Welcome to my Journey

Hello, and welcome to my Journey. Over the last few years I have been learning more about my personal journey, my Path and my Soul Purpose. The further I travel, the easier I find it to share my journey with others, and to learn from their journeys as well. The most recent evolution has caused me to expand my Universe and allow more people access to my travels, as well as allowing me access to more people, their travels and what they have learned as they walk their own paths. Feel free to share your journey here as we all have much to learn in our lives as Divine Beings having a Human experience.

Love and Light.

Monday, September 30, 2013

September 30, 2013 The dreams we dream

This afternoon, after working hard all weekend, staying up way too late last night and working most of the day on the computer, I sat down in my meditation spot on the couch, put up the foot rest and put the red and white with black paw prints fleece blanket on my lap (for Munchkin, of course!) and settled in for what, in all honesty, was a nap.  Upon awakening, I had the following dream in my head, and will be doing some pondering as to its significance:

I was taking a class which required us to stand up in front of a large audience every week and give a speech we'd written.  Up to this point, I had pretty much been making things up as I went, using a piece I'd written for the week which was, typically, lighthearted and entertaining.  In short, speaking extemporaneously, using something I had written as the basis for my speech.

This particular week, we were giving our speeches on Thursday instead of Friday, as there was something going on for which our instructor wanted to be free.  Whatever it was had some significance, and, in fact, warranted a mention in my speech, but it is no longer appearing in my memory.

Instead of my usual fluff, I had written a piece which started out talking about how 90 people had been killed in Spain because the 22nd district had elected a woman to a high political office for the first time in their history.  I don't profess to any historical or political accuracy to this dream, but am just reporting what I recall.

I went on to discuss the implications of a country in which people became riotous over a decision made by people in a single area.  There were further speculations as to how the woman would be received in the country's all-male, senate-like body.

From there, I moved on to a discussion of how women are treated and viewed worldwide, how far we've come, and how far we have yet to go.  Ultimately, I ended the speech on a lighter note, typical of my usual offerings.

Although it's not very clear, I get the feeling that our speeches were in some way, a competition, and that one of the competitors was one of my co-workers.

Up to the point in my dream when I woke up, I got the feeling that I was doing very well in the competition, despite my unorthodox speech writing methods and preference for extemporaneous speaking as opposed to following a pre-written text.  The audience we addressed liked my style and the topics I chose, and the teacher was giving me high marks.  Whether or not she realized that what I spoke was not a memorized speech wasn't clear, nor did it really seem to matter anyway.

I also awoke feeling like there was some sort of purpose participation in this class was fulfilling, but have no idea what that might be.

Overall, though, I tended to speak in the same manner as I write; more stream of consciousness, addressing he audience directly, and including them in my overall experience.

The biggest question in my mind is this:  Is the dream some sort of prediction?  Is there going to be a time when I am, indeed, addressing audiences and talking to them about pieces (or whole books for that matter) I've written?  Definitely things to think about, as this is not something I would put at the top of my list of career paths for myself. 

Tonight, I received a link to a page that talked about activity vs. inactivity (and when you are actually doing both at once) which fit into my present state like a foot in a well-worn, comfy shoe.  The author spoke of our feeling like we need to get everything done at once, tick things off of our "to do" list, when, in fact, this is a time when things are not yet supposed to be completed, so, in essence, I'm making myself crazy for nothing.
 The way I read it, it doesn't mean that we should get no tasks done, but rather, that when something stands in the way of completing a task, it's there for a reason, and we should honor and respect it.  Meanwhile, it's a good time for turning within, as I seem to have done this afternoon during my nap, and the dream is a result of the internal activity I was performing.

Because I'm me, that doesn't mean I won't still make myself crazy over the things I've yet to do, but I can be a little kinder to myself.  So tonight, I only fixed one meal for the rest of the week, although, thanks to Heather, my breakfast eggs are already done and in containers.  I will still need to make up three more bowls of fruit and three salads, and put half a chicken breast into each of two containers, but I'm going to try to just go with the flow a bit for the rest of the week.  I might even manage to get to two-step class this week!!!

But for now, getting to bed before midnight (even if it's just two minutes!) is my only real priority for the moment.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for those reminders to slow down and not be so hard on myself.
2. I am grateful for the small accomplishments, just as much, if not more than for the large ones.
3. I am grateful for insightful dreams, whether or not I understand them at first.
4. I am grateful for the hearing that has returned to my left ear.
5. I am grateful for a little quiet time after working myself into a frenzy.

Love and light.

September 29, 2013 Be very, very careful what you ask for...the Universe has a wicked sense of humor!

A week or so ago, I put out the intention that I would like to be able to work from home at least one day a week, and would also like to get more writing time. 

Well, the Universe is having the last laugh, and yes, it is on me! 

Last week, I worked from home about half the week due to a massive ear infection, combined with the workload from hell!  Now, I'm all ready for another full and busy week, when I get a call from my kids on Saturday night that my garage door has collapsed.  With the help of one of Heather's long-time friends, who, by the way, has been there to help with every major project and crisis since they were about 13, they were able to at least get the door down, but the house is far from secure, as far as I'm concerned.  So, I get to spend Monday juggling garage door companies and my workload from home again! 

Thankfully, with the help of antibiotic drops, propolis, extra vitamin C and rest, the ear infection has pretty much passed.  And with the help of Debrox earwax removal, I was finally able to clear the shmutz out of my ear to the point where I can hear almost completely clearly today!  Hooray!!!!  A couple of more days with the antibiotic, and I should be as good as new!!!

This weekend was rather eventful, I must say!  On Saturday, the kids and I got stuff we needed for the base of the shed we planned to erect on Sunday, figuring that the time to set it up would be closer to the two hours the shed company estimated than the three days one of the consumers claimed it took.  We started at 10 AM with my daughter and son-in-law, my adopted son and two strong, healthy college boys ( a friend's son and his friend).  Although the latter two had to leave by 3:30 so they could study for exams, they helped to get the walls in place, the pod emptied and the floor tile into the shed before they had to leave.  Shortly after they left, a good friend of Heather's who has been there for every crisis and major project since they were teenagers arrived.  By then, we all jumped into the project as getting the roof pieces on, alone, took the efforts of all 5 of us!  Eight hours and one more meal break later, we had the entire thing done (minus a few minor details which will be handled tomorrow), the contents of the pod neatly stored in the shed and most of the debris cleared away.  Granted, we were all exhausted and will probably awaken with muscles we didn't even know we had, talking to us in rather aggravated tones, there was also a very strong sense of accomplishment.  We couldn't have gotten it done without any one of the people who showed up to help!  Everyone gave their all to get the project finished!!!  I am so grateful for the help, the recommendations and the good cheer (ok, so by about 9:00 we were all getting rather punchy) that accompanied the task.  And the best part is, the Pod will be gone tomorrow and the city will have one (actually two, since the pile of bricks is gone too!) less thing to harass me about!  Not to mention the end of a two year monthly charge of nearly $200 to my credit card! 

But now, it's time to wind down and calm the nerves of my poor felines whose world was so disrupted today! 

A huge thank you to all who came to my aid!!!  I love you all!!!  You've done more than you know to simplify my life.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for how beautifully a plan comes together when I set an intention.
2. I am grateful for being able to lift and hold and push and assist and do whatever was necessary to help see my project through today.
3. I am grateful for future projects, be they mine or someone else's, which will allow me to help make things happen!
4, I am grateful for all of the ways the Universe sees fit to answer my requests, even when I'm the butt of its joke!
5. I am grateful for all of the love and support I've been feeling lately!  I feel uplifted and filled with resolve to do all I have set intentions for, and much, much more!

Love and light.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

September 28, 2013 So much to be grateful for!

It's been a bit of a rough week for me, and, it seems, for many other as well, but as the saying goes, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.", I have come through it the better for the challenges, and I hope the same is true of everyone who struggled a bit this week.

Work continues to be walking the fine line between sanity and insanity, and oft times, it's a toss up as to which side of the line it walks!  But the week went quickly, despite intense pain and clogging in my left ear which turned out to be a major ear infection.  (and here I thought all of the walking into walls was just me having an especially klutzy week!)  But it did mean that I ended up working about half of the week from home and keeping very busy in the process. 

I had a couple of days of panic in those same early week days, thinking I didn't have a crew for the planned shed raising and pod emptying on Sunday.  Thankfully, by Wednesday, not only did I have meds for my ear, but a crew for my project!  And even more thankfully, the kids have been right there for me, despite a totally upside down week filled with preparation for Heather's best friend's wedding on Thursday. 

