October 23, 2011 Rest: Fondly remembered, sadly missed

The restlessness has now invaded my sleep.  Dreams were so crazy and prolific last night that I had to write two full pages in a Word document just to clear my head enough to write a sensible blog post (or as sensible as I get these days!)  High on the list of topics my subconscious bats around in the wee hours are the remodel, spirituality/mysticism and my opening up to the idea of a dance partner, or even life partner.  However, on this last one, my subconscious is still rather confused as it seems to want to pick an apple from one tree, take a bite out of it, then set it aside to pick one from another tree to see if it's tastier, while expecting the first apple to wait patiently, staying fresh and ready for the next bite, should it even come.  Clearly, my subconscious has some growing up to do!  Although I see nothing wrong with dating different people until I find that connection (as good in dance as it is in life, I think), the dreams actually had me committing to one, then expecting him to sit and wait while I tried out another model.  Not good, if you ask me!  And certainly not something to which I profess or respect.  Is my subconscious showing me a potentially dark side of myself I'm not even aware exists?  Or have I treated people this cruelly in other situations, and it's trying to make me more aware so that I'll be kinder in the future? 

Also in my dreams, I wore a beige suit and a white blouse (something I would never do!) in a completely inappropriate environment which turned out to be even more inappropriate because I was asked to do things which were completely out of the scope one would have expected in the situation.  Even more bizarre was that I took a position as a personal assistant/secretary which would have made no use of my accounting background.  I can certainly understand a change of career, but this would not even be on my list of possible options!

All of this crazy, restless dreaming came after a really great night of dancing which I'd expected would have me sleeping the sleep of the innocent, and what I got was quite the opposite!  I am becoming even more diligent about my meditations, doing at least an hour a day, and sometimes more than one session, so I'd expect my mind to be calm, but it just keeps racing down one track or another.  This is beyond "monkey mind"!  It's as if I have several people converging in my head for a lengthy session of parties.  Is someone else getting the quiet, restful sleep I seek?  Am I the vessel which allows others to disconnect?  If so, when does the job move to the next guy so I get my turn?

I signed up for an email about 365 days of writing, in hopes that it would get me back in gear to work on my book.  When I opened the file today to start writing, I was dismayed to find that I hadn't touched it since August!  The email is designed to encourage writers to commit to 15 minutes a day.  I'm sure they realize that once you sit down at the computer, it's unlikely that you'll only write for 15 minutes, but the key is to sit down and just put something on paper, or screen, as it were.  It took me about 4 days of getting these emails to actually react, but I got about 40 minutes of writing in today.  Admittedly, it may end up on the editorial floor when I put it all together, but at least I got another couple of pages written!  It's not exactly a kick in the butt, but more, a gentle prod, and I think I have had a lot of ideas over the last couple of months which should have been included but never got written down either in notes or the manuscript itself, so they're lost unless they pop into my brain again.  If I commit to 15 minutes a day, I stand to save some of these gems from being lost before they're born.  So, day 1 of 15 minutes a day is complete! 

Love and light