As life gets crazier with work, wedding plans, dancing, exercising and chores, I'm finding, believe it or not, that finding my joy is becoming easier every day. In fact, last weekend while running some of those errands with the kids, I jokingly told Mathom that when he was grouchy I had to be more joyful to balance out the grouchiness. As my joy continued to grow, unchecked, he said he wasn't being grumpy, so why was I getting even more giddy? I told him that somewhere, somebody was being grumpy, so I had to continue to be even more joyful to balance out their grumpiness. I'm not sure he got it, or maybe he just figured I was being so annoyingly cheerful it was nauseating, but the fact is, the more I thought about it, the more I found the value and truth in my supposition. And as I found value and truth, I found more joy, and as I found more joy, I found more value and truth, until, soon, I found myself bursting with a joy that has no limits, and as my joy became limitless, so, too, did the little seeds I planted recently, and I saw them popping up and reaching for the stars! Conversations I'm having lately are exuding synchronicity and opportunities to see that my seeds not only grow, not only thrive, not merely flourish, but bear crops of unimaginable proportions and it's already happening! In discussing one such seed with a friend, she added nutrients to my soil, and indicated that fulfilling my dream would be beneficial to her as well, and, in fact, we could teach each other what we know, making both of us more valuable, and also allowing each other more room to grow and breathe and thrive!
I'm feeling myself connecting more and more with other people, and feeling those connections are an integral part of achieving, no, exceeding my goals.
A few days ago, I was thinking that as I felt healthier, I was also feeling taller and lighter. As I was thinking, feeling and walking taller, someone actually told me that the outfit I was wearing made me look tall! I thanked her, but kept my tall thinking to myself. I found it interesting that in feeling taller, I projected the image onto others around me! Imagine what I can do with other aspects of my life now that I've learned this little secret! The Universe has been right all along! We truly have no limits other than those we set for ourselves, when we believe that we have limits at all.
So the thought for the day? Limitless Joy! Because if joy is limitless, everything else is too!
Love, light and limitless joy!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
March 27, 2012 Energy and consistency
I started taking bee pollen that my daughter brought me a few days ago. It's pretty tasty when mixed with some greek yogurt (either fat free or otherwise) and I've found that it seems to give me more energy during the day, although it isn't going to replace lost sleep! I started with the full tablespoon as recommended on the jar, although the lady at the vitamin store insisted that you should start with a single grain and work up to maybe a teaspoon. When I asked why, she said that people can't handle the extra energy all at once! I don't know if it's because I'm naturally hyper at times, or because I am somewhat active, but I really like the rush of energy I get in the morning, and I feel like I'm just more able to tackle the day, even when I'm tired. And even after working all day, I come home and easily accomplish a few chores as soon as I walk through the door! So, I'll continue with my tablespoon a day in my yogurt and who knows? I may even up it to two tablespoons, morning and afternoon!
As I go into my meditations in the afternoon, I'm trying to focus on something in particular. Yesterday, because I hadn't gotten enough sleep, my focus was on energy and when I closed my eyes, I saw a volcano, but instead of pouring out hot lava, it was, at first, pouring out beautiful reddish-pink flowers and once the flowers were through, the top of the mountain was crackling with energy. Today I just drifted, letting thoughts go in and out of my brain, pondering a weird dream I had last night with people from my past. But in this case, it was people I wasn't really overly interested in reconnecting with, and they were very patronizing anyway. In fact, they asked me to wait outside at a picnic table, and as I sat there starting to feel annoyed, I realized that I was much happier being away from them anyway, and was trying to figure out why I even bothered to wait for them. When I got up to leave, another person from my past crossed my path. In the dream I was happy to see him, but in real life, I'm rather ambivalent. Either way, I was away from those whose company I was less than overjoyed with, and able to move on to more pleasant places and things. But it leaves me wondering if there is something from my past that my mind is trying to tell me I need to release, but it isn't quite able to pinpoint what it is, so it keeps showing me people and places to see if it will trigger something that will tell me what it is I'm still carrying around.
I suppose this will be an ongoing theme in my meditations until the real issue surfaces and I'm able to accept and release it. It also may be part of the reason my throat chakra has been blocked lately. Which reminds me that I haven't done an alignment in quite awhile, although my massage therapist did an amazing job moving things back into place on Saturday. Although she headed me in the right direction, I know that I still need to work on myself for everything to get back into balance.
I'm also craving sweets again, but more specifically, chocolate. Yet, when I eat some, it's not satisfying and I find myself wondering why I bothered to eat it. Is this just an indication of overall confusion? This seems odd as I just planted my seeds for the year and, in fact, picture myself watering them and pulling out weeds during part of my meditation. They're just wee little sprouts right now, but the soil around them is rich and there is a marvelous feeling of joy around them. I know these seeds will grow and thrive this year as none of my others have thus far. They were planted with so much love and gratitude that they are almost supercharged from the start.
I see this seed planting as similar to giving birth. I've brought these little beings into the world yet I know that they are independent beings I can love and guide, protect for a little while, but ultimately, release out into the world where they will leave their own marks. I don't really feel a need to watch them every moment because I know they are in good hands, and I am sure worrying over them a lot less than I do my kids! (thank goodness!)
The cats have all been more clingy and needy lately too. It is rare that I don't have at least one or two hovering close and often one in my lap telling me that whatever I'm doing isn't half as important as paying attention to them! This is especially true of my three boys! Dylan is forever beside me while Toby and Scooby take turns in my lap! Do they sense the new lives I'm nurturing now? Do they sense major changes coming into our lives? They don't seem worried as much as they seem to want to be a part of whatever it is I'm doing.
And on the way home from work, I found myself singing silly, joyful songs, and realized that I am truly happy! What I'm doing and where I am doesn't really matter. I'm just happy being me! So now, I'll be doing more to share the Joy!
Love and light
As I go into my meditations in the afternoon, I'm trying to focus on something in particular. Yesterday, because I hadn't gotten enough sleep, my focus was on energy and when I closed my eyes, I saw a volcano, but instead of pouring out hot lava, it was, at first, pouring out beautiful reddish-pink flowers and once the flowers were through, the top of the mountain was crackling with energy. Today I just drifted, letting thoughts go in and out of my brain, pondering a weird dream I had last night with people from my past. But in this case, it was people I wasn't really overly interested in reconnecting with, and they were very patronizing anyway. In fact, they asked me to wait outside at a picnic table, and as I sat there starting to feel annoyed, I realized that I was much happier being away from them anyway, and was trying to figure out why I even bothered to wait for them. When I got up to leave, another person from my past crossed my path. In the dream I was happy to see him, but in real life, I'm rather ambivalent. Either way, I was away from those whose company I was less than overjoyed with, and able to move on to more pleasant places and things. But it leaves me wondering if there is something from my past that my mind is trying to tell me I need to release, but it isn't quite able to pinpoint what it is, so it keeps showing me people and places to see if it will trigger something that will tell me what it is I'm still carrying around.
I suppose this will be an ongoing theme in my meditations until the real issue surfaces and I'm able to accept and release it. It also may be part of the reason my throat chakra has been blocked lately. Which reminds me that I haven't done an alignment in quite awhile, although my massage therapist did an amazing job moving things back into place on Saturday. Although she headed me in the right direction, I know that I still need to work on myself for everything to get back into balance.
I'm also craving sweets again, but more specifically, chocolate. Yet, when I eat some, it's not satisfying and I find myself wondering why I bothered to eat it. Is this just an indication of overall confusion? This seems odd as I just planted my seeds for the year and, in fact, picture myself watering them and pulling out weeds during part of my meditation. They're just wee little sprouts right now, but the soil around them is rich and there is a marvelous feeling of joy around them. I know these seeds will grow and thrive this year as none of my others have thus far. They were planted with so much love and gratitude that they are almost supercharged from the start.
I see this seed planting as similar to giving birth. I've brought these little beings into the world yet I know that they are independent beings I can love and guide, protect for a little while, but ultimately, release out into the world where they will leave their own marks. I don't really feel a need to watch them every moment because I know they are in good hands, and I am sure worrying over them a lot less than I do my kids! (thank goodness!)
The cats have all been more clingy and needy lately too. It is rare that I don't have at least one or two hovering close and often one in my lap telling me that whatever I'm doing isn't half as important as paying attention to them! This is especially true of my three boys! Dylan is forever beside me while Toby and Scooby take turns in my lap! Do they sense the new lives I'm nurturing now? Do they sense major changes coming into our lives? They don't seem worried as much as they seem to want to be a part of whatever it is I'm doing.
And on the way home from work, I found myself singing silly, joyful songs, and realized that I am truly happy! What I'm doing and where I am doesn't really matter. I'm just happy being me! So now, I'll be doing more to share the Joy!
Love and light
Sunday, March 25, 2012
March 25, 2012 Spring is for setting intentions and planting seeds
Today I spent some time meditating and planting the seeds to be carefully tended throughout the year. In so doing, I realized that I no longer needed to plant one for increased health, stamina and energy because I'm well on my way. That particular seed is well on it's way to becoming a giant tree. So I turned my focus to three things, plus one which was essentially dropped for awhile. These things cover all of the major aspects of my life in their own way and involve the Arts, Hearth and Home, Financial prosperity and career satisfaction and finally, the one I have been avoiding for a long time, emotional completion. As with all of my intentions over the last year or so,. I have put them out there, planted the seeds, as it were, and will let the Universe carry them where it may. Although I will nurture my seedlings, I will not dictate how and where they grow. I know that in doing so, I will most likely stunt their growth instead of allowing them to grow up as tall and strong as they might if left to grow in the direction they need to. Like children, we may guide and give advice, but the ultimate decisions on direction and distance belong to them. Our intentions are no different. We cannot possibly see all of the possible outcomes, nor can we determine which will be the best for our intentions. The Universal wisdom is a much better guide. Certainly as a part of that Universal Wisdom, I will be part of that guidance, but only a small part, and certainly not enough to alter the direction taken. For now, I am content with knowing that I have planted those four little seeds and will watch them grow and flourish throughout 2012. As the year began, so shall it proceed; as an amazing, eventful, inspiring year in which I will learn much and accomplish more than I ever have before.
Already I see changes in myself I would never have dreamed possible even a year ago. So many wonderful people have become a part of my life that I am overflowing with gratitude and positive energy every minute of every day. Even my relationship with my daughter is stronger than ever, and my rebel child is coming around more frequently as well.
That isn't to say that the crazy, vivid and sometimes scary dreams are not still part of the scenario, but shaking off the angry ones is easier and cathartic now. I find it easier and easier to remember to send love and light instead of anger and frustration, to accept those who have wished me ill and above all, to forgive. I'm far from perfect and have many more lessons to learn, but find that positive energy begets positive energy, and if each of us shares a bit with someone else, and they share some and so on and so on, it won't be long before we can crowd the negative energy right out of the equation, or at least return to a balanced state. I do understand that just as too much chaos is problematic, so is an abundance of calm. Things need a certain amount of stirring up in order to encourage creativity and change. Stagnation is not an option!
And it is change which encourages us to plant our seeds in the Spring, nurture them through the summer and fall until we harvest their fruits allowing the plants to grow and prosper for many cycles to come.
Love and light
Already I see changes in myself I would never have dreamed possible even a year ago. So many wonderful people have become a part of my life that I am overflowing with gratitude and positive energy every minute of every day. Even my relationship with my daughter is stronger than ever, and my rebel child is coming around more frequently as well.
That isn't to say that the crazy, vivid and sometimes scary dreams are not still part of the scenario, but shaking off the angry ones is easier and cathartic now. I find it easier and easier to remember to send love and light instead of anger and frustration, to accept those who have wished me ill and above all, to forgive. I'm far from perfect and have many more lessons to learn, but find that positive energy begets positive energy, and if each of us shares a bit with someone else, and they share some and so on and so on, it won't be long before we can crowd the negative energy right out of the equation, or at least return to a balanced state. I do understand that just as too much chaos is problematic, so is an abundance of calm. Things need a certain amount of stirring up in order to encourage creativity and change. Stagnation is not an option!
And it is change which encourages us to plant our seeds in the Spring, nurture them through the summer and fall until we harvest their fruits allowing the plants to grow and prosper for many cycles to come.
Love and light
Sunday, March 18, 2012
March 18, 2012 New motto: Always expect the unexpected
Woke up this morning after fussing with rash revisited on my right leg half the night, dragged myself to the coffee pot and ingested two cups of strong caffeine, trying to get myself to start the day. I must have tripped over Loki four times and Toby twice on my way to that first jolt, but managed to get most of the java inside me! So there I was, finally getting around to putting my contacts in and vacillating over which chore to start first when I hear the unmistakeable ring tone which signals a call from my oldest by two minutes daughter. "Do you have plans today?" she said. "nooooo" I answered cautiously. "Do you want to go to the zoo????" she asked, excitement building in her voice. There's nothing my daughter likes better than communing with the animals.
So much for quiet, lazy, restful day doing laundry and paying bills. (OK, so I'm a sucker for a zoo too!) After grabbing breakfast at our favorite eating spot, we headed up to Santa Barbara for a leisurely walk through intermittent rain, up hills and down dales, feeding giraffes and laughing at the antics of the river otters for a nice, three hour visit. Of course, by then, we'd worked up an appetite again, so we set our sights on a local eatery. After a couple of false starts and a fair amount of walking around downtown Santa Barbara, we ended up at a little Mexican place which was actually quite amazing! The food was good, the service was excellent and it was nice and warm! A winning combination if you ask me! (did I mention the temperature was in the low 50's with a brisk, freezing wind?) Fortified with cocoa, guacamole and pozole we headed home to let the kids retrieve their animals who were at my house for another visit, and so I could make my weekly trek to Trader Joe's to ensure a healthy week of lunches.
Needless to say, my body was much happier being active today instead of lugging laundry baskets and sitting on my tush. And tomorrow, more wedding stuff! The fun never ends, and I'm incredibly grateful for making the decision to hold off on the remodel. The flexibility to just do things on the spur of the moment, or join Heather to do more planning and preparation for the wedding has taken my stress level down to the point where I feel very calm and relaxed most of the time.
Sometimes just remembering to put one foot in front of the other and not worry about the mechanics of it is all we need to simplify and de-stress our lives. Also, knowing when to admit that you've taken on more than is realistic and to take the necessary steps to lighten your load is not only good for your sanity, but I think that, in the end, better decisions are made because you're not rushing into anything just to get a task off your plate. I am grateful for the wisdom to realize and admit that I have taken on too much, and for the humility to rearrange things so that, while my cup may runneth over, my plate does not.
I'll end this with one of my favorite quotes: "To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose..."
Love and light.
So much for quiet, lazy, restful day doing laundry and paying bills. (OK, so I'm a sucker for a zoo too!) After grabbing breakfast at our favorite eating spot, we headed up to Santa Barbara for a leisurely walk through intermittent rain, up hills and down dales, feeding giraffes and laughing at the antics of the river otters for a nice, three hour visit. Of course, by then, we'd worked up an appetite again, so we set our sights on a local eatery. After a couple of false starts and a fair amount of walking around downtown Santa Barbara, we ended up at a little Mexican place which was actually quite amazing! The food was good, the service was excellent and it was nice and warm! A winning combination if you ask me! (did I mention the temperature was in the low 50's with a brisk, freezing wind?) Fortified with cocoa, guacamole and pozole we headed home to let the kids retrieve their animals who were at my house for another visit, and so I could make my weekly trek to Trader Joe's to ensure a healthy week of lunches.
Needless to say, my body was much happier being active today instead of lugging laundry baskets and sitting on my tush. And tomorrow, more wedding stuff! The fun never ends, and I'm incredibly grateful for making the decision to hold off on the remodel. The flexibility to just do things on the spur of the moment, or join Heather to do more planning and preparation for the wedding has taken my stress level down to the point where I feel very calm and relaxed most of the time.
Sometimes just remembering to put one foot in front of the other and not worry about the mechanics of it is all we need to simplify and de-stress our lives. Also, knowing when to admit that you've taken on more than is realistic and to take the necessary steps to lighten your load is not only good for your sanity, but I think that, in the end, better decisions are made because you're not rushing into anything just to get a task off your plate. I am grateful for the wisdom to realize and admit that I have taken on too much, and for the humility to rearrange things so that, while my cup may runneth over, my plate does not.
