This morning, I woke from a dream that combined my two favorite things, dancing and writing. Not that I was doing them together, but I was trying to make time for both.
The writing came in as we were preparing for some kind of reunion, but it wasn't a school reunion as it involved a lot of people I didn't go to school with. For the reunion, we were supposed to write two pieces. The first was a kind of mini self-history and the second was "A Day in the Life" and could be just about anything. (one friend said she was going to write about a guitar pick!) I was also supposed to ghost write at least on person's self history and was awaiting the information so I could put it together.
Meanwhile, I was at some kind of large venue where tables had been moved out to create a dance floor. When the powers that be moved the tables back to accommodate diners, other options were explored. Two different DJ's showed up. One was playing line dances and the dancers had moved some of the tables to make room to dance. The other was going to play swing music and had laid down a floor which looked more like rubber floor mats, like the ones they have at a gym, than a dance floor. It was apparently at one of the dancers' homes and he was providing chips and dips and asking the dancers to bring their favorite snacks. The event appeared to be one that was expected to repeat for some time.
So here I was, faced with a dilemma. Work on my writing projects or dance. There didn't seem to be anything else required of me at this point.
Meanwhile, I seemed to move from location to location via an iPad, although I was struggling a bit to learn how to find a venue I wanted to reach. Slowly, I mastered the process and was able to navigate around, but the last place I entered seemed to be extremely crowded with people waiting in line for some undisclosed reason, and the line dancers struggling to reclaim some of their territory.
In a week when I've danced 4 nights in a row and gone to the gym 4 times, it's small wonder that I'm having trouble figuring out how to fit everything in. Even my blog post last night was rather pathetic compared to what I've been writing lately.
But tomorrow is Mother's Day, and I'll have most of the day to myself to run errands, get some things done around the house, and maybe even do some writing! I might try one of the suggestions from my dream, just for grins! In the evening, the kids are cooking dinner for me, and we'll probably spend some time sitting on the patio as the weather has been gorgeous!
I am feeling incredibly grateful right now. Though a bit achy, my body is really getting with the fitness program, and I found that I could dance harder and longer tonight, which, after 3 nights in a row before tonight is pretty amazing. During my workout today, I found that I need to increase the weights as they're getting too light. And several people told me I looked like I was losing weight (though the truth is, I haven't lost any more than the 4 pounds I'd already dropped, since I've been doing so much weight work!). Clearly, the inches are removing themselves from the vicinity of my hips! My energy level is definitely higher and my mood is lighter as well! I've hit the one month mark and blew past it before I even knew it.
Like my lunches and my blogging, I can't seem to make myself miss a workout any more. It's as if I'm just not complete without each and every one of them! And that is EXACTLY what I was striving for! To get the habit so ingrained that it literally pained me to skip a day!
Yet another new habit is formed!!! This self-improvement stuff is really rather cool! Here's my formula:
Step 1: Pick something you want to improve upon
Step 2: Set a clear plan
Step 3: Give yourself little rewards for sticking to your plan
Step 4: Repeat according to plan
Step 5: Reach the 1 month point and realize that you can't finish your day/week without having followed your plan.
Step 6: The new habit is formed!
Step 7: Pick something else you want to improve on and repeat steps 1-6.
By using this formula I have set the following new habits since August 2012;
1. Blog every day
2. Fix healthy breakfasts and lunches ahead of time so I can just grab and go
3. Meditate at least 5 times a week
4. Get up earlier so I can get out the door on time.
5. Work out 3 times a week.
6. Dance at least 3 nights a week.
I guess it's time to work on getting my house clean, huh? Or at least less dirty! I have, thankfully, conquered most of the clutter, but there are still things to get rid of!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for good habits formed.
2. I am grateful for opportunities to make friends happy.
3. I am grateful for a body which is able to do more, last longer and feel good the morning after!
4. I am grateful for an abundance of energy, drive and imagination.
5. I am grateful for love and friendship.
Love and light
Saturday, May 11, 2013
May 10, 2013 As the week winds down
This has been a crazy, busy week that started last Friday night, and has shown no signs of letting up. And that goes for both work and personal life! I've either gone to the gym or danced every night this week (and on some nights, I've done both!) My knees are cursing me soundly, especially after I did 20 minutes on the evil stairmaster on Tuesday, but I just keep telling them to suck it up because the end result will ultimately please them (stronger surrounding muscles and a lot less weight to carry around!)
Unfortunately, the one to suffer for all of this activity will be my blog as I'm too tired to even just let my fingers do the walking tonight! I promise to do better tomorrow (in between gym, street fair, errands and dancing, of course!) but tonight, I must post my gratitudes and let my body sleep!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to be able to get some exercise every day.
2. I am grateful for friends to go out dancing extra nights with.
3. I am grateful for knees that are not too annoyed when I tell them to suck it up!
4. I am grateful for a bed full of cuddlers to purr me to sleep tonight.
5. I am grateful for all of the people who read and comment on my blog.
Love and light.
Unfortunately, the one to suffer for all of this activity will be my blog as I'm too tired to even just let my fingers do the walking tonight! I promise to do better tomorrow (in between gym, street fair, errands and dancing, of course!) but tonight, I must post my gratitudes and let my body sleep!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to be able to get some exercise every day.
2. I am grateful for friends to go out dancing extra nights with.
3. I am grateful for knees that are not too annoyed when I tell them to suck it up!
4. I am grateful for a bed full of cuddlers to purr me to sleep tonight.
5. I am grateful for all of the people who read and comment on my blog.
Love and light.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
May 9, 2013 Dreams reflect our mental gymnastics
Going to bed with a mental Disneyland parading around in my head yielded some interesting results. My brain waves were a rather distorted version of Space Mountain meets It's a Small World on caffeine.
Clearly, decisions and choices I'm facing were reflected in my dreams, in all of their convoluted glory. Here's a brief synopsis of my night.
1. I was invited to visit some people. They said their home was difficult to find so I was to meet them at what turned out to be a boutique real estate office which catered to very wealthy Jews. The office was located on Ventura Blvd. I was met and instructed to follow someone as they drove to an immense house up in the hills.
2. While visiting, I spent time talking to a man who worked as a stage actor. While we spoke he suggested putting my wallet into their safe. It seemed like a good idea to do so, though I have no idea why.
3. The man asked me a lot of questions and started mapping out what he perceived that I wanted/needed in a man/partner.
4. Upon leaving their estate, I found myself on a train. I ordered food from a waitress who was going up and down the aisles, then realized that I didn't have my wallet, only my purse, phone and iPad. I caught up with her and told her to cancel my order unless she could accept my credit card number in payment as I had it memorized. The actor was also on the train and told me that he'd pay for my lunch and arrange to get my wallet back to me. For some reason, I didn't want him to do that, preferring to cancel the order if I couldn't pay for it myself.
5. A woman I was supposed to visit at the mansion proved elusive, but was apparently an actress. Her name seemed familiar, but I couldn't place it and planned to Google it later.
6. I remember thinking that I'd drive back to the house and get my wallet, and figured that now that I'd been there once, I could find the place myself.
I woke suddenly from the dream, realizing that I'd overslept by about 45 minutes, so it ended with me on the train, trying to cancel my lunch order.
A number of questions went through my head when I woke up.
1. Why was I on the train instead of driving my car home?
2. Why was it so important that I pay for my own lunch?
3. Why was I invited to these peoples' home?
4. Why was the man trying to find me a mate?
At first, when I awoke, the dream was slipping away, and knowing that the more I tried to remember, the more it would fade, I purposefully refrained from trying to grab the threads. As a result, it started coming back to me on it's own. Somehow, I knew that I had to allow it to come back as it contained some valuable information.
But how to make sense of this convoluted mess?
I know that I'm being faced with some choices right now which could very well change my lifestyle dramatically. I want to make sure that when I do make my choices, I won't be compromising my ideals simply for the sake of creature comforts. Things are not, however, always as they seem and there a lot of false fronts being shown to me right now. The key will be to always depend upon myself and my own judgement to see through to what is real and true. As long as I remain true to myself and hold fast to what is truly important, I won't be fooled or misled by the illusions. This is definitely a time when my analytical side will be put to good use, wading through all of the facts and fluff to figure out which path is the one which will take me closer to my dreams and my goals.
Of course, in the back of my mind is the realization that my life is getting busier again and I really need to find time to fix some things around the house and do some cleaning! Maybe the solution to that will appear in tonight's episode of "Sheri's brain. Stranger than truth!"
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my dancing which keeps me active and motivated to get myself into better shape.
2. I am grateful for friends who are helping me to expand my horizons.
3. I am grateful for my cats who keep me grounded and loved.
4. I am grateful for my daughter and son-in-law who are always there to help me when I need it, and who make me feel special and loved.
5. I am grateful for my dance friends who tend to walk on the sunny side of the street, regardless of life's challenges.
Love and light,
Clearly, decisions and choices I'm facing were reflected in my dreams, in all of their convoluted glory. Here's a brief synopsis of my night.
1. I was invited to visit some people. They said their home was difficult to find so I was to meet them at what turned out to be a boutique real estate office which catered to very wealthy Jews. The office was located on Ventura Blvd. I was met and instructed to follow someone as they drove to an immense house up in the hills.
2. While visiting, I spent time talking to a man who worked as a stage actor. While we spoke he suggested putting my wallet into their safe. It seemed like a good idea to do so, though I have no idea why.
