Welcome to my Journey

Hello, and welcome to my Journey. Over the last few years I have been learning more about my personal journey, my Path and my Soul Purpose. The further I travel, the easier I find it to share my journey with others, and to learn from their journeys as well. The most recent evolution has caused me to expand my Universe and allow more people access to my travels, as well as allowing me access to more people, their travels and what they have learned as they walk their own paths. Feel free to share your journey here as we all have much to learn in our lives as Divine Beings having a Human experience.

Love and Light.

Friday, July 29, 2011

July 29, 2011 People who inspire me every day

I posted a couple of things on my status on Facebook the last couple of days in which I reiterated my desire to keep positive posts on my wall, including those posted by others.  But what really hit me today was that although I subscribe to a number of pages which post something positive and inspirational every day, I'm even more inspired by the people on my friends list than by those written or shared by people I don't know.

There is one woman, in particular, who can awe me with her amazing outlook.  Everything she posts is amazing and positive and so much more powerful because of how heartfelt they are.  I found myself thinking today that, from the viewpoint of an outsider like me (I don't know her very well), it looks like she has had the perfect life since birth.  She is married to a man who clearly loves her deeply, has wonderful, smart, talented children and a life full of friends and family.  Her home is beautiful, and often filled with family and friends enjoying each others company as well as her hospitality.  But what I realize is that her life has, I'm sure, had its share of challenges.  What differs is how she looks at and reacts to those challenges.  In short, if her life is, indeed, perfect, it is because she made it so by her attitude.  Even when her husband was ill, what I saw was that he was still feeling crummy, but was on the mend.  Clearly, her glass is always half (or maybe even three quarters) full. 

All of the people who are selling their books and videos and seminars about finding joy, attracting your soulmate or your perfect life could really take a page or three out of her book.  She teaches all of these things by example, with no expectation of compensation.  She is Joy and everyone fortunate enough to touch her life in any way, however small, will come away better for the experience.

Although I mention one person in particular here, there are many who inspire me and bring a smile to my face with their posts.  Many make me think about how I'm living my life and give me ideas for improving myself.  Many who touch my life and make me not only richer for the experience, but also better.  I am so blessed to have such inspirational people in my life to remind me of what's truly important.

And this is what I want for myself.  That everyone whose life touches mine will come away a little richer for the experience. 

Love and light.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

July 26, 2011 I've been waiting and waiting and waiting...

And I'm still waiting, but it gives me more time to pack stuff up so it can be moved out of the way quickly when the deluge of activity begins.  Did you know that the local office supplies no longer carry packing boxes in bulk?  We have really become an online shopping society where many of the things we want and need have to be ordered instead of just picked up locally.  It's not that it takes long for things to arrive, often only a day or two, but more and more often, ordering is your only option now.  I do like the idea of getting presents all the time, even if I'm sending them to myself, but what if I really needed something Now!?  Would I have to settle for something less appropriate?  Are the merchants forcing us to become a "plan ahead or make do" society?  Are we feeding their need for more profits and smaller staffs?  Where will it end?  And have we been the real cause?  Have we caused the demise of our own convenience?  This is the stuff of scary science fiction shows where children are taken from their parents by alien forces and made into slaves.  (oh wait, that's already been done!) 

On the other hand, if we just order online and wait for delivery, doesn't that mean more time for our kids and pets?  Will they be the unwitting beneficiaries of our loss of convenience?  I know that Dylan wasn't complaining as he lay on the sofa between me and Mathom tonight while we took turns stroking his soft, silky self and skritching his belly and chin.  Had I been out shopping for boxes and such, he would have been neglected.  Now that everyone is settled all snug and warm in their beds, I can do my shopping and know that I will have my items in a matter of days, and without neglecting my furry children to do it. 

So our modern shopping conveniences and inconveniences are definitely a double edged sword.  They help and they hinder, but when our need is to touch and smell and otherwise examine our potential purposes with senses other than our eyes, our options are becoming more and more limited!

