Welcome to my Journey

Hello, and welcome to my Journey. Over the last few years I have been learning more about my personal journey, my Path and my Soul Purpose. The further I travel, the easier I find it to share my journey with others, and to learn from their journeys as well. The most recent evolution has caused me to expand my Universe and allow more people access to my travels, as well as allowing me access to more people, their travels and what they have learned as they walk their own paths. Feel free to share your journey here as we all have much to learn in our lives as Divine Beings having a Human experience.

Love and Light.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

September 28, 2011 Dancing, Dad and playing it cool

I was saving data at work today, using my usual naming convention which includes the date when I realized that today would have been Dad's 80th birthday and darn it all, I actually teared up over it.  I'm sure it was partially triggered by my HR Manager's dad's passing last week, but it's been awhile since I actually got emotional about his being gone.  At any rate, I acknowledged the feelings and then let them go, and was fine for the rest of the day, but it was definitely weird.

Dancing was fantastic tonight.  There weren't any beginners until about halfway through the class, so we got to drill, again, on the closed to promenade to roundabout to some kind of turn in preparation for the barrel rolls in the intermediate class.  I swear, Joe kicks our butts every week, but as tough as the move was, most of the guys were really getting it!  I find that very very cool!  Of course, Mr. Mixed signals was there, and even got there pretty early tonight.  We're becoming more and more comfortable with each other, so I'd say I'm making a friend, but he's still pretty skittish.  In talking to a girlfriend, she surmised that the fact that I'm playing it very cool and casual is probably exactly what I need to do right now.  If nothing else, his dancing skills are very much in demand which, to be frank, amuses the heck out of me.  I haven't really figured out if he's widowed or divorced, but in some ways he seems to be baffled by all of the attention he's getting, and it's rather endearing.  I've seen so many guys coming out of divorces who really take advantage of all of the female attention.  He's not like that, but seems to really appreciate it.  And I appreciate getting a few spots on his dance card as he really does manage to make me feel graceful and light on my feet!  No small feat, I might add! 

Weight is still coming off slowly, but it IS coming off, so that's a good thing!  The doc still says I need to add some weight work to build muscle so I'm going to try to start doing that on Friday nights.  Add that to my list of things to do this weekend.  We need to clear everything off of the patio and put it into the shed so they can start the demo (finally!) for my remodel!  Hooray!  As Heather is working a lot this weekend, I've enlisted Mathom's assistance in making that little bit happen.  Of course, if I have to meet my contractor at the granite place Friday night, the gym may have to wait until later in the weekend, but I will, if nothing else, remain flexible! 

All in all, life is busy and fun, with a little frustration thrown in so I don't get too complacent! 

Love and light.

Monday, September 26, 2011

September 26, 2011 Autumn Equinox and the Celestial lightshow

My friend, Christine, can always be counted on to introduce me to new and interesting things.  Last summer, it was a play called "Frybread" at the Gene Autry museum, and last week, it was an Autumn Equinox celebration which was accompanied by the most amazing display of lightening I'd seen in quite awhile.

We joined an amazing group of women who celebrated the coming of Autumn and talked about what they'd harvested this year from the seeds they'd planted in the Spring.  And in listening to them share, I realized that this has really been a year of affirmations for me.  I affirmed that I would write my book, and I affirmed that I would remodel my house.  Although neither project has been exactly smooth going, so far, each challenge I weather while keeping the ultimate goal in view is another success story for me.  I am also continuing to learn patience, and that as long as I keep the goal in sight, I will achieve whatever I want.  It won't always come as I want it to, but the Universe always has a hand in things and when they don't go exactly as I like, they go exactly as they are supposed to.  Each delay provides me with another opportunity, often, one I wouldn't have considered if things had gone as I'd originally planned.  I've already changed my color scheme, paint-wise, at least a couple of times, so it's a good thing I have had to wait.  I still may change it again, but at this point, who knows?    In the meantime, I continue to enjoy the ride!

