I see this seed planting as similar to giving birth. I've brought these little beings into the world yet I know that they are independent beings I can love and guide, protect for a little while, but ultimately, release out into the world where they will leave their own marks. I don't really feel a need to watch them every moment because I know they are in good hands, and I am sure worrying over them a lot less than I do my kids! (thank goodness!)
The cats have all been more clingy and needy lately too. It is rare that I don't have at least one or two hovering close and often one in my lap telling me that whatever I'm doing isn't half as important as paying attention to them! This is especially true of my three boys! Dylan is forever beside me while Toby and Scooby take turns in my lap! Do they sense the new lives I'm nurturing now? Do they sense major changes coming into our lives? They don't seem worried as much as they seem to want to be a part of whatever it is I'm doing.
And on the way home from work, I found myself singing silly, joyful songs, and realized that I am truly happy! What I'm doing and where I am doesn't really matter. I'm just happy being me! So now, I'll be doing more to share the Joy!
Love and light
Sunday, March 25, 2012
March 25, 2012 Spring is for setting intentions and planting seeds
Today I spent some time meditating and planting the seeds to be carefully tended throughout the year. In so doing, I realized that I no longer needed to plant one for increased health, stamina and energy because I'm well on my way. That particular seed is well on it's way to becoming a giant tree. So I turned my focus to three things, plus one which was essentially dropped for awhile. These things cover all of the major aspects of my life in their own way and involve the Arts, Hearth and Home, Financial prosperity and career satisfaction and finally, the one I have been avoiding for a long time, emotional completion. As with all of my intentions over the last year or so,. I have put them out there, planted the seeds, as it were, and will let the Universe carry them where it may. Although I will nurture my seedlings, I will not dictate how and where they grow. I know that in doing so, I will most likely stunt their growth instead of allowing them to grow up as tall and strong as they might if left to grow in the direction they need to. Like children, we may guide and give advice, but the ultimate decisions on direction and distance belong to them. Our intentions are no different. We cannot possibly see all of the possible outcomes, nor can we determine which will be the best for our intentions. The Universal wisdom is a much better guide. Certainly as a part of that Universal Wisdom, I will be part of that guidance, but only a small part, and certainly not enough to alter the direction taken. For now, I am content with knowing that I have planted those four little seeds and will watch them grow and flourish throughout 2012. As the year began, so shall it proceed; as an amazing, eventful, inspiring year in which I will learn much and accomplish more than I ever have before.
Already I see changes in myself I would never have dreamed possible even a year ago. So many wonderful people have become a part of my life that I am overflowing with gratitude and positive energy every minute of every day. Even my relationship with my daughter is stronger than ever, and my rebel child is coming around more frequently as well.
That isn't to say that the crazy, vivid and sometimes scary dreams are not still part of the scenario, but shaking off the angry ones is easier and cathartic now. I find it easier and easier to remember to send love and light instead of anger and frustration, to accept those who have wished me ill and above all, to forgive. I'm far from perfect and have many more lessons to learn, but find that positive energy begets positive energy, and if each of us shares a bit with someone else, and they share some and so on and so on, it won't be long before we can crowd the negative energy right out of the equation, or at least return to a balanced state. I do understand that just as too much chaos is problematic, so is an abundance of calm. Things need a certain amount of stirring up in order to encourage creativity and change. Stagnation is not an option!
And it is change which encourages us to plant our seeds in the Spring, nurture them through the summer and fall until we harvest their fruits allowing the plants to grow and prosper for many cycles to come.
Love and light
Already I see changes in myself I would never have dreamed possible even a year ago. So many wonderful people have become a part of my life that I am overflowing with gratitude and positive energy every minute of every day. Even my relationship with my daughter is stronger than ever, and my rebel child is coming around more frequently as well.
That isn't to say that the crazy, vivid and sometimes scary dreams are not still part of the scenario, but shaking off the angry ones is easier and cathartic now. I find it easier and easier to remember to send love and light instead of anger and frustration, to accept those who have wished me ill and above all, to forgive. I'm far from perfect and have many more lessons to learn, but find that positive energy begets positive energy, and if each of us shares a bit with someone else, and they share some and so on and so on, it won't be long before we can crowd the negative energy right out of the equation, or at least return to a balanced state. I do understand that just as too much chaos is problematic, so is an abundance of calm. Things need a certain amount of stirring up in order to encourage creativity and change. Stagnation is not an option!
And it is change which encourages us to plant our seeds in the Spring, nurture them through the summer and fall until we harvest their fruits allowing the plants to grow and prosper for many cycles to come.
Love and light
Sunday, March 18, 2012
March 18, 2012 New motto: Always expect the unexpected
Woke up this morning after fussing with rash revisited on my right leg half the night, dragged myself to the coffee pot and ingested two cups of strong caffeine, trying to get myself to start the day. I must have tripped over Loki four times and Toby twice on my way to that first jolt, but managed to get most of the java inside me! So there I was, finally getting around to putting my contacts in and vacillating over which chore to start first when I hear the unmistakeable ring tone which signals a call from my oldest by two minutes daughter. "Do you have plans today?" she said. "nooooo" I answered cautiously. "Do you want to go to the zoo????" she asked, excitement building in her voice. There's nothing my daughter likes better than communing with the animals.
So much for quiet, lazy, restful day doing laundry and paying bills. (OK, so I'm a sucker for a zoo too!) After grabbing breakfast at our favorite eating spot, we headed up to Santa Barbara for a leisurely walk through intermittent rain, up hills and down dales, feeding giraffes and laughing at the antics of the river otters for a nice, three hour visit. Of course, by then, we'd worked up an appetite again, so we set our sights on a local eatery. After a couple of false starts and a fair amount of walking around downtown Santa Barbara, we ended up at a little Mexican place which was actually quite amazing! The food was good, the service was excellent and it was nice and warm! A winning combination if you ask me! (did I mention the temperature was in the low 50's with a brisk, freezing wind?) Fortified with cocoa, guacamole and pozole we headed home to let the kids retrieve their animals who were at my house for another visit, and so I could make my weekly trek to Trader Joe's to ensure a healthy week of lunches.
Needless to say, my body was much happier being active today instead of lugging laundry baskets and sitting on my tush. And tomorrow, more wedding stuff! The fun never ends, and I'm incredibly grateful for making the decision to hold off on the remodel. The flexibility to just do things on the spur of the moment, or join Heather to do more planning and preparation for the wedding has taken my stress level down to the point where I feel very calm and relaxed most of the time.
Sometimes just remembering to put one foot in front of the other and not worry about the mechanics of it is all we need to simplify and de-stress our lives. Also, knowing when to admit that you've taken on more than is realistic and to take the necessary steps to lighten your load is not only good for your sanity, but I think that, in the end, better decisions are made because you're not rushing into anything just to get a task off your plate. I am grateful for the wisdom to realize and admit that I have taken on too much, and for the humility to rearrange things so that, while my cup may runneth over, my plate does not.
I'll end this with one of my favorite quotes: "To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose..."
Love and light.
So much for quiet, lazy, restful day doing laundry and paying bills. (OK, so I'm a sucker for a zoo too!) After grabbing breakfast at our favorite eating spot, we headed up to Santa Barbara for a leisurely walk through intermittent rain, up hills and down dales, feeding giraffes and laughing at the antics of the river otters for a nice, three hour visit. Of course, by then, we'd worked up an appetite again, so we set our sights on a local eatery. After a couple of false starts and a fair amount of walking around downtown Santa Barbara, we ended up at a little Mexican place which was actually quite amazing! The food was good, the service was excellent and it was nice and warm! A winning combination if you ask me! (did I mention the temperature was in the low 50's with a brisk, freezing wind?) Fortified with cocoa, guacamole and pozole we headed home to let the kids retrieve their animals who were at my house for another visit, and so I could make my weekly trek to Trader Joe's to ensure a healthy week of lunches.
Needless to say, my body was much happier being active today instead of lugging laundry baskets and sitting on my tush. And tomorrow, more wedding stuff! The fun never ends, and I'm incredibly grateful for making the decision to hold off on the remodel. The flexibility to just do things on the spur of the moment, or join Heather to do more planning and preparation for the wedding has taken my stress level down to the point where I feel very calm and relaxed most of the time.
Sometimes just remembering to put one foot in front of the other and not worry about the mechanics of it is all we need to simplify and de-stress our lives. Also, knowing when to admit that you've taken on more than is realistic and to take the necessary steps to lighten your load is not only good for your sanity, but I think that, in the end, better decisions are made because you're not rushing into anything just to get a task off your plate. I am grateful for the wisdom to realize and admit that I have taken on too much, and for the humility to rearrange things so that, while my cup may runneth over, my plate does not.
I'll end this with one of my favorite quotes: "To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose..."
Love and light.
Friday, March 16, 2012
March 16, 2012 Whew! What a ride 2012 has already been!
This year certainly started off with a rocket blast to the moon, and has yet to slow down to what I fondly remember as a normal pace! As with all crazy schedules, something had to suffer and, sadly, it has been my writing. But I hope to rectify that in the coming weeks, despite continuing at my breakneck pace because, frankly, along with my meditation, the writing keeps me grounded.
So, to just catch up, Heather announced her engagement in January, and since then we have been running around like crazy trying to get everything chosen and booked for her wedding in August. Meanwhile, I've been to three seminars since November, all of which kept me tied up for close to a week each. But the last one was by far the best as it took me somewhere I've never been, and I was able to tack on a couple of days of sightseeing after the work was done! I enjoyed a marvelous, albeit too short, adventure in our nation's capitol last week, learning to navigate the metro, visiting some of the Smithsonian museums and the National Zoo. I cannot recommend visiting DC too highly. It truly is an amazing place, and everywhere you go is tremendous energy and history!
