April 13, 2011

They say that it takes a certain amount of time to create a habit, and I sure thought it was a month or so, but getting in the habit of going to bed earlier so I can get up early and write is tougher than I thought!  Once again, I finally turned the lights off at around 1 AM so, really, can I be expected to be up by 6:30?  I realize I'm only thwarting myself, and need to be more responsive to my own needs, but sleep is a need, isn't it?  Is it possible that turning a night owl into a morning person is more than a habit, but a major, earth shaking, Universe rocking life change?

So I made it to lesson 30 of ACIM today, and, as I should have suspected having gone to see Marianne Williamson speak (and boy, can she do a good job of preaching!), it is starting to lean very much towards the sole deity, creator stuff that I've always found to be about as comfortable as a pair of jeans 2 sizes too small after eating a large, Thanksgiving-style meal.  But as I read through it, I realize that the concept Tony uses all the time, that we are Divine beings having a Human experience, is really the basis for the lessons.  As such, I find it more comfortable to substitute "Universe" or "Divinity" and go about my business.  Because what I am seeing, and finding it easier every day to do so, is that each and every person, place and thing is imbued with layer upon layer of Divinity (and for those who are starting to drool, I don't mean the gooey, sugary, chocolaty kind).  As I was driving to work this morning, I came upon a smaller car, maybe a Geo or a Kia, going rather slower than my Lexus wanted to go.  My first thought was "Oh, the little bump can't do much better".  Then I realized that, outward appearances and performance aside, that little bump had just as much divinity as a Rolls Royce because every component used to put it together was Divinely created and every person who touched it in the process of creating it was a Divine being, and every tool or machine used in it's creation was also filled with Divinity.  So my thoughts turned, instead, to the grassy hillside at the freeway interchange, and at how wonderful it would be to just take off my shoes and run through the grass.  Now *that's* Divine!

Other thoughts running through my brain today and last night focused on the fact that, in re-reading what I'd written over the last couple of days, I found a lot of it to be somewhat boring.  Not that I'm really here with my main intention being to entertain people, but I don't want to put them to sleep!  Ultimately, I want to give something to think about, and to start discussions which also cause me to think.

I saw another of my "neon signs" today.  One of my FB friends posted a "like" for a Suicide Prevention site.    I really think I want to go to the 60th ACIM lesson though.  For one thing, the last 10 are reviews of the first 50 lessons and I think, in tying everything together like that, it's a good jumping off point.  However, I think the research will begin in earnest this week, as I'm starting to have whole paragraphs come to me, albeit in a very disjointed fashion.  They do tend to come to me at very inconvenient times, though.  In fact, I seem to do my best thinking while commuting.  I may need to invest in a small tape recorder to ensure that I don't lose these little gems.  The other place I get my brainstorms (or tempests in teapots, as it were) is when I'm lying in bed, already later than it should be, trying to fall asleep.  I forced myself to stay and not write down one of my gems the other night, assuring myself that it was so good I'd remember it in the morning, and woke up to a handful of dust.  Again, the tape recorder would have saved me.

I'm still contemplating a jaunt to Sedona on Mother's Day weekend when I've scheduled a couple of days off.  With the price of gas, though, I'm thinking about flying into Flagstaff, renting a car and driving into Sedona from there.  Here's how I figure it might be better, not counting the time savings.  Approximately 522 miles each way, so, including a bit of driving around, let's say, 1200 miles round trip.  Divide that by, say 25 mpg gets me 48 gallons of gas for the trip (and it will probably be more as 89A from Flagstaff into Sedona is a windy mountain road which will cut down on my mpg).  As gas for my little beauty is up around 4.50 a gallon or so, (give or take 20 cents), that's over $200 just in gas, not to mention wear and tear on her.  When I checked last night, I could get airfare and a rental car for around 300 or so, and save myself hours on the road.  Sounds like a good tradeoff to me.  Of course, if I was traveling WITH someone, the whole dynamic would change, but for now, I anticipate a solo trip, just me and my laptop so I can get some writing in as inspiration strikes.  It also appears to be the off season for Sedona, so I might get a really nice deal on one of their Spa type hotels as well.  And I really do deserve a nice, relaxing vacation!

