August 31, 2011 Old dog, same tricks

You think you've learned your lessons, but then, some of them come back to kick your teeth in all over again! 

I've started attending the two-step lessons on Wednesday nights again, now that everything seems to be back in order, physically.  There is a gentleman who is a really nice dancer that I've gotten to know a little from the Wednesday night lessons.  Tonight, we talked at length during the beginner class (in hindsight, mostly about him), did the lesson, and danced a few dances between and after the lessons, talking a bit in between. until Heather walked up and we started talking about the fundraiser for Pink Paws.  Suddenly, he says "thanks for the dances", almost like he was dismissing me, and walked away.  He spent the rest of the evening dancing with another of the ladies there, then walked her to her car.

Now, I haven't any designs on the man, I just enjoy dancing with him.  So what did I do wrong this time?  Admittedly, if he asked me out for coffee or something, I'd probably accept, as he seems like someone who would make a nice friend and occasional dance partner.  He was even complaining about how slow he picks things up because he doesn't have anyone to practice with.  I told him that he could have his pick of practice partners if he wanted!  I get the impression, on the one hand, that he doesn't want any complications in his life, but on the other hand, he gives me these dreamy, half lidded looks, and holds me a little closer than necessary when we dance.

Where the failure to learn a lesson comes in is that this isn't the first time a guy gave me mixed signals and I read them wrong.  Also, damn it all, my feelings were a bit hurt by the sudden change in the way the wind was blowing!   It left me wondering if I had done something to cause him to back off like that, or if it was just something in him?
Sadly, I really enjoy dancing with him, but don't know if I'll be able to feel comfortable with him after this.  But sheesh!  It's a dance, not a date!

On the bright side, I got lots of exercise tonight as there were about twice as many men as women in the class.  I wish the ratio was that good on Thursdays and Saturdays!  So I definitely got the exercise the doctor is prescribing!  Killer lesson with a killer pattern!

Love and light. 

August 30, 2011 Diet update: Now this is more like it!

So, for the moment, I've made up for the slow start and am now down 6 pounds since the end of July.  Although it's still slow, I'm feeling less discouraged, mostly because it's not as hard as I thought it would be, I don't miss the foods I gave up, and I'm feeling better, overall.  I'm not as achy when I get up in the morning before I've worked out the kinks of laying relatively still all night.  I have more energy, which is interesting as having more energy means I move more which is supposed to be a good thing as I have been told repeatedly "move more, eat less".  Interestingly, I didn't think I was all that good last week, and missed two nights of dancing, but I apparently made up for it, either in the preceding couple of weeks, or just overall.  In fact, the nutritionist jokingly asked me if I'd like to teach one of her classes. 

Love and light

August 29, 2011 Another Holy Trinity

As I was leaving work today, I spotted an SUV with the words "Faith"  and "Hope" on its back window.  My first thought was "where is "Love"?"  Then, in the usual convoluted manner my mind thinks, it occurred to me that these three words are truly what should be known as the Holy Trinity.  Isn't this what it's really all about? 

Further pondering led me to the realization that, in many cases, religion simply gives people a reason to band together as a community.  Many people I know belong to a church or temple, attend services regularly, and participate in activities but what they really have is a community which will be there for them in times of need and in times for rejoicing.  For the most part, the same thing could be accomplished in a less organized fashion with a large and devoted circle of friends.  My parents seemed to make up for the lack of a religious community in their lives with a circle of friends, but it seems that I did not learn what they knew in this regard.  Although I have been part of a circle several times over the years, I seem to have either discarded, been discarded by, or we just left each other behind by most of those people.

Thus, the lesson I am seeking in the coming weeks and months is to develop a new community for myself where I can learn and experience the give and take that exists within such a group, regardless of the reasons it may have formed in the first place.

Love and light.

August 26, 2011 When jumping to conclusions, look before you leap

Funny thing about jumping to conclusions, the landing is rarely pleasant.  In fact, our brains should have a warning system that says something like "when preparing to jump to conclusions, look twice, don't leap, look again, don't leap...." repeat as needed until the moment passes and you are once more behaving like a rational human being.