And this week, I've added another affirmation to my "magick box".  I have affirmed that I will find a dance partner with whom I will improve my skills in two-step, west coast swing and nightclub two-step (and maybe something else.  I don't want to limit myself!) and also visit other venues and instructors.  Now that my affirmation has been made, I will leave it to the Universe to actually handle the manifestation as I've learned that, left in those able hands, the manifestation of my affirmation is always far better than anything I could manage all by myself!

Part of the Autumn Equinox ceremony was a guided meditation and, being outside on the grass, I decided to remove my shoes and literally, connect with Mother Earth.  The meditation was beautiful and I wasn't really ready for it to end, but then, lately, when I do participate in guided meditations, I'm usually inclined to continue, but have to cut it short to stay with the group.  I guess I need to find something that allows me to go on as long as I wish.

Another indication that we are leaving summer behind us is in the cats' behavior.  I had a hard time getting up on Sunday because everyone was so snuggly and I didn't want it to end.  Talking to other friends, their animals are behaving in a similar fashion.  Just goes to show that our animals often know better than we do.

My interpersonal goal at the moment is to send love and light and let go whenever I feel even the slightest negative emotion towards someone.  It seems to be working for the most part, but I know that, in this, I need to maintain diligence or I will slide back and let stupid things annoy me.  But, like all of Humanity, I am but a work in progress, and the effort in the "work" has to come from me!

Love and light.

Friday, September 23, 2011

September 23, 2011 Men are like feral cats....skittish and very slow to trust.

Anyone following this blog somewhat regularly may have noticed the long lapse between posts.  My only explanation is that I have been taking the doctor's advice to heart, and moving more while eating less which has resulted in at least three, but more often, four nights a week of dancing.  It has also found me staying later, dancing longer and putting a lot more energy into it so I come home tired and am in bed far more quickly.  While this is a good thing, physical health-wise, mental health is probably suffering a bit, so I hope to find a balancing point somewhere that will also coordinate with efforts needed to facilitate the remodel which is supposed to commence next week. 

I'm actually getting a lot more two-step and even WCS in lately, and this makes me a very happy girl!  My current focus has also been to do as Joe suggested and loosen up my arms so that I'm easier to lead through patterns.  I'm not completely successful yet, but have found that some things have become easier in the process so I would guess that I'm on the right track.  I believe I need to set a goal to find at least a semi-regular dance partner so I can practice all of the stuff I've been learning and maybe even venture further afield to gain some additional material and technique.  I also think that as the weight comes off and my feet are less abused, I'll need to find something a bit less bulky than my oh-so-comfortable dance sneaks.  I can feel them weighing me down more lately now that I'm working on being lighter and moving more fluidly. 

And speaking of the weight loss, it's happening, but still very, very slowly.  The app on the iphone is helping as it made me relook at the salad I had today and remove the more fattening (read, tasty) bits like the candied pecans.  As it was, I barely ate half of it anyway.  So much for people and their lap band surgeries.  I seem to have shrunk my stomach naturally!  Especially tonight when I don't anticipate getting much exercise as dancing is not on the agenda, although neither is sitting at home watching tv or playing on the computer, so it might be ok.  I pulled out my ratty old home scale but I know it's not accurate, though I really can't be sure which direction it misstates.  Clothes are slightly looser, but not as much as I would have hoped.  It seems that my patience is being tried on multiple fronts in my life these days!

Which leads me to today's topic.  Getting to know a man, even on a very casual level, is a lot like getting a feral cat to let you approach and skritch her ears.  You have to move very slowly and if they show the slightest indication of bolting, you have to be the first to back away, again, slowly so as not to startle the poor dears.  What I wonder is, were they always like this and I never noticed, or did common bonds or interests keep them from noticing that I was getting closer than was normally comfortable for them?  Either that, or there's something most other women have learned which makes the men feel safe in approaching them because I have a number of girl friends who seem to have no trouble getting men to pay attention to them, either casually or more, and it doesn't seem to be crazy making for them like it is for me.  Or maybe I'm just inherently impatient and scare them off before I even realize they're close enough to even be able to scare?   Sadly, the whole thing just makes me more impatient and it's a vicious cycle of frustration, at least for me.  I can't see it frustrating the scared bunnies as they don't hang around long enough to find frustration in the situation, and besides, when they scamper off, they find women who are less scary and understand their ways.  Women who don't make sudden movements or cuttingly witty remarks, who have, perhaps, learned to slow their quick wittedness down to a level which does not put fear into the hearts of men.  The long and the short of it is that I just never was inclined to learn the rules of the game, and even the rules which were in effect when I was younger have changed beyond recognition so where's a girl to even go for a class on "Males 101"?  And once learned, how do all of those women make it look so natural??  Were they born with an interpersonal gene that I lack?