What price progress?

Love and light.

Monday, July 25, 2011

July 25, 2011 Wait for it....wait for it...

Seems like that's what I've been doing lately, is waiting for things I know are coming, but seem to be getting  delayed for one reason or another.  I suspect that, like the proposal that hit my desk this morning, they're all going to start coming at once.  I need to start weeding through more stuff so I can clear out my bedroom, the living room and kitchen, among other places, when the contractors are ready to knock walls out and start working on the interior of the house.  Meanwhile, on the work front, meetings the next couple of days to address new issues and old, proposals and work flow.   And let's not forget we're coming to the end of another month and all that entails!  I really do need to book a couple of days off in August, but when???  I have some ideas, but isn't it always the case that they coincide with other important events?  I'm almost tempted to just throw a dart at the calendar and go for whatever dates it hits!  I need to get out to the Fair to see Heather's entries too!  She's entered some of her chain mail jewelry, a photograph of Yosemite and her fudge will go in next week! 

But we did get four kittens adopted on Sunday and we have some really adorable babies right now!  How anyone can resist their pooty faces I'll never know! 

I think my little darlings are sensing that their world is about to be turned, temporarily, upside down as they've been very clingy and snuggly lately.  I woke up early this morning with Munchkin plastered against my back, and no matter how many times I moved or got up, she was NOT moving from where she'd chosen to sleep.  Dylan has been plastering himself to my side when I'm sitting on the sofa, and Patches keeps coming out looking for attention and reassurance. 

With everything going on, my writing has really suffered.  Even this blog is hit or miss and I don't like being so cavalier with my own responsibilities to myself.  This is one of those times when having 8 arms would be very helpful!  I could work on my writing, snuggle all of the kitties and get this house in order for disorder!  But as I am a mere mortal possessing the factory standard two arms, I'll just muddle along until everything is done.  (seems like old times, eh?) 

Heather informed me that Hailey and Cinders are now leaving evidence of their hunting prowess.  Small parts of recently deceased rodents showed up in front of the workbench today.  I guess they ran out of room wherever they were stashing the parts!  I'm sure it won't be long before their trophy cabinet includes a few bird feathers as well.  They are definitely working cats!  My garage is blissfully silent of teeny footsteps these days, and even the clunking and clanking of the girls getting past obstacles to reach their prey has ceased.  The area is clear!  Now we can start putting things away and fixing what the rats chewed through.  It even appears that they made what has clearly become a fatal attempt to share the girls' food! 

And on the granddaughter front, Jenni and Sera joined us for dinner on Friday night after which the three of us walked around the mall, swinging Sera between us. Heather and Mathom had gone in search of apples.  Jenni is now inclined to let her daughter get to know her grandma, which works just fine for me, but I have to start remembering to take the camera wherever I go!  She's growing up so fast, and is a perfect model for the baby clothes Jenni is designing and making.  I can't believe she's almost two!  We'll be getting together next month to celebrate her birthday so I need to find her some fun birthday presents. 

All in all, life is good, and even, a great deal of the time, excellent!  I'm finding that I can have anything I want.

