Welcome to my Journey

Hello, and welcome to my Journey. Over the last few years I have been learning more about my personal journey, my Path and my Soul Purpose. The further I travel, the easier I find it to share my journey with others, and to learn from their journeys as well. The most recent evolution has caused me to expand my Universe and allow more people access to my travels, as well as allowing me access to more people, their travels and what they have learned as they walk their own paths. Feel free to share your journey here as we all have much to learn in our lives as Divine Beings having a Human experience.

Love and Light.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

July 31, 2013 Communication is a beautiful thing to waste!

Today was a challenging day for communication.  It seems that wherever I looked, communication was going awry.  In trying to schedule an appointment with my teacher, extra emails were coming through confirming dates and times while she and I were still discussing.  It literally took us 12 hours to get it all figured out!

In the meantime, urgent emails were flying back and forth between us and a company we're working on a proposal with, but questions were left unanswered and I was forced to make a few judgement calls and forge ahead.  I'm betting that the answers will be in my email or voice mail tomorrow morning, and they will run contrary to the choices I made, but such is the way of things when communication goes awry!

Two long work days in a row followed by necessary tasks at home, and I'm running on low ebb yet again this week.  Efforts to restore my energy with dinner and some tv were helpful if not completely successful.  So I sit here, staring at the computer screen, wondering what to type next. 

So what do you do when communication goes awry?  Some folks might consider taking out their frustrations on the electronics, slamming down phones, cussing out the computer or kicking the television (not quite as dramatic now that the old consoles have given way to flat screens!) 

What do I do?  If at all possible, I remove myself from the situation.  I focus on tasks I know I can manage without having to interface with other humans.  I turn on my music, close my door and allow my own inspiration to overshadow the frustration brought on by trying to interact with other humans, even if it's via electronic media.  Ultimately, the positive energy I generate by completing a task makes a silly thing like broken communication seem too trivial to even consider.

In the end, the communication issues will resolve themselves, even if it requires everyone to take a step back, a deep breath and start from square one to get the necessary information transmitted. 

The body is no different.  Take mine, for example (please!  Take it!  I beg of you!)  But I digress. 

Lately, I have had various unexplained aches and pains, and my feet get all tingly if I sit too long.  What is circulation but communication between various parts of the body?  Clearly, mine likes to short circuit if it isn't getting the proper amount of activity, be it too much or too little. 

But, given what I learned this weekend, is it really physical or is it directly related to chakras that have been underutilized for too long?  Is it my energy and not the physical manifestation thereof which is out of whack and needing extra TLC? 

In my daily meditations, I try to address that particular problem and today, I think I saw some positive results.  I focused on my second chakra, pushing orange light with all of my concentration.  Pretty soon, I saw myself stirring the bowl of orange light in a clockwise direction, almost like a bowl of pumpkin soup.  Soon, my vision was filled with a beautiful, bright orange flower which was growing straight up in front of me.  Soon it began to unfurl its petals in a grand display of passionate beauty.  As the flower unfurled, I felt my spirits rising and a feeling of pure bliss overcame me. 

I know I have a great deal of work to do to get that chakra as well as my throat chakra open and functioning properly, but today gave me encouragement that I am on the right track.  Once more, baby steps and confirmation of their effectiveness is my focus. 

I have found that, now that I'm aware of the energy flow, I am getting the tingly feeling up my arms and legs a lot more often now.  I used to think that the feeling was me disconnecting from my body but I realize now that it is just the opposite!  It is a connection with the energy flow and the lightness I feel is simply feeling the energy as opposed to the physical manifestation. 

Try it sometime!  It's really an interesting feeling.  Simply accept that your body is a mass of energy, then relax and allow the energy to flow freely.  (Hmm, I wonder if I let it flow freely enough if I can start walking through walls or floating through space?)

OK, the mind is drifting into uncharted territory tonight, and before it goes completely amok I will spare my readers and cut tonight's post blessedly short.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for all of the epiphanies I'm having lately.
2. I am grateful that my extra long work days are short lived.
3. I am grateful for friends who can find me a plumber to fix my recalcitrant shower, among other things.
4. I am grateful for alternatives (like using the kitchen sink to wash my hair) until said shower is fixed.
5. I am grateful for a positive outlook which continually tries to turn things which start to annoy me into things that make me grateful.

Love and light.

July 30, 2013 Back to insanity

It's nearly 11:30 and I've finally finished my work day!  Sometimes being able to access my work computer from home is a mixed blessing, but at least I didn't have to hang around the office to finish a project, and I did get a gym workout in, albeit one that wasn't as good as it might have been due to the rearrangement of the gym over the weekend!  I did get the ear of the club manager, though and will offer my suggestions when I go in this weekend.  Having left late from work as it was, I wasn't inclined to document the things that made me crazy, but will make every effort to do so Friday or Saturday.

My tub spout repair seems to have gone awry.  When I pulled the lever to send the water to the shower head, I lost a great deal of pressure and fear that the water went into the wall instead.  Confirming or denying my suspicions will be my next task after blogging. 

Thankfully, meal preparation wasn't necessary tonight.  I sent my daughter a crock pot chicken recipe I saw on Facebook and she recreated it with a couple of improvements and sent me some for my dinner!  I have to say that it was quite yummy and I am especially grateful that I have leftovers! 

I am beginning to feel like a couple of friends of mine who are constantly trying to catch up with all of their commitments.  Although I did manage to complete last week's homework assignment, go to the gym and review a proposal that's due tomorrow, I have yet to get laundry done, and I'm reaching the critical point.  I also desperately need to wash my hair and can only hope I wake up early enough to do it tomorrow as the next two nights are dance nights, then another gym night!  Thankfully, it looks to be a quiet weekend when I can get started on this month's homework and maybe get some chores done as well. 

But the good news is, I'm definitely on track for finding my purpose.  Although the text book is a bit discouraging in its assertion that in order to be a healer, one must spend about 15 years going to school to study a variety of subjects ranging from psychological counseling to massage to various sciences related to the medical profession!  As the writer is a former scientist for NASA,  and later, a clinical psychologist, it is no surprise that she believes that all healers must have the same training she has. 

As with everything else, I believe that there are various degrees and types of healers, not all of whom must have the credentials she has accumulated over the course of her varied careers. 

At this moment in time, I'd have to say that I would certainly entertain studies in anatomy, herbs, physiology, nutrition and homeopathy, but as I'm not planning on diagnosing illnesses, I think I can leave the pathology to others who are more inclined to become proficient in medical diagnoses.  In fact, I think it would be dangerous to try to tell a medical professional his/her business. 

Admittedly, I am a neophyte at this healing business, but I still feel that there is room for diversity in the field.  Only time and my training will tell, though.

She found her calling, and I've yet to find out exactly what mine is, but I have to believe that if I'd been meant to spend years in school studying for it, I would have found it long before now!  I feel that the strong, natural abilities which have made themselves known in one form or another since my early teens (at least that i can remember), are meant for a particular purpose which will make itself known within the next 12 months. 

Frankly, folks, I find that incredibly exciting!!!  I feel like I've been given the most amazing present, but I must unwrap it very carefully, layer by layer to avoid damaging it and rendering it useless.  Each layer requires a little more knowledge and a little more expertise in order to remove it safely, so the process will stretch out over months.  Upon removal of some of the layers, I will reveal portions of my gift, but it won't be until I've carefully and knowledgeably removed the last layer that I will truly understand what I have received. 

The first part of my gift has been recognition of my energy field.  I can now sense/see it constantly, it's brilliant gold seal sparkling with the energy it contains.  I'm working to strengthen the seal as I find that I'm overly sensitive to outside stimulation now. 

At the gym, there were certain areas where the music was too loud and though I would normally have found the songs pleasing, I only wished to be left alone in the bubble I create with my own music in my left ear. 

Work today was interesting as, despite the fact that I tend to work with my door closed to ward off the noise around the HR office which is next to mine, I seemed to be in demand with several co-workers today, with questions to be answered, information to be communicated, and issues to be resolved.  I suppose this is my penance for having days and even weeks when nobody needs me for anything that can't be communicated via email.

I'm also noticing that my skin appears to be clearer and brighter, though I'm not sure if it's the excess of energy or the massive amounts of water I'm consuming as I can't seem to reach a point where I actually feel fully hydrated! 

Thankfully, our teacher is sending out emails reassuring us that what we're feeling is normal, and that there are ways to counteract the exhaustion and other physical reactions to our energy work.  One of those is to get the minerals she recommended and start consuming them.  Another is to learn to store energy for future use.  I can see why she's only meeting with us one weekend a month, though.  It takes a couple of days to recover from a weekend of expending the kind of energy we do in our classes. 

I seem to have rambled myself into silence tonight, so I'll just finish with my gratitudes:
1. I am grateful for dinners delivered.
2. I am grateful to be returning to my gym routine.
3. I am grateful for my soft, warm bed which will embrace me as soon as I fix the tub spout.
4. I am grateful for my cats who instinctively understand when my energy is at a low ebb.
5. I am grateful for understanding that, though I may not ever acquire all of the book knowledge the writer of our textbook has acquired, I can be no less a healer than she is.