Maybe what I need to do is to open this up to suggestions from my far more knowledgeable sisters?

So, what say you?

Love and light.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

September 14, 2011 Dieting and iPhones

So Heather added an app to my iPhone that keeps track of what I eat during the day and calculates how many calories I burn, and at the end of each day, it says "if every day was like today, you'd weigh xxx pounds in 5 weeks.  So far, it's telling me that at my current rate of consumption and calorie usage, I should drop about 15 pounds in 5 weeks.  Somehow, I don't think it's going to come off that fast, but encouragement, in whatever form it comes, is always a good thing.  Also, it will keep me honest as it can even scan bar codes and pull the nutritional information for me.  To be honest, I'm surprised at how FEW calories I'm consuming daily.  All of those veggies are really making a difference. 

So along those lines, it occurred to me that I quit smoking years ago because it was interfering with my dancing.  The fact of the matter is, the extra weight I've put on also interferes as my body starts to ache from less dancing, my stamina isn't as good as it could be and I'm definitely not as light on my feet.  This should have been a no brainer!  But the good news is that now, if I get an urge to binge, all I have to do is think about how much more dancing I'll be able to do once I lose the weight, and, voila!  I make a different choice!  I do love my epiphanies! 

On the remodel front, the loan came through, and we are on the home stretch with getting the city to approve the plans, so it looks like demo will begin next week!  Hooray!  But I am still making contingency plans for Thanksgiving, in case the kitchen doesn't get done!  Whatever we do will be interesting, not to mention, tasty!

And it seems that the guinea pig is here to stay.  After her sister died, the kids just couldn't seem to find it in themselves to give her up.  I just hope they don't decide, when the other pregnant guineas give birth, that they need a friend for her.  She seems to do just fine, demanding attention from the humans and keeping Toby and Dylan amused!   I started calling her "mini me" because her coloring is very similar to Dylan's and he is intensely fascinated by her small (but increasingly less small) self!  That little girl can demolish a pile of lettuce faster than anything I've ever seen!    Everyone else in this house is rather voracious, so she fits right in! 

I'm hoping to keep up this blog on a somewhat regular basis, even with the remodel, and adding more nights of dancing, but time will definitely tell!  I'm also trying to fit some gym time in, and that has yet to happen!

Love and light.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

September 11, 2011 Remembering, but not necessarily what we're expected to remember

This weekend, we had our pre-celebration of Heather's 24th birthday.  Dinner at Souplantation and the Pink Paws fundraiser started the weekend off, followed by Saturday night at our favorite dance spot, and Sunday brunch at our new favorite deli.  Today was especially nice for me because I got to spend several hours alone with my daughter, and as both of our busy lives take us in different directions most of the time, these little islands of time are especially appreciated. 

Our conversation drifted to the day of her birth, and how grateful she was that her birthday was the day after 9/11 instead of the day of.  I talked about the night before she was born and how we were playing Trivial Pursuit and laughing a lot.  I kept running to the bathroom, but nothing was happening, and I later found out that my water had broken.  As I didn't see any evidence, I didn't go to the hospital until the next day, and so, the girls were born on 9/12.    (I know she is especially grateful as her grandfather also died on 9/11, although 2 years after the horrific event we commemorated this weekend). 

Aside from the sad memories, it was a truly marvelous weekend. 

