March 27, 2012 Energy and consistency

I started taking bee pollen that my daughter brought me a few days ago.  It's pretty tasty when mixed with some greek yogurt (either fat free or otherwise) and I've found that it seems to give me more energy during the day, although it isn't going to replace lost sleep!  I started with the full tablespoon as recommended on the jar, although the lady at the vitamin store insisted that you should start with a single grain and work up to maybe a teaspoon.  When I asked why, she said that people can't handle the extra energy all at once!  I don't know if it's because I'm naturally hyper at times, or because I am somewhat active, but I really like the rush of energy I get in the morning, and I feel like I'm just more able to tackle the day, even when I'm tired.  And even after working all day, I come home and easily accomplish a few chores as soon as I walk through the door!  So, I'll continue with my tablespoon a day in my yogurt and who knows?  I may even up it to two tablespoons, morning and afternoon! 

As I go into my meditations in the afternoon, I'm trying to focus on something in particular.  Yesterday, because I hadn't gotten enough sleep, my focus was on energy and when I closed my eyes, I saw a volcano, but instead of pouring out hot lava, it was, at first, pouring out beautiful reddish-pink flowers and once the flowers were through, the top of the mountain was crackling with energy.  Today I just drifted, letting thoughts go in and out of my brain, pondering a weird dream I had last night with people from my past.  But in this case, it was people I wasn't really overly interested in reconnecting with, and they were very patronizing anyway.  In fact, they asked me to wait outside at a picnic table, and as I sat there starting to feel annoyed, I realized that I was much happier being away from them anyway, and was trying to figure out why I even bothered to wait for them.  When I got up to leave, another person from my past crossed my path.  In the dream I was happy to see him, but in real life, I'm rather ambivalent.  Either way, I was away from those whose company I was less than overjoyed with, and able to move on to more pleasant places and things.  But it leaves me wondering if there is something from my past that my mind is trying to tell me I need to release, but it isn't quite able to pinpoint what it is, so it keeps showing me people and places to see if it will trigger something that will tell me what it is I'm still carrying around. 

I suppose this will be an ongoing theme in my meditations until the real issue surfaces and I'm able to accept and release it.  It also may be part of the reason my throat chakra has been blocked lately.  Which reminds me that I haven't done an alignment in quite awhile, although my massage therapist did an amazing job moving things back into place on Saturday.  Although she headed me in the right direction, I know that I still need to work on myself for everything to get back into balance. 

I'm also craving sweets again, but more specifically, chocolate.  Yet, when I eat some, it's not satisfying and I find myself wondering why I bothered to eat it.  Is this just an indication of overall confusion?  This seems odd as I just planted my seeds for the year and, in fact, picture myself watering them and pulling out weeds during part of my meditation.  They're just wee little sprouts right now, but the soil around them is rich and there is a marvelous feeling of joy around them.  I know these seeds will grow and thrive this year as none of my others have thus far.  They were planted with so much love and gratitude that they are almost supercharged from the start. 

I see this seed planting as similar to giving birth.  I've brought these little beings into the world yet I know that they are independent beings I can love and guide, protect for a little while, but ultimately, release out into the world where they will leave their own marks.  I don't really feel a need to watch them every moment because I know they are in good hands, and I am sure worrying over them a lot less than I do my kids!  (thank goodness!) 

The cats have all been more clingy and needy lately too.  It is rare that I don't have at least one or two hovering close and often one in my lap telling me that whatever I'm doing isn't half as important as paying attention to them!  This is especially true of my three boys!  Dylan is forever beside me while Toby and Scooby take turns in my lap!  Do they sense the new lives I'm nurturing now?  Do they sense major changes coming into our lives?  They don't seem worried as much as they seem to want to be a part of whatever it is I'm doing. 

And on the way home from work, I found myself singing silly, joyful songs, and realized that I am truly happy!  What I'm doing and where I am doesn't really matter.  I'm just happy being me!  So now, I'll be doing more to share the Joy!