With everything else going on, and various parties dragging their feet to get my remodel issues resolved, I've made the decision to put the project on hold so that I can focus my energies on the more pressing matters of the wedding and problem resolution for now. As I was driving home tonight, I found myself reflecting on all of the delays and how each and every one turned out to be beneficial in some way. I suddenly found myself filled with joyful anticipation as I realized that the seemingly endless string of delays could only mean one thing! When the project is finally completed, it will be absolutely incredible! It can't help but be so, to justify so many roadblocks and challenges along the way! In the meantime, I've been unpacking the previously packed boxes and slowly putting my house back together for the time being. In the process, I'm finding things I forgot I had and arranging and better organizing things for future access. Heather, Mathom and one of their friends were able to move my cabinets into the pod this week, saving me the $200 a month storage fee on the rental unit. I feel better having all of the materials close at hand, both so that I can keep an eye on things, and because it will make it easier for the contractor once the project resumes.
Work continues to be busy and I am expanding my horizons, both with knowledge and with responsibilities. This is always a good thing for me, as my brain is happiest when it's challenged!
And of course, there's dancing. A typical week finds me on a dance floor 3-4 times and, with the exception of the last 2 weeks, I'm getting to the gym at least twice a week too! All of this is helping my body return to it's natural state of health. My stamina has increased exponentially as I drop pounds to the point where a two step set, a line dance set and a couple of couple's dances no longer leave me winded and sore. Just as being sedentary and overweight saps energy, moving more and weighing less serves to increase energy which then makes me want to do more so I lose more weight and gain more energy...and so on and so on and so on! Woo hoo!!!
Had a very weird dream last night. The highlights included a white Buick, a motorhome, my former contractor, airguns, making phone calls from a landline and a whole bunch of small children. What ties all of this together is that every single part of the dream was completely illogical and as unlike me as it could be! Yet the details have stuck with me, so there is clearly a message in the madness which will ultimately make itself clear to me, even if it requires a few of those Universal Burma Shave signs to accomplish it!
In the meantime, it feels good to be back writing again, and I hope that I'll find the time to jot at least a few lines every day again.
Love and light.
So, to just catch up, Heather announced her engagement in January, and since then we have been running around like crazy trying to get everything chosen and booked for her wedding in August. Meanwhile, I've been to three seminars since November, all of which kept me tied up for close to a week each. But the last one was by far the best as it took me somewhere I've never been, and I was able to tack on a couple of days of sightseeing after the work was done! I enjoyed a marvelous, albeit too short, adventure in our nation's capitol last week, learning to navigate the metro, visiting some of the Smithsonian museums and the National Zoo. I cannot recommend visiting DC too highly. It truly is an amazing place, and everywhere you go is tremendous energy and history!
With everything else going on, and various parties dragging their feet to get my remodel issues resolved, I've made the decision to put the project on hold so that I can focus my energies on the more pressing matters of the wedding and problem resolution for now. As I was driving home tonight, I found myself reflecting on all of the delays and how each and every one turned out to be beneficial in some way. I suddenly found myself filled with joyful anticipation as I realized that the seemingly endless string of delays could only mean one thing! When the project is finally completed, it will be absolutely incredible! It can't help but be so, to justify so many roadblocks and challenges along the way! In the meantime, I've been unpacking the previously packed boxes and slowly putting my house back together for the time being. In the process, I'm finding things I forgot I had and arranging and better organizing things for future access. Heather, Mathom and one of their friends were able to move my cabinets into the pod this week, saving me the $200 a month storage fee on the rental unit. I feel better having all of the materials close at hand, both so that I can keep an eye on things, and because it will make it easier for the contractor once the project resumes.
Work continues to be busy and I am expanding my horizons, both with knowledge and with responsibilities. This is always a good thing for me, as my brain is happiest when it's challenged!
And of course, there's dancing. A typical week finds me on a dance floor 3-4 times and, with the exception of the last 2 weeks, I'm getting to the gym at least twice a week too! All of this is helping my body return to it's natural state of health. My stamina has increased exponentially as I drop pounds to the point where a two step set, a line dance set and a couple of couple's dances no longer leave me winded and sore. Just as being sedentary and overweight saps energy, moving more and weighing less serves to increase energy which then makes me want to do more so I lose more weight and gain more energy...and so on and so on and so on! Woo hoo!!!
Had a very weird dream last night. The highlights included a white Buick, a motorhome, my former contractor, airguns, making phone calls from a landline and a whole bunch of small children. What ties all of this together is that every single part of the dream was completely illogical and as unlike me as it could be! Yet the details have stuck with me, so there is clearly a message in the madness which will ultimately make itself clear to me, even if it requires a few of those Universal Burma Shave signs to accomplish it!
In the meantime, it feels good to be back writing again, and I hope that I'll find the time to jot at least a few lines every day again.
Love and light.
Friday, January 6, 2012
January 6, 2012 Graffiti, patience, kindness and love
I thought I lived in a nice, middle class neighborhood with an elementary school in the center and a mix of renters and homeowners all around. Some of my neighbors bought their homes when they were new, some 50 years ago, while other homes have seen many owners, even in the years I've been there. Overall, people are respectful of each others' property, aside from small spates of thefts we've had a couple of times, but in the 30 years I've lived here, it's a pretty small amount, all things considered.
In the last few days, however, I've become less certain of that respectfulness. On two occasions, I've had to call the city to report graffiti on my pod, from a very small amount a few days ago, to a very blatant rendition today. Although I did not recall previous incidents, my daughter recalls an attack on our garage a few years ago, and has seen various offenses on block walls around the neighborhood. But I can't help but wonder if there's a reason my house has been targeted all of a sudden? Unfortunately, I don't come into contact with these "artists" nor do I understand their motivation or their choice of location for their masterpieces. However, if their talents do include more than just scrawled letters on other peoples' property, I'd like to see those talents used to beautify rather than to, essentially, piss on the walls and storage units of others. There are plenty of places around the city which would benefit from a mural in place of just bare grey stone. Maybe I'm naive in believing that commissioning some of these folks to actually draw something beautiful which would ultimately be enjoyed and admired by the community rather than becoming part of the police log could convince at least some of them to use their talents for the greater good. Admittedly, I have no idea how many kids in my community have chosen to become part of the criminal element in the city, nor do I understand why they find it necessary in a quiet, suburban area. I know the element does exist or the city wouldn't have an extremely responsive task force in place to deal with the problem.
What I do see is that whoever is doing this is crying out to be loved, just as surely as those who spend their time trying to spread misery verbally. However you look at it, doing anything ugly, be it by behaviour or by action, is still an expression of a need and a desire for love.
When I saw the first incident, my first reaction was anger, and when the second incident was so blatant and bold, taking up nearly half of the end of the pod, I again experienced an initial spurt of anger. But as I reflect upon the situation, I am more saddened by this person or persons' need, the way they are crying out, but don't expect to be heard. I want them to know that I am sending them love and light, not anger and darkness. I don't pretend to understand their motivation or the difficulties they face in their lives but I want for them all of the love that they need and desire, and to never have to wonder or suffer the lack again.
A friend of mine is very good about reminding me that we are given challenges so that we deal with our own personal demons and learn to love ourselves completely so that we can spread that love around freely and completely. It isn't always easy to not resort to anger, fear, resentment and frustration. If it were easy, it would not be a challenge and the lessons we're meant to learn wouldn't all stick. Thus, I see this latest intrusion into my sometimes insular world as a reminder that once I think I've mastered a lesson, I'll be sent more.
As a drop in the Universal sea of souls, the better, kinder, more loving drop I am, the better, kinder and more loving the entire sea will be. It is certainly much harder to be loving while receiving disrespect and abuse, but that is when it is most needed. It is also when the results will take longer to manifest and where the lessons of patience and perseverance are best learned.
Love and light
In the last few days, however, I've become less certain of that respectfulness. On two occasions, I've had to call the city to report graffiti on my pod, from a very small amount a few days ago, to a very blatant rendition today. Although I did not recall previous incidents, my daughter recalls an attack on our garage a few years ago, and has seen various offenses on block walls around the neighborhood. But I can't help but wonder if there's a reason my house has been targeted all of a sudden? Unfortunately, I don't come into contact with these "artists" nor do I understand their motivation or their choice of location for their masterpieces. However, if their talents do include more than just scrawled letters on other peoples' property, I'd like to see those talents used to beautify rather than to, essentially, piss on the walls and storage units of others. There are plenty of places around the city which would benefit from a mural in place of just bare grey stone. Maybe I'm naive in believing that commissioning some of these folks to actually draw something beautiful which would ultimately be enjoyed and admired by the community rather than becoming part of the police log could convince at least some of them to use their talents for the greater good. Admittedly, I have no idea how many kids in my community have chosen to become part of the criminal element in the city, nor do I understand why they find it necessary in a quiet, suburban area. I know the element does exist or the city wouldn't have an extremely responsive task force in place to deal with the problem.
What I do see is that whoever is doing this is crying out to be loved, just as surely as those who spend their time trying to spread misery verbally. However you look at it, doing anything ugly, be it by behaviour or by action, is still an expression of a need and a desire for love.
When I saw the first incident, my first reaction was anger, and when the second incident was so blatant and bold, taking up nearly half of the end of the pod, I again experienced an initial spurt of anger. But as I reflect upon the situation, I am more saddened by this person or persons' need, the way they are crying out, but don't expect to be heard. I want them to know that I am sending them love and light, not anger and darkness. I don't pretend to understand their motivation or the difficulties they face in their lives but I want for them all of the love that they need and desire, and to never have to wonder or suffer the lack again.
