Welcome to my Journey

Hello, and welcome to my Journey. Over the last few years I have been learning more about my personal journey, my Path and my Soul Purpose. The further I travel, the easier I find it to share my journey with others, and to learn from their journeys as well. The most recent evolution has caused me to expand my Universe and allow more people access to my travels, as well as allowing me access to more people, their travels and what they have learned as they walk their own paths. Feel free to share your journey here as we all have much to learn in our lives as Divine Beings having a Human experience.

Love and Light.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

October 30, 2011 The spell is broken!

Yesterday, I spent a really wonderful day, chasing all over the Valley for a pair of shoes!  Now, before you think I've lost my mind and turned into one of those women who lusts after a pair of designer shoes with an obscene price tag, I went looking for dance shoes!  If I'm going to dance 4+ nights a week, I need to give my feet a change up.  Also, after dancing for a couple of weeks in my suede bottomed, dance boots, I wore my dance rubber soled sneaks and tweaked the tendon or whatever it is (someone said "MCL"?) that runs behind my knee and spent two days icing and resting it.  Fortunately, by last night it was as good as new!  We also discovered a delicious Japanese barbecue place that I now know is part of a chain because several friends commented on my Facebook check-in. 

But that wasn't the strange part of the day, though I did get, not one, but two new pairs of dance shoes, and each of the kids got sneaks (though we had to send Mathom back for his while we waited for our lunch to be served as he was stubbornly clinging to his comfy and familiar boots.   As these new sneaks have suede bottoms, I suspect his dancing skills will increase exponentially now that he won't be sticking to the floor! 

At any rate, I spent a good part of the day with a very strong feeling that someone who normally does not dance on Saturday nights would be there, possibly before I even arrived, and the rest of the day trying to convince myself that it was just wishful thinking.  When I arrived at Borderline, I breathed a sigh of relief that I'd convinced myself, but my relief was short-lived.  But there were several people at my table and he kept his distance for awhile.  As the evening grew later and people left, I did get to dance with him a bit more, and to my surprise, found that the smooth, easiness and connection we used to have was gone.  I don't know if it was on my part or his, but, in some cases, his lead was awkward and there was a repeat of Thursday night when he missed catches after turns.  I don't really know if it's just me turning faster, or him catching slower or just the fact that we're out of sync now.  It doesn't really matter because the important thing is, the spell has been broken.  I can see him as a dance partner and maybe a friend at some point, but that is all.  The rose colored glasses have come off and I see the warts as well as the qualities.  I gave him a quick hug as I said goodnight, and felt like a weight had been lifted.

Part of the process has allowed me to see that, in spending too much time thinking about him, I was thwarting whatever plans the Universe has for me, as I was continuing to attract or be attracted by the wrong thing, and leaving no room for the right one. 

As I sat and observed between dances, I noticed two somewhat younger blonde women sitting on the rail.  The guys were hovering around them like bees, two in particular, which didn't stop some of the others from asking them to dance.  As I drove home, I thought to myself that I don't think I'd have liked having those two guys sticking like glue, but really have no idea what their likes or dislikes are.  I guess I wouldn't be a very good cute, blonde woman because the attention they seem to draw would annoy me rather than amuse me.  I guess I'm just right the way I am!

I had a wonderful time running around, getting pictures of everyone, costumed or not!  Some folks were incredibly clever including a woman dressed as Barbie who even brought the pink box to stand in for the costume contest, and the couple who rode (and wore) their horses!  Watching them dance with their horses was nothing short of hysterical! 

I got a lot of dancing in, broke in one of my new pairs of shoes and all in all, had a blast!  Happy Halloween!

Love and light

Friday, October 28, 2011

October 28, 2011 Prqctice dance partner needed!!!

It occurs to me as my dancing time increases, that I would really like to work on my technique more, while still getting a lot of dancing in, but I really, really, really need someone I can practice with so I can focus on the correct way to do things!  I know I've put out the call before, but I'm going to reiterate it with more emotion because, please Universe, I REALLY need someone who can give me the opportunity to get better at WCS, two-step and nightclub two-step!  I want to be able to go to workshops and actually retain some of the material!  Is this too much to ask for an admitted dance addict?  I really need my fix, and I need a higher level fix now than I used to!  If I need to venture further afield to find this crazy dancer guy who matches my dance craziness, so be it, but give me a sign (I know I'm asking for it now, as when I give ol' Universe permission, I get much more than I asked for!)

There must be something in the wind as "anxiety stomach" is in full swing, and a far as I know, the only thing on the agenda for tonight is a stop on the way home for some sushi and a quiet night at home.  None of this should be setting off the alarm bells which cause my stomach to misbehave.  So is this another false alarm, or will my plans have some kind of unexpected upheaval?  Those things which have been setting it off lately are about as likely as a snowstorm in July in L.A., so I'm really wondering what the heck is going on with my innards!  Are they becoming unreliable?  Or just sporadically so?  I guess the answer will come somewhere between now and lights out tonight!

I'm thinking that maybe I'm just being warned to stop fixating on things so the Universe can help me maximize my intentions!

And sushi, a quiet night at home and icing the tendon or whatever it is on the back of the knee, which I apparently abused last night were the perfect end of a great week and the perfect beginning for what I'm sure will be a lovely weekend!

Love and light.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

October 27, 2011 Amazing is the only word worthy of today!

I had the best day today!  First, I went to the nutritionist and found that I'd lost 7 pounds in the last 4 weeks!  Amazing!  And talking to her about my excessive energy, she said that was a by product of eating so frequently and keeping the blood sugar stable.  OK, that's cool, as long as I sleep!

But the best part (ok, this is a gimmee in a way) was the dancing!  Two high school friends and one of their daughters joined me tonight and were real troopers trying to learn a line dance that is far from one of the easiest.  I was really impressed with their tenacity as they kept it up even though the movements were unfamiliar!  And it was so much fun getting to just chat about life and stuff!  But it gets better!  This was one of those rare nights when there was an abundance of men (or a lack of women, which is fine with me) and I got a lot of two-stepping and couples dancing in on top of tons of line dancing!  But better still, my stamina is nearly at the level it was 15 years ago!  I did a fast two step and not only did my feet keep up, I wasn't even winded at the end.  Then I did a couple of sets with 2 songs in a row, and again, was ready for more!  If my energy level stays like this, I'll drop the excess weight very steadily from now until I'm where I really feel good (and can fit back into those Roper jeans and my skirts!)!

So last night, Nemesis tells me he wasn't sure that he would be there tonight as he was pretty tired.  Something told me he'd be there, but it didn't tell me that he'd get there earlier than normal!  Granted, he's still not doing the first two step with me any more, but I got several and they were all fun, so who cares what number they are.  We dance well together, don't take it too seriously, get some practice in on what we learned in the lesson, and he's been putting some pretty nifty combinations together lately.  Of course, as I am turning a lot faster as the energy level increases, he's having to learn that if he's going to do a catch, he needs to be right on time, or I'll just keep on going!  We had a few laughs over that!  I was having way too much fun prancing around the floor tonight, adding extra spins to line dances, and just altogether trying to burn off the energy which seems to be rising exponentially with each pound lost!    I'll be running the Energizer bunny off the road soon at this rate!  Like the roadrunner, I'll be saying "Meep Meep" as I blaze on by!  I feel like my aura must be radiating out at least 20 or 30 feet, I feel so much joy!  I want to spin wildly around and send that joy out as far as I can, so it will touch many people and, hopefully, bring a smile to their faces, if only for a little while.  I'm bursting with the joy I feel and just have to share it!  (I'd sing but I'm afraid the neighbor's dogs might start howling and people are trying to sleep!)