3. The man asked me a lot of questions and started mapping out what he perceived that I wanted/needed in a man/partner.
4. Upon leaving their estate, I found myself on a train. I ordered food from a waitress who was going up and down the aisles, then realized that I didn't have my wallet, only my purse, phone and iPad. I caught up with her and told her to cancel my order unless she could accept my credit card number in payment as I had it memorized. The actor was also on the train and told me that he'd pay for my lunch and arrange to get my wallet back to me. For some reason, I didn't want him to do that, preferring to cancel the order if I couldn't pay for it myself.
5. A woman I was supposed to visit at the mansion proved elusive, but was apparently an actress. Her name seemed familiar, but I couldn't place it and planned to Google it later.
6. I remember thinking that I'd drive back to the house and get my wallet, and figured that now that I'd been there once, I could find the place myself.
I woke suddenly from the dream, realizing that I'd overslept by about 45 minutes, so it ended with me on the train, trying to cancel my lunch order.
A number of questions went through my head when I woke up.
1. Why was I on the train instead of driving my car home?
2. Why was it so important that I pay for my own lunch?
3. Why was I invited to these peoples' home?
4. Why was the man trying to find me a mate?
At first, when I awoke, the dream was slipping away, and knowing that the more I tried to remember, the more it would fade, I purposefully refrained from trying to grab the threads. As a result, it started coming back to me on it's own. Somehow, I knew that I had to allow it to come back as it contained some valuable information.
But how to make sense of this convoluted mess?
I know that I'm being faced with some choices right now which could very well change my lifestyle dramatically. I want to make sure that when I do make my choices, I won't be compromising my ideals simply for the sake of creature comforts. Things are not, however, always as they seem and there a lot of false fronts being shown to me right now. The key will be to always depend upon myself and my own judgement to see through to what is real and true. As long as I remain true to myself and hold fast to what is truly important, I won't be fooled or misled by the illusions. This is definitely a time when my analytical side will be put to good use, wading through all of the facts and fluff to figure out which path is the one which will take me closer to my dreams and my goals.
Of course, in the back of my mind is the realization that my life is getting busier again and I really need to find time to fix some things around the house and do some cleaning! Maybe the solution to that will appear in tonight's episode of "Sheri's brain. Stranger than truth!"
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my dancing which keeps me active and motivated to get myself into better shape.
2. I am grateful for friends who are helping me to expand my horizons.
3. I am grateful for my cats who keep me grounded and loved.
4. I am grateful for my daughter and son-in-law who are always there to help me when I need it, and who make me feel special and loved.
5. I am grateful for my dance friends who tend to walk on the sunny side of the street, regardless of life's challenges.
Love and light,
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
May 8, 2013. Falling in like: not as easy as it seems
I've been working diligently on falling back in like with my day job and was feeling as if I was actually making progress when one of those delightful little Universal head slaps was delivered just as I'd let my guard down and started feeling prematurely self-satisfied. Now, I'm left wondering where best to direct my energies. Would it serve me well to selectively fall in like with my less than perfect world or does it make more sense to either like it all or change what I don't like?
Which raises the question, do we ever really like all aspects of any situation or do we simply learn to take the good with the bad after performing an assessment as to whether the things we do like warrant putting up with the things we don't? I'm not even going to delve into the Pandora's box surrounding making changes to the situation to better serve our needs because, frankly, I've learned after many years of figuratively beating myself senseless against endless brick walls that the only behavior I can change is my own and the only attitude I control is mine. Everything else constitutes either something I accept or something I walk away from. No amount of self-flagellation will change that.
In fact, I truly believe that the most valuable lesson I've learned in recent years is to accept. But acceptance is a long way from falling in like. It involves finding and embracing the things which make me want to get up and start each new day in that world. It means finding the aspects of the situation that allow me to grow or establish better habits or learn new skills. It means weighing what I'm putting into the situation with what I believe I'm taking out or have the potential to take out to determine whether the effort and possible rewards are in balance.
And therein lies the rub. The analytical, accounting, all numbers must balance side of me already has the mental spreadsheets ready to be populated. Meanwhile, the idealistic, head in the clouds, trying-to-bring-a- whole-bunch-of-ideas-together-to-make-a-story side of me is saying "screw the spreadsheets! How does this make you feel?"
As I rest back on the heels of this dilemma, I'm made painfully aware that the real issue is the internal war being waged by my multiple personalities! Add in the ADHD and...where was I going with this anyway?
And so, once again, I find myself on the horns of a dilemma. Do I continue on my current path or take a detour, or do I just throw caution to the wind and do something totally different? Do I dream or do I analyze? Which one, or neither?
For now, I think I'll go cuddle some cats, make lunches for tomorrow and Friday and sleep on it!
Stay tuned for more Universal head slaps and ADHD moments.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for friends who will listen to me babble and actually find some sense in my verbal meanderings.
2. I am grateful for my active lifestyle.
3. I am grateful for an abundance of time, money, love and opportunities.
4. I am grateful for project completions.
5. I am grateful for opportunities to expand my mind.
Love and light.
Which raises the question, do we ever really like all aspects of any situation or do we simply learn to take the good with the bad after performing an assessment as to whether the things we do like warrant putting up with the things we don't? I'm not even going to delve into the Pandora's box surrounding making changes to the situation to better serve our needs because, frankly, I've learned after many years of figuratively beating myself senseless against endless brick walls that the only behavior I can change is my own and the only attitude I control is mine. Everything else constitutes either something I accept or something I walk away from. No amount of self-flagellation will change that.
In fact, I truly believe that the most valuable lesson I've learned in recent years is to accept. But acceptance is a long way from falling in like. It involves finding and embracing the things which make me want to get up and start each new day in that world. It means finding the aspects of the situation that allow me to grow or establish better habits or learn new skills. It means weighing what I'm putting into the situation with what I believe I'm taking out or have the potential to take out to determine whether the effort and possible rewards are in balance.
And therein lies the rub. The analytical, accounting, all numbers must balance side of me already has the mental spreadsheets ready to be populated. Meanwhile, the idealistic, head in the clouds, trying-to-bring-a- whole-bunch-of-ideas-together-to-make-a-story side of me is saying "screw the spreadsheets! How does this make you feel?"
As I rest back on the heels of this dilemma, I'm made painfully aware that the real issue is the internal war being waged by my multiple personalities! Add in the ADHD and...where was I going with this anyway?
And so, once again, I find myself on the horns of a dilemma. Do I continue on my current path or take a detour, or do I just throw caution to the wind and do something totally different? Do I dream or do I analyze? Which one, or neither?
For now, I think I'll go cuddle some cats, make lunches for tomorrow and Friday and sleep on it!
Stay tuned for more Universal head slaps and ADHD moments.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for friends who will listen to me babble and actually find some sense in my verbal meanderings.
2. I am grateful for my active lifestyle.
3. I am grateful for an abundance of time, money, love and opportunities.
4. I am grateful for project completions.
5. I am grateful for opportunities to expand my mind.
Love and light.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
May 7, 2013 Improvements
Last night I had a couple of interesting dreams:
Dream 1: I was able to squat, bending my knees completely with absolutely no pain.
I find this one particularly interesting because, 7 months post surgery, I am still feeling twinges of pain. My solution has been to make sure I do extra squats and other exercises I did during PT to try to get the knee moving more freely again on my 3 days a week at the gym. This is, of course, in addition to 2 to 4 nights a week of dancing. The bottom line is that I'm ready to be fully functional, and I don't mean the way I was in the months leading up to the knee surgery. I'm looking at an activity level at least equal to what I could do 20 or 30 years ago. My doctor told me yesterday that I am not anything close to old, and that 50 is the new 30. I believe her and my body should too!
Dream 2: I was living in a remote area which was at risk for wild fires. During a fire, the firemen came to fight a fire where my house was located, and I told them not to worry as I'd installed a sprinkler system. They told me that the heat of the fire would render the sensors useless. I directed their attention to an area high above the house and surrounding area where what looked like extremely tall telephone poles were connected by what appeared to be a web of wires, and as they watched, it started to mist at first. They scoffed, saying that wouldn't do much for the fire. The mist soon turned to a heavy downpour, at which point, they took me seriously and realized their services were better used elsewhere as I had everything under control.
Again, not a surprising dream given the 28,000 acre brush fire not far from my office which they are now mopping up. Although I know that the rugged terrain which surrounds us out here needs to be burned off periodically to get rid of the dried and decaying undergrowth, I also think about Heather's dream to have an animal rescue and know that in order to do what she wants to do, it will have to be somewhere remote where fire danger may well be a serious consideration. I'm clearly trying to work out solutions which would protect her rescues.
I'm really starting to take falling in like with my day job very seriously. I'm finding that my level of enthusiasm is increasing daily as I find more things about my job which are preparing me for the next, new challenge! In fact, I seem to have a more positive outlook about future events than the people I work for! How's that for getting extra motivated? I know I can't change the culture, but I can certainly be a positive influence on the people around me, and hopefully, cheer us on towards our best performances ever on tasks where we are having to really learn them as we go!
What is especially gratifying is that we are learning from previous mistakes, taking them to heart and implementing improvements. Although it's a painful way to learn, it is highly effective, and we're finding that we put our heads together to ensure that those lessons really are learned and hopefully, don't have to be repeated.
So I end the day with thoughts of very happy knees, fire protection for rescued animals and continued improvement in my work environment. Not bad for a day's work, if you ask me!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for improvements.
2. I am grateful for green lights and clear traffic both to and from work.
3. I am grateful for miniature cartons of Haagen Daz coconut macaroon ice cream, a guilty pleasure in a guilt-free size.
4. I am grateful for Loki's continued improvement, health-wise, and her own efforts to help us help her.
5. I am grateful for life's lessons which only make me stronger, smarter and happier.
Love and light.