I'll end this with one of my favorite quotes: "To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose..."
Love and light.
Friday, March 16, 2012
March 16, 2012 Whew! What a ride 2012 has already been!
This year certainly started off with a rocket blast to the moon, and has yet to slow down to what I fondly remember as a normal pace! As with all crazy schedules, something had to suffer and, sadly, it has been my writing. But I hope to rectify that in the coming weeks, despite continuing at my breakneck pace because, frankly, along with my meditation, the writing keeps me grounded.
So, to just catch up, Heather announced her engagement in January, and since then we have been running around like crazy trying to get everything chosen and booked for her wedding in August. Meanwhile, I've been to three seminars since November, all of which kept me tied up for close to a week each. But the last one was by far the best as it took me somewhere I've never been, and I was able to tack on a couple of days of sightseeing after the work was done! I enjoyed a marvelous, albeit too short, adventure in our nation's capitol last week, learning to navigate the metro, visiting some of the Smithsonian museums and the National Zoo. I cannot recommend visiting DC too highly. It truly is an amazing place, and everywhere you go is tremendous energy and history!
With everything else going on, and various parties dragging their feet to get my remodel issues resolved, I've made the decision to put the project on hold so that I can focus my energies on the more pressing matters of the wedding and problem resolution for now. As I was driving home tonight, I found myself reflecting on all of the delays and how each and every one turned out to be beneficial in some way. I suddenly found myself filled with joyful anticipation as I realized that the seemingly endless string of delays could only mean one thing! When the project is finally completed, it will be absolutely incredible! It can't help but be so, to justify so many roadblocks and challenges along the way! In the meantime, I've been unpacking the previously packed boxes and slowly putting my house back together for the time being. In the process, I'm finding things I forgot I had and arranging and better organizing things for future access. Heather, Mathom and one of their friends were able to move my cabinets into the pod this week, saving me the $200 a month storage fee on the rental unit. I feel better having all of the materials close at hand, both so that I can keep an eye on things, and because it will make it easier for the contractor once the project resumes.
Work continues to be busy and I am expanding my horizons, both with knowledge and with responsibilities. This is always a good thing for me, as my brain is happiest when it's challenged!
And of course, there's dancing. A typical week finds me on a dance floor 3-4 times and, with the exception of the last 2 weeks, I'm getting to the gym at least twice a week too! All of this is helping my body return to it's natural state of health. My stamina has increased exponentially as I drop pounds to the point where a two step set, a line dance set and a couple of couple's dances no longer leave me winded and sore. Just as being sedentary and overweight saps energy, moving more and weighing less serves to increase energy which then makes me want to do more so I lose more weight and gain more energy...and so on and so on and so on! Woo hoo!!!
Had a very weird dream last night. The highlights included a white Buick, a motorhome, my former contractor, airguns, making phone calls from a landline and a whole bunch of small children. What ties all of this together is that every single part of the dream was completely illogical and as unlike me as it could be! Yet the details have stuck with me, so there is clearly a message in the madness which will ultimately make itself clear to me, even if it requires a few of those Universal Burma Shave signs to accomplish it!
In the meantime, it feels good to be back writing again, and I hope that I'll find the time to jot at least a few lines every day again.
Love and light.
So, to just catch up, Heather announced her engagement in January, and since then we have been running around like crazy trying to get everything chosen and booked for her wedding in August. Meanwhile, I've been to three seminars since November, all of which kept me tied up for close to a week each. But the last one was by far the best as it took me somewhere I've never been, and I was able to tack on a couple of days of sightseeing after the work was done! I enjoyed a marvelous, albeit too short, adventure in our nation's capitol last week, learning to navigate the metro, visiting some of the Smithsonian museums and the National Zoo. I cannot recommend visiting DC too highly. It truly is an amazing place, and everywhere you go is tremendous energy and history!
With everything else going on, and various parties dragging their feet to get my remodel issues resolved, I've made the decision to put the project on hold so that I can focus my energies on the more pressing matters of the wedding and problem resolution for now. As I was driving home tonight, I found myself reflecting on all of the delays and how each and every one turned out to be beneficial in some way. I suddenly found myself filled with joyful anticipation as I realized that the seemingly endless string of delays could only mean one thing! When the project is finally completed, it will be absolutely incredible! It can't help but be so, to justify so many roadblocks and challenges along the way! In the meantime, I've been unpacking the previously packed boxes and slowly putting my house back together for the time being. In the process, I'm finding things I forgot I had and arranging and better organizing things for future access. Heather, Mathom and one of their friends were able to move my cabinets into the pod this week, saving me the $200 a month storage fee on the rental unit. I feel better having all of the materials close at hand, both so that I can keep an eye on things, and because it will make it easier for the contractor once the project resumes.
Work continues to be busy and I am expanding my horizons, both with knowledge and with responsibilities. This is always a good thing for me, as my brain is happiest when it's challenged!
And of course, there's dancing. A typical week finds me on a dance floor 3-4 times and, with the exception of the last 2 weeks, I'm getting to the gym at least twice a week too! All of this is helping my body return to it's natural state of health. My stamina has increased exponentially as I drop pounds to the point where a two step set, a line dance set and a couple of couple's dances no longer leave me winded and sore. Just as being sedentary and overweight saps energy, moving more and weighing less serves to increase energy which then makes me want to do more so I lose more weight and gain more energy...and so on and so on and so on! Woo hoo!!!
Had a very weird dream last night. The highlights included a white Buick, a motorhome, my former contractor, airguns, making phone calls from a landline and a whole bunch of small children. What ties all of this together is that every single part of the dream was completely illogical and as unlike me as it could be! Yet the details have stuck with me, so there is clearly a message in the madness which will ultimately make itself clear to me, even if it requires a few of those Universal Burma Shave signs to accomplish it!
In the meantime, it feels good to be back writing again, and I hope that I'll find the time to jot at least a few lines every day again.
Love and light.
Friday, January 6, 2012
January 6, 2012 Graffiti, patience, kindness and love
I thought I lived in a nice, middle class neighborhood with an elementary school in the center and a mix of renters and homeowners all around. Some of my neighbors bought their homes when they were new, some 50 years ago, while other homes have seen many owners, even in the years I've been there. Overall, people are respectful of each others' property, aside from small spates of thefts we've had a couple of times, but in the 30 years I've lived here, it's a pretty small amount, all things considered.
In the last few days, however, I've become less certain of that respectfulness. On two occasions, I've had to call the city to report graffiti on my pod, from a very small amount a few days ago, to a very blatant rendition today. Although I did not recall previous incidents, my daughter recalls an attack on our garage a few years ago, and has seen various offenses on block walls around the neighborhood. But I can't help but wonder if there's a reason my house has been targeted all of a sudden? Unfortunately, I don't come into contact with these "artists" nor do I understand their motivation or their choice of location for their masterpieces. However, if their talents do include more than just scrawled letters on other peoples' property, I'd like to see those talents used to beautify rather than to, essentially, piss on the walls and storage units of others. There are plenty of places around the city which would benefit from a mural in place of just bare grey stone. Maybe I'm naive in believing that commissioning some of these folks to actually draw something beautiful which would ultimately be enjoyed and admired by the community rather than becoming part of the police log could convince at least some of them to use their talents for the greater good. Admittedly, I have no idea how many kids in my community have chosen to become part of the criminal element in the city, nor do I understand why they find it necessary in a quiet, suburban area. I know the element does exist or the city wouldn't have an extremely responsive task force in place to deal with the problem.
What I do see is that whoever is doing this is crying out to be loved, just as surely as those who spend their time trying to spread misery verbally. However you look at it, doing anything ugly, be it by behaviour or by action, is still an expression of a need and a desire for love.
When I saw the first incident, my first reaction was anger, and when the second incident was so blatant and bold, taking up nearly half of the end of the pod, I again experienced an initial spurt of anger. But as I reflect upon the situation, I am more saddened by this person or persons' need, the way they are crying out, but don't expect to be heard. I want them to know that I am sending them love and light, not anger and darkness. I don't pretend to understand their motivation or the difficulties they face in their lives but I want for them all of the love that they need and desire, and to never have to wonder or suffer the lack again.
A friend of mine is very good about reminding me that we are given challenges so that we deal with our own personal demons and learn to love ourselves completely so that we can spread that love around freely and completely. It isn't always easy to not resort to anger, fear, resentment and frustration. If it were easy, it would not be a challenge and the lessons we're meant to learn wouldn't all stick. Thus, I see this latest intrusion into my sometimes insular world as a reminder that once I think I've mastered a lesson, I'll be sent more.
As a drop in the Universal sea of souls, the better, kinder, more loving drop I am, the better, kinder and more loving the entire sea will be. It is certainly much harder to be loving while receiving disrespect and abuse, but that is when it is most needed. It is also when the results will take longer to manifest and where the lessons of patience and perseverance are best learned.
Love and light
In the last few days, however, I've become less certain of that respectfulness. On two occasions, I've had to call the city to report graffiti on my pod, from a very small amount a few days ago, to a very blatant rendition today. Although I did not recall previous incidents, my daughter recalls an attack on our garage a few years ago, and has seen various offenses on block walls around the neighborhood. But I can't help but wonder if there's a reason my house has been targeted all of a sudden? Unfortunately, I don't come into contact with these "artists" nor do I understand their motivation or their choice of location for their masterpieces. However, if their talents do include more than just scrawled letters on other peoples' property, I'd like to see those talents used to beautify rather than to, essentially, piss on the walls and storage units of others. There are plenty of places around the city which would benefit from a mural in place of just bare grey stone. Maybe I'm naive in believing that commissioning some of these folks to actually draw something beautiful which would ultimately be enjoyed and admired by the community rather than becoming part of the police log could convince at least some of them to use their talents for the greater good. Admittedly, I have no idea how many kids in my community have chosen to become part of the criminal element in the city, nor do I understand why they find it necessary in a quiet, suburban area. I know the element does exist or the city wouldn't have an extremely responsive task force in place to deal with the problem.
What I do see is that whoever is doing this is crying out to be loved, just as surely as those who spend their time trying to spread misery verbally. However you look at it, doing anything ugly, be it by behaviour or by action, is still an expression of a need and a desire for love.
When I saw the first incident, my first reaction was anger, and when the second incident was so blatant and bold, taking up nearly half of the end of the pod, I again experienced an initial spurt of anger. But as I reflect upon the situation, I am more saddened by this person or persons' need, the way they are crying out, but don't expect to be heard. I want them to know that I am sending them love and light, not anger and darkness. I don't pretend to understand their motivation or the difficulties they face in their lives but I want for them all of the love that they need and desire, and to never have to wonder or suffer the lack again.
A friend of mine is very good about reminding me that we are given challenges so that we deal with our own personal demons and learn to love ourselves completely so that we can spread that love around freely and completely. It isn't always easy to not resort to anger, fear, resentment and frustration. If it were easy, it would not be a challenge and the lessons we're meant to learn wouldn't all stick. Thus, I see this latest intrusion into my sometimes insular world as a reminder that once I think I've mastered a lesson, I'll be sent more.
As a drop in the Universal sea of souls, the better, kinder, more loving drop I am, the better, kinder and more loving the entire sea will be. It is certainly much harder to be loving while receiving disrespect and abuse, but that is when it is most needed. It is also when the results will take longer to manifest and where the lessons of patience and perseverance are best learned.
Love and light
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
January 4, 2012 Living positively
Over the last few years, I've seen a number of people who think they need to debunk the theory of Laws of Attraction, yet, in reality, they're simply adding further proof in their denial of its effectiveness. It's quite simple, really. If you deny vehemently that it works, it won't!
I think part of their problem lies in the fact that they want instant gratification and that gratification must be large, bold and be heralded by enormous, gaudy neon signs. Attracting what you put out isn't a magic wand which instantly causes things to happen. It's more of a way of life which sets things in motion and helps us alter our own behaviour patterns such that WE cause things to happen. It requires not only faith in the process, but faith in ourselves and, of course, faith in the Universe which may take what we're trying to attract and alter it for the better. It is also having faith that what seem like setbacks are really just repositionings which are necessary in order for us to be where we need to be to receive what we desire. Anyone who has been following this blog will know that the path to my desires in the last year has been fraught with unexpected roadblocks, but those roadblocks and delays turned out to be in my best interests, overall, and, without them, I would not have really gotten what I wanted, nor would I have been happy with what I did get. I've been forced to re-evaluate, reassess and even make some sweeping changes which, overall, were far better than my original plans! As Garth Brooks sang, "Thank G-d for unanswered prayers!" What the Universe has put in my path is always far better than my original vision anyway, because I have the benefit of all wisdom when I put my faith in attracting what I want, but allowing it to manifest in it's own time and manner.
That is not to say that I am just sitting back, waiting for the golden egg laying goose to drop into my lap. I take what I call the "Universal head slaps" very seriously, and adjust not only my behaviour but, at times, my attitude in order to be the necessary vessel to receive what I've requested. Face it, you wouldn't put out a loosely woven basket if you asked for wine, nor would you provide a lake if you wanted a building. Likewise, being the right container for the job makes it easier for the Universe to answer our requests in the affirmative. Thus, declaring that the Laws of Attraction don't work is equivalent to saying "I'm asking for this but I don't really want it, so don't bother listening."
Admittedly, nothing out there will suit everyone. Take my favorite rant, organized religion. Millions of people belong to some sort of church, temple or other group for the purpose of guiding or living their spirituality. The mere fact that there is so much dissension between them is proof enough that one man's religion is not necessarily anothers. And what I believe, although it may bear a resemblance to one set of ideas or another, will not be an exact match for anyone's total picture. As I listen to speakers on the subjects of spirituality and self-improvement I find a lot of things I am able to embrace and attempt to put into practice (not all of my efforts have been successful thus far, but I do keep trying!), but I believe I find just as many ideas which I just don't connect with. In the end, it's a bit like cooking. I take a bit of this, a pinch of that and a dollop of something else and come up with a dish which suits my palate.
Ultimately, though, whatever goes into the pot is best done with a positive, joyful outlook because, like making a stew, the end result is highly dependent upon the ingredients. Good, fresh, high quality ingredients will always yield a healthy, tasty result.
Love and light
I think part of their problem lies in the fact that they want instant gratification and that gratification must be large, bold and be heralded by enormous, gaudy neon signs. Attracting what you put out isn't a magic wand which instantly causes things to happen. It's more of a way of life which sets things in motion and helps us alter our own behaviour patterns such that WE cause things to happen. It requires not only faith in the process, but faith in ourselves and, of course, faith in the Universe which may take what we're trying to attract and alter it for the better. It is also having faith that what seem like setbacks are really just repositionings which are necessary in order for us to be where we need to be to receive what we desire. Anyone who has been following this blog will know that the path to my desires in the last year has been fraught with unexpected roadblocks, but those roadblocks and delays turned out to be in my best interests, overall, and, without them, I would not have really gotten what I wanted, nor would I have been happy with what I did get. I've been forced to re-evaluate, reassess and even make some sweeping changes which, overall, were far better than my original plans! As Garth Brooks sang, "Thank G-d for unanswered prayers!" What the Universe has put in my path is always far better than my original vision anyway, because I have the benefit of all wisdom when I put my faith in attracting what I want, but allowing it to manifest in it's own time and manner.
That is not to say that I am just sitting back, waiting for the golden egg laying goose to drop into my lap. I take what I call the "Universal head slaps" very seriously, and adjust not only my behaviour but, at times, my attitude in order to be the necessary vessel to receive what I've requested. Face it, you wouldn't put out a loosely woven basket if you asked for wine, nor would you provide a lake if you wanted a building. Likewise, being the right container for the job makes it easier for the Universe to answer our requests in the affirmative. Thus, declaring that the Laws of Attraction don't work is equivalent to saying "I'm asking for this but I don't really want it, so don't bother listening."
Admittedly, nothing out there will suit everyone. Take my favorite rant, organized religion. Millions of people belong to some sort of church, temple or other group for the purpose of guiding or living their spirituality. The mere fact that there is so much dissension between them is proof enough that one man's religion is not necessarily anothers. And what I believe, although it may bear a resemblance to one set of ideas or another, will not be an exact match for anyone's total picture. As I listen to speakers on the subjects of spirituality and self-improvement I find a lot of things I am able to embrace and attempt to put into practice (not all of my efforts have been successful thus far, but I do keep trying!), but I believe I find just as many ideas which I just don't connect with. In the end, it's a bit like cooking. I take a bit of this, a pinch of that and a dollop of something else and come up with a dish which suits my palate.