I didn't follow that wonderful, if belated advice this week, despite warnings from two friends, and when I leaped, what I landed in was no more than I deserved but, in a word, YUK!  As I was cautioned, I didn't have all of the facts, I didn't choose my words carefully, and though I was much calmer by the time a face to face discussion ensued to sort things out, the damage has been done.  My only hope is that I can prevent the damage from being too far-reaching, but I've definitely damaged my own reputation, and for that I am, of course, kicking myself from here to Sunday.    In my own defense, I did manage to allow myself to cool off before writing the damaging email, or it would have been a great deal worse.  I also went in prepared to listen and thus, avoided making a suggestion I had in mind which would have made me look even less competent.  So I guess I can say that, although I have a long way to go, I really have made some progress over the last few years, and when I do go off, it's only fractionally cocked instead of half or full. 

At any rate, I've given myself food for thought, and am going to cogitate on the whole affair for some time, so as to remind myself to stop being my own worst enemy when what I really should be is my own best friend! 

Just another lesson to be learned, I guess.  What would life be if we just knew it all and behaved perfectly every time anyway?  Boring!

Love and light

August 24, 2011 Diet update: Are they kidding???

So, it is now 2 days shy of a month on this low carb deal and what do I have to show for it?  Are my clothes falling off of me now, forcing me to start wearing the less fluffy clothes in my closet?  Am I seeing my svelte self shining through?  Are bones I haven't seen in eons starting to reappear?

Well, the simple answer is, NO.  Instead, I've managed to lose a whopping 3 pounds in that month, although, to be honest, I'd dropped 4 before I even started this nonsense!  Have I been 100% faithful to the rules?  No,.  But I'm finding that some of the things I've given up (like, for instance, rice) just don't taste good to me any more.  Have I increased my movement?  Absolutely!  So how am I stuck at 3 lousy pounds in 4 weeks?  Where is the justice in all of this?  OK, so I do feel better, more energetic and less lethargic.  Even as I'm missing certain foods, eating them is another story as they just don't sound good any more!  I sometimes mourn the loss of my brown rice and enchiladas, but truth be told, I'd rather have a chicken breast and a plate of steamed veggies.  For that, alone, I should be seeing faster results.  I'm not asking to lose 30 pounds a month, but THREE????  Seriously???  I can hear all of the platitudes about changing my behaviour forever and such, but the fact of the matter is, 3/4 of a pound a week is what you do when you only have 5 or 10 left to lose, right?  And then, I hear that it's going to take me nearly 2 years to drop what I only conservatively believe will get me to a healthy weight?  I get discouraged just thinking about it!

OK, this is beginning to sound like a whine-fest, and anyone who knows me is aware of just how much I dislike whining!  So on to something more interesting.

This weekend is another AHS reunion and I'm sure hoping Joleen and Ross can make it in from NV and AZ respectively.  I'm also hoping to see MPP (aka Miss Perky Pom Poms) again! The last visit was fun, but way too short!  I might even give up a night of dancing to just hang with her and some of my other classmates (amazing, huh?).  Even more of my class have indicated they're coming and that's very exciting as the bulk of the meets have been older classmates up to now.  It's always fun to see who else will show this time, too. 

I had intended to write more later tonight, but as there are some things I need to sleep on rather than rant about right now, I'll just bring today's post to a close.

Love and light.