Dream 1: I was able to squat, bending my knees completely with absolutely no pain.
I find this one particularly interesting because, 7 months post surgery, I am still feeling twinges of pain. My solution has been to make sure I do extra squats and other exercises I did during PT to try to get the knee moving more freely again on my 3 days a week at the gym. This is, of course, in addition to 2 to 4 nights a week of dancing. The bottom line is that I'm ready to be fully functional, and I don't mean the way I was in the months leading up to the knee surgery. I'm looking at an activity level at least equal to what I could do 20 or 30 years ago. My doctor told me yesterday that I am not anything close to old, and that 50 is the new 30. I believe her and my body should too!
Dream 2: I was living in a remote area which was at risk for wild fires. During a fire, the firemen came to fight a fire where my house was located, and I told them not to worry as I'd installed a sprinkler system. They told me that the heat of the fire would render the sensors useless. I directed their attention to an area high above the house and surrounding area where what looked like extremely tall telephone poles were connected by what appeared to be a web of wires, and as they watched, it started to mist at first. They scoffed, saying that wouldn't do much for the fire. The mist soon turned to a heavy downpour, at which point, they took me seriously and realized their services were better used elsewhere as I had everything under control.
Again, not a surprising dream given the 28,000 acre brush fire not far from my office which they are now mopping up. Although I know that the rugged terrain which surrounds us out here needs to be burned off periodically to get rid of the dried and decaying undergrowth, I also think about Heather's dream to have an animal rescue and know that in order to do what she wants to do, it will have to be somewhere remote where fire danger may well be a serious consideration. I'm clearly trying to work out solutions which would protect her rescues.
I'm really starting to take falling in like with my day job very seriously. I'm finding that my level of enthusiasm is increasing daily as I find more things about my job which are preparing me for the next, new challenge! In fact, I seem to have a more positive outlook about future events than the people I work for! How's that for getting extra motivated? I know I can't change the culture, but I can certainly be a positive influence on the people around me, and hopefully, cheer us on towards our best performances ever on tasks where we are having to really learn them as we go!
What is especially gratifying is that we are learning from previous mistakes, taking them to heart and implementing improvements. Although it's a painful way to learn, it is highly effective, and we're finding that we put our heads together to ensure that those lessons really are learned and hopefully, don't have to be repeated.
So I end the day with thoughts of very happy knees, fire protection for rescued animals and continued improvement in my work environment. Not bad for a day's work, if you ask me!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for improvements.
2. I am grateful for green lights and clear traffic both to and from work.
3. I am grateful for miniature cartons of Haagen Daz coconut macaroon ice cream, a guilty pleasure in a guilt-free size.
4. I am grateful for Loki's continued improvement, health-wise, and her own efforts to help us help her.
5. I am grateful for life's lessons which only make me stronger, smarter and happier.
Love and light.
May 6, 2013 Interviewing potential employers. What questions would you ask?
Tonight I read a few posts from my fellow bloggers, mostly because I knew that by the time I finished writing, I'd be ready to take out my contacts and go to bed! It's been a long, busy day and I finally got back to my gym workouts after neglecting them, after a fashion, over the weekend. That is not to say that I didn't get a great deal of exercise, walking a good portion of a twelve acre property, but I didn't do my weight work and frankly, I missed it. So tonight, I did my Saturday workout and tomorrow I'll do my Monday one, and then I'll be back on track.
I also spent part of today working on falling in like with my day job. I know that I'm still a ways off from making my dream job keep me in the style to which I'd like to become accustomed, and I really am learning some useful skills from a job which fulfills my needs if not my passion.
I read an interesting post today about going into a job interview with the intention of interviewing the company to see if they are a good fit for you, which the writer then likened to going into a dating/social situation with the intention of determining if the person or people were a good fit for you. I was quite intrigued by this perspective, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that going to an interview with questions for your perspective employer is a rather good idea. Giving it some thought, I've come up with a few questions of my own, and would love to hear ideas from other people.
1. How would you describe your company's culture?
2. What would you consider your company's essential values?
3. Where do you see this company in 5 years?
4. Are you in a growth cycle, or one in which you've established your niche and are solidifying your position?
5. What do you see as your company's biggest weakness?
6. What challenges presented by your competitors are most important for you to overcome?
7. What, if anything, do you expect from your employees in terms of innovation?
8. Do you believe that it is important to hire for key positions from outside the company or to develop from within? Can you tell me where you found your last 5 key hires?
9. How long does the average employee remain with your company?
10. Do you offer training or educational incentives to encourage employees to improve current skills or gain new ones? .
OK, that's a good start. I look forward to seeing what other people come up with, and find important in determining whether a potential employer will be a good match for their own personality, culture and skill set.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the amazing and inspiring posts which are coming into my world.
2. I am grateful to be back on track with my gym regimen.
3. I am grateful for aching muscles which are a sign of a stronger me to come!
4. I am grateful for inspiration which will get my book back on the right track (even if it means discarding thousands of words!)
5. I am grateful for my dreams as they drive me forward into new and uncharted territory.
Love and light.
I also spent part of today working on falling in like with my day job. I know that I'm still a ways off from making my dream job keep me in the style to which I'd like to become accustomed, and I really am learning some useful skills from a job which fulfills my needs if not my passion.
I read an interesting post today about going into a job interview with the intention of interviewing the company to see if they are a good fit for you, which the writer then likened to going into a dating/social situation with the intention of determining if the person or people were a good fit for you. I was quite intrigued by this perspective, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that going to an interview with questions for your perspective employer is a rather good idea. Giving it some thought, I've come up with a few questions of my own, and would love to hear ideas from other people.
1. How would you describe your company's culture?
2. What would you consider your company's essential values?
3. Where do you see this company in 5 years?
4. Are you in a growth cycle, or one in which you've established your niche and are solidifying your position?
5. What do you see as your company's biggest weakness?
6. What challenges presented by your competitors are most important for you to overcome?
7. What, if anything, do you expect from your employees in terms of innovation?
8. Do you believe that it is important to hire for key positions from outside the company or to develop from within? Can you tell me where you found your last 5 key hires?
9. How long does the average employee remain with your company?
10. Do you offer training or educational incentives to encourage employees to improve current skills or gain new ones? .
OK, that's a good start. I look forward to seeing what other people come up with, and find important in determining whether a potential employer will be a good match for their own personality, culture and skill set.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the amazing and inspiring posts which are coming into my world.
2. I am grateful to be back on track with my gym regimen.
3. I am grateful for aching muscles which are a sign of a stronger me to come!
4. I am grateful for inspiration which will get my book back on the right track (even if it means discarding thousands of words!)
5. I am grateful for my dreams as they drive me forward into new and uncharted territory.
Love and light.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
May 5, 2013 Winding down the weekend
As I sit here, trying to wax eloquent after spending the day winding down from a crazy Friday and Saturday (though I did get the grocery shopping done and let the kids take me to see Iron Man 3), bits and pieces from other blogs are rattling around in my head. The bottom line is that I will, once again, disconnect my annoyingly analytical brain and let my fingers run the show. The results, as many of you might have seen, are anything but predictable.
Friday night, I posted a quote about sparkling, and have, in my own way, tried to live that thought, even when I was being lazy today. My idea of lazy is to spend a lot of time with cats in my lap and snuggled up beside me, reading or playing computer games, or just thinking. I also got a very nice meditation in with, you guessed it, a cat curled up in my lap.
I picked up another fleece blanket in the silent auction at the Cat House on the Kings open house and laid it on the back of my sofa when I got home. Scooby, being the dilettante he is, eschewed the new blanket for the old, fur covered one which was already on the back of the sofa. Realizing that the problem was the smell, I used the blanket while icing my overworked knee. Now, it has my scent on it, and he is quite happy to use it too!
Cats are very particular creatures and something like a scent is enough to put them off of something. This is why they have marvelous ways of marking things and people as "safe". My brood regularly rub their faces on mine, over my shirts and on the clean bedclothes. No matter that I've just washed the bedding in lavender scented detergent and fabric softener! It doesn't have THEIR scent so it's not good enough.
Friends who visit, whether they realize it or not, are also subjected to this re-scenting so they smell right to my little darlings. But some of them are a tad less gentle than others, and will resort to rather rough head bonks on legs, shoulders and arms.
But my desk must require a lot of rescenting because, invariably, two of three of them sprawl across it at any given time. I'd really like to explain to them that the desk has a purpose beyond being a cat bed but something tells me they'd turn a deaf ear.
We did get our share of re-scenting while visiting the Cat House on the Kings yesterday. Many of the inhabitants are quite friendly and some are rather demanding. I had one rather large black and white cat climbing my leg (with claws out, mind you) until I picked him up and allowed him to make himself at home in my lap. There he twisted and turned to ensure that skritches were applied in the proper spots and with adequate pressure, and remained for about twenty minutes before wandering off to nap in the shade. Later, a marmalade tabby was quite happy to snuggle in my arms and get his share of attention while his tortie friend curled into the back of my neck.
I was truly awed by the way the cats all managed to coexist and even at least tolerate a number of dogs who dashed from one end of the place to the other. Most dashed, although one particularly gorgeous standard poodle rather galloped from place to place. The cats had clearly learned to stay out of the way when they heard those galloping feet coming their way!