Love and light.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

July 23, 2011 Breakin' in the weekend

So here it is, Saturday again!  After a wonderful, and somewhat unexpected evening having dinner at Souplantation with my daughters (yes, both of them), Mathom and granddaughter, I wandered the mall with Jenni and Serenity who finally stopped being crabby when we stopped making her sit still and let her walk and swing between us.  Sometimes, sitting still while grownups talk is just not what a two-year-old (almost) wants to do!  She really is the cutest little doll baby, and, of course, I forgot to get pictures AGAIN!  and the dress she was wearing was a Jenni creation with a black bodice and a flame print skirt.  It was too adorable, and got more than one compliment from passers by.  On our walk, Serenity saw a black lab puppy and ran right up to it and started giving hugs and pats, much to the puppy's delight, and the owners' surprise.  She repeated this with a fluffy, poodle-like dog later on, to another owner's surprise.  She just loves puppies and seems to understand when she can and cannot approach them and play just like a puppy would.  Jenni takes the puppy kisses and kissing in stride, knowing that it's just all part of growing up.  Although she's trying to feed Sera a healthy diet, and use a lot of green products, she knows, like I did, that kids need the chance to get dirty and contrary to popular belief, it helps their immune system.  I believe Jenni is starting to get past her belief that I'm evil, as she was completely non-combative last night, even when I started dancing TGIF in the middle of the mall (well, the song was on!  Could I really let it go by undanced???).  So people stared.  They also smiled!  Even a one person flash mob can create more smiles!  Who knew?  We talked about a number of things including Sera's upcoming birthday and will actually spend this one, a little belatedly, but with her for the very first time!  I'm very happy to see signs of healing in our relationship.  We have a long way to go, but every journey starts with the first step, and Jenni is now taking the initiative to walk through the door I've left open.  Interestingly, she also said some things about Isaac last night which were almost verbatim what I told her two years ago, but she didn't want to hear.  And to my credit, I just smile and nod and don't comment.  There's really no need as I don't feel smug about it.  I'm just happy that she finally saw him for what he is. The fact is, there's no more need for me to speak ill of Sera's father than it is of Jenni's.  They are who they choose to be, and both Jenni and I have made choices to protect our children as best we could. 

After dinner, we went to Border's.  Although the sale wasn't that great, the store was mobbed, hot and the line nearly an hour long to pay.  They also had really nasty music playing nearly as loud as it does in a bar.  We were glad to finally get out of there, but when I got home, I found it impossible to unwind.  The kids, on the other hand, had no problem at all, but Heather had to be at work at 6 AM, so that's a good thing.  I tried playing a game on the computer, watching tv and finally, reading in bed which, coupled with a bunch of very snuggly furry children, did the trick after about an hour.  Unfortunately, coupled with another overcast morning, it meant that I slept until nearly 10!  Oh, well, it just means that the things I planned to do today get started a little later. 

And so, my weekend begins!

Love and light

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

July 20, 2011 I love attracting all of the good things!

Life is good!  Driving home tonight, I found myself wondering if I'd paid one of my credit card bills which is due on the 20th.  I was thinking today was the 21st, so if not, it would be late. As I was driving and traffic was basically moving, I couldn't exactly pull out my checkbook and look, so it had to wait until I got home.  As soon as I pulled into the driveway, got me and my stuff out of the car and went inside, I hurried to my computer to pull up the excel spreadsheet where I keep track of my bills.  Sure enough, I hadn't paid it yet, so I began to curse myself for incurring a late payment fee.  Having a conversation with my daughter, I realized that it was only the 20th, but figured that since it was already after 3PM, I was still too late.  Imagine my delight when I made my payment online, and the website told me that my payment had been received on July 20th!  Voila!  No late fee!  I am so jazzed that I remembered the day of instead of the day after and took care of it!  And even better, this particular company doesn't have the ridiculous 3:00 PM cutoff.  As long as I do it before 12 MST, I'm gold!  Ooo, and I do love gold!  (as I typed "ooo" it reminded me that I typed it on my iPhone earlier, and the stupid thing corrected it to "pop".  If I wanted to say "POP" I'd have typed it in the first place!)  OK, before I go into a mini rant about the iPhone and it's spell check, I'm going to change the subject.

