Welcome to my Journey

Hello, and welcome to my Journey. Over the last few years I have been learning more about my personal journey, my Path and my Soul Purpose. The further I travel, the easier I find it to share my journey with others, and to learn from their journeys as well. The most recent evolution has caused me to expand my Universe and allow more people access to my travels, as well as allowing me access to more people, their travels and what they have learned as they walk their own paths. Feel free to share your journey here as we all have much to learn in our lives as Divine Beings having a Human experience.

Love and Light.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

November 30, 2011 New beginnings begin with endings

As I look forward to closing November's books and opening December's tomorrow, it will also be a day of new beginnings for my daughter and, after the ending she will generate in my life, a new beginning of some kind or another.  Granted, life has had some interesting, and not always pleasant, ups and downs lately, but I've always believed that a door closes to enable us to be free to choose one of the other doors and windows which opens before us.  Of course, with Loki's latest kidney infection, the kids won't be far away and I will have to see one or both of them daily while we're having to give Loki fluids again (she just LOVES having a needle stuck in her back and being held down while we let 200 ml of saline drip into her little body), and Heather already got me an Eeyore key to be carved when they get the keys to their apartment.  It's still going to be weird and a little scary to come home to an empty house at night.  Ok, in all fairness to my furry children, it won't be empty, but there will be no humans who can turn lights on and off, cook, run the dishwasher and help empty the sandboxes on trash day.  There will be nobody who answers back in English when I talk to them either.  I really must become better at understanding Cat.  (of course, when Dylan meows pitifully and runs to the food bowl to show me it's empty, I usually understand what he's saying, but holding a conversation is more of a challenge). 

I know that I have several things which I need to resolve and conclude in my life right now, but I also have an untold number of opportunities which are simply awaiting my unburdening.  The book definitely holds first place on the list, and having the place to myself should encourage me to spend more time on it.  I also want to do some more decluttering in preparation for the delayed but not forgotten remodel.  One of the things which will certainly occur in the next week or so is moving the boxes from my garage to the pod so I can park my car inside again.  It's getting very windy and cold these days and I really miss walking out to my car in the comparatively warm garage.  I think I need to make a list of things I want to accomplish, then set priorities and timelines so that I can track and see my progress.  I wonder if I can get a copy of Project to play with?  :)

At this point, I want to wish everyone fabulously exciting beginnings, and quick, painless endings over the next few months.

Love and light.

Friday, November 25, 2011

November 25, 2011 Contracting with the Government

I realize today's blog title seems remarkably dry for my usual fare, but as I continue, the gyrations of my thought pattern should become apparent.

When contracting with the Government, there is a very specific proposal process laid out both be regulations and within the request for proposal itself.  One of the components which is typically required is a section called "Past Performance".  This section is used, not only for the contractor to show that they have experience in the area for which they are proposing, but may also include responses from the contractor's customers which are sent directly to the customer.  In this way, the customer strives to obtain assurance that the contractor has done this particular kind of work before, and that in doing so, has satisfied his customers.  The customer response is designed to rate the contractor anywhere from excellent to poor. 

I think that as consumers, it would behoove us, at least for large purchases like cars, homes and the like, to have a similar process or at least some kind of checklist to ensure that we get what we pay for.  I'm sure there are guides, or pieces of guides in various places which are designed to help consumers protect themselves, but I think it would be especially helpful to put a plain English, complete version somewhere where it would be easily and readily accessed at the time that a major purchase is considered.  Granted, some people would still go blindly along hoping that their best interests will be honored, but at least the tools would be there for the rest of us to adequately protect ourselves, and to know what our rights are from the outset. 

Just as I've learned how to get the best value for my money with consumer goods, I need, also, to learn how to get the best value for my money when signing a contract for something on a larger scale.  I am looking for something along the lines of kicking the tires, taking it for a test drive, getting direct feedback from satisfied and unsatisfied customers.  I would rather do my due diligence at the offset than run afoul and be forced to make yet another attorney wealthy at both mine and another person or firm's expense.  I truly believe that this would be in everyone's best interest as both sides would know that a fair agreement has been reached and that expectations are clear and can easily be met.

Thus, I am gathering together those pieces and may yet put something together that is more than simply the tired old quote, "let the buyer beware". 

And on a happier note, we had the most amazing, yet simple Thanksgiving ever!  The food tasted better, our tried and true recipes came out better, and we were relaxed and happy.  I will credit, at least, in part, all of the gratitude, acceptance and forgiveness I've learned to practice.  Things may not always be as I think they should, but loving and accepting those around me makes everything feel better anyway. 