But I'm just too wild and crazy to keep typing, so I'll send some of my joy out to whoever wants some!

Love and light.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

October 26, 2011 Come on, Universe! Seriously?????

Today is definitely setting out to be very much on the weird side of the continuum.  First, this blog has gotten more hits in a day than it typically gets in an entire month (if the counter can be trusted!).  Second, my HR manager has been in a very silly mood all day.  Could she have the red binder open in her office, behind closed doors??  (or like an old boss of mine, in the desk drawer and poured discreetly, or so he thought, into his oversized coffee mug?)

But the final spark of insanity actually began yesterday.  I like to listen to a mix of music on Pandora while I work, and usually hear a wide variety of songs with little or no repetition.  But in the last two days, I've heard Mary Chapin Carpenter's "Passionate Kisses" no less than four times!  Come on, Universe?  You can't be serious!!!  Last night, I thought it was funny and went home to rain kisses all over my sweet Dylan man (for those who don't know, Dylan is my soulmate cat who picked me at an adoption event by putting his paws on my shoulders and licking my cheek.  We've been best of buddies ever since!)  But today it began again, and it's a dancing night where I pretty much know all of the guys and they're more like brothers than anything else.  Hardly the type for kissing, passionate or otherwise.  The only thing I can think of is that, once again, I am the butt of some highly amusing cosmic joke.  I'd really love, for once, to hear the punchline rather than being it!    Not that I mind bringing a bit of levity into the world, but do I always have to do it by being the butt????

And anxiety stomach persists.  I woke up nauseous this morning which subsided only to be replaced by the going up too fast in an elevator feeling this afternoon.  It would be nice if I could put this phenomenon to good use, like predicting stock market fluctuations or atmospheric conditions, but there doesn't seem to be a practical application connected with the yummy experiences I've been having lately.  It's more of a Chinese water torture as it drip, drip, drips into my consciousness making me say "WHUT???"   Yes, that's right, it's gone beyond just things that make you go "hmmm". 

But my feet feel good and I'm ready for some challenging two-step turns tonight!  And I'm wearing smaller pants!  Hooray!  (I know this is getting old, but the last 3 months have been very challenging for me, so I need to bask in a small amount of success for as long as possible!)

The silliness continued at dance class tonight.  They guys were zanier than normal, with one even sticking out his tongue at me when the teacher told us to look at each other.  There were also several who were being quite flirtatious, in a silly sort of way.  Needless to say, I spent a large part of the lessons in stitches!  I also discovered that my walls are holding well with Nemesis and that I can dance and joke around and even have a quick, impromptu hug after a dance now.  Of course, looking him in the eye while dancing is still something I'm better off avoiding, but we were more or less back on normal footing tonight, sans me falling into those soulful, heavy lidded looks, which is a very good thing!   And tomorrow night, I get to introduce the girls to the Borderline!  I'm so excited!

More good news is that there is no basis for anxiety stomach, so by now it should be satisfied and go annoy someone else who actually has a reason to be anxious!  I'm just not interested.  And tomorrow I go see the nutritionist again to confirm that I've been doing better this month! 

And so, bouncing off the walls continues until...

Love and light.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

October 25, 2011: Resting peacefully and waiting for the next shoe to drop.

Another restful and early night, for which Dylan seemed to be approving as I woke with him wrapped around my head, purring.  I guess he doesn't like my squirrelly nights either!  And with him wrapped around my head, it seemed to deter Toby from a full on musical number.  Guess we know who the boss is!

This isn't to say that my restlessness has abated, just that it seems to take a break for a few hours so it can return to harass me again when I'm awake enough to appreciate it.  I was sitting at my desk this morning when I felt my stomach drop in what I've come to refer to as "anxiety stomach".  It can mean anything from something I'm dreading though this one is pretty rare) to something I'm looking forward to, like maybe, a Disneyland trip, to knowing that I'm going to run into someone who elicits a strong emotional response.  At the moment, I can't think of anything which might inspire this reaction, but the day is still young.  I did have a weird dream about Heather and I both losing our jobs, but the situations were, as has been true of most of my nighttime travels lately, far removed from reality in both of our cases.  I do recall, though, as I prepared for another job search, trying to explain to a dance acquaintance why I wasn't a CPA, and why it was actually in my best interests to not be.  A key point I did notice when experiencing a job loss kind of dream was that I wasn't overly concerned about meeting my financial obligations.  It was more like an "oh, well.  new roads to travel".  I also remember coming back to find everyone discussing me, and not even noticing that I was there and could hear them, and gathering up what seemed like an excessive amount of personal items.  I also opened up drawers where I was hoarding some very odd collections of office supplies.  Could this be an indication that I have a lot more decluttering to do?  Interestingly, one of the items was rolls and rolls of thin red tape.  An indication of things to come in regard to one of my endeavors, perhaps?  Or the fact that if I hide it away, it won't be useable by anyone else?  ( I rather like that theory!  I'm sorry, Mr. Government official.  But there is no red tape available at this time.  You'll just have to get the job done without any unnecessary delays this time!  Pay attention Simi Valley Building and Safety!)

Closing in on the end of the day and no explanation as to why I had the sudden occurrence of anxiety stomach, so I'll just chalk it up to a false alarm.  Dancing again tomorrow.  I hope my feet are ready!  I'm really enjoying Wednesday nights as I'm working on strengthening my skills.  (I'm hoping I'll also increase my chances of attracting a practice partner in the bargain!)  But my energy level is still high, despite working all day and walking around Costco for the better part of an hour (I had a craving for ribs and they weren't ready!).  Now I just need to finish laundry and figure out where in my overstuffed refrigerator to put the roasted chicken I bought to use for lunches!  Shoehorn, anyone?

And the shopping spree in my closet is yielding delightful results as I'm now wearing a size smaller pants!  Hooray!!!  And it only took 20 pounds to get there!  I'm betting the next drop in size will not take as many pounds.  In the first drop, I lost a lot in places that don't affect my pants size, but now the reduction energies are focusing more in that central hub where we women seem to become abundant!  Keep those good thoughts and dance floors coming!

Love and light.

Monday, October 24, 2011

October 24, 2011 Sleep, blessed sleep!

The nights of interrupted sleep finally caught up with me and I started fading at about 8:30 last night.  I went to bed at 9 and actually slept most of the way through the night, at least until Toby decided that he'd gone without attention for long enough and music practice began.  (Dang cat, it was still dark outside!)  Unfortunately, Heather paid the price as it seems it was her turn to take everyone's restlessness so we could all get some sleep.  Hopefully, she'll be able to make up for it today!