I'm sitting in the chiropractor's office tonight, waiting my turn when a lady comes in, all a-flutter, complaining about how bad traffic was tonight and how she's so stressed out and someone almost rear ended her, etc. etc.  She asks me if I had to take the freeway and was it bad (turns out we came from the same direction).  I told her it was no worse than normal, and was only congested for a couple of miles before it opened up.  She says "but doesn't it bother you when it's that bad?"  I tell her that I stopped letting traffic bother me awhile ago and that I focus instead on how fortunate I am to have such a pretty drive instead of the concrete and buildings in L.A.  After that, she stopped complaining and thanked me for helping her see things differently.  I love passing positivity on!  Just like a smile, it's equally good for the giver and receiver, and just makes the world a happier place.  Now, if I can just find a way to pass that joyful feeling to the muscles in my back and get them to chill out and relax!  Enjoy the ride and stop being so tense!  I guess this falls under the heading "baby steps". :) 

Meditations have been amazing lately.  I'm sure that the Ambient Radio station I have programmed into Pandora helps, but I'm just finding it easier to reach that "floaty" place where I stop feeling my body and just become Spirit.  I've also been experimenting with meditating before I eat lunch instead of after.  I think it works better, but some days, I just wait too long to eat and am starving so I have to eat, then meditate.  Not only does it put me in a calmer, gentler place, it lets my mind open up further to new possibilities.  I'm much less reactive even when someone comes in and starts talking to me in a way that would have caused me to react and ultimately cause a confrontation.  Now, I'm more likely to listen calmly, respond the same, and not allow other people to make me feel like I'm being attacked.  Just as it takes two people to make an argument, it takes an attacker and an attackee for a situation to degenerate into an attack.  If one party fails to fulfill their part of the equation, it just ends up being benign.  I don't know, in the case I'm remembering, if the other person went away feeling cheated, but we didn't end up getting angry with each other over something stupid, and that suits me fine! 

All in all, I'm really enjoying the me I'm becoming who no longer feels the need to just jump in with both feet, both barrels firing.  I am relaxed, happy and peaceful and know that I continue to attract my Joy and positive energy now. 

Love and light.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

July 19, 2011 Keepin' on keepin' on

True to my vow to be more consistent with my writing, I'm starting a post for today despite the fact that I don't think I really have much to say.

I seem to have hit roadblocks in several aspects of my life and know I just need to keep digging away at the rocks that have gotten in the way until my path is, once again, clear.  Although Heather and Mathom are ready to finish tearing down the brick wall, and, in fact, are putting things in motion, I have yet to see the plans for my house and the contractor is suddenly not answering my calls.  Although I know there's a reasonable explanation, it does leave me without a clue as to when things will start, much less when they will end.  However, it does give me a little more time to pay down the line so I'll have more to work with, and I've really been spending a lot less money over the last couple of months in preparation for the increased expenses and, ultimately, the increased house payment.  Granted, despite the added expenses I've already taken on with the new car, I'm not concerned about meeting my financial obligations.  I'm more concerned about moving the cats around as things progress.  I did, realize, however, that I shouldn't have to squish everyone into the two small bedrooms because, if we plan this right, the living room and kitchen will be completed first so we can move in there, perhaps with cages for the cats for a short time while the bedrooms are being completed.  Of course, we will have to find a way to get to one of the bathrooms with a shower!  I'd hate to have to get up really early every day so I could go to the gym and shower, or else go late at night.  But it would get me there, and once there, I might as well work out, so, again, it wouldn't be a bad thing!

Hitting the roadblocks is giving me a lot of time to think about how to work through things once the way is clear, and I think that as I do, I am coming up with some really workable solutions.  Just as it's important to have some down time like I did last weekend, it's also important to take the time to step back away from the craziness and think things through with a clear head.  It's amazing how possibilities open up when you take time to get out of the "weeds" and up on top of a mountain where the view is unobstructed.

And so, from my vantage point part of the way up my mountain,

Love and light.