Ultimately, though, whatever goes into the pot is best done with a positive, joyful outlook because, like making a stew, the end result is highly dependent upon the ingredients. Good, fresh, high quality ingredients will always yield a healthy, tasty result.
Love and light
Sunday, January 1, 2012
January 1, 2012 The signs indicate that the rash of major changes will continue indefinitely. Please fasten your seatbelts.
Major changes are upon us. We see it, feel it, taste it, smell it and touch it every day. Many of us have sixth senses that are doing anything from a quiet tingle to an almost unbearable itch. Simon and Garfunkel sang it in the 1960's, but they had no idea what was to come 50 years later. The times they are a'changin'!
Our world as we know it is evolving. The apathy has lifted and people are questioning the status quo. What many don't realize is that the questioning and the changing are occurring because it is time. For the last few years, decades, even, we have been easing into the changes, but from where I stand, the easing ceased a couple of months ago, and we're now on the wildest white water rafting trip imaginable! There will be mishaps and missteps. We may lose a crew member or two along the way, and we most certainly will get soaked a few times between here and there, but the journey will definitely be worth a little discomfort!
For myself, I have seen my own status quo change drastically. Not only my living situation, but my overall outlook, and even my relationship with my rebel child. I'm not saying anything has taken a complete 180,. but there have certainly been some very sharp turns over the last couple of months, and I know the road for the next year or more will be anything but straight. There is a time and place for directness, for going from here to there in a straight line, but this is neither. We are truly what Aldous Huxley called a Brave New World, and major alterations are rarely, if ever reached via a straight line. There have to, by the nature of it, be false starts, mistakes, backtracks and regroupings, and lessons learned at each setback. New steps forward are taken with the benefit of experience of knowing what at least some of the possibilities lacked, and what didn't work, at least while certain variables were present. The tried and true is no longer either. Now, we are tasked to try new things; lots of new things, until we find something that works with today's world, and only then can we start asking why they work, and what is now true which wasn't only a few months past.
I am incredibly excited with all of the possibilities before me...before US, all of us! It's been a very long time since we were expeditionists, blazing new trails. We have certainly had the usual front-runners who were embarking on newly created paths long before the rest of us, but now we are all on the edge of new discoveries, and these discoveries may or may not require major travel to reach them. So much of our travel will be along Spiritual paths rather than road and gravel. I feel the energy and I know that those around me do as well, as we go through our own particular versions of cleaning and decluttering. (although I could have done without the small, grey, furry hot-lunch-for-my-semi-ferals which came along with some of the clearing out I've done this week!) I know the changes are serious when I'm actually excited about attacking my hall closet tomorrow! I am truly looking forward to clearing out more spaces! I guess because I know that I'm going to need to travel more lightly soon, and have more room to maneuver. I know that I've accumulated a lot of things which are no longer needed, and I just need to start letting to of stuff that I no longer use.
At any rate, I know in every cell of my body that 2012 is going to be one of the best E ticket rides yet, and I'm going to strap in, but not so tightly that I can't jump ship if I see something along the way which bears looking into.
Happy New Year, 2012!
Love and light.
Our world as we know it is evolving. The apathy has lifted and people are questioning the status quo. What many don't realize is that the questioning and the changing are occurring because it is time. For the last few years, decades, even, we have been easing into the changes, but from where I stand, the easing ceased a couple of months ago, and we're now on the wildest white water rafting trip imaginable! There will be mishaps and missteps. We may lose a crew member or two along the way, and we most certainly will get soaked a few times between here and there, but the journey will definitely be worth a little discomfort!
For myself, I have seen my own status quo change drastically. Not only my living situation, but my overall outlook, and even my relationship with my rebel child. I'm not saying anything has taken a complete 180,. but there have certainly been some very sharp turns over the last couple of months, and I know the road for the next year or more will be anything but straight. There is a time and place for directness, for going from here to there in a straight line, but this is neither. We are truly what Aldous Huxley called a Brave New World, and major alterations are rarely, if ever reached via a straight line. There have to, by the nature of it, be false starts, mistakes, backtracks and regroupings, and lessons learned at each setback. New steps forward are taken with the benefit of experience of knowing what at least some of the possibilities lacked, and what didn't work, at least while certain variables were present. The tried and true is no longer either. Now, we are tasked to try new things; lots of new things, until we find something that works with today's world, and only then can we start asking why they work, and what is now true which wasn't only a few months past.
I am incredibly excited with all of the possibilities before me...before US, all of us! It's been a very long time since we were expeditionists, blazing new trails. We have certainly had the usual front-runners who were embarking on newly created paths long before the rest of us, but now we are all on the edge of new discoveries, and these discoveries may or may not require major travel to reach them. So much of our travel will be along Spiritual paths rather than road and gravel. I feel the energy and I know that those around me do as well, as we go through our own particular versions of cleaning and decluttering. (although I could have done without the small, grey, furry hot-lunch-for-my-semi-ferals which came along with some of the clearing out I've done this week!) I know the changes are serious when I'm actually excited about attacking my hall closet tomorrow! I am truly looking forward to clearing out more spaces! I guess because I know that I'm going to need to travel more lightly soon, and have more room to maneuver. I know that I've accumulated a lot of things which are no longer needed, and I just need to start letting to of stuff that I no longer use.
At any rate, I know in every cell of my body that 2012 is going to be one of the best E ticket rides yet, and I'm going to strap in, but not so tightly that I can't jump ship if I see something along the way which bears looking into.
Happy New Year, 2012!
Love and light.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
December 29, 2011 Reflecting upon the year which is ending
As I reflect upon accomplishments, challenges, triumphs, successes and even the failures which, ultimately were for the best, I am especially grateful for those few people who touched my lives and reminded me how blessed I am to have found joy and happiness rather than misery. As I watch certain people do everything in their power to share the unhappiness they live, (because, of course, as children we were all taught that sharing is a good thing!) I truly appreciate the fact that what I have to share is joy. I have learned that when things seem the darkest, it is so that I will be able to clearly see the light of possibility that is coming my way.
2011 has given me many reminders that it's important to keep trying even when things just don't seem to work out because each failed attempt to resolve something makes you really think about how many other ways the task can be accomplished!
I have certainly done my share of rubbing people wrong this year, but in many cases, they were people who just couldn't or wouldn't be rubbed right. I appreciate the lessons I've learned and know that it isn't my job to make everyone happy. It is my job to follow my path, stand up to my responsibilities and be a joyful person.
I have set myself some challenges going forward. Some will be easily accomplished, but some will require a lot of patience with myself. I have vowed to be kinder to others and to try not to make judgements as to whether or not they are deserving. This will certainly give me pause at times, but I feel that in the end, it will make me a better person.
Another task I've set myself is to give more of my time to friends, both new and old. The people who have come in (or back in) to my life this year are simply amazing and giving them my time will really be more of a gift to myself. I look forward with great joy to basking in their warmth in the coming year.
Although work on my book came to a standstill when I began facing challenges with the remodel, I will put every effort into picking the task back up and seeing it to completion. Doing so is extremely important, not only to my personal growth, but to move me forward on this wonderful, crazy, joyful path I've been following for the last few years.
I will also be seeking ways to expand upon my Spiritual growth. Although I have continued with the almost daily meditations, I find a void when I think about Community. I've explored several possibilities, but have yet to find what is right for me, but the search continues and the experiences acquired during this search have all been positive and have contributed to my growth.
And whatever else happens, I've decided that, like 2011, 2012 will be an amazing year for me!
Love and light!
2011 has given me many reminders that it's important to keep trying even when things just don't seem to work out because each failed attempt to resolve something makes you really think about how many other ways the task can be accomplished!
I have certainly done my share of rubbing people wrong this year, but in many cases, they were people who just couldn't or wouldn't be rubbed right. I appreciate the lessons I've learned and know that it isn't my job to make everyone happy. It is my job to follow my path, stand up to my responsibilities and be a joyful person.
I have set myself some challenges going forward. Some will be easily accomplished, but some will require a lot of patience with myself. I have vowed to be kinder to others and to try not to make judgements as to whether or not they are deserving. This will certainly give me pause at times, but I feel that in the end, it will make me a better person.
Another task I've set myself is to give more of my time to friends, both new and old. The people who have come in (or back in) to my life this year are simply amazing and giving them my time will really be more of a gift to myself. I look forward with great joy to basking in their warmth in the coming year.
Although work on my book came to a standstill when I began facing challenges with the remodel, I will put every effort into picking the task back up and seeing it to completion. Doing so is extremely important, not only to my personal growth, but to move me forward on this wonderful, crazy, joyful path I've been following for the last few years.
I will also be seeking ways to expand upon my Spiritual growth. Although I have continued with the almost daily meditations, I find a void when I think about Community. I've explored several possibilities, but have yet to find what is right for me, but the search continues and the experiences acquired during this search have all been positive and have contributed to my growth.
And whatever else happens, I've decided that, like 2011, 2012 will be an amazing year for me!
Love and light!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
November 30, 2011 New beginnings begin with endings
As I look forward to closing November's books and opening December's tomorrow, it will also be a day of new beginnings for my daughter and, after the ending she will generate in my life, a new beginning of some kind or another. Granted, life has had some interesting, and not always pleasant, ups and downs lately, but I've always believed that a door closes to enable us to be free to choose one of the other doors and windows which opens before us. Of course, with Loki's latest kidney infection, the kids won't be far away and I will have to see one or both of them daily while we're having to give Loki fluids again (she just LOVES having a needle stuck in her back and being held down while we let 200 ml of saline drip into her little body), and Heather already got me an Eeyore key to be carved when they get the keys to their apartment. It's still going to be weird and a little scary to come home to an empty house at night. Ok, in all fairness to my furry children, it won't be empty, but there will be no humans who can turn lights on and off, cook, run the dishwasher and help empty the sandboxes on trash day. There will be nobody who answers back in English when I talk to them either. I really must become better at understanding Cat. (of course, when Dylan meows pitifully and runs to the food bowl to show me it's empty, I usually understand what he's saying, but holding a conversation is more of a challenge).
I know that I have several things which I need to resolve and conclude in my life right now, but I also have an untold number of opportunities which are simply awaiting my unburdening. The book definitely holds first place on the list, and having the place to myself should encourage me to spend more time on it. I also want to do some more decluttering in preparation for the delayed but not forgotten remodel. One of the things which will certainly occur in the next week or so is moving the boxes from my garage to the pod so I can park my car inside again. It's getting very windy and cold these days and I really miss walking out to my car in the comparatively warm garage. I think I need to make a list of things I want to accomplish, then set priorities and timelines so that I can track and see my progress. I wonder if I can get a copy of Project to play with? :)
At this point, I want to wish everyone fabulously exciting beginnings, and quick, painless endings over the next few months.
Love and light.
I know that I have several things which I need to resolve and conclude in my life right now, but I also have an untold number of opportunities which are simply awaiting my unburdening. The book definitely holds first place on the list, and having the place to myself should encourage me to spend more time on it. I also want to do some more decluttering in preparation for the delayed but not forgotten remodel. One of the things which will certainly occur in the next week or so is moving the boxes from my garage to the pod so I can park my car inside again. It's getting very windy and cold these days and I really miss walking out to my car in the comparatively warm garage. I think I need to make a list of things I want to accomplish, then set priorities and timelines so that I can track and see my progress. I wonder if I can get a copy of Project to play with? :)
At this point, I want to wish everyone fabulously exciting beginnings, and quick, painless endings over the next few months.
Love and light.
Friday, November 25, 2011
November 25, 2011 Contracting with the Government
I realize today's blog title seems remarkably dry for my usual fare, but as I continue, the gyrations of my thought pattern should become apparent.
When contracting with the Government, there is a very specific proposal process laid out both be regulations and within the request for proposal itself. One of the components which is typically required is a section called "Past Performance". This section is used, not only for the contractor to show that they have experience in the area for which they are proposing, but may also include responses from the contractor's customers which are sent directly to the customer. In this way, the customer strives to obtain assurance that the contractor has done this particular kind of work before, and that in doing so, has satisfied his customers. The customer response is designed to rate the contractor anywhere from excellent to poor.
I think that as consumers, it would behoove us, at least for large purchases like cars, homes and the like, to have a similar process or at least some kind of checklist to ensure that we get what we pay for. I'm sure there are guides, or pieces of guides in various places which are designed to help consumers protect themselves, but I think it would be especially helpful to put a plain English, complete version somewhere where it would be easily and readily accessed at the time that a major purchase is considered. Granted, some people would still go blindly along hoping that their best interests will be honored, but at least the tools would be there for the rest of us to adequately protect ourselves, and to know what our rights are from the outset.
Just as I've learned how to get the best value for my money with consumer goods, I need, also, to learn how to get the best value for my money when signing a contract for something on a larger scale. I am looking for something along the lines of kicking the tires, taking it for a test drive, getting direct feedback from satisfied and unsatisfied customers. I would rather do my due diligence at the offset than run afoul and be forced to make yet another attorney wealthy at both mine and another person or firm's expense. I truly believe that this would be in everyone's best interest as both sides would know that a fair agreement has been reached and that expectations are clear and can easily be met.
Thus, I am gathering together those pieces and may yet put something together that is more than simply the tired old quote, "let the buyer beware".
And on a happier note, we had the most amazing, yet simple Thanksgiving ever! The food tasted better, our tried and true recipes came out better, and we were relaxed and happy. I will credit, at least, in part, all of the gratitude, acceptance and forgiveness I've learned to practice. Things may not always be as I think they should, but loving and accepting those around me makes everything feel better anyway.
So, I am grateful for the lessons I have learned this year, and the friends I have made and the accomplishments I've realized. I am grateful for another month in which to accomplish and love and forgive and appreciate before 2011 ends and we enter another year and new beginnings.
Love and light
When contracting with the Government, there is a very specific proposal process laid out both be regulations and within the request for proposal itself. One of the components which is typically required is a section called "Past Performance". This section is used, not only for the contractor to show that they have experience in the area for which they are proposing, but may also include responses from the contractor's customers which are sent directly to the customer. In this way, the customer strives to obtain assurance that the contractor has done this particular kind of work before, and that in doing so, has satisfied his customers. The customer response is designed to rate the contractor anywhere from excellent to poor.
I think that as consumers, it would behoove us, at least for large purchases like cars, homes and the like, to have a similar process or at least some kind of checklist to ensure that we get what we pay for. I'm sure there are guides, or pieces of guides in various places which are designed to help consumers protect themselves, but I think it would be especially helpful to put a plain English, complete version somewhere where it would be easily and readily accessed at the time that a major purchase is considered. Granted, some people would still go blindly along hoping that their best interests will be honored, but at least the tools would be there for the rest of us to adequately protect ourselves, and to know what our rights are from the outset.
Just as I've learned how to get the best value for my money with consumer goods, I need, also, to learn how to get the best value for my money when signing a contract for something on a larger scale. I am looking for something along the lines of kicking the tires, taking it for a test drive, getting direct feedback from satisfied and unsatisfied customers. I would rather do my due diligence at the offset than run afoul and be forced to make yet another attorney wealthy at both mine and another person or firm's expense. I truly believe that this would be in everyone's best interest as both sides would know that a fair agreement has been reached and that expectations are clear and can easily be met.
Thus, I am gathering together those pieces and may yet put something together that is more than simply the tired old quote, "let the buyer beware".
And on a happier note, we had the most amazing, yet simple Thanksgiving ever! The food tasted better, our tried and true recipes came out better, and we were relaxed and happy. I will credit, at least, in part, all of the gratitude, acceptance and forgiveness I've learned to practice. Things may not always be as I think they should, but loving and accepting those around me makes everything feel better anyway.
So, I am grateful for the lessons I have learned this year, and the friends I have made and the accomplishments I've realized. I am grateful for another month in which to accomplish and love and forgive and appreciate before 2011 ends and we enter another year and new beginnings.