Card of the day (You never know when or even if this little segment is going to appear in my posts now, do you?)  Four of Cups:
I see:  A young woman sitting on a chaise in the garden, contemplating three golden chalices on a table before her.  A fourth chalice floats in the air, just beyond her vision.  She seems less than excited about the three she is pondering, yet fails to notice that she has another choice.  A honeysuckle vine blooms riotously behind her, but even the scent of the blooms cannot arouse her from her ennui.  Her dress is a paler version of the deep, clear blue sky above and behind her.
I feel:  There is a time and a place to contemplate the choices you have and to feel that there really should be more.  This is the time to allow the Universe to take the lead and start dropping hints as to what opportunities exist outside of anything you've contemplated or considered. 
I think:  We all need to do more letting go to allow for the "Ah ha" moments to get past our minds which can so easily get locked into patterns of expectation and worry.  I've heard it described as "can't see the forest for the trees" or "getting stuck in the weeds".  But however it's described, it's really our own minds getting stuck in an endless loop from which they don't know how to extricate themselves.  The key is not to keep picking at the knots, but to just let go and allow them to release themselves as soon as there is no longer tension on the rope. 

It occurs to me that what so many call their comfort zone is really little more than a self-imposed prison where they can avoid anything new or different, but in the process, they don't really learn, live, hurt, find joy, trip and fall, rise and shine or really get to know how infinite the choices are, and what it's like to actually live life!

Most of us, in our own way, are guilty of falling into this trap.  I know that my lack of desire to travel keeps me from some amazing experiences.  It's not that I don't like to visit new places, it's more that I just don't like being away from home for very long stretches.  Three or four days and I'm itching to get back to my bed, my stuff, and more importantly, my furry children.  I've proven that I sleep much better with them snuggled around me, and frankly, when I'm away, like any good mother, I worry about them.  And then there's Dylan who actually mopes if I'm gone more than a day or two.  Am I using him as an excuse?  Probably.  But like anything else, when I'm ready to see the world, I'll figure it out.  It's not like a phobia or anything.  Admittedly, some of it is just cheapness.  I look at people spending thousands on a vacation and I just can't bring myself to do it!  But ask me to spend thousands on a sick cat and I won't hesitate for a second.  It's all about priorities!  Each of us has them, and for us, our priorities are exactly right. 

It gets back to acceptance.  We all make choices based on  the best information we have available.  It is not for anyone else to agree, or for that matter, disagree, with the choices we make.  It is only for us to accept that the choices others make are made for reasons known only to them, and serve some purpose on their own life path.  So it is for us to accept and respect the choices others make, refrain from passing judgement, and concentrate on the choices we need to make for ourselves.  If we get caught up in passing judgement on what others are doing, we're going to miss out on a whole lot of things we could be doing ourselves.  That just doesn't make sense to me! (and yes, I've spent way too much time looking at what others do and saying "now why would they do something so stupid!")  The key is not to be this perfect little Divine/Human being, but to recognize our foibles at some point and to learn from them.  I can honestly say that I probably do at least a dozen dumb things every day, but if I learn even one lesson, I'm that much richer for it. 

When I look at the choices my parents made, it's really easy to pass judgement, especially as there is no tangible proof of a lesson learned.  But the truth is, while the human self might be gone, the Divine self learns from each and every experience, and each and every human lifetime.  Their Higher Selves had some say in the decisions made, the lives lived, and the determination that the human forms they held were no longer capable of taking them to the next level in their evolution.  In my small human mind, I am incapable of truly understanding the magnitude of decisions they made, but I am capable of accepting that those decisions were for their overall good, and that realization has led me to this point where I'm ready to write about it and share my responses, my feelings and my actions since, the choices I've made and the mistakes I've made that have gotten me to now.

Love and light.