All three of us deserved last night's quiet night at home, even though Heather ended up doing all of the cooking (but I did all of the cleanup except for putting away the leftovers, so it was a fair trade all the way around).  Today was spent getting more supplies for the move, digging up grass, trash and the remaining pieces of a chain link fence, and laying out the base of the shed. 

But tonight, after a couple of hours of dancing, my kitchen is once again clean, the coffee pot is ready to start in the morning and chicken is marinating for the crew's lunch tomorrow.  I still haven't managed to remember to pick up buns, however, so it'll be an early morning grocery run for me tomorrow! 

In the midst of all of the chaos, I can hardly be surprised that the Universe tossed yet another ball for me to catch.  My garage door which has been struggling along for awhile, finally gave up the ghost!  The kids were forced to call in a friend to help close and lock it so my house was secure, but I'll be calling garage door companies over the next day or two to get that sorted out!  (Hopefully before Monday night when I have to get the trash barrel out of the garage!!)  But at least it happened when my car was out of the garage and the kids were around to make sure everything was taken care of in the best possible way!

So, yes, I have much to be grateful for.  Challenges have led to more time at home, a lot of things accomplished, an expanding of my community, and a great deal of simply rising to the occasion!  I'm getting in some good, old-fashioned sweating and my skin is happy.  Exit, toxins, stage left!!!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my daughter and son-in-law who always manage to help me find a way to make things happen, whatever they might be.
2. I am grateful for my friends who make me feel special and loved.
3. I am grateful for life's challenges as they keep me from becoming complacent.
4. I am grateful for good, hard work as it keeps me strong.
5. I am grateful that I am, once again, able to sleep on my left side without pain, as it means that I don't have to move to the couch every time I tire of sleeping on my right side.  The kitties were getting tired of the multiple venue changes every night!

Love and light.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

September 24, 2013 Lessons in the clouds

Today I learned yet another valuable lesson.  Just because it doesn't hurt, doesn't mean that you don't need to get it checked out. 

Clear as mud, right, but let me explain.

Over the last month or so, I've been having pains in my left ear and throat which would be there for a day or two, then seemed to go away.  As the pain was never severe, I didn't think much of it, but just kept taking my triple dose of Propolis, drinking lots of fluids and even getting more rest than usual.  Unbeknownst to me, it came to a head this weekend, but I attributed it, somewhat correctly, to other factors.  However, this morning, I was no longer able to ignore it.  I went to bed last night with a sloshy feeling in my right ear.  I took some Claritin before bedtime and put a few drops of Mullein and Garlic in my ear, thinking that would solve the problem. 

WRONG!  I woke up this morning with my ear so swollen that it was tender to the touch, and I was hearing very little out of what turned out to be a miniscule opening that was, as yet, unswollen.  When I finally saw the doctor this afternoon, she was amazed that I wasn't shrieking in pain when she stuck her little cone thingie into it.  The fact is, I seem to have an incredibly high tolerance for pain which is not always a good thing.  Too often, I wait until an infection is full blown before I see the doctor, partially because I do not want to be told that I need an antibiotic.  My body is very clear on this matter.  "Put chemical antibiotics in me and I will make you suffer even more!"

Trust me when I say that you do not  want to piss this body off.  Repercussions are not pretty! 

Thankfully, this particular lengthy delay, albeit irritating being unable to hear and have dicey equilibrium, involves inserting the antibiotic drops directly into the ear so they are not ingested.  My body has yet to inform me of its displeasure over topical remedies.  (and I'm hoping it will continue to approve!)

My point here (and yes, there really is one!) is that we need to listen to our bodies even when they are not offering up a hearty dose of excruciating pain. 

Seeing as how I'm doing all of this studying and training around healing, I looked to the chakras to see if I could figure out what was going on.  Looking at the ears and throat led me to the Throat and Third Eye Chakras.  Emotions and issues associated therewith didn't resonate with me though. 

It then occurred to me that the sore throat and swelling in the ear are really symptoms, rather than causes, so I dug deeper and found the lymphatic system where the nodes are currently swollen and full of infected yuk!  That's where I find the tie-in to the Sacral Chakra which has been getting a lot of use and abuse lately as I'm working to clear years of accumulated sewage.  And what comes in sewage, I asked?  Why, toxins, of course.  So as I clear the toxins from my Sacral Chakra, they have to go somewhere, right?  And guess where they ended up... you got it!  In the lymphatic system where it is now wandering aimlessly through my body, causing all manner of mayhem! 

With this amazingly intuitive observation (ha ha), I discerned that my next step would be to use some of the techniques I just happen to have re-read in Robert Bruce's Energy Work and grab those little floaters, fry their nasty little selves and clear them out of both my physical and energetic bodies!  Meanwhile, I have drops for my ear to handle the symptoms so I can focus my efforts on the cause! 

My biggest lesson this week, then, is that, when clearing chakras, it is imperative that I go through and remove the resulting detritus before it begins to cause physical ailments.  Hooray!!!  Another new trick for this old dog!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for lessons and epiphanies.
2. I am grateful that I have the resources to figure out the whys and wherefores behind some of the changes occurring in my physical and energetic bodies.
3. I am grateful for a very productive day, working from home with my kitties checking in periodically.
4. I am grateful that I have solved the labor issue with my pod/shed project this weekend.
5. I am grateful for the abundance the Universe provides for me, my family,. my friends and anyone who opens themselves to receive.

Love and light.

September 23, 2013 Back in the saddle again

After a 2 day hiatus, I'm back and wordier than ever, I fear!  My dreams definitely reflected my need to write again.  After being dumped by a fiance (which caused no real grief in me anyway), I found myself at a club, dancing and drinking (ok, so maybe I was a little pissed off!) where my friends were offering up the typical compliment of tortures for the offending male, when I noticed a flyer on the table advertising a writing contest.  When I first read the flyer, I thought it said " a maximum of 1500 words" but after reading the requirements and thinking that there was no way to meet them with only 1500 words, I re-read the flier and found that I'd missed a zero!  (now, as everyone knows, it isn't a stretch for me to knock out 2000 words in an hour or so when I'm in the groove!)  The contest involved writing a story which tied in with an existing imaginary world and the prize was a spot on the writing team.

OK, this one was definitely up my alley (or in my wheelhouse, to use the current phrase).  Needless to say, I woke up pretty excited about doing more writing, but in a totally different direction from the one I'm pursuing.  I also awoke with the frustration I have fairly often that there was a really great story in there, if I could only have gotten it down before I woke up and the best parts started to fade!  Some day, I'll remember to put a tape recorder next to my bed so I can get these incredible ideas down!  Either that, or I'm going to have to figure out a way to let more than just my close-to-the-surface subconscious take control of my fingers!

I also had a little epiphany this morning (WARNING!  CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC AHEAD!) concerning souls and abortion.  I realize and respect the fact that this won't make sense to those who believe that each soul gets only one body....ever.  But for those of us who believe that a soul comes back repeatedly to inhabit different human bodies and to learn different human lessons, this may or may not resonate.  So here's what occurred to me.  When a soul is stopped from manifesting in its next chosen human form, there are a couple of things that might happen.  In the first, it goes back into  what I simplistically refer to as the Sea of Souls and waits awhile before choosing a new human form and set of lessons.  In the second, it goes back and chooses another human form and set of lessons almost immediately because, in fact, the purpose of the last one was simply to be a lesson to the woman whose body it temporarily inhabited, and, perhaps, even to those around her.  Following that train of thought, it occurs to me that it's entirely possible for the parent or parents who chose not to bring the soul into human existence ( and let me state very adamantly here that I have complete respect for someone who makes this choice as, for whatever reason, they do not believe that they could give the child the life it deserved and instead, make the ultimate sacrifice to allow the soul the opportunity for a do-over where it can come into a better life where it will be allowed to learn all of the lessons it could possibly desire!) could ultimately cross paths with the human form which was chosen immediately afterwards, and that another lesson was still to be played out.  Furthermore, I am seeing where this might have been part of the choices of that soul in the first place! 

OK, cage rattling is done, and I hope that in my constant quest to understand this Universe we live in a little better, I've caused more of you to think than I have offended. :)

In my typical, ADHD fashion, I'm working (very slowly, mind you) on one project while my mind ponders three or four others.  I definitely want to tackle some kind of fantasy, especially if I can corral some of what comes to me in dreams, but have scrapped the idea of a steamy romance novel because, frankly, I lack material for the steamy part!  Although I've begun reading other people's work in that arena with a more critical eye, I just can't see myself writing anything sufficiently steamy while remaining in the realms of believable, or at least bearing a close resemblance to reality! (Trapeze, anyone?)