Do you ever find yourself arguing with a dream?  Not actually with the dream itself, of course, but when you remember details after you wake up, do you have a little mental conversation where you tell yourself that the details of the dream are very unlikely and actually provide reasons why this is so?  Granted, many of my dreams defy logic and probability, but I am wondering if this is something unique to me, or if the general public (or at least those who remember dreams, as I've discovered this is not universal) wakes up in the morning and analyzes the likelihood that a dream or any of its parts could ever intersect with reality?  I even go through periods of time when they are so preposterous as to be tossed in the "ridiculous beyond belief, and not worth dissecting" pile or they are so close to the truth that analysis isn't necessary at least as often as they niggle at my subconscious until I have to take them out and play with them until I'm convinced that they just didn't make sense, or I figure out what they were trying to tell me by being so memorably illogical.  The one I'm currently gnawing on is pretty innocuous as my dreams go, and involves packing suitcases into the trunk of a car.  A man was showing me how he managed to get around the unusual shape of his trunk by packing the smaller suitcases in first, then the medium, and the largest last, so everything fits nicely.  So what does my mind do?  It says, "silly man!  You want to have the smaller suitcases easily accessible because, if there's something you need to pull out quickly, you'll, of course, have packed it in one of the smaller cases!".  Now, where the heck did this come from, and why on earth would it even occur to me after I'm wide awake and well into my day?  At times like this I'm left wondering, which is stranger, the dream or how it is affecting me?    (or I just have too much time on my hands to gather wool!)

Had another lovely night of dancing.  I'm getting better about asking guys to dance, and having a lot more fun (although my feet are complaining!).  Nemesis was there, but had walls up as high as mine, if not higher.  We only danced together during the rotation in the lessons which was fine.  But it's weird.  He's acting like I hurt his feelings.  Oh well.  I never professed to understand men, and I doubt I ever will, so I'll just enjoy their company when possible, enjoy their dancing feet and leave the understanding to someone more well versed in these things.  WCS is getting easier, but I still have a long ways to go.  I didn't really get any Nightclub practice tonight, so the jury's still out on progress there!

I came home as I usually do on Monday nights to put the trash out, and be entertained by Munchkin and Loki's weekly race to be "first soil" in the new sand!  Tonight, Munchkin won in my bathroom, but I can't speak for the ones the kids cleaned.  My darling furballs are so easily amused sometimes!  Open closets and trash bags lead to hours of enjoyment for them, at least until one of us yells at them to get out of their newfound playground!  (mean cat parents that we are!)  Sitting down at my computer, Toby and Patches are trying hard to convince me that they have been completely neglected today, no food, no attention, no nothing!  Their acting skills need work, to say the least! :)

We are going into the week of Halloween festivities, and, it appears, some even started the parties last weekend.  Everyone is scrambling around trying to come up with costumes, while I'll be my usual, boring self and just show up as me.  Although I am a size smaller than I was a couple of months ago, I have a long way to go before I can fit into any of the costumes which are currently stored away in the pod.  Once I can start fitting into some of them, I might be convinced to join in the silliness again!  But I'm wondering how the energies will behave on All Hallow's Eve!

Love and light.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

October 23, 2011 Rest: Fondly remembered, sadly missed

The restlessness has now invaded my sleep.  Dreams were so crazy and prolific last night that I had to write two full pages in a Word document just to clear my head enough to write a sensible blog post (or as sensible as I get these days!)  High on the list of topics my subconscious bats around in the wee hours are the remodel, spirituality/mysticism and my opening up to the idea of a dance partner, or even life partner.  However, on this last one, my subconscious is still rather confused as it seems to want to pick an apple from one tree, take a bite out of it, then set it aside to pick one from another tree to see if it's tastier, while expecting the first apple to wait patiently, staying fresh and ready for the next bite, should it even come.  Clearly, my subconscious has some growing up to do!  Although I see nothing wrong with dating different people until I find that connection (as good in dance as it is in life, I think), the dreams actually had me committing to one, then expecting him to sit and wait while I tried out another model.  Not good, if you ask me!  And certainly not something to which I profess or respect.  Is my subconscious showing me a potentially dark side of myself I'm not even aware exists?  Or have I treated people this cruelly in other situations, and it's trying to make me more aware so that I'll be kinder in the future? 

Also in my dreams, I wore a beige suit and a white blouse (something I would never do!) in a completely inappropriate environment which turned out to be even more inappropriate because I was asked to do things which were completely out of the scope one would have expected in the situation.  Even more bizarre was that I took a position as a personal assistant/secretary which would have made no use of my accounting background.  I can certainly understand a change of career, but this would not even be on my list of possible options!

All of this crazy, restless dreaming came after a really great night of dancing which I'd expected would have me sleeping the sleep of the innocent, and what I got was quite the opposite!  I am becoming even more diligent about my meditations, doing at least an hour a day, and sometimes more than one session, so I'd expect my mind to be calm, but it just keeps racing down one track or another.  This is beyond "monkey mind"!  It's as if I have several people converging in my head for a lengthy session of parties.  Is someone else getting the quiet, restful sleep I seek?  Am I the vessel which allows others to disconnect?  If so, when does the job move to the next guy so I get my turn?

I signed up for an email about 365 days of writing, in hopes that it would get me back in gear to work on my book.  When I opened the file today to start writing, I was dismayed to find that I hadn't touched it since August!  The email is designed to encourage writers to commit to 15 minutes a day.  I'm sure they realize that once you sit down at the computer, it's unlikely that you'll only write for 15 minutes, but the key is to sit down and just put something on paper, or screen, as it were.  It took me about 4 days of getting these emails to actually react, but I got about 40 minutes of writing in today.  Admittedly, it may end up on the editorial floor when I put it all together, but at least I got another couple of pages written!  It's not exactly a kick in the butt, but more, a gentle prod, and I think I have had a lot of ideas over the last couple of months which should have been included but never got written down either in notes or the manuscript itself, so they're lost unless they pop into my brain again.  If I commit to 15 minutes a day, I stand to save some of these gems from being lost before they're born.  So, day 1 of 15 minutes a day is complete! 

Love and light

Saturday, October 22, 2011

October 22, 2011 Still crazy after all these years

The restlessness continues, and, in fact, is worse today than ever, but at least I'm putting it to good use.  Got up this morning for my nail appointment, then met the contractor to order cabinets.  By the time I got home I was literally bouncing off the walls so I figured it was a sign to go to the gym.  I cannot believe that I'm even more energized now than I was before I went?  My arms are shaking so badly that I had a devil of a time typing a text into my iPhone, but I feel like I could run a marathon or maybe clean my whole house (which it desperately needs anyway!).  I feel like a rechargeable battery on steroids.  The more energy I expend, the more I have!  (and I just looked down at the time stamp on this blog site and it's 1:11.  It's like a line of soldiers is marching me along in triple quick time these days!)

They've been making a big deal about the date 11/11/11 in the media lately.  I'm starting to wonder if that has anything to do with the way energy seems to be building up in people lately?  Are we all gearing up for a veritable launching of new ideas and life paths in another couple of weeks?  Could a date really have that much impact on the world?  I'm looking forward to finding out, but in the meantime, the amount of energy passing through my body is quite extraordinary!  I feel like, given the right tools, I could move a mountain right now!  Dancing should be interesting tonight.  I hope that they either play a lot of my favorite, high energy line dances tonight, or that there are enough men around to get in some two step and couples dancing.  Or both!  It's going to take an awful lot to get me wound down enough to sleep tonight!

Ahhh, it is so nice when the Universe takes what I ask for and multiplies it!  They played the high energy dances AND I got some two steppin' and couples dancing in!  Life is good!  I'm still wound up, but, hopefully, tired enough to go to sleep in a couple of hours!  I LOVE the dancing!  It's getting better and better all the time as my energy level rises to levels I haven't seen in a few years!  With only 20 pounds gone so far, I can't even imagine what I'm going to be like when I reach my first goal!  Yikes!  I'm going to have to find some younger men to dance with, methinks! :)  I think this is a kind of de-aging process which I recommend highly! 

