Welcome to my Journey

Hello, and welcome to my Journey. Over the last few years I have been learning more about my personal journey, my Path and my Soul Purpose. The further I travel, the easier I find it to share my journey with others, and to learn from their journeys as well. The most recent evolution has caused me to expand my Universe and allow more people access to my travels, as well as allowing me access to more people, their travels and what they have learned as they walk their own paths. Feel free to share your journey here as we all have much to learn in our lives as Divine Beings having a Human experience.

Love and Light.

Monday, December 30, 2013

December 30, 2013 We've come so far!

On this second to last day of 2013, I find myself marveling over how far, not only I have come, but how far the people closest to me have come as well. 

For myself, I was encouraged by a friend to begin a new journey in July which led me to reassess where I was and where I wanted to be, enabling me to make a huge change in early December.  I finally put my faith in myself and my ability to thrive, and left the confines which were part and parcel of a steady paycheck to follow my dreams. 

In so doing, I not only received a huge outpouring of love and support from the ladies with whom I'm sharing the journey which began in July, but also from friends both new and old, and from my daughter and son-in-law as well.  I am swimming in a pool of such intense, positive energy that sinking isn't even within the realms of my reality.

I find that I am energized to the point of hyperactive these days, unable to sit still for too long without doing something, anything except just sitting and being completely mindless.  Ideas fly through my head like meteorites on crack, and things I have wanted to organize for years are suddenly almost organizing themselves. 

Then there's my daughter and son-in-law who have been thinking and re-thinking their journey, allowing themselves to bide their time when necessary, change directions when it would further their plans, and learn valuable lessons along the way.  Their journey continues, though, for the moment, they don't know where it will take them.  They are excited about going, and where they land first is the least of their concerns (as long as it is a safe environment for their furry and scaly children!). 

I'm learning, more and more, to recognize when I'm negative talking to myself and I put a stop to it quickly, turning it to something beautiful and joyful and abundant. 

Yes, I still have many lessons to learn, many books to get written, many people to work on forgiving.  But life would be boring without something to strive for and unknown marvels around the next corner. 

2014 Happy New Year Pink New Year pictureSo as 2013 winds to a close, my words to 2014 are "Bring it on!  I am ready to party with you!!"

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to my friend, Barb, who encouraged me to begin the journey towards becoming a healer.
2. I am grateful to the ladies who are sharing my journey.  We are all so different, yet complementary to each other, with our own, unique gifts and perspectives.
3. I am grateful for my dance friends who are always positive, supportive and, best of all, joyful!
4. I am grateful that I will see the New Year in doing what I enjoy most, with many of the people I have come to love and appreciate more than ever this year.
5. I am grateful for the relationship I have with my daughter and son-in-law and for the new journey they are beginning.  The changes to all of our lives will only make us grow better and stronger.

Love and light.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

December 29, 2013 Our world is making progress!

You just have to dig a little deeper to find it sometimes! 

I have some amazing, brilliant, enlightened friends on Facebook and once in awhile, they share something which, I believe, needs even wider exposure than simply sharing it myself on Facebook.   Today is one of those days!  My friend, Megan, shared an article about a teacher in a small town in Illinois which really made me sit up and say "Oh, yeah!"  and then I realized that I needed to share it here as well.


As I really want people to read it and share for themselves, I'm not going to go into a lot of detail except to say that I am thrilled to see that the battle against ignorance comes in unexpected ways and from unexpected directions, and for the sake of our children and for our children's children's children, this is a most amazing thing!

Looking back at what I just wrote, I think "battle" is probably the wrong word, though there are definitely times, like the one mentioned in the article, where people need to band together, like a fighting force, but using words and community as their swords rather than anger, hate and violence. 

When you meet violence with violence, there is really only one outcome.  People will die.  People will be maimed.  Lives will be irrevocably changed, and seldom for the better.  And regardless of who "wins", the pattern will continue, because the loser will continue to be angry and fearful and ignorant, and will eventually rise up to try to take back what they believe they lost. 

I know I've mentioned this before, but there's something weird about "fighting" something.  There's such a negative connotation to that word, and if the word brings up negative images, wouldn't the energy be the same?

At the risk of repeating what so many others have said, here's my take:
Instead of fighting cancer, why not allow health?
Instead of fighting racism, why not promote acceptance?
Instead of hating our politicians, why not love and appreciate the good people they are, deep down inside?
For those who work for someone else, instead of cursing your job, find the things you love about it and embrace them wholeheartedly.  (I did this and was later told that I'd changed in a good way, though the reason wasn't apparent, nor should it have been! :))

In short, I've gotten into the habit of replacing "fight" with "allow", "hate" with "love", and have learned that the time to follow my dream and ignore my fears is right now!

Fear is simply ignorance of our potential.  When we are unable to see what lies ahead, we can react in many ways.  We can fear what lies ahead, slow our steps and even stop, remaining where we are indefinitely so we don't have to face the unknown.  Or we can embrace the potential in not knowing what is ahead of us, trusting that we have, indeed, learned to make lemonade out of lemons if that's what we're given, but knowing that, in truth, most of the time, we get something more wonderful than our feeble human minds can imagine!

My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful that I can trust in myself, my guides and the Universe and allow myself to follow the dream.
2. I am grateful for the incredible, electric energy which surrounds my life and offers unbelievable potential.
3. I am grateful for the loving, positive, supportive people who are in my life now, and are joining it in a steady stream.
4. I am grateful for words that come to my fingers, even before my brain even registers them there.
5. I am grateful for quiet days with the wind howling outside my window which encourage me to let the muse run free and wild.

Love and light.

Friday, December 27, 2013

December 27, 2013 Heart Stone

Last night, a dear friend gave me the most marvelous gift ever!  And unbeknownst to her, I'd been wanting one for awhile, though the ones I'd looked at up to now were quartz.  She told me this one was labradorite, but both my daughter and I thought it was Fluorite, and when I looked it up on the internet, found that it did look more like Fluorite, which has some amazing properties! 

Fluorite Gemstone meaning

Formerly called fluorspar, fluorite has a wide range of colors including yellow, blue, pink purple and green. It is an interesting and beautiful stone because often more than one color occurs in a single stone. The ancient Egyptians used flourite to carve statues and scarabs, the Chinese have used it in carvings for over 300 years. In the 18th century, fluorite was powdered in water to relieve the symptoms of kidney disease.
Fluorite is said to absorb and neutralize negative vibrations. It makes one more receptive to the vibrations of other stones. Fluorite should be kept in every room of the home. Fluorite is known as the "Genius Stone".
  • increases concentration
  • helps in decision-making

Healing properties of Fluorite

Fluorite may be used with other stones. It helps to open the way for the power of other stones to be effective. It can be used as a meditation stone to help energize the body and raise the power of concentration.
Healers use it to help with ulcers as well as the respiratory tract by stimulating cell regeneration in these areas. It fortifies bones, improves arthritic or other joint ailments. It can be laid directly on the body.

Pretty cool, I thought!  But that's not even the beginning!  I took the stone out while talking to my daughter, and just held it in my hand, warming it with my body.  I set it down for a few minutes while I gathered water and other things to do a meditation.  When I picked it back up, the darned thing was HOT!!!  Once I held it in my hand again, it cooled back down to my body temperature.

So, did I charge the stone, or was it unhappy to be away from me for even a few minutes?  Has it attuned to me?

I especially love this stone, and, in fact, could not have chosen better myself, because it has some cracks and cloudy spots some might call flaws, but which I call character.

When I shone my desk lamp on the heart stone, I noticed a bright, almost emerald green patch inside the stone, at the bottom of one of the curves at the top of the heart.  On the opposite side of the curve is a vein of less intense green.  The top of the heart is almost clear so that you can look down inside the heart to see veining and what appears to be crystalline pieces on top of stone.

Both sides of the heart appear to have cracks.  On one side, it runs diagonally from top left to bottom right.  On the other side, it bisects the heart from left to right, near the bottom. This crack has a solid, white colored spot near the far right side.

On the side with the diagonal crack, there is what appears to be a heart within a heart.  On the right side, is a very clear, green vein which forms the top loop of the heart.  Inside the green vein, the rest of the heart forms in deep, purple, set slightly off-center, to the left side of the heart.

Although the heart stone is primarily purple, there are definite veins and patches of green, from the subtlest to the most intense.  There are crystalline sections which are nearly clear, and a couple of patches of cloudy white, one at the top and one near the bottom.

All in all, I will spend a lot of time both studying and connecting with this stone, as it appears to me that it has come into my life for a very definite reason.  The fact that I have been looking at them, but never chose one for myself is, I believe, significant.  The fact that this, particular friend gave it to me is also significant.  I tease her and her husband for being yentas but they are so filled with love and have a very strong, abiding marriage and connection with each other.

Just the other night, she tried to fix me up with a new guy who's been coming into the club where we dance.  I learned yesterday that he's just finalizing a divorce and will be going on the line dance cruise.  OK, so he is definitely easy on the eyes.  But I have been keeping my distance as I tend to be rather clumsy when I feel even the slightest attraction.  But I appreciate the fact that he's really making an effort to learn to dance.