Nevertheless, I was quite happy to come home to my own little brood who made it very clear that they were not pleased to have been left alone over night. It didn't matter that I'd been gone less than 24 hours, the fact is, I wasn't there to snuggle with on Friday night and they woke up alone on Saturday morning! They also missed their morning wet food, which might be even more inexcusable than denying them their warm body to sleep on. If it makes any difference to them, I wasn't able to sleep well without their comforting presence. Is it any wonder I rarely leave home for more than a day or two?
(Even as I sit here writing, I have to reach over and rub Dylan's belly, stroke Toby and give Scooby some attention lest they feel neglected!)
OK, I admit it. I'm a crazy cat lady. But they always welcome me when I get home, are happy to see me and someone is always nearby when I am sitting still. They even do their best to make visitors feel welcome (and no, it does not involve leaving freshly caught "presents" at their feet!)
I have a great deal of respect for people who take the time to help an animal in need, or just pay attention to one who comes around. The recent spate of fires down here has brought out several of those heroes who take the lives of all living creatures very seriously. I am very grateful for people like that! I've always felt that people who are kind and considerate to animals are much better for it and for the rest of us!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for animal people, in all of their shapes, sizes, colors and types.
2. I am grateful for cooler, wetter days to help the overworked firemen put out the recent fires.
3. I am grateful for a job which allows me to make a living, learn new things and improve upon my dream.
4. I am grateful for a dream which allows me to focus on improvement in everything I do.
5. I am grateful for an abundance of magic in my life.
Love and light.
Friday night, I posted a quote about sparkling, and have, in my own way, tried to live that thought, even when I was being lazy today. My idea of lazy is to spend a lot of time with cats in my lap and snuggled up beside me, reading or playing computer games, or just thinking. I also got a very nice meditation in with, you guessed it, a cat curled up in my lap.
I picked up another fleece blanket in the silent auction at the Cat House on the Kings open house and laid it on the back of my sofa when I got home. Scooby, being the dilettante he is, eschewed the new blanket for the old, fur covered one which was already on the back of the sofa. Realizing that the problem was the smell, I used the blanket while icing my overworked knee. Now, it has my scent on it, and he is quite happy to use it too!
Cats are very particular creatures and something like a scent is enough to put them off of something. This is why they have marvelous ways of marking things and people as "safe". My brood regularly rub their faces on mine, over my shirts and on the clean bedclothes. No matter that I've just washed the bedding in lavender scented detergent and fabric softener! It doesn't have THEIR scent so it's not good enough.
Friends who visit, whether they realize it or not, are also subjected to this re-scenting so they smell right to my little darlings. But some of them are a tad less gentle than others, and will resort to rather rough head bonks on legs, shoulders and arms.
But my desk must require a lot of rescenting because, invariably, two of three of them sprawl across it at any given time. I'd really like to explain to them that the desk has a purpose beyond being a cat bed but something tells me they'd turn a deaf ear.
We did get our share of re-scenting while visiting the Cat House on the Kings yesterday. Many of the inhabitants are quite friendly and some are rather demanding. I had one rather large black and white cat climbing my leg (with claws out, mind you) until I picked him up and allowed him to make himself at home in my lap. There he twisted and turned to ensure that skritches were applied in the proper spots and with adequate pressure, and remained for about twenty minutes before wandering off to nap in the shade. Later, a marmalade tabby was quite happy to snuggle in my arms and get his share of attention while his tortie friend curled into the back of my neck.
I was truly awed by the way the cats all managed to coexist and even at least tolerate a number of dogs who dashed from one end of the place to the other. Most dashed, although one particularly gorgeous standard poodle rather galloped from place to place. The cats had clearly learned to stay out of the way when they heard those galloping feet coming their way!
Nevertheless, I was quite happy to come home to my own little brood who made it very clear that they were not pleased to have been left alone over night. It didn't matter that I'd been gone less than 24 hours, the fact is, I wasn't there to snuggle with on Friday night and they woke up alone on Saturday morning! They also missed their morning wet food, which might be even more inexcusable than denying them their warm body to sleep on. If it makes any difference to them, I wasn't able to sleep well without their comforting presence. Is it any wonder I rarely leave home for more than a day or two?
(Even as I sit here writing, I have to reach over and rub Dylan's belly, stroke Toby and give Scooby some attention lest they feel neglected!)
OK, I admit it. I'm a crazy cat lady. But they always welcome me when I get home, are happy to see me and someone is always nearby when I am sitting still. They even do their best to make visitors feel welcome (and no, it does not involve leaving freshly caught "presents" at their feet!)
I have a great deal of respect for people who take the time to help an animal in need, or just pay attention to one who comes around. The recent spate of fires down here has brought out several of those heroes who take the lives of all living creatures very seriously. I am very grateful for people like that! I've always felt that people who are kind and considerate to animals are much better for it and for the rest of us!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for animal people, in all of their shapes, sizes, colors and types.
2. I am grateful for cooler, wetter days to help the overworked firemen put out the recent fires.
3. I am grateful for a job which allows me to make a living, learn new things and improve upon my dream.
4. I am grateful for a dream which allows me to focus on improvement in everything I do.
5. I am grateful for an abundance of magic in my life.
Love and light.
Friday, May 3, 2013
May 3, 2013 Spreading the Sparkle
In light of my realization that I can turn the negativity valve off permanently, this quote fit right in.
I cannot recall just how many times I've been told that my endless positivity gets annoying at times but I have to agree that, under the circumstances, I, too, refuse to allow anyone to dull my sparkle! I shall distribute my sparkle freely, wherever and whenever I please. My supply of spaRkly fairy dust is endless and, in fact, grows larger, the more it is shared.
Imagine how difficult, even impossible it will be for negativity to get past so much sparkle. In fact, I'm reminded of the example of the vase filled first with stones, then pebbles, sand and finally water to exemplify how space continues to exist between pieces of tightly packed matter. In the example, water filled the last spaces but in reality, if you wer to break it down to a molecular level, there would still be microscopic gaps through which negative energy could creep. But by adding sparkle, I not only fill those microscopic gaps, but add a very powerful negative energy repellant in the bargain.
Thus, I am fully engaged in drawing only positive energy and am even more surely allowing the Laws of Attraction to fulfill my requests. The sparkle serves as an incredibly bright, shiny beacon telling those Laws "here I am! Can you find me now? I am fully allowing my intentions to be manifested. You will encounter no resistance!"
Isn't this what we're really trying to achieve? We send our intentions out into that vast entity I know as the Universe, trusting, believing that those intentions will be manifested. Our only job once our intentions have been communicated is to allow them., to erase all signs of resistance. And by spreading my sparkle with wild abandon and tremendous glee, I am engaging in the purest form of allowing possible
So like it or not and completely oblivious to those who might find it irritating, this is me, spreading sparkle wherever I go, whatever I do and to whoever I meet.
Let the sparkling begin!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for inspiration that, quite literally, falls into my lap.
2. I am grateful for a safe and uneventful, laughter filled drive with my daughter
3. I am grateful for the people who continue to encourage and inspire me
4. I am grateful for the positive energy which increasingly fills my life with joy and enthusiasm
5. I am grateful for lessons in love, kindness and giving I receive more and more as I learn to allow
Love and light
Thursday, May 2, 2013
May 2, 2013 Looking back to see how far I've come
I received one of those reminders today that makes you stop and go "hmmmmm". This one focused on the progress I've made since I chose happiness. Though the process began when I realized I needed to end my marriage, I didn't really get serious until I discovered "The Secret" and "The Laws of Attraction", but not just discovered them, made the decision to put them into practice.
I had a few false starts, and have changed directions a number of times, but in the end, I've maneuvered myself out of the dreaded doldrums and into a life with more sunshine than rain, more laughter than tears and more compassion and forgiveness than I gave myself credit for possessing.
Along the way, I learned that holding onto grudges only drags you down. I learned that continuing to harbor anger over the misdeeds of others, both real and imagined, will only wear at you until your body gets tired of it all and starts to rebel. I've also learned that looking myself in the mirror and saying "I love you so very, very much" is one of the best youth tonics available, and it costs nothing!
I've also learned (as I write this while surrounded by my cats) that no bad feelings can survive a few moments spent cuddling a cat and listening to his purr.
Continuing to clear negative energy from your life leaves more room for the positive, but it also makes you less receptive to negativity, complaining and thoughts of unworthiness. Pretty soon, you find that you feel like you're ten feet tall and bulletproof (which is perfectly fine as long as you don't really try to stop a bullet with your body!) and can do anything you can imagine.
We came into this body with no limits. Any limitations we have are self-inflicted. Either we needed to learn a lesson which was better taught by having to overcome something, or we just put blockades in our own way by not believing in ourselves.
Summing all of this up, I realized today that because I have come such a long way and achieved so much since I removed my limitations and thoughts of unworthiness, I have earned the right to to turn the negativity valve off completely and stop the flow of it into my life.
Doing this puts me right where I want to be, asking "what can I do to make the world a better place?" I can start with something small and work up to the bigger stuff, but the point is to start. Everyone who has made a difference in the world started with something, and I guarantee it wasn't something huge and earth shaking! They may have reached that level eventually, but everyone had to start out small and work their way up.
So this is me, taking that first step, doing the small things. The big stuff will come, and when it does, I'll have lots of practice and I'll be ready.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for having learned to look at the past with compassion and forgiveness, leaving any ugliness behind so it doesn't taint my present or my future.
2. I am grateful for reminders that I need to give myself a little praise for jobs well done.
3. I am grateful for the safety of all who are in the path of the recent fires, and for the heroes who help to keep them safe.
4. I am grateful for the man who owns the club where I dance. He learned that there was a need and is doing his best to help meet it.
5. I am grateful for my upcoming visit to a major cat rescue organization.
Love and light.