August 23, 2011 The amazing subconscious

So I've been following the low carb, high protein and veggie diet prescribed by my nutritionist for nearly a month now.  The first two weeks were, to put it mildly, quite disappointing.  I lost a single pound and a percent of body fat.  So she told me to increase my activity or eat less protein.  Yikes!  I've already given up brown rice, potatoes and bananas!  So I added the Wednesday night dance class back to my schedule (thankfully, the Levaquin induced tendon pain was mostly gone!) and have, in the last couple of weeks, walked all over the Ventura County Fair, done some gardening, scrubbed floors, worked for at least 3 hours a week at cat adoptions, including helping tear down the cages, and even taken a walk during the day now and then.  What I'm trying to say in 10,000 words or more is that this whole thing is clearly on my mind in a big way.  So big, in fact, that I woke up this morning with a dream still very vivid in my mind.  The dream took place in my mind's weird version of Vegas, but I remember looking in the mirror and seeing my collarbone standing out quite prominently, something it hasn't done in years, I might add.  There was a scale set up in a hallway and people were waiting in line to use it.  The first time I got on it, it showed that I weighed what I did when this whole change of diet thing started.  I remember thinking "that can't be right!  I can see my collarbone!"  So I got back on the scale, it registered differently (what, so it was Vegas and even the scales were slot machine wannabee's?).  I got excited because I'd lost 68 pounds!  Now, why 68 and not 70 or 65 or 100 for that matter?  I don't know.  But I do know that I woke up thinking "I'd be happy to lose 68 pounds if that's what it's going to be."    So is this my subconscious actually coming to the surface and expressing an intention?  Have I lost control and some other piece of my cosmic pie is now taking charge?  Like any other goal or intention I've set lately, I know it doesn't mean that when I start getting close to the goal, I can't set another one, but my past history has been to set smaller, more manageable goals.   And where is Miss Perky Pom Poms when I need her?

So is this the wave of my future?  Larger goals with longer timelines?   Less instant gratification and more walking the path to greater achievements?  One thing is for certain, life never manages to be boring!

But wait!  Intentions are intentions, right?  Regardless of how they're expressed.  Ok, I'll take it!  (This after eating about a pound of shrimp, some mini marshmallows and then baking a pan of brownies I can't eat for a potluck on Thursday!)  I'm also finding that the rice I used to just love doesn't even taste good any more.  How's that for weird?  Have my taste buds been taken over by aliens?  Have the intentions taken control of what tastes good now?  I guess this and other questions will be answered over the next few months!

Love and light

August 22, 2011 Trying my patience: the lesson that keeps on giving.

Clearly the Universe thinks I need additional practice in thinking first and spitting nails as a last resort.  The last few days have certainly given me ample opportunity to review said lesson over and over and over....ad infinitum, ad nauseum.  (hmmm, blogspot doesn't recognize Latin!  How novel!)

Now I have to wonder how long my calm, systematic approach will keep the dam from breaking for someone who just wants a fight?  But as I know too well, it takes two, and I have to be the one to stop the madness.  Thankfully, I do have backup should I need it, and support as long as I keep icing the flames.  But it's so very sad that work ethic is a foreign concept to so many people, and drama seems to be the career of choice, regardless of the stage some folks find themselves standing upon.  If I want drama, I'll turn on NCIS which at least has humor thrown in to keep it from becoming dreary!  The day in, day out "poor me" syndrome gets boring so fast!  If you're going to bring me drama, at least make it entertaining, and have a couple of handsome hunks to satisfy my eye candy craving!

OK, Universe, please help me stay calm and professional and attract calm, professional people who maintain reasonable control over their personal lives so they don't cause eruptions elsewhere.  But for now, I'll just cuddle my cats whose idea of drama is to fall headfirst into a printer box, only to scale a larger stack and come crashing down, bouncing off the sewing machine and taking various odds and ends to their final destination on the floor.

In the meantime, I'll practice my "wax on, wax off" and try to catch a fly with a pair of chopsticks!

Love and light.