The dance world is a crazy place, though.  There are more women than men who love to dance on a regular basis so when  new man shows up with a desire to dance, it is rarely very long, if he's at all inclined, before one of those women hooks up with him.  Some of them just talk to him and listen.  Others are more aggressive.  It depends a lot on the man and what he's receptive to.  Rarely do I notice that the man actually seeks out a particular woman, but then, I admit I don't watch too closely.  What I typically notice is that a new man is learning the dances.  The next thing I usually notice is that he's found a lady friend.  What happens in the middle is a complete mystery to me!

However (and this is a biggie!), I really did seem to feel his energy last night.  OK, it could have been my imagination, wishful thinking or indigestion, but I really felt especially sparkly last night.

Clearly, if it is time for me to add a dimension to my life, I will be able to do what's necessary to move things into alignment.  Time will definitely tell.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for friends who know what I need.
2. I am grateful for all of the love and affection and laughter I am enjoying.
3. I am grateful that I'm done wrapping for another year.
4. I am grateful that I only have a few more things to clean up to clear the Christmas dust away.
5. I am grateful for the upgrade my adopted son did to my computers (even if I lost VPN temporarily due to my own mistake!)

Love and light.

Monday, December 23, 2013

December 23, 2013 And the odd dreams begin again

Last night I had the strangest dreams....

Yep, my quiet, forgettable dreaming nights have ended far too soon.  Once again, I'm taunted by dreams which remain in my mind long after I've achieved wakefulness as a result of both my musical cat and strong doses of caffeine.  Once again, I'm waking with the first thought in my head being "Huh????"

This morning's dreams seemed to focus around bathrooms.  (OK, so my bladder was also telling me to get up, in not-so-subtle ways!)

In the first dream, I had to return to Target for something.  I had been there earlier and the place was pretty empty, but this time, the parking lot was a mess and people were waiting in long lines for rest rooms which were placed outside on the north wall of the building.  I really needed to go and noticed that there were a couple of them which had very short lines, so I joined one.  The woman in line before me went in and the next thing I knew, she had picked the whole toilet up and turned it upside down and was shaking it!  She said she was unclogging it, but in an utterly novel manner!!!  As I waited, I started talking to a young woman I didn't recognize, but somehow knew worked for my old employer.  She was telling me about a task order they were getting for $208,000 which they'd been expecting as it used up the money from something-or-other.  I told her I already knew about it as I'd run into one of the owners of the company when I was in Target earlier, and he'd told me about it.  (weird as they'd have no real reason to bring up company business with me, especially in the middle of a store, but I did say the dreams were weird!)  As we talked, people apparently cut in line ahead of us without our realizing it, and there were now a couple of dozen people ahead of us.  I finally said, "screw it!", told my bladder to wait and went into the store to get what I needed.

Back at the house, I was having some trouble with my bath tub, and a plumber just happened to be there to shut off the water by crawling under the tub (ok, so I can't figure this one out either, but wait!  It gets weirder!)

We fixed the problem and I assume, turned the water back on.   Meanwhile, we had a pad of cement in the back yard on which we were installing some kind of mechanism.  Later in the day, when I turned on the shower, no water came out.  A man who just happened to be there suggested that it was electrical and, in fact, there were wires under my tub, though heaven only knows why!  There was an opening under the tub, but it was no longer big enough for anyone to crawl under to turn the water on or off.  I also mentioned that it had been working just fine in the morning!

The man told me that we had a limited amount of time to find the problem, though I wasn't clear as to whether it was because he had to leave, would only fix it for free for a certain amount of time, or because it would prove dangerous if left for too long.  At any rate, I remembered the pad in the back yard, so we went outside to check on the installation.  There was a single lightbulb on a pole and when I turned it on, it caused a spark, then went out.  He determined that that was the problem and went off to fix it.

So I'll be left wondering how electrical and plumbing can conspire to cross each other's wires and result in failure while finishing the last of my Christmassing and trying to remember where I put a particular gift which needs to be delivered!

On another note, I failed to find an acceptable Chinese restaurant for tomorrow's festivities, so we are deviating from tradition tonight to have Italian food for dinner!  These days, the Chinese aren't the only ones who work on Christmas Eve, thanks to good old, American greed!  But I am going to feed into that greed to honor or family tradition of Christmas Eve dinner out.  I will not, however, buy into this "shop around the clock" mentality that companies are establishing this year!  I feel bad for the people who have to work when the rest of us are snug in our beds, just to satisfy some corporation's idea of grabbing that last buck!

But the choice belongs to the shoppers.  If not enough shop in the middle of the night to warrant keeping the lights on all night, I'm sure that those corporations will rethink their strategy for next year!

I can still wish everyone a Merry Christmas, and hope that everyone's holiday is bright and filled with family, friends and, most of all, love!

My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful for the love and humor with which I am surrounded.
2. I am grateful to be able to provide a safe temporary home for my friends beautiful, fluffy boy.
3. I am grateful for all of the blessings I have received this year.
4. I am grateful for the new life I have undertaken, and all of the opportunities it is giving me already.
5. I am grateful for continued opportunities to help make the world a better place, and the examples my daughter sets for me.

Love and light

Sunday, December 22, 2013

December 22, 2013 Holiday thoughts

As we close in on Christmas 2013,  I am fortunate to be able to get my tasks completed with less stress than I have had in years.  I rise when I wake, enjoy my coffee, breakfast and kitties before picking up the day's tasks, be it accounting work, Christmas wrapping or errands, and am gracefully flowing into Christmas with all of the joys of the season filling my very soul.

Tonight, I was fortunate enough to spend the evening dancing, sharing, loving and exuding joy with my dance friends.  In fact, we were so full of joy that Santa Claus had to come join the fun!  The love, the camaraderie, the laughter, the shared jokes it was all there!

Whether it was one of my dance partners keeping me laughing through three or four two step songs and a couple of couples' dances, or another friend not so subtly trying to find me a man, it was all done with love and affection, and the sharing of the moments was extra special tonight!

I know that, in the midst of it all, I'll finish the wrapping, find Mathom's missing stocking, get a clean bill of health for Chris' beautiful fluffy boy, Snowball, so he can finally play with Dylan without the bathroom door between them, and be ready for our traditional Jewish Christmas Eve dinner with time to spare.  In fact, I might even get some work done on my book between now and then if luck is with me!

Although I have carried my gratitude throughout the year, via my blog, my Joy Jar, and just every day thankfulness for all the blessing I have been enjoying, I feel that gratitude almost to the point of overwhelming right now.

I have enough work, enough money, enough time, and best of all, more than enough love and friendship!  I am one very lucky woman!  All of those twisting, winding, switchbacking roads I've traveled have led me here, and without the challenges along the way, I wouldn't have gotten to this wonderful, amazing place filled with the most incredible people I've ever seen!  Each and every one of them inspires me in their own way, and my life is fuller and more beautiful for the experiences!

So tonight, I'm going to name a few names, and show my gratitude to those who inspire me.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to Judy and Ron and Barb and Michelle and Meaghan who have helped me find my spiritual path.
2. I am grateful to Heather and Candy who have believed in me even when I lost sight of what was truly important, and without whom, I might never have taken the leap of faith which has me at nearly 60,000 words of the first book in my Transition Series.
3. I am grateful to Merry and Bea and Lorna and Deb and Julie and Barbara and Barb and Frankie and Richard and so many more for reminding me what an amazing place I was able to grow up in, and look back upon, and see what incredible adults we have become for the experience.
4. I am grateful to Heather and Mathom who make life interesting and fun and unusual...but never, ever boring!
5. I am grateful to Jesse and Darian who have been loyal friends to my daughter, and have added depth to my life for many years now.
6. I am grateful to Dezi and Brian, Linda and Paul, Judy and Ron, Joy and Bruno, Lisa and Ric and, again, so many others who have,  shown me, not only that we can all live and love together no matter what our spiritual path, nor what we call the positive thoughts we send each other, be it prayer, energy, or anything else, but that deep. abiding love exists for all of us, no matter how far we might have drifted away from it in our search for ourselves.
7. And finally, I am grateful for the people I met through the Ultimate Blog Challenge, like Liz and Deb, who have helped me to not only boost the traffic on this blog, but to gain the confidence to follow my dream as they've followed theirs.

I love you all, and can't even find the words to tell you how much I appreciate your being a part of my life.

Love and light.  (and happy holidays, whatever you might celebrate!)

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

December 17, 2013 Rockin' the To Do list.

I'm happy to say that even when I'm not really trying, I've been able to knock things off of my To Do list on a regular basis!  Today, alone, I got through about 5 things, and part of a sixth!  In short, I did some writing, got my tree up, wrapped a few presents and sent a box off to my granddaughter.  I also delivered a gift to my manicurist and got in a run to Costco to cash my rebate check and pick up a few things. 

Tomorrow, I have a haircut and some work for a client, though I'm also expecting to see some other things coming in which will have to be added to my list.

I'm liking this list thing because it not only keeps me on track, but it gives me some much needed attagirls when I feel like I haven't accomplished much.

Gift wrapping is shaping up to be particularly challenging this year, thanks to my feline children.  Dylan and Munchkin think ribbons are there for their culinary enjoyment and Dylan has also taken on the fake tree.  What goofballs!  But the fact that my living room has been turned into Santa's gift wrapping workshop severely limits the poor dears' play space.  I suppose they feel justified in taking their frustration out on unwary packages and trees!