Love and light

March 25, 2012 Spring is for setting intentions and planting seeds

Today I spent some time meditating and planting the seeds to be carefully tended throughout the year.  In so doing, I realized that I no longer needed to plant one for increased health, stamina and energy because I'm well on my way.  That particular seed is well on it's way to becoming a giant tree.  So I turned my focus to three things, plus one which was essentially dropped for awhile.  These things cover all of the major aspects of my life in their own way and involve the Arts, Hearth and Home, Financial prosperity and career satisfaction and finally, the one I have been avoiding for a long time, emotional completion.  As with all of my intentions over the last year or so,. I have put them out there, planted the seeds, as it were, and will let the Universe carry them where it may.  Although I will nurture my seedlings, I will not dictate how and where they grow.  I know that in doing so, I will most likely stunt their growth instead of allowing them to grow up as tall and strong as they might if left to grow in the direction they need to.  Like children, we may guide and give advice, but the ultimate decisions on direction and distance belong to them.  Our intentions are no different.  We cannot possibly see all of the possible outcomes, nor can we determine which will be the best for our intentions.  The Universal wisdom is a much better guide.  Certainly as a part of that Universal Wisdom, I will be part of that guidance, but only a small part, and certainly not enough to alter the direction taken.  For now, I am content with knowing that I have planted those four little seeds and will watch them grow and flourish throughout 2012.  As the year began, so shall it proceed; as an amazing, eventful, inspiring year in which I will learn much and accomplish more than I ever have before. 

Already I see changes in myself I would never have dreamed possible even a year ago.  So many wonderful people have become a part of my life that I am overflowing with gratitude and positive energy every minute of every day.  Even my relationship with my daughter is stronger than ever, and my rebel child is coming around more frequently as well. 

That isn't to say that the crazy, vivid and sometimes scary dreams are not still part of the scenario, but shaking off the angry ones is easier and cathartic now.  I find it easier and easier to remember to send love and light instead of anger and frustration, to accept those who have wished me ill and above all, to forgive.  I'm far from perfect and have many more lessons to learn, but find that positive energy begets positive energy, and if each of us shares a bit with someone else, and they share some and so on and so on, it won't be long before we can crowd the negative energy right out of the equation, or at least return to a balanced state.  I do understand that just as too much chaos is problematic, so is an abundance of calm.  Things need a certain amount of stirring up in order to encourage creativity and change.  Stagnation is not an option! 

And it is change which encourages us to plant our seeds in the Spring, nurture them through the summer and fall until we harvest their fruits allowing the plants to grow and prosper for many cycles to come.

Love and light

March 18, 2012 New motto: Always expect the unexpected

Woke up this morning after fussing with rash revisited on my right leg half the night, dragged myself to the coffee pot and ingested two cups of strong caffeine, trying to get myself to start the day.  I must have tripped over Loki four times and Toby twice on my way to that first jolt, but managed to get most of the java inside me!  So there I was, finally getting around to putting my contacts in and vacillating over which chore to start first when I hear the unmistakeable ring tone which signals a call from my oldest by two minutes daughter.  "Do you have plans today?" she said.  "nooooo" I answered cautiously.  "Do you want to go to the zoo????" she asked, excitement building in her voice.  There's nothing my daughter likes better than communing with the animals. 

So much for quiet, lazy, restful day doing laundry and paying bills.  (OK, so I'm a sucker for a zoo too!)  After grabbing breakfast at our favorite eating spot, we headed up to Santa Barbara for a leisurely walk through intermittent rain, up hills and down dales, feeding giraffes and laughing at the antics of the river otters for a nice, three hour visit.  Of course, by then, we'd worked up an appetite again, so we set our sights on a local eatery.  After a couple of false starts and a fair amount of walking around downtown Santa Barbara, we ended up at a little Mexican place which was actually quite amazing!  The food was good, the service was excellent and it was nice and warm!  A winning combination if you ask me!  (did I mention the temperature was in the low 50's with a brisk, freezing wind?)  Fortified with cocoa, guacamole and pozole we headed home to let the kids retrieve their animals who were at my house for another visit, and so I could  make my weekly trek to Trader Joe's to ensure a healthy week of lunches. 