August 19, 2011 This and that

I have learned something very interesting this week.  Drama cannot exist in a vacuum.  If someone tries to bring drama into my world and I refuse to rise to the occasion, as it were, the drama dies a very quiet death.  Since I've discovered that I like excitement in my life but not the excitement generated by drama (unless, of course, it is confined to the area behind and, perhaps, slightly in front of, the proscenium), it is essential to allow the brain to engage before reacting to idiocy.  I'm still a bit on the slow side in this regard, but even throttling back the reaction a bit after the fact is still effective.  It appears that a rant against a calm surface may as well be a rant against a brick wall in an empty room.  Thus I have discovered that in order to keep drama to a minimum in my own life, I must find my calm place when dramatic beings seek to encroach into my space and be, in a zen kind of way, that brick wall in an empty room while they rant themselves hoarse.  Not only that, if I refrain from becoming part of the drama, efforts on the part of the ranter are far less effective when attempts are made to pull outsiders into their rant who might then expect me to respond.  I've also learned that ranters really do NOT like to be told that their rant was inappropriate!

The obvious advantage to this approach is that I don't get pulled into whatever their drama might be, but the less obvious benefit is that, days later, I can look back at the whole thing (if I even choose to, of course) and laugh at how ridiculous it was.  I am also very grateful that, as long as it may have taken for me to figure this out and stop getting sucked in, I did finally realize that I do not have to be a player in someone else's scene. 

We all have a certain amount of control over the roles we choose to play in our lives.  Some we choose by default because we have lessons to learn, and because we have not yet learned the one which teaches us that it's ok to decline a role.  Others we might play because in the rush and excitement of the moment, we get caught up and forget to read the role through before we accept or decline.  And granted, there are times, no matter how much we learn, when we give in to peer pressure, or just wanting to hang with our friends.  Either way, as I've said before, choices aren't "smart" or "stupid".  They are simply choices made when we reach some kind of crossroad which requires us to choose.  It could be something simple like "Cheerios or Fruit Loops?" or something with a far more lasting effect like "Jump off the bridge or drive carefully down the mountain?".  Either way, the decision we make will have an effect on us.   And more, we get to choose what will and will not affect us in the long term.

I was asked a couple of times this week how my writing is going.  I had to answer that I haven't touched the book in awhile, and am feeling a bit guilty about it, but just haven't felt that I had anything relevant to add right now.  Although I am managing to keep up this blog, again, it's not a daily occurrence right now.  But I've chosen to focus attention on other things, like, for instance, my remodel, and have redirected my energies at the moment.  And because I've left it for this long, I'm going to have to re-read what I've already written to get myself back in gear, but I feel the muse awakening so I suspect that a few pages will be added sooner rather than later. 

Another lesson I've learned this week: There are some things which elicit a passionate response which should be written about immediately so as not to lose the emotional strength of the matter, while others should be left to percolate at least overnight, and possibly longer, until they can be put into perspective.  Those are the ones which would end up as a rant if processed immediately, and while the occasional rant is healthy, some are best tempered with a little time and rational thinking.

I find myself feeling a great deal of gratitude for the opportunity to learn and recognize the lessons I've been given recently, and to recognize those I learned over the years, but didn't necessarily acknowledge.  I am reminded of the line from one of my favorite songs: "Life's a dance, you learn as you go.  Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow."

Love and light

August 15, 2011 Out of the quiet comes...

I realize that my writing has been less than prolific over the last few days (ok, nonexistent!) as I've been struggling to follow this new diet plan that the nutritionist gave me (protein, fruit, veggies and more veggies!) as well as adding more activity to my routine.  I have managed another night of dancing and walked all over the fair on Friday, but, I admit that I ate some things which weren't exactly in the plan!  And, of course, brunch with Heather on Sunday was yummy, and included a couple of things I should normally avoid, but today was much better, so I'm hoping it will all balance out.  And I bought a ton of fresh veggies at TJ's today, so I will be better able to stick to plan this week!  I do find that I have more energy as I'm not weighting myself down with carbs, and I was able to work the whole day at cat rescue, including breaking down the cages.  The Levaquin has clearly left the building as it is easier every day to walk, dance, bend, stretch, and all of the lovely things I was taking for granted before my tendons started screaming for mercy!  One thing is for certain, I won't take things like walking and crouching down to pick up one of the innumerable things I've dropped during my daily activities for granted any more!  I crouch to pick something up or skritch one of the cats and offer up a great, big "Thank you!" each and every time!  I wake in the morning having had another night of sleep free of leg pain, and express my gratitude.  I come home after walking all over the fair and dancing through the concert, and acknowledge my blessings loudly and proudly.