In so many of the fantasies I've read in the past few years, the world the author creates is in a simpler time where travel is by horse, wagon or feet.  I suppose that if I leaned more towards my science fiction tastes, I'd see something different, but at this point, I, myself, would like to see a fantasy world that doesn't take forever to navigate as a result of antiquated forms of transportation, at least from the lofty perspective of my own experience.  I'd prefer to see something like the modified Delorean turned time machine from Back to the Future, or the development and perfection of portals (though they can get tricky as most writers build in warnings of things like alterations in the space/time continuum when portals are overused.  OK, so it's my story and I can write about safe portals if I want to.  <sigh>  but where would the conflict be if I didn't figure in some kind of danger or battle for control of the silly things?   I'm thinking I need another Vision board just for snippets of story ideas.  But I need to make space in my office first!  Guess I know what's next on my list now!

It seems that the more time I spend thinking about moving from "writer" to "author", the more I make changes to my space, some just to clear it and others to make it more conducive to letting my mind run amok, and the ideas run rampant.  The more I contemplate the idea of an "Idea Board", the more right it feels!  I can see it in my mind's eye as, at first, a hopeless jumble of papers,haphazardly pinned to the cork.  As time goes on, the snippets become neater and develop into rows or piles of related ideas until, one day, one of the rows or piles is removed and the story writing really begins!

Certainly, there will always be more snippets accumulating on the board, and there will be times when I will stare at the board in frustration.   But there will be plenty of others when I will sit in the midst of all of those snippets, sorting and organizing and piecing together another story line for my mind and my fingers to wrap themselves around.  I can see the excitement building as the next story unfolds and I become entwined in the lives of my characters. 

For now, though, I am still working on organizing my space, maintaining the habits I've kept and working on reviving the ones I haven't.  I'm finding that my stamina while dancing is going down and know that it means that, in part, I need to reinstate my three day a week gym routine, and add back a night or two of dancing.  Granted, I've been doing a lot more cleaning lately, much to the annoyance of my cats!  The vacuum comes out at least once a week now, and for them, that is far too often!  They scattered to the four corners of the house as I made my way from bedroom to kitchen and back tonight.  And what was their response to my efforts at a cleaner house?  They immediately tossed sand from the sandbox onto my clean bathroom floor!  <sigh>  It's an uphill battle, but I am proud to say that I'm making some headway.  I no longer allow piles of things to accumulate, nor blankets to remain in an untidy pile on my sofas, even when it means refolding them a dozen times during the week, and I haven't even used them!  (hmmm, I wonder who could be knocking them down and kneading them into an untidy mess?)

I'm also looking to change up my routine a bit here and there.  This week, I added spaghetti squash to the menu, and made smaller, meatless salads to go with it.  Next week, I might cook up some chicken, and when the weather cools off, it might be a pot of chili to go with my salad.  It may seem like a small thing, but to me, change, no matter how small, means a bit of adventure, and I plan to keep adding adventure to my life!  Just call me Dora the Explorer!

What would a blog post be without my nightly gratitudes?
1. I am grateful for being able to see the wonder in the smallest of things.
2. I am grateful for the decluttering that remains decluttered so I can focus on what's left.
3. I am grateful for another busy week.
4. I am grateful for alternate plans when things don't go as expected.
5. I am grateful for the fact that I'm finding it easier to roll with what life gives me these days.

Love and light

Saturday, September 21, 2013

September 20, 2013 Laws of Attraction...it really works!

Driving to work today, I noticed that people were being extremely considerate and I thought to myself:  "Peoples' kindness today is making me feel all warm and sunshiny!  But wait!  Am I feeling all warm and sunshiny because of their kindness and consideration, or is my warm and sunshiny feeling causing them to be kind and considerate?  Oh, well.  No matter!  Either way, it's all good!"

It really is true that attitude affects so much more than we realize.  We never know how much our energy is impacting everything around us!

And speaking of energy, my daughter is learning, first hand, that when you set an intention with passion, the path opens up before you in ways you couldn't have even imagined!  She decided that she really did want to open a bakery or cafe, and started looking into what she needed to do.  Suddenly, help started coming out of the woodwork!  As more help and suggestions come her way, she gets even more excited, and things move even more quickly!  On the one hand, I'm sad that she's leaving her passion towards Marine Biology behind, but excited that she's found something that makes her incredibly happy.  It just goes to show that the path to our true passion is hardly a straight one, but is, typically, filled with many twists, turns and switchbacks along the way.

Not that the science isn't helping her because she is doing a lot of experimenting to see what works best for her gluten free treats, and has expanded to dairy free and will ultimately address a whole range of allergen free goodies for those of us who are sensitive to one thing or another.  She's found her niche and she's truly working it!  I'm very proud of her!!

But I left this for too late and I need to be up early so I can eat a healthy breakfast and get ready for a long day of class followed by a wonderful night of dancing!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that my daughter is seeing the Laws of Attraction working for her.
2. I am grateful that I completed my homework on time.
3. I am grateful for the energy I am feeling, despite the fact that it's after 1 AM and I'm still bouncing off the walls.
4. I am grateful for an overflowed toilet that ended up making me clean part of the floor in my entry.  (More yet to do, as I picked up rather a lot of dirt in the process of mopping up the water!)
5. I am grateful for my high energy, despite the fact that it means less sleep!

Love and light.

Friday, September 20, 2013

September 19, 2013 Old habits die hard.

This weekend is my third A.R.T. weekend.  I'm a little overwhelmed as the homework for this session was, in a word, massive!  It was also enlightening as it forced me to look at myself, my patterns and where I am now in terms of personality traits and where they come from.  But it was also the first time that practicing what we're learning on others besides our classmates came into play.  That has been incredibly enlightening for me as I am continuing to learn to trust my "gut" and just follow where it takes me.

I'm finding that there are people I'd like to offer a session to, even in the infancy of my training, because I see that they are distressed by something.  But something holds me back and, for now, I'm going to trust that instinct because it is holding me back for a reason. 

I am finding that, more and more, I don't need to know the whys and wherefores of things.  I don't need to understand someone else's behavior.  I merely need to accept that the behavior is yours, and whether I react to it or not is my choice. 

I spoke to a co-worker today who was concerned that my response to an email thread might come back to bite me.  I explained to him that it really didn't matter to me if people chose to react to what I said.  I gave them my input on the topic at hand, and walked away from it.  The decision on how to proceed was not mine to make, so it wasn't really a concern to me whether they used my input or not.  My only concern was that I fulfilled my responsibility by responding.  Should another person choose to take issue with what I said, and run around like a headless chicken, that is their choice.  Should there be backlash as a result of miscommunication, again, that is the choice of the individual engaging in the backlash. 

My responsibility now is to seal myself off from everyone else's reactions, and just go on about my business.  And do you know what?  It feels really good to not feel the need to engage.  By not engaging, I'm not wasting my passion on unimportant and uncreative pursuits, but saving it for things which are more meaningful to me, and far more productive.

Just another lesson that has taken me far to long to learn, and will still require a great deal of effort to maintain.  I guess this is the Weight Watchers of lessons.  It took me a long time to reach my goal, but it is ever so easy to slide back into old, destructive habits.  I must be constantly diligent and reinforce the lesson to ensure that I don't drift back into old habits. 

It's really no different than my eating habits (which are better than they used to be, but still need some work) or my gym habit (which, right now, is back to the one which does me no discernible good) in that I need to monitor them every day and give myself encouragement for a job well done, when appropriate.  Just because we give ourselves and attaboy, doesn't make it any less meaningful or any less powerful.  As far as I'm concerned, positive reinforcement is positive reinforcement, regardless of the source. 

So, I say, stand proudly in front of that mirror in the morning and tell yourself just how special you are, just how proud you are of you, and best of all, how beautiful, sexy and delicious you are!

My typing is starting to look like I have a cat on the keyboard (must have something to do with eyes trying to drift shut) so I'll cut this short and give you tonight's edition of "The Five Gratitudes of Sheri Conaway, Inernet edition".

1. I am grateful for wonderful nights of dancing and entertaining conversations with my friends. 
2. I am grateful for the furry little faces who greet me at the door.
3. I am grateful for a busy week that went by extremely fast.
4. I am grateful that I will soon be horizontal, sliding into dreamland.
5. I am grateful that I am getting more limber lately.  Must be all of that uncharacteristic cleaning!

Love and light.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

September 18, 2013 Just another roller coaster ride. Wheeeeeeeeee!

I have to say, I was certainly right on the money when I predicted a fast-paced, crazy week!  Work, alone, is managing to match my predictions and then some!!  Several of us are putting in longer hours than normal to try to keep up,. and even then, the likelihood of something unexpected occurring increases exponentially as the week unfolds!  There's certainly no time for boredom!