Meanwhile, the nest I made out of a blanket and a stuffed calico cat for my elderly cat, on the mistaken assumption that she was sleeping on the floor because she could no longer make it up onto my bed is either lying empty or being occupied by Dylan.  Patches has seen fit to show me that, despite her 16 years and stiffening of her springs, making her way onto my bed is not a problem at all, but was merely a choice.  She has since made a new choice and can be found on my bed all night long and for most of the day as well!  (potty and food runs notwithstanding!)

So the holidays are chugging right along, but I'm not quite as panicked (yet) by how much I have yet to wrap.  I supposed I'm a little too lackadaisical about it right now, but will hit that "Oh, my gawd!  Christmas is only two days away and I still have a kazillion things to wrap!" stage very soon, assuming I don't kick up the wrapping between now and then!  But why should this Christmas be any different than any other?  Just because I'm working from home and getting my errands done during less busy times does not mean that I'm working any less.  The only thing I'm really missing at this point is an hour's worth of commuting every day.  (and my gas tank is still 3/4 full although I filled it up over a week ago!)

So, this is me, happy ho, ho, ho-ing as I get into my holiday mode, a bit later than normal this year, but I'm there!  I look at my house and wonder what I can drag out of the storage room to spruce things up a bit, as if the colorful packages under the tree aren't already making it look a lot like Christmas!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for all of the tasks which are keeping me busy, happy and productive.
2. I am grateful for the things I've completed, as they allow me more time to do the rest of the things I need to dol
3. I am grateful for the successes that are occurring both for me and for my kids!
4. I am grateful for the cats who give me a reason to laugh every single day!
5. I am grateful for all of the joy I'm finding when I venture out into the world these days.  May it continue without end!

Love and light.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

December 15, 2013 Winding down a lazy weekend.

Things have been rather quiet around here for the last couple of days.  I guess this is the calm part, huh? 

I got past the allergy cruddy eyes by Friday, had a lovely dinner and did a bit of shopping with the kids, on Friday night, and actually got a workout and some errands in on Saturday.  But the allergy symptoms have to run their course and today started in the wee hours with a screaming headache that sent me for the new herbal allergy pills, a couple of aleve and the somewhat upright position on my sofa.  Of course, the cats came to add their comfort to the scene, but when I woke again with my head hurting, I decided a bit of movement was called for (and it WAS almost 10:00 AM by then!) 

The kitties, of course, lacked even a modicum of understanding for their late breakfast!  But I soon got some coffee into me and started feeling somewhat human, albeit very lazy. 

I have forgiven myself for taking more than my share of lazy days over the past week.  But I've learned that when I'm inclined to be lazy for a couple of days, it is generally an omen of busy days to come and time to get my body and mind in gear for the onslaught.

So, I treasure the day of relaxation and kitty cuddling, and hope they'll understand when they don't get as many pets as they think they deserve, despite the fact that I'm at home and really should be taking time out to pet them, say, every 5 minutes or so. 

So I set the coffee pot up for a normal work week, when the lovely, fragrant brew will assault my nostrils fairly early, getting me in gear for errands, a possible workout and some writing on the morrow. 

May your days be merry and bright!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that my body warns me when a day of rest is a really good idea in preparation for a great deal of busyness.
2. I am grateful that my older cat, Patches, turned her back on the nice little nest I made her in her new favorite sleeping spot next to my laundry hamper and showed me that, despite her advanced years, she could still manage to get up onto my bed all by herself, thankyouverymuch!
3. I am grateful for warm pajamas on cold nights.
4. I am grateful for thirst that reminds me to consume more water.
5. I am grateful for sleepy eyes which tell me that an early bedtime will not be a bad idea, even if it's way out of character.

Love and light.

Friday, December 13, 2013

December 13, 2013 Singin' the Christmas shopping blues...with a full tummy and a happy heart.

My daughter stopped by tonight and as I dug through all of my Amazon boxes looking for a Crayola box I was certain I'd bought, I discovered a few things:
   1. I somehow ended up with not one but two Ninja bullet sets from Kohl's.
   2. The Crayola set was nowhere to be found and when I checked my receipts, it wasn't there either.

It seems that I must have missed getting the Crayolas paid for and now had to re-order them for my Toys for Tots gift.  As for the Ninja, well, I got 2 for about half price, so either I'll keep one and give it to someone else later, or just keep it for myself as a Santa present.  Either way works for me. 
Gotta love online shopping in the middle of the night!  Guess I'll be looking more closely next year, huh?

I ended up getting out of the house for the first time since my allergies decided to make me look like a red eyed raccoon, and I'm glad I did.  I enjoyed a lovely dinner with the kids and then got some of my shopping done as well.  Not to mention, getting out and walking around after sitting for the better part of three days did me worlds of good!  It is a beautiful evening here, chilly, but not windy (at least until tomorrow when rumor has it the winds will be returning) and a nice night to walk around in the outdoor mall.  Although, when they had to unlock the doors to let us leave the Hallmark store, we were all surprised that it had gotten so late while we ate and then strolled.

All in all, it was a perfect way to end my first week of self-employment (and yes, not only did I get some writing done, I also put in some billable hours and finalized the contract with my former employer to do contract work!)

I am feeling pretty darned good about myself, my life and the choices I've made!  2013 is going out with a bang, and 2014 will be my most amazing year yet!  (although, if my typing skills continue to be as bad as they are tonight, I might have to invest in a Dragon!)

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that the herbal remedy we got from a friend knocked the bejeebers out of my allergies.
2. I am grateful for the day of rest from contacts I gave my eyes.
3. I am grateful for the plethora of story ideas that keep dancing through my dreams.
4. I am grateful for all of the joys of the holidays, and how they follow me all year long!
5. I am grateful for the clearing of all my debt in the next few months, thanks to lots of success in my chosen endeavors.

Love and light.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

December 11, 2013 OK, so what is the Universe trying to tell me this time?

Last night was one of those nights when I was entertained by a parade of weird dreams, some of which were apparently brought on by outside influences.

Sometime in the dark of the early morning, I was awoken from a dream in which my face was being vigorously washed by a rough cat tongue.  Upon awakening, I discovered that my darling Toby (who has, unlike Dylan, not learned the concept of "gentle tongue") was, indeed, giving my a cat facial.  The only way I was able to get away from his insistent bathing was to put a pillow over my face!  He has never done that before.

The next dream took place at Borderline where the crowd was extremely thin and most of the people were strangers to me.  I finally left my table on the freeway side and moved my things to a booth (there are no booths at Borderline) on the parking lot side, near where my friend, Bill, usually sits.  The music being played was very odd for the pre-class time period, and the DJ booth was dark.  The owner said that the whole booth wasn't working and that he had debated whether or not to even open because of it.  In the meantime, Bill was running a bunch of extension cords and such to hook a small stereo up to the sound system.  Te weird part of that was that, although the stereo only had a CD player, he had a table with a bunch of LP's on it.  I tried to get out on the floor to dance a solo Cowboy Cha Cha, but kept messing it up as I seemed to forget the sequence of the dance, and, when I looked at other dancers, they weren't dancing the normal sequence either, but seemed to be in sync with each other while I was not.  Feeling an urge to use the bathroom, I went over and discreetly pulled a couple of Cottonelle wipes from a box I had left under my jacket.

In the next dream, I had a very odd assortment of animals including a chicken who was using the cat's sand box, and had the runs.  When I called the vet, they started talking about cysts and other medical conditions which could cause this in a chicken, and I was getting ready to take said bird to the vet when I awoke. 

There doesn't seem to be any kind of common thread here, so I'm going to ponder it awhile before I write more.

After a long day of researching insurance, working on the setup for one client and the contract with another, knocking out a few more chores and adding another 2000 or so words to my novel, I'm no closer to understanding what messages I might have been given mean.  So I'll simply ask for clarification and sleep on it! :)

I did get the kitchen put back in order, finally, while sitting on hold, waiting for the California version of the insurance act got around to me.  And though I only stepped outside to get the mail today, the wind did it's work and has left me with goopy eyes and a stuffy head.  Thank goodness for the neti pot!!!  I can at least breathe, even if my sinuses are swollen.  And, I know that, this, too, shall pass, and I'll be back out there, kicking up dust in no time!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for less productive days which make me appreciate the ones when I am unstoppbable.
2. I am grateful for days when I feel less than par to make me appreciate the majority of the days that I feel wonderful!
3. I am grateful for getting a few more things off of my to do list without adding an equal number back.
4. I am grateful for consistency with my writing, even when it means staying up until 1 or 2 AM to make it happen.
5. I am grateful for warm kitty bodies to snuggle with on these cold, blustery nights.

Love and light.

Monday, December 9, 2013

December 10, 2013 Change in perspective

As recently as last week, this was me:
But it's amazing what a change a week can make.  As I sit here, delaying going out into the cold, windy morning to start my gym routine again, I find that my perspective is more like this.

animated happy dance photo: happy Dance (Small Animated Bodyshot) mz_4309081_bodyshot_175x233.gif  What a difference a day, makes!

In truth, Mondays were less and less like the "before" picture above since I gave my notice at work. Instead, I was starting to say "Only 3 more Mondays...only 2 more Mondays...and finally, this is the last Monday I'll have to wake to an alarm, get up, get dressed and, <shudder>  commute!"

Now granted, my commute, compared to that of others, was not too bad.  20 minutes through beautiful, tree lined highways on a good day, 35 on a bad one, and occasionally, over an hour when idiocy stalked the route between my house and my office.