And the energy high (I think that describes it well) continues all around me.  Borderline was crowded from early on tonight, and, again, the energy was definitely in the 'frantic" range!  If it's still going to build from here, I can only imagine what could be accomplished in the coming months!  Mother Earth would definitely benefit from having some of the positive energy directed her way to heal so many wounds!  So that will be my focus, and I will do my best to attract as much energy from others to point towards that goal.

Love and light

Friday, October 21, 2011

October 21, 2011 Restless and unsettled continues

Sleep and dreams were all over the map last night. I woke up several times after getting to bed too late in the first place, and most times, I found Toby snuggling.  Dreams ran the gamut from going to a shopping center I frequent regularly to find that all of the stores had changed since the last time I was there, to riding my bicycle around town to meet with various people about my remodel, to everything in between.  In one of the remodel segments (and they just seemed to flow into each other without any rhyme or reason) I had cabinet people at my house where a large table was set up in the middle of my kitchen.  The table was an oversized card table which someone had covered in half inch squares of sticky backed vinyl.  I was showing the vendor the plans while they were somehow putting different configurations on the walls so I could see how they looked.  With no apparent segue, I was riding my bike through an open air woodworking shop where Heather was showing me her wish list.  Then on to my bedroom where the guinea pig tank was on the floor and Marie had a twin.  As I was commenting on the fact that there were now two, a little girl walked in with something in her hands which she dropped partially into the tank and partially on the floor.  It turned out to be little, furry spiders and I woke up from screaming at the kids to get them off of me as they decided to crawl up my legs!  Yuk!!!!   (even if they were kinda cute little black and yellow guys!)  OK, so the dreams were weird, but even weirder is the fact that I can see where my subconscious got some of it.  I'm supposed to meet my contractor at a cabinet makers tomorrow to pick out exactly the cabinets I want so he can place the order.  The extra guinea pig can be explained because Mathom mentioned that while he was at a pet store yesterday, a bunny tried to adopt him.  The spiders, however, defy explanation.   Maybe it was just time for me to wake up (I'd already overslept) so my subconscious devised something that was sure to get me moving!

So what I've managed to convey (or at least attempt to convey) is that, despite a lovely night of dancing (sans Nemesis, by the way) I didn't sleep well again last night, and woke up feeling sluggish and lazy, which wasn't helped by the fact that it's overcast again today.  I'm looking forward to the end of my workday so I can go home and snuggle with my kitties.

A couple of nights of little sleep and despite the restlessness, I'm tired by 9:45.  I'm hoping a meditation and some extra sleep will calm the wild beasts (monkeys, most likely) who have been prowling around in my head all week!

Love and light

Thursday, October 20, 2011

October 20, 2011 Numerical signals

I heard a ding and was inclined to check my phone just now.  Interestingly, the time was 11:11 which I have found significant in the past, and now, with my feelings of restlessness, even more so.  Another semi-sleepless night, although part of that was restlessness and part of it was an unexplainable pain in my left leg which precluded finding a comfortable position.  I eventually ended up on the couch in a semi-sitting position (I can't thank the woman who gave me these sofas with the reclining seats enough, as there have been many nights when I wouldn't have slept at all if it weren't for this option!) where I was able to catch a few hours of sleep before Toby climbed on top of me requiring attention.  Whatever is in the air for me seems to be affecting him, either directly or because he feels my restlessness.  He has been requiring a lot more attention lately and is acting very nervous.  I hope I'm not causing him this distress, but I'm making a point of paying a lot of attention to him in an effort to calm him down.  Once the remodel starts, there are going to be plenty of things to upset his world!  If he is feeding off of me, I find it interesting that it's him and not Dylan, who is typically the one closest to me, whereas Toby is more everyone in the household's cat.  Heather senses his distress as well and has also been giving him extra attention too. 

It occurs to me, though, that what he's sensing isn't necessarily from me, but is more earth bound, in which case, Heather would normally be more jittery as well.  She is definitely an Earth child with some Fire mixed in, while I'm more Air with more than a little bit of Fire.  I react more to changes in the weather and am energized by thunder storms, although I do sense earthquakes if they're closer to here.  Heather senses them thousands of miles away!   And I woke up this morning to more than just the usual fog we've had for the last few days.  It was actually sprinkling!  I wish I could say that I am more settled now, but it's really quite the opposite.  I'm working from home today, but can't seem to sit still and focus for long periods of time.  Maybe I'll go out and play in the rain later.

Last night, in an effort  to both stop my madness and try to get rid of the persistent sore throat I've had for a couple of weeks, I wrote a long letter to someone who I needed to have a talk with, but, due to a number of factors, would not be able to do so.  I did some ranting in my letter, as is one of my talents, poured out my feelings without restraints.  After it was written, I printed it out and promptly put it through the shredder then deleted the file.  Amazingly, the sore throat is completely gone today!  As I suspected, my throat chakra was trying to tell me something, and was going to continue nagging until I paid attention!  I tell my daughter to listen to her body, but do you think I'd take my own advice???  At any rate, I'm very grateful for the warning because I do, at least on the subject of the letter, feel much calmer today.  Of course, my next exposure to this individual will be my best indication of whether or not my rant writing was sufficient, but there are always more opportunities to rant if need be! 

Ahhhh, nothing like a nice meditation with my Dylan-man snuggled into the crook of my arm.  What is it about cats, meditations, Tarot cards and anything spiritual?  It seems to attract them like a magnet!  They just seem to know when I'm tuning into the Universe, and they need to be a part of it.  I was sitting on my bed, propped up on pillows with Munchkin on my left side and my iPhone tuned to the Ambient music station on Pandora when I felt the bed give slightly.  I cracked an eye, saw it was Dylan, and drifted back into my meditation.  He walked up my chest, rubbed his face against mine a few times, then pushed my left arm aside so he could snuggle between it and my body, and there he remained until my meditation was done.  It was as if he was saying "I need to be a part of this".  I guess it's the demi-god in them.  They really are partly in the physical world and partly in the Spiritual one at all times so it takes very little to attract their Spiritual side.  They just seem to feel the vibrations.

One change I am noticing as of the last couple of days is that, not only is my writing becoming more prolific, but I'm jumping from topic to topic quite a bit.  Rather than being unusual, it's more like I'm returning to my normal state.  It makes me think that something was stifling my creativity and my rapid thought process for awhile, and now, it's as if a heavy blanket has been lifted away and the resulting lightness is causing a great deal of activity.  Could the need to release what's starting to flow freely be part of the restlessness I've been feeling?  Are there important and stunning revelations about to spring from my fingers in the coming weeks?  These and other questions will be answered in subsequent episodes of "As Sheri's world turns!"

Love and light

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

October 19, 2011 Unsettling

After yesterday's amazing and profound realizations, I find myself once again feeling very unsettled.  I can't really put my finger on the cause, though I have opened my mind to suggestions today, but it feels like I'm about to leap off of an unexpected and uncharted cliff into the unknown.  I truly believe that this leap will be necessary for me, and that it will, indeed, be a leap of faith, but it still leaves me feeling nervous and unsettled.  It may be just that I don't know what it is or when it will occur and that leaves me feeling uncomfortable.  I can be reasonably sure that this major change I'm anticipating will not directly impact my professional life, so at least that's one direction I don't need to keep in my sights.  However, the control freak in me immediately curls into a protective ball and whimpers because what this leaves open to disruption are the areas of my life over which I don't really have much control.  Granted, this is the point, and what will make this change amazing is that I will exercise what I've learned about allowing things to flow, but the combination of not knowing what is coming and knowing which areas of my life are likely to be affected are definitely giving me pause.