Love and light.

Monday, July 29, 2013

July 29, 2013 Synchronicty

Found this on my Facebook news feed today!  Timing is everything!

I was especially taken by the final image because one of the most important parts of the training I'm receiving involves opening and balancing my chakras.  Energy flow has to be clear and open in order to pass it through ourselves to others. 

For example, while my third and fifth chakras are blocked, I would be of absolutely no help to someone who needed energy in those areas.  It's like an 8 cylinder car operating on 6 cylinders.  There will be a loss of power every time it hits the inoperable pistons. 

I somehow managed to attract a tummy bug last night which lasted the better part of today.  In between fielding urgent requests from the office, I did a lot of sleeping and kitty cuddling which seems to have put me back on track. 

I was also feeling just a little off kilter but getting back to my normal routine of making lunches and breakfasts for the next couple of days seems to have made me feel more balanced.  Now to get back into my gym routine as well, since the gym re-opened today. 

It's odd how just missing or altering some of the habits I've established over the past year is enough to unbalance me now.  It's as if I need the structure those habits provide to balance me for the crazy amounts of energy I'm now sending and receiving.  In fact, as I ponder this, I realize that the setting of habits was actually necessary to allow me to be ready for the increased pace and activity I'm going into now.  The Universe was, unbeknownst to me, preparing me for what was to come. 

As it kept giving me hints of crazy, wild activity coming soon, I was getting little hints to get a certain amount of control in my life to balance the craziness.  I've said it before, but I'll say it again, there's a certain amount of comfort in just putting those containers of food together for myself.  I have a set little routine for the order in which I prepare things, the knives I use, the washing up in between and the final clearing up of the kitchen when I'm done.  Cat dishes get washed and put in the dish drainer.  The dishwasher is emptied if needed and all dirty dishes are put inside.  It gets run when it's full, and the cycle begins again. 

Even the cats get into my nightly routine these days.  Typically, Toby and Munchkin wind around my legs or curl up in the middle of the floor, giving me one more thing to have to navigate around.  Munchkin will meow at me a few times as if to say "Hurry up!  It's bedtime!"    and will sit on the desk. watching me type my blog entry before nudging me towards the bedroom where she curls up against my knees after getting her goodnight skritch. 

Scooby and Patches take turns head butting my legs, and Scooby will sometimes climb in my lap for a bit of face rubbing. 

This routine business is especially noticeable because I'm typically an organized chaos kind of girl.  But it seems that even the most chaotic among us need our routines to balance out the chaos.  As the year unfolds and I spend more time unblocking chakras and expending energy either reading or self-healing, I know that the moments of quiet and those tedious, mindless tasks will come to be even more precious in helping to keep me grounded. 

I have also settled down and stopped vibrating at such a high rate today.  An extra few doses of sleep after a very restless night seem to have helped.  My energy field is back down to a manageable level right now, so I feel better about being among people tomorrow.  It could be that the tummy bug was just my body's way of saying "If you go out into the world today, you are going to reach new heights of discomfort!  If you won't make the decision to lay low yourself, I'll give you a reason!  Here, how do you like feeling like your cookies are going to be hurled every time you try to lie down?  Good, huh?  Try sleeping with that!!!"

I am, however, still suffering a low grade headache, but again, it may be all of the energy flowing.

Something interesting occurred to me.  On Saturday when the revelation of the blocked second chakra was presented to me in a way that was not to be ignored, I seemed to have been drawn to the color orange as I wore it to the class and later, out dancing.  Could it be my subconscious trying to help draw attention to a part of me that needs work?  Orange has always been one of my favorite colors, and the brighter the better.  Is there more to my preference than meets the eye?

The more I learn, the more questions I have, which means that I'm gaining some understanding so I actually know what to ask.  Once again, I have the image of a sponge, ready to soak up everything it can!  I am going to enjoy my sponginess!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to be back in my normal, little routines.
2. I am grateful for all of the questions that are occurring to me.
3. I am grateful for the opportunity to be a sponge and just soak up knowledge.
4. I am grateful for the dampening down of my energy field and the return to feeling like my normal self (though I know that what was "normal" for me last week is no longer my "normal")
5. I am grateful for teachers and guides and mentors who will help me learn to handle the knowledge and the gifts I'm becoming more aware of.

Love and light.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

July 28, 2013 An auspicious beginning to a momentous journey.

The first full weekend of healer training has come to an end...or has it?

I have the weirdest feeling of being energized, yet drained.  I've gone from hot to cold to hot again in a matter of minutes. 

I discovered that the hints I've gotten since my early teens were valid beyond my wildest imaginings.  But I also discovered that when I do any kind of healing/energy work, I sweat like a pig!  Time seems to slip by unnoticed, or maybe, I'm running in a between time kind of world.  This is true both in the role of healer and recipient. 

I knew I'd be facing a lot of hard truths about myself, but was not expecting it to just come pouring out like an unstuck faucet!  (interestingly, my tub spout breathed its last and had to be replaced today, which, thankfully, was a really easy task!) 

Yesterday was mostly lecture and meditation, but meditation like I've never experienced.  It was the fire yoga of meditations, with movement and some vocalizations.  I also learned how humming helps to build the energy field.  We joined all of ours together, but today, I felt like mine, alone, filled the room.  I could feel it expanding and expanding and could see the bright golden light which sealed it.  But no matter how well I sealed it, when I left the safety of our classroom, I still felt raw and exposed.  I felt as if I was an enormous glowing ball of energy and was so bright that even the least sensitive of people could see it.   Let's not even get into the animals!!!  Loki just wanted to be in my lap, but her meow wasn't nearly as frantic.  I'm getting the feeling she's asking me to do some more healing on her, and I will, when I'm rested, be happy to comply.  Munchkin preferred sitting next to my head, smacking me in the face with her tail and Dylan is following me around the house again.  (he was kind of jumpy yesterday and kept running away from me!)

I think, in the next few days, people will, depending on their nature, be either attracted or repelled by me, though tonight I will see if I can figure out how to pull my energy field in so it doesn't spread quite so far.  It seems to me that I should have a control switch somewhere inside of me that regulates the darn thing!  It's almost as if, once released, it acts like an animal who's been caged for too long and runs completely amok!  (oh great!  Now, not only do we have writer run amok, but writer's energy field run amok!) 

Thankfully, one of my classmates suggested putting Pandora in my ear when I went into Home Depot (where, I just realized, I forgot the shop vac bags!) because the music that was playing, though something I normally enjoy, the people walking around, the lighting...everything!  just set my nerves on edge and I couldn't wait to get out of there!!! 

I was supposed to have dinner with the kids, but my daughter left me a message to call when class was done.  I called to learn that she'd invited several other people over to consume her left over baked goods and I could still "come over if I felt like it".  Truly, I felt a combination of not really being welcome and a complete lack of desire for being in a small apartment with a bunch of strangers so I opted out, which I think she expected anyway.  I settled for a pizza and a few chicken bites, but grapefruit juice seemed to be more satisfying to my body. 

Now, at least partially resuscitated and rehydrated (that's another thing I can't seem to get enough of right now!) I'm trying to get my thoughts out in some kind of coherent order.  Please forgive me, dear readers, if this comes out all a-jumble.  I think I'm criss-crossing timelines right now so my thoughts are coming from multiple lifetimes, both in time and space. 

What I learned this weekend:  My second and fifth chakras are blocked,  and connected.  They also seem to be connected to the pain in my knees because I'm not "walking the talk".  The blockage seems to have a lot to do with painful experiences involving commitment and choices.  I'll definitely be exploring this further in the months to come!

I get vivid pictures of objects or issues in other peoples' lives.  I can also get a feeling for an injury even if I can't identify it, and instinctively know what kind of energy to call down to it.  ( I drew in a spiral shaped energy for one thing and a double helix for another without understanding why either was used). 

I discovered that when I "see" auras, what I really do is sense them and mentally translate it into colors.  The seal around my own energy field is the most amazing, luminescent gold color, and one I do not recall ever seeing before. 

I learned that my old shielding is not going to be effective any more, and I need to practice sealing my energy field instead.  Once let loose, it is challenging to contain!  Clearly, it is annoyed with me for keeping it caged for as long as I have, but really, I wasn't ready to let it out because there was, clearly, no way I would have been able to control it until now.  Even so, I'm struggling and will learn to value my "alone time" more than ever before!  I am just grateful that I don't have to try to explain this to either my daughter and son-in-law.  Though their experiences might be different, they get the concept and accept what I'm saying without question or disbelief.  In fact, in speaking to my son-in-law tonight, he, too, has done some distance healing.  Small wonder he ended up as a medic in the Navy!  Of much larger wonder is why they are dragging their heels getting him back into a unit on active duty and allowing him to further his medical training.  He's able to use his training to diagnose and offer healing in areas I don't even understand! 

