September 22, 2012 Paying for my blogless sins

I went to bed without blogging last night, and paid for it with very weird dreams, so today, there may just be two to catch up!

The dream that really stuck with me had many quirks, but the first one had me running all over town in just a pair of underwear.  But that really wasn't the strangest part of it.  In the dream, nobody noticed and I wasn't self conscious or embarrassed.  In fact, the only time I was embarrassed was when I put on a shirt and discovered that I'd buttoned it incorrectly!  Another interesting point was that I went to a restaurant to eat and apparently had a credit card stashed somewhere with which I could pay for my meal and for the clothes I finally shopped for.  I also remember hanging out in my bedroom with some of Heather's friends.  there was a boom box on my dresser which had codes for the radio stations, but I kept putting in the wrong code for the station I wanted.  I also kept asking the boy sitting next to me to turn the music down as I was trying to meditate. 

Further along, we were all going somewhere in a bus.  Jesse was driving and another kid was on a motorcycle in a kind of cage right in front of the bus.  Jesse had to be careful to go exactly the same speed as the motorcycle so he wouldn't run into it. 

I finally woke up from the last scenario in which a criminal kidnapped me and then a young boy to use as cover in his escape.  We were hanging out in a very large area with wooden walkways, shops, hotels and restaurants near a beach.  I spent a lot of time walking around the place.  At one point, I picked out a lot of clothes to try on, then left them with another woman to select and purchase while I sat and watched some people dancing.  I was just thinking that I wished I had my dance shoes when a man asked me to dance an east coast swing.  It was then I noticed that, not only were all of the dancers barefoot, but that the floor was slick enough to make it comfortable to dance that way!  The dancing was shortlived, however, as my kidnapper came back and said we had to leave.  I grabbed a large portfolio with incriminating papers from our hotel room and put it in the back seat next to another one which made it impossible to sit in the seat.  The other back seat was occupied by the young boy who was now asleep, so I went around to get into the front seat, but found Darian sitting there already.  I was standing in the open door when the kidnapper started backing the car out of the parking spot, oblivious to the fact that not only was I not in the car, but that I was standing in the open door.  At that point, I realized I was free to go and collect the clothes he'd bought me and find my way back home.

As I reflect back on the convolutions my dreams took, I realize that, no matter what the circumstances, I always knew that I had as much as I wanted, could pay for anything I wanted or needed and was only as confined as I allowed myself to be.  Whether or not the means were visible, they were always there.  And despite the circumstances, I never felt like either I or the young boy was in danger, nor that I couldn't go wherever I wanted to choose to go. 

What I make of this is that any limitations I have in my life are really self-created and I can leave them any time I choose.  And whatever I choose to do, I will have the means to do it.  I am not really constrained by money or appearances or the ability to move in any direction. 

Now, the big question is, what am I doing to hold myself back?  What am I appearing to be that I can change?  And, finally, where is it that I really, truly want to go?

These and other questions will be pondered until epiphany comes and I know where I'm going and what I'm doing next!

Love and light