A friend of mine is very good about reminding me that we are given challenges so that we deal with our own personal demons and learn to love ourselves completely so that we can spread that love around freely and completely. It isn't always easy to not resort to anger, fear, resentment and frustration. If it were easy, it would not be a challenge and the lessons we're meant to learn wouldn't all stick. Thus, I see this latest intrusion into my sometimes insular world as a reminder that once I think I've mastered a lesson, I'll be sent more.
As a drop in the Universal sea of souls, the better, kinder, more loving drop I am, the better, kinder and more loving the entire sea will be. It is certainly much harder to be loving while receiving disrespect and abuse, but that is when it is most needed. It is also when the results will take longer to manifest and where the lessons of patience and perseverance are best learned.
Love and light
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
January 4, 2012 Living positively
Over the last few years, I've seen a number of people who think they need to debunk the theory of Laws of Attraction, yet, in reality, they're simply adding further proof in their denial of its effectiveness. It's quite simple, really. If you deny vehemently that it works, it won't!
I think part of their problem lies in the fact that they want instant gratification and that gratification must be large, bold and be heralded by enormous, gaudy neon signs. Attracting what you put out isn't a magic wand which instantly causes things to happen. It's more of a way of life which sets things in motion and helps us alter our own behaviour patterns such that WE cause things to happen. It requires not only faith in the process, but faith in ourselves and, of course, faith in the Universe which may take what we're trying to attract and alter it for the better. It is also having faith that what seem like setbacks are really just repositionings which are necessary in order for us to be where we need to be to receive what we desire. Anyone who has been following this blog will know that the path to my desires in the last year has been fraught with unexpected roadblocks, but those roadblocks and delays turned out to be in my best interests, overall, and, without them, I would not have really gotten what I wanted, nor would I have been happy with what I did get. I've been forced to re-evaluate, reassess and even make some sweeping changes which, overall, were far better than my original plans! As Garth Brooks sang, "Thank G-d for unanswered prayers!" What the Universe has put in my path is always far better than my original vision anyway, because I have the benefit of all wisdom when I put my faith in attracting what I want, but allowing it to manifest in it's own time and manner.
That is not to say that I am just sitting back, waiting for the golden egg laying goose to drop into my lap. I take what I call the "Universal head slaps" very seriously, and adjust not only my behaviour but, at times, my attitude in order to be the necessary vessel to receive what I've requested. Face it, you wouldn't put out a loosely woven basket if you asked for wine, nor would you provide a lake if you wanted a building. Likewise, being the right container for the job makes it easier for the Universe to answer our requests in the affirmative. Thus, declaring that the Laws of Attraction don't work is equivalent to saying "I'm asking for this but I don't really want it, so don't bother listening."
Admittedly, nothing out there will suit everyone. Take my favorite rant, organized religion. Millions of people belong to some sort of church, temple or other group for the purpose of guiding or living their spirituality. The mere fact that there is so much dissension between them is proof enough that one man's religion is not necessarily anothers. And what I believe, although it may bear a resemblance to one set of ideas or another, will not be an exact match for anyone's total picture. As I listen to speakers on the subjects of spirituality and self-improvement I find a lot of things I am able to embrace and attempt to put into practice (not all of my efforts have been successful thus far, but I do keep trying!), but I believe I find just as many ideas which I just don't connect with. In the end, it's a bit like cooking. I take a bit of this, a pinch of that and a dollop of something else and come up with a dish which suits my palate.
Ultimately, though, whatever goes into the pot is best done with a positive, joyful outlook because, like making a stew, the end result is highly dependent upon the ingredients. Good, fresh, high quality ingredients will always yield a healthy, tasty result.
Love and light
I think part of their problem lies in the fact that they want instant gratification and that gratification must be large, bold and be heralded by enormous, gaudy neon signs. Attracting what you put out isn't a magic wand which instantly causes things to happen. It's more of a way of life which sets things in motion and helps us alter our own behaviour patterns such that WE cause things to happen. It requires not only faith in the process, but faith in ourselves and, of course, faith in the Universe which may take what we're trying to attract and alter it for the better. It is also having faith that what seem like setbacks are really just repositionings which are necessary in order for us to be where we need to be to receive what we desire. Anyone who has been following this blog will know that the path to my desires in the last year has been fraught with unexpected roadblocks, but those roadblocks and delays turned out to be in my best interests, overall, and, without them, I would not have really gotten what I wanted, nor would I have been happy with what I did get. I've been forced to re-evaluate, reassess and even make some sweeping changes which, overall, were far better than my original plans! As Garth Brooks sang, "Thank G-d for unanswered prayers!" What the Universe has put in my path is always far better than my original vision anyway, because I have the benefit of all wisdom when I put my faith in attracting what I want, but allowing it to manifest in it's own time and manner.
That is not to say that I am just sitting back, waiting for the golden egg laying goose to drop into my lap. I take what I call the "Universal head slaps" very seriously, and adjust not only my behaviour but, at times, my attitude in order to be the necessary vessel to receive what I've requested. Face it, you wouldn't put out a loosely woven basket if you asked for wine, nor would you provide a lake if you wanted a building. Likewise, being the right container for the job makes it easier for the Universe to answer our requests in the affirmative. Thus, declaring that the Laws of Attraction don't work is equivalent to saying "I'm asking for this but I don't really want it, so don't bother listening."
Admittedly, nothing out there will suit everyone. Take my favorite rant, organized religion. Millions of people belong to some sort of church, temple or other group for the purpose of guiding or living their spirituality. The mere fact that there is so much dissension between them is proof enough that one man's religion is not necessarily anothers. And what I believe, although it may bear a resemblance to one set of ideas or another, will not be an exact match for anyone's total picture. As I listen to speakers on the subjects of spirituality and self-improvement I find a lot of things I am able to embrace and attempt to put into practice (not all of my efforts have been successful thus far, but I do keep trying!), but I believe I find just as many ideas which I just don't connect with. In the end, it's a bit like cooking. I take a bit of this, a pinch of that and a dollop of something else and come up with a dish which suits my palate.
Ultimately, though, whatever goes into the pot is best done with a positive, joyful outlook because, like making a stew, the end result is highly dependent upon the ingredients. Good, fresh, high quality ingredients will always yield a healthy, tasty result.
Love and light
Sunday, January 1, 2012
January 1, 2012 The signs indicate that the rash of major changes will continue indefinitely. Please fasten your seatbelts.
Major changes are upon us. We see it, feel it, taste it, smell it and touch it every day. Many of us have sixth senses that are doing anything from a quiet tingle to an almost unbearable itch. Simon and Garfunkel sang it in the 1960's, but they had no idea what was to come 50 years later. The times they are a'changin'!
Our world as we know it is evolving. The apathy has lifted and people are questioning the status quo. What many don't realize is that the questioning and the changing are occurring because it is time. For the last few years, decades, even, we have been easing into the changes, but from where I stand, the easing ceased a couple of months ago, and we're now on the wildest white water rafting trip imaginable! There will be mishaps and missteps. We may lose a crew member or two along the way, and we most certainly will get soaked a few times between here and there, but the journey will definitely be worth a little discomfort!
For myself, I have seen my own status quo change drastically. Not only my living situation, but my overall outlook, and even my relationship with my rebel child. I'm not saying anything has taken a complete 180,. but there have certainly been some very sharp turns over the last couple of months, and I know the road for the next year or more will be anything but straight. There is a time and place for directness, for going from here to there in a straight line, but this is neither. We are truly what Aldous Huxley called a Brave New World, and major alterations are rarely, if ever reached via a straight line. There have to, by the nature of it, be false starts, mistakes, backtracks and regroupings, and lessons learned at each setback. New steps forward are taken with the benefit of experience of knowing what at least some of the possibilities lacked, and what didn't work, at least while certain variables were present. The tried and true is no longer either. Now, we are tasked to try new things; lots of new things, until we find something that works with today's world, and only then can we start asking why they work, and what is now true which wasn't only a few months past.
I am incredibly excited with all of the possibilities before me...before US, all of us! It's been a very long time since we were expeditionists, blazing new trails. We have certainly had the usual front-runners who were embarking on newly created paths long before the rest of us, but now we are all on the edge of new discoveries, and these discoveries may or may not require major travel to reach them. So much of our travel will be along Spiritual paths rather than road and gravel. I feel the energy and I know that those around me do as well, as we go through our own particular versions of cleaning and decluttering. (although I could have done without the small, grey, furry hot-lunch-for-my-semi-ferals which came along with some of the clearing out I've done this week!) I know the changes are serious when I'm actually excited about attacking my hall closet tomorrow! I am truly looking forward to clearing out more spaces! I guess because I know that I'm going to need to travel more lightly soon, and have more room to maneuver. I know that I've accumulated a lot of things which are no longer needed, and I just need to start letting to of stuff that I no longer use.
At any rate, I know in every cell of my body that 2012 is going to be one of the best E ticket rides yet, and I'm going to strap in, but not so tightly that I can't jump ship if I see something along the way which bears looking into.
Happy New Year, 2012!
Love and light.
Our world as we know it is evolving. The apathy has lifted and people are questioning the status quo. What many don't realize is that the questioning and the changing are occurring because it is time. For the last few years, decades, even, we have been easing into the changes, but from where I stand, the easing ceased a couple of months ago, and we're now on the wildest white water rafting trip imaginable! There will be mishaps and missteps. We may lose a crew member or two along the way, and we most certainly will get soaked a few times between here and there, but the journey will definitely be worth a little discomfort!