But being able to get up when I feel like it (Toby, the feline alarm clock notwithstanding), drink my coffee leisurely, catch up on email and such, and then head off to the gym as one of the many items on my growing To-Do list is, frankly, a little slice of heaven!  Granted, my To-Do list could be daunting if I let it.  But I figure that all I can do is mark things off one at a time, so I'm not going to sweat it if I only mark one or two things off today.

I know that I'll have days when I am lucky to check one item off my list, and others when I'm a productivity ninja, and both are equally important!  What I will try to remember, though, is to give myself lots of attagirls every time I do check something off of that list!

And I'm feeling pretty good about today.  I got the comforter Scooby horked on washed, the first of two loads of clothes through the washer, my desk completely cleaned off (a two hour job all by itself!), my first gym workout done, and got groceries and vitamins!  Pretty good for my first day of no work, and I got this post started early in the day as a bonus!

I'm feeling very confident that I can and will be able to maintain the schedules I've set for myself, and that I can be organized and efficient when necessary.

The only thing I seem to be missing right now is an appetite!  (not that this is a bad thing, really!)  It is nearly 6:30 and all I've eaten today is a couple of small pieces of cheese before going to the gym, a bagel with cheese and onion and an apple for lunch, and lots of water.  I'm currently debating whether or not I even want to bother heating up some turkey soup.  Guess I'll just listen to my body on this one!

For now, I'm grateful for the things I did accomplish, including a leisurely gym workout with lots of stretching at the end.  I'm also grateful that tomorrow's regime includes both a massage and a manicure!  I could definitely be a productivity ninja in between the two, despite the fact that the uncluttering of my office is, for now, limited to the desk.  But since that is the most important place for clutter to be gone, I am very pleased.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my ever-growing to do list.
2. I am grateful for the things I was able to remove from said list.
3. I am grateful for the excellent start I made on my new life.
4. I am grateful for the picture of daffodils I found during my cleaning, to remind me of the rebirth of me!
5. I am grateful for so much to do to fill my days, while still being able to follow my own schedule.

Love and light.

December 9, 2013 Rebirth: Daffodils and Redwoods.

daffodils photo: daffodils daffodils.jpgThis weekend at my A.R.T. class, my teacher gave me a birthday party.  She said that the new life I'm embarking upon is (and I'm not quoting her directly here) like being born into a new place.  So, essentially, it is a rebirth.  Interestingly, many other things I experienced this weekend point to that rebirth.  I saw daffodils in a practice session in which I was the recipient, and upon googling daffodils, my teacher found a page which described daffodils as signifying rebirth.

I also got a very strong picture of a giant redwood which had treehouses in the branches.  At first they seemed to be independent little worlds of their own, but later, I saw suspended bridges connecting them.  I believe this signifies my writing career and the stories I will tell.

Research into the redwoods yielded a lot of information, including the fact that they not only have new versions of themselves which can start quite a ways up the trunk, but that they also support an entire ecosystem in their boughs, far above the forest floor.  Again, I find the symbolism significant for me at this juncture in my life.

Although I have yet to pick my book back up since finishing the 50,000 word challenge last weekend, I will be continuing the habit of writing at least 2,000 words a day.  Though I was going to start tonight, I know that the weekends I have class are very intense, and not always conducive to letting my creativity flow.  Tomorrow will be soon enough, and will certainly be great once I get my office cleared as I'd like.

If all goes as planned, I'll get up by 8 and, after coffee and a light snack of a breakfast, head to the gym.  Afterwards, I'll get some grocery shopping done, then come home to start turning my office into a clear place to work.  There will definitely be smudging involved after my cleaning and organizing frenzy.  I want all of the energy to be clear for me to finish my first book and get it edited and ready to publish.

Unlike last night, I have no intention of staying up until 3 AM, though, once I'm back to my writing, I'm sure that will not be uncommon.  For the most part, I will be setting my own work hours which may or may not coincide with what the world sees as office job hours.  I never really fit into a niche, and now is definitely the time to live by my own timetable.  That means that I will no longer live my life according to a clock or to someone else's idea of normal work hours.

I will work the hours I need to to get whatever is on my plate done.  If, some days, that is only 2 hours and others, it is 12-14, that's what works for me.  For tomorrow, I'm inclined to ignore the phone and only answer email when it doesn't conflict with my other plans for the day, but the one thing I don't want to do is to become rigid in any way.  Rigidity and creativity are not a good mix!

I don't know right now if I'll work 10 hours doing accounting this month or 100, or somewhere in between.  What I do know is that the Universe is finally pleased with the direction I'm taking and will be right there with me (we are one, after all) to see me through wherever this takes me. I know that guidance will come when I need it, and when I don't, my world will be quiet while I walk my path.

I realized today that I will likely not be ready to follow a path of healing when my A.R.T. class ends in June.  I need to pursue other education before I can truly become the healer I envision.  I have a feeling that some of that education will come in the form of research for books, and one of the topics I intend to pursue is Shamanism.

I might even try to grow something without killing it for a change.  The one thing I am not setting for myself is strict boundaries.  I want to be able to dabble in whatever I find interesting.  If I go on to actually do something with it, fine.  If it just becomes material for a book, well that's fine too.

In short, I am finally giving myself the freedom, the permission,. to be whatever I want to be.  Tomorrow, I might be a fairy princess.  The next day, an astronaut.  Who knows?  The main thing is, I will have fun doing, imagining, being.  And that is truly what life is all about!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my A.R.T. class who helped me to realize that I was killing myself slowly, doing something that didn't satisfy my passion.
2. I am grateful for my cats who are tuned into my new energy, and loving it.
3. I am grateful for the people who encourage me.
4. I am grateful for my ability to allow what I need to come to me.
5. I am grateful for the healing sessions which give me titillating glimpses of my own possibilities, and make me want to know more!

Love and light.

Friday, December 6, 2013

December 6, 2013 The day has come!

Well, after a couple of insanely crazy weeks (is that redundant?), I have come to the end of my four weeks' notice and am, for all intents and purposes, a free woman!  I have no more requirements to show up at a regular time at a regular place, but, instead, will need to generate some business to sustain me physically, and write my little butt off to sustain me spiritually!  I think it's a fair trade!

It was a little sad to walk away from a job I've held for almost 6 years, but knowing deep in the depth of the soul that, not only is it the right thing to do, it is really the ONLY thing for me to do! 

I know I'll have some work in the coming months, though, how much is yet to be seen.  But I have no fear that I will have enough work to accomplish all of the lofty goals I've set for myself while allowing me ample time to ply the trade of my passion. 

There are so many things I want to accomplish in the next 3 weeks or so.  I will surely need to make lists in order to keep myself on track.

But, after my class this weekend, the first order of business will be to organize my space.  To that end, I ordered a new desk chair to replace the one I'm currently using which is rapidly losing parts of itself, never to be joined together again!

I did catch up on my homework, though, admittedly, it wasn't one of my better jobs.  The reading was interesting, despite the fact that it put me to sleep at a disgustingly early hour the other night, and the questions weren't too bad.  I just wasn't able to do everything I needed to for the class over the last 3 weeks.  I just had too much going on! 

While things are a bit calmer, I don't really expect them to slow down much. 

For now, I'm going to take a few deep breaths, take care of myself in ways I have missed through the craziness, and get into a new routine which involves healthy eating, adequate exercise, sunshine, and extended bouts of writing   I will also spend a lot of time just snuggling with my cats and organizing my space so it helps my soul to breathe!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for all of the opportunities that are lining up, waiting for me to pick them.
2. I am grateful for having been able to leave on a positive note, leaving doors open.
3. I am grateful for time to spend with my cats, even while I'm working and doing things which will take me places I've always wanted to go.
4. I am grateful for the abundance in my life on far too many levels to mention!
5. I am grateful for the encouragement and sometimes even ass kicking I'm getting from those who love me, in spite of my many faults! (or maybe even, because of them?)

Love and light.

December 5, 2013 It's finally here!

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll love ya tomorrow.  It's only a day away!

And also a day away is my last day of work!  After tomorrow, I'll consult, I'll freelance, but best of all, I'll write!!!  A portion of every day will be dedicated to following my passion, perfecting my craft, and best of all, getting something ready for publication! 

The die has been set, the wheels put in motion!  I'll be doing what I love and loving what I'm doing.  I've already proven to myself that I can get the imagination flowing if I just stop trying so hard and allow it to come..

Funny how allowing transmutes to other parts of our lives.  Sure, I'm allowing the good things to come to me...allowing abundance.  But I never even considered allowing creativity!  What was I thinking???

Creativity is the most wonderful thing of all to allow!  It feeds the soul!  It nourishes the deepest darkest part of me! 

OK, so I've neglected the homework for my class and am going to have to scramble to get it done in time.  I've failed to get the practice in I needed, but with a shorter span between classes, and a holiday week in between, added to my last week of work!  Well, I'm not going to get myself in a dither.  I know I'll get everything done that I need to, though the quality this time may suffer a bit.  I'll make up for it in the months to come!  I've freed myself up (or so I'd like to believe) to give my all to the things which are most important. 

I'll pursue those things with all of the passion of my being and the results will reflect that passion.

Whether I heal with my words or with my other tools, it will all be coming from my heart and be unencumbered by having to follow a life which depends on a clock! 

I feel so free and so passionate and so...light!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that my leap of faith is proving to be such an amazing decision.
2. I am grateful for the abundance which is in my life and which is attracting more to me.  I feel filled with love and joy and passion and creativity.
3. I am grateful for all of the people who have supported and applauded my decision.
4. I am grateful for all of the time to spend with my kitties for company while I follow my passion.
5. I am grateful for nights of pure, sweet sleep.

