January 27, 2013 Strange brew

I've been having a lot of crazy dreams lately, but the last couple of days, those dreams have turned, for lack of a better word, creepy.  I woke early this morning from one such dream, yet, no matter how hard I tried, I could not prevent myself from going right back into the dream from the point where I woke up.  In fact, I was almost to the point of just getting up, despite the fact that it was still dark outside.  Strangely, after surmounting numerous odd obstacles, like having to climb up a very tall set of industrial type shelving including some kind of trapeze actions to swing to the top (and this while carrying Toby along with me and having to figure out how to get him up there too!) the situation resolved itself, though not before having everyone terrified to use their electronics for fear of being tracked down, and equally afraid of going outside where there were machine gunners flying overhead.  From deep inside a concrete building we finally discovered that the person controlling all of the mayhem was right there with us.  But I still awoke uncertain as to whether or not she was really trying to protect us. 

I did have a rather productive weekend, though.  I started a pot of chicken soup on Friday night and finally got all of the veggies in on Sunday morning, so I have enough soup to feed me all week, plus plenty to share and I only have one pot left to wash.  So soup and a bunch of errands run and, of course, my monthly massage.  Not bad for a weekend's work! 

I've had a couple of reminders to figure out what I really want to do with my life and to find a way to do it.  I realize that it is likely to be difficult, but that the end result will be worth it, but I am certainly no different than others who fall victim to the fear of failure, the fear of making the wrong choice and umpteen million other fears that stand in the way of achieving a dream.  So I'm continuing to focus my intentions on writing, despite the fact that I'm less than prolific these days.  I believe that if I keep reminding myself of that intention, that I will continue to at least pound the keys a bit in the evenings until a seed is planted which is destined to be a tree, or even a small bush at this point.  I think that in some ways, my inherent hermit tendencies are warring with my desire to be more social and the result is a pretty lousy tasting stew.  The fact is, I should be able to reconcile the two and find a way to do both.  The how, however, is currently escaping me.  But at least I'm working out my frustrations with something that will nourish my body if not my spirit. 

I believe that, over the next few weeks, I'm going to be inclined to access my Spiritual side more than normal and that in the process I will find the answers I need.  This won't necessarily be a voluntary action, though, as my crazy, intense, insistent dreams are indicating.  Something is clearly driving me to make some kind of move towards my destiny.  It's just difficult to manifest something when you're not even sure exactly what it is you're trying to manifest.  At this point, I can't even state definitively if it is animal, vegetable, mineral or other.  But if my dreams get any more vivid and insistent, I don't think I'll be left with any doubts.  All hail the Subconscious, keeper of all things worth knowing

My gratitudes tonight are:

.1. I am grateful for an active subconscious which encourages me to find a path.
2. I am grateful for a rainy afternoon of hot soup and warm kitties.
3. I am grateful for an abundance of ideas and opportunities.
4. I am grateful for alone time.
5. I am grateful for social time.

Love and light.