Even now, I sit her and my skin is vibrating.  The energy pulsing around me should be causing electronics to misbehave and lights to flicker.  ( I guess I have it sealed well enough to prevent that, at least!) 

The best part of this is that I'm connecting with four women who understand being different and sometimes, thought to be weird.  I've always felt disconnected from my peers and never really fit in anywhere.  I never understood why, just that it was so. 

Part of it, certainly, is the block at my sacral chakra which may even stretch back several lifetimes.  It has made it difficult, if not impossible, for me to connect with people fully and completely.  I do know, though, that the time has come to heal the chakra and open myself up to connections.  In truth the healing has already begun, to some degree, as I've begun connecting with people more in the last couple of years.  It's a slow process for me as I seem to be without the normal complement of tools for this connection stuff.  But with the help of the ladies in my circle and a few who are more gifted than they realize from my dance community, I suspect the healing will be neither as lengthy or as painful as I might otherwise have expected. 

In the meantime, those gifted with sight may need sunglasses until I learn some control, but I will be asking my guides for some assistance in that area (unless, of course, (and this thought just came to me) I'm supposed to be glowing this brightly for now, in which case, I'll just have to get used to the brightness and heat for awhile!), as they see fit to guide me.  After the initial shock yesterday, the cats don't seem to be overly bothered by it, and, in fact, they seem to be enjoying it! 

I also warned my circle that my writing could become even more prolific now, and as this has already reached nearly 1400 words, I don't think I made that promise idly. 

Although, after making the decision to commit to this year-long training and all that it entails, I felt some trepidation and a whole bucket full of second thoughts, the confirmation I received in only the first weekend that what I'm seeing, feeling and otherwise sensing is accurate to the point of uncanny, has banished any of those thoughts and fears.  I also learned that everyone else had the same feelings.  I suppose we all sensed that parts of the process could be a little scary and open up places we had closed up so tightly that we didn't even know we had them!  But as we can't pass energy through closed areas in our own psyche's and energy fields, we're going to have to rip off all of those bandages at some point and let the air, sun and energy start the healing process.  But we won't be going through the process alone, but will have our circle of women to help us through. 

We bring a host of different experiences and knowledge to the table and, I believe, were brought together for a reason.  With each others' help, we'll all grow stronger, less fearful, more confident and able to take our place in the roles for which we were intended.  The world is changing quickly now, and we are part of that change.

One last thought.  During our meditation today, I kept hearing the word "Mother" in reference to myself.  Whenever I heard it, I felt that I needed to connect with the Crone who is to be my mentor and teacher, but, at the moment, I don't know who that might be.  That, too, will be revealed in the weeks and months to come.  I trust that my ancestors know and will provide her when the time is right.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am so blessed to have found the circle where I can safely learn to use my gifts.
2. I am so very grateful to finally have confirmation that the things I see are real.
3. I am grateful to be starting on a path to healing myself so that I can truly be of service to others.
4. I am grateful to be feeling more that I am Source, and understanding better what that actually means.
5. I am grateful to be connecting with my Sister Ancestors who have been anxiously awaiting the moment when they would be allowed to help me come into my gifts.

Love and light

July 27, 2013 Taking the first baby steps

Today was...a lot of things:

Awe inspiring


All in all, I exercised every part of myself in one way or another.  OK, except maybe that blasted sacral chakra which I've convinced myself is more trouble than it's worth.  But in spite of myself, it must be opened and running smoothly before this year is out. 

Interestingly, the throat chakra, center of communication, is also impaired right now.  No wonder I keep getting wads of gunk settling there!  The latest stall on my book is certainly a good indication that the throat chakra is not functioning at its best, but now it's in my face that I need to get some help to clear it and get it humming along in the proper direction soon.

The first day of class was long and took a lot out of me physically, emotionally and energetically.  Still, the feeling of energy pulsing across my skin is still very clear.  The images of auras (which I'm rediscovering I don't actually see with my eyes, but translate the vibrations into the colors I "see") were clear today.  I didn't see anything I expected, for which I am grateful because it means that my analytical brain wasn't putting ideas into the healer-in-training side of me.

I got a lot of reinforcement that what I think I'm seeing/feeling/sensing is very real!  That's what I'm looking for in the beginning, but ultimately, I want to strengthen my skills and my senses. 

I did feel like I was the only one in the class who didn't have any formal training in body work or energy work or something.  But what I lack in formal training, I seem to have, instead, a great deal of natural ability.  I sense energy in forms we hadn't studied yet, but which are classic examples of how healing energy and our own, body energies work.  For example, when I asked for healing energy for one of my classmates, I saw the energy spiralling up her arm, eventually settling down into a protective energy shell.

When work was being done on me, I saw a double helix between my throat and heart chakras which eventually settled down into more of a swirling pattern.

I sensed certain colors emanating from the instructor and found that they completely fit where her focus was. 

So far, I've depended on just looking at someone to sense energies.  I hope to try some other techniques in tomorrow's practice session.

At any rate, add a few hours of dancing to all of this and my energy has fallen below the necessary level to keep me conscious!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the things I've learned today.
2. I am grateful for the loving, giving, caring community of dancers to which I belong.
3. I am grateful for the warm, soft, cat-filled bed that is awaiting me.
4. I am grateful for the ability to have days like today, and look forward to many more.
5. I am grateful for being able to learn new things, even though I've left my youth far behind me.

Love and light

Friday, July 26, 2013

July 26, 2013 Beginnings

It's finally here!  The first weekend of my year long class in healing!  I'm gathering what I need tonight so I don't have to stress or worry in the morning.  I'll just eat a good breakfast, grab my pre-made lunch,  snacks and supplies and be on my way!  In a way, it's almost like a work day because I still have to have some of the same things ready in the morning.  The only difference is, I get to sleep a little later!

Other than that, I'm scattered to the winds tonight.  Had the last of the tests for the moment so I hope they'll figure things out by next week.  The test itself wasn't bad, the stuff I had to drink, not nearly as yukky as the last time, but it took three tries and two people to get the IV in so they could shoot dye into my veins for the "contrast" part.  I got a taste of how Loki feels!  I have a nice bruise on the inside of my right elbow and another on my hand, but they will fade in a few days and there's no permanent damage done.  I just have a body that doesn't like things poked into its veins, either to insert or extract! 

This body of mine has a few simple rules:
   1. Do not poke it with needles.
   2. Do not attempt to remove anything from it (especially blood!)
   3. Do not offer it chemicals of any kind, especially antibiotics!
   4. Give it lots of fresh fruits and veggies.
   5. Give it lots of exercise.
   6. Give it sufficient rest.
   7. Give it plenty of stress relieving activity (dancing, kitty cuddling, sunshine)

Pretty smart body, I'd say.  Now, if the brain would just listen better! 

All of us really have smart bodies, but we let our cravings and our less than healthy habits override the sanity sometimes.  We put sugar in the gas tank of what should be a finely tuned machine.  We fail to properly lubricate the joints when we don't move enough.  As humans, we are experts at self-sabotaging behavior despite the fact that listening to our inner machine really takes a lot less effort and sacrifice than we want to admit. 

I am the queen of self-sabotaging behavior.  I have to really fight with myself to keep from talking myself out of gym visits.  Despite having a refrigerator full of fruits and vegetables, I still take the longer walk to the freezer for frozen yogurt (which, admittedly is better than ice cream, but not as good as a pear!). 

But I've also learned that breaking the cycle of self-sabotage is a process.  It means setting intentions and allowing yourself to form healthier habits.  It means accepting the fact that you're going to slip at times and, instead of beating yourself up, then comforting yourself with more bad behavior, you learn to forgive yourself, then get right back on track.

I took a few days where I came home from work and parked my butt in front of the TV.  Then I got back to my better habits of an hour or two of TV, then some chores, walking around the house, reading, working on the computer, maybe organizing something.  It takes just a little bit to get up off of that couch and do something, anything else! 

Tonight, I downloaded iTunes on my computer so I could have access to the music I'd purchased and installed on my iPhone and iPad.  I got my things ready for tomorrow's class.  I will head into the kitchen soon to make a healthy salad for tomorrow's lunch and I'll scoop the sandboxes so my little darlings have a clean place to do their business.  All in all, I've again limited the amount of sitting doing virtually nothing, and the incredible machine I call my body is thanking me for it.

Small things. 

Seemingly inconsequential things. 

Minor changes. 

Baby steps. 

Like anything else in our lives, we don't have to change with world with everything we do.  We don't have to be the richest, most powerful, most philanthropic, most creative.  Our success is not measured against that of anyone else.  Our success means achieving our own goals.  It means setting that one good habit.  It means whatever is important to us:  no more, no less.