Monday, July 18, 2011

July 18, 2011 Bringing the lazy days to a close

I've been really lazy about my writing, in all areas, for the past week or so.  My last blog was 7 days ago, my last ACIM lesson was a month and a half ago, and the last time I wrote anything in my book was over a week ago!  I've taken laziness to new heights, but accept that sometimes I just need to veg and regroup, so that's what I've done for the last couple of weeks.  I trust it has not been for naught, and that I will emerge full of brilliant ideas, flowing prose and amazing productiveness.  It didn't hurt that most of Saturday was spent in self pampering.  Nails, Massage and Pedicure were the order of the day, leaving me too limp and relaxed to even go dancing Saturday night.  And that, too, is ok.  My knee is much better, but a few days off might just do it some good. 

Meanwhile, back at the zoo, Heather turned her back on the open cage where she and Mathom were keeping the mice for his snake for a few seconds, but plenty of time for Mr. Dylan to reach his paw into the cage and snag himself a mousie.  Not only did he snag it, but he proceeded to torture the poor thing, only to have Toby try to join the fun.  For the first time that I am aware of, Mr. Dylan...Hissed!  The cat who earned the nickname "Mellow Yellow" from the time he became part of the family actually acted aggressively for the very first time!  He was not inclined to share his toy with anyone, not even his favorite brother and grooming companion!  Not wanting to have me find mouse guts in the house, and since the mouse had grown too big for his snake to handle (read, swallow whole), Mathom somewhat kindly removed the mouse to our "barn cats'" clutches where it met a quick and more merciful end than it was experiencing at Dylan's paws.  I have to say that I'm not overly thrilled with the idea of having live food brought into the house for the snake or any other animal residing under my roof,  but I'm happier of their end is somewhat quick and merciful and occurs out of my sight.  Dylan clearly thinks he needs to play with his food for awhile, as is evidenced by the amount that ends up on my kitchen floor as he digs his way to the bottom of the food bowl to make sure he's getting the pieces he likes best! 

At any rate, even if I babble as I have tonight, I vow to be more diligent about keeping this blog going on a regular basis from now on, at least until the next bout of down time enforces itself upon my unsuspecting self.

Love and light.

Monday, July 11, 2011

July 11, 2011 Ahhhh, Peace!

As has been my routine for some time now, I did a meditation during my lunch hour, using the Ambient Radio station I've found on Pandora as background.  At first, my mind did a repeat performance of last night's nearly vain attempts to find sleep, and bounced all over the Universe, attracting thoughts which surely weren't even mine!  Yet, I accepted the thoughts so I could let them go back from whence they came, focused on the music and, ultimately, found that peaceful, drifting place I often find when I meditate, and always find when I go for my monthly massage!  However, when I returned to full consciousness (assuming being aware of people and things around me truly is a state of full consciousness) I found myself wishing I could  just stay in that peaceful state for the rest of the day.  So I left the Ambient Music on instead of switching back to either one of my country station settings or the smooth jazz one.  The office sounds continued to drift around me, and in some cases, felt pretty discordant, but maybe a little less than normal as I moved along in a more peaceful and accepting space.

I maintained that pleasant, nothing can annoy me state through the end of the day, and even on the drive home when one of Thousand Oaks' finest alternately rode my bumper and left about 10 cars worth of room before finally exiting the freeway, much to my relief.  Not that I could have done anything wrong as traffic was slow while he was behind me, and as soon as things opened up, he scooted into the next lane and took off, but there's something about having a black and white on my tail that just inhibits the joy of an afternoon drive towards the mountains!

Home again to my latest "roommate" who is really pretty quiet and gives me plenty of space.  Between us, we got the trash done so Miss Heather can just relax when she gets off of work. 

Funny thing, though.  As I sat on the sofa watching a little TV, Toby decided to stand on my leg, and when he left, I had two perfect paw prints impressed into my skin, and an hour later, they're still there!  That's my big, furry boy! 

But just another quiet night of writing, reading, laundry and minor chores before bed.  I also need to put an outfit together for tomorrow's day long meeting and staff dinner, not to mention charging my laptop which I have thought about, then forgotten at least 10 times since I got home!  I'd best pull it out now before I forget it completely!