As I tossed and turned last night, finding it difficult to find sleep, it didn't even occur to me that I was about to enter another roller coaster ride in the next few days.  It didn't even occur to me that the sleeplessness was an early indication of the unsettling, exciting, marvelous things I have to look forward to.  It wasn't until mid morning today that I even realized that the unsettled feeling was what was putting me off.  And now, I'm finding that my appetite is virtually gone as well (and those who know me know how much I enjoy food, so this is definitely significant!).  However, I'm currently arguing with myself about the outrageously ridiculous conversations I was creating in my mind to steer myself away from certain issues and concerns because, (and maybe this is one of the first signs of insanity) some of them are actually starting to sound plausible to what must be a very demented mind!   A couple of key points even showed up in my meditation AFTER I'd managed to clear my mind and put forth an invitation to the Universe to help me find some clarity!  It makes me wonder if they're having a huge joke at my expense before dropping the prize in my lap!  It's times like this that I feel like a kinder, gentler version of Job.  My world is certainly not being ripped to shreds with death and plague and all manner of horrors.  Rather, I am beset by delays, miscommunications, mixed signals and forgetfulness.  It's as if I'm missing connections by mere seconds, but in missing those connections, something even better comes along, soon after I finish cursing myself about the missed connection.

For example, we've pretty much reconciled ourselves to the fact that the house will be torn up and the kitchen incomplete by Thanksgiving, and are already discussing alternate methods of preparing our annual feast without oven or stove.  Mathom even had us cracking up at the idea of cooking pieces of turkey on forks over the fire pit (a bit hard to stuff it that way!).  Heather chimed in that we could make the mashed potatoes and stuffing on the barbecue, but nobody has yet figured out how to make the annual pumpkin cheesecake.   Something tells me that the final solution will be great fun for all concerned.

I'm reminded of the frantic, frenetic mood at Borderline last week and, in being reminded, am wondering if this unsettled feeling is mine alone, or if others are feeling it as well.  Here's my thinking on why I find this significant.  If the feelings are isolated to me and maybe a few others here and there, I would expect the changes to be localized to those feeling them coming, and maybe a few others who just aren't as sensitive to changing tides.  However, if this feeling is more widespread, I would expect the changes to be less individual and more global.  It's a good thing I'll be out among other people tonight as it will give me an opportunity to gauge how far this unsettledness is radiating.

Everyone else seemed pretty calm to me tonight, so apparently, the unsettledness is localized to me and perhaps a few others.  No new insights though, but I did find that, even if I'm not hungry, I need to eat before I dance.  My blood sugar tanked around 8:30 and I started getting cranky, so I came home and ate yogurt.  Better now, but another lesson learned.

Hopefully, I'll have more to report tomorrow, but the Universe operates on its own schedule, so I'm not making any promises about something over which I have no control.  I'm also still living with a very sore throat so I need to figure out what needs to be expressed and just get it out!

Love and light

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

October 18, 2011 The Universal headslaps have begun!

Today, one of my friends posted a little diagram on Facebook.  On the right is a small circle labeled "your comfort zone" and on the right is a larger circle labeled "Where the magic happens".  Subtle, huh?  Definitely a cosmic head slap!  OK, so I was expecting those to begin, and have been spending a lot of time creating ridiculous scenarios around one of my current personal stress points, just to try to make it so ridiculous that it will go away.  As expected, though, this has not, so far, been effective, but maybe it takes time.

However, I'm starting to realize that this seemingly sudden desire, impulse, encouragement to get out of our rut, get into life, which begins outside of our comfort zones, is really much bigger than me in my often myopic world realized.  There are much larger forces at work world-wide right now, and, like a mother bird teaching her chicks to fly, they are pushing all of us with any outer awareness at all out of the nest and forcing us to step away from the known, the comfortable, the safe, into experiences which are, at once, exciting, invigorating and utterly terrifying!  But the good news is, we're not doing it alone.  Not at all!  In fact, we have tons of company as we leave the safety and security of the known world and step, with the innocence and lack of expectations of the Tarot's Fool, into what, at first, seems like nothing short of an abyss, and trust in the Universe, Spirit, or whatever else might resonate for us, to protect us, not from all stumbling and falling, but from those missteps which might prove fatal.   There is much for us to learn in the coming weeks, months and even years, prophecies of doom nothwithstanding. 

I know I am not alone in pursuing knowledge, and in learning not only to love and trust myself, but to love and trust the Universe and all of its occupants.  Not only to be kind and understanding with myself, but to recognize that everyone has their story and it is not for me to judge.  And in those times that I forget and start to judge, there have been people around me to remind me to take a step back and realize that I am not seeing the whole picture in a person's seemingly erratic or negative actions.     It seems that this world encompassing kindness is an integral part of leaving the comfort zone behind, because without kindness, there cannot be trust.    That guy who cut me off on the freeway may have just gotten some bad news, or had a fight with his wife.  The woman in the grocery store who was lashing out at the sales clerk might have just lost a beloved pet.  Any or all of them might be experiencing something which, to me, is no reason for their behavior, but we react to stress in different ways, and sometimes, it's the small things which put us over the edge when added to the rest of our loads.  I know I'm not the only one who has, at one time or another, collapsed on the floor, crying inconsolably over something minor because it was that final stick on my load which made the burden too heavy to bear.  But it is in those moments when we've had enough that we learn to find and accept the strength in others.  How could I have known that my ten year old daughters would be that strength when I thought I was supposed to be the one protecting and supporting them?  How many others reach their limit, only to find that strength in an unexpected person? 

And where, but outside our comfort zones, will we find and acknowledge the strength in others, and those times when we need to, not carry someone else, but be there to lend a hand?  It occurs to me that life as a human is meant to be a team effort, not a solo gig. 

I know that, at the moment, I'm making some missteps in finally opening myself up to a loving relationship.  I didn't master the techniques (assuming there really are any) the first time around, and I certainly didn't give myself a fair chance over the last 15 years, but I hope that I've learned something about myself and others so that, ultimately, I will be a magnet for that person who is the yin to my yang and with whom I can push aside the walls of my comfort zone and be there for him to do the same with his.  Having a partner with whom to join the worldwide movement to new and exciting places, beliefs and concepts, heck, having a partner to share any of life's travels with, makes the trip a lot more interesting and enjoyable, and with two minds working together, you see a lot more because each mind sees things a little differently, and points out what the other might miss. 

I am beginning to enjoy this new journey I've undertaken, and am looking forward with eager anticipation to what might be around the next bend!

Love and light.

Monday, October 17, 2011

October 17, 2011 The Universe and recurring themes

The Universe has a way of getting my attention in no uncertain terms, creating a Burma Shave-like signpost to let me know when something is really important, and even whacking me on the head a la Leroy Jethro Gibbs if it seems I'm not getting the message clearly enough.

This time is certainly no exception.  I have recently encountered some new challenges in my life to which I'm trying to adapt and move forward.  In the meantime, my dance instructor gave us a short lecture about stepping outside of our comfort zone if we really want to experience life.  As I stumble into this concept, at times, even grudgingly, the idea is repeated and reinforced by my personal cheer squad, and I am now seeing similar posts which essentially point to the same thing: "Get out of your rut, stop sitting around waiting for things to happen, and take an active part in adding some new spice to your life!"    You would think the Universe would be happy with my changes, after all, I'm now dancing 4 nights a week, I've started remodeling my house, I even accept the possibility that I won't turn into the crazy cat lady who lives alone with a dozen or so cats.  And I've switched back to my dance boots from my more comfortable dance sneaks lately too!  I even stay until nearly 11 on Thursday nights so I can get some two-stepping in!