I used to feel embarrassed when other people would talk about how their children were at the top of their class, extraordinary athletes, artists or musicians, got into the best schools....yadda, yadda, yadda.  I finally realized that I had nothing to be embarrassed about.  I gave the girls the best I knew how and a lot of my time.  They have grown up to be what they value and are true to themselves.  As far as I'm concerned, that's success.  My daughter, Heather, has more social consciousness than I do and, in whatever way she can, she finds ways to help those less fortunate, to care about the environment and to help make the world a better place for all of its inhabitants, regardless of their species.  I've learned a great deal from her and gotten involved in humanitarian activities because of her.  She is a wonderful example.  She hasn't achieved her life goals yet, and has a whole basketful of them!  But she knows what she wants and that she has to prioritize.  As far as I'm concerned, she's very successful! 

The true keys to a successful life are:
  1. Listen to your body.
  2. Listen to your heart.
  3. Set goals for yourself.
  4. Allow the goals you set to manifest.
  5. Be true to yourself.
  6. Love yourself
  7. Measure yourself against your own standards, not those of someone else. 
  8. Forgive yourself.
  9. Know that you are not just a part of the Whole, you are the Whole.
 10. Keep thoughts, words and deeds positive.

I know I'll be letting go of a lot of old habits and beliefs over the next twelve months.  I know it will shake up my life, but I also know that it will clear old baggage and allow me to be an even better me than I have been so far.  I also know that I have been on a path to self-improvement for quite awhile and I'm ready to sweep out the dust and debris I've accumulated in the process.

A friend was telling me about the witch's broom she uses on the full moon to sweep out the negative, used energy and sweep in the positive, new energy.  I've captured that visual in my mind and will hold it as I begin the process of personal decluttering tomorrow.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for new beginnings.
2. I am grateful for my successes, big and small.
3. I am grateful for the lessons I've learned, and those I've yet to learn.
4. I am grateful for opportunities to get closer to my goals.
5. I am grateful that the medical tests are done, at least for a little while.

Love and light

Thursday, July 25, 2013

July 25, 2013 The challenge of remaining positive

Did you know that the slightest form of negativity can instantly sabotage a conversation? If you grumble about the weather or slightly frown when a colleague says something displeasing, stress neurochemicals are released in both the speaker’s AND listener’s brain.

A friend posted this today and I have to say that the article, which is quite a bit longer than what I've shared here, really resonated with me.  Thinking about it, it makes a whole lot of sense.  I can definitely feel the draw downward on the Laws of Attraction continuum when I so much as think  a complaining thought about someone or something.

So what do we do about it?  How do we set an intention to keep our thoughts as positive as possible?  How do we keep from draining our own batteries with negativity?

Here are some possibilities:
1. When you feel a complaint bubbling up inside of you, immediately think of something you appreciate about that person or situation.  (it's impossible for your brain to hold both a positive and a negative thought at the same time!)
2. Make a point of thinking about at least one gratitude per hour.
3. Catch yourself mid-complaint and ask "will this really matter in five years?"
4. Instead of voicing the complaint, make the biggest pouty face you can, then, once you've stopped giggling, release the complaint without voicing it (if you can even still remember what it was!).
5. Whenever you are in the bathroom (or any place else that has a mirror or mirror-like surface), look yourself in the mirror and say "I'm beautiful, sexy and delicious!"
6. Perform random acts of kindness.
7. Engage in random acts of silliness.
8. Give someone a hug, just because.
9. Gather "positivity buddies" around you to help each other remember to keep thoughts, words and deeds positive.
10. Give lots of compliments and praise.
 11. Sing along with the radio.
12. Dance to the music in the stores where you shop.
13. Actively seek out the humor in every situation.
14.  Laugh or smile for no reason.
15. Throw imaginary heart shaped confetti at anyone or anything which threatens your positive outlook.

And wouldn't you know, because I started this train of thought today, someone would throw something in my way that required me to stop my spew of negativity mid-stride (though not as quickly as I would have liked!)  The Universe just loves to show me how far I have to go, and leaves it to me to recognize how far I have come!  But in the end, I found the solution, and will calmly express my disappointment in the behavior to the appropriate parties and let go of the situation.  Once again, it isn't what people do that matters, but how we react to what they do.  In this case, turning my attention to the wonderful people around me, the happy, dancing energy and new connections defused the negative energy.  (not to mention, the song we needed on my phone which was easily connected to the dj equipment and used temporarily until it can be replaced in their system with a little help from their friends!)

I also realized that people stoop to petty, childish behavior when they think they need to control something that doesn't need controlling.  It is probably an indication of how out of control their own life is.  This is the same behavior that leads some to eating disorders or alcoholism, and the best I can do for them is to send love and light, but disengage my own emotions from the situation.  And so it shall be.

I look forward to hearing how other people maintain or restore their natural, positive energy amidst life's challenges.  We can all learn from each other (like number 15 which I borrowed from a friend, and have used extensively ever since!).

As I'm learning since posting this blog more publicly, the life lessons I've learned may be helpful to someone else, and the lessons someone else has learned may be helpful to me.  What better way to share positive energy than to offer each other examples of how we met and overcame life's challenges?

So here's another one for you.  Let's get out there and engage in random acts of sharing!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for dancing which never fails to center and ground me.
2. I am grateful for the loving inspiring, spiritual beings who are continuing to come into my life and enrich it beyond anything I could have imagined.
3. I am grateful for the opportunity to expand myself and my abilities to help others.
4. I am grateful for information that comes to me exactly when I need it and am ready for it.
5. I am grateful for unconditional love.

Love and light.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

July 24, 2013 It's all about the journey

So, here it is, Day 24 of the July UBC (although I'm one of the diehards who stuck with it since April!) and I'm once again sitting in front of my computer without a single thought about what I'm going to fill my page with tonight.  Yesterday, after missing a couple of days as a result of my "procedure", I managed nearly 2000 words.  But tonight, I have nary a clue as to what I might come up with to either amuse or make you go "hmmmm" with. 

I could dig into the news and join the masses blogging about yet another Royal Event, but although it's nice to see the airwaves and internet filled with something wondrous and miraculous instead of hateful and evil, I think it's gotten enough press and I have nothing new to add.

I do find myself hiding or altogether blocking the continued discussions and comparisons to the Zimmerman/Martin tragedy.  My goal and purpose are to focus on good news and life affirming events as opposed to man's continued inhumanity to man.  It matters not who is right and who is wrong at this point, as the decision was made, so we need to let it go, take any lesson we might have learned which directly affects our own, personal path (and for many, there is really nothing), and get on with the business of doing some good with our lives.

I realize that there is still a great deal of unfairness in our world, but continuing to show examples of it and rant about it isn't going to change it.  Dr. Martin Luther King, one of the greats at implementing changes to our world said it best when he said "I have a dream".  That is how change begins!  It isn't in the hands of the whiners, the criers, the protesters or the people who trash a community to prove a point. 

It is in the hands of those who dare to dream of a better world, then set about allowing ways to make it happen to come into their lives. 

One of my dreams is to become a healer, but one who not only heals people, but animals, and, even more important, our sadly abused Earth.  I put that dream out to the Universe, and when it deemed I was ready, it sent me the first of what I feel certain will be a long series of trainings to enable me to fulfill that dream.  I may accomplish the dream in a series of teeny, tiny baby steps, or I may see some baby steps interspersed with leaps and bounds.  The how has never mattered, nor does it now.  It's simply getting there.  Just as where we're going isn't the most important part:  it's the journey which really matters, and makes us the people we are meant to become.

Training, for me, is the next step in my journey.  I will see many places and things along the way which I'm sure will change my life, but it is the journey of learning and expanding my own consciousness which gets me excited.  Uncovering hidden wonders, both in myself and in the universe around me are the real draws, the things which will bring me the most joy.  In fact, I would venture to say that I don't really have a destination because I expect to continue traveling wherever this road takes me, living one adventure after another without expectations, but with my eyes open as a child, in wonder at each new discovery. 

Here I am, back on the topic of seeing the world through the eyes of a child, and rediscovering the ability to see it from our own eyes and our own childlike wonder!  That tells me that this is important right now.  It is important to allow that innocence, that lack of expectation, that sense of wonder with everything I encounter which needs to lead the way now. 

I have my own dream now.  I see the world as endless, limitless and amazing.  Nothing is impossible.  If we can dream it, we can do it.  Life is a great big puzzle.  In order to make things happen, we have but to start moving the pieces around.  Some will fit together and some won't.  We will take apart the things we've put together and put pieces together in completely different configurations.  It is no longer about right and wrong, but about what else we can do with what we have. 

I had a game when I was young called Pythagoras.  It contained a number of plastic pieces in various geometric shapes.  The trick was to recreate various pictures with those shapes, but you had to use all of the shapes for each picture.  That's pretty much how I'm seeing my life at this juncture.  I have all of the pieces, but I also have an infinite number of ways I can arrange them.  Some will have better results than others, and some will flat out surprise me when I encounter them as they didn't really seem possible until I, perhaps accidentally, fit the pieces together into that form, but every single one, regardless of how farfetched, is a possibility. 

Maybe I have a whole bunch of these little sets of geometric shapes, but all a little different, and maybe some of my creations will involve pulling pieces from different sets to make something bigger.  Once again, the "how" doesn't matter.  It's all about the journey.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I am rediscovering my childlike wonder.
2. I am grateful for all of my first steps.
3. I am grateful for journeys both large and small.
4. I am grateful for the opportunity to continue learning new and different things.
5. I am grateful for the chance to learn how to make a life instead of just making a living.