Love and light
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
November 23, 2011 Thanksgiving and gratitude
It is the day before Thanksgiving and, despite the turmoil of the last few days, I realize that I have so much to be thankful for. At the very top of the list are the friends who have been supportive and have refused to allow me to wallow in a pit of inaction through the enormous changes coming into my life, followed closely (or more likely, walking hand in hand) by my wonderful daughter with whom I share an amazing bond of love and respect which gets us through difficult times and brings us closer each time we cross another rocky road together. I am also thankful for my animals who love me unconditionally, and know when I just need a warm, fuzzy body snuggled up against me (although these cold nights are making them think they need to cat-pile on me in bed which makes it a little hard to move, much less, get comfortable, these days! But I can take a quick inventory in the darkness and know exactly who is where!), and for a roof over my head and a warm place to sleep. For food on the table, a car to get me where I need to go, opportunities to help others, both human and animal, and the ability to sense a need.
I am also grateful for lessons I've learned, including knowing that I don't have to fight the world, but can pick my battles and only hold fast to those which are important, and I'm eternally grateful for continuing to learn the difference. And when I do have to fight, I'm grateful for the strength I've developed to do what needs to be done. I'm grateful that the reasons to do battle have become fewer and further between over the years. Have I learned to avoid things which could result in a battle or to circumvent problems early, or to be more accepting? It's hard to say, but whatever the reason, I'm grateful for a calmer, more peaceful life. I see others clutching their drama to them like a security blanket and wish I could tell them that letting it go will really make them happier. But just as I had to learn that lesson on my own, it is theirs to learn as well. And I am grateful for the wisdom to know that this is so.
Also on the very long list is having a healthy body which allows me to indulge my passions like dancing (which continues to keep me sane no matter how bad I might think things are in a moment) and a healthy mind which thrives on the opportunity to be expanded in so many ways and with so many new and exciting opportunities. Even more, I'm grateful for the people around me who challenge me to expand my mind.
Lest I forget, I appreciate Mother Earth who allows my human form to live and thrive because of her bounty.
I could go on and on and on, but I think I've hit the major points, and hope I inspire others to focus on what is truly important, not only on Thanksgiving, but every single day!
Love and Light
I am also grateful for lessons I've learned, including knowing that I don't have to fight the world, but can pick my battles and only hold fast to those which are important, and I'm eternally grateful for continuing to learn the difference. And when I do have to fight, I'm grateful for the strength I've developed to do what needs to be done. I'm grateful that the reasons to do battle have become fewer and further between over the years. Have I learned to avoid things which could result in a battle or to circumvent problems early, or to be more accepting? It's hard to say, but whatever the reason, I'm grateful for a calmer, more peaceful life. I see others clutching their drama to them like a security blanket and wish I could tell them that letting it go will really make them happier. But just as I had to learn that lesson on my own, it is theirs to learn as well. And I am grateful for the wisdom to know that this is so.
Also on the very long list is having a healthy body which allows me to indulge my passions like dancing (which continues to keep me sane no matter how bad I might think things are in a moment) and a healthy mind which thrives on the opportunity to be expanded in so many ways and with so many new and exciting opportunities. Even more, I'm grateful for the people around me who challenge me to expand my mind.
Lest I forget, I appreciate Mother Earth who allows my human form to live and thrive because of her bounty.
I could go on and on and on, but I think I've hit the major points, and hope I inspire others to focus on what is truly important, not only on Thanksgiving, but every single day!
Love and Light
Monday, November 21, 2011
November 21, 2011 Back to the drawing board, and new beginnings
I think my friend, Judy, put it well. We're being thrown into change right now, whether we like it or not, and a lot of it is very uncomfortable. I'm coming to terms with Heather's move. I still don't like it, but she's trying to reassure me by telling me that I raised her to be smart and independent. (yeah, and the check's in the mail, right?) But she is a good kid so I just have to wish her well and stand back. <sigh> She brought home her new puppy today and she's as sweet as can be. Of course, having her on the patio is making the cats very curious! They keep sitting at the window looking out at her which might be a good thing as maybe she won't feel so alone. Once they move, she'll sleep with the kids, but right now, the cats rule the house so she has to sleep outside. She cried for a little while, but I think she's still exhausted from today's surgery. She has a nice, thick coat but they put some warm bricks under her blanket to help ward off some of the chill.
The remodel is back on the drawing board so I don't really expect to start until after the first of the year, at this point, which is going to be interesting, given business trips in February and March, but I know that one way or another, we will work it out. Throughout the process, there has always been some reason for the delays which worked in my favor, so I'm going to continue to envision the finished product and not dwell on the issues that arise. It's all just part of the process.
I've decided that, regardless of the changes that come, I will just embrace them all and make the best of each and every one!
Love and light.
The remodel is back on the drawing board so I don't really expect to start until after the first of the year, at this point, which is going to be interesting, given business trips in February and March, but I know that one way or another, we will work it out. Throughout the process, there has always been some reason for the delays which worked in my favor, so I'm going to continue to envision the finished product and not dwell on the issues that arise. It's all just part of the process.
I've decided that, regardless of the changes that come, I will just embrace them all and make the best of each and every one!
Love and light.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
November 20, 2011 Drastic changes and a need for focus and motivation.
In 11 days, I will begin a new phase of my life, and one for which I'm not really sure I'm ready. In 11 days, I will be the only human inhabitant of my house for the first time in more than 30 years. I am trying to face this as a new and exciting challenge, but it is overshadowed by trepidation because of how I've lived my life without connections for a long time. In less than two weeks, I will face one of the things I've secretly feared more than almost anything. There won't be anyone except the cats to care whether or not I come home at night. Nobody will be waiting inside a warm, cozy house, I won't feel it necessary and comforting to call someone to let them know I'll be late. I don't mean to minimize the love and affection I have with my furry children, and I am extremely grateful that they will still be here, but the truth is, I feel very lost and alone right now. Admittedly, it is my own fault for not establishing more close bonds over the last 20 years or so, and in letting go of the ones I had, but in many cases, at least the letting go part was necessary as I grew and evolved into someone who, normally, sees the positive aspect in everything.
Maybe that's why I'm so scared right now. I'm having a tough time climbing up out of this sad, little hole I've dug for myself. I want to be happy and positive and supportive, but I seem to be sliding back into my old ways and that, in and of itself, is terrifying and frustrating. I even found myself thinking last night that it's a good thing I'm not suicidal like my parents were, or I'd be really worried about me right now. I've shed a lot of tears in the last two days, and know that more will be shed before I figure out where I'm going to go next.
Added to all of this is the fact that, since the remodel hasn't started yet, and, frankly, I'm starting to have doubts that it ever will since the contractor's license is once again active, but they haven't seen fit to contact me, I have to face the rest of the packing up and moving all by myself. I can't even begin to imagine how I'm going to get the furniture moved, much less all the packing and the storing of the boxes! Granted, I should have two completely empty rooms to use for locking up cats and temporary storage, but the task is still incredibly daunting. (of course, the aches from yesterday's weight workout aren't exactly inspiring me to great feats of strength right now!)
I keep telling myself that I can and will take care of myself and my home and my animals, but in reality, I haven't had to do it alone for a very long time. Heather has taken part of the load for years, now. Added to the concerns is two upcoming business trips. I know she'll take care of the cats for me while I'm gone, but it won't be like someone is at the house, watching over things. They won't have someone to snuggle with while I'm gone, and I know they will be very unhappy. And the way things are going, the remodel may still be in progress, no, in all likelihood, at least for the first trip, WILL be in progress, which will shake up their world that much more!
Face it, I'm going to find a million ways to stress myself out in the next few months. What I need is something that will give me calmness. I tried meditating yesterday, and, in fact, had several of the cats on the bed with me including Munchkin who was curled up on my lap, but the visions I had were very disturbing. In one, I went out to the patio to find that my dad had invited a whole bunch of people over for a party without letting me know about it. I was upset because the house was a mess and I hadn't had the opportunity to clean it up, which I would have had he let me know he was bringing people home. I know that I need to get my house in order, literally, and have made little forays into doing so, but can't seem to find it in myself to put forth the really intense effort that is needed right now. I think what I need is a coach to help me stop procrastinating and come up with a plan of action. I also need someone to work with so I don't feel so alone, but as that's not going to happen in the foreseeable future, I need to find the motivation within myself.
In reality, what I lack is at least one really close friend who I can talk to without feeling like I'm taking advantage of their kindness; someone who will give me the kick in the butt I need to get past this. Sadly, although a couple of people have offered to listen, I just don't feel right unloading on them. Kind as they may be, we have a single point of interest (or in some cases, maybe two) in common, and that's it. We don't see each other outside of those points of interest, so I wouldn't see we're really more than close acquaintances. I just don't think it's fair to throw my troubles in their laps. And I have noticed that I've begun watching the interaction between couples with a huge dose of envy. I have to admit that the one word that really describes where I'm at and why I'm so scared is "Lonely".
Love and light
Maybe that's why I'm so scared right now. I'm having a tough time climbing up out of this sad, little hole I've dug for myself. I want to be happy and positive and supportive, but I seem to be sliding back into my old ways and that, in and of itself, is terrifying and frustrating. I even found myself thinking last night that it's a good thing I'm not suicidal like my parents were, or I'd be really worried about me right now. I've shed a lot of tears in the last two days, and know that more will be shed before I figure out where I'm going to go next.
Added to all of this is the fact that, since the remodel hasn't started yet, and, frankly, I'm starting to have doubts that it ever will since the contractor's license is once again active, but they haven't seen fit to contact me, I have to face the rest of the packing up and moving all by myself. I can't even begin to imagine how I'm going to get the furniture moved, much less all the packing and the storing of the boxes! Granted, I should have two completely empty rooms to use for locking up cats and temporary storage, but the task is still incredibly daunting. (of course, the aches from yesterday's weight workout aren't exactly inspiring me to great feats of strength right now!)
I keep telling myself that I can and will take care of myself and my home and my animals, but in reality, I haven't had to do it alone for a very long time. Heather has taken part of the load for years, now. Added to the concerns is two upcoming business trips. I know she'll take care of the cats for me while I'm gone, but it won't be like someone is at the house, watching over things. They won't have someone to snuggle with while I'm gone, and I know they will be very unhappy. And the way things are going, the remodel may still be in progress, no, in all likelihood, at least for the first trip, WILL be in progress, which will shake up their world that much more!
Face it, I'm going to find a million ways to stress myself out in the next few months. What I need is something that will give me calmness. I tried meditating yesterday, and, in fact, had several of the cats on the bed with me including Munchkin who was curled up on my lap, but the visions I had were very disturbing. In one, I went out to the patio to find that my dad had invited a whole bunch of people over for a party without letting me know about it. I was upset because the house was a mess and I hadn't had the opportunity to clean it up, which I would have had he let me know he was bringing people home. I know that I need to get my house in order, literally, and have made little forays into doing so, but can't seem to find it in myself to put forth the really intense effort that is needed right now. I think what I need is a coach to help me stop procrastinating and come up with a plan of action. I also need someone to work with so I don't feel so alone, but as that's not going to happen in the foreseeable future, I need to find the motivation within myself.
In reality, what I lack is at least one really close friend who I can talk to without feeling like I'm taking advantage of their kindness; someone who will give me the kick in the butt I need to get past this. Sadly, although a couple of people have offered to listen, I just don't feel right unloading on them. Kind as they may be, we have a single point of interest (or in some cases, maybe two) in common, and that's it. We don't see each other outside of those points of interest, so I wouldn't see we're really more than close acquaintances. I just don't think it's fair to throw my troubles in their laps. And I have noticed that I've begun watching the interaction between couples with a huge dose of envy. I have to admit that the one word that really describes where I'm at and why I'm so scared is "Lonely".
Love and light
Saturday, November 19, 2011
November 19, 2011 Thoughts on Thanksgiving
I used to love Thanksgiving. It was the day that started two or three days earlier with the girls and I gathering in the kitchen to do our annual, all from scratch meal. At first, they would just hang around talking to me while I chopped, sliced, diced, mixed and cooked, but as they got older, they became an integral part of the process. Through the years, we modified and improved on our recipes, adding new standards and celebrating with friends and family.
But in the last few years, things have been changing. Family has passed on or moved on, one daughter moved out (and subsequently gave us the worst Thanksgiving ever a couple of years ago) and the few friends we had included moved away as well until it was only Heather, me, her current boyfriend and one friend she'd coerce into coming so he wouldn't be alone. But here it is, four days before the "big day" and I'm faced with a daughter who's moving out in the middle of her education, a house that's half torn up waiting for a remodel that, now, only me and the cats will truly enjoy (at least until I kick off when Heather will get it all), and what appears to be a day I'll spend alone with the cats, eating whatever I feel inclined to throw together. And so another tradition dies.
I find myself realizing that having my daughter as my best friend was very short sighted because in the natural course of events, she must move on. So this year will be a year of "lasts". Last birthday spent together, last concert we enjoyed, last of the shared day-to-day stuff that goes on. But it will also be a year of "firsts". First year without a Thanksgiving. First year of no holiday decorations. First year I won't have to go online on Thanksgiving night to find the perfect Christmas presents dirt cheap. And the first year I can take my entire paycheck and blow it on myself because there will be nobody around who needs to be fed and clothed, nobody who will care if they don't get the annual Christmas pajamas and book with a personal inscription and nobody to nag me because I haven't gotten the house ready for Christmas. The cats will have to do without their indoor tree to climb. Had I realized last year that it would be the last real holiday season for me, would I have made the effort to make it better? I don't really know. But at least, thanks to digital photography, I have memories I can walk through from the last few years to remind me of times when holidays were really joyful.
Love and light
But in the last few years, things have been changing. Family has passed on or moved on, one daughter moved out (and subsequently gave us the worst Thanksgiving ever a couple of years ago) and the few friends we had included moved away as well until it was only Heather, me, her current boyfriend and one friend she'd coerce into coming so he wouldn't be alone. But here it is, four days before the "big day" and I'm faced with a daughter who's moving out in the middle of her education, a house that's half torn up waiting for a remodel that, now, only me and the cats will truly enjoy (at least until I kick off when Heather will get it all), and what appears to be a day I'll spend alone with the cats, eating whatever I feel inclined to throw together. And so another tradition dies.
I find myself realizing that having my daughter as my best friend was very short sighted because in the natural course of events, she must move on. So this year will be a year of "lasts". Last birthday spent together, last concert we enjoyed, last of the shared day-to-day stuff that goes on. But it will also be a year of "firsts". First year without a Thanksgiving. First year of no holiday decorations. First year I won't have to go online on Thanksgiving night to find the perfect Christmas presents dirt cheap. And the first year I can take my entire paycheck and blow it on myself because there will be nobody around who needs to be fed and clothed, nobody who will care if they don't get the annual Christmas pajamas and book with a personal inscription and nobody to nag me because I haven't gotten the house ready for Christmas. The cats will have to do without their indoor tree to climb. Had I realized last year that it would be the last real holiday season for me, would I have made the effort to make it better? I don't really know. But at least, thanks to digital photography, I have memories I can walk through from the last few years to remind me of times when holidays were really joyful.
Love and light
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
November 15, 2011 Vegas is NOT relaxing!
So, I had a wonderful drive from Cali to NV yesterday. Blue skies, sunroof open, dinner and a little dancing with a friend and of course, a walk down Las Vegas Blvd. to watch the eternal show! I just love watching all of the people and hearing the different accents and languages. It's like an international festival of sorts.
However, my worst concerns about work were realized as a whole bunch of emails were flying by the time I returned to my room after today's seminar. Worse, if they don't get me the information tonight, they're going to have to wait until Thursday as I need to be out of here before I go to tomorrow's session! This is when I really could use a card for connecting while on the go, but they just can't justify those things for the bean counter even when she's also getting geared up to ensure compliance (at least officially, since I've been a FAR pain in everyone's backside for awhile now!) But it's so nice to feel needed! :)
Had a great time last night with Joleen at Gilley's and just walkin' the strip. We did quite a bit of walking which suits both of us fine, although we could have done without the guy walking down the street, smoking a big, fat, stinky cigar! Not much going on at Gilley's on a Monday night, but enough to give me a couple of dances. And had a delightful visit with my old friend, Michael and his lady, Kathy. We enjoyed the food and entertainment at Margaritaville (and yes, I did indulge, but only one) then I got to see their home and meet their two cats and very friendly dog. We had a nice, long visit and were able to talk for a couple of hours without all of the commotion common to the strip. I am so grateful for all of my friends, both old and new. I'm glad I'm getting the opportunity to attend these seminars,. The one today was extremely informative! But it's a real bonus to get to see some friends in the process! I've promised to let them all know when I'll be back in February.