I had a few false starts, and have changed directions a number of times, but in the end, I've maneuvered myself out of the dreaded doldrums and into a life with more sunshine than rain, more laughter than tears and more compassion and forgiveness than I gave myself credit for possessing.
Along the way, I learned that holding onto grudges only drags you down. I learned that continuing to harbor anger over the misdeeds of others, both real and imagined, will only wear at you until your body gets tired of it all and starts to rebel. I've also learned that looking myself in the mirror and saying "I love you so very, very much" is one of the best youth tonics available, and it costs nothing!
I've also learned (as I write this while surrounded by my cats) that no bad feelings can survive a few moments spent cuddling a cat and listening to his purr.
Continuing to clear negative energy from your life leaves more room for the positive, but it also makes you less receptive to negativity, complaining and thoughts of unworthiness. Pretty soon, you find that you feel like you're ten feet tall and bulletproof (which is perfectly fine as long as you don't really try to stop a bullet with your body!) and can do anything you can imagine.
We came into this body with no limits. Any limitations we have are self-inflicted. Either we needed to learn a lesson which was better taught by having to overcome something, or we just put blockades in our own way by not believing in ourselves.
Summing all of this up, I realized today that because I have come such a long way and achieved so much since I removed my limitations and thoughts of unworthiness, I have earned the right to to turn the negativity valve off completely and stop the flow of it into my life.
Doing this puts me right where I want to be, asking "what can I do to make the world a better place?" I can start with something small and work up to the bigger stuff, but the point is to start. Everyone who has made a difference in the world started with something, and I guarantee it wasn't something huge and earth shaking! They may have reached that level eventually, but everyone had to start out small and work their way up.
So this is me, taking that first step, doing the small things. The big stuff will come, and when it does, I'll have lots of practice and I'll be ready.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for having learned to look at the past with compassion and forgiveness, leaving any ugliness behind so it doesn't taint my present or my future.
2. I am grateful for reminders that I need to give myself a little praise for jobs well done.
3. I am grateful for the safety of all who are in the path of the recent fires, and for the heroes who help to keep them safe.
4. I am grateful for the man who owns the club where I dance. He learned that there was a need and is doing his best to help meet it.
5. I am grateful for my upcoming visit to a major cat rescue organization.
Love and light.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
May 1, 2013 Continuing where I left off.
I thought it would be fitting to start this new month of blog challenge with the second chapter of the book which eagerly awaits my nimble fingers to see it to completion. Thank you to everyone who offered feedback on Chapter 1.
Chapter 2: Why?
The obvious questions all begin
with “why”. Why did they do this? Why didn’t I notice something was wrong? Why wasn’t I there for them more? But the harsh reality is that it’s not about
you. None of it. So the first thing we learn as we embark on
the road to healing is that you have to get over yourself. Get past the sense of ownership, the
misplaced sense of responsibility. We
especially have to abandon the idea that there was ever anything we could have
said or done differently which would have changed the path our loved one
ultimately chose.
This is not always an easy thing to
do. I, for one, was raised by the Queen
of Jewish Guilt. I know she was the
Queen because my father professed her sovereignty quite frequently, especially
on those occasions when I would relate someone’s failed attempt to guilt me
into something.
So as I was saying, my mother was
the Queen of Jewish Guilt, and I, being her first born, was the first person,
truly her own, she was able to practice on.
As a result, I spent my formative years with a self esteem the size and
strength of a shriveled pea, and the belief that no matter what happened, it
had to be my fault. But also as a
result, I grew into adulthood, weathered my share of tough times, made my share
of less-than-stellar choices, and built my own strength and character, because
I learned too well what it was to be a follower and a doormat, and knew that,
no matter what it took, it wasn’t what I wanted to be. Admittedly, it’s also made me insensitive to
people who do choose to be doormats, and recognizing that in myself, I’m trying
to learn to accept the choices other people make, even the ones I might, from my own experiences, deem rather
stupid. I’m beginning to realize, as I
smooth out the rough edges, that choices are neither smart nor stupid, but
simply the choices we make.
In what seems like a completely backwards way,
I appreciate what my mother did for me.
It brings to mind the Johnny Cash song, "A Boy Named Sue", about the father who knew he wouldn’t be
around to teach his son to stand up for himself, so he named him “Sue”, knowing
full well that he’d have to get tough to keep people from walking all over
him. My mother showed me weak so that I
could learn to be strong. For all of her
hard exterior, Mom was a marshmallow inside, and, as I got older, I learned
that all I had to do was stand up to her for her to back down, and by then, I
had, unfortunately, become so hard that her tears (the tactic she used to get
her way when aggression failed) annoyed me rather than moving me, and as a
result, I failed to see how broken she really was.
But she also gave me a sense of
responsibility which, at innumerable times in my life has been seriously
misplaced. It’s kind of an “uber”
responsibility which causes me to believe that I am responsible for everything
that happens around me. It was years
before I realized that I really wasn’t responsible for her suicide, nor for
carrying around a load of guilt that Atlas, himself would have been unable to
bear! And heaven help me, I have passed that sense
on to at least one of my daughters!
In my father’s case, only a small
amount of digging turned up the likely answer to why. But more difficult to accept was that he knew
what we’d all gone through after my mother’s death. Why would he subject us to it again? How could he be so selfish, so uncaring? And even worse, why would he choose a day
which was already painful to almost everyone in the country?
The truth is, as we can’t exactly
talk to the person now unless we find someone who has a strong connection to
the spirit world, we can’t really get the answers to what motivated them to
take the action they did. With dad,
family history did give me some insight to at least speculate on his motivation. That insight is what eventually made me
realize that he wasn’t being selfish in his own mind, but was giving my sister
and me one final gift. Although his
mother had died of lung cancer when I was about ten or eleven, we visited her
regularly until almost the end when she told my dad not to come any more as she
didn’t want him to remember her in her severely weakened state. For the same reason, my sister and I were not
allowed into her room during those last months.
I believe that those memories scarred my dad and scared him, quite
literally, to death. He truly believed
that his actions were selfless and caring.
As for the date, I believe, now, that it was just a horrible
coincidence, nothing more. But I’ve had nine years to do a thorough self-psychoanalysis and have finally realized that
it never was about me, except to protect me from having to watch my father die
a very painful death.
My mom was an entirely different
story, and despite the fact that she’s been gone nearly twenty years, I’m
no closer to understanding than I was the day she died. My sister and I used to joke privately that
Mom had many faces. She showed her
“social face” to anyone she considered outside her immediate family circle, but
even the face she showed us hid more than it revealed. We’d catch occasional glimpses of what made
her the person she was, but I don’t think anyone ever had a complete picture.
Mom was born in the Bronx, New York to my
grandmother Mildred and my grandfather Sol.
While Sol was off fighting in the Korean War, Mildred wrote him a “Dear
John” letter and moved with my mother to California
to follow Chaim, or Hymen as he was renamed upon arriving at Ellis
Island, an extremely
handsome Jewish actor. They ultimately
married and had my aunt Tammy. Mom
always insisted that Tammy replaced her, but until very recently, I assumed
that it was merely her perception. Tammy
confirmed that, from my grandmother’s point of view, it was the truth. As a young teenager with a new step-father
and a baby sister who occupied all of her mother’s time, I can understand how
she might have learned to just keep everything to herself, perhaps even in the
extreme. Even more so given that, from
the stories I overheard, she spent a lot of time living with one of my
grandmother’s sisters. I can’t even
imagine living as a guest in someone else’s house for most of my teenage
years. The sheer volume of teenage angst
most young girls build up would drive a normal male right over the edge in a
matter of weeks if there was no outlet for it.
And adding maternal abandonment, both physical and emotional, to the mix
just doesn’t make for a tasty soup!
I remember her telling us that
Grandma had once chased her with a pair of scissors (and as she was a tailor,
they had to be big suckers!) and about how she thought she was dying when she
got her first period because Grandma didn’t see fit to warn her of an affliction
visited upon the female of the species. I know that in some cases, she overcompensated
with my sister and I as a result. I
remember her discussing the facts of life for girls at a very young age, and
proudly presenting me with my own little set of Kotex pads and the elastic belt
we used to have to wear to keep the things on (in an emergency, two safety pins
could be used until you could get to your little belt!) I couldn’t have been more than nine and had
several years to go before those items became necessary, but when I did
“start”, I was proud of becoming a woman instead of terrified! How could I know how little real joy this
lovely event would bring me over the years after it had been presented as such
a marvelous rite of passage by my mother?
Then she married my dad who came
from a family who was not big on expressing their feelings, and, I believe, the
damage was set in stone. Although Mom
had lots of women friends over the years, I don’t think she really shared her
inner self with any of them. Even the
cousins she was closest to, and who knew where she came from didn’t, from what
I could see, truly know her, or if they did, they didn’t see fit to enlighten
my dad, though they were the first to ask him why he didn’t notice that her
mental scale wasn’t quite in balance! Small
wonder people always amaze me!
Mom seemed to spend a lot of time
trying to prove to herself and those around her that she was as good or better
than the cousins she was raised with, and that her daughters were better and
more accomplished than her cousin’s children.
Although, for a few years, I was close with some of those cousins, after
Mom died, the relationships petered out, because we all got busy with our own
lives, but even more, as I see it now, because all of the old stories were
dragged out and drummed into their heads so they started to believe the
misinterpretations of her behavior.