Love and light.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

July 23, 2013 Re-learning to be a sponge.

I've been rather remiss in posting these last two days but given what I was going through, I've given myself a pass.  Sunday was a delightful day spent eating nothing but clear fluids then, well, I'll spare you the details.  Monday saw no sustenance until about noon, and a day spent recovering from anesthesia.  Waking up this morning feeling nauseous and experiencing lower back pains the likes of which I thought I'd left behind with the birth of my children put the cap on the whole thing.

Thankfully, I seem to be seeing improvement by the hour and they still haven't found a reason for the pains I've been having.  I have to say, though, that finding nothing, in this case, is wonderful news!!!  Too many of my peers are finding something these days, and it isn't good!  So I'm very grateful that all of the tests I've had so far show me to be healthy and as close to normal as I get!

In the midst of it all, the crazy, disconnected dreams have returned.  One found me at a party at someone's home up in the mountains where nobody seemed to notice or care whether the person they were talking to was naked or clothed.  People at the party ranged from people I knew in high school who were now grown, to friends from dancing to complete strangers.  The main room had a large wooden floor on which I saw some of the weirdest line dances I've ever seen!  (one involved scootching along the floor on your tush while waving your hands around in some elaborate pattern!)

A group of us decided to head down to a local mall where a series of twists and turns slowly separated us until I found myself alone.  Patting my hip pockets, I couldn't find my cell phone and thought I was without it until I found myself talking to Heather and realized that it must be on me or my headset wouldn't pick her up.  I realized I was wearing cargo pants and the cell phone along with some other helpful items was in one of the lower pockets.

As I was arranging for Heather to pick me up, the dream ended with Toby climbing on top of me for attention, soaking wet!  Where he managed to get his head and neck soaked continues to be a mystery as he was much too wet for it to have been the result of another cat's grooming.  By the time I awoke again with the pain in my back greatly reduced, he was dry again.

As things return to normal, serendipity set in and this appeared on my Facebook page.  It reminds me of the song "Celebrate" which my friends and I used to change by inserting other words ending in "ate", some, admittedly, on the raunchy side.

This one would become "Contaminate, contaminate, smile to the music!"  Although we typically tended to get closer to the meaning of the word, e.g. "masticate, masticate, chew tot he music."  So this one would come out more like "contaminate, contaminate, infect to the music!"

OK, so great poetry it wasn't, but we were college students and were easily amused.  Oh, wait!  I'm still easily amused!

Which takes me to another topic change.  As children, we tend to laugh at almost anything.  I watch my adopted son's little boy crack up at the craziest things, and remember how little it took to make me laugh when I was his age.  As time went on, I would continue to find amusement with my friends while still in that semi-irresponsible period of time known as "childhood" which encompassed my teenage years as well.

But as I left the childhood years behind and had to learn to become a responsible adult, the carefree, easily amused times became less and less frequent and as I succumbed to the drudgery of making a living (as opposed to making a life), married a man who was a good fit for me at the time but not for a lifetime, had my daughters and faced all of the financial and time sucking challenges children and a job can take if we don't learn to control them ourselves, I lost the ability entirely for awhile.

Ending the marriage was certainly the first step in rediscovering the ability, and certainly, spending time with my daughters helped a lot.  Seeing things through their eyes reminded me of how silly life really is.

Sadly, their teenage years coincided with my losing my sense of humor yet again.  Their angst, my job challenges, and numerous other soul sucking events led me to allowing that child-like view of the world to go dormant again.  In so doing, I discovered what it was like to feel like a victim, live in a kind of somnambulant, depressed state, and drag myself out to do what needed to be done.  At the same time, I decided I was too busy with the girls and their activities to dance, and that really put the stopper on the bottle!  The fact that I didn't turn to drink at the time is a tribute to my years of living with an alcoholic which made the uncontrolled state of inebriation anathema to me.  It probably also saved me from going into a deep, dark hole from which I might not have, so easily emerged a few years later!

I am happy to say that, largely because of my dancing and dance friends, I have rediscovered the ability to find humor in almost anything.  While I'm still working on being less serious (except, of course, when necessary), the road to living life through humor is growing ever wider, and, thankfully, more the rule than the exception these days.

Nothing sucks the life out of us like absence of laughter.  In fact, laughter has been proven to have incredible healing properties as well.  But the Laws of Attraction show us that you just can't leap from thoroughly beaten down to laughing at nothing in one swell foop.  Like anything else, it's a progression.

I don't remember making that progression, but I do remember deciding not to be sad and lonely any more.  Clearly, that was enough, as the Universe took care of the rest.  Certainly, there were times when I slid backwards during the process, and times when I still felt alone, dejected and angry, but in the end, those aren't memories which linger or feel important, other than as steps to where I am today. 

Of course, I didn't just sit back and wait either. I watched "The Secret" and started reading the Abraham books by Esther and Jerry Hicks.  It was when I read "Ask and it is Given" and found the scale of emotions that I think I started really paying attention, though, looking at it now, from position 1 instead of 22 makes it all look pretty amazing!  That I climbed the emotional ladder from the very bottom all the way to the top  just blows my mind!  In case you're unfamiliar with that scale, I'll post it, though, with the same qualification they used which is that it will look "something like this".  Everyone is unique so they're emotional scales will vary accordingly.

1. Joy/Knowledge/Empowerment/Freedom/Love/Appreciation
2. Passion
3. Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness
4. Positive Expectation/Belief
5. Optimism
6. Hopefulness
7. Contentment
8. Boredom
9. Pessimism
10. Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
11. "Overwhelment"
12. Disappointment
13. Doubt
14. Worry
15. Blame
16. Discouragement
17. Anger
18. Revenge
19. Hatred/Rage
20. Jealousy
21. Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
22. Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness

I'm glad I brought this list up, because it reminds me that we don't stay continuously at the top level, and frankly, it would be boring to me and annoying to everyone else if I did!  For the most part, I tend to stay in the 1-7 range, but there are certainly times, even now, when I become bored, frustrated and even overwhelmed.  The difference, today, is that I don't stay at any of those levels for very long and don't allow myself to fall further down the ladder in the process.

Certainly as a mother, I will always hit "worry" on occasion, but I've also learned to take that opportunity to throw a whole lot of positive energy at whoever or whatever is causing that worry, then let it go as I know that I've done all I can do to help the situation.  Essentially, it's all a matter of recognizing where you are and doing what is necessary to let go of the negative energy, replacing it with positive.

I rather like spending time at 2 and 3 as well.  Feeling passion or enthusiasm for whatever I'm doing really goes hand in hand with feeling joy.  As far as I'm concerned, you really can't have one without the other, so when I'm feeling joyful, it is a direct result of feeling passionate and enthusiastic about my life and whatever I'm doing with it at a moment in time.

That could be dancing and chatting with my friends or spending a quiet day working on my book, or even making my living space a little more liveable.  Right now, it will also mean working on the class which starts next weekend and will bring me that much closer to my life purpose.

"Life Purpose".  Now there's one to really try to wrap your head around!  Each incarnation brings with it some purpose, some lesson we are here to accomplish.  Some people find theirs early on, while others, like me, take longer to get there.  It doesn't mean we're slower, it just means that our purpose requires a lot more life experiences before we can truly manifest that purpose.  I realize, at this point, that my parents' suicides, my seemingly ill-advised marriage, my rift with one of my daughters and all of the other experiences I've had or am having are all part of what makes me the right person for the job.

I had to have those experiences, learn from them and evolve before I was anywhere near ready for the task which awaited me.  Am I done learning what I need to know before embarking on that all-important purpose?  It's hard to say, but I do know that I'm seeing doors opening more quickly these days, and know I'm getting closer.  But even when I finally reach the top of that mountain, the lessons won't stop.  Effectiveness depends on continued education, just as a teacher must continue to learn in order to teach her students (and often, those lessons come from the students, themselves), fulfillment of purpose requires continued evolution and adaptation to the environment.

As a child, we are like a sponge, learning everything and anything.  As an adult, we need to learn to be open and sponge-like again, as we often let ourselves get stuck in a single area instead of allowing ourselves to be open to whatever comes our way.

My gratitudes today are:

1. I am grateful for the many lessons I've been given.
2. I am grateful for my loving, caring friends who teach me so much about life.
3. I am grateful for the progress I've made, and the progress I continue to make towards my life purpose.
4. I am grateful for the opportunity to enrich my experience by learning something new.
5. I am grateful for continued abundance in health, opportunities, learning and prosperity.

Love and light

Sunday, July 21, 2013

July 20, 2013 A little bit o' this and a little bit o' that

Tonight's post is likely to be even more scattered and disconnected than most.  I danced a lot more than usual tonight and as a result, I'm extremely hyped up and wired.   In fact, I can't even find a place to start!