Of course, this also means that I have yet to complete the last three, very involved questions for my homework that is due on Saturday morning.  I guess I'll forgo my lunchtime meditations until it's done!  I put the file on my flash drive so I can carry it with me wherever I go!

I'm sure that the full moon tonight followed by the Autumn solstice this weekend have something to do with the frantic nature of the days.  It's as if we need to get a whole bunch of stuff done before...well, before something!  Unlike our ancestors, we're not racing the coming snow to get all of the crops harvested and stored away.  So what is it we're in a rush to complete?  What is coming that makes it imperative that we finish what we've started so we have our plates clean and ready to be filled again?

If it just had to do with my current livelihood, I could answer that question fairly easily.  But something tells me that this is bigger than anything in my experience, so I have nothing against which to gauge the magnitude.

Even my daughter is feeling the effects of the current energies.  Using a new Tarot deck I got her for her birthday, she did a Celtic Cross spread the other night.  One of the first cards she pulled was the Tower.    If ever a card called for major changes, that would be it.  The way I see it, it reminds me of the Phoenix rising from the ashes.  We have come to the end of a cycle, and it's time to remove outdated ideas and paradigms, clear the debris from the lessons we've been learning and present a clean, strong foundation upon which to build again.

But she also drew the High Priestess, the World and the Fool, which, to me, makes more and more sense the longer I ponder.  The High Priestess is the Fool's first teacher as he embarks on his quest to, essentially, connect with his divinity by embracing his humanity.  The World is the All things.  It is where everything and everyone is connected.  It is the material plane on which we reside and learn.  The Tower takes what we've learned, shakes it all up and tosses it, like Yahtzee dice, down on the table in random combinations, for us to either make sense of or start over.  The Tower, to me, is a metaphysical hurricane, battering everything in its path, daring us to resist the forces of nature, whether they be wind and rain, or pure, unencumbered energy.

The Tower says "Whether you like it or not, things are going to be shaken up around here, and you may as well hang on for the ride because once you've let go of all of the excess garbage you've been carrying around, you're going to wonder why you didn't let it go a long time ago!"

This ties in very nicely with my need to clean and get more organized, to remove the pod and move forward with some of my plans.  The Universe was even kind enough to send a lady to me who saw the bricks in the back yard and wanted to know if she could buy some of them for a project she's doing at her house.  I refused payment because, let's be honest, she's doing ME a favor!!!  Tonight, a man came to my door, saying that the woman had told him about the bricks and he wanted the rest, if I didn't mind!  Heck!  That's one more problem solved with no effort on my part!  Sure, I could have asked for money for the bricks, but at this point, I'm so grateful that the problem will cease to exist, that I feel the least I can do is let these people have them, just because they're hauling them away!  Maybe I'm paying it forward a little, and at some point, one of them will have the opportunity to help someone else out.  From my standpoint, it all works out in the end. 

The events of the last couple of weeks have renewed my confidence in getting my home together and finding a place where everything is clean and organized, my cabinets, counters and floors are in and I've found a way to make everything work even better than originally planned.  The frustrations and upheavals are all just part of a grander plan!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that the Universe always has my best interests at heart.
2. I am grateful to be able to solve a problem while helping someone else.
3. I am grateful for plans that come together.
4. I am grateful for the upheaval in my life because it signals the start of something really amazing.
5. I am grateful for my family and friends who, in their own ways, never let me lose sight of the fact that everything works out better than we planned, if we just ride out the rough patches and let things fall into place.

Love and light

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

September 17, 2013 Confessions of a cleanophobe

Lately, I have had cause to go to what, for me, is extremes with regard to cleaning my space.  Holiday weekends spent vacuuming and mopping, vacuuming mid-week, scrubbing down kitchen counters nightly...in short, things most women do without even thinking about.  But for me, light years out of character for I am a cleanophobe.

This wasn't an overnight occurrence, or something I actually consciously chose for myself, but was, in fact, a case of rebellion which never really stopped. 

My mother, the Queen of Guilt, was also the Queen of Clean.  Not just, make sure things are picked up, wipe everything down weekly, everything in its place, but hygenically, sterilly, obsessively clean.  It was only natural for me to rebel, at least while I lived in her home, but I carried my sloppiness to extremes for years. 

Certainly, as time has gone by, I have, naturally, improved, but of late, I've started becoming a little obsessive myself.  Not to the point of turning my home into a shrine to sterility...I have a very long way to go before I'd reach that point anyway, but to the point where I pull out the vacuum whenever I start feeling sand under my feet from my furry darlings, and this would be at least twice a week now! 

Sitting here, thinking about the origins of my slovenliness, and why it has hung around for so long, with minor improvements along the way, I realized that it all came down to winning my mom's approval.  As a child, I really tried to please her, while still, of course, maintaining my own individuality.  This, of course, caused a great deal of internal conflict.  Once I reached my teenage years, I realized that her approval was really not mine to be had.  She simply didn't know how to just accept me as I was without trying to make me into her own, extremely damaged image.  Of course, I didn't realize any of this at the time.  All I knew was that there was nothing I could do to win her approval, so I took the low road and became the antithesis of her. 

The easiest way to do this was to be a slob, and easier still because it meant I rarely cleaned, and then, only when I got tired of my own mess.  Ironically, my marrying a tradesman instead of a college graduated professional made me MORE like her rather than less, as my father never went to college, but worked for his dad as an electrician until he eventually got his contractor's license and went into business for himself.

Over the last couple of years, I've been slowly getting away from the sloppiness, at least in my home.  This is partially due to the fact that the only messes I have to deal with now are my own and those created by the cats.  Granted, I have years of crud to go through and get rid of while scrubbing those same years' worth of dirt out of corners I never saw fit to investigate.  But the fact of the matter is, I am doing it willingly, and, in fact, realized while I was washing the dishes from the dinner my kids made tonight, and setting my kitchen to rights again, that I actually derived a certain satisfaction from putting my house in order, quite literally.

The only thing I can't quite determine right now is why I'm suddenly so invested in putting forth the effort to make my house a real home which can welcome my friends and family to a pleasant environment?  For so many years, I was quite happy to come home to my own little hovel, close the doors and leave the world outside.  But now, I'm looking for ways to improve the whole thing so I can actually invite friends in and not feel embarrassed by my lack of homemaking skills. 

Not that I'm unhappy about the fact that coming home and sitting in front of the TV or computer all evening no longer has any appeal, but instead, I use a little bit of each evening to clean.  Yes, it's disturbing, but not because I'm following in my mother's footsteps but because it took me so long to get my act together. 

In truth, it doesn't really matter what brought about the change, nor that it's going to take awhile before I get everything the way I want it.  What is important is that, not only did I take the first step, but I continue to put one foot in front of the other.  What matters, with everything I'm doing for myself lately, is that I'm sticking to the plan and honoring commitments I am making to the most important person in my life...me. 

If I'm getting a place where I can feel even more comfortable than I ever have out of the bargain, who am I to complain?  If this gets me closer to actually getting, if nothing else, my new kitchen, then I'm way ahead of the game! 

Change is certainly a good thing, and what better place to start than by changing myself? 

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the positive changes which are coming with minimal effort.
2. I am grateful for my progression towards a home I will feel comfortable entertaining friends in.
3. I am grateful for examples I am receiving, though I may not recognize them as such right now.
4. I am grateful for my kids who treated me to a home cooked meal when I got home from work tonight.
5. I am grateful for the attentiveness of my cats, who seem to think I am unable to handle the simplest task unsupervised.

Love and light.

Monday, September 16, 2013

September 16, 2013 The day kicked my butt, but I got a lot accomplished, so it's all good!

My unsettled, restless feelings must have communicated themselves to the Universe because I had a real head slapper of a day!  It was so crazy that I really didn't take a lunch break but, instead, ate while I worked, or tried to until my boss came in and wanted to talk about a project I was working on.  Watching him, I'm reminded to be careful how I communicate because I tend to do what he does if I'm not careful.  If his listener, in this case, me, isn't going along with what he's saying, he increases the volume, and continues to do so until he thinks that you're in agreement.  Now, I can't very well tell my boss to lower his voice, so I just have to let him get whatever is on his mind off of his chest and either give him some facts to counter his stand, or just keep quiet and make sure I can still do what I need to do.

Today was one of those days.  He made his points, and I took them in, doing my best to assimilate them into the problem at hand.  He is incredibly smart when it comes to certain things, and I can really learn a lot from him, not the least of which is to be aware of some of my own bad habits.  I do my best to listen, really listen, to what he has to say, even if I don't agree.  I try to consider how what he's asking me to do will fit into my own plan, and do what I can to combine both sides to make an even better job of it. 

