April 18, 2013 Setting the wheels in motion

I didn't realize, when I copied this picture, how appropos it would be as my day unfolded.

I've been reading "Writer's Digest" on the recommendation of a friend and have, so far, read through the section on submitting query letters.  As I proceeded to meditate this afternoon, an introductory paragraph started running through my head, and it became so insistent that I had to stop and write it down before my brain would quiet down and allow me to meditate.

What really surprised me, though, was the fact that the paragraph had to do with the 18,000 words of what I've deemed "garbage" in recent posts.  Am I to believe that my subconscious has decided that it is now ready to tackle the project and find a way to express my thoughts and feelings on the subject without the whiny tone it had taken, and which made me abandon, or at least table it in the first place?

If what I'm surmising proves to be the case, have I grown enough since beginning the project 4 years ago to approach it from a direction which will truly provide helpful information to others instead of just a chronicle of self-discovery as is its current status?  More, will my baby actually be allowed to grow to term this time, instead of being aborted when I discovered that the potential for viability was almost nonexistent?  

Although I have been giving a great deal of thought to pursuing my dream, my passion, of late, I had assumed that my first effort would be a work of fiction, despite the affirmations currently adorning my vision board.  It seems that, once again, the Universe has other plans for me, and won't hesitate to slap me around a bit, if for no other reason than its own amusement, to ensure that I stick to the plan.

At this point, I see that I have some serious reading ahead of me, as well as following up on some research ideas.  I definitely need to compile a list of questions to pose to other survivors of familial suicide as I would like to include not only my own mechanisms for coping and healing, but those of others who might have taken a different path, yet healed in their own way.  Of course, as this is a highly personal and sensitive topic, I'm going to have to approach it gently, as opposed to my typical direct, bull-in-a-china-shop manner, in order to find people who are not only willing to share a deeply emotional piece of themselves, but to allow me to include it, anonymously, of course, in my own story.

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Yesterday I challenged you as well as myself to choose bliss today.  I'm happy to report that the day turned out even better than I could have expected!  I did oversleep again, thanks to my little, furry snugglers, but got a lot done at work today, gained some insight into where my new path is going to take me, and had a blast dancing, talking and laughing with my friends.  One of them has suddenly become extremely affectionate, giving really warm hugs and even kisses on the cheek!  One friend speculated that it was the beer he drinks, but as that is no different than before, my guess is that he's just becoming more relaxed with everyone and his true nature is coming out.  More power to him!  I think it's marvelous that he can express himself so freely!  Definitely someone I can learn from!

So tonight, fueled by all of this extra bliss, I believe I'll go to sleep early and get up on time tomorrow!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for days that are magical just for the sake of magic.
2. I am grateful for intentions of bliss which come to pass.
3. I am grateful for fun loving, warm, affectionate friends.
4. I am grateful for perfectly excellent nights of dancing.
5. I am grateful for epiphanies which clear the fog away from my path.

Love and light