I'm continuing to read through "Healing Hands", the book for my class, and am finding it to be pretty interesting.  I'm just reading it for content right now, so I'm not doing any of the exercises, some of which require another person or group anyway.  I did find myself trying to test my aura reading at the club tonight, but the funny thing about dancers is that, even when they're not dancing, they are not known for staying still very long!  After awhile, I gave it up, drank my glass of wine, chatted with my friends and, of course, danced a lot!  In the 3 1/2 hours I was there, I was probably on the dance floor at least 2!  That, for me, is a particularly good night, though my knees may not be thanking me by morning!  (little do they know, it's leg day at the gym tomorrow too!)

So, I go in for the procedure I've been putting off for years on Monday, and they give me this stuff to clean me out.  I ask you, what kind of psychotic whacko names the stuff "Golytely"????  Seriously???  According to everyone I've talked to who's been through this, "lytely" is as far from reality as you can get!!!  Krakatoa was a slight burp in comparison!  I certainly wouldn't trust the perpetrator of that name to give me an accurate description of anything!  I could just see it:

"Niagra Falls?  Just a gentle stream.  You'll be just fine in a row boat!"
"Montana in the winter time?  It does get a little nippy.  You might want to pack a windbreaker."
"That 12 gauge?  It's a sweet little gun.  No kick at all!  A lady could handle it just fine!"
"Oh, yeah, I eat those habaneros by the handfull!  Mild and sweet!"

I definitely would NOT buy a car from that guy!  The wheels would probably fall off as soon as I drove it off the lot!   But I have to put his deceptively named product in my body tomorrow.  Who is the fool here???  And speaking of not buying cars, I will certainly avoid the dealership where my friend worked briefly.  The sales manager is an abusive jerk and I make a point of working with people who treat others right.  He is so far out of that category that I'm tempted to warn people to go elsewhere!  As a manager, I've been accused of being hard on people, but this creep makes me look like Mother Teresa!

The stories I heard sound a lot like a man I worked for a few years ago.  He honestly believed that the way to get his salespeople to sell more was to get them all into his office and spend an hour or two berating them.  Small surprise that every one of them quit inside of a year! 

I realize that there is a school of thought that preaches motivation by intimidation, but I've never really understood it.  I would think that humans perform better when they are praised and rewarded rather than when they are abused and berated.  I'm sure there have been numerous studies done to determine what truly motivates people.  I might even try to track a few down...in my spare time.

I'm looking forward to really learning how to distance heal and know when what I've done is actually effective, but the more I read, the more I realize that the first thing I need to do is clear all of my own junk.  That makes a lot of sense because, if I have my own stuff cluttering up my senses, I'm not going to be very useful to other people.  I suspect that some of that clearing is going to be rather uncomfortable at best, but I can't really see any downside to it.  Still, I find it incredibly simple to visualize a ball filled with pure, green energy and am sending quite a few of them to a lady I know who is quite ill right now. 

I also spent some time the other day trying to clear some of the stuff from Loki's system.  At that time, my green energy turned to rose and I found myself thinking "ok, if that's what you want to be, I will let go and let you be".  Energy is a funny thing.  Sometimes it goes where you want it to, and others, it has a mind of its own, but I have learned that when mine does decide it wants to do something other than what I want, it's best to defer to the energy as it is likely to have a better handle on what is truly needed.

But I do feel that I was able to clear some of the toxins away for her, and tried to add some energy to her kidneys in hopes that they might grow a little bigger so they'd be better able to do the job for which they were intended.  The good news is, when I weighed her today, she's finally back up to 6 pounds!  I'm so excited because she's been about 5.4 for weeks now, and that's just too skinny!  She could still stand to gain another pound or two, but I'm taking each small victory!

Of course, being the visualizer I am, I picture a giant Roto Rooter machine, clearing all of the junk from my chakras and of course, my brain, where the junk likes to hang out and play with the dust bunnies!
Or maybe a shop vac, sucking all of the trash out!  (it would have to be one monster of a shop vac to clear 58 years of trials and tribulations, comedy and drama, small goofs and gigantic "what were you thinking" gaffes)...this will definitely take some work.  But I'm hoping that when I'm through, some of the areas of tension I haven't been able to release will be so relaxed, they'll feel like mush!  Then the only aches will be from my workouts at the gym!  (she says as she rubs her shoulder to try to work out some of the aches from yesterday's abuse session!)

I think I've rambled on long enough tonight, so I'll end with my gratitudes as always:
1. I am grateful for incredibly stupendous nights of dancing.
2. I am grateful for my loving, caring, compassionate friends.
3. I am grateful for my kids who help me take care of my furry children, and make sure that my health is looked after as well.
4. I am grateful for the resolution of my internet/tv problems which only took about 3 1/2 weeks, all told.
5. I am grateful that I have plenty to keep my busy and my mind occupied tomorrow while I follow doctor's orders.

Love and light

Friday, July 19, 2013

July 19, 2013 The calm after the storm, but the times, they are a'changin'!

After a crazy busy morning, this week of gale force winds, figuratively speaking, wound down to a nice, peaceful, air cooling breeze.  Friday afternoon found everyone unwinding from the rapid fire tasks we saw the rest of the week, and finding a little time to just laugh and chat.  It was quite cathartic.

I, for one, followed it up with a very good, very sweaty workout and a relaxing evening at home with my cats.  

I did find, though, that I couldn't really settle.  I tried watching TV, but turned it off after a few minutes.  Then I tried reading a book I'd downloaded.  It failed to hold my interest.  I tried playing a computer game and was doing ok with that until the kids came by to help with Loki's meds (that darned cat is getting really strong now that the bladder infection is winding down.)  You cannot believe how tightly a 5.4 pound cat can clamp her jaws and how hard she can kick out her feet when you're doing something that clearly does not interest her.  She's much better behaved when we stick the needle in her back to give her fluids!  I guess we've been doing that for so long, she just sort of resigns herself to the process, and at least we're not messing with her mouth!

As I said, I'm having a difficult time settling tonight.  I was going to relax, maybe do a mask, wash my hair.. girlie stuff, but never did get around to it.  In fact, Ahsantara Gray, the Celtic Faery Seer posted this today, and it is almost like she was in my head!

"Lots of shifts are happening this week my friends. I'm finding many souls are experiencing intense periods of tiredness or melancholy as they 'reflect' on the past. This is all natural and as it should be. We are collectively experiencing a 'shift' in our vibrations. Symptoms of this can include fatigue; doubt (with yourself or others) or extreme ungrounded positivity regarding your path ahead; confusion or overflowing ideas; sore throats and headaches, and dramatic 'changes' regarding friendships (either feeling particularly bonded to certain people or unusually repelled by them). Be gentle with yourself if you're feeling these shifts, and with anyone who is exhibiting signs and symptoms. Send heartfelt waves of compassion and understanding to anyone who you feel is struggling (in the form of a pink and green light), and remember to include yourself in this! All will be well my friends, simply flow with the changes, look for the goodness around you, and simply BE" 

Inasmuch as I woke up in the middle of the night with a raging headache which, despite my best efforts, continued into the morning (much to Toby's delight as it meant I was awake more and available to pay more attention to himself!), and actually spent most of yesterday with a dull throb that was more annoying than painful, I guess I must be shifting more than most!  Again, this is no surprise, as I've been experiencing some interesting dreams and feelings of change over the last week or two.  I've also been sending out healing energy to different people, as well as to Loki.  Typically, my healing energy is a bright green, but I noticed while I was giving some to Loki that it wanted to be pink, so I just let it be.

It's especially surprising that my energy level is so high given how little sleep I got last night, but that may just be part of the whole energy shift that's going on.  I may be so tapped into the flow that my own sleep pattern no longer affects my energy level.  I am one with the energy of the Universe.  That is not a bad thing, by any means!  I do, however, need to figure out how to contain it so that I can actually get some things done!  Right now, I'm just a will o' the wisp, dancing on the wind currents!

I'm looking forward to the start of my class, but find myself obsessing over stupid things like what will I eat for breakfast and what should I wear.  The same is true of a full moon teleconference I've signed up for.  I'm obsessing over missing the call and have put reminders all over the place! 

This is especially disconcerting as I'm really not the obsessive type.  Thankfully, my obsessiveness seems to be limiting itself to things having to do with my Spiritual path, but as that is becoming a very big part of my life, the obsessing could reach epic proportions if not dealt with right now!  Somehow, I don't think becoming obsessive is part of my path!

I am getting validation for these unsettled feelings as the cats continue to be very clingy and talkative.  Munchkin has been nagging almost continuously, Toby and Loki take every opportunity to park themselves in my lap and Scooby and Dylan are never far away.  Even my old girl, Patches, is dragging her chubby butt out of her hidey hole a lot more often right now.

The feeling that is strongest in my mind right now is best described in a song by Bob Dylan called "The Times They are a'changing"    As far as I'm concerned, the words are even more fitting now than when he recorded the song in 1964!

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.

What changes are you feeling or experiencing right now?

