April 16, 2014 Being exactly where I'm supposed to be.

After a long but enjoyable day hanging with the kids and even getting some errands run, I sit here, staring at a blank screen with Munchkin curled on a chair on my left, and Dylan sprawled on my desk, on top of the new calculator on my right.  The only sounds I hear (aside from the clicking of the keyboard) are the whir of the ceiling fan and the purrs of my two protectors.  I can't think of a nicer way to end a very pleasant day. 

As the kids gear up to move to Mathom's first duty station since they got married, I've been inclined to finally get some more of the decluttering done as I'm no longer faced with stuff that isn't mine.  In fact, I'm getting rid of some things I hadn't anticipated like the camping gear which has been sitting in my store room, and the bicycles which are in my old shed.  I know the kids will get a lot of use out of both, and am grateful that those things won't continue to just collect dust and get moved from here to there whenever I'm looking for something. 

In some ways, their moving away is clearing space in my life too.  I won't be able to spend as much time with them living 3 or so hours away (on a good traffic day!), which leaves me free to put something else on my plate.  Though this week is not exactly a clear week, it is a clearing week!  As I'm moving stuff physically out of my house, I'm also moving stuff mentally and emotionally which will clear the way for new experiences.  It will also clear the way for me to move forward with editing and marketing my book and continuing to determine whether copywriting is something I can wrap my head around to use my writing skills for fun and profit. 

Talking to a friend who's gone back to school now that her kids are mostly grown, she made me realize something rather important.  I spent over 14 years acquiring a degree in Accounting, including the 4 years as an undergrad at UCLA where I started as a Theatre major, moved to Psychology after the first year, and by the end of the 4th year, decided I wanted to switch to Business.  I took two years off, then spent the better part of the next 10 years working full time and going to school at night.  Somewhere in there, my step-son lived with us for a bit, and then I had my girls. 

Now, a lot of years later, I've finally accepted the fact that it was simply a means to an end for me.  A way to support myself and my kids better than some of my single friends, not as well as others.  The only time I truly enjoyed it was when I was either part of a team working on a project which involved some creativity, or when I was trouble shooting or setting up a system.  Since those opportunities are few and far between, and ultimately end, most of the time, I was stuck with what to me was pure drudgery.  Which led me to today.  I'm using what I learned on a very small scale and spending more of my time writing or learning new skills related to writing than on the accounting, and enjoying my life a great deal more.

Yes, I'm glad I took the time to get that college degree, and I truly appreciate the fact that it allowed me to have a decent life most of the time, but it certainly never brought me the joy I have found in the last few months. 

We all have bouts of wishing we'd done something earlier in our lives or met someone sooner, or any number of things.  But the truth is, we choose do things, or we meet that special person at just the right time. 

In my case, it's easy.  I had to acquire a bunch of life lessons (not to mention, the funds to walk away from a steady pay check) before I was ready to try to write to live and for a living.  I also had to learn to have faith, even when it doesn't look like I'm heading in the right direction, because over the years, I've learned that even life's detours are there for a reason.   In fact, I have a sticky note at the top of my monitor which simply says "FAITH".   I have faith that, even when I'm taking detours like I've been doing this week, I am exactly where I need to be, and will have exactly what I need when I need it.  I refuse to believe anything else! 

Thus, I gather the energies around me which will allow me to connect to Source and propel me in the direction I need to go in order to walk my true path.  In the process, I'm healthier, happier, more relaxed and slower to react to things around me.  Though drama still tries to find me, I find it easier to decline the invitation and keep my path clear of such distractions.  (although it is interesting to watch different archetypes and mentally file them away for future use!)

Both Collin Raye and Rascal Flatts have done songs which exemplify the way I feel, and, though both are love songs, I think the thought applies to other choices as well.  Here's Collin Raye's version, a song called "All My Roads":

Looking back from where I stand tonight
I wouldn't change a thing about my life
Wrong turns I had to take back in those crazy years
Could not have been mistakes if they brought me here

'Cause all my roads have led me to
This night, this love I share with you
And though the road was never smooth
Life has made me someone who
Could be the right someone for you

I don't regret a single broken heart
That taught me what love is and what it's not
Someone must have planned our two paths would cross
I couldn't see it then but I was never lost

'Cause all my roads have led me to
This night, this love I share with you
And though the road was never smooth
Life has made me someone who
Could be the right someone for you

Detours, dead ends, endless explorations
You were my only destination

'Cause all my roads have led me to
This night, this love I share with you
And though the road was never smooth
Life has made me someone who
Could be the right someone for you

I loved this song the first time I heard it, but the thoughts it contains have made more sense in recent years.  Rascal Flatts does a song called "Bless the Broken Road" which carries the same message.  What it all comes down to is that we all travel our own twisty, windy roads, and those roads lead us to exactly where we're supposed to be.  I guess I'd sum it up by saying that my ultimate goal is to have no regrets, to find joy in wherever I end up and to know that I've done the very best I could at any point in time.

My gratitudes  tonight are:
1. I am grateful for friends who remind me of what is truly important.
2. I am grateful for lazy, carefree days with my kids.
3. I am grateful for the love and devotion I receive from my cats. (though if Toby reprises last night's antics, he will be locked in a room by himself all night!)
4. I am grateful for the serenity which has found it's way into my life.
5. I am grateful for friendships old and new which are moving to new levels.

Love and light.