So, I am grateful for the lessons I have learned this year, and the friends I have made and the accomplishments I've realized.  I am grateful for another month in which to accomplish and love and forgive and appreciate before 2011 ends and we enter another year and new beginnings.

Love and light

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

November 23, 2011 Thanksgiving and gratitude

It is the day before Thanksgiving and, despite the turmoil of the last few days, I realize that I have so much to be thankful for.  At the very top of the list are the friends who have been supportive and have refused to allow me to wallow in a pit of inaction through the enormous changes coming into my life, followed closely (or more likely, walking hand in hand) by my wonderful daughter with whom I share an amazing bond of love and respect which gets us through difficult times and brings us closer each time we cross another rocky road together. I am also thankful for my animals who love me unconditionally, and know when I just need a warm, fuzzy body snuggled up against me (although these cold nights are making them think they need to cat-pile on me in bed which makes it a little hard to move, much less, get comfortable, these days!  But I can take a quick inventory in the darkness and know exactly who is where!), and for a roof over my head and a warm place to sleep.  For food on the table, a car to get me where I need to go, opportunities to help others, both human and animal, and the ability to sense a need. 

I am also grateful for lessons I've learned, including knowing that I don't have to fight the world, but can pick my battles and only hold fast to those which are important, and I'm eternally grateful for continuing to learn the difference.  And when I do have to fight, I'm grateful for the strength I've developed to do what needs to be done.  I'm grateful that the reasons to do battle have become fewer and further between over the years.  Have I learned to avoid things which could result in a battle or to circumvent problems early, or to be more accepting?  It's hard to say, but whatever the reason, I'm grateful for a calmer, more peaceful life.  I see others clutching their drama to them like a security blanket and wish I could tell them that letting it go will really make them happier.  But just as I had to learn that lesson on my own, it is theirs to learn as well.  And I am grateful for the wisdom to know that this is so. 

Also on the very long list is having a healthy body which allows me to indulge my passions like dancing (which continues to keep me sane no matter how bad I might think things are in a moment) and a healthy mind which thrives on the opportunity to be expanded in so many ways and with so many new and exciting opportunities.  Even more, I'm grateful for the people around me who challenge me to expand my mind. 

Lest I forget, I appreciate Mother Earth who allows my human form to live and thrive because of her bounty.

I could go on and on and on, but I think I've hit the major points, and hope I inspire others to focus on what is truly important, not only on Thanksgiving, but every single day!

Love and Light

Monday, November 21, 2011

November 21, 2011 Back to the drawing board, and new beginnings

I think my friend, Judy, put it well.  We're being thrown into change right now, whether we like it or not, and a lot of it is very uncomfortable.   I'm coming to terms with Heather's move.  I still don't like it, but she's trying to reassure me by telling me that I raised her to be smart and independent.  (yeah, and the check's in the mail, right?)  But she is a good kid so I just have to wish her well and stand back.  <sigh>  She brought home her new puppy today and she's as sweet as can be.  Of course, having her on the patio is making the cats very curious!  They keep sitting at the window looking out at her which might be a good thing as maybe she won't feel so alone.  Once they move, she'll sleep with the kids, but right now, the cats rule the house so she has to sleep outside.  She cried for a little while, but I think she's still exhausted from today's surgery.  She has a nice, thick coat but they put some warm bricks under her blanket to help ward off some of the chill.

The remodel is back on the drawing board so I don't really expect to start until after the first of the year, at this point, which is going to be interesting, given business trips in February and March, but I know that one way or another, we will work it out.  Throughout the process, there has always been some reason for the delays which worked in my favor, so I'm going to continue to envision the finished product and not dwell on the issues that arise.  It's all just part of the process.

I've decided that, regardless of the changes that come, I will just embrace them all and make the best of each and every one!

Love and light.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

November 20, 2011 Drastic changes and a need for focus and motivation.