Love and light.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

July 10, 2011 Another weekend sped by before I knew it!

It hardly seems like I've had two days off, but here we go, and in less than 2 hours, it will be Monday again, and the week ahead will be a busy one with meetings and more remodeling stuff and heaven only knows what other excitement is in store!

Adoptions today were disappointing, but there were a lot of lookie loos, so maybe we'll hear from them over the next week.  We did have about 5 adoptions on Saturday including one of the gorgeous Maine Coon boys!  His brother is a bit sad without him, but I know he'll find a home soon too, because he is a very sweet, loveable cat who just needs to find his person.

Saturday, I got another 2000 words written for my book, which I consider to be a good day's work.  I just need to do this every week, so I'll have something to edit before the end of the year! 

Dancing Saturday night was fantastic and I finally learned an older line dance I've been wanting to learn, although I need to spend some time cleaning it up.  I can't wait until I have that big open space between my kitchen and living room to practice in!  The cats will be crazy trying to get underfoot, but we'll find a way to make it work for all of us.  Putting the trees near the windows will help!  I have found, though, since my little run in with Levaquin, that by the time I think I've had enough, in a matter of a couple of hours, I find that I've actually overdone it, but it is taking more to reach that point now, and I'm not skipping as many line dances.  Saturday night, I danced most of the line dances, 3 couples dances and a mixer in the 3 hours or so I was there.  I did opt out of Chill Factor, one of my favorites, which was played just before I left as I suspected I'd already done too much, which was confirmed when I had to take two Aleve in order to get to sleep because my leg was hurting so much!  But still, it IS getting better because Aleve did nothing at all for the pain when it first started.  I'm very grateful for every sign of improvement I get, and I am planning on accepting an invitation or two to two step starting next week, even if it means I sit out more line dances.  It's time to get back on that horse! 

All in all, I'm feeling very good about my book, my dancing, my healing and the week ahead!

Love and light.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

June 9, 2011 Being vewwy, vewwy qwiet!

I realize I haven't posted anything in a couple of days, but it's just been so very quiet and peaceful, I didn't have much to say.  So peaceful in fact, that I faded out and was in bed before 10 last night, which almost NEVER happens!  I promised myself I would sleep in and cuddle kitties this morning.  The second part happened, but I was awake well before 8 and was able to let Loki and Toby sprawl across me for as long as they wanted (which for Loki wasn't that long because the poor baby was starving!) 

So here I sit, with a quiet house (Heather's at work and Mathom must have gone to check traps to see if Neko has shown up yet), chai and water at hand, and ready to actually do some writing today!  My first week without Priti was actually fairly peaceful.  I got a lot of work done!  In fact, in addition to the daily and weekly tasks she does, I got the budget updated and both bank recs done!  I have a feeling I'll be very glad I did because I'll be in meetings all day Tuesday and half of Wednesday, and I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop with the proposal I know is imminent.  It's good to get the plate cleared before the storm begins brewing. 

Dylan has taken his usual place on the desk where he likes to lay while I'm working in my office.  In fact, in his mind, I should never leave and go work in any other office but this one!  (although, once the remodel starts, it will be better for me to be somewhere else, and, at some point, I'll be without internet access for at least a day or two which would make it impossible for me to work from home for very long, and, even with my laptop, I could only do so much before I needed power or internet.

On the health front, the knee is feeling much better today, but I'm noticing weakness in my hip again, so the chair yoga I picked up off of Facebook last week should come in handy, but what I really need to do is get my lazy butt back to the gym and do some weight work that will strengthen everything back up!  (and this is why one of the things I've added to my meditation lately is motivation!) 

But my book awaits and I have much to do today, so I'll end this as usual.

Love and light.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

July 6, 2011 The mind is a terrible thing to waste!