Love and light.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

December 2, 2013 Ascension

This year has gone faster than a bullet train, but the last three months have certainly been the speediest.  In a conversation today, as well as in energy updates, we are seeing a lot of changes occurring, and my life certainly is proof that what everyone is predicting is coming to pass. 

How people handle these changes varies from person to person, though part of it may just be where they are in their lives.  Those who have the combined stress of work and parenthood seem to be having a tougher time with it, although, from the outside looking in, there may well be other factors that I just don't see.  Part of the Ascension process involves dealing with the things you still carry but no longer need.  Letting go can be an extremely traumatic experience.

Part of it might just be, for me, that I've been letting go of things for awhile now, and it no longer causes me the pain it has in the past.  Certainly, letting go of some things is harder than others, but the things I'm letting go of this month are bringing me nothing but joy.  The new disciplines I'm learning are also bringing me a great deal of joy because they are helping me to realize my wildest dreams is beautiful, living technicolor!

I do know that if I had begun this process 10 years ago when I still had two teenagers in the house, things could well have been quite different.  But it is clear to me that joining the ART Apprentice program came at exactly the right time for me, just as Loki's passing came at just the right time for both her and me.  Just as the 50,000 word challenge came at just the right time for me.  And just as quitting my job is coming at the right time, and is exactly what I need right now! 

Regardless of whether timing seems right or wrong, the changes are going to occur.  Like anything else in life, the way we handle the changes and challenges has a lot to do with the lessons we've spent this lifetime learning, and those we are having the most trouble with.

For me, I find that certain people challenge me (read, try my patience), so I know that they are being put into my life for a reason.  I still have a lot to learn in the way of patience.  But they also challenge me to love, forgive, accept and refrain from judging.  As long as I am still guilty of the sins, I will continue to be presented with lessons to prove that I have learned the lessons.

So in this month of December when Adjustment is called for, I will be realigning my life, expanding my horizons, finishing my novel (the first in the series), doing some side work, the amount is yet to be determined, and continuing to do things to improve me.  I know that the single most important thing I need to do is to maintain my positivity, and the way to do that is to practice an attitude of gratitude.  If it becomes necessary to walk away from one or two people in my life, I'll know that to do so is best for both of us.  We will have satisfied the purpose we had in each others' lives and will, hopefully, be grateful for the experience, however brief it might have been.

So in keeping with my plan, tonight's gratitudes are:
1. I am grateful for the people who come into my life for a reason to help me learn a particular lesson.  Without them, I wouldn't grow.
2. I am grateful for different perspectives.  They make me more compassionate with those who are finding adapting to be more difficult than I am.
3. I am grateful for opportunities to just let go.
4. I am grateful for the way my cats keep an eye on me when I'm home, seldom allowing me to be alone in a room for long.
5. I am grateful for the love and encouragement of my friends, and their willingness to celebrate with me, whether the reason is large or small.

Love and light.

Monday, December 2, 2013

December 1, 2013 Move over, Dora the Explorer! Sheri the Writer is movin' in!

It occurs to me, as I hear about so many people my age and younger who either have health issues or have chosen to return to the Sea of Souls that one of two things (or maybe a little of both) is evident in my life.  I am very blessed with good health and a minimum of physical limitations, and/or there are things I'm here to do that I have not yet done, so I need to be healthy and happy in order to fulfill my purpose(s) for this lifetime.

Frankly, I don't think these things are mutually exclusive, especially since my health begins in my energy body, and my energy body knows whether I still have things to accomplish.    Either way, I'm grateful for how things are working out, and look forward to whatever the future might bring.

Tomorrow begins my last week as a full-time employee, but also marks the week after the 30 day challenge.  Much was neglected while I fulfilled the challenge and dealt with Loki's passing, so it will also be a week of catching up on homework, bills, and a variety of other things which can no longer be pushed aside. 

But it wasn't as if I was idle this weekend either.  Thanksgiving was its usual cooking frenzy, made more interesting by the fact that the breakers in my electrical panel chose mid day to commit Hari Kiri.  Friday was spent running back and forth to Home Depot, helping my adopted son fix the thing, then cleaning up the kitchen, once power was restored. 

With my newly cleaned kitchen came soup making which took care of itself once all was in the pot while I finished the last 8000 words of the challenge.  12 hours later, I had one of the most beautiful broths imaginable, and it was allowed to cool so that fat could be skimmed.

My reward, of course, was a delightful night of dancing with friends, and a later night than usual, as I was still wired from my success with the challenge.

Today found me up early, chopping veggies to add to the soup, followed by a trip to the base with the kids to do Christmas shopping.

Finally met my new neighbors, just as I finished cleaning the turkey to go back into the pot.  They're a lovely young couple who are following their own passions in their new home, and we talked for quite awhile (my ADD didn't help as we jumped from topic to topic, returning often to the subject of cooking as she is still learning.  I offered my assistance should she need it.  I still find it a surprise to find people who don't cook, since my girls learned from a young age, but everyone is different, and not everyone had a mom who went from burning water to self taught gourmet cook like I did.  My girls had a lot of examples and as a result, love to cook, and are good seat of their pants cooks as well.

But now, here I sit, kitchen cleaned for what seems like the 90th time this weekend, soup put away and gearing up for that last week of work.  Soon, it will be time to put my home office to rights and proceed with the new life I've set for myself.

I can't wait for the adventure to begin!

Oh, wait!  It already has!!! 

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the adventures of my past and those yet to come.
2. I am grateful that I have a refrigerator full of homemade turkey soup.
3. I am grateful for the bed full of kitties who await my warm body on this balmy winter night.
4. I am grateful for friends who allow me to be an ear for them and share in life's challenges.
5. I am grateful for raising the rent in my head so toxic personalities will be inclined to take their business elsewhere.  My higher vibration is not their happy place! :)

Love and light.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

November 29, 2013 Life is so good, I could be twins!

This weekend, so far, has been incredible!  From a Thanksgiving which could have been a disaster but wasn't to a cleaned up kitchen, to turkey soup cooking on the stove, to finding the perfect gifts for Christmas, to...wait for it...wait for it...passing 50,000 words in my NaNoWriMo challenge....Life is the best it's ever been for me!!!  I am so grateful for the people who encouraged me, the sleep I lost, the words that just flowed (especially tonight when I wrote over 8000 words in about 5 hours) to the opportunities that are falling in my lap... I am so stoked!

I am also extremely wired, and it's now 3:00 AM and sleep continues to elude me.  I cannot even imagine what I'll be like when my first book is published!  I may have to ration the coffee at that point!  But it is all good!!!  I may have to push up the date I'm expecting to be published, because I've clearly shown the discipline for writing vast quantities of, well, stuff!  Some nights, the words flow like water, while others, they're like a drain stuffed with glue.  But in the end, I was able to write the 50,000 words plus a few extra in 30 days, while still working full time, and trying to keep up with my class.  Not to mention, Thanksgiving, a night with limited power (I ran an extension cord from my bathroom to my office last night to enable me to write!), to the resulting mess in the kitchen because I couldn't run the dishwasher or count on a steady stream of hot water. 

I am living proof that following your passion is a fast moving train.  While pontificating tonight, it occurred to me that the hardest part of following your passion is convincing yourself to take that very first step.  Once you take it, though, you'd better hold on tight and be ready for things to moved faster than you've ever seen before!  I wrote 8,000 freakin' words in about 5 hours tonight!  How cool is that????  Sure, they came slowly at first, but when I just let it start to flow without trying to make sense of it, the floodgates opened and I couldn't have stopped them if I'd tried. 

I originally had planned to write until I had maybe 2000 words left to finish tomorrow, but I lost control at some point and had to keep writing.  I was finally able, at the 50,233 point, to tell myself that if I didn't stop, I would be writing until my head hit the keyboard!  And poor little Munchkin cannot understand why her warm bodied mother is not in bed where she belongs, creating a warm, comfy place for her kitties to rest their weary heads!

OK, OK, so she finally gave up and took over the second chair in my office, but she isn't completely happy about it!  Will she adapt to my new career path?  It will certainly involve a lot more late night writing sessions because I will no longer be at the mercy of my alarm clock.  I write better at night.  I don't know why, but I do.  The words flow better after 9:00 PM.  But who am I to question the muses? 

I will, however, try to get some sleep because I need to get the rest of the ingredients for my turkey soup tomorrow, and of course, the straining and cooling and reassembling process will begin as well.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1.I am grateful that I completed the 50,000 word challenge, even if the book is far from complete.
2. I am grateful to have power throughout the house again.
3. I am grateful that my kitchen is, once again, put to rights.
4. I am grateful to have a huge pot of turkey soup cooking on my stove, a testament to another joyful Thanksgiving.
5. I am grateful that I have one more week of full time employment for someone else before I embark on my new journey.

Love and light.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

November 27, 2013 Catching up

Well, I'm still running a little behind, but got another 3000 words added today.  I'm finding that I'm running out of momentum as I near the end of this project.  With all of the Thanksgiving preparations, I missed two entire days of writing!  But I only have about 7700 words left to write, and should be able to get er done over the next couple of days.  Not as early as I'd hoped to finish, but as long as it is before midnight on November 30th, I'm good. 