So I worked late and, after stopping to pick up dinner, got home pretty late.  Needless to say, the homework did not get finished tonight, but I did get the trash out and the floors vacuumed and mopped, so it wasn't a complete waste! 

Tomorrow, the kids will be here after my nail appointment, with dinner ready, which is a nice bonus!  Then Heather wants me to do another healing session with her, and as I can use as much practice as I can get, I'm very happy to accommodate her. 

Meanwhile, the cats are settling down after I traumatized them with the vacuum.  I could just hear them thinking "we really preferred it when Mom only dragged that thing out when she was going to have company over!  This every week stuff really needs to stop as it is seriously disturbing our routine!" 

But it's a funny thing about getting things cleaner and more organized.  I get twitchy when things get messed up or out of place again.  It's almost as if I have to prove to myself that I deserve to get the house fixed up by getting it cleaned up first.  And yes, my office still needs to be better organized, but it's coming along slowly, and it gets vacuumed whenever I do the rest of the house which is a HUGE improvement!  Tonight, there wasn't a single wad of cat fur behind the door!  I hadn't allowed it time to accumulate, apparently. 

Sitting here, I remembered that I hadn't stopped to consciously seal my field today, so I took a moment to do so.  It's amazing what a feeling of calm settles over me the minute I do!  As my inspiration seems to have wound down as well, I envision an open spot above my head which is full of white light, and draws inspiration in. 

But for today, I seem to have run out of steam, so I'll finish with my gratitudes and bid you good night.
1. I am grateful for busy, productive days.
2. I am grateful for camaraderie amongst my co-workers.
3. I am grateful for being able to act upon my desire to make my space cleaner and more organized.
4. I am grateful for inspiration which comes in many forms.
5. I am grateful for the lady who took some of the bricks, and for my daughter who is helping me get rid of the rest.

Love and light.

September 15, 2013 Feeling a sense of accomplishment

There are some weekends when I just sit on my tush and read, doing only the chores and errands that I really have to do.  Lately, however, that has not been the case.  The holiday weekend saw me vacuuming and scrubbing floors, sanitizing sandboxes and generally traumatizing the cats. 

Since then, I've had the vacuum out at least twice a week, trying to keep up with my little darlings and their propensity to toss the sand out of their sand boxes, much to their disgust.  This weekend saw me scrubbing sinks and toilets and just putting things to rights. 

It also saw me finally break my slump with regard to completing the homework for my A.R.T. class, and put me within shouting distance of having it completed well before the deadline, next Saturday morning. (in fact, if all goes as planned, I will be done tomorrow night!) 

Despite the triple digit temperatures today, I managed to get all of my errands run, groceries put away, and meals prepared for the next three days.

And the best part is, I finally started reversing the weight gain I'd been experiencing lately, and managed to drop a couple of pounds!  (I'm hoping they'll stay gone, but they were aided and abetted by a day of less eating and a lot of walking, not to mention dancing my way through an amazing concert featuring the Band Perry and Rascal Flatts.)  Although my first priority right now is to finish my homework, I have every intention of getting that gym routine back in place very, very soon!  If nothing else, the Zumba DVD's my daughter got me for Christmas are coming out of the box and allowing me to give the cats a laugh (nobody else is invited to this private, and likely hilarious show!) while I stumble through the moves, sweating my brains out (and with a little luck, some tush as well) in the process!

All in all, I'm going into Monday with a huge sense of accomplishment which I intend to keep going all the way through the week! 

I'm feeling a new kind of energy these last couple of weeks, and especially, the last few days.  Some of it is certainly the revisiting of my book and the progress made on my homework, but some of it is...something else.  It's as if I'm being reminded that I have to get it together so I'll be ready for something very, very important which is just over the horizon now.  I've felt its influence for a long time, but my sudden burst of energy and nesting activities which are so out of character lead me to believe that the time has come, and heaven help those who aren't ready, at least mentally. 

In a conversation with one of the employees at Trader Joe's today, I found myself asserting that what the government is doing these days is as much our fault as it is theirs because we, in or complacency, allowed it to happen.  I further stated that, if we want change, it is up to us to make it happen.  By continuing to accept things as they are, we are approving of our government's actions. 

And not just our government's but the world's governments, because, frankly, we're all very connected nowadays.  We are a global economy and our global leaders get together to form policy.  Some of the young people have figured this out and are actually trying to make changes, in whatever way they can, but those of us who have already become complacent are going to have a rude awakening sooner rather than later.  In the first place, what we hear on the news has very little resemblance to the truth.  We are told what they want us to hear.  Despite the availability of information via the internet, how many of us truly dig to get the real story.  We either believe what someone tells us, or we pick a set of facts that works for us, or worse, we just ignore it all entirely.  I'm as guilty as the next guy in this regard.  I'm tired of all of the fighting and hating and mudslinging, so I tend to tune it all out.  About the only time I watch or read the news is if there is a fire nearby that I want to keep abreast of. 

So, what's the answer?  Change is coming.  What it will look like is anybody's guess right now.  We can choose to be a part of it and to have a say in what happens, or we can choose to stick our heads in the sand and hope we don't get our asses burned as the process unfolds. 

From where I sit, though, being a part of it does not have to mean fighting.  In fact, I would like to see more of us being a part of the change in a positive manner, supporting each other's efforts, joining together to build rather than tear down.  The tearing down, I believe, is going to happen no matter what we do, so why put our energy into all of that negative energy?  It makes more sense to be ready with our picks and shovels or our healing skills, or whatever we have within ourselves which will help make the coming world a much better place than the one which is about to be shaken to its very core.   Once again, I'm reminded of a song from the 60's or so when people WERE more aware and weren't afraid to say what they were thinking.

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.

I know I offered up the lyrics to this song in early June, but the feelings I had just a few months ago have increased exponentially and the song fits even better now than it did when I first offered it up as saying what I was trying to say, far better than I was able.

I am proud to say that, contrary to popular belief, many of our sons and daughters are a lot more aware and a lot more involved than we give them credit for.  Those who play the entitlement game get a lot more notice while the ones who are trying to make a difference fade into the background....for now.   They don't do what they do for recognition or kudos.  They do it because it is what they believe is the right thing to do.  And I, for one, appreciate their efforts!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for young people who refuse to be categorized, but who speak their minds and do their deeds, not for attention or benefit, but because it's the right thing to do.
2. I am grateful for the signs I'm getting of impending change, and for the foresight to act upon those feelings so I won't be completely blindsided and unprepared.
3. I am grateful for the lessons I am learning now which will, I hope, make me more of an asset to the new world that is coming to be.
4. I am grateful for the positive energy that is passing between me and the people I am being drawn to.
5. I am grateful that I am learning (finally!) that complaining about something is not the way to make it better, and to re-direct my energies to where they will be productive rather than destructive.

Love and light.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

September 14, 2013 The things we learn from our kids

Tonight was my daughter's and my annual birthday concert (hers) and, as usual, we had a blast!  Even better, she drove so I didn't have to fight the idiots to get out of the parking lot after the concert (and believe me, they were out in force tonight!). 

Also as usual, we had lots of time to chat about everything under the sun, on the drive, before, during and after the concert.  One topic that came up again was how some of our friends will say "I'll pray for you" when we're facing a challenge or have something in the works.  My knee jerk reaction, heralding back to my teen years, is to tell them they really don't need to pray for me.  The problem for me is that, back then, when someone would say they were going to pray for me, they meant that my beliefs weren't like theirs so I must be damaged and needed someone to pray that I would see the error of my ways.

But what my daughter so accurately pointed out was that when the friends I have now say that, they usually mean they're sending good thoughts to us through a means which is familiar to them.  Nothing more, nothing less...simply good thoughts that things work out for us.  I realized that I have been doing my religiously devout friends a huge disservice by, essentially, rejecting their kind and generous offer.  In my failure to release and forgive past hurts, I was hurting my friends who were only trying to be loving and supportive.

My daughter is right on the money when she says that it doesn't matter what a person wants to call it.  Good energy is good energy, and when offered, deserves nothing less than gratitude for the offer.  I can only hope that, in my ignorance, I didn't cause irreparable hurt to them, but for any hurt I caused, I am extremely sorry and hope they can find it in their much kinder hearts than mine to forgive me. 