As I sit here waiting for kitty pictures to upload to Petfinders so I can add some more of our kitties, waiting for my laundry to finish so I can put it away and finishing digesting the wonderful chicken enchiladas Mathom made for us tonight, my mind just wanders aimlessly, but I thought I'd try to write something anyway.

I still don't feel ready to try two-stepping while my right knee feels weak, so I'm getting other things accomplished in the meantime.  It gets better every day, but when I've overdone it, I am reminded quite clearly that by the time I feel that I've danced enough, I've probably crossed the line as far as my knee is concerned.  The tendon is still a bit sore to the touch, but nothing like it was even a week ago!  I did a chair yoga stretch at work today which seems to have made it feel looser, so I plan on continuing it from now on.  Every little stretch helps, you know!   (I just checked my upload and after three minutes, it hasn't even gotten one picture done, and I am uploading three!  I could be here all night at this rate!  I have 6 kittens and one teenager to set up tonight!)

I'm finding that the kids are trying harder to keep the house clean lately, and it's a real pleasure to walk in and find the kitchen in order, no more piles of stuff in the living room and sometimes, even dinner made!  Granted, it's summer so they are each only taking one class and Mathom is still working on getting a job, but at least they're helping without being asked, for the most part.  Of course, it's going to get interesting when we start the remodel, but for now, we are coexisting well.  I just need to remember that there's a boy in the house and I have to shut my bedroom and bathroom doors when I change clothes and stuff!  It's been so long since I had to worry about it, and Heather and I have no modesty at all with each other!  Then there's Munchkin who is positively affronted if you close a door with her on the other side.  How a 7 pound cat can body slam a door is a mystery to me!

With all of my motivational groups on Facebook, I'm taking to heart some of their inspirational messages.  I seem to have gotten off track a bit on my book and am focusing my thoughts and meditations on regaining my motivation and my track.  I know that I can't manage to write every day, but I need to take at least one day on the weekend and put a concerted effort into knocking out a few pages.  I did find out that 100 words a page was vastly understated.  Just for grins, I counted the words on a page of a book I read while waiting for my car at the car wash.  The total?  350 words!  My measly 16,000 words (and that's not even saying they're all useable!) wouldn't fill a child's picture book!  But I shall persevere because I know that what I'm doing needs to be done!  I just need to get it all out of my heart and brain so I can begin to edit!  I also need to stop criticizing myself at this stage of the game, and just get the words and thoughts out of me.  There will be plenty of time to sweat over which words to use and where to put the commas later. 

So that's where I am right now.  Many things on the plate, but a lot of waiting at the moment.  I guess this is my breather before the craziness begins, and breathers should be savored as they don't come around often.

Love and light.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

July 5, 2011 Random thoughts on subjects of varying degrees of importance

As I sit in front of my computer trying to exhaust my brain enough to sleep, a myriad of thoughts chase each other around my brain.  Thoughts like "I'm glad my friends are not like my relatives."  or "interesting how the women in my family all seem to go through a period of major insecurity.  Some of us outgrow it, and others never do."  And with the last, is insecurity genetic instead of learned, or do each of us have enough of our mothers in us that we inadvertently teach it to our daughters.  (I can't speak for the sons as I'm not close enough to any of them to get their input).  My mom and one of my aunts were frighteningly similar in many ways.  They'd both get all huffy if things weren't going as they wanted, and although my aunt had a nervous breakdown when I was a kid, it very well could have gone the same way my mom did, if circumstances were only slightly different.  Is that why they have had to chew the whole thing up, hash and re-hash and share it with anyone within earshot?  Is it really, for them, a "there but for the grace of G-d go I" kind of situation, and the only way that they can keep from being afraid is by setting themselves above my parents?  If that's the case, as far as I'm concerned, whatever works, but is it truly working if they have to keep re-hashing to remind themselves?  Hard to say.