Maintaining the gratitude along with a mental youthfulness makes every day a new adventure.  I look in the mirror these days and am astounded at the beauty and the glow radiating from within myself.  Although it seemed a bit silly when I first started telling myself, I realize that I truly am madly in love with myself, and can't help but tell myself so every chance I get!  If it were another human being, wouldn't we all make sure they knew?  So is it any less important to remind ourselves?  We need the love, the acceptance, the appreciation and the forgiveness as much as anyone else does.   And if we can't give those things to ourselves, how are others going to realize that we really do deserve them?  We don't need neon signs to proclaim this.  We are our own best advertisement by the gleam in our eye and the glow of our skin.

And after spending about 3 hours today with the lady who first introduced me to "The Secret" and seeing how much she glows too, (and doesn't look a day over 30, either!) I know that we've both found the real secret, and live it and love it every day!

So let's start gleaming and glowing!

Love and light.

August 8, 2011-Never confuse silence with peace and quiet...

It's been an interesting few days during which I just wasn't able to find words to put on screen, so I've just let things percolate.  The brick wall came down on Saturday, so the house has been a complete disaster with all of the indoor cats residing in my bedroom and bathroom until the brick and ensuing mortar dust are cleaned up (hopefully by tomorrow).  Least happy of the bunch is Scooby who desperately wants to be sleeping in his mommy's bed, followed closely by Patches who is quite incensed at having her haven disturbed 24/7 by the rest of the brood.  Least bothered is Munchkin who seems quite content to make herself a nest in the middle of my bed and snuggle against my back through the night.  Little do they realize that this is nothing compared to when they'll need to be confined in cages while the back wall is knocked out and flooring is laid.  No way will I risk having one of my little escape artists getting loose and running through the construction zone!

Meanwhile, tensions continue, but I've been using my meditations to seek calm places and gentle ways to address and resolve the issues.  They've also allowed me to gain some insight into the cause and effect.  A competition is trying to evolve into full blown war for one person's time, and it is both unnecessary and counter productive.  But I'm beginning to understand why certain situations occurred in the first place.  Above all, it will be up to me to take some initiative and hope that I can do so gently enough to allow all parties to walk away relatively happy.  At least, in recent years, I've learned, to some degree, to think things through before just diving in with both feet and agitating the waters to tidal wave proportions. Another tribute to the fact that I have been learning to love and forgive myself, and accept others as they are, while still denying anyone the right or the opportunity to involve me in things I don't like or cause feelings in me which I choose not to experience.  This is not to say that the feelings don't creep in now and then.  Just that I consciously dispel them and, if necessary, take action to stop them from continuing to try to insinuate themselves into the peaceful environment I've chosen for myself.  I am not, nor will I ever be akin to the Dalai Lama or Mother Teresa, who could stand in the midst of a raging storm and be neither dampened nor buffeted.  I do feel the pressure and get knocked around a bit on occasion, but the experiences strengthen my awareness of those things which are disharmonious with my resonance, and I take steps to leave them behind me. 

Came home tonight and spent some time in my room with the cats, although most of them didn't seem to want to snuggle.  But I think just being in there with them rather than leaving them locked in while I was elsewhere in the house made a difference.  I'll be so glad when the brick is cleaned up and I can let them roam freely throughout the house again, though not half as glad as they will be, I'm sure!

Love and light.