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that the chaos has broken, at least for now.
2. I am grateful to be living in a time when the world is changing dramatically and that I get to be a part of those changes.
3. I am grateful for the confirmations I am getting from many other sources concerning my feelings and expectations in the days ahead.
4. I am grateful for the input and support I am getting from other bloggers.
5. I am grateful for increased energy levels in spite of loss of sleep.

July 18, 2013 Counting our blessings

Tonight, many of us from the dance community were given pause to think about how much we are blessed.  Although most of the people I am closest too won't see 50 again, we're all in reasonably good health, aside from a few aches and pains which go along with bodies that are active and used often.  Some in the group have more serious concerns, but all are able to manage them. 

But as we are aging, we are facing the reality that some members of our community are going to be facing serious and sometimes life threatening health issues.  That reality can arise anywhere, any time.  So, as we stood there discussing one person's journey, we also counted our own blessings and expressed gratitude for our continued good health while sending thoughts of love and healing to those less fortunate. 

While I'm feeling some trepidation about the test I will be undergoing on Monday, I feel confident that nothing out of the ordinary will come out of it.  I have had numerous dreams involving grandchildren and times in the distant future, so I don't feel that my time is anywhere near.

But really, do any of us, aside from those who take matters into their own hands, truly have the ability to sense that we are coming to the end of our current cycle?  If we did, wouldn't we ensure that all of our affairs were in order?  And if we did get some kind of sign, would we give it any merit or would we just figure that we were imagining things.

I don't think knowing how long you have in your current human existence is something any of us needs to know, if for no other reason than that it would likely inhibit any goal setting or striving we might do otherwise. 

If I knew that my time would be up in a year, two years, five, what kind of effort would I make to ensure that I leave the mark on the world I believe is mine to leave?  Would I just chuck it all, or would I drop everything else and focus all of my efforts on that goal?  Would I overlook a whole bunch of steps that really needed to be taken first in my hurry to get everything I thought needed to be done before my time came?

I think we need to live our lives, making our plans, setting our goals and pursuing them in the fashion we normally would, blissfully unaware of when our plug might be pulled.  Otherwise, we might miss something really important in our hurry to accomplish everything, or conversely, we might just give it all up and decide that it wasn't worth it to put forth the effort if we weren't going to be around long enough to enjoy it,

Either way, this is one time when I believe that ignorance is bliss.  I want to continue believing that I have plenty of time to establish my habits one by one, taking all the time I need to set each new one. 

I want to continue believing that I can set a goal that will take me a year to achieve, and that will just be a stepping stone for a whole bunch of other things I want to do and will discover after I have a few more lessons under my belt.

I want to believe that I'll be here to love each one of my cats to the end of his or her life, and may still adopt others as my brood thins. 

I want to believe that I will be here to love and spoil the grandchildren who have not yet been born, to observe all of their graduations and special events, and be present at their weddings. 

I want to believe that my life's purpose, which is still struggling to push through the soil, will be fulfilled beyond anything I can currently imagine.

And I want to continue to count my blessings, even as I discover more.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the continued good health of myself, my friends and my family.
2. I am grateful for the plethora of blessings in my life.
3. I am grateful for friends who are loving, compassionate, sensitive and connected.
4. I am grateful for aches and pains that remind me both that I am alive and that I need to take good care of myself.
5. I am grateful for hopes and dreams and goals and plans and things to look forward to, even if I don't know what all of them are right now.

Love and light.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

July 17, 2013 Evolution or revolution?

Past lives?  Concurrent lives in different dimensions?  Direct connection to all souls as Source?

There are many ways to look at our multiple lives, our distinct Human existences during which we move further along our path towards Understanding.

For many years, I've believed that I've lived an innumerable series of past lives, met a lot of the same souls, struggled to learn lessons and to overcome conflicts with the souls I interact with repeatedly.  In the last few years, though, I've been introduced to other possibilities.

One is that I am Source:  In other words, I am not a part of the Universal Whole, but the Whole itself.  All of the souls with whom I interact are part of me and I of them.  The connection is unbroken.  This has some frightening aspects as it means that the Hitlers and Khomeinis and a whole slew of others who, to me, epitomize evil beyond belief are also a part of me.

One I learned of more recently involves multiple dimensions in which I exist simultaneously, and can, at least at times, share memories with.  This one raises the obvious question:  Can I move between those dimensions?  And, if so, what happens when I do?  Does the me in one dimension have to move if the me from another dimension decides to pop in for a visit?  Can we occupy the same dimension at the same time?    

Clearly, this possibility raises some very Heinlein-esque plot twists, if nothing else!  If I do change dimensions do I drop in wearing nothing but a smile?  Yikes!!!!  Things might certainly get ugly, or at least require some fancy footwork and creative explaining under those circumstances!

OK, I admit that I've read far too much science fiction in my day, but I've reached a point, in the last few days, where I'm starting to question my beliefs on many levels.

The reality is, we as humans take a lot of things on faith.  Whether it is our spiritual belief system, our trust in other human beings, or the reason we seem to remember things we don't recall experiencing (deja vu anyone?).  There are many things in which we believe without having actual, tangible proof of the existence or veracity of that belief.

That's not to say, what we believe isn't true, but we can't prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Which makes it that much easier to question our own beliefs when presented with a viable option. 

Unfortunately, questioning those seemingly rock solid beliefs has that unnerving effect of shaking the very foundation on which we stand. 

Again, this is not a bad thing, necessarily.  Rethinking our position from time to time ensures that we keep that foundation strong but flexible.  Earthquake proof, as it were. 

A tree that is allowed to stand completely still for a long period of time becomes very solid, nearly petrified over time.  If suddenly, a gale force wind comes along, the tree has no flexibility and thus, can only snap in two rather than bend to allow the wind to pass.

Testing our beliefs to make sure they're still valid ensures that they remain flexible, yet strong.  Consideration of other possibilities can occur without damaging the underlying foundation.  Realizing that as perceptions change, beliefs can evolve means that we don't experience the effects of the Tower card I mentioned in a previous post, in which an entire structure has to be destroyed in order to rebuild on a clean base.  Sure, in the past, I believed that this needed to be a door, but as I've learned more, I realize this can be just as effective as a window, while the door belongs where, once, there was a solid wall. 

Or better still, walls, doors, windows are merely constructs our mind makes but all are made of energy and are really no more solid than the air.  If we match our vibration to them, they can no longer keep us in...or out. 

My mind, this week, is wandering outside of its traditional path, opening to possibilities previously unexplored, and finding that nothing is as it seemed any more.  I've lost my certainty about the very basics of my belief system, and instead of feeling trepidation, I feel a heightened awareness and excited anticipation towards the new discoveries I'm going to be making.  I am fired up about throwing all of the old rules out the energy space/window and redefining the most basic of concepts, then tossing them aside and redefining yet  again! 

The only absolute I have now is that there is no absolute, and that suits me just fine!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the freedom I feel at being able to toss everything aside and start all over.
2. I am grateful for new beginnings which could not even have been conceived of a month ago!
3. I am grateful for the energy I can see swirling in and around me, through and of all things.
4. I am grateful for a raising of my vibrational level, and that it occurred with no effort on my part.
5. I am grateful for everything in its own time and space.

Love and light


Wednesday, July 17, 2013

July 16, 2013 Hurricane arrived on schedule

As I suspected, the hurricane made its appearance, beginning with waking with a headache, and culminating with work craziness done from home between headaches, and dealing with a manager who'd rather blow hard than listen.  No matter as I simply inserted a co-worker who was more likely to be heard. 

I realize this is a lesson for me, but it's no less frustrating every time I have to deal with this man and he blows me off like what I say is unimportant.  I know it means that I need to pay more attention to giving other people my full attention, but it is still no less insulting, frustrating and annoying to have to go through this time and time again.  The worst part is, I was not only right, but the guy made a fool of himself with the customer who pointed out the same error I was trying to communicate to him.  <sigh>

But the task was completed, regardless, and I ended up working about half a day from home, juggling a couple of tasks.  And tomorrow is another day!

After losing two pounds this week, I gave in to a craving for pizza, but this time I was smart and ordered a small, ate 3/4 of it and threw the rest away.  There will be no leftovers for me to be tempted with over the next couple of days.  I also didn't eat overmuch today aside from the pizza.  Just veggies, fruit and some chicken. 

I started reading the first book for my class today, felt some really good energy while reading and had a few minutes where I felt the need to send some healing energy to a sick acquaintance.  I also started feeling dissatisfied, knowing that I am not yet doing what I truly want to do.

Part of the dissatisfaction lay in the fact that I know I'm on the right path, but that it's going to take awhile to get to where I need to be, and in the meantime, I have a great deal to learn, and probably even more than I realize at this point in time. 

Maybe that's part of it too.  The book talks about 15 years spent learning one thing and 5 years spent learning another and so on, while I'm thinking "I don't see that I need to be an expert in all of these fields like the author in order to be successful at helping people with the techniques I'll be learning."  