I am ashamed to admit that I committed the same sin against them that was once committed against me, in failing to accept their different beliefs without judgement or rejection.  I don't need to know or understand why they choose to embrace one religion or another.  The only thing that is important for me to know is that it is an important part of their lives and one I need to respect.  I put my foot in it a lot on this subject, when I could easily avoid it if I just stopped to think how I would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. 

I have to say that my daughter has grown up to be pretty wise, in spite of my less than stellar example.  This isn't the first time I've learned something from her, and I sincerely doubt it will be the last.  I am very proud and honored that, once she reached adulthood and I no longer needed to be a parent and guide her, I found a very good friend in the young woman she has become. 

And I'll admit to being a little teary eyed when the first encore song tonight was the one we used for our Mother-Daughter dance at her wedding last year!  The words will always have an extra special meaning for us:

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can haul,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

For my daughter Heather, I don't wish a smooth, easy path as that wouldn't give her the lessons she needs to find the tools to make her dreams a reality.  I wish for her, challenges to make her stronger, and loving friends and family to stand beside her when times get tough, keeping her on her feet until she manages to get past the rough spots.  I wish that she continues to set her bar high, and that she keeps those intentions coming.   She has so much to offer the world and many will be better for having known her.  And above all, I wish that she never loses sight of the fact that she is very much loved, appreciated and accepted for who she is.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the lessons I learn from my daughter.
2. I am grateful for the way our relationship has evolved into her adulthood.
3. I am grateful for amazing concerts shared with my favorite concert buddy.
4. I am grateful to have a daughter who neither understands nor embraces this insidious sense of entitlement which seems to be permeating our society.
5. I am grateful that I am learning to open my mind and listen to differing points of view, and to find, with my daughter's help, the gems inside those differences.

Love and light.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

September 13, 2013 Another successful day!

I seem to have loosened my block.  I had promised myself I'd work on the homework for my class tonight, and get past the questions which required some soul baring, and I did it!!!  That isn't to say that I don't still have a great deal of work to do on myself over the next few months, but this represents tremendous progress!  Less than a week ago, I was wondering how I was going to manage to finish the homework after getting such a good, early start on it.  Now, I see that what remains is manageable.

My poor teacher will be doing a lot of reading as there was just no way to answer the questions briefly, no matter how hard I tried.  The exception was three questions which could be answered in lists, but other than that, it was my usual ramble, trying to fit all of my thoughts in.

Otherwise, it was a quiet evening at home with a bowl of chicken soup, my homework and my cats.  Not a bad way to end a busy week, or to start a busy weekend.  I'm definitely one for taking my down time when I need it, and as time permits.

If practice makes perfect, I'm well on my way this week.  I've been writing in many different places on many different topics.

At work, I've been revising my first pass at the Cost piece of our Management Volume for the proposal training we've been having.  At home, I wrote another thousand words on my book, write a blog post every night and have seven pages of homework questions and four pages of journaling!  It didn't seem like much as I wrote it all, but looking back is a different story.  Granted, only about three pages of the homework was done this week and a page or so of the journal.  But all told, I've probably written four or five thousand words on the combination of tasks!!! 

I admit, I almost forgot to write my blog post tonight, but as I sat her unwinding for sleep, I realized I had neglected to jot down even a few words, so, here I am, at nearly 1 AM, correcting that particular deficiency.

I have to say that I'm very proud of myself for blogging almost every night for over a year now.  Admittedly, there was a day here and a day there that I missed, but out of 12 1/2 months, I'll excuse myself those missed nights easily! Since I made the commitment to write every day on August 30, 2013, I have written 346 posts!  I may have missed a few days, but I also wrote multiple posts on other days!  Holy moly!!!  If I spent as much time on my book as I do on my blog, I'd have at least three done by now!  It boggles the mind!  (but of course, writing the blog is far easier than writing even one book, and, I do have to reach 1,000,000 words! soon!) 

But my yawns are getting wider and my rambling is getting more disjointed, while the cats are becoming anxious.  It's time for my gratitudes and a wish for a pleasant night and a lovely weekend!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I can be so prolific.
2. I am grateful for productive nights which actually correspond with a promise to myself.
3. I am grateful for the times when Loki just eats the food with the meds in it.
4. I am grateful for the warm, soft bed that's waiting for me, and the kitties who are ready to purr me to sleep.
5. I am grateful for time to spend at home completing necessary tasks.

Love and light

Thursday, September 12, 2013

September 12, 2013 Old dogs, new tricks and my babies' birthday!

Last night during our monthly A.R.T. con call, we were reminded to seal our fields several times a day.  My response was that my field was always sealed as I had kept it that way for years!  However, as I attempt to keep my mind open to new ideas, I tried an experiment tonight while out dancing.  Every time I felt my energy weakening, I'd consciously re-seal my field. 

Imagine my surprise when, every single time I re-sealed my field, my energy level came back up!  I guess the shielding I've been doing for so long only goes so far and needs an extra boost, especially now that I'm spending so much time playing with all of that lovely energy!  So this is me, sealing my field, several times a day as I was told!  I will keep taking my egg-shaped auric field and surrounding it with a broad, white layer with golden sparkles moving along its surface.  That is how I see the seal around my energy field.

Meanwhile, at my chiropractor's office, I went in feeling all out of whack only to be told that I was a lot easier to work on today, and not nearly as stiff as he was used to finding me.  Another gold star for energy work!!!

But the very best part of the day was the birthday party for my daughter, Heather.  She once again wowed everyone with her amazing cake, not only the flavor but the decorations!  Her claim that everything on the cake was edible was not an idle one. 
From the peppermint bark dinosaurs and barn to the pumpkins in the pumpkin patch and the green grass they sat on, it was all beautiful and delicious.  Of course, the only kind of cake you should put a pumpkin patch on is a pumpkin spice cake with cream cheese filling.  Once again, my amazing daughter outdid herself with her latest baking project! 

All in all it was an amazing night for dancing, celebrating and even discussing theology!  You just never know what you'll get when you bring a bunch of dancers together!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the past 26 years with my daughter, Heather, and look forward to many, many more!
2. I am grateful for wonderful friends with whom we share are joyful times.
3. I am grateful for new people who are coming into my life at this time, and who will continue bringing something new and exciting with them as they join my circle.
4. I am grateful for medical science which was finally able to figure out what has been making a dear friend miserable for so long.  I look forward to the day when she is, again, pain and discomfort free!
5. I am grateful that I am able to wear myself out, write a little bit, then sleep the sleep of the innocent surrounded by my cats.

Love and light.,

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

September 11, 2013 Migraines and stomach pains mean blockages, so unplug yourself!!

Today is emotional for me on a lot of levels, so waking in the middle of the night with another killer migraine shouldn't really be a surprise.  I've been talking about being unsettled and spending a lot of time on tasks which I normally avoid, but a con call with my class tonight helped to put some things in perspective.

While I can't change the fact that today marks the 10th anniversary of my Dad's suicide, nor that it marks the 12th anniversary of the World Trade Center disaster, I can change the fact that I'm avoiding things which carry with them a lot of emotional baggage.

That being said, I followed some advice I received and sat down to work on my book, managing to add almost 1,000 words in the process.  With that bridge crossed, I should be able to complete my homework in the next few days.

I also managed to get some chores taken care of including putting away laundry, emptying the dishwasher and scooping sandboxes.  The latter was left undone last night because I was having a battle of wills with Loki over consuming food with new meds in it.  After she spent the entire night in the bathroom drinking water but ignoring her food, and meowing the entire night I realized that getting her to voluntarily consume a small amount of powder just wasn't going to happen.  We have since gone to plan B, which involves dissolving the stuff in water, sucking it up into a medicinal syringe and squirting it down her throat.  Of course, she's not amused and tries to drool all of the liquids I'm giving her back out again, but I figure if she's getting at least 75% of them, she'll enjoy the benefits of it all, in spite of herself!  She may be very stubborn, but I have had far more practice!

What I wonder now is whether working on my book before my blog is going to become another new habit?  Will I have to start making lunches earlier so that I'll have more time to write?  Will this cure my restlessness, and will the decluttering continue as well?

These and more questions will be answered in the coming weeks, but you'll have to stay tuned to find out!   But remember, as each new habit is made and incorporated into my weekly routine, another new one must rise up to fill the space which was vacated by the last empty wasteland of procrastination.

It occurs to me that procrastination is the big, empty, barren wasteland which, with a little perseverance, can be replaced by a new, healthy habit which is characterized by its resemblance to a verdant, productive field of luscious fruits and vegetables.

I realize that adding to my book tonight is only the tip of the iceberg with regard to loving and caring for my body and that getting back to the gym and other regular exercise are really the goal.  But for now, I eat healthy and drink sufficient water more often than not and my lapses are far less destructive than they were in the past.  I'm also getting more sleep lately which is also a healthy improvement.