This exercise has taught me a couple of things.
     1. I am capable of setting and sticking to goals.
     2. There are times when I will need to cut myself some slack, knowing that I'll have to push harder to make up for it later.
     3. 50,000 words may not be enough for me to get to the end of this story.
     4. I will, at times, doubt myself, but I have to quickly remind myself that whatever I set my mind to do, I can do it!
     5. Above all, keep the positive energy going!

So now, I'm allowing myself to be a little behind, knowing that I can and will write twice as much as I need to per day.  7700 words in 3 days is really nothing for me, but I know now that I will not be winding my story up in those 7700 words, but will need a few more to bring everything to conclusion.  I can now understand why some people have over 70,000 words!  Sometimes, your story just takes longer to tell (and sometimes, a lot of those words will end up on the cutting room floor!)  Either way, getting that many words down which actually follow some kind of story is quite an interesting endeavor!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my kitties and their purrs.
2. I am grateful that I have my usual cooking for Thanksgiving done ahead of time.
3. I am grateful for the people who will share the holiday with us.
4. I am grateful for the impending completion of the 50,000 word challenge.
5. I am grateful for the completion of the first draft of this book, and look forward to the process of editing it down into something worth publishing.

Love and light.

November 26, 2013 Just a quick one

Sorry for the lack of posts, but between preparing to exit the world of full time employment and preparations for Thanksgiving, I'm just not in a creative place, word wise.  I promise I'll be back up to speed in a couple of days, once I've finished digesting my turkey and fixin's!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for family traditions which endure no matter what.
2. I am grateful for all of the positive energy I am enjoying.
3. I am grateful for the energy bursts I feel every time I seal my field.
4. I am grateful for all of the love that is flowing throughout the world lately.
5. I am grateful that I can help those who are less fortunate than I, and that I will continue to be able to support causes like cat rescue and food for the needy.

Love and light.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

November 21, 2013 Last night I had the strangest dream..

You would think, with my indulging in a fantasy world every night, that my dreams would be less, well, bizarre.  But last night was living proof that my imagination can run rampant in multiple directions.  Rather a Sybil kind of mind! 

I dreamt that I had driven up to Solvang by myself and was walking around the shops when I came upon a store which sold cat trees.  They had an amazing tree which soared high in the air and was capped with what can only be described as a ship's crow's nest!  As I laid eyes on this amazing example of treeishness, I thought how Munchkin would love that wonderful, high perch!  So saying, I purchased the cat tree at a very reasonable price, while telling the shop keeper that my daughter was going to have a few words for me as she already felt that I owned too many cat trees.  But this one was special!

A man who was in the store offered to carry the tree to my car for me.  Somehow, although I thought I'd parked quite a ways from the store, when we went out the back door, my car was in a lot right there!  Attempts to put the tree in my trunk met with failure because it was too tall, so we put it inside the car.  The man tried to slam the car door, but part of the tree was still sticking out and I made him stop, pointing out that we could partially disassemble the tree to allow it to fit perfectly in my car.

When I brought it home and started to set it up, there were suddenly a whole bunch of plastic bottles and such which were arranged on a shelf, but which could easily be knocked over by the cats.  Even so, I carefully arranged the bottles and got the tree all set up for my little darlings.  Lacking any more wall space, the tree was set up, not so much in the middle of the room as in what would normally be walking space. 

That task being done, I found myself with my daughter, getting dressed up for some unspecified occasion.  I was putting on what was supposed to be a spanks-like under garment, but it was in white with pink trim and seemed rather bulky until I got it on.  But the weirdest part about it was that it had what looked like a handle on each side of my body, and I slipped my arms through the handles so that they fit like straps over my shoulders.   I can only suppose that the purpose was to keep the thing from sliding down my body when I moved, but it was quite odd!

So that is where my imagination jumped the tracks last night.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the continued flow of words from my fingers.
2. I am grateful for what will be the largest Thanksgiving gathering we've had in years!
3. I am grateful that I get to spend the holidays, once again, with my daughter and son-in-law as well as my adopted son and grandson.  They are a welcome addition to the family, whether or not my other daughter and granddaughter can join us as well.
4. I am grateful for the love and caring that everyone is expressing lately.  It renews my hope for improved conditions throughout the world.
5. I am grateful for the opportunity to do for others, in any way I can, large or small, and for the example my daughter sets with her own generosity.

Love and light.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

November 20, 2013 Musings

The household routines are finding a new normal as changes continue occurring.  I'm still writing 2-3000 words a night, and am on track to finish the 50,000 word challenge.  I rarely have less than two cats in a room with me at any given moment, and the boys take turns checking on me during the night.  I'm counting down the final days until I'm a full time writer and may have to do more pavement pounding for accounting work than I'd initially intended, but it's all good.

Still and all, I'm feeling a bit frustrated and had to have a firm talk with myself this morning about some of the negative energy I needed to offload immediately.  As a result, I had a smooth, if slow drive home tonight through slight drizzle which waited until I was snug inside with a kitty or two curled up in my lap before coming down with any intensity.  It was wonderful to sit in the living room, surrounded by the cats, listening to the rain beating on the roof. 

My appetite is waning again, and I made do with a bowl of lentil soup for dinner.  I'm ok with it as I never feel stuffed these days. 

I'm sticking to my routine to write from about 9 until about 11 every night, and have yet to actually sit in front of the computer with nothing coming out (knocking on wood and whatever else I need to do to keep the muses happy!).  Lately, I'm writing at least two chapters, and sometimes three during my nightly sittings.  Though I plan to do more writing this weekend, I also need to fit in grocery shopping and cleaning for the big day!  The rain on the roof makes me crave the after Thanksgiving turkey soup even more and the mere mention of it had my daughter making noises which assured me that she'd take some of it off my hands! (I don't know how to make a small pot of soup!) 

At work, I've dived into the process of training someone to do the things I've been doing, accounting-wise, and am hearing little murmurs about who they'll be giving the rest of my work to.  At this point, despite the initial conversation, I'm not counting on a lot of contract work from that direction, so anything I get will be a bonus.  Instead, I continue to hold the belief that everything is going to work out perfectly and let the hows come to me in their own time. 

To say I wasn't nervous would be a lie, but to fail to also admit that I'm incredibly excited would be tragic!  Today I was asked why I had to leave by the woman I was training.  I told her, in all honesty, that it was something I have to do for me, and if I don't do it now, I probably never will.  I know it is an enormous leap of faith, but what person who truly follows their dream doesn't do the same?  As I see it, as long as you are true to yourself and do what you really, truly, desperately want to do, you can't help but be successful.  You just have to make sure you're using the right thing to measure that success!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I have the courage to take a leap of faith...in myself.
2. I am grateful to the cats for continuing to offer me comfort and support.
3. I am grateful for rainy nights.
4. I am grateful for continued success on my novel.
5. I am grateful for passing days which get me closer to my dream.

Love and light.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

November 18, 2013 Letting go, moving on, but never forgetting.

Between the cold I've had since Thursday and the loss of my sweet girl, Loki, I lost a couple of days. 

In those two days I lost, I missed one day of my A.R.T. class, got behind on my 50,000 word challenge, had yet to pay bills, and was beginning to hit underwear critical. 

Although I didn't make it completely through the day at work today, with a combination of grief and swollen sinuses combining to kick my butt, I managed to pull everything out by tonight, and feel much better all the way around. 

I know that Loki is now in a better place.  She lived the life she was supposed to, as much as it seemed to suck from where I sat, since she spent a lot of time being sick. 

I spent some time relaxing in front of the TV, watching my favorite, Castle, while snuggling Dylan, Munchkin and Toby and feeding Toby, Dylan and Scooby their new favorite treats.

Realizing that I needed to get my act together and get things done, I got the sandboxes scooped and took out the trash, sorted and started laundry (which was ultimately finished a few minutes ago), set up the coffee pot for tomorrow (some things are not to be neglected!), paid bills, straightened the kitchen and got myself back on track for the 50,000 word challenge. 

Aside from the still stuffy head, I'm feeling pretty good and am better prepared to face the rest of the week. 

Work is getting busy as I respond to requests for information and try to pass on 5 years worth of knowledge in less than 3 weeks, but I have a great person to pass things on to, have written extensive desk instructions and will still be available as a resource after I leave, so I don't really expect any problems. 

I was going to say something about life eventually returning to normal, but frankly, I haven't a clue as to what normal is any more!  Each day presents more changes and challenges to take on.  But for the most part, I'm enjoying this adventure I'm on. 

If nothing else, when I lay my head on my pillow tonight and snuggle with my remaining kitties, I will do so feeling like I've made the most of my day, and am ready to make the most of tomorrow too!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the cats I have left who have been staying close to me tonight, snuggling quietly and letting me know I have their love and support.
2. I am grateful that I am no longer able to just veg my life away, allowing everything to deteriorate around me.
3. I am grateful for my daughter and son-in-law who are always there when I need them, and for my grand puppy and grand kitty who get so excited when they hear Grandma's voice (now, if Gwennie could just learn not to pee all over herself! :))
4. I am grateful for the beginning of the holiday season even though I have broken pattern and have not yet bought a single present!
5. I am grateful for the incredible outpouring of love I have experienced the last couple of days, and even more grateful that the world has so many people who love and appreciate animals.  There is hope!

Love and light.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

November 17, 2013 In loving memory of my sweet cat, Loki.