It reminded me a bit of those who practice western medicine.  Oftentimes, they close their eyes to the possibility that other methods are effective too.  That anything which does not involve pills or surgery is just a lot of bunk.

In this case, if you don't have a Phd in Physics and 5 years experience as a massage therapist and years of working for NASA and years of study in anatomy and physiology, you can't possibly be qualified to recognize what irregularities in the aura represent, much less do anything about them. 

Maybe I'm naive, but I believe that some people require a lot of formal training in order to be able to recognize things, and others have an innate sense which just needs to be guided and strengthened.  It frustrates me to get a sense of discouragement right out of the gate instead of recognition that there are many levels of sense, knowledge and ability.  Nor am I impressed by someone who can set up an office in New York City and be sought after by all manner of high level people.  I don't need or want that in my life.

What I learned today, mixed in with some truly interesting information is that I'm going to have to work a little harder to keep my mind open to the valuable information contained in this text and try to overlook the self-aggrandizement in which the author occasionally engages. 

The fact is, I don't really give a damn about being the best, the brightest or the most sought after.  I care about helping people in any way that I can, without concern for fame or fortune in the process. 

Maybe someone who has engaged in the practice long enough to write a book about it feels they have the right to toot their own horn, and maybe they're right.  But to come out and state that their qualifications and degrees are the only way to go is just a little more than I need or care about.  I'm reading what they wrote for the knowledge I might impart, not the glory they've achieved. 

I guess what I learned to day is that I have to completely depersonalize what I'm reading, and just take the words and their meaning at face value.  Or maybe it was just the hurricane-ish day, the discomfort I was feeling and perhaps a bit of oversensitivity. 

The best part of it all is that tomorrow is another day, the sun will come up and today's challenges will be behind me!

My gratitudes tonight are:

1. I am grateful that the aggravations of today can be relegated to history and be left behind me when I close my eyes to sleep.
2. I am grateful to have my universe expanded and to be learning more about things I've experienced most of my life.
3. I am grateful that my headaches finally abated this afternoon.
4. I am grateful that the tasks requiring completion were, in spite of the challenges, completed as required.
5. I am grateful that it's time to climb into bed, close my eyes, and snuggle with a kitty or two who demands nothing more of me than my warm body to cuddle with.

Love and light.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

July 15, 2013 An Eye of the Hurricane kind of day.

Today, things are moseying along, kind of slow, but with a feeling of waiting in the air.  It's as if all of those things that will need to be done yesterday are standing in line, waiting for more of their kind to arrive before rushing in, hell bent for leather, shouting:  "Me!  Me!  Me!  Pick me first!  No, Me!!!"

The Powers that Be are trying to lull me into a false sense of security with claims of: "Hey, why rush?  It's the lazy days of summer.  Don't worry, be happy!  It can all be done manana!  Relax.  Take a load off!  Tomorrow will get here soon enough!"

But I've learned to be wary of those little gremlins!  The minute I take their advice, put my feet up and get comfortable, WHAM!!!!    I'm knocked buckle over bootstraps!

As I've mentioned before, I truly believe I am the Universe's personal purveyor of comic relief and said entity takes great pleasure in having a laugh or two at my expense!  This is one of those days when I know a real gut buster is coming, but the where or why is currently up for grabs, making me especially susceptible to the warped sense of timing the Universe prides itself on employing.  That self-same Universe is doing its darndest to lull me into a false sense of security, as the day ended with the same eery calm. 

"But you will not lull me, you purveyor of head slaps!  I know you have something up your...er...sleeve ready to whack me in the back of the head the minute I drop my guard!  For once, I refuse to give you the satisfaction!"

I have all of my alarms set to engage at the merest hint of winds and my bug zapper is set on "stun".  There may well be challenges ahead, but I have learned many lessons and won't go into these, unprepared.  I have a well-stocked tool box gleaned from those many lessons and will not hesitate to make use of all of its contents!  I relish the challenges coming my way and look forward to their making me stronger, faster, better, smarter and more ready to face even greater ones once the dust clears from this batch.

Truth be told, the idea of a life without challenges and adventure is dreadfully dull and would have me begging for something interesting within hours!  I'm not a good person to leave bored for very long.  I'm highly prone to mischief if left with nothing to hold my attention.  Those gremlins may well be of my own making, just to keep things interesting until my next lesson arrives!

But the hour grows late and my chores for the evening are done.  I got some dancing in tonight and got to chat with several friends.  All in all, a good day spent! 

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I can share my bits of wisdom and whimsy to any who choose to click on the link and read my ramblings.
2. I am grateful that I know how to count (as I tried to put 3 after 1 just now) as it comes in rather handing in a job involving accounting.
3. I am grateful for my unique blend of friends.  They keep me laughing, thinking, figuring and analyzing, but never bored.
4. I am grateful for completed chores so I can rest easy.
5. I am grateful for my bevy of furry nursemaids who tell me when it's time to go to bed and when it's time to wake up, even though I rarely agree with the times they feel are best for these activities.

Love and light.

Monday, July 15, 2013

July 14, 2013 Second guessing ourselves

Have you ever had one of those moments where you made a life changing decision, felt really great about it, slept on it and woke up thinking "Oh my god!  What have I done?  Did I really think this through?  Did I research it thoroughly before I jumped?  Am I completely off my noodle???"

This was me, about 11:00 this morning.  I even had what I call "anxiety tummy", churning and growling and giving me pangs of nausea.  So what did I do about it???  I'm about to tell you!

The first thing I did was to remind myself that I don't make bad decisions.  Sure, sometimes I go with my gut and sometimes I end up learning a lesson, but other times, that gut driven decision turns out to be the best thing I ever did!  That's how I feel about this one, but it took a strong talking to coupled with pushing myself extra hard at the gym.  All in all, a win-win situation, from my perspective!

The way I see it, a bad decision is one that both doesn't turn out anywhere close to the way you'd have liked it to (e.g. my disastrous choice of contractors for my remodel) and that results in no lesson learned.  (and believe me, I learned lots of lessons from the contractor fiasco!)  How often in life does that sad combination really occur?  How often do you fail to at least learn something from the experience?  I don't know about you, but for me, the answer is a resounding "NONE".

Every time I've made a decision which had consequences instead of successes, I took away a much-needed lesson which served me well for future choices.  I have always told my daughters that the lessons we remember the best are the ones which came with some kind of pain, and frankly, the more painful the lesson, the better and longer it will be remembered!  It's sort of like the first time you burn yourself on a hot iron (admit it, you've done this at least once if you ever take the time to iron anything!).  The first thing you learn is a healthy respect for that evil hunk of metal and plastic!  (As many times as I've gotten burnt, is it any wonder I passionately hate ironing?)  The second thing you learn is that this lesson applies to any heat bearing object.  And if you didn't learn it the first time, a pot, an oven door, the sidewalk on a sunny summer day...any manner of things will be happy to remind you of the lesson until you get it right!

As my current decision involves learning, no matter what happens, I will get what I came for, so the final verdict is that it is a good decision!  Hooray!

I ended the evening (and weekend) with a nice chat with a good friend who is experiencing changes of her own in her life.  It is definitely a good thing to have girlfriends around to share the crazy thoughts that go through our minds as our worlds turn upside down, even when it's in a very good way!  Change is exciting, but it's also a shock to our nervous system, and we have to be patient with ourselves as we regain our balance.

Like a cat, we'll end up on our feet as long as we trust ourselves and, of course, keep those girlfriends around (or guy friends if you're a guy!).  Even though we have to ford the stream ourselves, it helps to have someone on the bank cheering us on!  Sometimes they can offer suggestions, but more often, it's just the moral support and the reminder that we aren't alone.

I've learned the hard way that thinking you can make it on your own without the support of other humans is egotistical at best.  Sure, we can manage the little things and be none the worse for wear, but don't try to tell me that managing lfe's major changes alone will leave you unscathed.  Believe me, I have the scars to prove that it is NOT a particularly wise path to take.

Sure, at the end, you can pat yourself on the back and claim all of the credit for your success, but you're also a wounded warrior.  There are holes in your psyche the size of Texas and you're tender and reactive in all of those places where you were singed or burned.   It takes a lot longer to recover and you bring new meaning to the term "gun shy".  

I look back now and ask myself:  "Was it really worth it just to be able to say "I did it all myself"?  Were the years of hiding behind my own walls, and the loneliness that resulted worth the petty victories?"  

Of course, the answer is a resounding "No!", but as with everything else, I doubt I'd have done things differently because, in the end, I still had my lessons to learn.  Even though I wouldn't recommend that path, I know that a lot of people out there will travel it anyway, because they need to.  I just hope that they, like I, finally do learn that traveling the path alone is no real victory at all.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I have learned to trust my judgement no matter what.
2. I am grateful that for the friendships I have made and will make in the future.  They make me a stronger, better person in the end.
3. I am grateful for new opportunities to learn and grow, even if they're a little scary right now.
4. I am grateful that I am able to embrace change, however it may come into my life.
5. I am grateful for the opportunity to meet and learn from a diverse group of people. 

Love and light