So what I want to know is, since I keep getting reminders and not-so-gentle pokes to keep moving away from my cozy little space, where am I supposed to be going?  (I'm ducking now as I realize that, by putting the question out there, I've pretty much given the Universe permission to give me the Gibbs slap since I'm clearly not getting it!)  Perhaps the answer will hit me tonight when I go to WCS?

I really don't mean to be dense, but sometimes, I really don't have a clue about what I need to do to get "there", wherever "there" might be.  In fact, I don't even know how this "there" came into being or why I should need to head towards it in the first place, although, clearly, it has something to do with one of the intentions I set recently.  It's a lot like when I was young and my mother would say "don't let a boy touch you "there"", but would never tell me precisely where "there" was!  Thankfully, this "there" is a different "there" entirely.  (Have I completely confused you, dear reader?  Perhaps, then, you feel my distress at not being able to read this map!)  I think I need a glossary or a legend which will guide me when I run across terminology which isn't clear to me, despite the fact that it is something which is, apparently, Universally understood.

One thing I have determined this week while listening to women talk about the big, fat lies we tell ourselves is that I can no longer hide behind my curtain of being socially retarded.  I may not always get the idea right away, but I seem to be functioning pretty decently lately, sharing and caring and being human with people so they feel comfortable being human with me (or at least the fact that they share their own fears and struggles seems to indicate that they do!)

Tonight I actually started asking guys to dance!  I got discouraged at first because I got a couple of no's and in a couple of other cases, got to a guy just after another girl asked him to dance, but I persevered.  I kind of had to, as Nemesis was there tonight!  Granted, he danced most of the dances with other people, but two or three were more than enough, plus a little chatting in between.  What is really going to be challenging is if he shows up on Saturday, which has not happened up to this point.  But, I tell myself, there are plenty of other women he can and will dance with, so I don't need to really stress over it, but, of course, being me, until I've stepped as far out of my comfort zone as the Universe deems necessary, I'll waste some effort on it.    So, my goal this week is to keep asking guys to dance!

Love and light.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

October 16, 2011 Finding the Joy

A friend started a thread today about what makes you happy and it started me thinking, what brings me joy.  The list, it seems, is endless, but at the very top are my family (blood and extended), my animals and dancing.  This week, especially, really proved, as if I hadn't known it before, that no matter how crazy and trying things may get, as soon as I leave the aggravation at the door, pull on my boots or dance sneaks, and cut loose, none of it matters any more, and the only thing left is bliss!  In the days when I spent more time on the sidelines watching than actually dancing, it used to puzzle me that people would be on the dance floor and they wouldn't look happy!  Nowadays, as I spend at least 30 minutes of every hour dancing, it is even more confusing to me that people can social dance and not feel the endorphins racing through them so quickly that all they can do is smile in pure rapture!  Admittedly, certain dances and partners (for their dance skills only these days) bring a bigger smile to my face than others, but I just can't dance and not smile!  It's physically impossible.

The same goes for snuggling with my cats or the guinea pig.  How can you stroke their fur, meet their looks of adoration or watch their antics without at least smiling, if not out and out laughing?  I find it impossible!  Watching Loki and Marie (the guinea pig) sniff each others' noses today was a serious "awww" moment! 

And sharing moments with my daughter, especially as we have so many inside jokes from years of enjoying each others' foibles, are very precious, indeed! 

And my dance friends, all of whom have faced their own challenges in life, are wonderful reminders that, despite it all, we made it through some very tough times, and still we dance, and we find our bliss.  We are akin to the willow tree which bends but never breaks and each year is resplendent, despite what previous years might have brought.

I do beat myself up at times, when I'm less than tolerant of people who come out on the dance floor, not knowing the dance and kind of get in the way.  But aren't they really just finding their own bliss, if a little inconsiderate of the rest of us?  I'm sure that there were times, and probably still are, when I get in the way of someone's path as well, but eventually, I get out of their way and they can proceed unencumbered, until someone else, while dancing their dance, stumbles across their path for a little while.  In truth, we can all learn something from those who stumble across our paths, as well as from those across whose paths we stumble, if we only open our hearts and minds and simply embrace their differences.  I know that I'm still working on achieving a higher level of kindness and tolerance, and it's especially hard for me when someone impedes my dancing, but the awareness, I know, will point me in the right direction, and make me think a bit before getting annoyed when someone wants to jump on the floor in the middle of Chocolate or Chill Factor and try to follow without getting under everyone else's feet.  I know that I've gotten a lot better, and found that it actually improves my dance skills to two step late on Thursdays when the dancers' adherence to dance floor etiquette is virtually nonexistent because it makes me follow the slightest change in lead without hesitation, and really focus on my turn technique to keep the turns tight, light and responsive.  It's very true that in every challenge we face, there is a lesson to be learned.  My challenge is to recognize those opportunities better and to open my heart and mind to the lesson which is being presented to me. 

I am grateful to the Universe and to the people with whose paths I cross for all of these opportunities to learn and grow.

Love and light.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

October 14, 2011 Even the craziest times have to normalize at some point!

My crazy, frantic, frenzied week finally came to an end in a truly delightful way.  The last day of the work week was far quieter than the first three, and I'm sleeping much better on nights when I wear myself out dancing, so the effects of the full moon are definitely waning.  I met Heather and Mathom for dinner and a movie (Footloose, which I highly recommend!) right after work tonight.  We spent awhile wandering the mall between dinner and the movie and just got to relax and unwind.  Of course, the movie wound us up and we'd have liked to do a little dancing afterwards, but both of the kids have to work early in the morning, so we just came home and they went to bed almost immediately.  (lucky me, I get to sleep in, cats willing, tomorrow!) 

I found it interesting, as I've listened to the Big Fat Lies Summit, that I am not alone in feeling that some of the cats I've been owned by over the years were more than just pets, but also soulmates.  I'm also seeing concurrence that there are people who come into your life who may be soulmates for a section of time, but aren't the people you'll actually settle down with as a mate.  There have been a couple of people who, for a bit, I really connected with but who just wouldn't have worked in the long term for me, nor I for them, but their influence on my life was no less intense and important because it was only for the short term.  I am no less grateful that they were a part of my life when they were, and that they allowed me to share a small piece of their lives as well.  Again, there is a lot I disagree with in what the speakers are saying, but frankly, despite the assurances that this was not going to be an attempt to sell anything, each speaker clearly has her agenda, a service, a book or some other product to promote by doing this summit.  I don't fault their marketing efforts.  I have the right to agree or disagree, purchase what they're selling or not.  Meanwhile, I'm always able to take away some good information in the process, and appreciate the opportunity to hear different viewpoints and learn something new. 

I'm also thinking, as I listen, that I need to make time to work on my book as it has been quite some time since I sat down and put the effort in.  I'll have some quiet time this weekend, in between packing, going to the gym, running errands and, of course, dancing, so I hope I can exert a little self-discipline and get a couple of thousand more words down.  I know that if I just sit myself down for 3 or 4 hours, I can pound out a nice chunk.  I just have to get back into my writer's zone! 