For myself, I have seen my own status quo change drastically. Not only my living situation, but my overall outlook, and even my relationship with my rebel child. I'm not saying anything has taken a complete 180,. but there have certainly been some very sharp turns over the last couple of months, and I know the road for the next year or more will be anything but straight. There is a time and place for directness, for going from here to there in a straight line, but this is neither. We are truly what Aldous Huxley called a Brave New World, and major alterations are rarely, if ever reached via a straight line. There have to, by the nature of it, be false starts, mistakes, backtracks and regroupings, and lessons learned at each setback. New steps forward are taken with the benefit of experience of knowing what at least some of the possibilities lacked, and what didn't work, at least while certain variables were present. The tried and true is no longer either. Now, we are tasked to try new things; lots of new things, until we find something that works with today's world, and only then can we start asking why they work, and what is now true which wasn't only a few months past.
I am incredibly excited with all of the possibilities before me...before US, all of us! It's been a very long time since we were expeditionists, blazing new trails. We have certainly had the usual front-runners who were embarking on newly created paths long before the rest of us, but now we are all on the edge of new discoveries, and these discoveries may or may not require major travel to reach them. So much of our travel will be along Spiritual paths rather than road and gravel. I feel the energy and I know that those around me do as well, as we go through our own particular versions of cleaning and decluttering. (although I could have done without the small, grey, furry hot-lunch-for-my-semi-ferals which came along with some of the clearing out I've done this week!) I know the changes are serious when I'm actually excited about attacking my hall closet tomorrow! I am truly looking forward to clearing out more spaces! I guess because I know that I'm going to need to travel more lightly soon, and have more room to maneuver. I know that I've accumulated a lot of things which are no longer needed, and I just need to start letting to of stuff that I no longer use.
At any rate, I know in every cell of my body that 2012 is going to be one of the best E ticket rides yet, and I'm going to strap in, but not so tightly that I can't jump ship if I see something along the way which bears looking into.
Happy New Year, 2012!
Love and light.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
December 29, 2011 Reflecting upon the year which is ending
As I reflect upon accomplishments, challenges, triumphs, successes and even the failures which, ultimately were for the best, I am especially grateful for those few people who touched my lives and reminded me how blessed I am to have found joy and happiness rather than misery. As I watch certain people do everything in their power to share the unhappiness they live, (because, of course, as children we were all taught that sharing is a good thing!) I truly appreciate the fact that what I have to share is joy. I have learned that when things seem the darkest, it is so that I will be able to clearly see the light of possibility that is coming my way.
2011 has given me many reminders that it's important to keep trying even when things just don't seem to work out because each failed attempt to resolve something makes you really think about how many other ways the task can be accomplished!
I have certainly done my share of rubbing people wrong this year, but in many cases, they were people who just couldn't or wouldn't be rubbed right. I appreciate the lessons I've learned and know that it isn't my job to make everyone happy. It is my job to follow my path, stand up to my responsibilities and be a joyful person.
I have set myself some challenges going forward. Some will be easily accomplished, but some will require a lot of patience with myself. I have vowed to be kinder to others and to try not to make judgements as to whether or not they are deserving. This will certainly give me pause at times, but I feel that in the end, it will make me a better person.
Another task I've set myself is to give more of my time to friends, both new and old. The people who have come in (or back in) to my life this year are simply amazing and giving them my time will really be more of a gift to myself. I look forward with great joy to basking in their warmth in the coming year.
Although work on my book came to a standstill when I began facing challenges with the remodel, I will put every effort into picking the task back up and seeing it to completion. Doing so is extremely important, not only to my personal growth, but to move me forward on this wonderful, crazy, joyful path I've been following for the last few years.
I will also be seeking ways to expand upon my Spiritual growth. Although I have continued with the almost daily meditations, I find a void when I think about Community. I've explored several possibilities, but have yet to find what is right for me, but the search continues and the experiences acquired during this search have all been positive and have contributed to my growth.
And whatever else happens, I've decided that, like 2011, 2012 will be an amazing year for me!
Love and light!
2011 has given me many reminders that it's important to keep trying even when things just don't seem to work out because each failed attempt to resolve something makes you really think about how many other ways the task can be accomplished!
I have certainly done my share of rubbing people wrong this year, but in many cases, they were people who just couldn't or wouldn't be rubbed right. I appreciate the lessons I've learned and know that it isn't my job to make everyone happy. It is my job to follow my path, stand up to my responsibilities and be a joyful person.
I have set myself some challenges going forward. Some will be easily accomplished, but some will require a lot of patience with myself. I have vowed to be kinder to others and to try not to make judgements as to whether or not they are deserving. This will certainly give me pause at times, but I feel that in the end, it will make me a better person.
Another task I've set myself is to give more of my time to friends, both new and old. The people who have come in (or back in) to my life this year are simply amazing and giving them my time will really be more of a gift to myself. I look forward with great joy to basking in their warmth in the coming year.
Although work on my book came to a standstill when I began facing challenges with the remodel, I will put every effort into picking the task back up and seeing it to completion. Doing so is extremely important, not only to my personal growth, but to move me forward on this wonderful, crazy, joyful path I've been following for the last few years.
I will also be seeking ways to expand upon my Spiritual growth. Although I have continued with the almost daily meditations, I find a void when I think about Community. I've explored several possibilities, but have yet to find what is right for me, but the search continues and the experiences acquired during this search have all been positive and have contributed to my growth.
And whatever else happens, I've decided that, like 2011, 2012 will be an amazing year for me!
Love and light!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
November 30, 2011 New beginnings begin with endings
As I look forward to closing November's books and opening December's tomorrow, it will also be a day of new beginnings for my daughter and, after the ending she will generate in my life, a new beginning of some kind or another. Granted, life has had some interesting, and not always pleasant, ups and downs lately, but I've always believed that a door closes to enable us to be free to choose one of the other doors and windows which opens before us. Of course, with Loki's latest kidney infection, the kids won't be far away and I will have to see one or both of them daily while we're having to give Loki fluids again (she just LOVES having a needle stuck in her back and being held down while we let 200 ml of saline drip into her little body), and Heather already got me an Eeyore key to be carved when they get the keys to their apartment. It's still going to be weird and a little scary to come home to an empty house at night. Ok, in all fairness to my furry children, it won't be empty, but there will be no humans who can turn lights on and off, cook, run the dishwasher and help empty the sandboxes on trash day. There will be nobody who answers back in English when I talk to them either. I really must become better at understanding Cat. (of course, when Dylan meows pitifully and runs to the food bowl to show me it's empty, I usually understand what he's saying, but holding a conversation is more of a challenge).
I know that I have several things which I need to resolve and conclude in my life right now, but I also have an untold number of opportunities which are simply awaiting my unburdening. The book definitely holds first place on the list, and having the place to myself should encourage me to spend more time on it. I also want to do some more decluttering in preparation for the delayed but not forgotten remodel. One of the things which will certainly occur in the next week or so is moving the boxes from my garage to the pod so I can park my car inside again. It's getting very windy and cold these days and I really miss walking out to my car in the comparatively warm garage. I think I need to make a list of things I want to accomplish, then set priorities and timelines so that I can track and see my progress. I wonder if I can get a copy of Project to play with? :)
At this point, I want to wish everyone fabulously exciting beginnings, and quick, painless endings over the next few months.
Love and light.
I know that I have several things which I need to resolve and conclude in my life right now, but I also have an untold number of opportunities which are simply awaiting my unburdening. The book definitely holds first place on the list, and having the place to myself should encourage me to spend more time on it. I also want to do some more decluttering in preparation for the delayed but not forgotten remodel. One of the things which will certainly occur in the next week or so is moving the boxes from my garage to the pod so I can park my car inside again. It's getting very windy and cold these days and I really miss walking out to my car in the comparatively warm garage. I think I need to make a list of things I want to accomplish, then set priorities and timelines so that I can track and see my progress. I wonder if I can get a copy of Project to play with? :)
At this point, I want to wish everyone fabulously exciting beginnings, and quick, painless endings over the next few months.
Love and light.
Friday, November 25, 2011
November 25, 2011 Contracting with the Government
I realize today's blog title seems remarkably dry for my usual fare, but as I continue, the gyrations of my thought pattern should become apparent.
When contracting with the Government, there is a very specific proposal process laid out both be regulations and within the request for proposal itself. One of the components which is typically required is a section called "Past Performance". This section is used, not only for the contractor to show that they have experience in the area for which they are proposing, but may also include responses from the contractor's customers which are sent directly to the customer. In this way, the customer strives to obtain assurance that the contractor has done this particular kind of work before, and that in doing so, has satisfied his customers. The customer response is designed to rate the contractor anywhere from excellent to poor.
I think that as consumers, it would behoove us, at least for large purchases like cars, homes and the like, to have a similar process or at least some kind of checklist to ensure that we get what we pay for. I'm sure there are guides, or pieces of guides in various places which are designed to help consumers protect themselves, but I think it would be especially helpful to put a plain English, complete version somewhere where it would be easily and readily accessed at the time that a major purchase is considered. Granted, some people would still go blindly along hoping that their best interests will be honored, but at least the tools would be there for the rest of us to adequately protect ourselves, and to know what our rights are from the outset.
Just as I've learned how to get the best value for my money with consumer goods, I need, also, to learn how to get the best value for my money when signing a contract for something on a larger scale. I am looking for something along the lines of kicking the tires, taking it for a test drive, getting direct feedback from satisfied and unsatisfied customers. I would rather do my due diligence at the offset than run afoul and be forced to make yet another attorney wealthy at both mine and another person or firm's expense. I truly believe that this would be in everyone's best interest as both sides would know that a fair agreement has been reached and that expectations are clear and can easily be met.
Thus, I am gathering together those pieces and may yet put something together that is more than simply the tired old quote, "let the buyer beware".