Anyway, I need to get an early start tomorrow as I have to get my stuff in the car and get checked out before going back for day 2 of the seminar, and I need to get breakfast as well! Maybe I'll move a little faster in the morning!
Love and light.
However, my worst concerns about work were realized as a whole bunch of emails were flying by the time I returned to my room after today's seminar. Worse, if they don't get me the information tonight, they're going to have to wait until Thursday as I need to be out of here before I go to tomorrow's session! This is when I really could use a card for connecting while on the go, but they just can't justify those things for the bean counter even when she's also getting geared up to ensure compliance (at least officially, since I've been a FAR pain in everyone's backside for awhile now!) But it's so nice to feel needed! :)
Had a great time last night with Joleen at Gilley's and just walkin' the strip. We did quite a bit of walking which suits both of us fine, although we could have done without the guy walking down the street, smoking a big, fat, stinky cigar! Not much going on at Gilley's on a Monday night, but enough to give me a couple of dances. And had a delightful visit with my old friend, Michael and his lady, Kathy. We enjoyed the food and entertainment at Margaritaville (and yes, I did indulge, but only one) then I got to see their home and meet their two cats and very friendly dog. We had a nice, long visit and were able to talk for a couple of hours without all of the commotion common to the strip. I am so grateful for all of my friends, both old and new. I'm glad I'm getting the opportunity to attend these seminars,. The one today was extremely informative! But it's a real bonus to get to see some friends in the process! I've promised to let them all know when I'll be back in February.
Anyway, I need to get an early start tomorrow as I have to get my stuff in the car and get checked out before going back for day 2 of the seminar, and I need to get breakfast as well! Maybe I'll move a little faster in the morning!
Love and light.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
November 10, 2011 It's a brand, new day!
Yesterday's announced changes are already leading to some interesting stuff. My brain cells are frolicking at the opportunities for adding new knowledge! I will have to spend some time, however, reassuring Mr. Dylan as the pursuit of knowledge means that I will have to leave town for a few days at a time at least 3 times in the next 6 months, and possibly more.
Danced like crazy tonight, and had a great time until those young whippersnappers started running us off the floor. I remember when I had that much energy and my knees and back didn't ache after too much exertion! Their time will come too! But meanwhile, we get our dancing in early, and they close the place! Fair is fair! And I got a lot of line dancing, a few couples dances and some two stepping in, so I'm good!
Short post tonight, but I'm trying to at least get something in. I'm going to bed after I finish my liquid muscle relaxer and hope this bag of frozen corn will do the rest of the job. Otherwise, I have to try to get in to see the chiropractor tomorrow! Can't drive 5+ hours with my back spasming!
Love and light.
Danced like crazy tonight, and had a great time until those young whippersnappers started running us off the floor. I remember when I had that much energy and my knees and back didn't ache after too much exertion! Their time will come too! But meanwhile, we get our dancing in early, and they close the place! Fair is fair! And I got a lot of line dancing, a few couples dances and some two stepping in, so I'm good!
Short post tonight, but I'm trying to at least get something in. I'm going to bed after I finish my liquid muscle relaxer and hope this bag of frozen corn will do the rest of the job. Otherwise, I have to try to get in to see the chiropractor tomorrow! Can't drive 5+ hours with my back spasming!
Love and light.
November 9, 2011 The times, they are a'changin' revisited
It seems that changes are definitely upon me, though, whether for better or worse is, as yet, to be determined. I'm sure that in the long run, they will be highly beneficial, but some feel a bit like a punishment more than a reward at the moment. But I know that with distance comes perspective, so I will allow some time to pass before making my determination. On one issue, though, I'm somewhat relieved. And the opportunity to spend more time learning will be welcome as well. I can almost feel the brain cells jumping up and down with joy, and the aging process going in reverse as a result.
Along with the changes, I seem to be experiencing continued communication problems. This time, when I try to respond to a text from my contractor, I get a test back from a weird number telling me that I entered an invalid mobile number for my text! I finally left him a voice mail telling him my texts weren't going through, to which he responded that he'd call me when he came down off of the mountain. Now, that conjurs up some interesting images as he is an older fellow with longish hair and a kind of rustic look to him. I can definitely picture him taking on the mountain, as it were! I'm sure things will resolve themselves in due time, and I've already resolved myself to accept this latest delay as another necessary piece in the puzzle that has been the second half of 2011, so my focus, now, is just to have a meeting with the "boys", get on track and hopefully see the addition part of the job started in a week or two.
Dance class was fun last night even if my right shoulder eventually took issue with the behind the back part of the pattern. I was a bit achy this morning, but I think the more I move, the better it will feel. I got some very nice two-stepping in, though, as well as a couple of WCS and a nightclub two-step, which I almost never get to do except in class on Monday nights, so this girl went home tired and happy to another serving of Heather's fresh made stew. (I admit, I was ready to be good and just have a yogurt when I got home, but the whole house smelled so yummy that I succumbed!)
And so, the newest round of changes in my life begin. I'm going to just hop on and enjoy the ride, whether it's a ferris wheel or another roller coaster! Yee haw!
Love and light.
Along with the changes, I seem to be experiencing continued communication problems. This time, when I try to respond to a text from my contractor, I get a test back from a weird number telling me that I entered an invalid mobile number for my text! I finally left him a voice mail telling him my texts weren't going through, to which he responded that he'd call me when he came down off of the mountain. Now, that conjurs up some interesting images as he is an older fellow with longish hair and a kind of rustic look to him. I can definitely picture him taking on the mountain, as it were! I'm sure things will resolve themselves in due time, and I've already resolved myself to accept this latest delay as another necessary piece in the puzzle that has been the second half of 2011, so my focus, now, is just to have a meeting with the "boys", get on track and hopefully see the addition part of the job started in a week or two.
Dance class was fun last night even if my right shoulder eventually took issue with the behind the back part of the pattern. I was a bit achy this morning, but I think the more I move, the better it will feel. I got some very nice two-stepping in, though, as well as a couple of WCS and a nightclub two-step, which I almost never get to do except in class on Monday nights, so this girl went home tired and happy to another serving of Heather's fresh made stew. (I admit, I was ready to be good and just have a yogurt when I got home, but the whole house smelled so yummy that I succumbed!)
And so, the newest round of changes in my life begin. I'm going to just hop on and enjoy the ride, whether it's a ferris wheel or another roller coaster! Yee haw!
Love and light.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
November 8, 2011 Pondering Numeralogicals
For the last several days, I have been pondering the brouhaha surrounding the preponderance of 1's in Friday's date. They range from religious and scientific sectors who attempt to discredit anyone else's suggestion that there could be a significance to those who insist that there is a spiritual, mystical implication, and those who take some sort of middle ground (though I think those are far less well represented). But for the numeralogically inclined, the number 1 is definitely a significant one as, by it's very nature, it represents beginnings. When we count, we typically start with 1 and continue by 1's until we reach our target. Someone who wins a race or contest is said to be in 1st place. First-born children are said to share certain characteristics. The list is endless.
I'll admit that I am one who has seen a lot of instances of 11:11 and 1:11 on my digital clocks over the last couple of years, and rather than attributing it to chance or to the fact that I'm keyed to notice those times of day, I believe that having embarked on some new paths is what really makes me focus on 1's. I read in another blog that seeing those times can be a reminder that you're on the right track, or perhaps, to stop procrastinating and get back on track. In truth, I believe it is like dreams. The interpretation is really dependent upon a person's history. If someone was frightened by a cat when they were small, having a cat in a dream would probably be unpleasant, but if they always feel warm and comforted by the presence of a cat, the dream would be seen in a completely different light.
The same would be true of those 1's. If a person was always striving for first place but was always bested, especially if it was a sibling or someone close, seeing 1's might just be a painful reminder. If they feared change and liked being in a steady, predictable situation, again, 1's could be rather frightening. But for the adventurers, the easily bored with repetition, the 1's, taking those first steps on a new path, could well be exhilirating.
For me, seeing a lot of 1's makes me picture the Aces from the Tarot; those cards which, when found in a spread, indicate taking off on a new adventure, getting outside the box, the comfort zone and finding the magic. I know I've seen more Aces and 1's since I made some major changes in my life, and I get such a charge out of seeing them, that I'm inclined to find new and different things to try (although bungie jumping and fried twinkies are still out!) just to see more of them. My very favorite is the Ace of Wands in my Spiral deck which depicts a giant hand wielding a flaming staff. The card is all vibrant in reds, yellows and greens and I can almost feel the energy emanating from it when I happen upon it. It makes me feel as if anything I might undertake at that moment will rush, full speed ahead to an amazing and exciting conclusion which, if I'm lucky, will lead to something even more amazing and exciting.
At this point, in the realm of new beginnings, I'm going to set the intention that my much-delayed remodeling project will see a huge burst of positive energy by/on Friday November 11, 2011. Although I have determined that it would be best to leave my kitchen intact until after Thanksgiving, this would be a great time to start the addition so that, by the time the holiday passes, they might be able to knock the wall out and actually do the whole area at once instead of in bits and pieces as they were projecting lately. Again, as has been true throughout the process, the delays are truly a blessing in disguise.
And I still have nearly two months to find that dance partner before the year is over! :)
Love and light.
I'll admit that I am one who has seen a lot of instances of 11:11 and 1:11 on my digital clocks over the last couple of years, and rather than attributing it to chance or to the fact that I'm keyed to notice those times of day, I believe that having embarked on some new paths is what really makes me focus on 1's. I read in another blog that seeing those times can be a reminder that you're on the right track, or perhaps, to stop procrastinating and get back on track. In truth, I believe it is like dreams. The interpretation is really dependent upon a person's history. If someone was frightened by a cat when they were small, having a cat in a dream would probably be unpleasant, but if they always feel warm and comforted by the presence of a cat, the dream would be seen in a completely different light.
The same would be true of those 1's. If a person was always striving for first place but was always bested, especially if it was a sibling or someone close, seeing 1's might just be a painful reminder. If they feared change and liked being in a steady, predictable situation, again, 1's could be rather frightening. But for the adventurers, the easily bored with repetition, the 1's, taking those first steps on a new path, could well be exhilirating.
For me, seeing a lot of 1's makes me picture the Aces from the Tarot; those cards which, when found in a spread, indicate taking off on a new adventure, getting outside the box, the comfort zone and finding the magic. I know I've seen more Aces and 1's since I made some major changes in my life, and I get such a charge out of seeing them, that I'm inclined to find new and different things to try (although bungie jumping and fried twinkies are still out!) just to see more of them. My very favorite is the Ace of Wands in my Spiral deck which depicts a giant hand wielding a flaming staff. The card is all vibrant in reds, yellows and greens and I can almost feel the energy emanating from it when I happen upon it. It makes me feel as if anything I might undertake at that moment will rush, full speed ahead to an amazing and exciting conclusion which, if I'm lucky, will lead to something even more amazing and exciting.
At this point, in the realm of new beginnings, I'm going to set the intention that my much-delayed remodeling project will see a huge burst of positive energy by/on Friday November 11, 2011. Although I have determined that it would be best to leave my kitchen intact until after Thanksgiving, this would be a great time to start the addition so that, by the time the holiday passes, they might be able to knock the wall out and actually do the whole area at once instead of in bits and pieces as they were projecting lately. Again, as has been true throughout the process, the delays are truly a blessing in disguise.
And I still have nearly two months to find that dance partner before the year is over! :)
Love and light.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
October 30, 2011 The spell is broken!
Yesterday, I spent a really wonderful day, chasing all over the Valley for a pair of shoes! Now, before you think I've lost my mind and turned into one of those women who lusts after a pair of designer shoes with an obscene price tag, I went looking for dance shoes! If I'm going to dance 4+ nights a week, I need to give my feet a change up. Also, after dancing for a couple of weeks in my suede bottomed, dance boots, I wore my dance rubber soled sneaks and tweaked the tendon or whatever it is (someone said "MCL"?) that runs behind my knee and spent two days icing and resting it. Fortunately, by last night it was as good as new! We also discovered a delicious Japanese barbecue place that I now know is part of a chain because several friends commented on my Facebook check-in.
But that wasn't the strange part of the day, though I did get, not one, but two new pairs of dance shoes, and each of the kids got sneaks (though we had to send Mathom back for his while we waited for our lunch to be served as he was stubbornly clinging to his comfy and familiar boots. As these new sneaks have suede bottoms, I suspect his dancing skills will increase exponentially now that he won't be sticking to the floor!
At any rate, I spent a good part of the day with a very strong feeling that someone who normally does not dance on Saturday nights would be there, possibly before I even arrived, and the rest of the day trying to convince myself that it was just wishful thinking. When I arrived at Borderline, I breathed a sigh of relief that I'd convinced myself, but my relief was short-lived. But there were several people at my table and he kept his distance for awhile. As the evening grew later and people left, I did get to dance with him a bit more, and to my surprise, found that the smooth, easiness and connection we used to have was gone. I don't know if it was on my part or his, but, in some cases, his lead was awkward and there was a repeat of Thursday night when he missed catches after turns. I don't really know if it's just me turning faster, or him catching slower or just the fact that we're out of sync now. It doesn't really matter because the important thing is, the spell has been broken. I can see him as a dance partner and maybe a friend at some point, but that is all. The rose colored glasses have come off and I see the warts as well as the qualities. I gave him a quick hug as I said goodnight, and felt like a weight had been lifted.
Part of the process has allowed me to see that, in spending too much time thinking about him, I was thwarting whatever plans the Universe has for me, as I was continuing to attract or be attracted by the wrong thing, and leaving no room for the right one.
As I sat and observed between dances, I noticed two somewhat younger blonde women sitting on the rail. The guys were hovering around them like bees, two in particular, which didn't stop some of the others from asking them to dance. As I drove home, I thought to myself that I don't think I'd have liked having those two guys sticking like glue, but really have no idea what their likes or dislikes are. I guess I wouldn't be a very good cute, blonde woman because the attention they seem to draw would annoy me rather than amuse me. I guess I'm just right the way I am!
I had a wonderful time running around, getting pictures of everyone, costumed or not! Some folks were incredibly clever including a woman dressed as Barbie who even brought the pink box to stand in for the costume contest, and the couple who rode (and wore) their horses! Watching them dance with their horses was nothing short of hysterical!
I got a lot of dancing in, broke in one of my new pairs of shoes and all in all, had a blast! Happy Halloween!
Love and light
But that wasn't the strange part of the day, though I did get, not one, but two new pairs of dance shoes, and each of the kids got sneaks (though we had to send Mathom back for his while we waited for our lunch to be served as he was stubbornly clinging to his comfy and familiar boots. As these new sneaks have suede bottoms, I suspect his dancing skills will increase exponentially now that he won't be sticking to the floor!
At any rate, I spent a good part of the day with a very strong feeling that someone who normally does not dance on Saturday nights would be there, possibly before I even arrived, and the rest of the day trying to convince myself that it was just wishful thinking. When I arrived at Borderline, I breathed a sigh of relief that I'd convinced myself, but my relief was short-lived. But there were several people at my table and he kept his distance for awhile. As the evening grew later and people left, I did get to dance with him a bit more, and to my surprise, found that the smooth, easiness and connection we used to have was gone. I don't know if it was on my part or his, but, in some cases, his lead was awkward and there was a repeat of Thursday night when he missed catches after turns. I don't really know if it's just me turning faster, or him catching slower or just the fact that we're out of sync now. It doesn't really matter because the important thing is, the spell has been broken. I can see him as a dance partner and maybe a friend at some point, but that is all. The rose colored glasses have come off and I see the warts as well as the qualities. I gave him a quick hug as I said goodnight, and felt like a weight had been lifted.
Part of the process has allowed me to see that, in spending too much time thinking about him, I was thwarting whatever plans the Universe has for me, as I was continuing to attract or be attracted by the wrong thing, and leaving no room for the right one.
As I sat and observed between dances, I noticed two somewhat younger blonde women sitting on the rail. The guys were hovering around them like bees, two in particular, which didn't stop some of the others from asking them to dance. As I drove home, I thought to myself that I don't think I'd have liked having those two guys sticking like glue, but really have no idea what their likes or dislikes are. I guess I wouldn't be a very good cute, blonde woman because the attention they seem to draw would annoy me rather than amuse me. I guess I'm just right the way I am!