August 4, 2011 Pondering patience

As I reflect upon another cherished evening spent with my granddaughter, Serenity who I am seeing more and more in the last couple of months, I am seeing just how much I've learned about patience and about choosing not only the words, but when to speak them, and when to know that something is best left unsaid.  My daughter is becoming quite insistent about finding time in our mutually busy schedules to let Sera get to know her grandmother.  Although her first year and a half of life was quite tumultuous for her mother and me, leading to an even greater estrangement than ever, I know that pointing this out would simply lead to harsh words and less time for grandmother and granddaughter.  I've learned that some sleeping dogs are best left to snooze when it would preclude my being part of this delightful child's life.  And as I let the past stay there, Jenni unbends more and more, even allowing Sera to come to our house and meet the cats.  She was particularly enamored of Dylan who, true to his mellow nature (unless there's a mouse involved!) lay on the floor and let Sera pat and poke him to her heart's content.  Even an accidental foot to the tail didn't really phase him, and the pats were as gentle as a two-year-old's coordination could manage.  It was fun to watch her interacting with the cats, climbing up onto the sofas to give whoever was already there hugs and kisses, and scampering around, investigating the house.  Although Toby and Scooby were less than appreciative of little feet scaring them away from their food and water bowls as the investigation continued, I know they'll get over it, and certainly won't starve or go thirsty!  Toby finally let me hold him so Sera could give him pats, but he tends to take a little while to get to know people anyway, and she's the first little one any of them have experienced. 

At any rate, I'm looking forward to some summer evenings at the park with my granddaughter, perhaps with a picnic dinner as well. 

Learning patience, if nothing else, has earned me some granddaughter time, which makes the rewards for the lesson beyond anything I could possibly have imagined.  Most lessons don't necessarily come with any reward at all, and so many come with pain to make us remember them well, so how can I not be immensely grateful for one with such a delightful reward? 

Although Jenni plans to move to Northern Cal sometime between now and when Sera starts nursery school, we have time to establish our bond so that visits will most assuredly be in our future, despite the move to help her mommy pursue her culinary career. 

I am so grateful that I've had the opportunity, albeit very late in my life, to learn some patience!

Love and light

August 2, 2011 Gratitude revisited

More and more, these days, I find that the subject of gratitude comes up.  With some people, it is a constant part of their lives and, no matter what happens, they will always find something to feel grateful for.  I see myself in this group, by choice and by practice. 

There are others who just expect, and no matter how much they're given and how often people include them, share with them and are kind to them, they find reason to complain, demand, expect and even be downright rude when they don't receive exactly what they believe they deserve. 

In debating how to handle a situation with someone of the second category, I am reminded of a story I heard recently.  A mother and her young child were in a store.  The child was willfully and belligerently misbehaving, including pulling greeting cards out of their slots and throwing them on the floor.  The mother told the child that if she didn't stop, she wouldn't buy her the book she wanted.  The child looked the mother in the eye, picked up another card and dropped it on the floor.  Now, at this point, you'd expect the mother to pick the child up, take her out of the store and warm her behind, right?  In this case, much to the amazement of her fellow customers, she picked the child up, took the book to the register, paid for it and left with the child, leaving behind a number of people wearing expressions of stunned disbelief. 

Now, I doubt that any parent is 100% consistent when teaching their children to be good people, but I wonder how many obnoxious adults were raised in this "path of least resistance" manner?  Although I did not raise my children that way and, for the most part, they learned to behave themselves in public, I find myself holding back from voicing my expectations now.  Part of it lies in the fact that I choose to live my life more peacefully now, and wherever possible, avoid unnecessary confrontations, but part of it lies in my perceived expectations of how the whole thing will play out, and possible undesirable results affecting other people which could come out of this issue.  I do know that, whatever happens, should I choose to raise the issue, I need to keep my cool despite the reactions of the other party.  I will also have to choose the time and place carefully to minimize said undesirable results.

Does this quandary make me seem like something I have always fought against?  A wishy washy, namby pamby doormat?  I don't believe so.  In the past, I would have, and would have hit the confrontation with both feet, fists flying and mouth engaged before brain, but one of the things I've learned is that we don't need to be the bad guy to resolve a situation where we are being treated disrespectfully any more than we should allow it to continue.  The best solution to any problem is to find a way to resolve it so everyone wins, and I choose to hold off on addressing this one until I can find at least a starting point to do just that.    I've also found that when I have something like this on my mind, it will find its way into my meditations and possible solutions will start to form.  I'm very pleased that I gave up my old "baby with the bathwater" ways and actually am learning to engage the brain, quiet the emotions and act instead of react.  And in so doing, I hope I'm filling up my patience vault because, as the house progresses, I know I'm going to need to dig deep into that vault to keep from making myself and everyone around me crazy! 