Setting intentions always helps so here goes:

I intend to get more writing done on my book.
I intend to get to the gym at least once a week.
I intend to attract the perfect partner to really start improving my dancing.
I intend to start investigating and even laying groundwork for the time when my work situation changes again. 
I intend to spend more time talking to my daughter, and making sure I still know who she is and what her aspirations are.  She's an amazing individual who makes me very proud time and time again.

And above all, I intend to keep myself open to recognizing and embracing the next soulmates to enter my life.

Oh, and Cinders, the amazing huntress, bagged herself another Ratone!  At some point they will recognize the inhospitableness of this domain!

Love and light

Thursday, October 13, 2011

October 13, 2011 Gratitude revisited

Tonight I am very grateful that tomorrow is the end of a very trying work week.  I am even more grateful for an amazing night of dancing (five hours worth, in fact, though not all of it actually spent on the dance floor!  My stamina is increasing, but not THAT much yet!) which sent my endorphins into overdrive and in so doing, drove away all of the nastiness that, for a little while there, was threatening to overwhelm me in spite of a very nice meditation this afternoon!  I also got the ball rolling on my remodel, signing the contract and writing a check, so there's no going back now! 

My nemesis again showed up around 9:30 or so but for once, I did not get the first two step, nor the second as it happened.  It's interesting how, lately, he tries to keep his distance for awhile, then wanders back over to where I'm sitting, chats, dances, then wanders off again for awhile.  I'm starting to get the feeling that he's seriously confused.  Meanwhile, imagined conversations continue to weave themselves through my brain, while I know full well that such conversations will not actually take place. 

And another item for the gratitude list is that last night I had no trouble falling asleep, nor sleeping until the alarm went off.  In talking to some friends tonight, it may well have been the full moon that was disrupting me, and could also have been the cause of last night's temporary dizziness.

As I was thinking about how unsettled I've been lately, I noticed a different kind of energy seemed to be overtaking the dance floor tonight, it was frantic, almost frenzied in nature, as if people were trying hard to catch something which continued to elude them.  And as the people around me became more manic, I found myself dancing in a little bubble of calm, somewhat cut off from the people around me.  When I would come out of the bubble for a moment, inadvertently, I found myself stumbling and even forgetting the dance steps.  It was as if some portion of the energy was discordant to me when we touched each other, but we were able to coexist as long as we maintained a certain separation. 

Two stepping and the couples dances I did were delightful tonight and maybe part of Nemesis' confusion lies in the fact that he seems to enjoy pulling me close, then realizes that he really shouldn't be doing that with someone who isn't his wife, so he runs away for awhile, but just can't seem to stay away.  Weird, but I really shouldn't overthink it.  I enjoy the dancing, and am willing to stay later on Thursdays to get those opportunities.  That's it, plain and simple, but I continue asking the Universe for someone who I can practice with regularly, who will show up earlier in the evening like I do, and will be available on weekends because they are not otherwise committed.  I know that as I keep dancing more nights, it's only a matter of time before the perfect partner enters my awareness.  And I am very grateful for my new dance partner!

Love and light

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

October 12, 2011 No going back now!

Tonight I signed the contract for my remodel and wrote the second check (the first was for the blueprints) which will allow my contractor to buy materials and start tearing my house down, to build it back up into my dream house!  My emotions are very mixed right now because I'm getting what I want, but to do so is going to create massive upheaval for a few months.    I know the end result will be worth the turmoil, but it doesn't entirely abate the nervousness I'm now feeling.

While typing this entry, I'm listening to the Big Fat Lies Summit which is hosted by Amy Aylers.  As usual with these online summits, there are speakers from whom I am drawing some interesting and useful information, and others who really rather annoy me.  It's like anything else I read or study, in that regard.  No matter what, I will always take away a gem or two.

Tonight was also two step night, and Joe, once again, drilled us on technique which I, for one, really enjoy.  Unfortunately, today's heat caused the number of attendees to be low, and the number of women, even lower.  I was having a wonderful time until I got hit with a dizzy spell in the middle of the beginner lesson, so I went to sit down and drink some water.  The dizziness ultimately abated, but the resulting attention wasn't entirely unpleasant.  One of the men who happens to also be a neighbor hung around me until I felt better, and even brought me a rose from his garden!  How utterly sweet!!!  (I'm such a sucker for romantic or just overall kind gestures!)

Meanwhile, my nemesis spent the evening sitting at what used to be my usual table doing balloon art instead of dancing, while I got my dance on with several of the guys, and just had a wonderful time!  Then HE apologized to ME saying that he didn't mean to avoid me, etc. etc.  Too funny when I purposely sat in a completely different place and had even parked my car in an unusual place (although I ended up confusing myself as I momentarily forgot where I'd parked it when I finished dancing!)   Again I had a conversation running through my head which never actually occurred.  Instead, he assured me that he would be there tomorrow.  So I decided, as I drove home, that I would take the position that I've misread the signs and that he is completely oblivious to what is going on with me.  Meanwhile, I found that I was happier and could very easily laugh and joke with the other guys, dance with them and just enjoy my life as it is in this very moment, and the rest will take care of itself.  (despite the fact that the pit of my stomach knew he'd be there tonight, although he missed last week)

(all this as I'm listening to the summit where the speaker is saying that if you set your happiness first, your income will increase simply because you are happy and projecting that happiness and drawing people to you.) 

The bottom line, at this point, is that I am happy knowing that I'm doing what I want to do, being where I want to be and attracting people who have found their own happiness, knowing that it comes from within rather than in seeking someone to "make" them happy.  And the first line of an old song comes into my head "Happiness runs in a circular motion..."  It truly does have no beginning and no end, but is simply a continuous, unbroken circle.

Love, light and happiness to all.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

October 6, 2011 Breaking the comfort zone barrier...whether I like it or not.

Another fabulous night of dancing, and some unexpected things too.  My first step outside of my comfort zone was to go back to my dancing boots which, previously, had caused my toes to cramp.  I figure that with all of the two-stepping I've been doing, I really need to get back to wearing my dance boots because I can turn better in them, or at least I used to be able to turn better in them!  I need to get used to the different feel and the different heel again, but by the end of the evening, I think I had it almost mastered again.  I got some two-stepping in early in the evening, and kind of broke them in, plus all of the bopping around during the line dances loosened up the stiffness around the arch.  The ball of my foot is a tad sore as it's used to a lot more padding, but I think I'll give the gel soles another try.  I got to visit with some of the ladies tonight and I really enjoyed that!  The dance crowd are really amazing and beautiful people!  And I was planning on leaving early tonight, assuming that a certain person's absence last night would be repeated tonight, which wasn't exactly a bad thing, when I chanced to look up during what was going to be my last line dance set to see that, although the kids had already left, my table was, once again, occupied, and darn me, my heart jumped, despite everything I know!  As usual, I got the first two-step, then he danced with a couple of the other women, but I also got the couples dance, and, basically, the entire next set!  But what was really wonderful was that this was the first time in ages that I was able to dance three songs in a row without feeling like I was going to collapse.  In fact, if the next song hadn't been 90 miles an hour, I could well have gone for another!  The stamina is definitely returning!  I'm so stoked about that!!!

So all in all, it was a great night.  I was able to dance all night in my boots, dance longer than I've been able to lately, and the icing on the cake was getting to spend some time with my daughter doing one of our favorite things.  It's almost like with someone I work with, though.  I stay away from the personal stuff.

I'm not quite sure what the Universe is trying to teach me this time, as "patience" doesn't really fit, but I'm sure that, in time, the lesson will become clear to me.  In the meantime, I'm noticing a definite improvement in my dancing and balance, so whatever else happens, I am improving myself and my overall health and well-being.  And it occurs to me that, in its own way, this is a step outside of my comfort zone.