And on a happier note, we had the most amazing, yet simple Thanksgiving ever! The food tasted better, our tried and true recipes came out better, and we were relaxed and happy. I will credit, at least, in part, all of the gratitude, acceptance and forgiveness I've learned to practice. Things may not always be as I think they should, but loving and accepting those around me makes everything feel better anyway.
So, I am grateful for the lessons I have learned this year, and the friends I have made and the accomplishments I've realized. I am grateful for another month in which to accomplish and love and forgive and appreciate before 2011 ends and we enter another year and new beginnings.
Love and light
When contracting with the Government, there is a very specific proposal process laid out both be regulations and within the request for proposal itself. One of the components which is typically required is a section called "Past Performance". This section is used, not only for the contractor to show that they have experience in the area for which they are proposing, but may also include responses from the contractor's customers which are sent directly to the customer. In this way, the customer strives to obtain assurance that the contractor has done this particular kind of work before, and that in doing so, has satisfied his customers. The customer response is designed to rate the contractor anywhere from excellent to poor.
I think that as consumers, it would behoove us, at least for large purchases like cars, homes and the like, to have a similar process or at least some kind of checklist to ensure that we get what we pay for. I'm sure there are guides, or pieces of guides in various places which are designed to help consumers protect themselves, but I think it would be especially helpful to put a plain English, complete version somewhere where it would be easily and readily accessed at the time that a major purchase is considered. Granted, some people would still go blindly along hoping that their best interests will be honored, but at least the tools would be there for the rest of us to adequately protect ourselves, and to know what our rights are from the outset.
Just as I've learned how to get the best value for my money with consumer goods, I need, also, to learn how to get the best value for my money when signing a contract for something on a larger scale. I am looking for something along the lines of kicking the tires, taking it for a test drive, getting direct feedback from satisfied and unsatisfied customers. I would rather do my due diligence at the offset than run afoul and be forced to make yet another attorney wealthy at both mine and another person or firm's expense. I truly believe that this would be in everyone's best interest as both sides would know that a fair agreement has been reached and that expectations are clear and can easily be met.
Thus, I am gathering together those pieces and may yet put something together that is more than simply the tired old quote, "let the buyer beware".
And on a happier note, we had the most amazing, yet simple Thanksgiving ever! The food tasted better, our tried and true recipes came out better, and we were relaxed and happy. I will credit, at least, in part, all of the gratitude, acceptance and forgiveness I've learned to practice. Things may not always be as I think they should, but loving and accepting those around me makes everything feel better anyway.
So, I am grateful for the lessons I have learned this year, and the friends I have made and the accomplishments I've realized. I am grateful for another month in which to accomplish and love and forgive and appreciate before 2011 ends and we enter another year and new beginnings.
Love and light
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
November 23, 2011 Thanksgiving and gratitude
It is the day before Thanksgiving and, despite the turmoil of the last few days, I realize that I have so much to be thankful for. At the very top of the list are the friends who have been supportive and have refused to allow me to wallow in a pit of inaction through the enormous changes coming into my life, followed closely (or more likely, walking hand in hand) by my wonderful daughter with whom I share an amazing bond of love and respect which gets us through difficult times and brings us closer each time we cross another rocky road together. I am also thankful for my animals who love me unconditionally, and know when I just need a warm, fuzzy body snuggled up against me (although these cold nights are making them think they need to cat-pile on me in bed which makes it a little hard to move, much less, get comfortable, these days! But I can take a quick inventory in the darkness and know exactly who is where!), and for a roof over my head and a warm place to sleep. For food on the table, a car to get me where I need to go, opportunities to help others, both human and animal, and the ability to sense a need.
I am also grateful for lessons I've learned, including knowing that I don't have to fight the world, but can pick my battles and only hold fast to those which are important, and I'm eternally grateful for continuing to learn the difference. And when I do have to fight, I'm grateful for the strength I've developed to do what needs to be done. I'm grateful that the reasons to do battle have become fewer and further between over the years. Have I learned to avoid things which could result in a battle or to circumvent problems early, or to be more accepting? It's hard to say, but whatever the reason, I'm grateful for a calmer, more peaceful life. I see others clutching their drama to them like a security blanket and wish I could tell them that letting it go will really make them happier. But just as I had to learn that lesson on my own, it is theirs to learn as well. And I am grateful for the wisdom to know that this is so.
Also on the very long list is having a healthy body which allows me to indulge my passions like dancing (which continues to keep me sane no matter how bad I might think things are in a moment) and a healthy mind which thrives on the opportunity to be expanded in so many ways and with so many new and exciting opportunities. Even more, I'm grateful for the people around me who challenge me to expand my mind.
Lest I forget, I appreciate Mother Earth who allows my human form to live and thrive because of her bounty.
I could go on and on and on, but I think I've hit the major points, and hope I inspire others to focus on what is truly important, not only on Thanksgiving, but every single day!
Love and Light
I am also grateful for lessons I've learned, including knowing that I don't have to fight the world, but can pick my battles and only hold fast to those which are important, and I'm eternally grateful for continuing to learn the difference. And when I do have to fight, I'm grateful for the strength I've developed to do what needs to be done. I'm grateful that the reasons to do battle have become fewer and further between over the years. Have I learned to avoid things which could result in a battle or to circumvent problems early, or to be more accepting? It's hard to say, but whatever the reason, I'm grateful for a calmer, more peaceful life. I see others clutching their drama to them like a security blanket and wish I could tell them that letting it go will really make them happier. But just as I had to learn that lesson on my own, it is theirs to learn as well. And I am grateful for the wisdom to know that this is so.
Also on the very long list is having a healthy body which allows me to indulge my passions like dancing (which continues to keep me sane no matter how bad I might think things are in a moment) and a healthy mind which thrives on the opportunity to be expanded in so many ways and with so many new and exciting opportunities. Even more, I'm grateful for the people around me who challenge me to expand my mind.
Lest I forget, I appreciate Mother Earth who allows my human form to live and thrive because of her bounty.
I could go on and on and on, but I think I've hit the major points, and hope I inspire others to focus on what is truly important, not only on Thanksgiving, but every single day!
Love and Light
Monday, November 21, 2011
November 21, 2011 Back to the drawing board, and new beginnings
I think my friend, Judy, put it well. We're being thrown into change right now, whether we like it or not, and a lot of it is very uncomfortable. I'm coming to terms with Heather's move. I still don't like it, but she's trying to reassure me by telling me that I raised her to be smart and independent. (yeah, and the check's in the mail, right?) But she is a good kid so I just have to wish her well and stand back. <sigh> She brought home her new puppy today and she's as sweet as can be. Of course, having her on the patio is making the cats very curious! They keep sitting at the window looking out at her which might be a good thing as maybe she won't feel so alone. Once they move, she'll sleep with the kids, but right now, the cats rule the house so she has to sleep outside. She cried for a little while, but I think she's still exhausted from today's surgery. She has a nice, thick coat but they put some warm bricks under her blanket to help ward off some of the chill.
The remodel is back on the drawing board so I don't really expect to start until after the first of the year, at this point, which is going to be interesting, given business trips in February and March, but I know that one way or another, we will work it out. Throughout the process, there has always been some reason for the delays which worked in my favor, so I'm going to continue to envision the finished product and not dwell on the issues that arise. It's all just part of the process.
I've decided that, regardless of the changes that come, I will just embrace them all and make the best of each and every one!
Love and light.
The remodel is back on the drawing board so I don't really expect to start until after the first of the year, at this point, which is going to be interesting, given business trips in February and March, but I know that one way or another, we will work it out. Throughout the process, there has always been some reason for the delays which worked in my favor, so I'm going to continue to envision the finished product and not dwell on the issues that arise. It's all just part of the process.
I've decided that, regardless of the changes that come, I will just embrace them all and make the best of each and every one!
Love and light.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
November 20, 2011 Drastic changes and a need for focus and motivation.
In 11 days, I will begin a new phase of my life, and one for which I'm not really sure I'm ready. In 11 days, I will be the only human inhabitant of my house for the first time in more than 30 years. I am trying to face this as a new and exciting challenge, but it is overshadowed by trepidation because of how I've lived my life without connections for a long time. In less than two weeks, I will face one of the things I've secretly feared more than almost anything. There won't be anyone except the cats to care whether or not I come home at night. Nobody will be waiting inside a warm, cozy house, I won't feel it necessary and comforting to call someone to let them know I'll be late. I don't mean to minimize the love and affection I have with my furry children, and I am extremely grateful that they will still be here, but the truth is, I feel very lost and alone right now. Admittedly, it is my own fault for not establishing more close bonds over the last 20 years or so, and in letting go of the ones I had, but in many cases, at least the letting go part was necessary as I grew and evolved into someone who, normally, sees the positive aspect in everything.
Maybe that's why I'm so scared right now. I'm having a tough time climbing up out of this sad, little hole I've dug for myself. I want to be happy and positive and supportive, but I seem to be sliding back into my old ways and that, in and of itself, is terrifying and frustrating. I even found myself thinking last night that it's a good thing I'm not suicidal like my parents were, or I'd be really worried about me right now. I've shed a lot of tears in the last two days, and know that more will be shed before I figure out where I'm going to go next.
Added to all of this is the fact that, since the remodel hasn't started yet, and, frankly, I'm starting to have doubts that it ever will since the contractor's license is once again active, but they haven't seen fit to contact me, I have to face the rest of the packing up and moving all by myself. I can't even begin to imagine how I'm going to get the furniture moved, much less all the packing and the storing of the boxes! Granted, I should have two completely empty rooms to use for locking up cats and temporary storage, but the task is still incredibly daunting. (of course, the aches from yesterday's weight workout aren't exactly inspiring me to great feats of strength right now!)