Instead of seeing that she was desperate for acceptance and to be
something to her cousins, they saw her as always trying to be something better
than they were. They never saw that what
she really wanted was something they had and she never would; a mother who
loved and accepted them and didn’t toss them aside when something better came
along. I almost think, in hindsight,
that Mom would have been better off with her father. I know, to the day he died, that he loved his
daughter and was saddened because my grandmother poisoned Mom’s mind and heart towards
her own father. Sadly, I grew up with
the same sense of duty, and not a lot of love for the man who was my real
grandfather.
Yet, there was always the running
joke about a crazy streak running through the women in my mom’s family. In hindsight, which is always 20/20, I find
myself wondering how funny the joke really is.
My grandmother chased her daughter around the house with a pair of
scissors, mom’s cousin had a nervous breakdown when I was young, forcing my
cousin to assume the mother role over her two younger sisters at the age of ten,
and mom committed suicide. Where is the
humor in that? The joke was
perpetuated by the husbands of the Koslowski women. Did they know something they weren’t telling
us? Could there really be an insanity
gene? If so, is it passed on to all of the children
or just the daughters, and can it be diluted by the father’s genetics? Oy vey!
I could be a carrier!
And if this is true, what of the
men who knowingly married these women and procreated? Wouldn’t that make them a little crazy
too? Or was the crazy, unpredictability
of the women part of their charm, at least when they were younger? Oy
veis meir! I could be a double
carrier! I wonder what my Biology major
daughter would have to say about a double recessive gene and its impact on
sanity? In all my studies of Mendel and his
peas, I don’t recall the mention of genetics impacting mental stability, or
maybe I just tuned out that day because, given my family history, I didn’t
really want to know!
I find it very interesting to
discover how differently people react to what they perceive as a lack of love
and attention. Part of it, I’m sure, has
to do with the era in which they were raised.
For example, women raised in the nineteen thirties and forties were
practically brainwashed into believing that a woman’s path to fulfillment lay
in being a perfect wife and mother. Even
the pursuit of a college education was considered to be for the sole purpose of
finding a mate, and graduation was neither expected or required. Some fit this mold quite well and went on to
become perfectly satisfied. But as with
any career choice, for many, this role had to be about as comfortable as trying
to squeeze into a pair of jeans two sizes too small after a big Italian
meal. Something has to give! It’s disconcerting to think that nothing
stronger than the slender threads which hold our clothes together contains our
sanity.
As I look back on the social lives
of my parents and those of my friends, alcohol was a major component of every
social gathering, evening meal and end of the work day. It makes me wonder if this was their way of
coping with the unhappiness and lack of fulfillment found in their daily
lives. And in seeking this solace in a
bottle, many ended up drinking themselves to death, either slowly so as to go
unrecognized as suicide, or more quickly so there could be no doubt. The only difference here is that the families
of those who did it slowly didn’t have to add the suicide stigma to their
grieving process. I don’t mean to
minimize the slow death by alcohol, here, but despite the issues associated
with an alcohol related death, it is still far more accepted in polite society
than an out and out suicide, especially when cause of death is something else
like a heart attack or diabetes. The
cause may still be alcohol induced suicide, but the death certificate will
reflect something which friends and family are more comfortable with and for
which they can offer sincere condolences without qualification. Yet the immediate family knows the truth
because they had no choice but to watch as someone they loved simply gave up
and drank away their pain, both real and imagined.
But that still leaves the question
unanswered, and in the meantime, has added even more “whys” to the list. Why was this family member so weak as to
choose to end their life rather than find a way to fix what was wrong? Why did their own history make them
weak? Why couldn’t they see how
devastating their choice would be for those they left behind? But the most important why is still: Why do
we who are left behind take it so personally?
Why is it so hard to accept the fact that, just as we are entitled to
make our own choices in life, and for some of us, fought long and hard with our
parents to do so, it truly is each person’s choice to end their own life if they
believe it is necessary. That’s
it. It’s simply a choice, no right, no wrong.
We make choices every day, every
hour, maybe even every minute. Do I want
to get up now or hit the snooze one more time?
Do I want oatmeal for breakfast or a cookie? And as we make those choices, we rethink them
and don’t always follow through on the first choice, or even the hundred and
first choice we make. If I eat the
cookie will I regret it later? Maybe
I’ll go with the oatmeal after all.
Wouldn’t a suicide victim do the same thing? And if they are like my mom and it was
clearly premeditated, how many times did they choose and re-choose before
actually committing the act? And for
those who choose an act which takes a little while to yield the desired results,
is it possible that they are still going back and forth between choices as the
life seeps out of them?
Choice makes us individual. Loss of choice, over the years has been
cataclysmic when taken on a large scale.
There are endless books dedicated to stories of men who took the right
to make choices away from large groups of people only to suffer the
consequences of their actions at some point in time. From the Romans and Hitler’s persecution of
the Jews to our own persecution of blacks, people get tired of being held back,
and eventually they join together and take action, often blindly and violently
as a reflection of their soul-deep anger.
If a person feels that they are
tired of the human form they are in and want to move on, how can we, who are
not living their life, judge their choice as right or wrong? I am not an advocate for suicide, just an
advocate for understanding and healing.
As such, I believe that part of
that healing has to include removing not only the self-recriminations for not
being able to stop the act, but the anger and the blame heaped upon the loved
one who saw no other choice.
To take it a step further, I believe that as Spiritual
Beings, we choose when and where we will return to the mortal plane, who our
next set of parents will be, and even, in part, the lessons we will need to
learn in a given lifetime. And just as
we choose when to come back, we also choose when to leave and return to the sea
of spiritual beings. At the point when
we choose to leave, we have accomplished what we set out to learn in this turn
of the wheel. Although it may seem that
a life was cut short too soon, that we left the stage of life in the middle of
our song, we truly have done what we came here to do, otherwise, we’d have
found a way to stay until the job was done and all of the necessary lessons
were learned. Why some of us leave
slowly and painfully while others go out in a blaze of glory is just another
aspect of the lessons we came here to learn.
And in accepting this, I am learning to find peace with my parents’
deaths, despite the fact that those deaths seemed to me so wrong for so long.
(end of Chapter 2)
I welcome your feedback as this is definitely a work in progress which has been put on the back burner, and simmered far longer than I'd intended.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I am beginning to gather my thoughts so I can complete my book.
2. I am grateful for busy, productive days which leave me energized and satisfied.
3. I am grateful that I am falling back in like with my day job and seeing how it can help me prepare for and realize my dreams.
4. I am grateful for waking in the morning all snuggled up with my cats...me skritching, them purring. It means waking with a smile on my face which is a perfect way to start the day!
5. I am grateful for all of the good habits I've been forming, and look forward to many more.
Love and light.
April 30, 2013 No regrets
I pulled this picture in, originally, because it reminds me of my daughter's cat, Arthur, aka "Little Shit". He loves trying to steal food from her plate (as does his older brother, Scooby, my daughter's cat who lives with me).
But I also pulled it because of the caption.
There was a time when I would look back on my life with regrets..."I wish I'd done this." or "I wish I hadn't done that."
But the truth is, I regret nothing. All of the choices I made, whether they turned out as I planned or not, led me to where I am today, the person I've fallen madly in love with, ME! I didn't make mistakes, I learned lessons. I didn't give up and crawl into a hole, although there were certainly times when that was extremely appealing! (Raising twin girls by yourself while holding down a high pressure job can do that to you!) But overall, everything has turned out as it was supposed to, my daughters grew up relatively unscarred and have gone on to make their own lives. I continue learning lessons and expanding my life, listening to suggestions from friends and even *Gasp!* asking for help when I can't quite figure something out for myself.
I'm learning to forgive, not only those who've caused me pain, but myself for allowing them to. I'm learning to accept other peoples' choices as theirs and theirs alone. I'm also learning that the only one I am responsible for or have any control over is myself, and to respect everyone else's right to be responsible for themselves.
I have set myself goals and achieved some, while I am reworking others so that I can achieve those as well. I set the bar just out of reach so I'll keep moving forward, and when I get close, I set it just a little further out.
I'm also learning to fall back in like with my day job, and actually found myself smiling for no apparent reason on the way to work today.
It's been a long haul, but I finally realize that I truly am someone worth loving and am allowing people past my hard exterior more regularly now. In fact, the hard exterior is no longer quite so hard.
Above all, I've let go of my combative, angry behaviour, and am learning to avoid being sucked in by someone else's.
The result, I'm happy to say, is a calmer, more peaceful me. Which isn't to say that I've lost my passionate nature. It just means that I've redirected it into more productive directions.
So, like the cat says, I have no regrets, and will continue to live my life, believing that everything I'm doing, thinking, choosing and saying is for a reason, and things like regrets and arguments are simply not invited to my party!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I have learned to love myself, inside and out.
2. I am grateful for the lessons I've learned and the lessons still to come.
3. I am grateful for all of the good habits I've formed in the last nine months, and look forward to many more!
4. I am grateful for new connections and new lessons.
5. I am grateful for the opportunity to write a little something every day and, occasionally touch another life with something to which they can relate.
Love and light.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
April 29, 2013 When our children move on
Now that my nightly fight to get a quarter of a Pepsid down the throat of my cat with the tiny kidneys is over (it only took three tries to get her to swallow a pill the size of a large grain of sand!) and she's sitting on a chair in my office giving me the stink eye, once again, it's time to try to get my thoughts in order and put something down here.
A conversation with one of my fellow bloggers got me thinking about the dynamics of our children moving out on their own for the first time (and, for most of us, hopefully, the last as well since most of us prefer to avoid the revolving door syndrome many parents experience when their children find out just how expensive it is to support themselves!)