Speaking of which, I need to call the contractor tomorrow to find out whether the plans have been submitted to the city yet.  The pod is in my front yard and I'm hoping the kids will get back to work on the brick wall soon, so the only thing left is to get the plans approved, start the demo and get this puppy rolling!  I plan on cooking Thanksgiving dinner in my new kitchen and serving it in my new, larger living room, so it's time to stop burning daylight, hitch the buggy up and roll on out!  :)

Love and light.

August 1, 2011 Holy cow! We're in the eighth month of the year already!

After my political rant yesterday, I'm happy to say that I've calmed down and feel comfortable in having gotten it off my chest.  I'm not typically a very political person, in fact, politics tends to bore me, but the truth laundering has really reached a point where only someone whose head was sunk 10 feet into the sand would fail to notice.  Thus, even a disbeliever in the system like myself will have to, once in awhile, have something to say.

It does, however, tend to really abrade now that my attitude leans more towards finding something, anything positive about a situation, because, frankly, aside from the entertainment value engendered by a bunch of highly paid stupid people, doing their best to make the rest of us feel stupider while trying to hide their real agenda, I just can't find much good in the whole thing.  So I just say to everyone in Washington, if you're going to behave like pigs, my dears, I shall have nothing more to do with you!  And, I do NOT need a pig, here! :)


Besides, I have much better things to think about as I'm getting text updates from Heather about the imminent birth of her best friend's son, and I will get to spend an early second birthday with my granddaughter on Wednesday.  Both occasions are far more pleasant than politics any day of the week! 


Apparently, my granddaughter is into trains at the moment, so I found a ride on teaching toy that's a little train.  Her mommy insists that she will love it! 


And wonderful news on the Levaquin tendon front.  I am again able to crouch down, bending my knees, and also to get up and down from chairs without having to gear myself up for 5 minutes before heaving and ho'ing my way up and out.  While running errands today, I wasn't even having to carefully position myself with both feet on the ground before getting in and out of the car!  This sort of thing really makes me appreciate all of the little things I was taking for granted.  I get up every morning, and am grateful for being able to move more freely again.  Believe me, I won't take the simple act of getting out of a chair for granted again!  I was so fortunate to catch the problem in time, before any permanent damage could occur.  I still approach a situation like my perpetual case of dropsies, cautiously when I have to crouch down to pick up whatever I've managed to lose this time, but when I do get down to the ground and back up without pain, I find myself saying a silent "thank you".  And of course, because I'm already spending a lot of time being grateful, more things are going my way as well.  I'm catching more green lights, even getting off the freeway to go to work.  I just sail through the offramp and all subsequent lights between there and my office.  Clearly, the Universe hears my gratitude and gives me more and more things to be grateful for. 


Another week of silence with regard to the house, though.  I'm starting to sweat getting it done before Thanksgiving, but with luck, once things get going, they'll move quickly.  Meanwhile, it gives me time to pay the line down and focus on spending less every month.  (although the holidays are coming!  I'm really going to have to reign myself in this year!)  Heather's birthday is already handled with the concert tickets.  I have Sera's gift already and Jenni will probably just get a check.  She doesn't share my taste in music anyway, so this way she can get what she wants for herself.  Although I'm hoping to get a birthday dinner out of the girls this year.  Time will tell. 


I'm trying very hard to respect her right to raise her child as she sees fit, and Sera seems both happy and healthy.  I know that I resented my mother's suggestions, and have no reason to doubt Jenni would resent mine as well.   I'm grateful that I'm getting to be a part of her life, and that Jenni is encouraging her to get to know her blood family now.  That's enough.  And Jenni is learning that giving respect gets it back.  As she stops bracing herself for the worst with me, we are actually starting to enjoy each others' company, albeit in small doses for now. 