In 11 days, I will begin a new phase of my life, and one for which I'm not really sure I'm ready.  In 11 days, I will be the only human inhabitant of my house for the first time in more than 30 years.  I am trying to face this as a new and exciting challenge, but it is overshadowed by trepidation because of how I've lived my life without connections for a long time.  In less than two weeks, I will face one of the things I've secretly feared more than almost anything.  There won't be anyone except the cats to care whether or not I come home at night.  Nobody will be waiting inside a warm, cozy house, I won't feel it necessary and comforting to call someone to let them know I'll be late.  I don't mean to minimize the love and affection I have with my furry children, and I am extremely grateful that they will still be here, but the truth is, I feel very lost and alone right now.  Admittedly, it is my own fault for not establishing more close bonds over the last 20 years or so, and in letting go of the ones I had, but in many cases, at least the letting go part was necessary as I grew and evolved into someone who, normally, sees the positive aspect in everything. 

Maybe that's why I'm so scared right now.  I'm having a tough time climbing up out of this sad, little hole I've dug for myself.  I want to be happy and positive and supportive, but I seem to be sliding back into my old ways and that, in and of itself, is terrifying and frustrating.  I even found myself thinking last night that it's a good thing I'm not suicidal like my parents were, or I'd be really worried about me right now.  I've shed a lot of tears in the last two days, and know that more will be shed before I figure out where I'm going to go next.

Added to all of this is the fact that, since the remodel hasn't started yet, and, frankly, I'm starting to have doubts that it ever will since the contractor's license is once again active, but they haven't seen fit to contact me, I have to face the rest of the packing up and moving all by myself.  I can't even begin to imagine how I'm going to get the furniture moved, much less all the packing and the storing of the boxes!  Granted, I should have two completely empty rooms to use for locking up cats and temporary storage, but the task is still incredibly daunting.  (of course, the aches from yesterday's weight workout aren't exactly inspiring me to great feats of strength right now!) 

I keep telling myself that I can and will take care of myself and my home and my animals, but in reality, I haven't had to do it alone for a very long time.  Heather has taken part of the load for years, now.  Added to the concerns is two upcoming business trips.  I know she'll take care of the cats for me while I'm gone, but it won't be like someone is at the house, watching over things.  They won't have someone to snuggle with while I'm gone, and I know they will be very unhappy.  And the way things are going, the remodel may still be in progress, no, in all likelihood, at least for the first trip, WILL be in progress, which will shake up their world that much more! 

Face it, I'm going to find a million ways to stress myself out in the next few months.  What I need is something that will give me calmness.  I tried meditating yesterday, and, in fact, had several of the cats on the bed with me including Munchkin who was curled up on my lap, but the visions I had were very disturbing.  In one, I went out to the patio to find that my dad had invited a whole bunch of people over for a party without letting me know about it.  I was upset because the house was a mess and I hadn't had the opportunity to clean it up, which I would have had he let me know he was bringing people home.  I know that I need to get my house in order, literally, and have made little forays into doing so, but can't seem to find it in myself to put forth the really intense effort that is needed right now.  I think what I need is a coach to help me stop procrastinating and come up with a plan of action.  I also need someone to work with so I don't feel so alone, but as that's not going to happen in the foreseeable future, I need to find the motivation within myself.

In reality, what I lack is at least one really close friend who I can talk to without feeling like I'm taking advantage of their kindness; someone who will give me the kick in the butt I need to get past this.  Sadly, although a couple of people have offered to listen, I just don't feel right unloading on them.  Kind as they may be, we have a single point of interest (or in some cases, maybe two) in common, and that's it.  We don't see each other outside of those points of interest, so I wouldn't see we're really more than close acquaintances.  I just don't think it's fair to throw my troubles in their laps.  And I have noticed that I've begun watching the interaction between couples with a huge dose of envy.  I have to admit that the one word that really describes where I'm at and why I'm so scared is "Lonely". 

Love and light

Saturday, November 19, 2011

November 19, 2011 Thoughts on Thanksgiving

I used to love Thanksgiving.  It was the day that started two or three days earlier with the girls and I gathering in the kitchen to do our annual, all from scratch meal.  At first, they would just hang around talking to me while I chopped, sliced, diced, mixed and cooked, but as they got older, they became an integral part of the process.  Through the years, we modified and improved on our recipes, adding new standards and celebrating with friends and family. 

But in the last few years, things have been changing.  Family has passed on or moved on, one daughter moved out (and subsequently gave us the worst Thanksgiving ever a couple of years ago) and the few friends we had included moved away as well until it was only Heather, me, her current boyfriend and one friend she'd coerce into coming so he wouldn't be alone.  But here it is, four days before the "big day" and I'm faced with a daughter who's moving out in the middle of her education, a house that's half torn up waiting for a remodel that, now, only me and the cats will truly enjoy (at least until I kick off when Heather will get it all), and what appears to be a day I'll spend alone with the cats, eating whatever I feel inclined to throw together.  And so another tradition dies. 