Up until about a year and a half ago, my daughter and her boyfriend were living with me. In December of 2011, armed with her low paying but full-time job and his GI bill, they decided to rent their own place.
At first, I was really torn up about it as, to be honest, I hadn't lived alone since I had moved in with her father over 30 years ago, and I wasn't sure I remembered how. But once the deed was done, I wondered why I ever had any doubts.
Let me take a step back, though, and bring in the back story which will allow this to start to make some sense.
My daughter's twin sister moved out of the house in the middle of the night shortly after she turned 18. A few frantic months followed when we didn't know where she was, but as time went on, we found that the house was a lot more peaceful without her, and proceeded to strengthen our relationship, and yes, our friendship as well. Though some will argue that you can't be a parent and a friend, I will, respectfully, disagree. My daughter and I enjoy a lot of the same activities, share many inside jokes and just enjoy each others' company. That does not mean we share our whole social lives with each other, even though there was a point when we did. She has her own, age appropriate friends as do I. It's taken me some time to open myself up to those friendships, and admittedly, I have a long way to go, but I am making excellent progress!
Over the years, we developed a system, for lack of a better word, of letting each other know when we'd be late, where we were going, etc. out of respect for each other as roommates, if nothing else. So it was rather refreshing for me to make a decision to go someplace and not have to check in with anyone who might be expecting me home.
The first time I made plans with friends on a Friday night and didn't bother to mention it (seeing no real reason I should) it became clear to me that although she'd decided to move out, she wasn't as ready to cut the ties as she thought. She started texting me, asking where I was and wasn't overly happy when I had to cut her off as the play we had gone to see was about to begin.
These days, she makes plans with her friends a lot more, and I, somehow, manage to find something to do with myself too! We keep in touch, but we're no longer in each others' pockets and if we decide to have a quiet weekend in our own homes, we no longer think anything of it. But it still gives me a chuckle when I think about the separation anxiety being more on my daughter's part than mine.
I have to say that I love having the whole house to myself for the first time, ever! If I put something away, it stays there. If I use the kitchen, I clean up after myself and it stays cleaned up. I don't have clothes and books and computers scattered all over my living room. It is well worth having to take care of the trash myself and clean up after the cats and all of the little chores she used to share with me.
And it's not like she is very far away. After living across town for about a year, she moved back to an apartment right up the street from my house, so she and her husband are there if I need anything like helping give fluids to the aforementioned cat, or to join me at the gym, or for Sunday breakfast or errands. At this point, I have all of the benefits of having her nearby without having to share my house with her! It may not always be clutter free, but it's all MY clutter and I can live with that!
The best part is that we have become better friends as the strain of living together was removed.
My gratitudes are:
1. I am grateful that I am comfortable in my own skin and living by myself is an adventure.
2. I am grateful for opportunities for new experiences.
3. I am grateful for friendships that continue to develop and grow.
4. I am grateful for an abundance of energy as I go into a month or so of crazy, busy days.
5. I am grateful for my writing which keeps me grounded even when my world is spinning crazily on its axis.
Love and light.
A conversation with one of my fellow bloggers got me thinking about the dynamics of our children moving out on their own for the first time (and, for most of us, hopefully, the last as well since most of us prefer to avoid the revolving door syndrome many parents experience when their children find out just how expensive it is to support themselves!)
Up until about a year and a half ago, my daughter and her boyfriend were living with me. In December of 2011, armed with her low paying but full-time job and his GI bill, they decided to rent their own place.
At first, I was really torn up about it as, to be honest, I hadn't lived alone since I had moved in with her father over 30 years ago, and I wasn't sure I remembered how. But once the deed was done, I wondered why I ever had any doubts.
Let me take a step back, though, and bring in the back story which will allow this to start to make some sense.
My daughter's twin sister moved out of the house in the middle of the night shortly after she turned 18. A few frantic months followed when we didn't know where she was, but as time went on, we found that the house was a lot more peaceful without her, and proceeded to strengthen our relationship, and yes, our friendship as well. Though some will argue that you can't be a parent and a friend, I will, respectfully, disagree. My daughter and I enjoy a lot of the same activities, share many inside jokes and just enjoy each others' company. That does not mean we share our whole social lives with each other, even though there was a point when we did. She has her own, age appropriate friends as do I. It's taken me some time to open myself up to those friendships, and admittedly, I have a long way to go, but I am making excellent progress!
Over the years, we developed a system, for lack of a better word, of letting each other know when we'd be late, where we were going, etc. out of respect for each other as roommates, if nothing else. So it was rather refreshing for me to make a decision to go someplace and not have to check in with anyone who might be expecting me home.
The first time I made plans with friends on a Friday night and didn't bother to mention it (seeing no real reason I should) it became clear to me that although she'd decided to move out, she wasn't as ready to cut the ties as she thought. She started texting me, asking where I was and wasn't overly happy when I had to cut her off as the play we had gone to see was about to begin.
These days, she makes plans with her friends a lot more, and I, somehow, manage to find something to do with myself too! We keep in touch, but we're no longer in each others' pockets and if we decide to have a quiet weekend in our own homes, we no longer think anything of it. But it still gives me a chuckle when I think about the separation anxiety being more on my daughter's part than mine.
I have to say that I love having the whole house to myself for the first time, ever! If I put something away, it stays there. If I use the kitchen, I clean up after myself and it stays cleaned up. I don't have clothes and books and computers scattered all over my living room. It is well worth having to take care of the trash myself and clean up after the cats and all of the little chores she used to share with me.
And it's not like she is very far away. After living across town for about a year, she moved back to an apartment right up the street from my house, so she and her husband are there if I need anything like helping give fluids to the aforementioned cat, or to join me at the gym, or for Sunday breakfast or errands. At this point, I have all of the benefits of having her nearby without having to share my house with her! It may not always be clutter free, but it's all MY clutter and I can live with that!
The best part is that we have become better friends as the strain of living together was removed.
My gratitudes are:
1. I am grateful that I am comfortable in my own skin and living by myself is an adventure.
2. I am grateful for opportunities for new experiences.
3. I am grateful for friendships that continue to develop and grow.
4. I am grateful for an abundance of energy as I go into a month or so of crazy, busy days.
5. I am grateful for my writing which keeps me grounded even when my world is spinning crazily on its axis.
Love and light.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
April 28, 2013 In praise of Girlfriends.
I was a late bloomer in a lot of ways, but the one area which has most affected my life was learning to have and be a girlfriend. I thought I was fine just being "one of the guys" as it simplified things. No cattiness, no competing for a guy's attention...you know how it is.
But what I lost would neither be recognized nor missed until years later, when my marriage collapsed and my mother took her life. Suddenly, I didn't know how to cope, but had nobody to talk to or learn from!
At the time, another single mom lived across the street and we bonded after the '94 earthquake. She started teaching me the ins and outs of girlfriendship, but once she got involved with the man who later became her husband, her focus changed and as she was the only girlfriend I'd managed to make, I stood alone once again.
But life has a way of changing things, and today, after years of a world devoid of all the things girlfriends can offer, I can now say that I've made up for the lack in ways I would never have imagined. I have some of the most amazing, wonderful, inspiring, supportive girlfriends on earth! Not the least of these is my own daughter who, thankfully, has not followed in her mother's dysfunctional footsteps.
The beauty of it all was that although I was left alone for a few years, during which I was able to release a lot of things which no longer helped to make my life what it is meant to be. I released myself from toxic relationships, found a new, positive outlook, recognized for once and for all that doors close for a reason and it's up to us to figure out what that reason is while looking for a window, a door, a mousehole, a cat door or a rabbit hole through which to travel to the next place on our personal path.
Being left alone isn't always a bad thing as it gave me time to learn to love myself, seeing as how I spent so much time with me. That isn't to say that one person wasn't always there through it all, and has become one of my best girlfriends. That one person is my daughter. And now that she has started a life of her own with her new husband, our friendship has reached new depths as she gets a better idea of why I did some of the things I did in the manner I chose. She may not agree with them all, but she doesn't need to, any more than I need to agree with the choices she makes. But we support each other and give each other that very precious gift, honesty.
Now that I've emerged from my self-imposed chrysalis, I find myself surrounded by the most incredible people! These are women who have found their success, their abundance, their joy in many different ways and share their wisdom freely. They are all well-versed in the art of being a girlfriend and are showing me the way with actions rather than words. I know that had I not gone through the process I did, I wouldn't have been ready to accept the gifts these women offer.
They give me honesty, moral support, kicks in the butt, suggestions on how to achieve my goals...an endless list of wonderful, positive energy. I know that wherever I'm going, I'll get there with a little help from my friends...no, a lot of help from my friends, much of which I doubt they even realize they're giving me, because it is a natural part of their beings. I have so much to learn, yet, but such wonderful, amazing, inspiring teachers from whom to learn!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my girlfriends.
2. I am grateful for all of the wisdom that is pouring into my life now.
3. I am grateful for the beginning of week 3 of setting a habit to go to the gym regularly.
4. I am grateful for opportunities to give back.
5. I am grateful for a quiet evening at home cuddling my cats after a busy weekend.
Love and light
But what I lost would neither be recognized nor missed until years later, when my marriage collapsed and my mother took her life. Suddenly, I didn't know how to cope, but had nobody to talk to or learn from!
At the time, another single mom lived across the street and we bonded after the '94 earthquake. She started teaching me the ins and outs of girlfriendship, but once she got involved with the man who later became her husband, her focus changed and as she was the only girlfriend I'd managed to make, I stood alone once again.