Other thoughts spinning around are focused on the fact that I haven't really written anything of note in a couple of weeks.  I was going to sit down this weekend, but never really had the quiet I wanted, and just didn't motivate myself.  Last time I really got some good writing in, I was actually compelled to sit down and write, and it just came spewing forth.  I struggled over about 800 words in my last session, and probably could have done more had I maintained the quiet I needed and not allowed myself to get distracted.  At the moment, I'm feeling like a lot of what I've written is somewhat preachy, but I'm not sure, right now, how to fix it nor how to change direction.  I know that it will come to me and forcing it won't make it come any faster, but it really is frustrating! 

I'm seeing and hearing a lot of mention of illness lately, and I'm trying to detach myself from those thoughts and conversations as I work on allowing my body to reach it's natural, healthy, divine state.  That isn't to say that I don't have an ache or pain, nor that the weather changes aren't making my sinuses cranky, but I see this as part of the normalization process that's occurring within me right now, sort of like growing pains, and I need to just allow the process to proceed until it has gone through all of the steps it needs to in order to return me to that perfect, healthy state.  I know that things I've done have pushed me away from that place, and that, just as when you make a wrong turn and drive for awhile in the opposite direction from where you need to be, it takes awhile before you get back on the right road.  Meanwhile, you might find yourself driving through some pretty dicey areas before returning to the proper route.  I guess it's no different than when I quit smoking and hacked my brains out for a year or so, clearing all of the crap from my lungs.  I still need to clear crap from my body so that it can function efficiently. 

I had contemplated trying to go to the two-step lessons tomorrow night, but my right knee is still a bit on the weak side, and I think another week of stretching it, resting it and concentrating on line dancing will get me back to normal faster than pushing it tomorrow night. 

And finally, the stir fry mix of asparagus, mushrooms and onions Trader Joe's has in their fresh vegetable case is quite tasty and went very well with last night's leftover chicken! 

Love and light

Saturday, July 2, 2011

July 2, 2011 Thoughts on Taming of the Shrew and other ramblings

Enjoyed a very entertaining performance of Taming of the Shrew in the park at CLU last night, complete with a lovely picnic made by my daughter and her boyfriend.  I even managed to get in and out of the low lawn chair the venue requires without assistance!  Was it the hill or is that tendon gaining strength even when it's paining me greatly?  Although I could definitely do without the pain, if it's part of getting the strength back in my leg, well, the end justifies the means.

My friend, Christine, shared a most amazing collection of Tarot cards with cat themes, one of which was done by taking photographs of cats, scenes in Prague and various miniature baroque themed costumes and putting them all together to create simply beautiful scenes.  I may have to locate and purchase (or purr-chase) the deck for myself!  I think I could learn to read that deck as well because the scenes are very detailed and fitting of the cards they depict.  Granted, the readings I would get with one of these decks would vary to some degree from the same reading done with my Spiral deck, but then, that would be the case regardless of which deck was used.  The imagery definitely impacts the reading.

At any rate, back to Shrew.  I had not revisited the play in a very long time, and had not remembered that the story for which I remember the play was actually a play within a play, although, by the end, the part about the joke being played on an unsuspecting traveler seemed to have gotten lost somewhere.  At any rate, I found myself feeling quite annoyed at how Petruchio essentially beat Kate into submission by starving her, denying her sleep and denying her visits to her family until she agreed that black was white, and even then, continued to humiliate her in front of his friends and servants.  It makes me wonder if Shakespeare wrote the play as a tribute to the male dominated world of the time, or to ridicule the process by showing a blatant and cruel abuse of the belief system which saw women as little more than chattel and men as the gods they were supposed to adore and obey, no matter what?  I, myself, would surely have been like Kate in the early part of the story, and would more likely remained unwed and perhaps working in some menial position to support myself rather than be owned by some mere male of the species!  Isn't it fortunate that I'm living in the current era with such untoward thoughts and beliefs? :) 

Either way, the performance was extraordinary, the actors drawing us into the story quite skillfully.  I look forward to The Merchant of Venice at the end of the month. 

Love and light