April 16, 2011

Card of the Day: King of Wands
I see:  A strong man robed in reds, oranges and yellows.  He holds a staff in his right hand and a seedling in his left.A dragon crouches at his side, muzzled so as not to inadvertently flame anything. A large bush is in full bloom behind him.  His gaze is not serene, but is, instead, expectant.  His grip on the staff is tight as if he expects to have to use it in some fashion soon.
I feel:  This is a man who would as easily do battle to right a wrong as he would soothe a fretful child.  His choice of companion is unusual, yet suited to his tendency to go to extremes.  He is a man who is always in motion be it mentally, physically or both.
I think:  We're entering a time of extremes, a time where people will either act or be left behind in the dust.  Choices will be made and inaction may be one of those choices.  None of the choices will be right or wrong, they will just be choices.  We will find ourselves, at times, with unusual companions but those companions will be suited to the situation at hand.  They may stay with us for the long term, or for a single battle and then move on.  We will, repeatedly, be called upon to take a stand, even if it is just to stay put.  One of the issues on which we will be called is the protection, healing and nurturing of the Earth.  Hundreds of years have been spent taking from her, and she will cease to care for us, be unable to care for us, if we don't give something back, heal the wounds we've inflicted and learn to stop inflicting those wounds.

Somewhat busy day today, so I'm not getting back to writing until after dancing, but I'm glad I am, as I was talking to a friend tonight who asked if I had decided whether I was going to make the trip to Sedona or not.  I told her that I hadn't decided, then realized I'd gotten another neon sign from the Universe.  We've been fighting with Simi Valley Hospital over a bill I was certain I'd already paid.  Today, I got a check from them for the exact amount of the bill saying that an audit had determined that we'd overpaid them.  The amount of the check was slightly more than the cost of the hotel room I booked.  Not that paying for it was an issue as I'd figured I could use part of my tax refund, but it is interesting that suddenly, the money for the hotel room is just there.  To me, this is a pretty good indication that I should go.  And yes, I'm still vascillating because I just don't like being away from home and my cats for very long, but I suppose I should start practicing for when I go on that book signing tour!

Heather and I found some really cute dresses for Serenity today, but the outing was marred when she called Jenni to see if she could bring her the dresses, and was told that the wake for a man who'd been like an uncle to the girls was today.  He passed a year ago, but his wife wasn't ready to deal with letting go until now.  But as she has a new man in her life now, I guess it was time.  Heather was very hurt that she wasn't invited, and I didn't want to say too much to her as she was upset, but the fact is, after they treated her like an outsider the last time she was there, while they treated Jenni like part of the family, she hasn't been inclined to go visit.  It's a safe assumption that they just didn't think about inviting her.  Out of sight, out of mind.  At first, I was angry that they'd been so thoughtless and hurtful to her, but after giving it some thought, I really don't think any malice was intended.  Everyone has simply gotten on with their lives, going in different directions than before.  Heather will learn to roll with the punches more as she gets older, and frankly, has gotten much better about it in the last couple of years.  But some things just hurt more than others.  I think that when she finds her closure, she'll find it easier to let go, but she's not there yet.  For me, I am relieved to have let go of yet another negative person from my life.  The people I'm around now are happy, healthy, love their lives, their family, their friends, joke around with each other because nothing is all that serious, and just basically live instead of merely existing. 

I was talking to one of my staff about the concept of friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime, and truly, for a long time, the people in my life saw the glass as half empty.  When I outgrew that mentality, I couldn't expect everyone to change with me, so I had to leave a lot of people behind (or they left me, but it really doesn't matter, as the result is the same.).  I'm in an odd place right now where I don't really have any close friends, but I think I'm simply transitioning, and will, ultimately, make connections again.  I talk to a lot of people when I'm out dancing, and I think I'm perceived as friendly and open, so it's only a matter of time before I make new, deep friendships.  Again, part of my own evolution.  I certainly don't want to go through the rest of my life alone.  Much as I like to declare "I hate people", or "I'm not a freakin' people person", there are a lot of people out there I find quite delightful, intelligent, fun, and wouldn't mind calling them "friend" rather than their current status as "acquaintance".  And just as I'm open, now, to the possibility of a relationship at some point, I'm even more open to developing close friendships with people who share my positive outlook and lack of desire to see the negative side of things. 

A former dance team member was at Borderline tonight and he was making comments about a guy who couldn't really dance properly, and I just kept countering with, essentially "so what" kinds of comments.  He said it bothered him and I told him not to watch.  He said he couldn't help but notice so I told him to close his eyes.  He finally realized that I wasn't going to sympathize with him on this one and we talked about something else.  Just as what other people think of me is none of my business, what other people are doing or how they're doing it really isn't either.  If they guy was crashing into people and showing no dance floor etiquette, it might bother me, but he just asks girls to dance and does his thing.  We're a social club, not a competitive one.  The competition dancers do come in now and then, but they have to share the floor with the rest of us, regardless of our ability or our technique.  Sometimes, I just enjoy watching the floor for a bit, to see the different levels out there.  There are always a couple of them who you want to say "bless their hearts.  They're trying so hard!"  The main thing is, dancing is supposed to be fun, so if they're looking totally uncoordinated, but they're smiling, they have the right idea!

Looking back at my card of the day today, often in Tarot, when a king or knight card is pulled, it can  indicate that a man fitting the characteristics of the card is coming into one's life and will have a major influence.  Having someone with the King of Wands characteristics come into my life at this time would certainly not be a bad thing.  The emphasis would be on creating and beginning new endeavors, then running with them, and that falls right in with what I'm trying to do, so yes, I think I would like to meet and get to know this King of Wands, and will appreciate any help he wants to give me in realizing my dreams.

And with that, I think I will go indulge in a few of those dreams while stretched horizontally, or as close to it as the cats will allow, on my nice, soft bed.

Love and light.