But life has a way of changing things, and today, after years of a world devoid of all the things girlfriends can offer, I can now say that I've made up for the lack in ways I would never have imagined. I have some of the most amazing, wonderful, inspiring, supportive girlfriends on earth! Not the least of these is my own daughter who, thankfully, has not followed in her mother's dysfunctional footsteps.
The beauty of it all was that although I was left alone for a few years, during which I was able to release a lot of things which no longer helped to make my life what it is meant to be. I released myself from toxic relationships, found a new, positive outlook, recognized for once and for all that doors close for a reason and it's up to us to figure out what that reason is while looking for a window, a door, a mousehole, a cat door or a rabbit hole through which to travel to the next place on our personal path.
Being left alone isn't always a bad thing as it gave me time to learn to love myself, seeing as how I spent so much time with me. That isn't to say that one person wasn't always there through it all, and has become one of my best girlfriends. That one person is my daughter. And now that she has started a life of her own with her new husband, our friendship has reached new depths as she gets a better idea of why I did some of the things I did in the manner I chose. She may not agree with them all, but she doesn't need to, any more than I need to agree with the choices she makes. But we support each other and give each other that very precious gift, honesty.
Now that I've emerged from my self-imposed chrysalis, I find myself surrounded by the most incredible people! These are women who have found their success, their abundance, their joy in many different ways and share their wisdom freely. They are all well-versed in the art of being a girlfriend and are showing me the way with actions rather than words. I know that had I not gone through the process I did, I wouldn't have been ready to accept the gifts these women offer.
They give me honesty, moral support, kicks in the butt, suggestions on how to achieve my goals...an endless list of wonderful, positive energy. I know that wherever I'm going, I'll get there with a little help from my friends...no, a lot of help from my friends, much of which I doubt they even realize they're giving me, because it is a natural part of their beings. I have so much to learn, yet, but such wonderful, amazing, inspiring teachers from whom to learn!
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my girlfriends.
2. I am grateful for all of the wisdom that is pouring into my life now.
3. I am grateful for the beginning of week 3 of setting a habit to go to the gym regularly.
4. I am grateful for opportunities to give back.
5. I am grateful for a quiet evening at home cuddling my cats after a busy weekend.
Love and light
Saturday, April 27, 2013
April 27, 2013 Something different, aka, where it all began
Today, I'm going to do something so completely different from recent blogs, that you may think this came from another writer entirely, but I assure you, it's all me!
On the advice of a friend, I started reading "The Quitter" by John Acuff and as I read through the part about finding your "hinge", I realized that, whichever way I cut it, writing is my passion. When he asked if you'd even do it for free, I have and I would.
This led me to reflect on what really caused me to start this blog which began on Facebook in early 2009, later migrating here when I got frustrated with the format and lack of space. And that something is what I keep referring back to as my "18,000 words of garbage". But the fact is, it isn't all garbage, and it did have a really good purpose, so what I'm going to do today is share the first chapter of what I've tentatively titled "Live After Suicide: Healing and Forgiving".
* * * * * * * * *
Due to the nature of today's post, and it's digression from what has become a "normal" post these days, I'm leaving the gratitudes for later, except to say that I appreciate anyone who read through to this point.
Love and light.
On the advice of a friend, I started reading "The Quitter" by John Acuff and as I read through the part about finding your "hinge", I realized that, whichever way I cut it, writing is my passion. When he asked if you'd even do it for free, I have and I would.
This led me to reflect on what really caused me to start this blog which began on Facebook in early 2009, later migrating here when I got frustrated with the format and lack of space. And that something is what I keep referring back to as my "18,000 words of garbage". But the fact is, it isn't all garbage, and it did have a really good purpose, so what I'm going to do today is share the first chapter of what I've tentatively titled "Live After Suicide: Healing and Forgiving".
Chapter 1: In the beginning…
My mother chose to end her life on
December 28, 1993, less than a month before a cataclysmic earthquake rattled
Northridge and quite a bit of Southern California. Choosing to remain in bed when my father left
for work due to some unspecified malaise, she sought to get rid of the pain
with a bottle of sleeping pills. She
didn’t leave a note or a sign but left behind her 6 year old granddaughters, her
infant grandson, my sister, my father and me. And scores of unanswered questions.
For years, I was angry with my
mother. Angry because, as my father
struggled with depression and the well-meaning questions from friends and
family, she’d left him to find her cold body in the bed they’d shared for
nearly forty years. Angry because she
left the granddaughters who loved her, even when she was making their mother
crazy with her opinions on how they should be raised. And angry because she left during a very
difficult time in my life as I slogged through an ugly divorce.
My father followed her down that
road nearly 10 years later, on September 11, 2003, exactly two years after the
fateful World Trade Center
disaster, and one day before his granddaughters’ 16th birthday. As near as we can tell, he pondered the lung
cancer diagnosis he’d recently received, wrote a note, smoked one last
cigarette and put a gun I wasn’t even aware he owned to his head. He did remember, before he left us, to send
the girls birthday cards and checks, which arrived a couple of days after he
was gone. Through most of the ten years
following my mother’s death, my dad dated a woman who was freakishly like my
mom, in a shorter, more earthy kind of way.
The note he left was directed to her and gave her his apologies. To me he left the job of cleaning up after
him, and clearing out what remained of both his life and my mother’s, while my
sister wondered why I couldn’t get the job done faster. I never saw her cry.
My mother taught me how to read and
how to bake Snickerdoodles, irritated me with her obsessive –compulsive neatness,
loved my daughters to distraction while making me crazy with her “suggestions”
on raising them. And one day, quite
suddenly, she was gone.
It came with a voice mail message
from my father, who sounded like a man in shock, unable to believe where his
life had led. The details, though, came
more slowly. Wading through caramel
slowly, in fact. A question from the coroner had Dad searching
Mom’s office for a how-to book on suicide.
He found it hidden behind some other books on her bookshelf. Clearly, she’d had time to think before she
acted.
From my dad’s family I learned how
to cope. And by coping, I mean keeping
things in, not letting those around you see that you weren’t really keeping it
together as much as it appeared. That
the strong, solid exterior you showed the world was merely a front for how
broken, how shattered you were inside, the part which must never be
shared. From them I also learned to
depend only on myself. It wasn’t
appropriate to expect anyone to take care of you or even for you to need
anyone.
That ingrained aversion to being
dependent is, I believe, what drove my Dad to take his life. He could not conceive of having me, my sister
and our children watch his deterioration the way he had watched his mother’s,
nor could he conceive of us having to care for him until nature took it’s
course. He was a very proud man, and,
from his perspective, did the only honorable and loving thing he could for us.
Families of suicide victims face
challenges in the grieving process which are quite different from those who lose
someone to cancer or a car accident or even murder. We feel shame, and with that shame, comes
guilt. It took me a long time to get
past the shame, and to really understand why it’s even there. I came to the conclusion that because Society
has been as judgmental and uninformed about suicide as they are about
homosexuality, it has become a subject that is only discussed in whispers,
looking around to make sure nobody overhears.
One of the most common of those misconceptions is that family members
should have seen it coming and gotten help before the unmentionable act
occurred.
This may be more apparent in the
case of a youthful suicide as there are many studies and reports about teenage
suicide, behaviour changes and obvious drug abuse. But in truth, the percent of adults who
attempt suicide and succeed far exceeds that of teenagers. In part, this is because, as adults, we learn
to protect ourselves by revealing only a small portion of who we really are. When things are painful or difficult, adults
often withdraw, but in the meantime, they continue to be responsible adults,
going to work, raising kids, even volunteering.
They don’t share their struggles over finances or parents who are aging
and need extra care, or marriages that are slowly imploding. They can go through their life, their normal
routine, being functionally depressed until one day it just overwhelms
them. Because they’re upholding their
responsibilities, we tend to overlook or work around their moodiness, their
overreactions to simple things, and assume they’re just having a bad day. In cases where the crankiness goes on for a
long period of time, people just write it off to the person’s nature and
interact with them as little as possible, which, in reality, probably fuels the
depression.
This societal insensitivity is no
less damaging to the victim’s family as well meaning people ask why they didn’t
notice or find help for the victim. I
remember watching people badger my Dad right after Mom died and wanting to look
at them in disbelief, saying “He’s not a psychiatrist! Living with Mom over the years, I’m sure he
learned to overlook certain behaviour to avoid arguments, if nothing
else!” And in my Mom’s case, I had heard
from some of those same relatives that the mere mention that she had a problem
and should see a doctor would cause her to go ballistic. I know for a fact that my dad never really
learned to cope with her anger, except to withdraw into himself until it
passed. It’s like saying, “I know the
stove is hot and I’ve felt the pain of a burn before, but I’m going to put my
hand on that hot burner anyway.” How
many of us are stupid enough to intentionally repeat an action we know is
painful, or at least highly uncomfortable?
Isn’t that the true definition of
insanity? Knowing what the result of an
action will be, but doing it over and over, hoping for a different outcome.
And suppose we do notice and try to
intervene? Would our efforts be met as
well intentioned, or simply as meddling, and quite possibly, make matters
worse? Mental health issues aren’t
exactly table talk either. It’s only in
recent years that seeing a psychiatrist or a counselor hasn’t caused
speculation about nervous breakdowns or schizophrenia and thoughts of that
crazy cousin nobody every sees, or dear Aunt Agnes who’s “delicate” and who the
children have learned to tiptoe around on the rare occasions she comes to
visit.
* * * * * * * * *
Due to the nature of today's post, and it's digression from what has become a "normal" post these days, I'm leaving the gratitudes for later, except to say that I appreciate anyone who read through to this point.
Love and light.
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