I find myself realizing that having my daughter as my best friend was very short sighted because in the natural course of events, she must move on.  So this year will be a year of "lasts".  Last birthday spent together, last concert we enjoyed, last of the shared day-to-day stuff that goes on.  But it will also be a year of "firsts".  First year without a Thanksgiving.  First year of no holiday decorations.  First year I won't have to go online on Thanksgiving night to find the perfect Christmas presents dirt cheap.  And the first year I can take my entire paycheck and blow it on myself because there will be nobody around who needs to be fed and clothed, nobody who will care if they don't get the annual Christmas pajamas and book with a personal inscription and nobody to nag me because I haven't gotten the house ready for Christmas.  The cats will have to do without their indoor tree to climb.  Had I realized last year that it would be the last real holiday season for me, would I have made the effort to make it better?  I don't really know.  But at least, thanks to digital photography, I have memories I can walk through from the last few years to remind me of times when holidays were really joyful. 

Love and light

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

November 15, 2011 Vegas is NOT relaxing!

So, I had a wonderful drive from Cali to NV yesterday.  Blue skies, sunroof open, dinner and a little dancing with a friend and of course, a walk down Las Vegas Blvd. to watch the eternal show!  I just love watching all of the people and hearing the different accents and languages.  It's like an international festival of sorts.

However, my worst concerns about work were realized as a whole bunch of emails were flying by the time I returned to my room after today's seminar.  Worse, if they don't get me the information tonight, they're going to have to wait until Thursday as I need to be out of here before I go to tomorrow's session!  This is when I really could use a card for connecting while on the go, but they just can't justify those things for the bean counter even when she's also getting geared up to ensure compliance (at least officially, since I've been a FAR pain in everyone's backside for awhile now!)  But it's so nice to feel needed! :) 

Had a great time last night with Joleen at Gilley's and just walkin' the strip.   We did quite a bit of walking which suits both of us fine, although we could have done without the guy walking down the street, smoking a big, fat, stinky cigar!  Not much going on at Gilley's on a Monday night, but enough to give me a couple of dances.  And had a delightful visit with my old friend, Michael and his lady, Kathy.  We enjoyed the food and entertainment at Margaritaville (and yes, I did indulge, but only one) then I got to see their home and meet their two cats and very friendly dog.  We had a nice, long visit and were able to talk for a couple of hours without all of the commotion common to the strip.  I am so grateful for all of my friends, both old and new.  I'm glad I'm getting the opportunity to attend these seminars,.  The one today was extremely informative!  But it's a real bonus to get to see some friends in the process!  I've promised to let them all know when I'll be back in February. 

Anyway, I need to get an early start tomorrow as I have to get my stuff in the car and get checked out before going back for day 2 of the seminar, and I need to get breakfast as well!  Maybe I'll move a little faster in the morning!

Love and light.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

November 10, 2011 It's a brand, new day!

Yesterday's announced changes are already leading to some interesting stuff.  My brain cells are frolicking at the opportunities for adding new knowledge!  I will have to spend some time, however, reassuring Mr. Dylan as the pursuit of knowledge means that I will have to leave town for a few days at a time at least 3 times in the next 6 months, and possibly more.

Danced like crazy tonight, and had a great time until those young whippersnappers started running us off the floor.  I remember when I had that much energy and my knees and back didn't ache after too much exertion!  Their time will come too!  But meanwhile, we get our dancing in early, and they close the place!  Fair is fair!   And I got a lot of line dancing, a few couples dances and some two stepping in, so I'm good!

Short post tonight, but I'm trying to at least get something in.  I'm going to bed after I finish my liquid muscle relaxer and hope this bag of frozen corn will do the rest of the job.  Otherwise, I have to try to get in to see the chiropractor tomorrow!  Can't drive 5+ hours with my back spasming!

Love and light.

November 9, 2011 The times, they are a'changin' revisited

It seems that changes are definitely upon me, though, whether for better or worse is, as yet, to be determined.  I'm sure that in the long run, they will be highly beneficial, but some feel a bit like a punishment more than a reward at the moment.  But I know that with distance comes perspective, so I will allow some time to pass before making my determination.  On one issue, though, I'm somewhat relieved.  And the opportunity to spend more time learning will be welcome as well.  I can almost feel the brain cells jumping up and down with joy, and the aging process going in reverse as a result.