Progress is progress, I say!  And I am still moving forward and making progress.  My space is cleaner and neater than it's been in a long time.  I'm spending more time keeping it that way than I am sitting in front of the TV or computer.  Eventually, I'll learn to balance it all, but not without a little trial and error, which is where all of life's lessons reside.

But with the progress I've made this week, I hope to see a lessening of the pain!  Once again, stay tuned for progress reports.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for progress, in whatever form it takes.
2. I am grateful for different perspectives which help me look at what I'm doing and why, and making changes if the results are not what I desire.
3. I am grateful for the many lessons I'm learning.
4. I am grateful for challenges because they make me stronger and more determined.
5. I am grateful for my daughter and son-in-law who make so many things possible.

Love and light. 

September 10, 2013 Where from, Inspiration?

I read a post by Robin Rice which got me thinking about where I'm going and what I'm doing and, yes, why I procrastinate.  I'm including a link to that post as it was incredibly powerful.

It occurred to me that a big part of my problem right now is that I can't settle.  What I mean by that is that I'll turn on the TV, then turn it off after a few minutes because nothing being offered interests me.  I'll open a book and read for a bit, then close it because I just can't get into the story.  I'll sit at the computer and look for something to entertain me, but nothing catches my attention for more than a few minutes.

So I have to ask myself, what is it that I'm avoiding doing that has me bouncing from one thing to another without being able to settle?

The obvious things are (in no particular order):
     1. Finishing the decluttering.
     2. Getting my kitchen done.
     3. My Book.
     4. My homework.
     5. Reading more about subjects being covered in my class.  (what comes to mind here is the book  I just bought, "Crystal Bible", which I struggle with because the print is so small).

What I see is that I need to prioritize, not only the tasks, but the individual components of each task, but what I feel is that there is a place where I'm afraid to take the next step.

That could apply to both 3 and 4.  3 because I've realized that the next step is going to involve more than a little soul baring, and 4, because I know that the next few questions are going to involve, you guessed it, more than a little soul baring, combined with some brutal self-honesty.

I am, indeed, The Fool from the Tarot, with one foot poised over the precipice, not quite ready to trust that by taking that step, I won't tumble to my doom.

And then, of course, I see an add for Suicide Prevention Week and feel myself getting all teary eyed?  Do I see a connection?  Hell, yes!

It seems that just by talking about procrastinating, I set some kind of intention.  Although I didn't get to any of the things on the list above, I did clear the way by finally getting my hair done and doing laundry.  If nothing else, it gives me one less excuse to avoid the other tasks, and gets a couple of things done which were way overdue!  Just like setting intentions directly, you don't always get what you ask for, but you do get what you need. (hmmm, sounds like a song!)

 As with the setting of intentions in the normal fashion (if anything can be considered normal these days!), the Universe sets about manifesting those thoughts or wishes or dreams in any way it sees fit. 

Clearly, it saw fit to motivate me to get some things done which were seemingly unrelated to what I thought I was putting off, but which needed to be cleared in order for me to move forward.  So all in all, I appreciate how things have worked out.  I can now (in my spare time of course) schedule a hair appointment and I can no longer come home from work and vacillate between all of the things I want to do, and end up getting none of them done.  My list has been trimmed! 

Sometimes, you just have to pick a spot in the midst of all of the clutter, and start clearing small pieces of your mess.  I can't tell you how much better I feel tonight, having a couple of those nagging items behind me!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for Universal intervention when I'm feeling stuck.
2. I am grateful for a more clear path towards accomplishing my goals.
3. I am grateful for inspiration which often comes in unexpected ways.
4. I am grateful for healing properties from many sources.
5. I am grateful for a reasonably productive day.

Love and light

Monday, September 9, 2013

September 9, 2013 Procrastination: It's not for the faint of heart or anal of mind.

I'm in procrastination mode again.  My homework for the month is half finished.  I have things to do at work that I'm circling around.  I haven't finished my decluttering project yet.  There are things I need to organize and mail.

What gives?  Why can't I just get these things done?  It seems like I always find something else to do instead, and wonder why some things just never get done! 

Is it an illness?  A past life miasm?  A misguided hope that the work fairy will come and get it all taken care of for me? 

Whatever it is, I want it gone!  I really love when I'm motivated and get a lot of things accomplished.  I love when the more energy I expend, the more I have!  I love when my desk is cleared off because all tasks have been completed (which occurs...NEVER!).  Yet I can't seem to get there! 

It's not that I avoid all necessary tasks.  I just seem to pick and choose, seemingly at random most of the time! 

It certainly has nothing to do with the things I prefer doing, or I'd never have vacuumed and mopped!

It has nothing to do with whether or not there's financial gain in it for me, because several of the undone tasks are just that! 

It's as if I put everything I need to do on a piece of paper and just tossed the whole stack into the air, picking out whatever lands closest to me.  In short, there is no rhyme or reason to what does or does not get done! 

I thought I was finally getting organized when I got into the habit of getting my meals for the week made in groups.  I really thought I was getting it together when I made sure I blogged every night (with a few minor exceptions).  I thought I really had my head on straight when I got back into my gym routine (which has since, fallen by the wayside, again!). 

Clearly, I need something that will get me organized enough to at least complete the necessary tasks, if not the ones I'd like to get done as well!

OK, so the trash gets put out every week.  The kitchen gets cleaned up almost every night.  Rarely do I have to scrounge for my meals.  So I'm getting the routine things done.  It's the out of the ordinary stuff that gets shuffled around the house where I'll unearth it every so often, just long enough to say to myself:

Damn!  I still haven't done that????

If I had a nickel for every time I've said that, I'd never have to work again!!!   .

What it all boils down to is that I am the Queen of Procrastination!  (my mom was the Queen of Guilt, so why can't I be Queen too?)

It takes a gigantic kick in the pants to get me moving on something I know I need to do.  Case in point is the removal of the pod.  I figured out a few months ago that it was costing me a fortune, but it wasn't until I was faced with the City's crankiness that I finally put the wheels in motion to do something about it! 

So, what I really need is to be able to give myself that kick instead of involving others or the Universe (who really loves to kick me!) .  In fact, taking away the pleasure the Universe derives from turning me upside down and sideways should be motivation enough to stop procrastinating!

I think I need a big sign:

Do you remember what happened the last time you procrastinated?  Do you really want to let the Universe have the last laugh again????

But here I sit, doing the things I have no trouble keeping up while surrounded by the things which need to get done, but don't.  So I guess my purpose is to keep humor in the Universe...even if it's at my expense!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for my sense of humor.
2. I am grateful for the things I am able to accomplish.
3. I am grateful for new things to learn.
4. I am grateful that I found Scooby's collar as I love the sound of him prancing around the house with the little bell jingling.
5. I am grateful for one more day with Loki.

Love and light.    

September 8, 2013 Spending a little time on the soapbox

It has always been a personal pet peeve of mine that so much time and effort goes into saving the children in one third world country or another, with celebrities donating their time to show you how desperate and hungry these kids are.  While I have no doubt they truly are desperate and hungry and in need of help, what peeves me is that there are plenty of children in our own country who are equally desperate and hungry, yet the big push in our country has always been to help those abroad. 

Finally, tonight, I saw a commercial for an organization whose purpose is to take care of the kids here!  And I say, it's about darned time!  While Oprah and Bono and Jennifer and countless others are tugging at our heartstrings in hopes that they'll also loosen our purse strings for an emaciated child in a foreign country who smiles for the camera when they are given food and medical care that were paid for by foreigners, countless children are starving and dying in our own country, and frankly, for all of our culture and advancements, that, to me, is purely criminal!  If we can't afford to take care of our own, we have no business sending money, food and drugs overseas to take care of someone else's!  Start here, then branch out!

Not only am I pleased to see that there ARE organizations who are working hard to end hunger here, but that the small, local efforts I see in the form of food banks and religious groups who join forces to feed the homeless are really just the tip of the iceberg.  Clearly, they have been out there, working quietly to help improve things for the millions who are starving, without the help of the famous (and sometimes infamous) and the piles of money that are poured into television commercials every day.  In fact, I find it a lot more impressive that they don't waste money on expensive media campaigns to do their good. 

Up to now, I've directed my philanthropy towards rescue organizations for animals because at least I know that the donations I make will be used to make things better here!  It may take a bit more effort and some serious research on my part, but I'm happy to know that I can help make a difference in more ways than just buying one of the food bags at my local Von's. 