Although patience has never been my strong suit, it is truly giving the best results, so I shall persevere.  Who says you can't teach an old dawg new tricks?


Love and light.

July 31, 2011 Thoughts on our times vs. Shakespeare's times

Tonight we went to see the second of the two summer plays performed by the Kingsman Shakespeare Company.  I really enjoy these outings as we typically meet up with a group of people, spread out our blankets and set up our chairs to have a picnic and a chat before the play begins.  Tonight was no different.  However, I am finding that I pay a lot more attention to the plays and their content than I did when I was in high school and performing said plays.  Now, I am more cognizant of the social commentary Shakespeare made in the form of entertainment.

The first play we saw, Taming of the Shrew, was a glaring insight into the reality that women of the time were really little more than chattel to be married off as soon as possible so they were no longer a burden on their fathers.  Their job was to be obedient to men, regardless of the abuse suffered at the hands of their "lord and master".  Thankfully, we've come a long way from that, at least in most "civilized" countries.  That is not to say that this archaic, demeaning and cruel attitude doesn't still exist in parts of the world, but the fact that it is no longer accepted in many parts of the world is definitely a credit to humanity coming to its senses.

Tonight, we saw Merchant of Venice which really hit hard on the abuse which was inflicted upon the Jews and condoned by the Christians who seemed to see it as their duty under their G-d to berate, abuse, and otherwise mistreat anyone who didn't share their beliefs.  (ok, so the Christians, for the most part, have toned it down in recent years, there are still the Muslims and countless others who see us as less than human.  And this doesn't even take into account the other groups/races/religions who are also seen as beneath others simply for their beliefs. )

Driving home, the kids and I talked about this, as well as about the lovely debt crisis currently baffling our legislators, so soon after they supposedly settled the budget crisis.  What I want to know is, what legitimate issues are they hiding from us, other than the fact that we're wasting a great deal of money on a whole bunch of current and retired politicians who are not going to be around to see our children either struggling with the massive debt, or just succumbing to the debtors rather than perpetuating the madness.   If you ask me, we should not only cut off every single one of them right now, but also take away their medical benefits and any pay they might be receiving for their "retirement".  We should also require them to repay any salary they accepted for doing nothing.  Further, if they accepted any kind of gift or payment from a special interest group which was not comprised 100% of voting constituents (e.g. NOT corporations), the money must be immediately deposited into the U.S. treasury with interest from the date received.   Then, they start figuring out how to pay back the principal on those monumental debts, or go home and explain to said constituents why it's not possible for them to do so.  I further propose that, from here on out, anyone serving in a public office had best have a real job to support themselves because their pay will be $1 per year with no other benefits.  Any Federal or State Senator or Congressman who cannot show gainful employment will be asked to immediately step down.  They will be allowed time off from work in the same manner as military reservists get military leave and may be paid accordingly.  This should encourage them to complete their business in a more efficient manner and allow us to turn the lights off in their respective meeting halls for a good portion of the year.  Maybe they could even rent them out for weddings and bar mitzvahs when the House's are not in session.

I'd love to get the figures on the above so I can do the math and show our elected officials just how much money this could save, and how much of our children's future can be bought back.

Further, I'd like to see money currently being sent overseas to help all of the "worthy causes" be shifted back to our country to feed, clothe and educate our own legal citizens.  As for those who are here illegally, they would no longer be eligible for public education, healthcare or other assistance.  They would, however, have the option to become legal citizens, assuming they could meet all of the requirements including returning to their country of origin and returning after a reasonable waiting period, legally.  They must be able to show that they are financially stable before their return would be granted.

Only after we've taken care of our needs at home, balanced the budget and cleared our debt would I then entertain requests for aid to other countries and causes.  At that point, I would focus attention on areas where humans suffer abuse at the hands of other humans. 

Amazing what a little injustice can do to my thought processes, isn't it?

Love and light.