I keep telling myself that I can and will take care of myself and my home and my animals, but in reality, I haven't had to do it alone for a very long time. Heather has taken part of the load for years, now. Added to the concerns is two upcoming business trips. I know she'll take care of the cats for me while I'm gone, but it won't be like someone is at the house, watching over things. They won't have someone to snuggle with while I'm gone, and I know they will be very unhappy. And the way things are going, the remodel may still be in progress, no, in all likelihood, at least for the first trip, WILL be in progress, which will shake up their world that much more!
Face it, I'm going to find a million ways to stress myself out in the next few months. What I need is something that will give me calmness. I tried meditating yesterday, and, in fact, had several of the cats on the bed with me including Munchkin who was curled up on my lap, but the visions I had were very disturbing. In one, I went out to the patio to find that my dad had invited a whole bunch of people over for a party without letting me know about it. I was upset because the house was a mess and I hadn't had the opportunity to clean it up, which I would have had he let me know he was bringing people home. I know that I need to get my house in order, literally, and have made little forays into doing so, but can't seem to find it in myself to put forth the really intense effort that is needed right now. I think what I need is a coach to help me stop procrastinating and come up with a plan of action. I also need someone to work with so I don't feel so alone, but as that's not going to happen in the foreseeable future, I need to find the motivation within myself.
In reality, what I lack is at least one really close friend who I can talk to without feeling like I'm taking advantage of their kindness; someone who will give me the kick in the butt I need to get past this. Sadly, although a couple of people have offered to listen, I just don't feel right unloading on them. Kind as they may be, we have a single point of interest (or in some cases, maybe two) in common, and that's it. We don't see each other outside of those points of interest, so I wouldn't see we're really more than close acquaintances. I just don't think it's fair to throw my troubles in their laps. And I have noticed that I've begun watching the interaction between couples with a huge dose of envy. I have to admit that the one word that really describes where I'm at and why I'm so scared is "Lonely".
Love and light
Maybe that's why I'm so scared right now. I'm having a tough time climbing up out of this sad, little hole I've dug for myself. I want to be happy and positive and supportive, but I seem to be sliding back into my old ways and that, in and of itself, is terrifying and frustrating. I even found myself thinking last night that it's a good thing I'm not suicidal like my parents were, or I'd be really worried about me right now. I've shed a lot of tears in the last two days, and know that more will be shed before I figure out where I'm going to go next.
Added to all of this is the fact that, since the remodel hasn't started yet, and, frankly, I'm starting to have doubts that it ever will since the contractor's license is once again active, but they haven't seen fit to contact me, I have to face the rest of the packing up and moving all by myself. I can't even begin to imagine how I'm going to get the furniture moved, much less all the packing and the storing of the boxes! Granted, I should have two completely empty rooms to use for locking up cats and temporary storage, but the task is still incredibly daunting. (of course, the aches from yesterday's weight workout aren't exactly inspiring me to great feats of strength right now!)
I keep telling myself that I can and will take care of myself and my home and my animals, but in reality, I haven't had to do it alone for a very long time. Heather has taken part of the load for years, now. Added to the concerns is two upcoming business trips. I know she'll take care of the cats for me while I'm gone, but it won't be like someone is at the house, watching over things. They won't have someone to snuggle with while I'm gone, and I know they will be very unhappy. And the way things are going, the remodel may still be in progress, no, in all likelihood, at least for the first trip, WILL be in progress, which will shake up their world that much more!
Face it, I'm going to find a million ways to stress myself out in the next few months. What I need is something that will give me calmness. I tried meditating yesterday, and, in fact, had several of the cats on the bed with me including Munchkin who was curled up on my lap, but the visions I had were very disturbing. In one, I went out to the patio to find that my dad had invited a whole bunch of people over for a party without letting me know about it. I was upset because the house was a mess and I hadn't had the opportunity to clean it up, which I would have had he let me know he was bringing people home. I know that I need to get my house in order, literally, and have made little forays into doing so, but can't seem to find it in myself to put forth the really intense effort that is needed right now. I think what I need is a coach to help me stop procrastinating and come up with a plan of action. I also need someone to work with so I don't feel so alone, but as that's not going to happen in the foreseeable future, I need to find the motivation within myself.
In reality, what I lack is at least one really close friend who I can talk to without feeling like I'm taking advantage of their kindness; someone who will give me the kick in the butt I need to get past this. Sadly, although a couple of people have offered to listen, I just don't feel right unloading on them. Kind as they may be, we have a single point of interest (or in some cases, maybe two) in common, and that's it. We don't see each other outside of those points of interest, so I wouldn't see we're really more than close acquaintances. I just don't think it's fair to throw my troubles in their laps. And I have noticed that I've begun watching the interaction between couples with a huge dose of envy. I have to admit that the one word that really describes where I'm at and why I'm so scared is "Lonely".
Love and light
Saturday, November 19, 2011
November 19, 2011 Thoughts on Thanksgiving
I used to love Thanksgiving. It was the day that started two or three days earlier with the girls and I gathering in the kitchen to do our annual, all from scratch meal. At first, they would just hang around talking to me while I chopped, sliced, diced, mixed and cooked, but as they got older, they became an integral part of the process. Through the years, we modified and improved on our recipes, adding new standards and celebrating with friends and family.
But in the last few years, things have been changing. Family has passed on or moved on, one daughter moved out (and subsequently gave us the worst Thanksgiving ever a couple of years ago) and the few friends we had included moved away as well until it was only Heather, me, her current boyfriend and one friend she'd coerce into coming so he wouldn't be alone. But here it is, four days before the "big day" and I'm faced with a daughter who's moving out in the middle of her education, a house that's half torn up waiting for a remodel that, now, only me and the cats will truly enjoy (at least until I kick off when Heather will get it all), and what appears to be a day I'll spend alone with the cats, eating whatever I feel inclined to throw together. And so another tradition dies.
I find myself realizing that having my daughter as my best friend was very short sighted because in the natural course of events, she must move on. So this year will be a year of "lasts". Last birthday spent together, last concert we enjoyed, last of the shared day-to-day stuff that goes on. But it will also be a year of "firsts". First year without a Thanksgiving. First year of no holiday decorations. First year I won't have to go online on Thanksgiving night to find the perfect Christmas presents dirt cheap. And the first year I can take my entire paycheck and blow it on myself because there will be nobody around who needs to be fed and clothed, nobody who will care if they don't get the annual Christmas pajamas and book with a personal inscription and nobody to nag me because I haven't gotten the house ready for Christmas. The cats will have to do without their indoor tree to climb. Had I realized last year that it would be the last real holiday season for me, would I have made the effort to make it better? I don't really know. But at least, thanks to digital photography, I have memories I can walk through from the last few years to remind me of times when holidays were really joyful.
Love and light
But in the last few years, things have been changing. Family has passed on or moved on, one daughter moved out (and subsequently gave us the worst Thanksgiving ever a couple of years ago) and the few friends we had included moved away as well until it was only Heather, me, her current boyfriend and one friend she'd coerce into coming so he wouldn't be alone. But here it is, four days before the "big day" and I'm faced with a daughter who's moving out in the middle of her education, a house that's half torn up waiting for a remodel that, now, only me and the cats will truly enjoy (at least until I kick off when Heather will get it all), and what appears to be a day I'll spend alone with the cats, eating whatever I feel inclined to throw together. And so another tradition dies.
I find myself realizing that having my daughter as my best friend was very short sighted because in the natural course of events, she must move on. So this year will be a year of "lasts". Last birthday spent together, last concert we enjoyed, last of the shared day-to-day stuff that goes on. But it will also be a year of "firsts". First year without a Thanksgiving. First year of no holiday decorations. First year I won't have to go online on Thanksgiving night to find the perfect Christmas presents dirt cheap. And the first year I can take my entire paycheck and blow it on myself because there will be nobody around who needs to be fed and clothed, nobody who will care if they don't get the annual Christmas pajamas and book with a personal inscription and nobody to nag me because I haven't gotten the house ready for Christmas. The cats will have to do without their indoor tree to climb. Had I realized last year that it would be the last real holiday season for me, would I have made the effort to make it better? I don't really know. But at least, thanks to digital photography, I have memories I can walk through from the last few years to remind me of times when holidays were really joyful.
Love and light
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
November 15, 2011 Vegas is NOT relaxing!
So, I had a wonderful drive from Cali to NV yesterday. Blue skies, sunroof open, dinner and a little dancing with a friend and of course, a walk down Las Vegas Blvd. to watch the eternal show! I just love watching all of the people and hearing the different accents and languages. It's like an international festival of sorts.
However, my worst concerns about work were realized as a whole bunch of emails were flying by the time I returned to my room after today's seminar. Worse, if they don't get me the information tonight, they're going to have to wait until Thursday as I need to be out of here before I go to tomorrow's session! This is when I really could use a card for connecting while on the go, but they just can't justify those things for the bean counter even when she's also getting geared up to ensure compliance (at least officially, since I've been a FAR pain in everyone's backside for awhile now!) But it's so nice to feel needed! :)
Had a great time last night with Joleen at Gilley's and just walkin' the strip. We did quite a bit of walking which suits both of us fine, although we could have done without the guy walking down the street, smoking a big, fat, stinky cigar! Not much going on at Gilley's on a Monday night, but enough to give me a couple of dances. And had a delightful visit with my old friend, Michael and his lady, Kathy. We enjoyed the food and entertainment at Margaritaville (and yes, I did indulge, but only one) then I got to see their home and meet their two cats and very friendly dog. We had a nice, long visit and were able to talk for a couple of hours without all of the commotion common to the strip. I am so grateful for all of my friends, both old and new. I'm glad I'm getting the opportunity to attend these seminars,. The one today was extremely informative! But it's a real bonus to get to see some friends in the process! I've promised to let them all know when I'll be back in February.