My massage yesterday took an interesting turn, though.  I was really quite hyper during my nail appointment, and wasn't really sure why, as I had only had a small cup of coffee.  By the time I got to my massage appointment, I was very, very alert, but sat in the little patio area and soaked up some of the serenity I always find there, almost like it is an oasis of peace.  As usual, we chatted a bit, but as soon as I hit the table, I relaxed.  She found a couple of spots on my hips that nearly had me moaning in pleasure with how the pressure caused the muscles to melt!  Slowly, I drifted into the meditative, semi-aware state I always reach, when I noticed thunder intermingling with the music.  I wasn't quite able to determine whether the thunder was part of the music, which is always something nature sounding, or if it was real.  It felt as if it was part of my meditation, and just belonged, so I was quite surprised to find that while I was drifting and being pampered, the sky had clouded up, thunder had rolled in and big, fat raindrops were falling!  I credited the charge that had to have been building in the air to my hyperactivity earlier, and felt that I was really connected to the elements. 

Now the temperature has dropped by many degrees and even when we reach the heat of the day, it's tempered by the breeze and the dampness in the air.  I found myself thinking that maybe this early rain will help alleviate some of the fire danger we typically experience this time of year, and that would be very good for the wildlife who really are the ones who suffer most when the hills are ablaze. 

(warning, topic change!)  As we were running errands today, I picked up a few small things which I wouldn't necessarily use right away and found myself (as I've been doing a lot lately) weighing the convenience of having the items now, as well as the fact that the were on sale, to the fact that I'm going to be packing up most of my house over the next few months as the remodel gets under way.  I see a lot of things I'd like to add, but know that it will be better, on many levels, to wait until the work is complete as I won't have to pack it, and I may find that I really want something else entirely after I see how things look.  And it's best if I don't spend the money now anyway!  Although I am spending around $200 a week at Trader Joe's lately, but we're not eating out much any more, so it more than balances out.  Dinner out is often $40 or $50, minimum for the three of us and we were doing that 2-3 times a week for awhile.  The money may now go into groceries, but we're eating a lot healthier, and that's a very good thing for all of us!  I'm working on taking off the excess weight and Heather is being much more conscious about keeping herself alert and focused, and Mathom will pretty much eat whatever is on the menu, so he's eating healthier by default! 

But I've rambled from topic to topic long enough this evening.

Love and light.

Friday, September 9, 2011

September 9, 2011 Positive thinking overcomes all obstacles yet again!

For several months, I have been exploring one option after another to finance the remodel on my house, hitting one brick wall after another.  I refused, however, to accept defeat, no matter how grim things looked at any given time.  I am happy to report that my underlying belief that I would find a way to make it work has manifested beyond anything I could have possibly imagined when I first began hitting roadblocks!  I will soon be signing papers on a much better solution than what I started with, and with more cushion than I'd hoped for as well! 

Once again, I have proven that holding to the goal and continuing to find ways around any resulting rubble will ultimately take you, not only where you wanted to go, but usually, in the infinite wisdom of the Universe, even farther than you'd anticipated!  Even the delays in the beginning of construction were propitious as what I was finally able to arrange, money-wise, would not have happened had construction already begun!  So, I have to say "Thank you, Universe, for listening to what I wanted, and making it better, as usual!" 

Tonight was our first fundraiser for Pink Paws.  Heather and I feel very good about the event, although we don't yet know how we made out financially.  The restaurant manager let us put up a small table which Heather decorated and put pictures of some of our adoptable cats on, along with flyers asking for volunteers.  We feel that what we gained in exposure alone was worth the effort, and look forward to another event at Baja Fresh in the next month or two.  Heather pulled it off despite a number of obstacles thrown in her direction.  She just decided that she was going to make it happen, and we received some wonderful assistance in spreading the word!  I know her vision for the event simply overcame any resistance she received, and as a result, she got what she wanted!  I'm so proud of her for sticking to her guns!