I will be very happy to support the No Kid Hungry organization.  They seem to have a variety of ways to help feed the children and give them a real chance at a better life through school lunch programs and summer lunch programs.  How many times did I tell my kids that they needed a healthy breakfast if they wanted to do well in school?  How many kids out there don't have a parent who insists on good nutrition and regular meals? 

Solving a problem begins with taking responsibility for doing whatever you can to help.  You don't have to be a star organizer to make things happen.  Each of us can give money if we have it or time if we're able, or, in the case of this organization, support the people who support them.  Shop at farmers' markets.  patronize participating restaurants.  It looks like they're still putting things in place, but in the meantime, I know the food banks are always accepting donations.  Find out what they need and add a couple of items to your weekly grocery list.

As I find more information about what we can do to help organizations such as No Kid Hungry, local food banks and such, I will start posting them here.

I believe that, to be a truly complete person, we each need a purpose and we each need a cause.  That's not to say that we can't have more than one of each, but one is a good start!  

If I had my way and the means, I would make sure all children had regular healthy meals and all animals found loving homes.  I have a huge amount of respect for the people who are dedicating a large part of their lives to these causes and will do my best to support their efforts. 

<stepping off the soap box now>

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for people who organize efforts to make this world (and especially our country) a better place for man and beast.
2. I am grateful that I am able to, in my own small way, support those who get the ball rolling.
3. I am grateful for those who are helping me practice my healing arts.
4. I am grateful for habits which make me, no matter how tired I might be, complete tasks I have set for myself.
5. I am grateful for my job and the things it allows me to do.

Love and light.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

September 7, 2013 New directions in learning and understanding.

Today I had another amazing massage which helped work out the pain in my hip and legs.  Towards the end of the massage, I got a very clear image of me standing in a valley surrounded by huge rocks, rather like the one in this picture. At first, I couldn't figure out how I got in there, or how I would get out (short of climbing the rocks for which I was woefully unprepared!).  As I looked around, an archway appeared in the rock and as I continued to gaze at it, the opening increased in size until it took up an entire side of the rock formation. 

The area had a magical feel to it, almost as if it was a very sacred spot filled with a wealth of Native American history.  I think if I had stayed in that place longer, I might have actually communicated with some of the Ancestors. 

As my massage had ended and I slowly returned to reality, I simply came away with a sense of peace and rightness. 

My original plan was to come back home to do some shopping, but at my massage therapist's suggestion, I went, instead to our favorite store for spiritual items.  I found a very appropriate gift for my daughter's birthday, but also picked up some more stones for my collection, including a truly amazing piece of goldstone. 

I also purchased two more books (I know, as if I need any more!).  One was the Chakra Bible and the other was the Crystal Bible.  I just felt the need to add them to my collection, and think they will fit in nicely with my current course of study. 

Dancing tonight, I felt more surrounded by my friends than I usually do, and I was drawing a lot of energy from the people who were watching the dancers tonight.  I also got to do a lot more couples dancing and I guess my joy was overflowing the cup!  I found myself relaxing and throwing extra moves into my steps, flourishes and such.  Friends' antics on other parts of the floor caught my attention and made me smile even more!  My aura was certainly glowing brightly tonight! 

In my session last night, I pulled a few things out that are part of my blocks, and was able to clear some, but the real surprise came today when my massage therapist found some things to clear.  When she narrowed down the feelings and the time periods, I was able to pinpoint the incidents, but the fact that they were still even issues with me, being long-forgotten, was a surprise.  Even more surprising was that two of the three things she cleared had to do with a man I dated between college and meeting my ex. 

It's not that he doesn't cross my mind now and then, more because we had a lot of history, having actually met when I was still in high school.  I just didn't really think that the experiences in which he was involved were part of my life any more. 

It just goes to show that my prediction that the year of my A.R.T. class would be interesting was a very weak description of what it will really be like! 

As I work with my energy and open my chakras, getting them spinning more like they should and thus, guiding my energy properly, I'm asking myself a lot of questions, shedding some preconceived notions only to find others buried behind or below them.  I'm questioning a lot of my beliefs and a lot of those questions remain unanswered, at least for now. 

This truly is a journey, and to be honest, I have no idea where I'll end up.  I only know that it will be a place where I'm more open and healthy and joyful. 

I've learned a lot lately about how dishonest I was being in my book, leaving out what really matters, and that is my own heart.  I will take steps, in the coming months, to correct that lapse, in between the time I'm spending learning, no only about myself, but about how I can be of service to others, and, of course, to Mother Earth.

I especially look forward to sharing my journey with you as it becomes far more than I could ever have imagined when I started this blog!  Let the fun begin!!!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that the Universe takes the things we ask for and makes them better.
2. I am grateful for the love and affection of my friends and the way they feed my well of joy until it overflows.
3. I am grateful for my health and for reminders from my body that I need to do a better job of caring for me.
4. I am grateful for happiness and smiles.
5. I am grateful for abundance in love, prosperity, opportunities, knowledge and service.

Love and light

Friday, September 6, 2013

September 6, 2013 Migraine remedies and a change of direction

I woke in the wee, dark hours of the morning with a blazing migraine.  Stumbling into the bathroom, I grabbed my usual cure for what are typically, weather induced, excruciating headaches: 2 Aleve and a Claritin.  I promptly dropped the Claritin on the floor and, now wanting the cats to find it and accidentally ingest it, I was forced to turn on the light to locate it.  (you can't even imagine how "lovely" that felt unless you've been there yourself!)  Stumbling back into the bedroom, I stacked the pillows, moved a couple of cats and attempted to return to sleep.  Whatever brought the headache on, however, had other ideas, and laughed at the pills I took as if they were nothing but sugar!

OK, I thought.  Plan B.   I groped my way down the dark hall to the sofa in the living room, overshot it by a foot, repositioned myself, raised the foot rest and covered myself with the cat print patterned fleece blanket I keep on the back.  Munchkin promptly took her place on my lap as I tried to find a position which didn't put pressure on the painful areas of my head and neck. 

I finally managed to doze a bit, but the pain kept waking me up.  Next think I know, Toby is snuggling in my lap, purring his little heart out.  He stretches his neck up to reach my forehead, gives my left temple a lick and, Voila!  The headache is gone!!!  I kid you not!!! One minute, I'm in serious pain, the next, I'm right as rain!!! 

Now, if only I could find a way to train other cats to cure migraines!  Totally non-toxic (unless you happen to be allergic to cats), non-invasive and no side affects!!!

In other news, I finally found the missing link with regard to finishing my book.   I realized that I've been telling the tale, for the most part, mostly in a very detached fashion.  I've discussed the possible whys and wherefores, shown compassion for what led up to each of my parents' choices and forgiven them and myself for actions and reactions.  What I haven't done is been open and honest about my own process. 

As I work to open blocked chakras, I realize that if I really want to make a difference and, hopefully, help other people who have a similar experience, I need to personalize my story instead of depersonalizing it.

That isn't to say the book is going to write itself or see completion in the foreseeable future, but that I have a new direction I need to take with it.  But I also need to really tackle, declutter and organize my office since that is where I write, and as long as it remains cluttered, so will my brain.

I'm also making inroads into clearing the way to move forward with my remodel.  A few things need to happen there. 
      1. I need to relocate the contents of the pod, going through what's in there and perhaps even getting rid of some of the contents.
      2. I need to call an engineer to advise me as to the removeability of the wall between my kitchen and living room.
      3. I need to map out the plan for tearing out the old kitchen and installing the new, including electrical, flooring, plumbing, and counters.
      4. I need to let go of my anger at the lousy laws which will allow the contractor to not only be relieved of his debts, not only to me but to a number of others, and reapply for his license.
      5. I need to forgive myself and all others who have, in one way or another, made the last couple of years challenging.

I know I've given myself a tall order, but by ensuring that these things are done, I give myself a clear path to have the job done right, and to make it something I will love to live in for the rest of my life.

The energy work I'm doing is making a huge difference in my outlook and is opening up avenues I had neither considered nor been aware of.  Since I'm only at the beginning, I can only imagine what kind of progress I'll be making with my whole life as my education continues!  The opportunity presented itself at just the right time for me, and I am grateful for all who were instrumental in bringing me to this place!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the crooked path I've walked which led me to where I am today...which is exactly where I'm supposed to be.
2. I am grateful for the opening of long blocked chakras, despite the pain and discomfort some of it is causing, as the rewards I'm receiving in the process are immeasurable.
3. I am grateful for the relief I'm finding physically from stretching and moving my body.
4. I am grateful that I have a massage scheduled for tomorrow morning as I need it more than ever right now!!
5. I am grateful for quiet Friday evenings spent loving my cats and taking care of me.

Love and light.