I had a wonderful time running around, getting pictures of everyone, costumed or not! Some folks were incredibly clever including a woman dressed as Barbie who even brought the pink box to stand in for the costume contest, and the couple who rode (and wore) their horses! Watching them dance with their horses was nothing short of hysterical!
I got a lot of dancing in, broke in one of my new pairs of shoes and all in all, had a blast! Happy Halloween!
Love and light
Friday, October 28, 2011
October 28, 2011 Prqctice dance partner needed!!!
It occurs to me as my dancing time increases, that I would really like to work on my technique more, while still getting a lot of dancing in, but I really, really, really need someone I can practice with so I can focus on the correct way to do things! I know I've put out the call before, but I'm going to reiterate it with more emotion because, please Universe, I REALLY need someone who can give me the opportunity to get better at WCS, two-step and nightclub two-step! I want to be able to go to workshops and actually retain some of the material! Is this too much to ask for an admitted dance addict? I really need my fix, and I need a higher level fix now than I used to! If I need to venture further afield to find this crazy dancer guy who matches my dance craziness, so be it, but give me a sign (I know I'm asking for it now, as when I give ol' Universe permission, I get much more than I asked for!)
There must be something in the wind as "anxiety stomach" is in full swing, and a far as I know, the only thing on the agenda for tonight is a stop on the way home for some sushi and a quiet night at home. None of this should be setting off the alarm bells which cause my stomach to misbehave. So is this another false alarm, or will my plans have some kind of unexpected upheaval? Those things which have been setting it off lately are about as likely as a snowstorm in July in L.A., so I'm really wondering what the heck is going on with my innards! Are they becoming unreliable? Or just sporadically so? I guess the answer will come somewhere between now and lights out tonight!
I'm thinking that maybe I'm just being warned to stop fixating on things so the Universe can help me maximize my intentions!
And sushi, a quiet night at home and icing the tendon or whatever it is on the back of the knee, which I apparently abused last night were the perfect end of a great week and the perfect beginning for what I'm sure will be a lovely weekend!
Love and light.
There must be something in the wind as "anxiety stomach" is in full swing, and a far as I know, the only thing on the agenda for tonight is a stop on the way home for some sushi and a quiet night at home. None of this should be setting off the alarm bells which cause my stomach to misbehave. So is this another false alarm, or will my plans have some kind of unexpected upheaval? Those things which have been setting it off lately are about as likely as a snowstorm in July in L.A., so I'm really wondering what the heck is going on with my innards! Are they becoming unreliable? Or just sporadically so? I guess the answer will come somewhere between now and lights out tonight!
I'm thinking that maybe I'm just being warned to stop fixating on things so the Universe can help me maximize my intentions!
And sushi, a quiet night at home and icing the tendon or whatever it is on the back of the knee, which I apparently abused last night were the perfect end of a great week and the perfect beginning for what I'm sure will be a lovely weekend!
Love and light.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
October 27, 2011 Amazing is the only word worthy of today!
I had the best day today! First, I went to the nutritionist and found that I'd lost 7 pounds in the last 4 weeks! Amazing! And talking to her about my excessive energy, she said that was a by product of eating so frequently and keeping the blood sugar stable. OK, that's cool, as long as I sleep!
But the best part (ok, this is a gimmee in a way) was the dancing! Two high school friends and one of their daughters joined me tonight and were real troopers trying to learn a line dance that is far from one of the easiest. I was really impressed with their tenacity as they kept it up even though the movements were unfamiliar! And it was so much fun getting to just chat about life and stuff! But it gets better! This was one of those rare nights when there was an abundance of men (or a lack of women, which is fine with me) and I got a lot of two-stepping and couples dancing in on top of tons of line dancing! But better still, my stamina is nearly at the level it was 15 years ago! I did a fast two step and not only did my feet keep up, I wasn't even winded at the end. Then I did a couple of sets with 2 songs in a row, and again, was ready for more! If my energy level stays like this, I'll drop the excess weight very steadily from now until I'm where I really feel good (and can fit back into those Roper jeans and my skirts!)!
So last night, Nemesis tells me he wasn't sure that he would be there tonight as he was pretty tired. Something told me he'd be there, but it didn't tell me that he'd get there earlier than normal! Granted, he's still not doing the first two step with me any more, but I got several and they were all fun, so who cares what number they are. We dance well together, don't take it too seriously, get some practice in on what we learned in the lesson, and he's been putting some pretty nifty combinations together lately. Of course, as I am turning a lot faster as the energy level increases, he's having to learn that if he's going to do a catch, he needs to be right on time, or I'll just keep on going! We had a few laughs over that! I was having way too much fun prancing around the floor tonight, adding extra spins to line dances, and just altogether trying to burn off the energy which seems to be rising exponentially with each pound lost! I'll be running the Energizer bunny off the road soon at this rate! Like the roadrunner, I'll be saying "Meep Meep" as I blaze on by! I feel like my aura must be radiating out at least 20 or 30 feet, I feel so much joy! I want to spin wildly around and send that joy out as far as I can, so it will touch many people and, hopefully, bring a smile to their faces, if only for a little while. I'm bursting with the joy I feel and just have to share it! (I'd sing but I'm afraid the neighbor's dogs might start howling and people are trying to sleep!)
But I'm just too wild and crazy to keep typing, so I'll send some of my joy out to whoever wants some!
Love and light.
But the best part (ok, this is a gimmee in a way) was the dancing! Two high school friends and one of their daughters joined me tonight and were real troopers trying to learn a line dance that is far from one of the easiest. I was really impressed with their tenacity as they kept it up even though the movements were unfamiliar! And it was so much fun getting to just chat about life and stuff! But it gets better! This was one of those rare nights when there was an abundance of men (or a lack of women, which is fine with me) and I got a lot of two-stepping and couples dancing in on top of tons of line dancing! But better still, my stamina is nearly at the level it was 15 years ago! I did a fast two step and not only did my feet keep up, I wasn't even winded at the end. Then I did a couple of sets with 2 songs in a row, and again, was ready for more! If my energy level stays like this, I'll drop the excess weight very steadily from now until I'm where I really feel good (and can fit back into those Roper jeans and my skirts!)!
So last night, Nemesis tells me he wasn't sure that he would be there tonight as he was pretty tired. Something told me he'd be there, but it didn't tell me that he'd get there earlier than normal! Granted, he's still not doing the first two step with me any more, but I got several and they were all fun, so who cares what number they are. We dance well together, don't take it too seriously, get some practice in on what we learned in the lesson, and he's been putting some pretty nifty combinations together lately. Of course, as I am turning a lot faster as the energy level increases, he's having to learn that if he's going to do a catch, he needs to be right on time, or I'll just keep on going! We had a few laughs over that! I was having way too much fun prancing around the floor tonight, adding extra spins to line dances, and just altogether trying to burn off the energy which seems to be rising exponentially with each pound lost! I'll be running the Energizer bunny off the road soon at this rate! Like the roadrunner, I'll be saying "Meep Meep" as I blaze on by! I feel like my aura must be radiating out at least 20 or 30 feet, I feel so much joy! I want to spin wildly around and send that joy out as far as I can, so it will touch many people and, hopefully, bring a smile to their faces, if only for a little while. I'm bursting with the joy I feel and just have to share it! (I'd sing but I'm afraid the neighbor's dogs might start howling and people are trying to sleep!)
But I'm just too wild and crazy to keep typing, so I'll send some of my joy out to whoever wants some!
Love and light.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
October 26, 2011 Come on, Universe! Seriously?????
Today is definitely setting out to be very much on the weird side of the continuum. First, this blog has gotten more hits in a day than it typically gets in an entire month (if the counter can be trusted!). Second, my HR manager has been in a very silly mood all day. Could she have the red binder open in her office, behind closed doors?? (or like an old boss of mine, in the desk drawer and poured discreetly, or so he thought, into his oversized coffee mug?)
But the final spark of insanity actually began yesterday. I like to listen to a mix of music on Pandora while I work, and usually hear a wide variety of songs with little or no repetition. But in the last two days, I've heard Mary Chapin Carpenter's "Passionate Kisses" no less than four times! Come on, Universe? You can't be serious!!! Last night, I thought it was funny and went home to rain kisses all over my sweet Dylan man (for those who don't know, Dylan is my soulmate cat who picked me at an adoption event by putting his paws on my shoulders and licking my cheek. We've been best of buddies ever since!) But today it began again, and it's a dancing night where I pretty much know all of the guys and they're more like brothers than anything else. Hardly the type for kissing, passionate or otherwise. The only thing I can think of is that, once again, I am the butt of some highly amusing cosmic joke. I'd really love, for once, to hear the punchline rather than being it! Not that I mind bringing a bit of levity into the world, but do I always have to do it by being the butt????
And anxiety stomach persists. I woke up nauseous this morning which subsided only to be replaced by the going up too fast in an elevator feeling this afternoon. It would be nice if I could put this phenomenon to good use, like predicting stock market fluctuations or atmospheric conditions, but there doesn't seem to be a practical application connected with the yummy experiences I've been having lately. It's more of a Chinese water torture as it drip, drip, drips into my consciousness making me say "WHUT???" Yes, that's right, it's gone beyond just things that make you go "hmmm".
But my feet feel good and I'm ready for some challenging two-step turns tonight! And I'm wearing smaller pants! Hooray! (I know this is getting old, but the last 3 months have been very challenging for me, so I need to bask in a small amount of success for as long as possible!)
The silliness continued at dance class tonight. They guys were zanier than normal, with one even sticking out his tongue at me when the teacher told us to look at each other. There were also several who were being quite flirtatious, in a silly sort of way. Needless to say, I spent a large part of the lessons in stitches! I also discovered that my walls are holding well with Nemesis and that I can dance and joke around and even have a quick, impromptu hug after a dance now. Of course, looking him in the eye while dancing is still something I'm better off avoiding, but we were more or less back on normal footing tonight, sans me falling into those soulful, heavy lidded looks, which is a very good thing! And tomorrow night, I get to introduce the girls to the Borderline! I'm so excited!
More good news is that there is no basis for anxiety stomach, so by now it should be satisfied and go annoy someone else who actually has a reason to be anxious! I'm just not interested. And tomorrow I go see the nutritionist again to confirm that I've been doing better this month!
And so, bouncing off the walls continues until...
Love and light.
But the final spark of insanity actually began yesterday. I like to listen to a mix of music on Pandora while I work, and usually hear a wide variety of songs with little or no repetition. But in the last two days, I've heard Mary Chapin Carpenter's "Passionate Kisses" no less than four times! Come on, Universe? You can't be serious!!! Last night, I thought it was funny and went home to rain kisses all over my sweet Dylan man (for those who don't know, Dylan is my soulmate cat who picked me at an adoption event by putting his paws on my shoulders and licking my cheek. We've been best of buddies ever since!) But today it began again, and it's a dancing night where I pretty much know all of the guys and they're more like brothers than anything else. Hardly the type for kissing, passionate or otherwise. The only thing I can think of is that, once again, I am the butt of some highly amusing cosmic joke. I'd really love, for once, to hear the punchline rather than being it! Not that I mind bringing a bit of levity into the world, but do I always have to do it by being the butt????
And anxiety stomach persists. I woke up nauseous this morning which subsided only to be replaced by the going up too fast in an elevator feeling this afternoon. It would be nice if I could put this phenomenon to good use, like predicting stock market fluctuations or atmospheric conditions, but there doesn't seem to be a practical application connected with the yummy experiences I've been having lately. It's more of a Chinese water torture as it drip, drip, drips into my consciousness making me say "WHUT???" Yes, that's right, it's gone beyond just things that make you go "hmmm".
But my feet feel good and I'm ready for some challenging two-step turns tonight! And I'm wearing smaller pants! Hooray! (I know this is getting old, but the last 3 months have been very challenging for me, so I need to bask in a small amount of success for as long as possible!)
The silliness continued at dance class tonight. They guys were zanier than normal, with one even sticking out his tongue at me when the teacher told us to look at each other. There were also several who were being quite flirtatious, in a silly sort of way. Needless to say, I spent a large part of the lessons in stitches! I also discovered that my walls are holding well with Nemesis and that I can dance and joke around and even have a quick, impromptu hug after a dance now. Of course, looking him in the eye while dancing is still something I'm better off avoiding, but we were more or less back on normal footing tonight, sans me falling into those soulful, heavy lidded looks, which is a very good thing! And tomorrow night, I get to introduce the girls to the Borderline! I'm so excited!
More good news is that there is no basis for anxiety stomach, so by now it should be satisfied and go annoy someone else who actually has a reason to be anxious! I'm just not interested. And tomorrow I go see the nutritionist again to confirm that I've been doing better this month!
And so, bouncing off the walls continues until...
Love and light.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
October 25, 2011: Resting peacefully and waiting for the next shoe to drop.
Another restful and early night, for which Dylan seemed to be approving as I woke with him wrapped around my head, purring. I guess he doesn't like my squirrelly nights either! And with him wrapped around my head, it seemed to deter Toby from a full on musical number. Guess we know who the boss is!
This isn't to say that my restlessness has abated, just that it seems to take a break for a few hours so it can return to harass me again when I'm awake enough to appreciate it. I was sitting at my desk this morning when I felt my stomach drop in what I've come to refer to as "anxiety stomach". It can mean anything from something I'm dreading though this one is pretty rare) to something I'm looking forward to, like maybe, a Disneyland trip, to knowing that I'm going to run into someone who elicits a strong emotional response. At the moment, I can't think of anything which might inspire this reaction, but the day is still young. I did have a weird dream about Heather and I both losing our jobs, but the situations were, as has been true of most of my nighttime travels lately, far removed from reality in both of our cases. I do recall, though, as I prepared for another job search, trying to explain to a dance acquaintance why I wasn't a CPA, and why it was actually in my best interests to not be. A key point I did notice when experiencing a job loss kind of dream was that I wasn't overly concerned about meeting my financial obligations. It was more like an "oh, well. new roads to travel". I also remember coming back to find everyone discussing me, and not even noticing that I was there and could hear them, and gathering up what seemed like an excessive amount of personal items. I also opened up drawers where I was hoarding some very odd collections of office supplies. Could this be an indication that I have a lot more decluttering to do? Interestingly, one of the items was rolls and rolls of thin red tape. An indication of things to come in regard to one of my endeavors, perhaps? Or the fact that if I hide it away, it won't be useable by anyone else? ( I rather like that theory! I'm sorry, Mr. Government official. But there is no red tape available at this time. You'll just have to get the job done without any unnecessary delays this time! Pay attention Simi Valley Building and Safety!)
Closing in on the end of the day and no explanation as to why I had the sudden occurrence of anxiety stomach, so I'll just chalk it up to a false alarm. Dancing again tomorrow. I hope my feet are ready! I'm really enjoying Wednesday nights as I'm working on strengthening my skills. (I'm hoping I'll also increase my chances of attracting a practice partner in the bargain!) But my energy level is still high, despite working all day and walking around Costco for the better part of an hour (I had a craving for ribs and they weren't ready!). Now I just need to finish laundry and figure out where in my overstuffed refrigerator to put the roasted chicken I bought to use for lunches! Shoehorn, anyone?
And the shopping spree in my closet is yielding delightful results as I'm now wearing a size smaller pants! Hooray!!! And it only took 20 pounds to get there! I'm betting the next drop in size will not take as many pounds. In the first drop, I lost a lot in places that don't affect my pants size, but now the reduction energies are focusing more in that central hub where we women seem to become abundant! Keep those good thoughts and dance floors coming!
Love and light.