And on this note of gratitude and appreciation for Asking and Receiving, I wish everyone,

Love and light.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

September 6, 2011 Something to ponder

I find myself going through spells where I'm not inclined to do a lot of anything productive, followed by periods of frantic accomplishment.  Like the ebb and flow of the tides or the cycles of the planets, my periods of action or inaction don't seem to have a rhyme or reason on the surface, but further digging might just reveal a nugget or two.  This past weekend was kind of a mixture, partly influenced by the onset of the first migraine I've had in months.  Although it never reached the full-fledged stage, it was sufficient to slow me down for the better part of a day, and one in which I'd planned on accomplishing a number of tasks.  Thankfully, it was a 3 day weekend so I was able to fulfill my personally set requirements with the exception of one.  Interestingly, this spurt of activity seems to have perpetuated itself, with a very productive day at work, and the accomplishment and commencement of tasks I've been pushing off.  I am hoping that my mental and physical energies are aligning to allow me to accomplish a great deal in the coming weeks.

The financial end of my remodel seems to finally be coming together.  Now all I need is for the city to stop badgering my contractors with needless delays so we can get this project started.  I still have a glimmer of a hope that I will be making Thanksgiving dinner in my new kitchen, but it will take a lot of coordination on everyone's part to make it happen!  On the bright side, the weather should be cooling soon, so the things stored in the Pod won't be totally baked in the coming weeks. 

A friend posted a quote about strong women today, and it was timed rather well from my point of view.  All of the delays and small aggravations I've weathered are all part of the stew that has helped me to become what I am, and I notice some familiar lines..."I have known weakness so I can be strong..." for example.  I am grateful every day for the fact that my mother showed me this, in her own, dysfunctional way.  But I am still seeing her weaknesses, and not her strengths.  In truth, we are all a combination of both, as well as many other extremes.  The past few months have allowed me to see past the screen of negative emotions I had erected between myself and my mother's memories.  Perhaps the next step in my healing and evolution will be to see the opposite extremes from those I have recognized and identified.  To see how the opposite sides of her also taught me to be the woman I am today.

Just as nothing and nobody is completely black or white, good or bad; we are also not completely strong or weak, shy or extroverted, brilliant or ignorant.  Throughout our lives, we are in a balancing act which, in a lot of cases is completely unconscious.  Just as we weigh options when we make a decision, we weigh our strengths and weaknesses when going through the business of life.  Just as we choose what to eat for dinner (Shall I have chicken or fish tonight?), so, too, do we choose which part of ourselves to use to our best advantage in a given situation.  The choice may occur over a long period of time, or it may be just a nanosecond in which our neurons fire, gather our previous experiences together and choose a direction on the basis of what worked or didn't work in the past. 

The human brain is such an amazingly complex machine with capabilities far beyond the imaginings of even our most brilliant scientists.  In fact, if used to its fullest, the wisdom of the ages is as readily available as our own life experiences.

Now, there's something to ponder!

Love and light.

Monday, September 5, 2011

September 5, 2011 A more productive day!

Woke up this morning, full of energy and ready to tackle the errands that didn't get done yesterday!  I'm having to do something which is somewhat alien to me, and pre-plan next Saturday due to a plethora of commitments, culminating with Heather's 24th birthday party at Borderline.  I already reserved an extra table to accommodate the extra people who will be there for the event.  Now I just have to get the party supplies and order the cake she requested. 

So I ran around town, getting errands done (it always seems like so little when you look at your list and it really only involves traveling in a circle around about a 5 mile radius, but once you start and stop, climb in and out of the car, wander around each place looking for exactly what you want and need, three or four hours have gone by before you know what's happened!  But we have groceries for the week including the piles of vegetables my current diet requires, tablecloths, candles, glitter and party favors for Heather's birthday, cake and balloons ordered, and cards purchased. 

Surprisingly, I haven't heard from my other daughter since, HER daughter's birthday a month ago, so I got her a card but will have to wait to hear from her before I can put it together for her.  I was hoping to do dinner one night, but it looks like it will just be the three of us, if anything.  Maybe we'll do Souplantation and I'll put a candle in a muffin. :)

But now the kitties are using my desk as a battleground (thankfully, I cleaned it off yesterday so I could pay bills), and Dylan is purring very loudly in an effort to get my attention (that cat is feeling neglected, you know!), so I'd best attend to my feline duties!