Love and light

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

October 5, 2011 Monkey mind

So my thoughts are zooming all over the place tonight.  They alight on something like a discussion on forgiveness where I made a remark about Jews inventing guilt.  My brain then elaborated on the thought, and I mentally continued with: Not only did we invent it, but over the years, we've cultivated and nurtured it until it has become an art form of such magnitude that it deserves pride of place in the Smithsonian. 

I then take a side trip to tonight's dance class where I discovered that I can dance quite nicely with a number of the gentlemen there, so spending time bemoaning the fact that I must step away from one with whom I dance so well is utterly ridiculous because there are so many opportunities to dance with men who are equally if not more delightful to dance with!  And I do believe it's past time for me to take my dance instructor's advice and step outside my comfort zone, and really begin to live! 

 Of course, learning that Steve Jobs passed today, and was born the same year I was certainly gave me pause.  He certainly left his comfort zone far behind, as any innovator would have to.  He will certainly be missed, but hopefully, the legacy he left and the people he inspired will continue on.

There have been a number of comments lately about my comedic bent, and, interestingly, I had a dream the other night in which someone was commenting on how funny I was, and I mentioned that I had a vague dream of doing standup comedy.  At some point, after expressing my fears, the person told me I could have someone do it for me.  Even in the dream, this struck me as strange, as how can we have someone else have our experiences in our place?  But maybe by NOT taking the chance, either with a performance or my book or anything else I'd secretly like to do, I am, essentially, passing the ball to someone else, and, as such, they are having the experience in my place.  In fact, Joe's comment today sort of wrapped the whole concept up into a nice, neat little bow.

Now, granted, embarking on this massive remodel is a huge step outside of my comfort zone, and will certainly rock my world.  Allowing myself to be attracted to anyone, even if it was not exactly what I might have hoped for, is, again, stepping out of my comfort zone.  However, it seems that there is something bigger and more earth shaking upon which I need to embark, or I wouldn't be getting all of these neon signs from the Universe lately!  (I'd best be careful or I'm going to start getting whacks on the head if I don't figure this out soon!)  I know I'm going to catch it for this next remark, but I have to admit that MPP is probably right and I need to just let my guard down more and allow things to develop as they may. 

And so, the next step on my path will be to try to step outside of my comfort zone at least once a day!

Love and light.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

October 4, 2011 On the setting of intentions

In thinking over the affirmations I've set and some of the short term results over the last month or so, it occurs to me that, the Universe being what it is, it is important to be very clear when we set our intentions as, much like the book "Half Magic", we might get something sort of like what we want, but not quite.  Whereas, if we are very clear about the intentions we set, the Universe can then simply expand upon them.  Such is the case with my affirmation that I will find a dance partner with whom to practice what I'm learning.  I need to be more clear that I want to find someone I can practice with over the long term, who is unencumbered in areas which might preclude his being able to practice with me somewhat regularly.  These encumbrances might include a demanding job with very long hours, a steady girlfriend or wife, other outside activities which consume large blocks of time...any of these would make it difficult to get practice time in and would not enable me to improve in any reasonable amount of time. 

I realize that, to some degree, this all sounds very selfish, but really, what are affirmations but our personal wants and desires.  And how can we achieve them if we don't set them out, clearly and so as to brook no misunderstandings?  Did Thomas Edison say "gee, I'm going to play with these little wiry thingies and see what comes out of it"?  No, he decided he was going to make a particular item, and then set out to do just that.  And of course, we mustn't lose sight of the fact that once you do start seeing results, there is a perfect opportunity to continue to make improvements on your desires until they really are perfect, and then we set more intentions (not that we can't set them in the midst of perfecting previous ideas!)  Ideally, we have plans in various stages of progress so that when one thing stalls, we have three or four others to focus our attention on so we don't screw up the Universe's work!  There is definitely a time and a place for meddling, and one for stepping back and letting the dough rise, as it were. 

So at this point, I am taking another look at my affirmations, stepping back and regrouping, and modifying the original intention if I feel that clarification will better suit my plans.

And here's hoping that my remodel will actually begin next Monday!

Love and light.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

October 1, 2011 Trust your internal radar. That's all I'm saying

What an amazing week I've had!  I've somehow managed to dance four nights this week, and three of them in a row, yet I woke up this morning and all of my "parts" are happy!  Gone are the days of having to leave a night in between to recuperate!  I am so ecstatic about this!  I admit it, I'm a dance addict.  I'm happiest when I get to dance a lot!  But I fear I'm wearing out my dancing shoes and need to find alternatives, FAST!!!  I have to admit that the best night was Thursday, despite what I accidentally learned last night.  Not only did I get hours worth of line dances, but I got to do a lot of couples dances, a WCS and a bunch of two stepping!  All in all, I danced pretty close to three hours worth on Thursday alone, and to wake up with happy knees was pretty darn amazing!  Instead of overdoing and hurting, it seems that the more I do, the better everything feels!  What a concept!

On a slightly down note, I have discovered that my initial gut feeling was accurate.  I need to just enjoy the opportunity to practice my dancing with an amazing partner, but be very respectful of the institution of marriage.  Since most people seem to think I'm quite a bit younger than I am (I love the great genes that have been passed down to me from my maternal grandmother's family, even if the insanity one is a bit trying!  But we do have to take the good with the not-so-great, to keep us humble, right?) I'll just try to chalk the overly friendly behaviour up to an uncle's fondness for a younger niece.  No, wait.  That sounds really off, more like the divorcee with kids who brings home a lot of "uncles".  YUK!  Well, I'll figure it out at some point, but in the meantime, try to enjoy the dancing without making anything more of it.  And the truth is, it's really only twice a week as he goes home on the weekends, and doesn't come to WCS on Mondays, so it'll just be my cherry on top of the sundae each week to learn a pattern on Wednesday and get to practice it on Thursday!  I've learned, lately, to use the beginner classes to really work on my technique and it paid off quite well late Thursday night when we were trying to do intermediate level patterns on a floor crowded with college kids who hadn't learned dance floor etiquette, or even to watch out for other dancers.  Having spent a lot of time practicing my turn technique, I found that I was able to keep my turns very tight and flexible so if a move had to be altered or aborted, in most cases, it took very little on his part to change my direction.  What fun to discover that the lesson time is yielding such fabulous results!  Interestingly, I feel that I'm learning a lot more about technique in these short group lessons than I ever did in the hours of privates I took.  Part of that was me as I wasn't really focused, but part of it was definitely my choice of coach.  Once again, hindsight is 20-20, but then, I wouldn't have the foundation to learn the technique if it weren't for what I did or did not learn in the privates. 

So for the moment, the Universe has provided me with a practice partner, until such time as one with more available time shows up, and I'm not one to look askance at such a marvelous gift, even if it has a few thorns of which to beware.  I know I will learn a great deal, and improve my skills in the meantime, and maybe that's exactly what I need to do to be ready for the manifestation of the dance partner I'm ultimately meant to find.  I am very grateful for this opportunity, but even more grateful for friends who inadvertently alert me (or was it really inadvertent?)  to potential hazards.

Affirmations are a very powerful thing, as I'm becoming increasingly aware.  And visualizing the end result and the ensuing excitement and joy just seem to make them occur more quickly, and often, in unexpected ways.  Thank you, Universe, for all of these exciting and marvelous manifestations!

Love and light.