Today, I had to make one of the toughest decisions any animal lover had to make.  Or rather, I had to make the drive to the vet's office, knowing in my heart, that for this one, sweet, cat, it would be her last trip.

Loki joined our family in 2009, not long after we had lost another cat, Anastasia.  I was not really planning to get another cat, but as I looked at the cats in cages at Petsmart in Newbury Park, this little, fluffy, black ball of fur demanded my attention and began to tell me her life story as loudly and insistently as she could.  As I'm a sucker for a meow story, she had me at "meow!"

Loki was three years old when she joined our family, having been rescued from a hoarder by the rescue group from which we got her.  She had learned that if you wanted food, attention or anything else, the prize went to the loudest and pushiest, and she learned her lesson well.

Soon after she joined our household, she learned everyone's bad habits and made them her very own, hence the name, Loki, who was the Norse god of mischief.

She could be counted on to be the first at the food dish, the first to stand on top of me when I opened my eyes in the morning, the first to greet me at the door, and the first to use the sandbox after I'd emptied, cleaned and refilled it.

She was forever in my face when I was trying to eat, work, sleep, or anything else, and would poke her head around the shower curtain while I showered.

Not long after we got her, she went into renal failure, and it was touch and go for awhile.  She finally got back to normal, and the vet I'd been using at the time did not see fit to tell me that this wasn't a one-time thing due to a massive infection.  It was going to be a way of life for Loki, who'd started her life in less than optimal conditions.

For the last 4 years, we've seen her through many bladder and kidney infections, put her on and taken her off of medications, been through three vets plus a specialist and, at the last, were giving her subcutaneous fluids daily, phosphate blockers and potassium twice a day, pepcid once a day and an appetite stimulant every 3 days.  We even gave her shots of Darbepuetin in the last month or so to help stimulate red blood cells since the kidneys were no longer telling the bone marrow to do their job.

But in the end, it was giving her some more time to embed herself in our hearts, but merely prolonged the inevitable.

Yesterday, I had a sudden premonition that I was going to come home and find she'd passed, so I was immensely relieved to find her still doing as ok as she's been doing lately when I got home.  Yes, she'd peed on the floor and seemed to be getting weaker.  She had been a little wobbly for a couple of days.  Yes, she was starting to give me fits about eating, though she was still drinking water and taking a few treats.

But she still wanted to snuggle on the bed with me, though she no longer came out to the living room for snuggles.  She was still chattering at me, though more and more, it was a weaker chatter.

But today, I put her in the bathroom as I normally do with her bowl of food, so her brothers and sisters won't steal it.  I also added a bowl of water in case she decided to stay there for awhile.  It wasn't long before I heard her meowing to come out, but I had to try to get her to stay in there and eat something.

Suddenly, the meowing stopped, and I went in to check on her.  I found her lying against the door and not moving when I pushed the door open, except as the door moved her.  She'd urinated where she lay and was fairly limp...and my heart dropped to the floor.  Changing directions quickly, I called the vet and got an appointment, put her in a carrier and got myself together.

Arriving at the vet about 20 minutes early, I petted her inside her carrier until we were called.  After she was weighed, I held her in my arms, sitting in the chair in the examining room, waiting another 20 minutes or so for the vet (which, this time, was just fine with me!).  Holding her with her head next to my heart, knowing she was done, I still tried to hope.  She snuggled into me, almost as if she was the one comforting me, and totally out of character.  She was not one who liked to be held down!

At last, the vet came in and we spoke for a little bit.  She started to examine Loki and we continued discussing whether it was time to let her go.  Finally, Loki just took matters into her own paws and started having a seizure.  According to the vet, this is an indication that the kidneys are shutting down and there is really nothing left to do.

Even knowing ahead of time that she was not going to make it through the weekend did not make it any easier to say goodbye, and the other cats and I have spent the day, grieving in our own particular ways.  Some came and snuggled with me, others needed to just be alone or with the one they were closest to.

Loki's time was short and her time as part of my family, even shorter, but I know she chose me because she knew I'd do the best I could for her.  She will always have a place in my heart and is one of the many cats I've had the pleasure of being staff to, who has left an indelible paw print.  Losing her is harder than some, easier than others, but no less painful than any.

I know that somewhere down the line, Loki and I will meet again, and I only hope that I truly did the very best I could have done for her, because sometimes, I have my doubts.  Leaving her in the bathroom when she crashed like that will forever haunt me.  I don't remember her cry sounding any more upset or distressed than usual when I'd leave her in there to have time to eat, but maybe it was and I wasn't paying close enough attention.  Dylan and Toby were haunting the doorway, and just before I went in to check on her, Dylan had been poking at her under the door.  They knew before I did that the time had come.

I'm not alone in how strongly, deeply I get attached to my furry children.  I will always question whether I did enough for them, paid them enough attention, fed them the best foods and all.  But I will never doubt that every single one of them received my love.

The ladies in my A.R.T. class made a beautiful candle for Loki and sent me a picture today.  I don't have words, but here is a picture of their beautiful gift.  I had to miss today's class because I knew that my energy would not be good for everyone else, and I needed to be here for my grief, but also for that of my remaining furry children.  I love them for understanding and for caring.

So many of my friends are animal people (I guess that's really no surprise!) and the outpouring of love and support I've received today is incredibly heart warming.  I have no words to express my appreciation.

Without them, this would me a much harder path for me to walk.

In the process of coping with Loki's loss, I've lost the momentum I had to finish the 50,000 word challenge, but I won't minimize her value by failing to fulfill my promise to myself.  She wouldn't want me to just stop living after all she did to keep living.

But I also realize that the Universe continues to work in it's own, strange ways.  Loki's care took a lot of time and increasingly more money.  I spent a lot of time worrying about her, trying to coax her to eat, pushing meds down her throat and running her back and forth to the vet.  I believe the Universe put two things together this time.  Loki was allowed to stop having to work so hard to live and even then, with probably more pain than I ever knew, and I am now given the time to not only pay more attention to my other cats, but to fulfill the obligations I've made to myself.  Even those things which cause us pain happen for a reason.

Farewell, sweet Loki...until we meet again.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for all of the love and support I'm receiving.
2. I am grateful for the time Loki gave me, letting me know that she was ready to go.
3. I am grateful for the other cats with whom I am sharing my grief.
4. I am grateful for time alone to pull myself back together.
5. I am grateful to have had Loki in my life, no matter how briefly.

Love and light.

Friday, November 15, 2013

November 15, 2013 Listen to the body!

Last night, I started feeling crummy, and by the time I got home earlier than usual from a dance night, my voice was gone and I was clammy. 

Trying to figure out why my perfectly healthy body seemed to be having a meltdown, I settled on a couple of things.  First, I am probably not doing a complete disconnect when I do a healing (Heather had a migraine yesterday and I did a distance healing for her).  Second, I am stressing over getting everything done:  homework, daily writing, everything else I need to do before I leave my job, home stuff...and my body finally said "Enough!"   and did a minor shut down. 

After a fitful night's sleep in which I must have moved from bed to couch and back at least 3 times, I got up a little before 8, made a cup of tea with the manatee tea ball I'd gotten for my birthday and sat down to do some writing.  2700 words later, I'm still on track to meet my November 30, 50,000 word goal.  I also finished my homework, and, after checking in at work, put in a couple of hours there as well to respond to some pressing issues. 

I still got a nap in, ate the entire container of oatmeal cookies Heather brought me, watched a Christmas movie while snuggling the cats, and got Loki her meds both times today. 

But really the best part of the day was discovering that, even when I'm feeling under the weather, I still have the discipline to sit down and write at least a couple of thousand words.  Had it not been for the need to spend time finishing my homework, and the issues I needed to respond to for work, I'd have very likely written over 4000 words today (and the night is still young!)  I am definitely ready to have whole days when the only responsibility I have is to add words to my latest project!  Every opportunity I get to prove this to myself gives me that much more confidence in the decision I've made!

I love the fact that I do keep getting signs and reminders that I am truly on the right track and that whatever I do now is going to take me exactly where I want and need to go!  Even on a day like this when, by all rights, I should have been plopped in front of the tv, or wrapped up in a book with a cup of tea and my cats, I just couldn't sit still, doing nothing like that.  I had to be creating or accomplishing most of the day! 

I had something interesting happen over the last few days, though, and it gave me pause, including a bit of negative thinking before I gave myself permission to let it go and move one.

A few years ago, I was friends with another single mom from the band boosters.  She'd had a couple of issues and asked for my help which I gladly gave.  We stayed in touch until she met a man and started dating.  Suddenly, she seemed to forget my existence.  At the time I was pretty hurt by it all, and though she's on my Facebook list, she rarely even acknowledges my existence, even when I ask a direct question.  I had pretty much written this woman off when, out of the blue, I receive an email saying "I've finally published a book after six years, etc. etc. etc." with a link on where I could buy it! 

I guess I found it odd that she could ignore me until she felt I could be useful to her again.  After my initial bout of irritation, I took a step back, sent her good thoughts for the success of her book and focused my attention back onto what is important to me.

Will I send her a similar email when my first book is published?  Probably not.  But maybe she'll see me promoting it amongst all of the people who have been encouraging me on Facebook and check it out herself.  While I will appreciate it if she does, just as I will appreciate the attention it gets from every single person who might check it out, I won't give it any thought if she chooses to pass on it as I'm passing on her invitation to check hers out.  (to be honest, I'm reading nothing except work stuff and homework stuff right now until I finish the NaNoWriMo challenge!  I just don't have time for the distractions!)

