April 22, 2011 I can see clearly now, the pain is gone! Oops, spoke too soon!

Woke up this morning and my shoulder is feeling wonderful!  I don't know if time just healed all wounds, or if the Turmeric is really doing a good job!  Either way, it's nice to be out of pain once again, although my sleep was restless last night.  I talked to a couple of the dance crowd last night about using meditation to calm "Monkey Mind".  I think mine was sneaky and was way down deep in my subconscious so I wasn't aware it was still swinging from the trees.  But I got off work at noon, ran a couple of errands and treated myself to sushi, so after I finish writing, I think I'll give Munchkin a treat, lay down on the bed and meditate for an hour or so. 

Card of the day:  Eight of cups.  (this draw was interesting because I was actually cutting further down the deck and this one just sort of forced me to cut where it lay)
I see:  A woman in a flowing nightdress stands beneath what appears to be a pomegranate bush, gazing out a window at the night sky.  Seven chalices are stacked one upon another behind her, while an eighth seems to hover in midair, just above the window ledge.  She glances over her shoulder into the room, though what she's looking at, or looking for, is unclear.  A full moon hangs amidst a nest of stars in the night sky. Tendrils of the pomegranate bush curl around her neck and shoulders, in an almost protective fashion.
I feel:  There is a point of indecision.  Am I doing the right thing?  Am I not?  In choosing this cup to drink from, am I missing something important in one of the others?  Is this the time to take a step from innocence to wisdom?  Or is it not wisdom at all, but a lesson to be learned coupled with some pain? 
I think:  I'm standing on the threshhold of something new, something different, something that will change my life in a significant way.  I'm not sure that the choices I'm making are the right ones, but I do know that no choice would be the wrong one.  Whatever happens, I need to choose an option and take the first step forward.  What happens next is yet to be determined. 

Again, a slow start, but when the words started flowing, it was an avalanche.  And I found myself thinking today that when I go to sedona I'll need to take one of my tarot card decks so I can continue this blog even while I'm working on my book.  Although part of the purpose of the blog is just to get me into the habit of writing something every day, however small (though lately, I guess my fingers and brain aren't really into "small") so that writing is just a habit, a part of my daily activity like brushing my teeth or taking my vitamins.  And I think I've accomplished what I set out to do as I feel cheated if I don't get at least a little bit of writing and my ACIM lesson in every day.  And I have a very vivid picture of myself sitting on the balcony of my room in Sedona, laptop in front of me, typing away.  I can almost feel the breeze teasing my hair as I lose myself in the story.  I believe I have my opening paragraphs, but I'll have to put them in place and see how it flows.  I've also decided that it will be a good idea to take my thumb drive along to back things up as I go.  Maybe because I got an email from a friend saying she'd dropped her laptop and, fortunately, had a backup of it from just a few days before the catastrophe.  And memo to self, do not store the flash drive in the laptop case.  It's sort of like backing up your computer system in case of fire, then storing the backup disks next to the computer.  Kind of pointless as if one goes, they both go! 

Well, the Universe is really knocking me around this week.  Shoulder, rash on my leg, then review and small raise, waking up with shoulder and leg feeling better, short but busy work day, found something to wear for the sweat ceremony...feeling good, right?  And now, I don't know whether to cry or puke, so I'm doing some cleaning, and will likely be up very late tonight (or early tomorrow as the case may be).  After being told that she was failing the Physics class she was taking for the third time, I told my daughter that she'd have to pay rent as of June 1 as the free ride was over, since I didn't feel she was really applying herself to her classes.  I also told her to go see a counselor and reassess her goals towards something she might actually put the effort into to succeed.  Her reaction was to spend the last two nights at her boyfriend's house (with his mother and sister).  She came by a couple of times while I was at work to do some cleaning, and then today to tell me that she was considering moving out because she felt that it was time to behave like an adult.  I pointed out that that was why I told her she'd pay a nominal, yet, in my mind, affordable rent to me.  She thinks moving into her boyfriend's mother's house would be more adult.  On the one hand, I'd be able to spend more of my paycheck on myself as I wouldn't be buying her clothes and food, taking her out to various concerts and other functions and uncountable incidentals, on the other hand, my car insurance would go up a bit, and I'd have full responsibility for the cats, the trash and everything else around the house.  But the fact is, if she chooses this option, I'm going to really miss her.  I love her and she is usually a pretty good roommate, and I've gotten used to having her here.  I'd expected her to be here for at least another 3 or 4 years.  And of course, I'm going to have to deal with Scooby's depression because he is not going to be happy not having her here.  He's already moping some as she hasn't been here for him to sleep with at night.  Having her gone permanently and only visiting is going to wreck him.  She is his person, and that will never change.  He's been curling up on my bed with Munchkin when I leave for work, but it's just not the same for him.  I guess we'll get each other through this.  And hey, the house will stay cleaner with just me and the cats.  I'll be working on getting it to something like what I want to live with over the next few weeks.  We've both started decluttering, so it's just a matter of continuing with the process.  I sure hope I can opt for crying and cleaning because I don't want to think about bringing up the sushi I had for lunch!  That won't be pretty at all!  But the worst of it is, now I truly am alone.  Sad to say, my daughter was the only real friend I had.  I guess I'm just good at pissing people off and driving them away.  But there is a higher purpose to this, I'm sure.  I just need to find out what it is, and get myself on the path to that purpose.  Wallowing isn't going to do anyone any good (although cleaning will be a good thing, and if the energy continues, my garden may well be immaculate as well!).

I did a little research into the symbolism of the pomegranate and found that (which should have been obvious due to all of its seeds) it is, in most cultures, a symbol of fruitfulness and prosperity.  So, despite all of the emotional angst right now, there's apparently, abundance in the works.  A book sale, perhaps? :)

Anyway, thank you, Universe, for saving me from ennui.  I'm on an emotional roller coaster right now, but definitely not bored!

Love and light