May 10, 2014 Profundity

The more exercise I get, the better I feel, the better I feel, the healthier I eat, the healthier I eat the better I feel, the better I feel, the more I exercise... and so on and so on and so on!

I'm in an infinite loop of feelin' groovy (as the song says).  Three days of workouts this week, three nights of dancing, the 30 day squat challenge and a beach hike tomorrow.  Does it get any better???

Granted, I won't be hiking the Grand Canyon or Mount Whitney any time soon.  Even my super fit, hiking friends had to work up to those!  But every little bit helps and means less time sitting on (and expanding) my ample arse!

My To Do list is covered in check marks and green strike throughs, indicating completed tasks, and items which sat there for weeks are slowly falling off.  And suddenly the words to an older Roger Miller song are running through my head:

You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd
You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd
You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd
But you can be happy if you've a mind to.

All you gotta do is put your mind to it
Knuckle down, buckle down and do it, do it, do it!

Each day is a new beginning, a new opportunity to change the things in your life with which you're not happy.  A new opportunity to do something good for yourself.  A new opportunity to do something nice for someone else or for our planet.  It doesn't matter what you did yesterday or for the last 5,000 yesterdays.  Only today matters, and when you open your eyes in the morning, it is spread out before you, a blank canvas on which you can write your story as you see fit.

About 22 years ago, I woke up one morning thinking "life is too short to be this unhappy".  Shortly thereafter, I filed for divorce from a man who just wasn't right for me.  The ensuing years may not have been easy, nor did I find instant happiness, but that thought on that pivotal day was my turning point.  From there, I began the slow climb out of the huge, sad hole my life had become.

For awhile, I didn't notice much progress aside from the fact that I was no longer living in a house with a man I preferred avoiding, and even wished would cheat on me and just go away.  But raising two small girls alone, trying to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table and shoes on their ever-growing feet kept me looking down instead of up most of the time.

But eventually, with the help of various people along the way, I did learn to look up.   I did learn to stop and smell the coffee.  And despite the usual, and some, not so usual setbacks, I found that I was no longer in a hole in the ground, but instead, on a mountaintop, looking out over an ever-changing landscape of wonder and beauty.

Now, I'd be blowing smoke up your skirt if I said that from that point on, I never felt sad, lonely or depressed again.  Of course there are times when I drift back towards my old ways.  The big, huge, enormous difference is that I remember what life was like in that deep, dark hole, and have absolutely no desire to EVER return there.  Those memories are enough to keep me moving forward, working through challenges, mental and physical pain and whatever the Universe, in it's warped sense of humor, decides to throw at me.

Sometimes, I'm just making a lot of lemonade.  Other times, like the last couple of weeks, I'm walking six feet off the ground, loving my life and the people who are making it so wonderful, and doing all I can to spread my joy around.

Life is all about balance.  We don't appreciate light if we don't have some darkness.  We don't understand happiness if we haven't had some sorrow in our lives.  We don't truly love unless, at some point, we've learned what it felt like to be let down.  Frankly, I love a rainy day!  I'm the one you'll find, rushing out the door to dance as the water falls from the sky, raising my face to be bathed in the fresh, nourishing, cleansing rain.

What I'm trying to say is that it is ok to be sad once in awhile.  It's even ok to be angry or annoyed or any of those emotions we'd call negative.  In fact, feeling those emotions, even having a good cry, can be very cathartic, and allow us to let go of what no longer serves us, leaving room in our lives for something that will.

I am Human, hear me roar!  I embrace my highs and lows, my ups and downs, my darks and lights.  I don't have to like everyone around me, and I certainly don't have to please everyone.  If there are some who find me hard to take and choose to turn away, I respect their choice.  Like chocolate or coffee or licorice, I am not going to suit everyone's taste, nor does everyone suit mine.  I love the fact that I am free to choose, and so is everyone else.  Love me or hate me.  That's fine.  If you're indifferent, it's because you never gave me a chance to either charm or irritate you.  Everyone has that choice as well, but know that I won't lose sleep over it.

I value honesty over everything else, and have great respect for those who are able to show their honest selves to the world.  I have no patience for phoniness, and am still working on refraining from judging those who choose to show a false face.  On a cognitive level, I know it's their choice, but emotionally, it still tends to irk me...ok, at times, it annoys the crap out of me.  So the Universe gives me lots of opportunities to be duck-like and let it roll off of me.  I'm not there yet.

Being Human is a wild ride as we go from lesson to lesson which leads us, ultimately, to our Divine selves.  As I see it, we may as well have a good time on the way!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for patient, tolerant friends.
2. I am grateful for all of the people who are coming along to share my table, both literally and figuratively.
3. I am grateful for new experiences.
4. I am grateful for new versions of old experiences.
5. I am grateful for a life of abundance.

Love and light