This isn't to say that my restlessness has abated, just that it seems to take a break for a few hours so it can return to harass me again when I'm awake enough to appreciate it. I was sitting at my desk this morning when I felt my stomach drop in what I've come to refer to as "anxiety stomach". It can mean anything from something I'm dreading though this one is pretty rare) to something I'm looking forward to, like maybe, a Disneyland trip, to knowing that I'm going to run into someone who elicits a strong emotional response. At the moment, I can't think of anything which might inspire this reaction, but the day is still young. I did have a weird dream about Heather and I both losing our jobs, but the situations were, as has been true of most of my nighttime travels lately, far removed from reality in both of our cases. I do recall, though, as I prepared for another job search, trying to explain to a dance acquaintance why I wasn't a CPA, and why it was actually in my best interests to not be. A key point I did notice when experiencing a job loss kind of dream was that I wasn't overly concerned about meeting my financial obligations. It was more like an "oh, well. new roads to travel". I also remember coming back to find everyone discussing me, and not even noticing that I was there and could hear them, and gathering up what seemed like an excessive amount of personal items. I also opened up drawers where I was hoarding some very odd collections of office supplies. Could this be an indication that I have a lot more decluttering to do? Interestingly, one of the items was rolls and rolls of thin red tape. An indication of things to come in regard to one of my endeavors, perhaps? Or the fact that if I hide it away, it won't be useable by anyone else? ( I rather like that theory! I'm sorry, Mr. Government official. But there is no red tape available at this time. You'll just have to get the job done without any unnecessary delays this time! Pay attention Simi Valley Building and Safety!)
Closing in on the end of the day and no explanation as to why I had the sudden occurrence of anxiety stomach, so I'll just chalk it up to a false alarm. Dancing again tomorrow. I hope my feet are ready! I'm really enjoying Wednesday nights as I'm working on strengthening my skills. (I'm hoping I'll also increase my chances of attracting a practice partner in the bargain!) But my energy level is still high, despite working all day and walking around Costco for the better part of an hour (I had a craving for ribs and they weren't ready!). Now I just need to finish laundry and figure out where in my overstuffed refrigerator to put the roasted chicken I bought to use for lunches! Shoehorn, anyone?
And the shopping spree in my closet is yielding delightful results as I'm now wearing a size smaller pants! Hooray!!! And it only took 20 pounds to get there! I'm betting the next drop in size will not take as many pounds. In the first drop, I lost a lot in places that don't affect my pants size, but now the reduction energies are focusing more in that central hub where we women seem to become abundant! Keep those good thoughts and dance floors coming!
Love and light.
Monday, October 24, 2011
October 24, 2011 Sleep, blessed sleep!
The nights of interrupted sleep finally caught up with me and I started fading at about 8:30 last night. I went to bed at 9 and actually slept most of the way through the night, at least until Toby decided that he'd gone without attention for long enough and music practice began. (Dang cat, it was still dark outside!) Unfortunately, Heather paid the price as it seems it was her turn to take everyone's restlessness so we could all get some sleep. Hopefully, she'll be able to make up for it today!
Do you ever find yourself arguing with a dream? Not actually with the dream itself, of course, but when you remember details after you wake up, do you have a little mental conversation where you tell yourself that the details of the dream are very unlikely and actually provide reasons why this is so? Granted, many of my dreams defy logic and probability, but I am wondering if this is something unique to me, or if the general public (or at least those who remember dreams, as I've discovered this is not universal) wakes up in the morning and analyzes the likelihood that a dream or any of its parts could ever intersect with reality? I even go through periods of time when they are so preposterous as to be tossed in the "ridiculous beyond belief, and not worth dissecting" pile or they are so close to the truth that analysis isn't necessary at least as often as they niggle at my subconscious until I have to take them out and play with them until I'm convinced that they just didn't make sense, or I figure out what they were trying to tell me by being so memorably illogical. The one I'm currently gnawing on is pretty innocuous as my dreams go, and involves packing suitcases into the trunk of a car. A man was showing me how he managed to get around the unusual shape of his trunk by packing the smaller suitcases in first, then the medium, and the largest last, so everything fits nicely. So what does my mind do? It says, "silly man! You want to have the smaller suitcases easily accessible because, if there's something you need to pull out quickly, you'll, of course, have packed it in one of the smaller cases!". Now, where the heck did this come from, and why on earth would it even occur to me after I'm wide awake and well into my day? At times like this I'm left wondering, which is stranger, the dream or how it is affecting me? (or I just have too much time on my hands to gather wool!)
Had another lovely night of dancing. I'm getting better about asking guys to dance, and having a lot more fun (although my feet are complaining!). Nemesis was there, but had walls up as high as mine, if not higher. We only danced together during the rotation in the lessons which was fine. But it's weird. He's acting like I hurt his feelings. Oh well. I never professed to understand men, and I doubt I ever will, so I'll just enjoy their company when possible, enjoy their dancing feet and leave the understanding to someone more well versed in these things. WCS is getting easier, but I still have a long ways to go. I didn't really get any Nightclub practice tonight, so the jury's still out on progress there!
I came home as I usually do on Monday nights to put the trash out, and be entertained by Munchkin and Loki's weekly race to be "first soil" in the new sand! Tonight, Munchkin won in my bathroom, but I can't speak for the ones the kids cleaned. My darling furballs are so easily amused sometimes! Open closets and trash bags lead to hours of enjoyment for them, at least until one of us yells at them to get out of their newfound playground! (mean cat parents that we are!) Sitting down at my computer, Toby and Patches are trying hard to convince me that they have been completely neglected today, no food, no attention, no nothing! Their acting skills need work, to say the least! :)
We are going into the week of Halloween festivities, and, it appears, some even started the parties last weekend. Everyone is scrambling around trying to come up with costumes, while I'll be my usual, boring self and just show up as me. Although I am a size smaller than I was a couple of months ago, I have a long way to go before I can fit into any of the costumes which are currently stored away in the pod. Once I can start fitting into some of them, I might be convinced to join in the silliness again! But I'm wondering how the energies will behave on All Hallow's Eve!
Love and light.
Do you ever find yourself arguing with a dream? Not actually with the dream itself, of course, but when you remember details after you wake up, do you have a little mental conversation where you tell yourself that the details of the dream are very unlikely and actually provide reasons why this is so? Granted, many of my dreams defy logic and probability, but I am wondering if this is something unique to me, or if the general public (or at least those who remember dreams, as I've discovered this is not universal) wakes up in the morning and analyzes the likelihood that a dream or any of its parts could ever intersect with reality? I even go through periods of time when they are so preposterous as to be tossed in the "ridiculous beyond belief, and not worth dissecting" pile or they are so close to the truth that analysis isn't necessary at least as often as they niggle at my subconscious until I have to take them out and play with them until I'm convinced that they just didn't make sense, or I figure out what they were trying to tell me by being so memorably illogical. The one I'm currently gnawing on is pretty innocuous as my dreams go, and involves packing suitcases into the trunk of a car. A man was showing me how he managed to get around the unusual shape of his trunk by packing the smaller suitcases in first, then the medium, and the largest last, so everything fits nicely. So what does my mind do? It says, "silly man! You want to have the smaller suitcases easily accessible because, if there's something you need to pull out quickly, you'll, of course, have packed it in one of the smaller cases!". Now, where the heck did this come from, and why on earth would it even occur to me after I'm wide awake and well into my day? At times like this I'm left wondering, which is stranger, the dream or how it is affecting me? (or I just have too much time on my hands to gather wool!)
Had another lovely night of dancing. I'm getting better about asking guys to dance, and having a lot more fun (although my feet are complaining!). Nemesis was there, but had walls up as high as mine, if not higher. We only danced together during the rotation in the lessons which was fine. But it's weird. He's acting like I hurt his feelings. Oh well. I never professed to understand men, and I doubt I ever will, so I'll just enjoy their company when possible, enjoy their dancing feet and leave the understanding to someone more well versed in these things. WCS is getting easier, but I still have a long ways to go. I didn't really get any Nightclub practice tonight, so the jury's still out on progress there!
I came home as I usually do on Monday nights to put the trash out, and be entertained by Munchkin and Loki's weekly race to be "first soil" in the new sand! Tonight, Munchkin won in my bathroom, but I can't speak for the ones the kids cleaned. My darling furballs are so easily amused sometimes! Open closets and trash bags lead to hours of enjoyment for them, at least until one of us yells at them to get out of their newfound playground! (mean cat parents that we are!) Sitting down at my computer, Toby and Patches are trying hard to convince me that they have been completely neglected today, no food, no attention, no nothing! Their acting skills need work, to say the least! :)
We are going into the week of Halloween festivities, and, it appears, some even started the parties last weekend. Everyone is scrambling around trying to come up with costumes, while I'll be my usual, boring self and just show up as me. Although I am a size smaller than I was a couple of months ago, I have a long way to go before I can fit into any of the costumes which are currently stored away in the pod. Once I can start fitting into some of them, I might be convinced to join in the silliness again! But I'm wondering how the energies will behave on All Hallow's Eve!
Love and light.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
October 23, 2011 Rest: Fondly remembered, sadly missed
The restlessness has now invaded my sleep. Dreams were so crazy and prolific last night that I had to write two full pages in a Word document just to clear my head enough to write a sensible blog post (or as sensible as I get these days!) High on the list of topics my subconscious bats around in the wee hours are the remodel, spirituality/mysticism and my opening up to the idea of a dance partner, or even life partner. However, on this last one, my subconscious is still rather confused as it seems to want to pick an apple from one tree, take a bite out of it, then set it aside to pick one from another tree to see if it's tastier, while expecting the first apple to wait patiently, staying fresh and ready for the next bite, should it even come. Clearly, my subconscious has some growing up to do! Although I see nothing wrong with dating different people until I find that connection (as good in dance as it is in life, I think), the dreams actually had me committing to one, then expecting him to sit and wait while I tried out another model. Not good, if you ask me! And certainly not something to which I profess or respect. Is my subconscious showing me a potentially dark side of myself I'm not even aware exists? Or have I treated people this cruelly in other situations, and it's trying to make me more aware so that I'll be kinder in the future?
Also in my dreams, I wore a beige suit and a white blouse (something I would never do!) in a completely inappropriate environment which turned out to be even more inappropriate because I was asked to do things which were completely out of the scope one would have expected in the situation. Even more bizarre was that I took a position as a personal assistant/secretary which would have made no use of my accounting background. I can certainly understand a change of career, but this would not even be on my list of possible options!
All of this crazy, restless dreaming came after a really great night of dancing which I'd expected would have me sleeping the sleep of the innocent, and what I got was quite the opposite! I am becoming even more diligent about my meditations, doing at least an hour a day, and sometimes more than one session, so I'd expect my mind to be calm, but it just keeps racing down one track or another. This is beyond "monkey mind"! It's as if I have several people converging in my head for a lengthy session of parties. Is someone else getting the quiet, restful sleep I seek? Am I the vessel which allows others to disconnect? If so, when does the job move to the next guy so I get my turn?
I signed up for an email about 365 days of writing, in hopes that it would get me back in gear to work on my book. When I opened the file today to start writing, I was dismayed to find that I hadn't touched it since August! The email is designed to encourage writers to commit to 15 minutes a day. I'm sure they realize that once you sit down at the computer, it's unlikely that you'll only write for 15 minutes, but the key is to sit down and just put something on paper, or screen, as it were. It took me about 4 days of getting these emails to actually react, but I got about 40 minutes of writing in today. Admittedly, it may end up on the editorial floor when I put it all together, but at least I got another couple of pages written! It's not exactly a kick in the butt, but more, a gentle prod, and I think I have had a lot of ideas over the last couple of months which should have been included but never got written down either in notes or the manuscript itself, so they're lost unless they pop into my brain again. If I commit to 15 minutes a day, I stand to save some of these gems from being lost before they're born. So, day 1 of 15 minutes a day is complete!
Love and light
Also in my dreams, I wore a beige suit and a white blouse (something I would never do!) in a completely inappropriate environment which turned out to be even more inappropriate because I was asked to do things which were completely out of the scope one would have expected in the situation. Even more bizarre was that I took a position as a personal assistant/secretary which would have made no use of my accounting background. I can certainly understand a change of career, but this would not even be on my list of possible options!
All of this crazy, restless dreaming came after a really great night of dancing which I'd expected would have me sleeping the sleep of the innocent, and what I got was quite the opposite! I am becoming even more diligent about my meditations, doing at least an hour a day, and sometimes more than one session, so I'd expect my mind to be calm, but it just keeps racing down one track or another. This is beyond "monkey mind"! It's as if I have several people converging in my head for a lengthy session of parties. Is someone else getting the quiet, restful sleep I seek? Am I the vessel which allows others to disconnect? If so, when does the job move to the next guy so I get my turn?
I signed up for an email about 365 days of writing, in hopes that it would get me back in gear to work on my book. When I opened the file today to start writing, I was dismayed to find that I hadn't touched it since August! The email is designed to encourage writers to commit to 15 minutes a day. I'm sure they realize that once you sit down at the computer, it's unlikely that you'll only write for 15 minutes, but the key is to sit down and just put something on paper, or screen, as it were. It took me about 4 days of getting these emails to actually react, but I got about 40 minutes of writing in today. Admittedly, it may end up on the editorial floor when I put it all together, but at least I got another couple of pages written! It's not exactly a kick in the butt, but more, a gentle prod, and I think I have had a lot of ideas over the last couple of months which should have been included but never got written down either in notes or the manuscript itself, so they're lost unless they pop into my brain again. If I commit to 15 minutes a day, I stand to save some of these gems from being lost before they're born. So, day 1 of 15 minutes a day is complete!
Love and light
Saturday, October 22, 2011
October 22, 2011 Still crazy after all these years
The restlessness continues, and, in fact, is worse today than ever, but at least I'm putting it to good use. Got up this morning for my nail appointment, then met the contractor to order cabinets. By the time I got home I was literally bouncing off the walls so I figured it was a sign to go to the gym. I cannot believe that I'm even more energized now than I was before I went? My arms are shaking so badly that I had a devil of a time typing a text into my iPhone, but I feel like I could run a marathon or maybe clean my whole house (which it desperately needs anyway!). I feel like a rechargeable battery on steroids. The more energy I expend, the more I have! (and I just looked down at the time stamp on this blog site and it's 1:11. It's like a line of soldiers is marching me along in triple quick time these days!)
They've been making a big deal about the date 11/11/11 in the media lately. I'm starting to wonder if that has anything to do with the way energy seems to be building up in people lately? Are we all gearing up for a veritable launching of new ideas and life paths in another couple of weeks? Could a date really have that much impact on the world? I'm looking forward to finding out, but in the meantime, the amount of energy passing through my body is quite extraordinary! I feel like, given the right tools, I could move a mountain right now! Dancing should be interesting tonight. I hope that they either play a lot of my favorite, high energy line dances tonight, or that there are enough men around to get in some two step and couples dancing. Or both! It's going to take an awful lot to get me wound down enough to sleep tonight!
Ahhh, it is so nice when the Universe takes what I ask for and multiplies it! They played the high energy dances AND I got some two steppin' and couples dancing in! Life is good! I'm still wound up, but, hopefully, tired enough to go to sleep in a couple of hours! I LOVE the dancing! It's getting better and better all the time as my energy level rises to levels I haven't seen in a few years! With only 20 pounds gone so far, I can't even imagine what I'm going to be like when I reach my first goal! Yikes! I'm going to have to find some younger men to dance with, methinks! :) I think this is a kind of de-aging process which I recommend highly!
And the energy high (I think that describes it well) continues all around me. Borderline was crowded from early on tonight, and, again, the energy was definitely in the 'frantic" range! If it's still going to build from here, I can only imagine what could be accomplished in the coming months! Mother Earth would definitely benefit from having some of the positive energy directed her way to heal so many wounds! So that will be my focus, and I will do my best to attract as much energy from others to point towards that goal.
Love and light
They've been making a big deal about the date 11/11/11 in the media lately. I'm starting to wonder if that has anything to do with the way energy seems to be building up in people lately? Are we all gearing up for a veritable launching of new ideas and life paths in another couple of weeks? Could a date really have that much impact on the world? I'm looking forward to finding out, but in the meantime, the amount of energy passing through my body is quite extraordinary! I feel like, given the right tools, I could move a mountain right now! Dancing should be interesting tonight. I hope that they either play a lot of my favorite, high energy line dances tonight, or that there are enough men around to get in some two step and couples dancing. Or both! It's going to take an awful lot to get me wound down enough to sleep tonight!
Ahhh, it is so nice when the Universe takes what I ask for and multiplies it! They played the high energy dances AND I got some two steppin' and couples dancing in! Life is good! I'm still wound up, but, hopefully, tired enough to go to sleep in a couple of hours! I LOVE the dancing! It's getting better and better all the time as my energy level rises to levels I haven't seen in a few years! With only 20 pounds gone so far, I can't even imagine what I'm going to be like when I reach my first goal! Yikes! I'm going to have to find some younger men to dance with, methinks! :) I think this is a kind of de-aging process which I recommend highly!