Anyway, I need to get an early start tomorrow as I have to get my stuff in the car and get checked out before going back for day 2 of the seminar, and I need to get breakfast as well! Maybe I'll move a little faster in the morning!
Love and light.
However, my worst concerns about work were realized as a whole bunch of emails were flying by the time I returned to my room after today's seminar. Worse, if they don't get me the information tonight, they're going to have to wait until Thursday as I need to be out of here before I go to tomorrow's session! This is when I really could use a card for connecting while on the go, but they just can't justify those things for the bean counter even when she's also getting geared up to ensure compliance (at least officially, since I've been a FAR pain in everyone's backside for awhile now!) But it's so nice to feel needed! :)
Had a great time last night with Joleen at Gilley's and just walkin' the strip. We did quite a bit of walking which suits both of us fine, although we could have done without the guy walking down the street, smoking a big, fat, stinky cigar! Not much going on at Gilley's on a Monday night, but enough to give me a couple of dances. And had a delightful visit with my old friend, Michael and his lady, Kathy. We enjoyed the food and entertainment at Margaritaville (and yes, I did indulge, but only one) then I got to see their home and meet their two cats and very friendly dog. We had a nice, long visit and were able to talk for a couple of hours without all of the commotion common to the strip. I am so grateful for all of my friends, both old and new. I'm glad I'm getting the opportunity to attend these seminars,. The one today was extremely informative! But it's a real bonus to get to see some friends in the process! I've promised to let them all know when I'll be back in February.
Anyway, I need to get an early start tomorrow as I have to get my stuff in the car and get checked out before going back for day 2 of the seminar, and I need to get breakfast as well! Maybe I'll move a little faster in the morning!
Love and light.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
November 10, 2011 It's a brand, new day!
Yesterday's announced changes are already leading to some interesting stuff. My brain cells are frolicking at the opportunities for adding new knowledge! I will have to spend some time, however, reassuring Mr. Dylan as the pursuit of knowledge means that I will have to leave town for a few days at a time at least 3 times in the next 6 months, and possibly more.
Danced like crazy tonight, and had a great time until those young whippersnappers started running us off the floor. I remember when I had that much energy and my knees and back didn't ache after too much exertion! Their time will come too! But meanwhile, we get our dancing in early, and they close the place! Fair is fair! And I got a lot of line dancing, a few couples dances and some two stepping in, so I'm good!
Short post tonight, but I'm trying to at least get something in. I'm going to bed after I finish my liquid muscle relaxer and hope this bag of frozen corn will do the rest of the job. Otherwise, I have to try to get in to see the chiropractor tomorrow! Can't drive 5+ hours with my back spasming!
Love and light.
Danced like crazy tonight, and had a great time until those young whippersnappers started running us off the floor. I remember when I had that much energy and my knees and back didn't ache after too much exertion! Their time will come too! But meanwhile, we get our dancing in early, and they close the place! Fair is fair! And I got a lot of line dancing, a few couples dances and some two stepping in, so I'm good!
Short post tonight, but I'm trying to at least get something in. I'm going to bed after I finish my liquid muscle relaxer and hope this bag of frozen corn will do the rest of the job. Otherwise, I have to try to get in to see the chiropractor tomorrow! Can't drive 5+ hours with my back spasming!
Love and light.
November 9, 2011 The times, they are a'changin' revisited
It seems that changes are definitely upon me, though, whether for better or worse is, as yet, to be determined. I'm sure that in the long run, they will be highly beneficial, but some feel a bit like a punishment more than a reward at the moment. But I know that with distance comes perspective, so I will allow some time to pass before making my determination. On one issue, though, I'm somewhat relieved. And the opportunity to spend more time learning will be welcome as well. I can almost feel the brain cells jumping up and down with joy, and the aging process going in reverse as a result.
Along with the changes, I seem to be experiencing continued communication problems. This time, when I try to respond to a text from my contractor, I get a test back from a weird number telling me that I entered an invalid mobile number for my text! I finally left him a voice mail telling him my texts weren't going through, to which he responded that he'd call me when he came down off of the mountain. Now, that conjurs up some interesting images as he is an older fellow with longish hair and a kind of rustic look to him. I can definitely picture him taking on the mountain, as it were! I'm sure things will resolve themselves in due time, and I've already resolved myself to accept this latest delay as another necessary piece in the puzzle that has been the second half of 2011, so my focus, now, is just to have a meeting with the "boys", get on track and hopefully see the addition part of the job started in a week or two.
Dance class was fun last night even if my right shoulder eventually took issue with the behind the back part of the pattern. I was a bit achy this morning, but I think the more I move, the better it will feel. I got some very nice two-stepping in, though, as well as a couple of WCS and a nightclub two-step, which I almost never get to do except in class on Monday nights, so this girl went home tired and happy to another serving of Heather's fresh made stew. (I admit, I was ready to be good and just have a yogurt when I got home, but the whole house smelled so yummy that I succumbed!)
And so, the newest round of changes in my life begin. I'm going to just hop on and enjoy the ride, whether it's a ferris wheel or another roller coaster! Yee haw!
Love and light.
Along with the changes, I seem to be experiencing continued communication problems. This time, when I try to respond to a text from my contractor, I get a test back from a weird number telling me that I entered an invalid mobile number for my text! I finally left him a voice mail telling him my texts weren't going through, to which he responded that he'd call me when he came down off of the mountain. Now, that conjurs up some interesting images as he is an older fellow with longish hair and a kind of rustic look to him. I can definitely picture him taking on the mountain, as it were! I'm sure things will resolve themselves in due time, and I've already resolved myself to accept this latest delay as another necessary piece in the puzzle that has been the second half of 2011, so my focus, now, is just to have a meeting with the "boys", get on track and hopefully see the addition part of the job started in a week or two.
Dance class was fun last night even if my right shoulder eventually took issue with the behind the back part of the pattern. I was a bit achy this morning, but I think the more I move, the better it will feel. I got some very nice two-stepping in, though, as well as a couple of WCS and a nightclub two-step, which I almost never get to do except in class on Monday nights, so this girl went home tired and happy to another serving of Heather's fresh made stew. (I admit, I was ready to be good and just have a yogurt when I got home, but the whole house smelled so yummy that I succumbed!)
And so, the newest round of changes in my life begin. I'm going to just hop on and enjoy the ride, whether it's a ferris wheel or another roller coaster! Yee haw!
Love and light.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
November 8, 2011 Pondering Numeralogicals
For the last several days, I have been pondering the brouhaha surrounding the preponderance of 1's in Friday's date. They range from religious and scientific sectors who attempt to discredit anyone else's suggestion that there could be a significance to those who insist that there is a spiritual, mystical implication, and those who take some sort of middle ground (though I think those are far less well represented). But for the numeralogically inclined, the number 1 is definitely a significant one as, by it's very nature, it represents beginnings. When we count, we typically start with 1 and continue by 1's until we reach our target. Someone who wins a race or contest is said to be in 1st place. First-born children are said to share certain characteristics. The list is endless.
I'll admit that I am one who has seen a lot of instances of 11:11 and 1:11 on my digital clocks over the last couple of years, and rather than attributing it to chance or to the fact that I'm keyed to notice those times of day, I believe that having embarked on some new paths is what really makes me focus on 1's. I read in another blog that seeing those times can be a reminder that you're on the right track, or perhaps, to stop procrastinating and get back on track. In truth, I believe it is like dreams. The interpretation is really dependent upon a person's history. If someone was frightened by a cat when they were small, having a cat in a dream would probably be unpleasant, but if they always feel warm and comforted by the presence of a cat, the dream would be seen in a completely different light.
The same would be true of those 1's. If a person was always striving for first place but was always bested, especially if it was a sibling or someone close, seeing 1's might just be a painful reminder. If they feared change and liked being in a steady, predictable situation, again, 1's could be rather frightening. But for the adventurers, the easily bored with repetition, the 1's, taking those first steps on a new path, could well be exhilirating.
For me, seeing a lot of 1's makes me picture the Aces from the Tarot; those cards which, when found in a spread, indicate taking off on a new adventure, getting outside the box, the comfort zone and finding the magic. I know I've seen more Aces and 1's since I made some major changes in my life, and I get such a charge out of seeing them, that I'm inclined to find new and different things to try (although bungie jumping and fried twinkies are still out!) just to see more of them. My very favorite is the Ace of Wands in my Spiral deck which depicts a giant hand wielding a flaming staff. The card is all vibrant in reds, yellows and greens and I can almost feel the energy emanating from it when I happen upon it. It makes me feel as if anything I might undertake at that moment will rush, full speed ahead to an amazing and exciting conclusion which, if I'm lucky, will lead to something even more amazing and exciting.
At this point, in the realm of new beginnings, I'm going to set the intention that my much-delayed remodeling project will see a huge burst of positive energy by/on Friday November 11, 2011. Although I have determined that it would be best to leave my kitchen intact until after Thanksgiving, this would be a great time to start the addition so that, by the time the holiday passes, they might be able to knock the wall out and actually do the whole area at once instead of in bits and pieces as they were projecting lately. Again, as has been true throughout the process, the delays are truly a blessing in disguise.
And I still have nearly two months to find that dance partner before the year is over! :)
Love and light.
I'll admit that I am one who has seen a lot of instances of 11:11 and 1:11 on my digital clocks over the last couple of years, and rather than attributing it to chance or to the fact that I'm keyed to notice those times of day, I believe that having embarked on some new paths is what really makes me focus on 1's. I read in another blog that seeing those times can be a reminder that you're on the right track, or perhaps, to stop procrastinating and get back on track. In truth, I believe it is like dreams. The interpretation is really dependent upon a person's history. If someone was frightened by a cat when they were small, having a cat in a dream would probably be unpleasant, but if they always feel warm and comforted by the presence of a cat, the dream would be seen in a completely different light.