Love and light.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

September 4, 2011 Few things accomplished today

I had all of these grand plans to go help with adoptions, run some errands, order things for Heather's birthday and such, but as I sat at my desk working a puzzle, I got that old, almost forgotten feeling of something being not quite right and realized that I was about to have my first migraine in months.  Fortunately, I did recognize the signs and went to lay down with the cats until the headache part passed.  It still left me with an upset stomach and some wooziness, so today's accomplishments were limited to laundry, but at least I have tomorrow to run the rest of my errands.  So tonight, I'll actually do something odd and go to bed early so I can be up and taking care of business early tomorrow. 

In the midst of it all, dreams are getting weird again.  I even woke up early this morning from some kind of nightmare, though I can't remember the details now.  The other day, I dreamed that Heather was standing in the kitchen and it was about 4 inches deep in water, but the water wasn't moving into the living room at all!  It just held its shape in the kitchen.  When I asked her if she was going to do something about it, she said "no" and left it at that. 

So, life is just a bit weird this weekend, but nothing I can really put my finger on.  I'm sure that it will all sort itself out though.

Love and light.

Friday, September 2, 2011

September 1, 2011 What is this? High school again???

I admit it.  It's been what seems like a million years since I even entertained the idea of dating, much less actually participated in the sport!  I like to joke that my dad has gotten more action than I have in recent years, and he died in 2003!  The reality is, that's not very far from the truth.  I've been busy with my somewhat checkered career, raising kids and all manner of other more important things the last few years, or so I keep telling myself! 

My point (and yes, there really is one!) here is that the saga from the other night seems to be continuing, although I suspect it will be much quieter until Wednesday rolls around again!  Said gentleman decided to show up on a Thursday which is not typically a night he will show up due to another commitment.  He sits down at my table and waits until I finish line dancing, and asks me to two-step.  We had a couple of really good songs, and wonderful dancing (at least from where I danced!).  He went and danced with a couple of other ladies, then I got out on the floor for more line dances, and darn it all, he was watching!  Now, that can be either energizing or unnerving, depending on the situation.  This time, I have to say, it was a little of both!  Fortunately, they played some of my favorite dances, so I just had fun with it, especially when a girl got out on the floor who didn't know the dance, but was doing her darndest to follow, and even better, to stay out of my way!  She'd get the funniest expressions on her face as I'd start spinning in her direction, but she was very considerate and, if anything, she made the experience even more enjoyable. 

Now, to my credit, I refused to really make eye contact, which, for me, is really hard to do as I just have to when I either dance with or talk to someone, but as, frankly, I don't know the rules of the game he seems to be playing, nor am I inclined to play games of that nature, I just have to alter my approach in this situation.  So now, it sounds like, like it or not, I am playing a game of sorts, right?  Grrrr!  The control freak in me is having a very tough time with this one! 

I guess what I really need to do is to decide whether I want to play the boy-girl games again, this late in my career, and if I do, I need to learn how to accurately read the signs (or carry one that says "I'm socially retarded!" so they know not to bother with me!) so I can respond appropriately instead of acting like some silly little bimbo who twirls her hair, giggles and frequently says "Oh Really?" with a vapid look on her face.  It's a darn good thing they didn't require a class in male-female interpersonal relations in school or I'd have flunked it in a stupendously grand manner, not unlike a bass drum player  or tuba player tripping in the middle of a marching band field show.   It's almost like I need to say "ta-da!" to try to convince people I am looking like a clueless teenager on purpose for the comedic effect! 

So if anyone knows where a class in boy-girl 101 is taught, I would definitely consider signing up, if for no other reason than to keep my feet on the dance floor instead of in my mouth for the sake of the other single women out there to keep me out of their way while they play the game according to those unwritten rules.  (how's that for a completely convoluted, run-on sentence?  I'm sorry Mrs. Dix!  I know you tried to teach me grammar!)

Love and light