Needless to say, my body was much happier being active today instead of lugging laundry baskets and sitting on my tush.  And tomorrow, more wedding stuff!  The fun never ends, and I'm incredibly grateful for making the decision to hold off on the remodel.  The flexibility to just do things on the spur of the moment, or join Heather to do more planning and preparation for the wedding has taken my stress level down to the point where I feel very calm and relaxed most of the time. 

Sometimes just remembering to put one foot in front of the other and not worry about the mechanics of it is all we need to simplify and de-stress our lives.  Also, knowing when to admit that you've taken on more than is realistic and to take the necessary steps to lighten your load is not only good for your sanity, but I think that, in the end, better decisions are made because you're not rushing into anything just to get a task off your plate.  I am grateful for the wisdom to realize and admit that I have taken on too much, and for the humility to rearrange things so that, while my cup may runneth over, my plate does not.

I'll end this with one of my favorite quotes:  "To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose..." 

Love and light.

March 16, 2012 Whew! What a ride 2012 has already been!

This year certainly started off with a rocket blast to the moon, and has yet to slow down to what I fondly remember as a normal pace!  As with all crazy schedules, something had to suffer and, sadly, it has been my writing.  But I hope to rectify that in the coming weeks, despite continuing at my breakneck pace because, frankly, along with my meditation, the writing keeps me grounded. 

So, to just catch up, Heather announced her engagement in January, and since then we have been running around like crazy trying to get everything chosen and booked for her wedding in August.  Meanwhile, I've been to three seminars since November, all of which kept me tied up for close to a week each.  But the last one was by far the best as it took me somewhere I've never been, and I was able to tack on a couple of days of sightseeing after the work was done!  I enjoyed a marvelous, albeit too short, adventure in our nation's capitol last week, learning to navigate the metro, visiting some of the Smithsonian museums and the National Zoo.  I cannot recommend visiting DC too highly.  It truly is an amazing place, and everywhere you go is tremendous energy and history! 

With everything else going on, and various parties dragging their feet to get my remodel issues resolved, I've made the decision to put the project on hold so that I can focus my energies on the more pressing matters of the wedding and problem resolution for now.  As I was driving home tonight, I found myself reflecting on all of the delays and how each and every one turned out to be beneficial in some way.  I suddenly found myself filled with joyful anticipation as I realized that the seemingly endless string of delays could only mean one thing!  When the project is finally completed, it will be absolutely incredible!  It can't help but be so, to justify so many roadblocks and challenges along the way!  In the meantime, I've been unpacking the previously packed boxes and slowly putting my house back together for the time being.  In the process, I'm finding things I forgot I had and arranging and better organizing things for future access.  Heather, Mathom and one of their friends were able to move my cabinets into the pod this week, saving me the $200 a month storage fee on the rental unit.  I feel better having all of the materials close at hand, both so that I can keep an eye on things, and because it will make it easier for the contractor once the project resumes. 

Work continues to be busy and I am expanding my horizons, both with knowledge and with responsibilities.  This is always a good thing for me, as my brain is happiest when it's challenged! 

And of course, there's dancing.  A typical week finds me on a dance floor 3-4 times and, with the exception of the last 2 weeks, I'm getting to the gym at least twice a week too!  All of this is helping my body return to it's natural state of health.  My stamina has increased exponentially as I drop pounds to the point where a two step set, a line dance set and a couple of couple's dances no longer leave me winded and sore.  Just as being sedentary and overweight saps energy, moving more and weighing less serves to increase energy which then makes me want to do more so I lose more weight and gain more energy...and so on and so on and so on!  Woo hoo!!! 

Had a very weird dream last night.  The highlights included a white Buick, a motorhome, my former contractor, airguns, making phone calls from a landline and a whole bunch of small children.  What ties all of this together is that every single part of the dream was completely illogical and as unlike me as it could be!  Yet the details have stuck with me, so there is clearly a message in the madness which will ultimately make itself clear to me, even if it requires a few of those Universal Burma Shave signs to accomplish it!

In the meantime, it feels good to be back writing again, and I hope that I'll find the time to jot at least a few lines every day again. 

Love and light.