The same would be true of those 1's. If a person was always striving for first place but was always bested, especially if it was a sibling or someone close, seeing 1's might just be a painful reminder. If they feared change and liked being in a steady, predictable situation, again, 1's could be rather frightening. But for the adventurers, the easily bored with repetition, the 1's, taking those first steps on a new path, could well be exhilirating.
For me, seeing a lot of 1's makes me picture the Aces from the Tarot; those cards which, when found in a spread, indicate taking off on a new adventure, getting outside the box, the comfort zone and finding the magic. I know I've seen more Aces and 1's since I made some major changes in my life, and I get such a charge out of seeing them, that I'm inclined to find new and different things to try (although bungie jumping and fried twinkies are still out!) just to see more of them. My very favorite is the Ace of Wands in my Spiral deck which depicts a giant hand wielding a flaming staff. The card is all vibrant in reds, yellows and greens and I can almost feel the energy emanating from it when I happen upon it. It makes me feel as if anything I might undertake at that moment will rush, full speed ahead to an amazing and exciting conclusion which, if I'm lucky, will lead to something even more amazing and exciting.
At this point, in the realm of new beginnings, I'm going to set the intention that my much-delayed remodeling project will see a huge burst of positive energy by/on Friday November 11, 2011. Although I have determined that it would be best to leave my kitchen intact until after Thanksgiving, this would be a great time to start the addition so that, by the time the holiday passes, they might be able to knock the wall out and actually do the whole area at once instead of in bits and pieces as they were projecting lately. Again, as has been true throughout the process, the delays are truly a blessing in disguise.
And I still have nearly two months to find that dance partner before the year is over! :)
Love and light.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
October 30, 2011 The spell is broken!
Yesterday, I spent a really wonderful day, chasing all over the Valley for a pair of shoes! Now, before you think I've lost my mind and turned into one of those women who lusts after a pair of designer shoes with an obscene price tag, I went looking for dance shoes! If I'm going to dance 4+ nights a week, I need to give my feet a change up. Also, after dancing for a couple of weeks in my suede bottomed, dance boots, I wore my dance rubber soled sneaks and tweaked the tendon or whatever it is (someone said "MCL"?) that runs behind my knee and spent two days icing and resting it. Fortunately, by last night it was as good as new! We also discovered a delicious Japanese barbecue place that I now know is part of a chain because several friends commented on my Facebook check-in.
But that wasn't the strange part of the day, though I did get, not one, but two new pairs of dance shoes, and each of the kids got sneaks (though we had to send Mathom back for his while we waited for our lunch to be served as he was stubbornly clinging to his comfy and familiar boots. As these new sneaks have suede bottoms, I suspect his dancing skills will increase exponentially now that he won't be sticking to the floor!
At any rate, I spent a good part of the day with a very strong feeling that someone who normally does not dance on Saturday nights would be there, possibly before I even arrived, and the rest of the day trying to convince myself that it was just wishful thinking. When I arrived at Borderline, I breathed a sigh of relief that I'd convinced myself, but my relief was short-lived. But there were several people at my table and he kept his distance for awhile. As the evening grew later and people left, I did get to dance with him a bit more, and to my surprise, found that the smooth, easiness and connection we used to have was gone. I don't know if it was on my part or his, but, in some cases, his lead was awkward and there was a repeat of Thursday night when he missed catches after turns. I don't really know if it's just me turning faster, or him catching slower or just the fact that we're out of sync now. It doesn't really matter because the important thing is, the spell has been broken. I can see him as a dance partner and maybe a friend at some point, but that is all. The rose colored glasses have come off and I see the warts as well as the qualities. I gave him a quick hug as I said goodnight, and felt like a weight had been lifted.
Part of the process has allowed me to see that, in spending too much time thinking about him, I was thwarting whatever plans the Universe has for me, as I was continuing to attract or be attracted by the wrong thing, and leaving no room for the right one.
As I sat and observed between dances, I noticed two somewhat younger blonde women sitting on the rail. The guys were hovering around them like bees, two in particular, which didn't stop some of the others from asking them to dance. As I drove home, I thought to myself that I don't think I'd have liked having those two guys sticking like glue, but really have no idea what their likes or dislikes are. I guess I wouldn't be a very good cute, blonde woman because the attention they seem to draw would annoy me rather than amuse me. I guess I'm just right the way I am!
I had a wonderful time running around, getting pictures of everyone, costumed or not! Some folks were incredibly clever including a woman dressed as Barbie who even brought the pink box to stand in for the costume contest, and the couple who rode (and wore) their horses! Watching them dance with their horses was nothing short of hysterical!
I got a lot of dancing in, broke in one of my new pairs of shoes and all in all, had a blast! Happy Halloween!
Love and light
But that wasn't the strange part of the day, though I did get, not one, but two new pairs of dance shoes, and each of the kids got sneaks (though we had to send Mathom back for his while we waited for our lunch to be served as he was stubbornly clinging to his comfy and familiar boots. As these new sneaks have suede bottoms, I suspect his dancing skills will increase exponentially now that he won't be sticking to the floor!
At any rate, I spent a good part of the day with a very strong feeling that someone who normally does not dance on Saturday nights would be there, possibly before I even arrived, and the rest of the day trying to convince myself that it was just wishful thinking. When I arrived at Borderline, I breathed a sigh of relief that I'd convinced myself, but my relief was short-lived. But there were several people at my table and he kept his distance for awhile. As the evening grew later and people left, I did get to dance with him a bit more, and to my surprise, found that the smooth, easiness and connection we used to have was gone. I don't know if it was on my part or his, but, in some cases, his lead was awkward and there was a repeat of Thursday night when he missed catches after turns. I don't really know if it's just me turning faster, or him catching slower or just the fact that we're out of sync now. It doesn't really matter because the important thing is, the spell has been broken. I can see him as a dance partner and maybe a friend at some point, but that is all. The rose colored glasses have come off and I see the warts as well as the qualities. I gave him a quick hug as I said goodnight, and felt like a weight had been lifted.
Part of the process has allowed me to see that, in spending too much time thinking about him, I was thwarting whatever plans the Universe has for me, as I was continuing to attract or be attracted by the wrong thing, and leaving no room for the right one.
As I sat and observed between dances, I noticed two somewhat younger blonde women sitting on the rail. The guys were hovering around them like bees, two in particular, which didn't stop some of the others from asking them to dance. As I drove home, I thought to myself that I don't think I'd have liked having those two guys sticking like glue, but really have no idea what their likes or dislikes are. I guess I wouldn't be a very good cute, blonde woman because the attention they seem to draw would annoy me rather than amuse me. I guess I'm just right the way I am!
I had a wonderful time running around, getting pictures of everyone, costumed or not! Some folks were incredibly clever including a woman dressed as Barbie who even brought the pink box to stand in for the costume contest, and the couple who rode (and wore) their horses! Watching them dance with their horses was nothing short of hysterical!
I got a lot of dancing in, broke in one of my new pairs of shoes and all in all, had a blast! Happy Halloween!
Love and light
Friday, October 28, 2011
October 28, 2011 Prqctice dance partner needed!!!
It occurs to me as my dancing time increases, that I would really like to work on my technique more, while still getting a lot of dancing in, but I really, really, really need someone I can practice with so I can focus on the correct way to do things! I know I've put out the call before, but I'm going to reiterate it with more emotion because, please Universe, I REALLY need someone who can give me the opportunity to get better at WCS, two-step and nightclub two-step! I want to be able to go to workshops and actually retain some of the material! Is this too much to ask for an admitted dance addict? I really need my fix, and I need a higher level fix now than I used to! If I need to venture further afield to find this crazy dancer guy who matches my dance craziness, so be it, but give me a sign (I know I'm asking for it now, as when I give ol' Universe permission, I get much more than I asked for!)
There must be something in the wind as "anxiety stomach" is in full swing, and a far as I know, the only thing on the agenda for tonight is a stop on the way home for some sushi and a quiet night at home. None of this should be setting off the alarm bells which cause my stomach to misbehave. So is this another false alarm, or will my plans have some kind of unexpected upheaval? Those things which have been setting it off lately are about as likely as a snowstorm in July in L.A., so I'm really wondering what the heck is going on with my innards! Are they becoming unreliable? Or just sporadically so? I guess the answer will come somewhere between now and lights out tonight!
I'm thinking that maybe I'm just being warned to stop fixating on things so the Universe can help me maximize my intentions!
And sushi, a quiet night at home and icing the tendon or whatever it is on the back of the knee, which I apparently abused last night were the perfect end of a great week and the perfect beginning for what I'm sure will be a lovely weekend!
Love and light.
There must be something in the wind as "anxiety stomach" is in full swing, and a far as I know, the only thing on the agenda for tonight is a stop on the way home for some sushi and a quiet night at home. None of this should be setting off the alarm bells which cause my stomach to misbehave. So is this another false alarm, or will my plans have some kind of unexpected upheaval? Those things which have been setting it off lately are about as likely as a snowstorm in July in L.A., so I'm really wondering what the heck is going on with my innards! Are they becoming unreliable? Or just sporadically so? I guess the answer will come somewhere between now and lights out tonight!
I'm thinking that maybe I'm just being warned to stop fixating on things so the Universe can help me maximize my intentions!
And sushi, a quiet night at home and icing the tendon or whatever it is on the back of the knee, which I apparently abused last night were the perfect end of a great week and the perfect beginning for what I'm sure will be a lovely weekend!
Love and light.
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