And the energy high (I think that describes it well) continues all around me. Borderline was crowded from early on tonight, and, again, the energy was definitely in the 'frantic" range! If it's still going to build from here, I can only imagine what could be accomplished in the coming months! Mother Earth would definitely benefit from having some of the positive energy directed her way to heal so many wounds! So that will be my focus, and I will do my best to attract as much energy from others to point towards that goal.
Love and light
Friday, October 21, 2011
October 21, 2011 Restless and unsettled continues
Sleep and dreams were all over the map last night. I woke up several times after getting to bed too late in the first place, and most times, I found Toby snuggling. Dreams ran the gamut from going to a shopping center I frequent regularly to find that all of the stores had changed since the last time I was there, to riding my bicycle around town to meet with various people about my remodel, to everything in between. In one of the remodel segments (and they just seemed to flow into each other without any rhyme or reason) I had cabinet people at my house where a large table was set up in the middle of my kitchen. The table was an oversized card table which someone had covered in half inch squares of sticky backed vinyl. I was showing the vendor the plans while they were somehow putting different configurations on the walls so I could see how they looked. With no apparent segue, I was riding my bike through an open air woodworking shop where Heather was showing me her wish list. Then on to my bedroom where the guinea pig tank was on the floor and Marie had a twin. As I was commenting on the fact that there were now two, a little girl walked in with something in her hands which she dropped partially into the tank and partially on the floor. It turned out to be little, furry spiders and I woke up from screaming at the kids to get them off of me as they decided to crawl up my legs! Yuk!!!! (even if they were kinda cute little black and yellow guys!) OK, so the dreams were weird, but even weirder is the fact that I can see where my subconscious got some of it. I'm supposed to meet my contractor at a cabinet makers tomorrow to pick out exactly the cabinets I want so he can place the order. The extra guinea pig can be explained because Mathom mentioned that while he was at a pet store yesterday, a bunny tried to adopt him. The spiders, however, defy explanation. Maybe it was just time for me to wake up (I'd already overslept) so my subconscious devised something that was sure to get me moving!
So what I've managed to convey (or at least attempt to convey) is that, despite a lovely night of dancing (sans Nemesis, by the way) I didn't sleep well again last night, and woke up feeling sluggish and lazy, which wasn't helped by the fact that it's overcast again today. I'm looking forward to the end of my workday so I can go home and snuggle with my kitties.
A couple of nights of little sleep and despite the restlessness, I'm tired by 9:45. I'm hoping a meditation and some extra sleep will calm the wild beasts (monkeys, most likely) who have been prowling around in my head all week!
Love and light
So what I've managed to convey (or at least attempt to convey) is that, despite a lovely night of dancing (sans Nemesis, by the way) I didn't sleep well again last night, and woke up feeling sluggish and lazy, which wasn't helped by the fact that it's overcast again today. I'm looking forward to the end of my workday so I can go home and snuggle with my kitties.
A couple of nights of little sleep and despite the restlessness, I'm tired by 9:45. I'm hoping a meditation and some extra sleep will calm the wild beasts (monkeys, most likely) who have been prowling around in my head all week!
Love and light
Thursday, October 20, 2011
October 20, 2011 Numerical signals
I heard a ding and was inclined to check my phone just now. Interestingly, the time was 11:11 which I have found significant in the past, and now, with my feelings of restlessness, even more so. Another semi-sleepless night, although part of that was restlessness and part of it was an unexplainable pain in my left leg which precluded finding a comfortable position. I eventually ended up on the couch in a semi-sitting position (I can't thank the woman who gave me these sofas with the reclining seats enough, as there have been many nights when I wouldn't have slept at all if it weren't for this option!) where I was able to catch a few hours of sleep before Toby climbed on top of me requiring attention. Whatever is in the air for me seems to be affecting him, either directly or because he feels my restlessness. He has been requiring a lot more attention lately and is acting very nervous. I hope I'm not causing him this distress, but I'm making a point of paying a lot of attention to him in an effort to calm him down. Once the remodel starts, there are going to be plenty of things to upset his world! If he is feeding off of me, I find it interesting that it's him and not Dylan, who is typically the one closest to me, whereas Toby is more everyone in the household's cat. Heather senses his distress as well and has also been giving him extra attention too.
It occurs to me, though, that what he's sensing isn't necessarily from me, but is more earth bound, in which case, Heather would normally be more jittery as well. She is definitely an Earth child with some Fire mixed in, while I'm more Air with more than a little bit of Fire. I react more to changes in the weather and am energized by thunder storms, although I do sense earthquakes if they're closer to here. Heather senses them thousands of miles away! And I woke up this morning to more than just the usual fog we've had for the last few days. It was actually sprinkling! I wish I could say that I am more settled now, but it's really quite the opposite. I'm working from home today, but can't seem to sit still and focus for long periods of time. Maybe I'll go out and play in the rain later.
Last night, in an effort to both stop my madness and try to get rid of the persistent sore throat I've had for a couple of weeks, I wrote a long letter to someone who I needed to have a talk with, but, due to a number of factors, would not be able to do so. I did some ranting in my letter, as is one of my talents, poured out my feelings without restraints. After it was written, I printed it out and promptly put it through the shredder then deleted the file. Amazingly, the sore throat is completely gone today! As I suspected, my throat chakra was trying to tell me something, and was going to continue nagging until I paid attention! I tell my daughter to listen to her body, but do you think I'd take my own advice??? At any rate, I'm very grateful for the warning because I do, at least on the subject of the letter, feel much calmer today. Of course, my next exposure to this individual will be my best indication of whether or not my rant writing was sufficient, but there are always more opportunities to rant if need be!
Ahhhh, nothing like a nice meditation with my Dylan-man snuggled into the crook of my arm. What is it about cats, meditations, Tarot cards and anything spiritual? It seems to attract them like a magnet! They just seem to know when I'm tuning into the Universe, and they need to be a part of it. I was sitting on my bed, propped up on pillows with Munchkin on my left side and my iPhone tuned to the Ambient music station on Pandora when I felt the bed give slightly. I cracked an eye, saw it was Dylan, and drifted back into my meditation. He walked up my chest, rubbed his face against mine a few times, then pushed my left arm aside so he could snuggle between it and my body, and there he remained until my meditation was done. It was as if he was saying "I need to be a part of this". I guess it's the demi-god in them. They really are partly in the physical world and partly in the Spiritual one at all times so it takes very little to attract their Spiritual side. They just seem to feel the vibrations.
One change I am noticing as of the last couple of days is that, not only is my writing becoming more prolific, but I'm jumping from topic to topic quite a bit. Rather than being unusual, it's more like I'm returning to my normal state. It makes me think that something was stifling my creativity and my rapid thought process for awhile, and now, it's as if a heavy blanket has been lifted away and the resulting lightness is causing a great deal of activity. Could the need to release what's starting to flow freely be part of the restlessness I've been feeling? Are there important and stunning revelations about to spring from my fingers in the coming weeks? These and other questions will be answered in subsequent episodes of "As Sheri's world turns!"
Love and light
It occurs to me, though, that what he's sensing isn't necessarily from me, but is more earth bound, in which case, Heather would normally be more jittery as well. She is definitely an Earth child with some Fire mixed in, while I'm more Air with more than a little bit of Fire. I react more to changes in the weather and am energized by thunder storms, although I do sense earthquakes if they're closer to here. Heather senses them thousands of miles away! And I woke up this morning to more than just the usual fog we've had for the last few days. It was actually sprinkling! I wish I could say that I am more settled now, but it's really quite the opposite. I'm working from home today, but can't seem to sit still and focus for long periods of time. Maybe I'll go out and play in the rain later.
Last night, in an effort to both stop my madness and try to get rid of the persistent sore throat I've had for a couple of weeks, I wrote a long letter to someone who I needed to have a talk with, but, due to a number of factors, would not be able to do so. I did some ranting in my letter, as is one of my talents, poured out my feelings without restraints. After it was written, I printed it out and promptly put it through the shredder then deleted the file. Amazingly, the sore throat is completely gone today! As I suspected, my throat chakra was trying to tell me something, and was going to continue nagging until I paid attention! I tell my daughter to listen to her body, but do you think I'd take my own advice??? At any rate, I'm very grateful for the warning because I do, at least on the subject of the letter, feel much calmer today. Of course, my next exposure to this individual will be my best indication of whether or not my rant writing was sufficient, but there are always more opportunities to rant if need be!
Ahhhh, nothing like a nice meditation with my Dylan-man snuggled into the crook of my arm. What is it about cats, meditations, Tarot cards and anything spiritual? It seems to attract them like a magnet! They just seem to know when I'm tuning into the Universe, and they need to be a part of it. I was sitting on my bed, propped up on pillows with Munchkin on my left side and my iPhone tuned to the Ambient music station on Pandora when I felt the bed give slightly. I cracked an eye, saw it was Dylan, and drifted back into my meditation. He walked up my chest, rubbed his face against mine a few times, then pushed my left arm aside so he could snuggle between it and my body, and there he remained until my meditation was done. It was as if he was saying "I need to be a part of this". I guess it's the demi-god in them. They really are partly in the physical world and partly in the Spiritual one at all times so it takes very little to attract their Spiritual side. They just seem to feel the vibrations.
One change I am noticing as of the last couple of days is that, not only is my writing becoming more prolific, but I'm jumping from topic to topic quite a bit. Rather than being unusual, it's more like I'm returning to my normal state. It makes me think that something was stifling my creativity and my rapid thought process for awhile, and now, it's as if a heavy blanket has been lifted away and the resulting lightness is causing a great deal of activity. Could the need to release what's starting to flow freely be part of the restlessness I've been feeling? Are there important and stunning revelations about to spring from my fingers in the coming weeks? These and other questions will be answered in subsequent episodes of "As Sheri's world turns!"
Love and light
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
October 19, 2011 Unsettling
After yesterday's amazing and profound realizations, I find myself once again feeling very unsettled. I can't really put my finger on the cause, though I have opened my mind to suggestions today, but it feels like I'm about to leap off of an unexpected and uncharted cliff into the unknown. I truly believe that this leap will be necessary for me, and that it will, indeed, be a leap of faith, but it still leaves me feeling nervous and unsettled. It may be just that I don't know what it is or when it will occur and that leaves me feeling uncomfortable. I can be reasonably sure that this major change I'm anticipating will not directly impact my professional life, so at least that's one direction I don't need to keep in my sights. However, the control freak in me immediately curls into a protective ball and whimpers because what this leaves open to disruption are the areas of my life over which I don't really have much control. Granted, this is the point, and what will make this change amazing is that I will exercise what I've learned about allowing things to flow, but the combination of not knowing what is coming and knowing which areas of my life are likely to be affected are definitely giving me pause.
As I tossed and turned last night, finding it difficult to find sleep, it didn't even occur to me that I was about to enter another roller coaster ride in the next few days. It didn't even occur to me that the sleeplessness was an early indication of the unsettling, exciting, marvelous things I have to look forward to. It wasn't until mid morning today that I even realized that the unsettled feeling was what was putting me off. And now, I'm finding that my appetite is virtually gone as well (and those who know me know how much I enjoy food, so this is definitely significant!). However, I'm currently arguing with myself about the outrageously ridiculous conversations I was creating in my mind to steer myself away from certain issues and concerns because, (and maybe this is one of the first signs of insanity) some of them are actually starting to sound plausible to what must be a very demented mind! A couple of key points even showed up in my meditation AFTER I'd managed to clear my mind and put forth an invitation to the Universe to help me find some clarity! It makes me wonder if they're having a huge joke at my expense before dropping the prize in my lap! It's times like this that I feel like a kinder, gentler version of Job. My world is certainly not being ripped to shreds with death and plague and all manner of horrors. Rather, I am beset by delays, miscommunications, mixed signals and forgetfulness. It's as if I'm missing connections by mere seconds, but in missing those connections, something even better comes along, soon after I finish cursing myself about the missed connection.
For example, we've pretty much reconciled ourselves to the fact that the house will be torn up and the kitchen incomplete by Thanksgiving, and are already discussing alternate methods of preparing our annual feast without oven or stove. Mathom even had us cracking up at the idea of cooking pieces of turkey on forks over the fire pit (a bit hard to stuff it that way!). Heather chimed in that we could make the mashed potatoes and stuffing on the barbecue, but nobody has yet figured out how to make the annual pumpkin cheesecake. Something tells me that the final solution will be great fun for all concerned.
I'm reminded of the frantic, frenetic mood at Borderline last week and, in being reminded, am wondering if this unsettled feeling is mine alone, or if others are feeling it as well. Here's my thinking on why I find this significant. If the feelings are isolated to me and maybe a few others here and there, I would expect the changes to be localized to those feeling them coming, and maybe a few others who just aren't as sensitive to changing tides. However, if this feeling is more widespread, I would expect the changes to be less individual and more global. It's a good thing I'll be out among other people tonight as it will give me an opportunity to gauge how far this unsettledness is radiating.
Everyone else seemed pretty calm to me tonight, so apparently, the unsettledness is localized to me and perhaps a few others. No new insights though, but I did find that, even if I'm not hungry, I need to eat before I dance. My blood sugar tanked around 8:30 and I started getting cranky, so I came home and ate yogurt. Better now, but another lesson learned.
Hopefully, I'll have more to report tomorrow, but the Universe operates on its own schedule, so I'm not making any promises about something over which I have no control. I'm also still living with a very sore throat so I need to figure out what needs to be expressed and just get it out!
Love and light
As I tossed and turned last night, finding it difficult to find sleep, it didn't even occur to me that I was about to enter another roller coaster ride in the next few days. It didn't even occur to me that the sleeplessness was an early indication of the unsettling, exciting, marvelous things I have to look forward to. It wasn't until mid morning today that I even realized that the unsettled feeling was what was putting me off. And now, I'm finding that my appetite is virtually gone as well (and those who know me know how much I enjoy food, so this is definitely significant!). However, I'm currently arguing with myself about the outrageously ridiculous conversations I was creating in my mind to steer myself away from certain issues and concerns because, (and maybe this is one of the first signs of insanity) some of them are actually starting to sound plausible to what must be a very demented mind! A couple of key points even showed up in my meditation AFTER I'd managed to clear my mind and put forth an invitation to the Universe to help me find some clarity! It makes me wonder if they're having a huge joke at my expense before dropping the prize in my lap! It's times like this that I feel like a kinder, gentler version of Job. My world is certainly not being ripped to shreds with death and plague and all manner of horrors. Rather, I am beset by delays, miscommunications, mixed signals and forgetfulness. It's as if I'm missing connections by mere seconds, but in missing those connections, something even better comes along, soon after I finish cursing myself about the missed connection.
For example, we've pretty much reconciled ourselves to the fact that the house will be torn up and the kitchen incomplete by Thanksgiving, and are already discussing alternate methods of preparing our annual feast without oven or stove. Mathom even had us cracking up at the idea of cooking pieces of turkey on forks over the fire pit (a bit hard to stuff it that way!). Heather chimed in that we could make the mashed potatoes and stuffing on the barbecue, but nobody has yet figured out how to make the annual pumpkin cheesecake. Something tells me that the final solution will be great fun for all concerned.
I'm reminded of the frantic, frenetic mood at Borderline last week and, in being reminded, am wondering if this unsettled feeling is mine alone, or if others are feeling it as well. Here's my thinking on why I find this significant. If the feelings are isolated to me and maybe a few others here and there, I would expect the changes to be localized to those feeling them coming, and maybe a few others who just aren't as sensitive to changing tides. However, if this feeling is more widespread, I would expect the changes to be less individual and more global. It's a good thing I'll be out among other people tonight as it will give me an opportunity to gauge how far this unsettledness is radiating.
Everyone else seemed pretty calm to me tonight, so apparently, the unsettledness is localized to me and perhaps a few others. No new insights though, but I did find that, even if I'm not hungry, I need to eat before I dance. My blood sugar tanked around 8:30 and I started getting cranky, so I came home and ate yogurt. Better now, but another lesson learned.
Hopefully, I'll have more to report tomorrow, but the Universe operates on its own schedule, so I'm not making any promises about something over which I have no control. I'm also still living with a very sore throat so I need to figure out what needs to be expressed and just get it out!
Love and light
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