Along with the changes, I seem to be experiencing continued communication problems.  This time, when I try to respond to a text from my contractor, I get a test back from a weird number telling me that I entered an invalid mobile number for my text!  I finally left him a voice mail telling him my texts weren't going through, to which he responded that he'd call me when he came down off of the mountain.  Now, that conjurs up some interesting images as he is an older fellow with longish hair and a kind of rustic look to him.  I can definitely picture him taking on the mountain, as it were!  I'm sure things will resolve themselves in due time, and I've already resolved myself to accept this latest delay as another necessary piece in the puzzle that has been the second half of 2011, so my focus, now, is just to have a meeting with the "boys", get on track and hopefully see the addition part of the job started in a week or two.

Dance class was fun last night even if my right shoulder eventually took issue with the behind the back part of the pattern.  I was a bit achy this morning, but I think the more I move, the better it will feel.    I got some very nice two-stepping in, though, as well as a couple of WCS and a nightclub two-step, which I almost never get to do except in class on Monday nights, so this girl went home tired and happy to another serving of Heather's fresh made stew.  (I admit, I was ready to be good and just have a yogurt when I got home, but the whole house smelled so yummy that I succumbed!) 

And so, the newest round of changes in my life begin.  I'm going to just hop on and enjoy the ride, whether it's a ferris wheel or another roller coaster!  Yee haw!

Love and light.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

November 8, 2011 Pondering Numeralogicals

For the last several days, I have been pondering the brouhaha surrounding the preponderance of 1's in Friday's date.  They range from religious and scientific sectors who attempt to discredit anyone else's suggestion that there could be a significance to those who insist that there is a spiritual, mystical implication, and those who take some sort of middle ground (though I think those are far less well represented).  But for the numeralogically inclined, the number 1 is definitely a significant one as, by it's very nature, it represents beginnings.  When we count, we typically start with 1 and continue by 1's until we reach our target.  Someone who wins a race or contest is said to be in 1st place.  First-born children are said to share certain characteristics.  The list is endless.

I'll admit that I am one who has seen a lot of instances of 11:11 and 1:11 on my digital clocks over the last couple of years, and rather than attributing it to chance or to the fact that I'm keyed to notice those times of day, I believe that having embarked on some new paths is what really makes me focus on 1's.  I read in another blog that seeing those times can be a reminder that you're on the right track, or perhaps, to stop procrastinating and get back on track.  In truth, I believe it is like dreams.  The interpretation is really dependent upon a person's history.  If someone was frightened by a cat when they were small, having a cat in a dream would probably be unpleasant, but if they always feel warm and comforted by the presence of a cat, the dream would be seen in a completely different light.

The same would be true of those 1's.  If a person was always striving for first place but was always bested, especially if it was a sibling or someone close, seeing 1's might just be a painful reminder.  If they feared change and liked being in a steady, predictable situation, again, 1's could be rather frightening.  But for the adventurers, the easily bored with repetition, the 1's, taking those first steps on a new path, could well be exhilirating.

For me, seeing a lot of 1's makes me picture the Aces from the Tarot; those cards which, when found in a spread, indicate taking off on a new adventure, getting outside the box, the comfort zone and finding the magic.  I know I've seen more Aces and 1's since I made some major changes in my life, and I get such a charge out of seeing them, that I'm inclined to find new and different things to try (although bungie jumping and fried twinkies are still out!) just to see more of them.  My very favorite is the Ace of Wands in my Spiral deck which depicts a giant hand wielding a flaming staff.  The card is all vibrant in reds, yellows and greens and I can almost feel the energy emanating from it when I happen upon it.  It makes me feel as if anything I might undertake at that moment will rush, full speed ahead to an amazing and exciting conclusion which, if I'm lucky, will lead to something even more amazing and exciting.

At this point, in the realm of new beginnings, I'm going to set the intention that my much-delayed remodeling project will see a huge burst of positive energy by/on Friday November 11, 2011.  Although I have determined that it would be best to leave my kitchen intact until after Thanksgiving, this would be a great time to start the addition so that, by the time the holiday passes, they might be able to knock the wall out and actually do the whole area at once instead of in bits and pieces as they were projecting lately.  Again, as has been true throughout the process, the delays are truly a blessing in disguise.

And I still have nearly two months to find that dance partner before the year is over! :)

Love and light.