Once again, I'm reminded to be mindful of the saying:  "People won't remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel."  And I'm working on weaving more random acts of kindness into my daily activities. 

Speaking kindly and respectfully to a sales clerk, holding a door open for someone, or any little thing we might do really does go a long way.  We truly do not know what is going on in that young woman who served us our coffee, or the checker at the grocery store's lives, but whether their life is rough or smooth, or somewhere in between, the smile on their face when you take a moment to truly show an interest in them as a person is priceless!  Though many people treat them like they're simply another store fixture, does that mean we all must? 

I used to marvel at how some of my friends seemed to really know the people who worked where they shopped.  Now, I realize that it was because, wherever they went, they treated everyone like they were important (and they are!).  I'm so glad that I finally understand what many tried to show me by example.  It's made the simple act of running my weekly errands a lot more joyful!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I have so many opportunities to be kind.
2. I am grateful that I have had so many wonderful examples which, once I opened my eyes, have always been there to teach me, if only I'm willing to learn.
3. I am grateful that I am still on track to meet the 50,000 word deadline at the halfway point.
4. I am grateful for all of the people who encourage me, even if some might think I'm completely crazy.
5. I am grateful for my daughter who, whatever the challenge, always rises to meet it.  She is a shining example of believing in yourself and doing what makes you happy.

Love and light.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

November 14, 2013 What not to do before going to sleep at night

Last night, after adding another 1400 or so words to my novel, I picked up my A.R.T. homework.  After answering the last of the questions which simply required an understanding of the reading, I turned to those which required some action on my part. 

The first one required me to get totally relaxed, then pass a miniature me through my body, looking at organs, digestive system, muscles, etc.  Despite the fact that I sat on the sofa (with the recliner of course so my feet were elevated) instead of laying on the bed as suggested, between all of the snuggling kitties (one rarely sits on a sofa or bed without them in my house!) who are sure to arrive for any energy work session anyway, and just the feeling of utter relaxation, it wasn't long before I was asleep, having gotten no further than relaxing all of the muscles, traveling up and down my arms and legs and starting down my throat to address the clump of mucus which was causing my voice to go into that pre-cold sexy range. 

The next thing I know, I'm waking up with Toby snuggled beside me, Scooby behind my head and Munchkin on my lap.  Loki was still in the bathroom where I'd left her with a bowl of wet food after getting her meds, or she would have joined the party too. 

After cleaning up the few things in the kitchen and turning off lights, I decided to make it an early night (it was only 11:00!) since I was already so relaxed.  Let me tell you, this was a very bad idea!!!

For reasons beyond my comprehension, my subconscious decided to unleash a series of increasingly disturbing dreams upon my relaxed and defenseless self. 

The earliest ones are bare glimmers of memory now, but involved murder, mayhem and several kill or be killed scenarios.  But the one shortly before I woke to begin my day was quite bizarre.

I walked into some kind of inn or rooming house, and as I was entering a man was slipping out the door.  He was vaguely familiar in a disturbing sort of way, but I couldn't quite put my finger on why. 

In the dream, I was probably early 20's and just starting out on my own, surrounded by other young women like me.  Although this seemed to take place at an earlier time in history, in a rather old-fashioned town which could have been in Europe or perhaps the East Coast of the United States, though it wasn't any place I recognized. 

Throughout the dream, I found myself in rather odd situations.  One involved the women's restroom in the inn which offered no privacy for anyone using the facilities.  While I was using the restroom, a diminutive man with rather sneaky eyes came in and started sweeping non-existent dirt into a dust bin with a long handle.  I felt like I should report him to the management but noticed that the other women thought nothing of his being there, so I kept it to myself, despite being very creeped out.

Later, I found out why the man I saw while entering the inn looked familiar.  He was the valet for a man I had apparently met before coming to this city.  The man had a very high opinion of himself and could not understand why his attentions were not appreciated by me or any of the other women he approached. 

The scene changed and it seemed I'd been abducted by the creepy man and brought to his employer in an apartment in another part of the city.  Going through a pile of books, he asked me what I wanted to read.  Not understanding what it was he wanted, I picked a book, then opened my purse to surreptitiously check the time on my cell phone.  Although it was an older style flip model, it didn't really fit the time period and even my dream self found it strange.

Shortly thereafter, two other women appeared in this apartment, and it wasn't long before we made our escape.  Unfortunately, we found ourselves in an unfamiliar part of the city and were kind of running around in circles trying to figure out how to get back to the inn before he discovered we were gone.  The three of us had different ideas of which direction to go and how to find our way back.  Although we asked a man who seemed to be some kind of constable, his instructions didn't make sense to us.  When I woke up, we were standing in front of an ancient stone building, arguing over which direction we should take.

And I've yet to complete the microscopic tour of myself!

My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful that I woke from that craziness feeling well-rested and ready to start my day.
2. I am grateful for dreams which make me go "hmmm" because, eventually, I'll get the message they were trying to impart.
3. I am grateful for my A.R.T. training which allows me to send some healing when friends or family are hurting.
4. I am grateful to be closing in on the end of the first of 4 weeks left of full-time work in someone else's office.
5. I am grateful for time to write, contemplate and plan.

Love and light.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

November 12, 2013 Taking it one step at a time.

I woke up this morning, feeling like I had increased my body awareness.  I'm not sure if it is because of the cranial-sacral session I had last night, but I found myself kind of checking in with what's going on with my physical self.

First, I noticed that the spot of tension which seems to live on the right side of my middle back seems to be radiating both up and down.  My right shoulder, especially, is feeling quite tight, but I can also feel the tension in the hip area on my back.

I'm thinking that I have some sort of realignment going on which may take some time to settle in.

I also woke up feeling extremely hungry, but after going through my usual morning routine, the feeling passed.    (That's not to say that I didn't make fairly short work of the breakfast I brought with me to work!)

I also woke with the feeling that I'm already starting to disconnect from my job, but not entirely from my own actions and intentions.  Although I'm now jumping out of bed, ready to get moving and into the office, I'm getting feelings from my co-workers that they're ready to just take over the tasks they will be assuming and that, to them, I'm already somewhat extraneous, at least with regard to tasks they feel comfortable assuming.

This may just be my own process of disconnecting, but the next few weeks (or 17 work days at this point) should prove interesting.  In the meantime, I will do a lot of organizing and clearing out of things which have accumulated over the nearly 6 years I've occupied this position.

After I typed that last sentence, it occurred to me that this, too, is part of the process of decluttering my life.  I'm letting go of a lot of things which are directly related to things in my life with which I've lived and which I've believed in for a very long time.  I'm realizing that some were part of my learning process, others were part of my survival, but are no longer necessary, and still others were simply a means to an end until all of the rest was in order for me to take the next step.

I find myself waking up with thoughts of my book running through my head.  Which part of the story will I take up with when I next start writing?  What direction will it take?  Bits and pieces will start forming, some to be filed away and used later, others discarded.  One such thought, this morning, struck me as too "Star Wars" and was quickly overwritten with an idea which, I believe, at least for now, will work better.  But as the story is coming out in its own way and time, it's entirely possible that this morning's scenario will never make it past the errant thought.

I also find, when I get up in the morning, that I'm anxious to sit down and write, even knowing that, for now, I have to take the time to write when I can get it, as I still have other responsibilities to fulfill, and they seem to keep piling up, the more I take on. 

As the day progressed, the tension in my back came to a head between 4 and 5 o'clock.  At one point, I was so knotted up that I sat back in my chair and just drew energy into my heart center, then sent it out to my neck, shoulders and back.  Now, at about 9:30, there's still some tension, but it's starting to release.  It seems to be centered in my neck and between my spine and my right shoulder blade.  (I'm sure my A.R.T. buddies are going to have a field day with this, but I hope they know that I appreciate their input!)

Had some good laughs with my manicurist/friend and I'm sure that helped to remove some of the tension in my back.  I still think that some of it has to do with last night's session and is connected with the release of some energies.   As a result, I'm doing some of the energy exercises; bounces, heart centered charging of my own energies and such, to try to clear things.   I may try a "toilet flush" later tonight as well. 

With all of the kitties hovering around me, I am pretty sure there are some major energy releases going on.  The main thing is understanding that this is all part of the process I am going through to clear my own garbage and make me a good conduit for facilitating healing in others.  Until I have decluttered myself, I am not going to be very effective for others.

Overall, I'm finding that I feel pretty overwhelmed right now, trying to keep up with my writing assignment, getting things organized for when I leave my job (and that, alone, is certainly causing me stress, despite my best efforts to let the excitement over this change override the scariness of it).  My homework is still only partially done for this weekend, though the reading is mostly finished.  Although I'm on track with the writing, it's not coming as easily this week, and I really want to get to the halfway point in the next day or two so that I'm ahead of the game before this weekend. 

And so I keep reminding myself:  One foot in front of the other.  That's all you can do.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to have been introduced to A.R.T. at just the right time.
2. I am grateful for the courage to take leaps of faith...and to have faith in myself that I will succeed in the grandest manner possible.
3. I am grateful that I am close to the halfway point on my 50,000 word novel.
4. I am grateful for the continued love and support of my family and friends, even if they think I've lost my mind.
5. I am grateful that I am able to love and support my family and friends, giving back a little when they are all giving me so much!

Love and light